₦airaland Forum

Resume of Jesus ChristAuthor Unknown

Address: Ephesians 1:20
Phone: Romans 10:13
Website: The Bible
Keywords: Jesus Christ, Lord & Savior

My name is Jesus - The Christ. Many call me Lord! I've sent you my resume because I'm seeking the top management position in your heart. Please consider my accomplishments as set forth in my resume.

Qualifications:

• I founded the earth and established the heavens (see Proverbs 3:19).
• I formed man from the dust of the ground (see Genesis 2:7).
• I breathed into man the breath of life (see Genesis 2:7).
• I redeemed man from the curse of the law (see Galatians 3:13).
• The blessings of the Abrahamic Covenant comes upon your life through me (see Galatians 3:14).

Occupational Background:

• I've only had one employer (see Luke 2:49).
• I've never been tardy, absent, disobedient, slothful or disrespectful.
• My employer has nothing but rave reviews for me (see Matthew 3:15-17).

Skills & Work Experiences:

• Some of my skills and work experiences include: empowering the poor to be poor no more, healing the brokenhearted, setting the captives free, healing the sick, restoring sight to the blind and setting at liberty them that are bruised (see Luke 4:18).
• I am a Wonderful Counselor (see Isaiah 9:6). People who Listen to me shall dwell safely and shall not fear evil (see Proverbs 1:33).
• Most importantly, I have the authority, ability & power to cleanse you of your sins (see I John 1:7-9)

Educational Background:

• I encompass the entire breadth & length of knowledge, wisdom and understanding (see Proverbs 2:6).
• In me are hid all of the treasures of wisdom and knowledge (see Colossians 2:3).
• My Word is so powerful; it has been described as being a lamp unto your feet and a lamp unto your path (see Psalms 119:105).
• I can even tell you all of the secrets of your heart (see Psalms 44:21).

Major Accomplishments:

• I was an active participant in the greatest Summit Meeting of all times (see Genesis 1:26).
• I laid down my life so that you may live (see II Corinthians 5:15).
• I defeated the archenemy of God and mankind & made a show of them openly (see Colossians 2:15).
• I've miraculously fed the poor, healed the sick and raised the dead!
• There are many more major accomplishments, too many to mention here. You can read them on my website, which is located at: www dot - the BIBLE. You don't need an Internet connection or computer to access my website.

References:

• Believers and followers worldwide will testify to my divine healings, salvation, deliverance, miracles, restoration and supernatural guidance.

In Summation:

Now that you've read my resume, I'm confident that I'm the only candidate uniquely qualified to fill this vital position in your heart. In summation, I will properly direct your paths (see Proverbs 3:5-6), and lead you into everlasting life (see John 6:47). When can I start? Time is of the essence (see Hebrews 3:15).


http://www.inspire21.com/stories/christianstories/resumeofjesus

lawyer:
My first salary was N8,000 for like 6 months and i moved to a swankier law firm in Ikoyi and they upgraded it to N15,000 Per month and after 2 months i realised that it wasnt worth it and old lawyers dont want younger lawyers to progress and in between they encourage a lot of sharp malpractice to woo in clients at the young lawyers expense. After that i realised that its not how long but how well and ended up setting up my own. The moment i did that, my older principals started congratulating me as being a smart guy and now they see me as their colleague.

Its a terrible system here and you just have to be smart and try and work towards establishing on your own in the nearest future unless these old lawyers wont encourage you for the life of it. Anyway the reason you are collecting that little amount is for the experience and to train you to be  self sufficient! Thats one of the reason i never liked Gani Fahwenhimi because his chambers was one of the pioneering firms that started this nonsense of undervaluing lawyers and paying them N5,000. Its just cheap labour and slavery in my own opinion and even the chief justice cannot justify such a wicked practice.

When I read the salary the man paid is lawyers (which he told a journalist), I was just flabbergasted. The amount was paltry, but now, I have to figure out if it's the norm in Nigeria for lawyers to be underpaid. How about going in-house?

BLACKSNIP:
Please, can you explain better on been & being, am having difficulties with those two words,

Check this explanation on this site out, it will help you out.

http://forum.wordreference.com/showthread.php?t=255651

[quote author=mama-gee link=topic=451678.msg6094400#msg6094400 date=1274833871][color=deeppink]That's abominable![/color][/quote]How is that abominable?

