₦airaland Forum

There is more to the story! As you said, so many words left unsaid. It is as if you are composing poem for us. You left many things unsaid yourself.

The guy need help why are you people complicating it for him?

David, l like you style.

@poster,
could you tell us what you saw in the second lady that made you unwilling to let go? Her virginity?
Aren't you the one that deflowered your pregnant girl?
What magic word did you recited to your pregnant girl that made her get pregnant for you? "l love you?"
And why must you spend between 5-8 productive hours daily sitting beside a virgin and probably brainwashing her with you deft lies? That hours is one third of your day! If you sleep 10hrs everday and spend 8hrs brainwashing a "raw flesh" then you have 6hrs left! You could redirect the 8hrs into working for the baby's wears, napkins, and whatever. That is a better way. But love is your major concern.
Please what is your definition of love? Hit and run?

You must either be lying or you are what the ladies have been calling you. Donkey, player etc.

If you are telling the truth however, then you need to visit Christ Embasy or Synagogue Church Of All Nations for spiritual cleansing.

You don't need advice. What you need is help from an HIV carrier. You would then understand the real meaning of love.

Turn it into your advantage. Be a goofinder.

Ok. We'll discuss that at the right place. Don't let them know you are my my.

And?

I started honing my mathematics skill after l married. That is to enable me calculate how you spend my daily loots. I just have to be sure my rival isn't getting more than me!

"too much prize to be paid for trial"

and you still think REVOLUTION is not Adversity? Yet you admitted their would be a gain from it!

Where was my mirror wrong?

That l said you sounded like someone from ND does not not implied you are actually a Deltan. You may re read the post l quoted to get vivid picture of the origin of my deduction.

Now, you have a way of twisting your explaination. Perhaps to make me talk more.

ND people have the greatest opportunity of their life NOW. The reason they were exploited in the past was that they didn't take unpleasant risk, collectively, as they are doing now. They hid under the comfort zone of Northern leaders and play dummies for years hoping other people would keep fighting for then.

But when they came out of their comfort zones and started risking their own life by undertaking unpleasant risks and adventures, their traducers started coughing. And now, those trials, unpleasant adventures, the adversities, whatever, are yeilding fruits. Only their own leaders can truncate the gains. Similarly, what lraqis were passing through had only succeeded in unveiling the foundamental problems of the country and its complexities. It also exposes the weaknesses of American Millitary, and her greed for black gold and exposed so many hypocrites. Just as it manifests the stupidity of the people and USA and Allies.

In the end, when those problems are over, l can tell you the people would be better. Adversity they says never leave you as it met you. You are either stronger or weaker.

My challenge to you is to explore how adversities in Romance as manifested in heartbreaks, broken marriage, unwanted pregnancies, lost love etc can be of great advantage to the suffers.

Iice, warn your grandchilly to beware of mirror.

"too much prize to be paid for trial"

and you still think REVOLUTION is not Adversity? Yet you admitted their would be a gain from it!

Where was my mirror wrong?

That l said you sounded like someone from ND does not not implied you are actually a Deltan. You may re read the post l quoted to get vivid picture of the origin of my deduction.

Now, you have a way of twisting your explaination. Perhaps to make me talk more.

ND people have the greatest opportunity of their life NOW. The reason they were exploited in the past was that they didn't take unpleasant risk, collectively, as they are doing now. They hid under the comfort zone of Northern leaders and play dummies for years hoping other people would keep fighting for then.

But when they came out of their comfort zones and started risking their own life by undertaking unpleasant risks and adventures, their traducers started coughing. And now, those trials, unpleasant adventures, the adversities, whatever, are yeilding fruits. Only their own leaders can truncate the gains. Similarly, what lraqis were passing through had only succeeded in unveiling the foundamental problems of the country and its complexities. It also exposes the weaknesses of American Millitary, and her greed for black gold and exposed so many hypocrites. Just as it manifests the stupidity of the people and USA and Allies.

