₦airaland Forum

Most women are chasing me and they tell me i am the most handsome man ever
ladies, what do you think??

The Travails of Seun and Mukina
Odumungudu was a rainforest village very distant from the other towns in Ajingo Kingdom which had Frosbel as King. Odumungudu was only famous as a result of it’s popular river, river Tu which had almost every fish you can think of. Often, fishermen from Odumungudu sold fish from Tu river to other villages and towns in Ajingo kingdom. Inhabitants of Odumungugdu were predominantly farmers and fishermen, and if anything was not a headache for the village, then it was food. Food was so common that, sometimes children from Odumungudu played various games with food items.
One thief that often plagued the village was mr olodo who had thieving in his blood since he was the son of the late Olawalebab whose notoriety for thieving was known across the Kingdom of Ajingo. He virtually the king of thieves in Odumungudu. The major distinguishing feature between Mr Olodo and his late father Olawalebabs was the fact that, unlike the late Olawalebabs, mr Olodo was extremely lazy. He was even lazy to make love to a woman. Where he exhibited his energy was thieving, unfortunately he was often caught and beaten. He had a plethora of scars on his entire body as a result of incessant spanking, whipping, lashing and punching.
One day, Rokiatu a poor widow went to her farm to harvest plantain to prepare a meal for her children. To her utter shock, the plantain she had expected to harvest had been stolen. She was terrified, “who could have done this to me?” she asked herself. The only name that readily came to her mind was the notorious Mr Olodo. Incidentally, she discovered footprints on her farm, so she found a rope and took the measurements of the footprints. She angrily stormed Mr Olodo’s house where she found still asleep. She forcibly grabbed his right foot and measured with her rope, which was exact compared to the footprints on her farm. “Thief!, thief!! Thief!!!!” Rokiatu screamed repeatedly and soon the entire village had engulfed Mr Olodo’s house. The newly married couple seun and mukina were also present and beating is an understatement. Mr Olodo received his best beating ever. Even mukina was dishing out blows, in Mr olodo’s groins, eyeballs, face, everywhere. Mr Olodo was marched across the entire village stripped. It was the first time the notorious thief had been stripped only to reveal that, he had not been circumcised. Even children like larride and yuzedo were mocking Mr Olodo, who kept denying that he knew nothing about the plantain. The most noble and wisest man in the village Mynd44 watched them from a distance and kept shaking his head.
Early next morning around 6am, Mr Olodo had uncharacteristically woken up. He picked a bottle of liquor and headed for river Tu. Still in pain from the previous day’s beating, he stood at the bank of the river and poured libation, invoking the spirit of the river “jinijini” to fight for him . “ I am innocent jinijini, you know I don’t even eat plantains, it is yams I love, yet I have been humiliated by my village folks, please deal with whoever that stole the widow’s plantains…yes, I know I am a thief, I was born a thief, but I am innocent with this one, god jinijini, I petition you to deal with the plantain thief for me, and prepare a table for me before my enemies…” Mr olodo spoke with pain. Soon after his incantations, lightning struck indicative of jinijini’s acceptance of Mr Olodo’s petition. Just a week after this, Rokiatu run mad in the village and was rushed to Okija-juju’s shrine for healing. It was still in the afternoon and Seun and his wife Mukina were having their lunch when Mukina dropped from her stool unto the ground and became lame. Seun was terrified by this so called for help from neighbours. Soon, neighbours were in the house who assisted Seun to convey the now lame Mukina to Okija-juju’s shrine. The moment they got to the shrine, Seun lost his sight. For a week, Okija-juju communicated with the gods to find out the cause of the sudden calamity that had befallen the village, but Okija got no reply from the gods, so he had no option but to discharge the patients to their various homes.
Life had become hard for Seun and his wife due to the sickness so many routines had changed. Before, Seun went fishing from river Tu and mukina prepared them for the market, and that was how they survived, but now they couldn’t do it any longer. They occasionally had foodstuff gifts from neighbours but no fish. Seun then resolved to carry the lame Mukina in his back to guide him to at least get some fish to feed themselves. They usually went with a fishing basket, so when mukina guided seun, he would cast the basket into the river and various fishes would be caught routinely. Interestingly, anytime fish were caught, frogs and tadpoles were also caught by the basket, so when mukina prepared food with the fish, she would eat the good fish and give the frogs to the blind seun who ate without noticing they were frogs.
