₦airaland Forum

I knew about it. But I kept away from it.

Bonga soup, that is goatmeat soup? Any bushmeat, delicacies?

I'll advise your friend stay with the new guy!
I'll advise your friend return to her ex!!
I'll advise your friend stay away from both!!

That is not what anybody here can say emphatically. Alot of silent questions need answer before making any decision.
Teriba's series of questions would help her.

We forget that the lady was not married to the ex and had two kids at 21. I am seeing deeper than an abusive man. I am seeing a misunderstood case. Let take a second look at the circumstance of that 4 year marriageless cohabitation. I personally would NEVER be happy living with a woman who is not married to me and not ready to marry me after having my baby whatever her . I'll lose interest in her and change toward her since I know, she might be using me. Must the ex hav gone through that scenerio? Living with a lady that has his kids but doesn't want to marry? What kind of parents would allow their ward go into that venture? Everyone that must castigate the ex must equally seek to answer that question. The lady brought the troubles on herself and she must accept that her "immaturity" drove her into that union. Or is it possible she did that for economic reasons? Again, no man who had brain in his head would respect a lady tha cling to him for selfish reason.

That said: the lady must realise that everyman has his weakness, only marriage exposes the hidden gabbages in us. When we marry, we aenter into a contract to accept the other person's shortcoming and live with it. Born or Dead again, a man must have his shortcoming.

She fell in love with the new guy because there was a vacuum in her heart to be filled and the guy happen to be there. He was on hand to listen to her and threw pity party. Not because the new guy is better than others.

Tell your friend to first ponder on her role in the breakup with her ex. Let her re-examine herself and not jump into conclusion. Only this can guaranttee her happiness. But, if she want her kids, she had to marry the ex legally.

Mellow,
i am glad to know you're back. I have missed you.

Iice, mukina2,
I am also glad you are now moderators. Maybe with you there, I may change my new year resolution. You are doing well. Thanks to Almondjoy, I won't have to miss the fun.

Almondjoy,
i got to send you a very private mail. Profession matter. So you should please try and reply. I'll send it before friday. Hope hubby is in great shape.

Mukina2,
I am thinking, I could request for your normal email. I know your policy. But I just need to my message across. You will find mine on my profile.

@all,
keep it rolling. I am enjoying the thread even when I don't post.

Somze,
what did you do ariblaze? I hope you didn't neutralized him for sharing your granny?

Next?

Sanity is returning! Old order is passing. Welcome to a new era.

I would be glad to try it. I wish I can cook it myself.

As for that myth, lifedone, I heard somewhere. I love twins though.

Now this pepper soup, I must confess, I have never tasted one. I heard it can be pepperish so I don't want to have teary eyes after eating. If it could be prepared in a way that I won't have to drink gallon of water, I would welcome it.

Why aren't twins popular over there?

I love yam. Maybe, I can pay you a visit and have a taste. Too much yam, may make them baby twins producers.

Fried beans? Never heard of it. I imagine it would be like fried rice.

I love yam. Maybe, I can pay you a visit and have a taste. Too much yam, may make them baby twins producers.

Fried beans? Never heard of it. I imagine it would be like fried rice.

Wao! So they are also food champions? I hope it has Balanced Diet?

That name in yoruba is "omoniyi". Take note ify.

By the way, do they prostrate when greeting elders? If not, how do they do it?

Wao! So they are also food champions? I hope it has Balanced Diet?

That name in yoruba is "omoniyi". Take note ify.

By the way, do they prostrate when greeting elders? If not, how do they do it?

Wao! So they are also food champions? I hope it has Balanced Diet?

That name in yoruba is "omoniyi". Take note ify.

By the way, do they prostrate when greeting elders? If not, how do they do it?

Why do we have loads of pessimists on nairaland? People who forever think that nothing good can come out of a forum they frequent. I am just sorry for that generation.

As a matter of fact, alot of people had met on nairaland and married. But they never would come out to say so because of the negative people. .

@poster,
you cheated on your fiance and then break the relationship even though he didn't know. Unbelievable! Now, you seem comfortable with a man that would be cheating on his babe. That is a crap. I don't want to believe the story. If it is real. Tell me what happened to the guy you had sex with that made you ditched your fiance? What was the response of your fiance when you call off the wedding? How long between the time you are seperated and the time you met this new guy?

