₦airaland Forum

Bolade005:
Ma, this is funny.

If she's married to a man like me, believe me, this won't work. I'm not lazy but when it comes to domestic chores, I'm not just cut out for it.

Bed is not laid, I will sleep for chair even rug na. Kitchen is dirty? Is it my kitchen? Late dinner? No problem as long as there is something to munch on inside fridge. Some guys don't care if the house itself is upside down.

Only prayer can change us.


Your man is my nigga. Sorry ma, just take it easy on yourself. It is well.

But you have never seen me scatter a house.

I'm realllllyyyyy good at it. It's my one talent

Dexterush, you're like my mum, never a straight answer: "where is my toy, mummy?" "in my head!"; "what are we eating mummy?", "Food!"; "Where are we going mummy?", "Out!"

ambient:
This is a good advice but my dear I married to a nerd, if the house like make Im day tumble it's not his business. So far it's not disturbing him or his working space his good.

The go and scatter his working space. Carry your pikin and drop her in the middle of it and look shocked when something destroys.

ambient:
Please how do you wonderful women get ur husband to participate. In housework. I have talk, shout, threatened, cajoled. And still have not been able to make him hang his clothes not to talk about housework coupled with my baby that hardly sleep.
I think that am suffering from postpartum depression but have been trying to help myself a little.

Ps he always say no to the idea of household.

But is he getting laid regularly?

See, all men think women are hardworking creatures who were trained from birth to not only wash clothes, clean the house and cook, but to do all of that HAPPILY. In their minds, they think you are complaining because you want to make them feel guilty. They have been told all their lives that nothing makes a woman happier than to spend her entire day chasing her babies and scrubbing the pots till they shine and spending their nights loving him till he screams.

So show him you are tired: if the house is dirty, let it be dirty. If dinner is late, let it be late, infact tell him "honey I'm planning on having a headache next week saturday so no show". If he threatens to cheat, laugh and ask him if he really wants to be wasting money in this era of Change. With time, he will realise you're a human and help out. When he does, reward him in bed.

cococandy:
Meanwhile the girlfriend is also somewhere crying about how you took her man and got pregnant for him.

Do you know that's the truth? Life is a pot of watery beans mehnnnn

Imagine if she comes to open thread "my bf whom I was discussing marriage with cheated on me and moved in with another girl. I was heartbroken but tried to move on. Now she's pregnant and he came home recently and told me it was a mistake, he doesn't love her and she is forcing him into marriage. Please what do I do?"

Sigh.

Maaamaaa:
He said he loves me somehow and that I'm a wife material but I'm demanding so much attention.

He said I talk a lot and he does not like talking (gisting) that he likes being alone.

He said he does not care about the pregnancy because he does not know anything about it and he feels since women do it almost everyday, it's not so difficult.

He said I cry a lot and crying irritates him.


I still don't understand all these and I feel so sad and unhappy.

For the love of St. Peter and Paul,

1. Put the wedding on hold till after the baby comes

2. Start saving any kobo you can get

3. Ask him if he is willing to do Registry for now, as it will show a sign of commitment to both set of parents. That is the cheapest form of marriage and the most legal, so you are still a Mrs. Leave bride price alone for now since he needs to take a loan to pay for it. Haba, he is borrowing money to pay other debts and there are more debts coming in! If he is not, onto no.4

4. Stop acting like his gf, stop banging him and start treating him like a roommate. Yes, he should contribute towards his bills, no he doesn't owe you affection. Stop wondering why he doesn't love you, stop calculating how many yards of wife material you think you are, end it and focus on your child. Lovelier, nicer girls than you have been dumped pregnant. Uglier, evil-witch personality chics than you have been dumped pregnant. So stop worrying about what you cannot change.

5. Start worrying about not ending up on NL next year begging. Which means you need to be smart now, don't wait till next year. Get a notebook and start writing plans ("where is antenatal, best markets to get bargains, what can I borrow from another mama in my vicinity etc" ).

6. Give him SPACE. Let him decide whether he wants to marry you or not. Don't let him be pushed into a December wedding because you're going to be on NL next year, with a new moniker, crying your eyes out.

7. Let him at least know where his money for next year's rent will come from, let him find his feet financially. After that, if he wants you, he will find you and marry you, he will force that ring on your finger.

8. Right now, you look like the cause of his wahala (unfair but such is life) and he is shutting you out. You cannot force that door open. So let him breathe, he is 32 and cannot afford to pay his rent and got a 23 year old knocked up whilst maintaining his old relationship and his parents are pushing him to be responsible for once in his life, he's in no shape to be ANYONE'S husband right now.