Well, legally and morally (especially if there was no infidelity), you can marry her, but still, you wont be able to contain rumors that there was nothing going on during the duration of the marriage.

I dont accept racism, yet, I'd have to ask you, how about those are simply uncomfortable with others, due to bad experiences earned from their dealings with members of their ethnic group? Would that be classified as racism too, even if there exists no ill-will, but simply discomfort?

Your best friend is dead, leaving behind a young widow with kids. You are currently single and there is a mutual attraction. Should you attempt to date and if there is a connection, marry her, or transfer your feelings to another eligible single woman?

bobbyj:
I have always wondered why some Nigerians (and I do mean Nigerians) tend to say 'severally' for instance "I have told you severally" rather than 'several times'.
I cannot help, but wonder how this manner of speaking developed.  Apart from the fact that it does not sound right, it is in my opinion just wrong, it is simply incomplete!  Watch any Nigerian movie and you will hear this phrase. 
As a Nigerian living in the UK, I enjoy watching Naija movies on the Nollywood channel, but on occasions, I have had to explain to non Nigerian when the word 'severally' is uttered.
I accept that there are some unique words that Nigerians use, especially when we talk to one another, but to use this word in this manner is rather bemusing to say the least.  I am also a 'product' of Nigerian education, but I know that this word just doesn't sound right when used in this manner.

Maybe they mean "Severely."

kech:
Oga English teacher sir. King Eliza. Since you is tishing us english, you suppose know how to spell it naa. Check your initial post. You said "So, say; "You sound MUCH better with your assent"". The one I know is ACCENT iiooo. Abi is that the American spelling?

And "much better" is redundant and not good english. It's "You sound better, not you sound much better. . ."

The American society is becoming tolerant and accepting of all races globally. Dare not remark negatively about one race without being hounded (particularly if you are a public figure) by the press. Our tolerance while to be applauded has perhaps forced people to accept conventions that hitherto were simply frowned upon. Like interacial marriages, a while back, it was illegal, but today, it is acceptable. We are free to form associations across all races, support an open border to bring in immigrants just to be 'politically correct'.

But why do I ask this question? Our desire to be 'politically correct' has led us to be cautious with our speeches for fear of being deemed 'inflamatory' or worst racist. Lets say a landlord who's been stifled of his rent a lot of times by a certain ethnic group would probably proceed with caution before leasing out their unit when another prospective tenant of that ethnicity arrives. But even this nasty experience would not compell them to impose a sign (as it was done in the past) that "Only so and so ethnic group should not seek accomodation in this unit" without being sued. But yet, he cant be condemned for refusing to rent to a chain smoker (Heck, I dont smoke) and can still proclaim, "Smokers need not apply."

What of relationships? High profile black men have received flaks for being in enriching relationships with white woman. Some who have been burned by black women have either sworn off any romantic relationships with them and settled in satisfying relationships with other ethnic women. Yet, their personal preference, while not criminal is condemned in the media and in the black community. A similar backlash would occur elsewhere if there is a tendency for one particularly group to date outside their race.

So, my question is this: When does personal preferences cross over to racism? I wont rent out a unit to a smoker, and wont be sued, yet, if I was stifled of my rentals continously by a certain ethnic group, and turned one away, because "I am being shy after being bitten once" I could subject myself to a lawsuit.

What do you think?

The youngest doctor or one of the youngest doctor? Please clarify.

Still an impressive accomplishment

The man is complaining of BP and yet, some are encouraging him to stick with the job in Lagos. Afroprince, which one is more important, your health or making more money. You are in a difficult situation, but God will see you through. After six months, you might get a raise from 90k.

Praise the Lord for your testimonies, Amen.

I get your point, but afroprince, you are unhappy living in Lagos and dealing with the busy grind that comes with living in a bustling city like traffic. You miss your family and you are stuck in a career that offers no satisfaction. Listen, there is more to life than money, 250k pales in comparison to your happiness, the love of your family and having insurance. When you show passion at your job, I'd like to think that it will eclipse the 250k you were earning in Lagos. Besides, there is always room for growth.

Dont overlook short term sacrifice, it may lead to long term growth in your career and personal life. Best wishes.