I think you should go on vacation!

Bigold,
I quiet understand you and of course you man's concern. I also understood what you mean by the jamb screening.

Let me put it this way, your guy is probably in the range of 28-30 year old. If I am right, I am afraid, you will lose him for good.

Education, in Nigerian University today must never be used as a mean of throwing away good guy. They are rare. Beside, you will still go for your NYSC and sit at home for sometime scouting for job after your graduation. For those who have seen it, it is not pleasant experience at all.

If your guy is ready for marriage and it accompanying responsibiliy, call him aside and talk to him. Let him know you want to further your education. Then, if he accept that, you have to bear the following in mind:
1. Your school must be close to your husband's home, that is if you are both living together. If not, expect him to make that request. You can be away from him only if he is trustworthy and can hold on. But since you are yet to gain admission, I strongly advise you to school where he live unless he think otherwise.
2. Why not try part time degree programme that would enable you to work and school? If you are in lagos, go to LASU.

Talk to him and let the two of you plan together. At 24, you are old enough to marry if the man is right for you.

One last word, is this guy educated? Or a school cert holder? Is he working or about to? Is he real and worth your plunge into marrital world? Can you trust him? Do you want him?

All these, need answers. And they would be part of your clue to arrive at solution.

You can marry him and still go to school if he is worth it and if you are responsible lady. You won't be the first to do it.

Almond,
you read through my mind.

6 years looking for admission or still in school?

Let hear her first.

"nyaze" lifedon, ify, "keria" and let have more vocabulary.

With "uyoyo" to you all!

Great? Let see how I won't beat it!

"nyaze" lifedon, ify, "keria" and let have more vocabulary.

With "uyoyo" to you all!

Great? Let see how I won't beat it!

That is dangerous. Hope it is culled from Ali Baba joker?

Too much confusion over simple matter.

Argument between optimists and the pessimists. Only a few are rational. Most are either sentimental or product of their past disappointments. They didn't even tell us whether they caused the pain or not.

Shortdistance relationships, unarguably produce more heartbreaks and cheats than long distance relationship. But nobody had discredited it. Marriage failed, break-up, and collapse even when the couple live under the same room for years. A cheating husband or wife is often attracted to a concubine staying away from him. Yet, the critics have not deem it fit to examine why it happens.

If a man is dating two people. One in long distance, the other in short distance, he is more often attracted to the one in long distance than the short distance. Unless, he is sleeping with the lady at near him. Or the lady at long distance is bad.

In a nutshell, long distance relationships fail not necesarily because of the distance but because the elements of a happy enduring relation are not present. Whether short or long, any relationship that lack communication, trust, patience, endurance, and motivated by sex would inevitably fail. And when they have those ingredients, they would succeed no matter the barrier.

Long distance relationship exposes the other person's weakness, infidelity, fake profession of love, insecurity, impatience, lack of commitment etc. I am sure that if anyone in short distance relation notice those trait, he or she would abscond as fast as s/he can.

I think many of us are just saying we can't trust our partner if he/she travel away from us for legitimate reasons. And that is a cheering news. Anyone in long or short distance relation must discountenance the emotion and leave such a partner. He/she is not trustworthy and that is a good news to a discerning mind.

Next?

Eccentricj,
I am not too harsh on Emma. I was being blunt and straightforward in my assessment of fact. I am a man so I know what it take when choosing a life partner.

In life, choosing a life partner is a gamble. You study the situation and then pick the best option as far as you can see. Then you win. Before you know it, you are at it again. And you lose. A man with lack of perseverance will give up, go over to another instead of learning to be in control. A man of solid conviction accept something is wrong, learn from it and then replay. If he discovered that the system he is using is doom to failure, he leave for a better option. Like it or not, everyone of us have to pass through it.

That said, we all have inbuilt character trait subdued in us. It takes a courageous man to reveal his. I like to show my weaknesses to my friends if I have the opportunity. I let them comment if need be. Surprisingly, most people I'd met always accept me that way.

In courtship, we live apart. Be our best when going for a date. But in marriage, those things we are not priviledged to see in courtship start manifesting as we wake up and sleep together. At this stage, we must learn to tolerate others if we can't change them. At the worst, we divorce.

