₦airaland Forum

Are u desperate?

Are u desperate?

My fingerprint.

@poster,
if your story is real, as I am having trouble understanding certain things, could you provide answer to the following:

1. Taking a cue from above, how were they communicating after the guy enter seminary?
2. How long, after their seperation, did it take the lady to go after another man?
3. How old is the priest and the new guy?
4. Is the girl religious?
5. Did the priest entered seminary because the lady rejected him or an after thought?
5. What is present state of mind of the lady as regard the priest?

Gentledove,
I can try helping you. But could you tell me more about your condition? Sure books can help you but melancholics may not even be enthusiastic about reading. They need help. Tell why you think you are melancholic? What symptons?

Doyin13,
do you yahoo? IM me.

I thought the thread was old until I open it. Alas, I am reluctant to mention names. But I would say, I have met some physically, and they exceeded my positive expectations, such that at the point of parting, I was reluctant to let them go. I wished we could stay for ever. Fortunately, some stay.

I have chat alot too, dozen, scores, hundred, some last just a chat; some two,;but those that remain are wonderful and I would love to meet them too.

I will not mention names of those I have met physically for personal reasons. Suffice to say that I am meeting and chatting more.


There comes a time in life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will.


To those who never matter, I says: THANK YOU!

To those who won't anymore, I says: GOODBYE WITH NOSTALGIA.

To those who always will matter to me, whether seen or unseen, indulge me to let me say: I LOVE YOU ALL AND WE SHALL REMAIN GLUE BY THE BOND OF FRIENDSHIP!

To thee, I bows!

mishooo,

long time! hoola me!

SamathaZA,
reading your story made me think of a similar one. I go with agb5 on this and that ch-something.

Yes, it is glaring that the guy was principled. Any other guy would have capitalized on your parent's wealth and take your advance.

It is clear that you need to do something about your fiance. How you stay long for ten years and had a child for him without marriage leave much to imagination. The naija guy would have seen something that made him reject giving vent to his passion. And that something is obviously in your fiance.

From your post, he was elated when the two of you first disclosed the existence of attraction between you. And you went further to kiss afterward. But he later said he would think of it. The result was stronger resistance. And he asked you to patch up your relation with your fiance. It is clear he does not want to be involved with an engaged lady.

Before, I advise you. I need to point certain thing out about nigerians.

1. Men, principled men don't like marrying an engaged lady that has a baby for someone else. Not until they are sure the ex is gone for good.

2. If you are richer than him, you have to be careful not to make him feel like you want to buy his love. I want to draw your attention to the fact that your dad broke the news to him. The way he discussed with your naija man is important. I hope it was well.

3. If he is tribalistic, then you have a great task ahead.

My advice to you is:
Extirpate this burning passion in you and return to pure friendship only.
Meditate on your past. Your fiance. Your kid. What is missing? Is it possible for you to get them back? There must have been reasons why you stayed in an unproductive relationship for ten years. What is it?
Next, have you ever bother to find out if your naija man has a lady in naija or elsewhere? Finding the right answer to this would safe you alot of trouble.

Let hear you first before I continue.

People are missing the point. I am sad to note that. I don't want to give advice until the poster had replied to questions above.

The issues go deeper than the sex issue. I wish you guys can see it.

I always known this born again lady when I was young. She used to preach to the egbons to abstain from fornication. Then one day, we heard that she was pregnant. After that she wed.

I am sure you all read through my message. At times, beliefs are genuine and at times, they are just veil use to cover the inward fear, insecurity. Maybe, if the poster's paycheck had been mouth watering, the lady would have had another idea. It depends on the lady.

There is really nothing wrong in what the guy had done.

If I were the guy and the lady did that, I have two options:

to wall away and start looking for a fresh start.

To ask her what she mean by that.


Many ladies see marriage proposal as a ceremony that must be done, if posible in Venus. It is sheer stupidity, and waste of time. I would never dream of going through that. If you want a lady for marriage, what is wrong in telling after four years? I won't even wait that long before I tell her where I am heading. I think, this idea of dating, today had been badly overflogged.