Baby wife: Yerima quizzed, granted bail
From FRANCIS AWOWOLE-BROWNE, Abuja
Wednesday, May 19, 2010


More Stories on This Section

Embattled Senator Sani Ahmed Yerima may be arraigned in court anytime from now over his alleged marriage to an Egyptian minor as the National Agency for Prohibition of Traffic in Persons and Other Related Matters (NAPTIP) moved against him.

The former governor of Zamfara State was grilled for three hours yesterday by operatives of the agency after Senator Yerima honoured a summons served on him to answer the allegation of his solemnization of matrimony to an underaged.
He was granted bail after writing a statement with a promise to report back to the agency on June 17, 2010.
Senator Yerima, it was gathered, refused bluntly to disclose the age of his new Egyptian spouse to the investigators who impressed it on him the implication of being found to have married a minor as widely reported.

Senator Yerima surfaced at the Wuse Zone 5 headquarters of the NAPTIP at about 9:45am in a black Toyota saloon car, Aurion Grande, decked in heavily embroidered white Babamriga with a red cap to match, accompanied by some aides.
Daily Sun gathered that Senator Yerima was confronted with the allegation of a marriage to a minor contrary to the provisions of the Child Right Act signed into law by former President Olusegun Obasanjo on July 31, 2003. The Act stipulates five years imprisonment for a convict or N500, 000 fine or both.

He was said to have replied that in Islam, age is immaterial as it is not one of the considerations for a marriage under the Islamic law. He also said that the Child Acts Right was not adopted by Zamfara State and many other northern states when the it was referred to them because it is against the religion of the people.
But when told that he contracted the marriage in Abuja where the law operates, he said the constitution guarantees the freedom of religion and that his religion permits him to do so.

Yerima, who flaunted his marriage certificate given to him by an Abuja Sharia Court of Appeal, told the detectives that issues such as dowry, witnesses and availability of people who would give the girl’s hand in marriage were the ones clearly provided for in Sharia law, all of which, he claimed, to have observed.
When pressed further on the real age of the girl or whether he saw the international travel passport of the girl to ascertain her age, Senator Yerima was said to have insisted that he would not disclose the age of the girl and that he did not see the passport.

On why he did not contract the marriage in Egypt , Senator Yerima said it was for the convenience of his family members and his friends that he did the marriage in Nigeria not because he was trying to beat the Egyptian law which frowns against marriage to a minor.

It was at that point he was asked to write a statement and granted bail afterwards on personal recognition.
Speaking to newsmen later, Senator Yerima said he was not worried at the turn of events after his marriage to his wife because he has not broken any known law in Islam. Besides, he said the constitution of Nigeria in Section 38 guaranteed freedom of religion to all Nigerians.
He said he would not be surprised if charged to court, but that he was not bothered about because he fulfilled all the conditions set out in the Islamic law on marriage.
He lamented that the dust raised by his marriage was political and religious, which were very serious issues the government must wade into.
“The Child Right Act they are talking about was brought to me in Zamfara as a governor, my people rejected it so also other states in the North it was rejected by the state assembly because it is against their religion,” he stated.

Executive Secretary of the Agency, Simon Chuzi Egede said his agency invited Senator Yerima following series of petitions from various bodies, NGOs and concerned citizens against his alleged marriage to a 13-year-old girl.
He disclosed that his agency was on top of the investigation and that it had established it that Egyptian law forbade marriage to an underaged. He said investigations into the matter were neither politically motivated nor influenced by religion. “It is purely within our mandate having received petitions from so many interest groups.

“We are in touch with Egyptian authorities. We know it is illegal in Egypt and we do not need to get to Egypt before we get the age of the girl, within the federal capital there is a law against marriage to a minor and the law is no respecter of any person,” he said, adding that the agency would soon conclude its investigations on the matter and the whole Nigerians would know what really the issues were.
On why the Senator was not detained the Executive Secretary said it was because he willingly turned himself in to the agency and on personal recognition, he was granted bail.



http://www.sunnewsonline.com/webpages/news/national/2010/may/19/national-19-05-2010-004.htm

Jesus Christ is building a Heavenly Kingdom (the New Jerusalem) that will descend from the Heavens to Earth where we (born-again Christians) will dwell forever. Read Revelation 21:2.

Maybe the arrival of God's Kingdom will be a fulfillment of this verse in the Lord's Prayer, "Thy Kingdom come."