That was my point. I support indepth meditation before making a choice. But I am strongly critical of people who don't know marriage is never going to be like courtship. Marriage is an acceptance to live with whatever hidden fault your partner may exhibit in future. Marriage is your decision to live with one another through joy and sorrow. Courtship is just an opportunity to see what you are buying. You are not allowed to open it. Even if you do, there is a limit to what you can see. But once married, she dress and UnCloth herself before you. We live by our choices.

It is not hard to choose. It is only hard when we are afraid of accepting responsibility that go along with our choices. Little wonder why we have many failed marriages.

Eccentricj,
I am not too harsh on Emma. I was being blunt and straightforward in my assessment of fact. I am a man so I know what it take when choosing a life partner.

In life, choosing a life partner is a gamble. You study the situation and then pick the best option as far as you can see. Then you win. Before you know it, you are at it again. And you lose. A man with lack of perseverance will give up, go over to another instead of learning to be in control. A man of solid conviction accept something is wrong, learn from it and then replay. If he discovered that the system he is using is doom to failure, he leave for a better option. Like it or not, everyone of us have to pass through it.

That said, we all have inbuilt character trait subdued in us. It takes a courageous man to reveal his. I like to show my weaknesses to my friends if I have the opportunity. I let them comment if need be. Surprisingly, most people I'd met always accept me that way.

In courtship, we live apart. Be our best when going for a date. But in marriage, those things we are not priviledged to see in courtship start manifesting as we wake up and sleep together. At this stage, we must learn to tolerate others if we can't change them. At the worst, we divorce.

That was my point. I support indepth meditation before making a choice. But I am strongly critical of people who don't know marriage is never going to be like courtship. Marriage is an acceptance to live with whatever hidden fault your partner may exhibit in future. Marriage is your decision to live with one another through joy and sorrow. Courtship is just an opportunity to see what you are buying. You are not allowed to open it. Even if you do, there is a limit to what you can see. But once married, she dress and UnCloth herself before you. We live by our choices.

It is not hard to choose. It is only hard when we are afraid of accepting responsibility that go along with our choices. Little wonder why we have many failed marriages.

Eccentricj,
I am not too harsh on Emma. I was being blunt and straightforward in my assessment of fact. I am a man so I know what it take when choosing a life partner.

In life, choosing a life partner is a gamble. You study the situation and then pick the best option as far as you can see. Then you win. Before you know it, you are at it again. And you lose. A man with lack of perseverance will give up, go over to another instead of learning to be in control. A man of solid conviction accept something is wrong, learn from it and then replay. If he discovered that the system he is using is doom to failure, he leave for a better option. Like it or not, everyone of us have to pass through it.

That said, we all have inbuilt character trait subdued in us. It takes a courageous man to reveal his. I like to show my weaknesses to my friends if I have the opportunity. I let them comment if need be. Surprisingly, most people I'd met always accept me that way.

In courtship, we live apart. Be our best when going for a date. But in marriage, those things we are not priviledged to see in courtship start manifesting as we wake up and sleep together. At this stage, we must learn to tolerate others if we can't change them. At the worst, we divorce.

That was my point. I support indepth meditation before making a choice. But I am strongly critical of people who don't know marriage is never going to be like courtship. Marriage is an acceptance to live with whatever hidden fault your partner may exhibit in future. Marriage is your decision to live with one another through joy and sorrow. Courtship is just an opportunity to see what you are buying. You are not allowed to open it. Even if you do, there is a limit to what you can see. But once married, she dress and UnCloth herself before you. We live by our choices.

It is not hard to choose. It is only hard when we are afraid of accepting responsibility that go along with our choices. Little wonder why we have many failed marriages.

Eccentricj,
I am not too harsh on Emma. I was being blunt and straightforward in my assessment of fact. I am a man so I know what it take when choosing a life partner.

In life, choosing a life partner is a gamble. You study the situation and then pick the best option as far as you can see. Then you win. Before you know it, you are at it again. And you lose. A man with lack of perseverance will give up, go over to another instead of learning to be in control. A man of solid conviction accept something is wrong, learn from it and then replay. If he discovered that the system he is using is doom to failure, he leave for a better option. Like it or not, everyone of us have to pass through it.