Lol

Ify!

Aj,
only a blind man would not know when he is discharging pus. And only a crazy woman would suck pus in the name of love. Perhaps her nose had been blocked hence her inability to seperate semen from pus.

I am happy though. Now, there is a virture in being a monk.

Laudate,
i love that. That was my concern too.

By the way, where have you been? Since the "polybad" day, you have been scarce. I missed you o! Maybe we would YIM when we are free. Smiles.

Almond,
I am very happy you take the pain to explain that PID thing. I have only been reading but not know much.
You failed, however to tell the effect on men.

I also have cause to take exception to allegation that people at 30 must have had multiple sex partner. I think that is overgeneralization and spread the wrong message across.

On the break, it is a good thing as I earlier said. No one would advice his sibling to go ahead with such lady.

But, I wil be quick to point out that the lady might have been a victim of circumstance. From the poster's language, it is possible the lady is not a flirt. But her ex might have caused her problem. Anything can happen.

Could you specified what the guy should do, in case he had the germ hidden in him undetected?

On those blaming God. I only have to remind them that God gave us ten commandments. The law is clear.

I think we are untying the knot by logic. The man is from the full story in his early 30 or late 20. Contrary to report, he is yet to complete his phd. He is a certainty though.

You are near the truth when you said, he must have interupted her education by impregnating her. As for the timing, fact of the daughter age show he is a student. Let do a simple calculation. If the daughter is 7, and he finish his masters 3 years ago, the we have four year gap. If he spent 2 years for his masters, and have a year NYSC, then we have 1 year left which fell into his final year. That is the minimum.

As for the lady fighting in garrage, that is normal. But I believe it was a bit exagerated to make her look dangerous. She might have faught because of dispute over money or wrong fare.

On her age, I don't imagine her to be greater than or equal 25. That is the maximum she can be.

Using canes on wife, is not new in Nigeria. Especially people from the villages. So I am not surprised.

That the parents are aware of those problems make them culpable. I have my reason and I strongly believe they are one of the reasons why he marry her in the first place. I have seen things like this a dozen times and I feel sorry when it backfired. The story are all around us. Most are well managed, but then, we have bad cases.

I could have been a victim too. But, it is good to be stubborn, sometimes.

Well, they have only one daughter and she is 7 year old.

Like I said, I have read the same story on the day it happened. And from the testimony given by the brother to the late lecturer, it was very clear that they were joined together by their parents.

The lady is not a motor park fighter, she is a typical village girl raised on the farm. But she had always been a violence lady according to testimony submitted at the police station.

@Almondjoy,
A phd marrying an illiterate? Let me point out something to you. If their daughter is 7 year old and he finished his master 3 years ago ( he was reported to be employed immediately after his Masters), then the two must have been dating while he is a student. And must have impregnated the lady during the period.

As you are aware, parents can give their blessing and do temporary wedding pending the time he get money for dowry. From all indication, the lady was also a bright one hence the faith the man had in her. It is possible he thought he can sponsor her to school once married. As a lecturer, he must have know the capability of his wife before telling her to return to school.

Methink the lady wanted her dowry paid quickly before anything. You know how village girls talk about bride price as if they are cow to be bought in the market.

@all,
I am always astonished when a serious issues are personalised and distorted on nairaland. Reading the post again and again: and the replies given by the poster show that he is being honest yet seeking facts on burning issues. The question of AID does not arise. We must pressume that they are AID free. People are just using AIDS as a cover for evading the truth. And that tactic had made more people a victim of circumstance.

The guy, I believe, had discussed the problem with the lady before he took his decision. Let not try to be sentimental. 3 burning issues are begging for attention:

1. The lady's medical state. Was she right to conceal it before then? They knew their HIV status but she hid the others from him. I see that as betrayal. Penalty-seperation. I don't know about the disease, but if is capable of destroying her womb, she is hurting herself. Again, will it affect the guy too?