Okay? I need you to please go to Pregnancy thread and starting thinking like a Mother. Let God and Time fight the battle for you and show you the result, yay or nay.

soonest:
Yes you are right. Many believe house chores are women's responsibility strictly.
When I didn't have a help, hubby will attempt to help but now with help, he's on phone/TV mode.

Funny enough, Himself is concerned more about the kitchen than any other room. He even likes making breakfast (as in pancakes and scrambled eggs, sausages etc).

Tojued, I get where you're coming from: we had no help in the first 6 months and Himself helped out. Now that we do, he still does some stuff but he doesn't want to do much (his favourite sentence is "Just superviseeeee!" and I always ask "Supervise precisely what?? Hanging clothes outside, closing the cereal properly??". But it did make us feel closer having to find our feet together by ourselves. Though we were more tired.

pacpatty mama, sorry o. I saw your mention, what's up? Please send away.

Maaamaaa:
Okay MA. I'll tell him about the ante-natal but I don't to call off the wedding if not he will use it against me to my parents and his parents. I want to focus on me and my baby and let him decide for himself what he wants.

So, if you don't call off the wedding, are you hoping he will do it for you? And if he doesn't, will you go through with it in December?

I see, just read the post before mine. You want tips and encouragement to win him back. Alright girl, best of luck to you.

Maaamaaa:
I earn 80,000naira monthly but my firm pays us 50,000naira this year and I did a contribution of 30,000naira earlier this year, so right now I get 20k a month and I use that for my upkeep... My contribution ends this month so by November salary I'll get it 50k and I'll register for my ante-natal then. I'll be four months plus then.

I have no savings for now...

I'll get my baby things from January next year because my EDD is may 2017..

Since you know your way around Pregnancy thread, start by asking them which Govt Hospital you can use, how much to register, antenatal days, best markets to find cheap stuff etc. Please tell him to at least pay for antenatal, he owes his child that much. Since both of you are sharing bills, he takes care of antenatal, you take care of buying baby stuff.

Don't take a loan to finance a wedding, you're supposed to use your wedding to offset some bills. So that defeats the purpose if cash gifts go towards repaying your loans. Maybe shelve the wedding plans and just tell him to register you for antenatal. Forget bride price, forget traditional marriage for now and certainly he has more pressing issues than renovating his family home (I'm beginning to see why this guy is running mad and making idiootic mistakes). But let him pay off his mum's loan. That would take pressure off him. But no wedding of any sort till baby comes. Focus on getting that right. If he wants his child and you in the future, he can bring bride price and beg all the beggables.

Maaamaaa:
Yes, it's totally my fault. I decided to stay because I was just stupidly in love.

I won't make this same mistakes again, I just thought there was a way I could make it work but I guess there is no way . I have decided to keep my head high and ride through the storm.

My baby and I is my priority.

Thank you for your harsh but loving words. GOD bless you all...

Okay let's move on.

Game plan:

1. How much can you be saving monthly? No buying lunch outside, gotta cut even small costs.

2. Has antenatal been paid for? He should do it

3. Start finding strength inside to face him and the whole world. Please don't bring this gist to anyone in your office before things get ugly and you end up losing your job.

4. Start sourcing for second-hand baby stuff (clothes, feeding bottles), there are a few tips to cut costs there.

Maaamaaa:
Thank you Ma. He can't move out because he has no where to go and he is broke. It's a two bedroom apartment and we have separate rooms.

Should I stop cooking? For both of us

Babe, you still think if you can just love him enough show him your wifely attributes, he will repent. This is a man eating your food, sleeping under your roof and treating you this way. Wake up and smell the burning akara. Why can't he feed himself? He should be paying for his bills and his feeding, so no money, no food. You and he are working, so where's his salary going?

Maaamaaa:
I heard they do not give maternity leave to women that are not married where I work.

That doesn't make sense, a pregnant lady is still pregnant, married or not. Go ask your HR.

Don't marry this guy. He doesn't love you, you don't love him, so why force things? I'm sure someone will tell you to go ahead, he will love you later. But no-one can promise that. Keep working, if anyone asks about the baby's father tell them with a very strong face "we met when he came to town and it didn't work out". You have to pull yourself together, you and your ex work together, you're pregnant and hormonal, I mean, you really have to strengthen your mind.

If this young man relents, don't allow him to put a ring on your finger till after the baby is born. Don't let his guilt consume your life eventually. He has to prove that he wants you for you, not because you got knocked up. So when the baby comes out, things will be rough for the first couple of months but once it stabilises, both of you can look forward and see what you both want for yourselves and your child.