That said, we all have inbuilt character trait subdued in us. It takes a courageous man to reveal his. I like to show my weaknesses to my friends if I have the opportunity. I let them comment if need be. Surprisingly, most people I'd met always accept me that way.

In courtship, we live apart. Be our best when going for a date. But in marriage, those things we are not priviledged to see in courtship start manifesting as we wake up and sleep together. At this stage, we must learn to tolerate others if we can't change them. At the worst, we divorce.

That was my point. I support indepth meditation before making a choice. But I am strongly critical of people who don't know marriage is never going to be like courtship. Marriage is an acceptance to live with whatever hidden fault your partner may exhibit in future. Marriage is your decision to live with one another through joy and sorrow. Courtship is just an opportunity to see what you are buying. You are not allowed to open it. Even if you do, there is a limit to what you can see. But once married, she dress and UnCloth herself before you. We live by our choices.

It is not hard to choose. It is only hard when we are afraid of accepting responsibility that go along with our choices. Little wonder why we have many failed marriages.

Eccentricj,
I am not too harsh on Emma. I was being blunt and straightforward in my assessment of fact. I am a man so I know what it take when choosing a life partner.

In life, choosing a life partner is a gamble. You study the situation and then pick the best option as far as you can see. Then you win. Before you know it, you are at it again. And you lose. A man with lack of perseverance will give up, go over to another instead of learning to be in control. A man of solid conviction accept something is wrong, learn from it and then replay. If he discovered that the system he is using is doom to failure, he leave for a better option. Like it or not, everyone of us have to pass through it.

That said, we all have inbuilt character trait subdued in us. It takes a courageous man to reveal his. I like to show my weaknesses to my friends if I have the opportunity. I let them comment if need be. Surprisingly, most people I'd met always accept me that way.

In courtship, we live apart. Be our best when going for a date. But in marriage, those things we are not priviledged to see in courtship start manifesting as we wake up and sleep together. At this stage, we must learn to tolerate others if we can't change them. At the worst, we divorce.

That was my point. I support indepth meditation before making a choice. But I am strongly critical of people who don't know marriage is never going to be like courtship. Marriage is an acceptance to live with whatever hidden fault your partner may exhibit in future. Marriage is your decision to live with one another through joy and sorrow. Courtship is just an opportunity to see what you are buying. You are not allowed to open it. Even if you do, there is a limit to what you can see. But once married, she dress and UnCloth herself before you. We live by our choices.

It is not hard to choose. It is only hard when we are afraid of accepting responsibility that go along with our choices. Little wonder why we have many failed marriages.

Why do you always have more than one pronouciation? Which of them is correct?

I am surprised the owners of the language had gone to sleep. No wonder, we have three languages in Nigeria!

Ify,
where did you learn the language? Are you living among them?

Emma,
you are making it look as if you are doing the ladies a favour by dating them. At least from your own perception. You are also acting as if these ladies are the best in the world.

You said no one understand what you are going through. You said that you can't be yourself in the presence of a lady. That is to me look like you are advertising your weakness. While you look at other people's weaknesses, you forgot that what you are displaying on this thread is a put-off to many responsible ladies. I am yet to know any lady who will in her deepest heart prefer a man who can't be himself infront of a woman. That is what some call "wussy". You see, ladies also have there criteria when deciding who to marry. Unlike men, they may not be vocal about it. Secondly, most ladies eventually change under the influence of a man who possess strong character. I am not saying you do not have character, I am asking you to learn to be yourself no matter who you are with or where you are.

You also seem to me as someone looking for a perfect woman without fault. That is good. Give it a go. I know that no woman would delibrately advertise her fault in front of her potential lover. You will be stunned after marriage when the reality down on you. Supposing you leave A because of her fault and go to B. After marriage, you found out that B had a fault concealed from you during courtship, what would you do? Divorce?

While you meditate on the two ladies, I want to impress it on you that you must learn tolerance in advance. Just in case. The best advise for your case had been given by others above. The only thing to add is that you must learn to be yourself.

To get you thinking. Supposing you have a daughter or sister like that of your Naija lady, how will you handle her?