In the end, when those problems are over, l can tell you the people would be better. Adversity they says never leave you as it met you. You are either stronger or weaker.

My challenge to you is to explore how adversities in Romance as manifested in heartbreaks, broken marriage, unwanted pregnancies, lost love etc can be of great advantage to the suffers.

Iice, warn your grandchilly to beware of mirror.

Chaloo, take it back! MOST? That is overestimation!

Vagasimple was right in many ways. And l must add that men had made alot of concessions for women folks. Men are recognising the right of women but majority of women in the western world and minority ( though noise makers) in Africa want to "take all" from men. They want to get their right as well as transform men into women. That is unacceptable. That is why men shun them like plagues.

There is a line of demarcation on the role of men and women in the society. What most of the chauvinist females want is TOTAL CONTROL and mostly "sperm donors". Any man in their hand would never be emotionally attached to them. Little wonder why they are falling in and out of love at an alarming rates.

I believes a balance must be maintained if any relationship must succeed. It ought to be a win-win partnership and not a gaming resort where emotions are turned into basketball that must be dunked at will.

Like fatty had said, it depend on where you are searching.

From your words, l read SENTIMENT in capital letters. You sounded like a Niger Deltan who is bitter about the state of the region. Nobody is happy about it my friend. Secondly, it is obvious you are yet to grasp the mastery of mirror philosophy as your attempt to know what l think failed elementary test. Finally, l need remind you that this is not a political discuss therefore, you would not be able to drag me into the political debate.

That said, from your definition of Adversity, you can see that what the people of lraq and Niger Delta (as case study) were passing through is unpleasant situation brought about by wrong political judgement and economic subjugation of land owners by their oppressors. It is still Adversity. It is still a trial. And it had glaring benefits and advantages! I can see the benefits through my mirror. I can see the advantages. Don't forget my creed tells me to see good in everything.

If you have folks in Niger Delta or Iraq, l say congratulation, you have an advantage! Prove me wrong my humble sir and l would show you few reasons why Niger Deltan and lraqi must thank God. I only fear deviating from the rule.

I want you accept that those situations l mentioned qualified as adversity and therefore had advantages.

What kind of advice do you want? Do you expect right thinking people to ask you to double date?

Sincerely, your gf had made up her mind to return to her ex. She would only complicate thing for you.

You have 3 options:
1. Leave her and go for someone who would appreciate your love. This had been variously suggested above. You only have to mourn a little and the live on. You are relieved of a great burden.
2. Stay with her knowing she had another man who is apparently desperate to have her back. Spend money, time and energy on her to show her that you are better than the ex. The side effect of this is that you may end up a loser. If she find nothing worth dying for in you during the month you have dated that could have prevented her from returning to her ex, then you are in for a tough battle. I calls it "losers' game".
3. Doubldate if that is what your mind want. I tell you, your new girl may eventually leave you if she have any sense. No responsible lady can share their man. Even in polygamous home trouble is a regular visitor. At the end of the day, you would build a negative reputation of being unserious. Good women would surely avoid you if they know. Once you double date one time, the bug goes into your blood, and you may find it hard to remain faithful to one woman.

So what else do you want?

I had just been convinced that you went to the moon Zignorr. 2 and 2 make 22?! I must pass my JAMB this year!

@poster,
which location did you have that experience and which of the two group of men you mentioned would you prefered?

I await your rejoinder in the reflection of mirror.

For those who seek to know the lady's age, here is a simple calculation: if the lady is a doctor doing her housemanship. I guess she must stand between 26 and 30 year in age! I choose 27 for convinience. The guy is possibly around the same age or younger.

My calculation on the lady is as follow: if she finished o'level at 18, and spent 7 years in medical sch. The minimum age we get is 26. Her desperation to marry is a trademark of ladies from 27 year upward. I may be wrong. That is however a fair computation. I am confidence she must have a strong reason for deliberately getting herself impregnated. If Age is not catching her up, then it must bear the imprint of materialism. Such a lady can be dangerous. Yet, l won't blame her. The guy must have seen something good in her before "firing his kalashinikov". He must learn never to underestimate the power of women to get what they want.