A lot of guys react like this fellow after making plans and promises in the heat of emotions and then reality slaps them in the face. He did cheat on his gf and you enabled him, so you two must at least try and start afresh on a cleaner slate. But you're not going to fix things now and if you do get married, the next 6 months will feel like hell and if you're unlucky and this guy continues to hate your guts, so will the next couple of years. So put all thoughts of weddings aside until after baby is born.

Dyt:
LMAO

Cannot believe one of his monikers was "Mary Opeyemi". Wonder how many guys he has scammed pretending to be a chick.

Dyt, ifyalways and anabelle, you guys should form the No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency (check out the books). Una go make money tire

Family section, biko I am in need of serious funds! I am a mother of 2, one is starving currently and the other is busy throwing my phone and wallet into the dustbin because they are empty and full of crap. I am currently unemployed. My neighbours are unserious youngsters so I certainly can't scrounge off them. My elderly mother is alive and well, but I may as well use her to obtain funds. My husband, I don't know his exact location right now. So, I have laid the groundwork, now it's time to punch in the passwords to unlock your accounts: God, hungry, babies, elderly mama, orphan, destitute, suicide.


Annnnnnddddddd GO!

Dyt:
Seun is an ijebu stingy man
He wants to be paid for everything

Seun osewa
I lie?

Oga seun, try and negotiate something with the app makers for cut of future profits (get a lawyer, have a contract written out). Then push the product well.

Dyt:
Abeg winch language is that?

And Seun and Co might not do that cos it's a form of advert

Deltan languages. He should, it's a Nigerian product and it's free (I'm sure it has adverts in it so the OP is gettong paid still), OP discuss with Seun and see what you can do to generate buzz together.

Prettyhurts:
She's just 5months, can I start weaning her or should I continue cajoling her to take her formula?

Hmmm. Some people will say that's old enough but can you hold out till 6 months? Try asking DH to feed her if it will help.

Mamas, have you seen this thread?

https://www.nairaland.com/3425542/created-app-teseem-teach-kids#50475290

They have created an app that teaches the main Nigerian languages. The OP says it's free for now so why not check it out and see if you like it.

Doubledouble:
Hello mamaas...pls does anyone have any good domestic staff agency info?? My wonderful nanny leaves soon to progress in life...any good agency in Abj or Lag...tried and tested ones pls, not all these one man love-vendor agency...lol

I have always used uniforms for my staffs...ankara. It is a very good thing to do, keeps them focused on what they are there to do. Not always though, imagine my shock when a girl I just employed asked me to make her jumpsuit n romper as a uniform, and even showed me the pictures of the style!

My advise, let the uniform be professional but decent.

Cc: feddy27, onegai and all sabi mamaas. Thank you!

I don't know about Abuja (Tojued is the resident abuja mama) but in Lagos I'll ask my sis. She seems to know those kind of stuff.

mompurity2 and prettyhurts, welcome to the club. Baby E did the same (and hers was much worse!), my niece did the same (and at 8 months switched fully to Eba and ogbono soup). A lot of babies do this, and try as you may to change formulas and feeding patterns, sometimes they decide to start drinking again from a bottle by themselves or sometimes they just don't want it anymore. If your babies are above the age of 6 months, start weaning and concentrate on foods rich in Calcium (like sweet potatoes) and load her with veggies and maybe add a vitamin supplement.

Lizzies, I'm so happy about this and I'm going to mention this to everyone I meet until it gets to someone who can help you push it more in the limelight. Currently you don't support my indigenous languages but I'm looking forward to the day you do

and yes, I'm going to say this: Seun, Lalasticlala, mods, please move this to the frontpage.

ehonda:
Is it normal for a nursing mother to feel sick? Its her first baby and she is complaining of headache, body pains, cold, feverish, loss of appetite and weakness. Even vommitted the lil food she manage to eat. Wat can she use to feel better that won't be harmful to her 2weeks old baby cos she is doing exclusive breastfeeding.

Back to the hospital. She's sick and if she did CS, or a long labour or had a cut, she should be checked.

olayinkajnr:
You get. I remember when he woke up around 12:30am, when I was just enjoying my sleep. His mum was so tired that she couldn't do anything. No cry I no fit cry that day. I could remember telling him that I don't have breast, I could have given you to suck.. Even him mama breast, he no gree collect. Around 4am, he slept and woke up around 6:30am.