I was once in your shoe. What I did was to leave the two ladies. I have never regreted that. I found out that there is always someone better.

Perhaps

I am fine Sir. The mirror is shinning. Thanks for keeping it clean all years.

Eccentricj,
we all have childhood friends, male and females whose impact on us can be deep.

As a result of free access, communication, openess, trust, and confidentiality, we got so close that we long for deeper engagement. When one or both are good, then, people start expecting committment. Just as our own feeling become stronger.

After reading your story, I am going to, as usual take path of caution in what I will say.

To say that you should look at the one you love most is useless. Because, had it not been for love, you will never have gone to the extent you went with London lady. Cross you heart, would you have promised her marriage, and allow her relocate to your vicinity if not for love?

To say that you should leave the London girl is wicked and cruel. Why? The lady is already insecured and had high expectation of the union. If she is not a bad lady, then, you will break her heart needlessly.

To say that you should forget the US lady is tantamount to telling a fish to forget water. Why? The two of you have forged long standing bond that cannot be broken anyhow.

I tell you, you can solve the riddle.

Before solving the riddle, take note of the following logic.

1.If the US girl have found a suitable man in US, she would never accept to return to you.
2. If the US lady have had disappointing relationship during the period you lost contact, then her coming back is not purely a result of love.
3. Your sister, would have informed the US lady of your reaction to the wedding news. And more likely, she would be mulling over your possible formal proposal. Provided she is single.
4. At this level, your sister appeared to favour your re-union wth US lady.
5. It seem, one of the reasons you didn't follow up the US lady is that you are not naturally inclined to long distance love. This manifest in the way you allow the London lady relocated with you to london.

With these, I want you to start thinking. . .

Eccentricj,
we all have childhood friends, male and females whose impact on us can be deep.

As a result of free access, communication, openess, trust, and confidentiality, we got so close that we long for deeper engagement. When one or both are good, then, people start expecting committment. Just as our own feeling become stronger.

After reading your story, I am going to, as usual take path of caution in what I will say.

To say that you should look at the one you love most is useless. Because, had it not been for love, you will never have gone to the extent you went with London lady. Cross you heart, would you have promised her marriage, and allow her relocate to your vicinity if not for love?

To say that you should leave the London girl is wicked and cruel. Why? The lady is already insecured and had high expectation of the union. If she is not a bad lady, then, you will break her heart needlessly.

To say that you should forget the US lady is tantamount to telling a fish to forget water. Why? The two of you have forged long standing bond that cannot be broken anyhow.

I tell you, you can solve the riddle.

Before solving the riddle, take note of the following logic.

1.If the US girl have found a suitable man in US, she would never accept to return to you.
2. If the US lady have had disappointing relationship during the period you lost contact, then her coming back is not purely a result of love.
3. Your sister, would have informed the US lady of your reaction to the wedding news. And more likely, she would be mulling over your possible formal proposal. Provided she is single.
4. At this level, your sister appeared to favour your re-union wth US lady.
5. It seem, one of the reasons you didn't follow up the US lady is that you are not naturally inclined to long distance love. This manifest in the way you allow the London lady relocated with you to london.

With these, I want you to start thinking. . .

Eccentricj,

your case and that of emma is like water and alcohol. They look alike but they are not the same. That of emma is as far as I am concerned not a complex problem. It is not an emergency he still get plenty of time. Beside, he won't have problem in deciding if he is thorough. And your own, is a bit complex when clearly analysed. You see, at different times in my life, I have seen real life replay of what the two of you are passing through. It is not the same at all and require seperate approach.

You have promised marriage to a lady that is insecured, whereas your heart is with your childhood friend. I do have someone like that your friend. A childhood friend with whom I had a great relationship. Confide together etc. But we are nothing than that. People thought we are dating but we don't even discuss love. However, she know when I try to woo a lady and even try to matchmake me to her friend. She gave advices, taught me what I know about women etc. When I heard she was engaged while I was serving, I almost lost my mind. For months, it was like I will die. Well, the story wasn't real. We discussed together later and laughed it off. Somehow, we resolved it. I knew she wanted a date. But something is missing. Then I relocated. She got involved with my friend and is married now.

Emma's case is closed. he just have to think.

But yours? Let me re-read. I think I can learn from it.