₦airaland Forum

First the pros of your last name- You will be able to stand proud on his wedding day knowing that your son, his wife, and his children will carry on the last name that has nurtured him and turned him into the wonderful man that he is, and not the last name of the guy that ran from the opportunity and pretended your son didn't exist. Also, it will make it easier to travel if you carry the same name as your son. Another positive aspect of your last name is that you won't have to explain anything to strangers when registering your son for school, or at the doctor's office. Another great aspect of giving your son your last name is that when you get married in the future, you will have an easier time changing his last name to your husbands if thats what you want to do.

The pros of giving your child his 'father's' name- First, a man is naturally supposed to carry on a legacy with his last name. The 'father' might be an a$$hole but he may have great people in his bloodline that your son will be proud to share a last name with. Another pro, would be that giving your child the paternal last name would show that you are not confused about who and whose this child is, even though the 'father' doesn't want anything to do with him. This suggests that you are certain enough about his paternity that you gave him the 'fathers' last name, so that later on down the line he can't lie and say that you didn't make it clear that the child was his, or any other foolish excuse about why he wasn't there.

A hyphenated name might give you the best of both worlds, however it is not as easy when it comes to official forms and documents, and eventually the child may choose to drop one and I think it may hurt if the child chooses to take the absent 'fathers' name.

*Son or daughter.

obowunmi:
Give your son the most appropriate last name --- I like Olatinwo --- he'll trace it back to your family. Since you've started to do things the non-traditional way, why not continue --- give him a last name of your choice and xplain this to him when he grows up.

Things like what??

^Wow.

^

charity00:
So would you issue an ultimatum? Guy doesn't pay for transport, unless gal is willing to let him meet family? If there really isn't any ulterior motive, the guy looks like a jerk. But doesn't the gal have an obligation to build some trust?

Ok, something may be up here. Tell her this- You want to spend the time with her because you missed her, and you want to take things to the next level by meeting her family. If she says she isn't ready, tell her that you aren't ready to finance her trip, and that 5k isn't mere change, and you have to save your money for more important times. Don't argue, just tell her outright, then tell her that you will talk to her later because something came up. Use a firm tone, but when you tell her you will talk to her later, be more light with your tone.

How she responds to this will tell u alot about her true character. Again, don't argue, and don't get upset. If she argues and complains just tell her your mind is made up already. She will have no choice to tell you what is really on her mind, and if she is up to no good, she will get angry.

If you told her that you will give her the money already, proceed with caution, but still let her know that you have changed your mind.

Murder couldn't have been the first sign of abuse in the relationship. Both an american and african-american woman are more likely to walk away and/or put the african man in jail before it gets to murder. An african woman, who may be virtually alone with her support system all the way back home, is more likely to want to stay with her abusive husband longer.

fiswu:
Nairaland, All of you that said it was infatuation are right. lol. I'm over it now. A better one has come. Thanks a lot to everyone!!! ciao.

Amen to that!

These 'prosperity preachers' are looking to exploit people that have very little money. Notice that they are always looking to you for more moiney. Why don't they just pray for more money themselves and not take money from poor folks.

Amen Emmanuel!!! Many 'rich' people go on to spend thousands of dollars on plastic surgery because they are not comfortable with themselves. Many 'rich' went their whole lives chasing wealth only to realize it didn't make them happy. Some of these 'rich' people die by their own hand, believing suicide is the only answer,

One thing that I can tell you is that I can see you posted this as a cry for help.

Everyone goes through some degree of feeling misunderstood, or feeling like their family hates them. The sad part about it is that nothing anyone can say will get through to you. Some parents hate their kids. Some parents resent their kids for being born. I can't say that you are not in this situation. You could be the victim of sexual abuse or starvation. You could be left chained to a bed for weeks.

However, if your parents are not doing any of those things to you, listen carefully to what I'm saying. The more you fight, the worse your life will turn out. Your mom might be tough, and demanding, but there are police officers who can't wait to be your mommy and daddy. They will tell you when and how to sleep, eat, and go to the bathroom.

You mentioned friends that you could go by. If you pay half your feeding, cable, internet, rent, clothing ect, there is no reason you have to live at home. Even if you are under 18, you can take your money that you work for and file paperwork through the courts to emancipate yourself from your parents. Trust me, you think family is bad, try living with friends. Living with someone is very different than hanging out. I've seen people like you run like the wind when you turn 18, only to bounce from place to place blaming everyone but themselves for their failures. Learn from their mistakes.