Go to that thread and ask about baby sleep training tips there or use the Search function. There are mothers and fathers on that thread who have children like that.
https://www.nairaland.com/971395/new-born-babies-u-new/685

FINA4804:
@sugah, I laughed when I saw your post about your nanny.
@preVa, some agents take 10k that is the highest I have seen.
To all mamas pls if your nanny is not a Live in pls do routine checks like once in six months. Don't just do the first time and relax pls to avoid stories that touch.
@onegai, my nanny is a woman (a widow) sometimes the way she will dress I will just tease her, are you looking for a customer? ( tight legese with short top, you will be seeing all her curves to tge shape of het virgina) And she will laugh, will it be right for me to sew a uniform for her ?

She should. As long as your nanny is over the age of 18-21 (the legal age for employment), please treat her as an employee. When you put on a uniform, it puts the mental idea, subconsciously, that you should be more professional. It should and she will keep the uniform and with another client, use it as packaging ("I'm a professional o, I have a uniform). I have a feeling yours may decide to get offended but tell her it is a requirement of her job and she can feel free to dress as she wishes on her own time.

Honestly I see a lot of people abusing tights and leggings and fitted clothes. Especially the so-called "my eye has not opened" girls. Who come with tight clothes and a bottle of Caro White in their bags and will be telling you they don't know anything about life.

Ochuwaidatsaba:
Hi Onegai, I am Ochuwa, I would like to know how I can get bulbs of blood lily. I need them for my research, studying Horticulture and landscape design. Can you help?

Hello. I don't know, I think your best bet is to make enquries from Rosety Gardens, Taison, Aralia by Nature or Oma Gardens. Then have a look around those local gardeners and finally if all else fails, order seeds online.

sugah:
Tchai! Wonderful suggestion on the uniform.
But they cannot wear the uniform for outings can they?
Cos my own na outing be the ish.
She is not a live-in nanny at the moment and due to her usual lateness, I told her to ensure she comes early the next day cos we would go drop my MIL at the airport. Babe showed up the next morning (late as usual) and decked to the teeth.....Skin tight micro mini gown with blue eyeshadow, earrings and shoes to match

So is it OK for them to wear the uniforms outside?

Why not? They wear the uniform as long as they are at work and remove it on their day off or on Sundays to church. Infact, pitch it to them that it makes them look more professional, more like "trained Nanny" rather than "Househelp". All the trained nannies do, especially those Filipino nannies (who earn in dollars). So why not our girls?You can make it in any colour, even mention the fact "hey this will really help you save your clothes". We are going to make ours in ankara/fabric mix.

BritneyStacy:
We are in Nigeria Mma. How do we do that?

Well, locate mamas in your area and take it from there. Check the shops to see what is available for pumps, whether replacement parts are available (the more expensive, the more likely sections are sold separately, I've seen one). If a pump costs N150,000 and the nipple suction and pipes cost N5000, then it becomes clever to either buy and rent out or split the costs with other interested mamas.

PresVA:
hey mamas, what medical tests do I need to conduct on my nanny asides hiv, hepatitis B and pregnancy ?

Also, how much is fair for agency fee?

cc onegai feddy27 , sugah , etcc.. any mama that has nanny ...

thank you ..

I did those. I didn't do agent fees but you can give N5,000. I do hear of arrangements where the agent takes a percentage of the Nanny's salary. Try and get a picture of her as well, clear as possible. Also, it may seem weird, but let her wear a uniform. It makes it easier to avoid things like "what are you wearing, don't expose your body, your clothes are too tight/faded/unclean, why did you fix nails" blah blah. 3 simple uniforms and it makes her look more professional and upgraded for future employment (Childcare can be serious business, I know someone's nanny whom when she was leaving them, got cash gifts amounting to N450,000 and an offer to return whenever she was available).

Zheemub:
Hello mums, how's your weekend going?
Want to know if watermelon can be given to a six month old baby?
Also what type of fruits can I and can't give to him?
Thanks for your time.

Watermelon is perfect. But I heard that watermelons I used to get for N400 now sell for N800. Sigh. Pears, apples and most fruits are good. Just avoid acidic fruits (citrus, pineapples) because they could cause rashes. Use the Search to check because I recall I wrote one long post on it a while back. HTH.

For the mums exchanging tips about the electrix breastpumps, those prices are quite high (and will probably climb higher). If I may make a suggestion, in the U.S. you can actually loan the expensive breastpumps, all you need to do is buy the suction plastics and sterilise everything else. Perhaps some mothers may be willing to do this, I for one cannot see myself paying over N150,000 for an apparatus I won't be using for upto a year.

Pretimum and rofemiguwa, Amen to your prayers and thank you for saying them.