Seun had grown fat with time, and village folks wondered how one could grow that fat suddenly, but Mukina always told them it was the blessings of the Lord. Their love grew stronger and stronger by the day and their recent predicaments had in no way affected their relationship. Meanwhile, Rokiatu was seen pregnant. “How could a mad widow be pregnant?”, “ who might have done this to a mad woman?”, and these were common questions village folks were asking. One evening, some village folks including mazi omeniko, bunmioguns and Mr Olodo laid ambush around Rokiatu’s house to figure out which man had been secretly abusing the poor mad woman sexually. In no time, they spotted a figure clothed in grass with face covered entering Rokiatu’s room. The men saw Rokiatu’s two little children coming out of the room the moment the disguised man entered. Noises and moaning were heard from Rokiatu’s room. After about seven hours, which was very late in the night, the disguised figure came out of Rokiatu’s room and tip-toed unto the path to the village centre. The men that laid ambush came out and attempted catching the strange figure, but it took to its heels. They chased after him and caught him right at the village centre. Soon the sun rose and they uncovered the disguised man before the entire village, and to everybody’s utter amazement, it was the man regarded as noble and the wisest in the village Mynd44.Mynd44’s wife nadiasa couldn’t believe and fainted on the spot. He was dragged to the chief’s palace, where the chief amanfrommars declared that Rokiatu be married to mynd44. The matter dominated every gossip of the town for over six months in the village of Odumungugdu and even spread to the other villages and towns of Ajingo kingdom, since mynd44 was renowned for his amazing wisdom.
Some months after Mynd44’s ordeal, it happened that he went to one of his farms to inspect his trap. As he was approaching the trap, he sensed someone around his trap, so he tip-toed and got close. He saw Mr Olodo, stealing grasscutter from his trap. “so when will you stop stealing?” Mynd asked in a relaxed manner. “I have not stolen, I chased this grasscutter right from mazi omeniko’s farm, and cught in your trap, therefore it is mine”, mr olodo replied. “ Now, you know you are a thief?, I am taking you to the chief’s palace” Mynd added this time sounding furious. But the unmoved Mr Olodo replied, “now, don’t even try that, or else I will expose you again”. Mynd44 was getting scared now. “expose me of doing what?” he inquired. “ You think I don’t know that you have been sleeping with vivly, wife of the chief of this town? And you are the real father of cfcfan chief’s first son?..oh, you think I don’t know that you practice gay sex with…..?” Mr Olodo replied angrily. “Oh, ok, ok, ok, you see, I am sorry, let settle this amicably, ok ..you can have the grasscutter eh..erm, in fact keep the trap and everything, ok, please don’t tell anybody about these things…” Mynd shivering pleaded with Mr Olodo to keep his mouth shut about the accusations. Mr Olodo went home happily to prepare soup with his booty.
It was the day for Ajingo Kingdom’s popular festival of forgiveness where every village in Ajingo kingdom met at their respective market centres, ate, danced, listened to stories till evening. It was believed that, the gods of Ajingo kingdom forgave everybody’s sins during the festival of forgiveness. So in the morning, Mukina had prepared light soup with fufu for breakfast. She served the poor blind seun with the usual frogs without his knowledge. Because it was a festive occasion, that day’s frogs were extra-ordinarily fat, and Seun ate them like nobody’s business, squeezing every juice out of each of them since he thought they were huge shrimps. As he grabbed one frog and was eating it impatiently, soup from the fish-meat splashed to his eyes. After moments of consistent blinking of his eyes he regained his sight. His happiness was however short-lived after realizing it was frog Mukina had served him. He was furious, so grabbed a club on the grounded and approached the lame Mukina to kill her. Mukina shockingly got up and began running. Seun didn’t relent but chased his wife. They both ended up in the village centre where the entire village had converged to mark the festival of forgiveness. Everybody was shocked. Seun was held by the men and Mukina was left there panting like fish out of water. Suddenly, Okia-juju who was the eye of the gods appeared at the centre with a frown on his face. He called out Mynd44 from the crowd to the middle and ordered him to confess or else he would die instantly. Mynd trembling staggered to the middle of the crowd and began confessing, “I am sorryyyyyyyyyyyy…..i killed Olawalebas,….i killed Rokiatu’s husband Bushy-anus, I have slept with many married women in this village including vivly chief’s wife,…I am sorry….i stole rokiatu’s plantains and sold it to Mukina, I am sorryyyyyyyy”. As he stopped, Okija juju ordered him to confess the other one, or else he would die instantly, so he began, “..i am sorrrryyyyy, I am sorry…..erm,….i ….”, Okija kept ordering him to say it, else he would die, so he beagn again, “ I am sorry,…..i slept with the goddess of the river Tu…..”.