Like someone said, let thank God she didn't give him HIV, she only donate a baby which is worth celebrating.

Everything, as my friend had said above, depend on her character. Should she be found wanting, DON'T RUSH INTO MARRIAGE. She won't be the first to have baby out of wedlock.

He probably want to cut corner. To find excuse for multiple dating.

Is this real or a figment of imagination?

Lol!

Lekywhite, that is a good focus area. Could you send me a message on my YM? I have my email in my profile. Chat you later.

@poster,
are you looking for a date or you want to know why people like you don't find love?

Ariblaze, Ufobabe, what advantage does a man on the street have that wouldn't transform his adversity into a blessing? What benefits are the Iraqi expecting from daily bombardment by suicide bomber? Why would some people people spend a life time in overcoming all manner of tragedies while some people may never know sorrow?

I am convinced that there must be reason Niger Delta has brought so much sorrow to many people while a lazy state in the North flourishes on ND wealth.

Of what blessing and in what magnitude is an advesity that consume a half of the populace?

Ufobabe, you mentioned "favour", is favour a special dish for special people or everybody?

Ariblaze, l read that wonderful piece on gentlemanly, l would revisit later. It was a commendable research from a disciple and master of "Mirror Philosophy" l am sure many people would find it educative and digestive. Again, l would revisit later. Let conclude adversity. We have so much heart break here on nairaland and so many tale of woos. Love cheats, broken trust, failed love, et cetera. We need a sharp mirror to look at the benefits acruable from those adversities. Be it physical adversity or emotional adversity, adversity is still adversity.

Over to you!

My heart go to the innocent product of that copulation. I have seen scenerio like this. The couple married but the marriage was too hot for them. The man suffered, the mother suffered. And they both transfer their frustration on the innocent child. The child grew up with grandma who spoilt him and made him a nuisance. He is such a waste of divine gift.

The child is now a big boy living a reckless life. Both parents eventually went their seperate way and remarried. That child lives in my former street. I don't ever pray for my enemy to be like him.

Why not compromise, for the sake of the baby? The most logical thing to do now is to own up to it.

Tell your parents about the circumstance of her getting pregnant. Please be honest about it. Tell them it was a trap and you don't want the baby to suffer. I am sure if you have understanding parents, they would bail you out. I have been lucky to witness this one too.

What would happen is that, you accept the custody of the baby with full support of your parents. And then face whatever it is that is holding you down.

After delivery, she would have to make her choice on whether to stay or leave. It is not really difficult. Just confide in your parents.

"Ti Aja ba fi ori k'omi, A gba ile olowo e lo!"

I do not see what you are passing through as a problem at all. I see it as an opportunity, and challenge for you to be counted among the champions. If l found myself in that state, (though it is very unlikely as my kalashinokov don't think for me) I would welcome it with an open arms and make a man out of that child. As for the mother, she would have two options and they are fair.

My brother, TELL YOUR PARENTS ABOUT IT. They won't kill you. Once the lady know that your parents know, she would not give you empty threat again. She would think.

.

Those people you mentioned are smart people. They split their loot into three. They soiled their names with a third of their loot. Spend one-third to clean the mess. And the lavish the remaining on the ego trip.

Only a poor man can't afford to soil his name.

It appear the lady had made up her mind to have the baby out of wedlock. Somehow, I am affriad to say there is something fishy about you and the lady. Much as I would say you erred. The deed has been done. Nothing we do or say can recerse that. Abortion is a risky option.

Many questions begging for anwers. Why would she want you by all means? Why would she keep flowing with guys even when she is pregnant? Are you from rich home? If yes, I am affraid, you have a gold digger in your hand. If NO, what is the reason that made her insist on having a baby for you? You must have a clus unless you are dumb. I want you to research into that quickly.

It is not what happen that matter but what you do with what happen.