Please, please, don't wait until your family passes away before you appreciate them.

^Hmmm, men in this senario marry for love and to provide stability, and a woman marries a psycho out of desperation.

The boy lives where he always lived. If the dad was never involved, the boy stays with the mom, and is raised by the mom and stepfather, who is daddy now.

The 'father' should not come try and claim his son simply because he is married, or because the mom is married. If he didn't give a poo about his son before, let his son call another man daddy.

And vice versa if the mom abandoned the boy.

This is really romantic! Seeing these guys have a theoretical discussion pushes my buttons.

190:
[color=deeppink]

Dude why is there so much collusion in your head

This isnt the issue of been patrotic here & there was clearly no need to call Nigerians names

cos that clearly made you look childish, but my question stands, IF NIGERIA GAINED THEIR INDEPENDENCE AROUND THE SAME TIME AS S.A

wont things be better for us, This is common sense, They were spoon fed till date they still are, we  Nigerians on the other hand had to go through

Experiences, coup' d'etat just to mention a few

The Republic of South Africa as it is today did not gain independence fully at a single point in history. Rather, it went theough a series of transitions.

It first gained partial independence from Britain on 31 May 1910. Then it formed the Union of South Africa under partial British and Dutch rule. It then

gained further independence from the statue of Westminster on 11 December 1931. From there it gained full independence on 31 May 1961 to form

the Republic of South Africa which was governed by the apartheid regime. Apartheid ended gradually in 1990 and the first democratic elections took

place on 14 April 1994 when the first black president of the Republic was democratically elected. That was Sir Nelson Mandela.

Now if we have 5 Nelson mandela wont things be better for us Nigerians,

Things like your thinking is clearly whats making Nigeria not go forward, we need to get together and put things together for things to work,

especially killing of those that wasted the best part of our great Nation, the likes of Banbagina and Olusegun,

Nigeria remains the #1 Gaint of Africa

We have played more role in the Union of all African Nations than any other African Countries, we send our troops every year to war torns nations

to help unify peace, and yet u say we aint the number one

( if you have problems in your family, isnt it expected of the first born son to settle issues amongst the siblings, or do the last borns settle such

delicate issues, this is common sense, anyway i wont blame you cos i once had such thoughts like u till i sat down and saw Nigeria from another

Direction, we surely would get there, No body spoon fed us so we are taking those slow massive Gaint steps into making Nigeria Great, )

Watch out!!   [/color]

190, this is practically a romance novel with all of these bigs words, and lessons on historical significance! And Tosin, you have an unshakable argument there!

I think you guys are both saying the same thing, which is 9ja has the most potential for greatness among African nations, and if presented with the same opportunities as other thriving countries, (and with a successful campaign against corruption), 9ja would surpass other African nations in every category.

Outstrip:
Not my mother. I remember as a child anybody could walk into that home and say anything about us and my mom will believe it. I really hated that. Everybody else seemed to only have good things to say about us but my mother was always critical. It made me who I am today though. I hate to make excuses for myself till today. If I fail at something I take steps to fix it. The example you gave is so extreme though. I think you have to be mentally unstable to defend such

Outstrip we have the same mother! This describes my parents exactly. Especially since I'm the eldest child. My parents punished me when they didn't know which child was responsible for something, because they would tell me that as the oldest I should have faced the responsibility and fixed the situation before it got to their ears. My parents 'believed' everyone, church members, teachers, and even neighbors, and it taught us to think twice about even being around people who are doing bad things. When we actually did something wrong, we knew to take full responsibility, and not whine about "It was a setup," or "The teacher just doesn't like me," because we knew that our parents woudn't believe us, and making excuses would make the punishment even worse.

[quote author=Sisi_Kill link=topic=646394.msg8140889#msg8140889 date=1302960943]@ Topic
Don't underestimate the power of DENIAL as a defense mechanism.

These parents don't want to believe they raised monsters, they don't want to believe their cute little towhead son, whose smile lit up the room, grew up to be the devil's incarnate. . . I mean that's a major blow to their hearts, so they remain in a state of denial and continue to profess their children's innocence in spite of the evidence against them. These people would rather be thought of as foolish. . . crazy even than parents of blood thirsty monsters.[/quote]True!

nebeolisa:
AM BORED NOW I DNT KNOW WHAT TO DO

[quote author=tpiah! link=topic=646873.msg8130398#msg8130398 date=1302840072]you're bored!!

so am i.[/quote]Me too.

Wait, some of these romantic dudes are closet politicians.

LOL!