2. Age limit.: I read somewhere about the partern of people at that age bracket. But on a personal note, most men who want to marry at 30 plus are always intending to have babies. A man that never propose but keep banging women, travels with packs of condom is unserious about settling down. And such men are in large numbers. It is clear that love is not the only factor that influence marriage. I would expantiate on this later.
3. The third issue is the manner of parting from the lady. That is the only aspect I would admonish cooldude. He had inflicted unnecesary psychological injury on the lady. The lady may certainly not be barren. Her excitements, desperation, and past heartbreak couple with desire to get married, may be responsible for the "induced barreness". I think the guy may also play a role in it. Telling her to "get pregnant, get pregnant" without bothering to know God plan put stress on her.

You may be right in parting from her. You are certainly wrong in the method you adopted unless you shed more light on it. The lady would be in pain somewhere licking her wound.

Let not lose the underlying message in that story.

Let me put it this way:

A young man from a village dated a fine girl in the village. By choice or by force ( that is if his parents convinced him to marry her.) The girl is also intelligent but could not further her education due to poverty. While the boy went to city to cart away all available medals in the nearby University, the girl dropped out and started cultivating tomatoes on her father's farm.

During his visit home, he betrayed his emotion and deflowered the lady. In one shot, the lady got pregnant but they did parlour wedding hoping to do the "big one" when he get job. (I said this because their daughter was 7 year old and the man get job with CRUTECT 3 years ago. Beside, it was stated that the lady wanted her husband spend the tuition fee on marriage).

Now, both living together on campus, the man started seeing the other side of her wife. A complete village girl who probably lick her fingers in public, and put her husband to shame before his egghead visitors.

He resolved to send her back to secondary school. He did it in a way that made the wife look like an idiot. The woman however wanted marriage before learning to eat Eba with fork and knife.

Their inability to resolve it amicably leads to constant fight at home.

Then one day, the man threaten to go married an oyinbo and send the wife back to the village. After all, the marriage rite was still pending. The woman cried foul and became more vicious and desperate to remain the legal wife.

One fine morning, both began their usual round of chicken fight with sticks. Then, the woman got mad and beat the hell out of her husband to show that she is also a match for him. And then, she hit the wrong place. The man slumped and kicked the bucket.

Now the lady is a guest in a lice infested cell. The parents are mourning in the village. And their daughter left to bear the pain of being an orphan. While CRUTFCH lost one of her best brain.

R. I. P.

Dicey!

Neither here nor there. Yet very sensitive. I wish I could vomit.

It is time bomb. I love that story!

I have read it on the day it happened. I think parents have a hand in it and that is their cross.

It would serve a big lesson to men too, and the women with stone heart.

Everybody, the lecturer, the wife, the parents, and the country share the blame. Everybody is a loser.

Hapi birthday!

As for his going abroad. That is neither here or there. I am sure, with his education, he may end up cleaning toilets over there. If he can't get a white collar job with your influence in Nigeria, do you expect the oyinbos to make him CEO with first school leaving cert? Even our graduates don't just walk into a company abroad and get job without being screened.

If he insists on travelling, please, let him go! It would be a good riddance. Don't be surprised if he return after two years and tell you the place is harsh.

Getting a certification is useless for a man who don't have intention of practicing what he learn. With diploma in computer, he can do something for himself. He can go for advance study in the area he want to specialise then practice. Nobody can force him to do anything.

I once had an Aunty like your brother. Well, she is in her husband house reaping the fruit of her labour.

@poster,
I am begining to wonder whether you actually lives in Nigeria or another shore. If you go ahead with plan of giving him 1m naira, without guaranttee that he would make the best use of it, then, you are wasting your money. Trust me, that guy would find another excuse why to return for fund.

In any part of the world, Nigeria or USA, you don't need a million to succeed in anything. What you need is your determination and brain. In Nigeria, you can invest 100k into a business that would eventually make you comfortable.