Watch out for part 2

my enemies are more than my hair
but i have not offended them
they are bent on destroying me through whatever means
i dont know juju
how best can i conquer this tremendous hate from fellow humans?
thank you

20. Bigvajina=https://www.nairaland.com/1074147/how-create-own-thread

19.shakara4u=https://www.nairaland.com/588263/shoppin-hubby


18. Olawalebabs=https://www.nairaland.com/658635/god-soccer


17. mikuz=https://www.nairaland.com/845366/new-read-joke-n65-no

16. Booqee=https://www.nairaland.com/857493/very-good-ur-body

15. jackpot=https://www.nairaland.com/751201/sam-suicide-mission


14. bright007=https://www.nairaland.com/651541/gay

13. efemena xy=https://www.nairaland.com/551040/things-sound-dirty-christmas-arent

12. xynerise=https://www.nairaland.com/585753/she-farted-during-cutting-wedding

11. Studio cfr =https://www.nairaland.com/827928/hes-not-serious-die

10. Dani1luv =https://www.nairaland.com/901827/difference-between-gutz-ballz

9. El Guapo =https://www.nairaland.com/687982/open-apology-love

8. bashy demy=https://www.nairaland.com/769899/donald-teacher

7. sutoboy=https://www.nairaland.com/858713/fulani

6. Donkollione =https://www.nairaland.com/857431/learn-how-pluck-kokonut-here

5. sam milla=https://www.nairaland.com/711577/lagos-state-floodly-changes-rivers

4. feelgood=https://www.nairaland.com/680430/baby-brother

3. kellynoah=https://www.nairaland.com/830906/baby-frog-baby-snake

2. bunmioguns=https://www.nairaland.com/774754/computers-masculine-feminine

1. .BIN GBAGBO=https://www.nairaland.com/1419114/warning-u-open-thread-u


honourable mentions...ajibel, homar, ode remo, vicky, vivly, mr t anonymous, larride, erm...who sef?....ben 10, boss t anonymous etc etc

that's my daddy

14. Abu mikey

13. sagamite

12.mr olodo

11.bushyanus

10. ebamma

9. semid4lyfe

8.Nadia-sa

7.Bunmioguns

6! gbaragbara lol

5. bright007

4.forkforkman

3.larride

2. born2fuckk

1. collynzo (that guy na ape)lol

have your say: who is not there?

yeah.

i will marry her for my friend larride

auction! auction!! auction!!!!

but daddy bin, where my name now?

Two story self contained apartment with, toilet, bath and kitchen

interested people should call bunmioguns on 0807463376482123

thank you

see the story building below

nadia_SA: Bin gbagbo!!

Dearie,
[center] APPLICATION FOR LOVE[/center]
The brightness of this day has given me the opportunity to express my outermost affection for you.
Though i have never set my eyes on you before, anytime i even see your post online, them my heart begins to beat
boom-boom-boom, tell me that is not love?.
Sometimes, i read your posts and i errrect, i tell you, i cannot lie to you. I have been seeing you in my dreams, even the last time, you were taking your bath. i swear.your name is on my lips 24 seven, and my fiancee is even jealous about it, i tell you. I am prepared to do anything for you, buy you shoes, buy you khebab, chewing gums, toffees, yoghurts or even apples.
verily, verily i say unto you, you are the apple of my sight, my harmattan pawpaw, sugar of my gari, credit on my phone and socks to my shoe. to say i rove you is an understatement. please can you marry me? i dont care even if you are married, trust me.
if you are interested, reply to me via this thread and let me know.
Thank you for loving me back as i expect to hear from you soon, thank you




TO MY LOVE NADIA_SA *ERRECTS HAAAAAAAAAAAAARD*

this one is a bomb!!!

my friend was denied at the last hour from marrying a lady he had dated for 6 years by the family all because he is igbo and the lady's parents are yoruba. Though the lady still loves my friend so much, her family have ordered her to look for a non~igbo husband.
is there ant hope for my friend?

i no tell you?









bush pig!

ighoosagie: dey chop ur wife, i dey chop ur daughter

dey chop my daughter, i dey chop your WIFE

1. if the op,s name starts with " B" LIke bin gbagbo, bunmioguns, booqee, bigV
2. if the op is a Projaner

3. if the thread name contains "Kwaata"

4. if the joke has a simple thread name

5. if bin gbagbo comments on the thread

6. if the thread is started by bin gbagbo

7. if most comments read " mtcheew"

8. if after reading, your giggle stuppidly

9. if you feel like commenting

10. if the thread is locked by the mods


thank you











mpama!

sexymoma: you are not speaking a moral truth

wetin be moral truth?

firetrap: does this look like china where first cousins get married? you have the guts to say "I used to, I have moved on". you better get that foolish notion out of your head

so cant i speak the truth again?

help me, adultery is killing me.
i always have the urge to cheat on my wife. what do i do?

_A) OBASANJO

B) TARIBO WEST

D) TAIWO

E) BANCY


VOTE NOW!

@kenyattaMoore:
Good! Isn't it an abomination in your tribe?

no

my brother, be careful.