[quote author=tpia. link=topic=447121.msg6052208#msg6052208 date=1274139344]everytime i think i've heard it all on nl, someone comes and proves me wrong.[/quote]

Rest in peace, Amen

aieromon:
I grew up watchin' Wrestlemania.I think i was in primary 3 when i watched Hulk Hogan lose to the Ultimate Warrior.Gosh,i cried that night and fell sick.Even when i got better and resumed school,my teacher noticed that all was not well.He just didnt understand that Hulk Hogan was my god back then.
Everything returned to normal when my dad brought back a VHS tape that showed Hulk Hogan winning back his title.
Thank God i stopped believing wrestling was real on time

It was not until I arrived in the states that I realized that Wrestling was fake. I was disappointed by the revelation and kept trying to think it was otherwise, until I saw the interviews some of the wrestlers gave, admitting that the whole game was fake. When I told one of my friends, he disbelieved me, even when I pointed of the admission of the wrestlers. He insisted it was otherwise, wondering how one could stomach the pain of a body slam and all that. I dont even watch it anymore.

What's the purpose of buying "Okukim eron" to the parents of the first born daughter in our culture during the Mbip ceremony?

morpheus24:
Shocking for you to attack Davidlylan who is a stunch defender of Xtianity.


Goes to show how much you know about aProv. 28:23). nything?
?

Again, I still can't figure out what is wrong in comparing a monkey to a human? Do you?

Why is it shocking? In my opinion, the guy made a mistake, so, it's irrelevant if he is a defender of Christianity or not, still needs to be called out. Read Proverbs 28:23
Sorry, there is no basis of comparison, neither will I buy the absurd 'theory' that man is an advanced animal.

Pathetic

I was laughing when I read this story. Dele Momodu? I wont vote for him, given the opportunity.

Cant they be arrested for incest?

[quote author=tpia. link=topic=411783.msg5980347#msg5980347 date=1272682376]the thread was okay until morpheus chose to derail it by his blatant distinction between whites, non-whites, and monkey phenomena.

Now, I dont expect you to agree with me or any point of view besides your own, but its very very daft to insist non-whites are the ones who resemble monkeys while whites do not because according to morpheus, no monkeys are found in Europe? And making up daft excuses when presented with evidence contrary to his claims?

Is it the Nigerian educational system which is being shown up here or a very deep sense of inadequacy and frightening self hatred.

Even assuming y'all are dating white women, most whites in serious inter- racial relationships would not engage in this kind of nauseating pseudo-science unless they are stark racists.


And even if you're black and agree you have more in common with monkeys than humans, must everyone agree with you?



@ madwoman: scram you foul beast Do I resemble a gutter monkey like you?


i dont blame him!!! Not even enough beatings by a mile, imo! You definitely need more, and you'll definitely get more from your SO, smartass [/quote]Wasnt ok in the first place. And Davidylan claiming that primates look like blacks,is just shocking. Doesnt he know that God created man in His Image? And these same ignorant comparisons always given evolutionists fuel to insist that their theiries of evolution are sacrosanct.

Racist, ignorant thread!

Wicked: Man sells vultures as chicken in Rivers
…Army barracks in Abia, Imo beware
From Henry Chukwurah, Port Harcourt
Friday, April 30, 2010


•Amaechi
Photo: Sun News Publishing
More Stories on This Section
A 32-year-old man, Abraham Kalu, who allegedly sells vulture meat as chicken to unsuspecting members of the public has been arrested in Port Harcourt.
Nemesis caught up with the suspect at the Mile 3 Slaughter in Diobu area of the Rivers State capital where he was seen catching vultures and consequently arrested following a tip-off by some traders.

Checks by Daily Sun revealed that six vultures were found in his bag when he was arrested.
The suspect, who told policemen that he started the filthy trade three months ago, moved into Port Harcourt from Ohafia in neighbouring Abia State on completion of his apprenticeship under one Maxwell, who runs a similar business near the Army Barracks in Ohafia and Obinze in Imo State.

He said that he re-located to Port Harcourt because his former boss (Maxwell) had told him that there were more vultures there with the attendant potential of bigger catches and higher profit.
Kalu, who said he was an indigene of Ndioji in Arochukwu Local Government Area of Abia State, shocked policemen at the Mile-3 Police Station when he narrated how he catches the vultures by rubbing snuff on fresh meat to make the carcass-eating ugly birds dizzy and too weak to fly away after eating the meat.