This is my candid advice:

in this cicumstance, find out how old is the pregnancy. It is silly of you to know wken she does her menses but not how old is the pregnancy she carries. It is better late than never. Owe up to the pregnancy, but, I am sorry to recommend this line, DON"T MARRY HER! At least not now. tell her that and see what her reaction is.

Did you say she is a doctor? or a medical student? Please if she is a doctor, then she know what she is doing it. Don't trap yourself with marriage when you are not sure of the outcome. It would only worsen your plight. Maybe you can arrange a temporary marriage subject to some conditions.

A lesson for you and other guys. IF YOU ARE NOT READY FOR THE OUTCOME, DON'T DO! Next time, after this storm is over, you would learn to tuck your thing where it belong.

Let hear more from you so we may see if we need to remodel the above.

Marriage is the cheapest allaince l can think of at the moment. Any way who is the fish? And the birds?

Why?

Who is a bird and who is a fish?

Whaever they are, Efuah was right, they would build their house on trust.

Your posting made you look as if you are the lady. You didn't clarify enough to enable members understand you.

Whatever, l don't think you have big problem as such. You only have phobia.

Since you are working, the first step is to reconcile with your parents.

You are the cause of the problem in a way. Try adopt diplomacy. Find people that have your parents' ears and let them persuade your parents to let you be. As a banker, there is probability of your being posted away from the north if you reach a certain level in your career. It depend on you. So you could still rejoin your parents in future.

By the way, what stop you from visiting your parents occationally? Visiting them would be an opportunity for them to re-evaluate their stand. It happened to me, so l can tell you that the reason they want you around is your safety. Your well being. The circumstance of their disagreement with you might not be unconnected to the manner you made your choice. They might have sensed arrogance in your presentation, hence their stands. Like l said, l passed through it so l know what l am talking about.It is your duty to find ways/people to convince your parent to let you make a choice. They love you, that is why they acted that way.

On the lady, that is another aspect. Don't take the lady home until you have reconciled with your parents. Let chat on my YIM later.

Another thing to note: DO YOU IN YOUR INNERMOST HEART LOVE THAT GIRL TO THE POINT OF MARRYING HER? Do you really want to marry her? Why did you say 20% chance? Is it only your parent or it has to do with you also?

As for your parents being tribalistic, it matters and it doesn't matter. We would discuss that.

Killings in the north is not as prevalence as it used to be. I lived in the north during Jos crisis. I was at the point of origin of the crisis. So l can say it is not a pleasant experience. That however, does not mean l cannot live in the north again. There're peaceful places to live in the north.

Yes, l almost forget. The freezing granny is back. Thanks for the reminder.

Efuah had asked you one of my questions just as contributors are right to ask.

That 20% tag, is it real or imaginary? Have you bother to gauge the guys opinion about this?

How would you be so sure that the real reason he was disowned by his parents was his desire to live in the north? I want you to give this a deep thought. I once had to relocate into another state against my parent's wish. It was tough convincing them but they never disown me on that account. I visits them when l can. Parents differs but to disown a child must have deep underlying cause.

Next, is he living with you? Are his parents rich of poor? Do both of you practice the same religion? How long has he been in the north? Is the job he presently does lucrative? Did he ever tell you about any other disagreement between him and his parents? Is he married before? Did he has a lover in lagos his parents were aware of? Are the parents trying to give him a wife? Are they tribalists?

For now, l'd rather focus on the guy than his family. There are two distinct challenges before you. The guy, on one side, the family on the other side. The side having to do with the guy is the most serious aspect. But it does appear, you have either overlooked that side or you already tackled it.

It is useless for us giving you advice on what to do with the parent when a silence question about the guy is begging for attention.

A four months old relationship, it is still too early for you to be so sure. Some men can be are chamellons. They are simply transform into your desired colour. Only by testing can you uncover their real colour.

I would appreciate it if you could provide answer to each of questions above. It may be too much, when you ponder on them, you would realize how important they are to your happiness. I am sure other members would agree with me on some if not all of the questions.