For a man without SSCE, with a diploma in computer, I am afraid, he can't get a job that would fetch him 30k per month in Nigeria unless he work in your company. You are destroying that guy! Have you ever wonder what would become of him if you die tomorrow?

Are your parents alive? If so, call a family meeting. You, your brother, and your parents only. Maybe, you can include a respected old man too. Then present this case to them. He must choose a vocation to undertake and he must make a firm commitment to be his own man. At 35, you have a parasite in your hands. You won't kill him, but you must get him out of your system before you lose control.

If he want a vocation, no matter how much, don't give him the money in cash unless you can trust him to invest it as expected.

NEVER GIVE HIM A MILLION NAIRA FOR ANYTHING UNLESS YOU WILL PERSONALLY MONITOR HIS PROGRESS.

Is that a new law or an hidden one, OMO IBO?

@poster,
what is the level of disability of your spouse? Is he crippled, lame, deaf, blind, dumb or mentally deranged? What reason did your parents gave for the rejection?

A man has neither arms nor legs, and he is doing fine. Doing what some men with all arms and legs can't do. Another, whom I have studied was born without two arms. John foppe, by name. He draws perfectly with is legs. Can open can of coca cola and drink it unaided with his toes. He went to college and made his fortune while still a student. He married a very beautiful wife and both had been enjoying since. Yet, a lady was born blind and deaf and live up to 85 year before she dead.

My point is simple: disables are sometimes misunderstood to be useless people, but some of them are rare gem compared to able body men. If your man has overcame his disability and had shown he is fit. Then try AJ suggestion. Try convince your parents on why you are choosing him.

You know this kind of situation is the reason why the NAPEP billions is never felt. We hope something is done urgently to alleviate the situation.

By the way, the poster must convince the brother to get a certification if he won't go to school.

I knew that kind of girl, Aisha2. I am afraid, your cousin need to talk to her.

I feel her.

When you are in such relationship as this, and there is a crisis, the first step is to find meanst of talking to the man. Any means. Talk to him in confidence and ask for forgiveness if you are wrong. It is after this step fail that you would move to the next step. Find his best friend and let him talk to him in confidence. That would do.

Apologising a media is a wrong step. Going to a public forum is worst. You can only go to the forum if the people there have influence on him or if want want to know what the public think. On the later, I don't see the guy taking you back if he is a private person.

You are adding salt to his injury. But if the guy is popular here and you want members to beg him, then, I wish you good luck.

Let us start begin our man so that his heart can be touched with compassion.

reading through your post, I am seeing something else. But, would keep quiet hoping someone else see it.

Aisha2
it is good to hear that. But wait, did you said 10 times a day? That is still too much.

If it has got to an extent where we have to "confirm" our partners' faithfulness on phone, then, trouble looms. What amases me is people who see one another daily and still call up to 5 times. I have a friend who wife call up to 5 times daily even though they sleep and wake up together in the same room.

As for those who don't see face to face, it is grace. A cheating man would cheat even in your bedroom. So that "oxygen and sugar" love have short lifespan.

At the begining of the relationship, maybe, it is down to FEAR OF LOSING out. But, for one who have made it clear you are not wanted, it is DESPERATION. While if it happen during the relation, it may be JEALOUSY, or INSECURITY. If it is during marriage, then it spells TROUBLE. A nagging wife is hidding behind the curtain of love.

I hate dogs! They make me sad each time they eat shit.

I hope the post is a joke meant for nairaland entertainment. I personally would never take back such lady as the poster.

The post is embarassing.

Aisha2,
the lady must get money sha o. I wonder all this talking talking talking on phone. I am happy I am not a phone type. Anyway, the lady want the guy to know that she can die for him. And the the guy is her oxygen. The sugar in her coffee.

That is it. The guy should keep picking the call na. That would make her happy.

What happened when guys do that? Is that also desperation?

Apart from love, you know there are other reasons ladies call. I hope it isn't one of such reasons I had in mind.