He said that thereafter, he would dress the slain vultures and inject a chemical into them to instantly clear their offensive peculiar odour. Although he initially told his interrogators that he sold the dressed vultures strictly to native doctors who use them for rituals, he could neither name such clients nor explain why he had to dress and inject the vultures with chemicals before selling them.
On how he had been able to evade arrest before now, the suspect said people believed him each time he sold the dummy that the vultures were for native doctors.

According to him, a dressed vulture goes for between N500 and N1,000 depending on size and location of the transaction. Police spokesperson in the State, Mrs. Rita Inoma-Abbey (SP), could not be reached for comments as at Press time. However, Police sources told Daily Sun that investigation was in progress.


http://www.sunnewsonline.com/webpages/news/national/2010/apr/30/national-30-04-2010-009.htm

Saw this on the internet
http://www.layhands.com/MustChristiansTitheTenPercent.htm

Same question I asked my sister and she told me 3 million Naira. Though this is for a bungalow in Uyo.

belabela:
Let me begin by saying today many "christians" in quote are not brethren. Jesus did not call us christians, unbelievers did. He called us brethren i.e brothers and sisters because we are co heirs with him. He is the only begotten of the father and we (brethren, now popularly called christians) are adopted children of the father. Hence we are children of God, and Christ is the firstborn.


Now to whether tithing is necessary or not, I would like to do a little exposition on the subject, tithe.

Abraham was the first person to give tithe as recorded in the bible. He was not commanded to do so. He just gave it to the King of Salem, an act of gratitude to God

However at a time God commanded that Isrealites must pay their tithe of everything to the Priest ( the levites) so that there may be food in His house. And until Jesus died the law of tithing was valid.

Now that Jesus had died, and has given us the grace of sonship, should we still pay tithe?

To answer this question, I would like to inform you that there are dispensations in the human cycle. Many believe we have 7 dispensations others claims it's 3 dispensations. However whether 3 or 7 one thing is generally agreed upon; we are in the dispensation of grace preceeding the dispensation of the Kingdom.

In the new testament church tithe was not an issue infact one may want to conclude that they didnt pay tithes. What is emphasised in the dispensation of grace is that we owe our ALL to God. If we pay our tithe it is good and God would accept it. However the scriptures teaches us to give as we have purposed in our hearts. If I may say God expects us to give more than our tithe. And  since we are no longer under the law tithe doesnt make us more righteous if we pay it because our righteousness is not obtained through the law but through Christ.


If a believer gives God a 5% ,God would accept it, if it's 10% he would accept it, if it's 100% he would accept it. I know in many churches today just like the financial institutions may pastors have financial targets and thus are saying all they can to get money of their members pockets.

But note that in the new testament all believers ( brethren) are priests and Christ is our high priest. i.e we all have access to the father 1Pet. 2:9

Let us not be quick to attribute God's blessings to money it is an act of belittling God afterall he blesses even the unbelievers who don't pay tithe. Being a christian doesnt necessarily mean you will enjoy financial riches. There are a lot of factors that contribute to that.

I dont like typing long stories, but really there are a lot of things to say. In conclusion, you probably had bad experience because you broke covenant with God ( not necessarily because you didnt pay your tithe), but because you left what you had purposed in your heart to give to him just because somebody says don't give. If you pay your tithe, it's a good practice, and if you dont pay "tithe" you are not condemned as long as you worship God with your substance ( whatever you have purposed in your heart to give)

God bless you

Good Answer

texazzpete:
It is not the duty of the Edo State Government to provide free healthcare to all its citizens. And there's nothing stopping you from doing what this guy did.

Funny how you refer to him as a 'common corper'. Do i remind you that a youth corps member is by default an adult and a graduate? So what's 'common' about him?

Whose duty is it then?

anneve:
i must say, dis makes one go down memory lane and remember those innocent years in primary school when the worries of life was not there, nothing buggin or weighing one down. all we had in mind was to play and learn, knowin little or nothin about life. its interestin, wish i cld turn back the hands of time and re-live those sweet years again. impossible isn/t it?

Even for a 30 something year old guy I am, I can tell you that I still remember the birthdays of some of my classmates in primary school. Which goes to show you the wonderful memories that I have of the place. My childhood holds a special place in my heart.