₦airaland Forum

SELENAqueensy:
if u asked this question last week i would have said personal brilliance. But there is this page on instagram that shares people relationship stories and a lady shared hers and asked for advice. She said she was very careful of choosing her man, she observed and screened him carefully and after dating for 3years, they got married.. 3month into the marriage she realized the man was gay and in a serious relationship with the man that was the best man at the wedding. So it's not just personal brilliance.
I would have said its luck but it takes God's grace to be that lucky.. So it's the combination of the 3.
Personal brilliance+luck+God's grace= Mr or Mrs Right

Then her vetting skills were poor and sub par.

Even the devil would leave a hint. She had an inkling she just didn't take it seriously to have taken a cusory look. Except when she means those 3 years she was doing the lovey dovey and whatnot vetting and skipped the hard talk. You know when some people are in love, red flags look like red coloured roses.

There are always tell tale signs people just choose to ignore it most times.

pharmagba:
This superstitious and erroneous belief is common there. I even remember my situation because I'm not married, a nurse whose mother asked my dad to look for job for her was called one day that a work is available.
The work according to my dad is to nurse his son and care for him that the blessing comes when a man is married

I have been privileged to travel round Nigeria and there is no where I her this more

...stop making statements without fact. Poverty induced by making bad decisions based on societal pressures cuts across all nationalities and race. I guess to you the word rat race is a word coined in the SW?

The op has stated the basic fact that cultural and societal pressure is keeping most in poverty and it seems like a cycle. Just check societies with large populations world over and you would discover that they have the most level of poverty. The reason is not far fetched. Kids are huge liabilities and when you have them unplanned and without backup funds and insurance you would be wrecked financially and swim in poverty.

Any sane mind would know that if you have an income of 20k and someone gives you a G wagon that takes 50k to fuel per month, 100k per month to service and other associated unexpected expenses; you would run bankrupt before the end of 30days

The old ways of having lots of kids should be over by now as it does not give you any financial advantage in the society like in the past where they can help you in the farm and thus cut down labour costs and generate more income. Kids are very huge liabilities and if you're not buoyant enough trust me you would transfer that poverty to the next generation.

However, i slightly disagree with the opinion that young people shouldnt be encourage to get hitched. We should infact encourage them to marry but not with these our mindset of getting knocked up immediately and giving births to offspring when you aren't steady on your own. The premise of encouraging them stems from the fact of preventing them from engaging in immoral acts and the understanding that two good heads is better than one.

Wealth is created when you carve a part of your income and invest it into profitable ideals. It is easier for two people to pool resources together and make it a success than for one person to go it alone. A man who's married would definitely cut his cost in terms of feeding as it is more cheaper to cook healthy food at home than to buy unhealthy 1500 food from a retail outlet. He also has more productive time chasing other things instead of being bogged down by daily house chores as this responsibility is "SHARED" with his partner. Same way a lady who is married would not need to pay for yearly house rents, utility bills and other since she shares one with someone and these freed up funds can be used to invest in something and generate more income and thus MAY spun wealth. But the society comes in again and demands elaborate wedidings which infact most times set up the young couple to fail even before they get a chance to starting their lives.

cococandy:
At topic, I see nothing wrong with this depending on the age of the kids. It is very important for growing and curious children to know the truth concerning sex and its consequences.
The more they are shielded from the truth, the higher the likelihood that they become easy prey to pervs in their bid to satisfy their curiosity.

Given our culture where sex is a taboo topic, I can understand if many parents are bashful about broaching the topic. But I've decided I won't be that kind of parent. Whatever my kids need to know they will learn from me before they have the chance of being corrupted or molested or both in their bid to teach themselves and satisfy their curiosity.

If we take away the taboo surrounding the topic, the allure won't be as strong.

You need to read the ignorance of the posters above yours. So sex education is wrong? Even one saying he learnt himself and no one thought him and his kids would do same. No wonder most homes and have marital issues related to coupling since they have been desensitized and brainwashed. Also you need to wonder why teeneage pregnancies is so prevalent in our society. Most don't even know that there are contraceptives or preventive ways and the girls end up exploited. No matter what you say, education trumps ignorance and as soon as a child is old enough they need to be introduced and educated on sex.

@op
This book is absolutely normal.

tearoses:
When cases go on and on like this, so many things start to loose focus.
My initial thoughts on this is that they had an argument, she said something and she ran into the toilet
He in anger shot at the door maybe with the intention of scaring her
I dont think he intended to kill her
But as you know when playing with the devil anything can happen

I guess it depends on if they can prove that he knew that she was in there
His claims of not knowing that his gf was not on the bed when he heard noises is just absurd

CC...There is friendly fire. In the moment of panic anything can happen. You aren't thinking straight and we all have experienced a situation where you hit a friend mistakely while trying to flee a situation. I can't recall vivdly the details anymore. So i would just pray justice prevails. Dont want to send an innocent man to prison and wont be fair for the family of the bereaved to be denied closure.

tearoses:
onegig what do you think about the pistorious case?
I can say that the defence did a great job today in emotional blackmail
For the first time ever since this happened the smallest seed of doubt has been planted in me after seeing him stumbling around on his stumps today.

Yeah they did a good job arguinig their points. Somethings happen in a split second and you can't just explain it away though.

He may be sincere and might have used the lethal means based on fear and the widely known murder rates and violence in SA. We cant forget Lucky Dube and other prominent murders that happned close to that period. It is a fact that he killed her, however the motive for the act should be proved based on factual evidence and not technicalities of the event.

I just hope justice prevails.

tearoses:
Bebe the marks will go over time so pls dont worry
These things are to be expected; change of environment, weather, humidity, food etc
You did what you could, dont beat yourself up over it

P.s Onegig feed baby E o!

Feed Baby E. ? Truly confused. .


Let me scroll down to see any references.

Oh now i see it...the marketer?

When I first saw the thread and all your comments and counter measures and FBI grade kits and test to prevent any eventualities. i wanted to exclaim and ask if you thought you were heading to a War zone.

But after seeing those images, i guess most of those are actually caused by allergies and sudden changes in their water and food content. Even adults do have similar issues when they change environments as it takes time for tbe body to acclamatize.

One thing you might just note next time you are around is to carefully watch the soap and water they use in bathing and let them always drink bottled water from recognized coys. Those little neasures can go a long way in preventing severe reactions.



Edited...

In addition.

Please see below

Brief tadabbur of the Quran,1 juz a day with Ustadh Nouman Ali Khan~

If you're planning to Read & Understand Quran this Ramadan but don't have enough time to go through the entire text and translation then spare some time & listen to the short explanation of some verses from each Juz per day. It will hardly take 5-10mins!

Juz 1:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pt9fUcL8njY

Juz 2:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gWZDVYom3RE

Juz 3:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wFsYnwI6zEA

Juz 4:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h2kwFI7bKi0

Juz 5:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9C6QyjX53cg

Juz 6:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KVh-W6CjIOc

Juz 7:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tXsMMj7m9tQ

Juz 8:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6NFo35g7zo8

Juz 9:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2i80milYJAc

Juz 10:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RlKDxmw466Y

Juz 11:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Btsvfuu2eE4

Juz 12:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K1uQ1l4LQFE

Juz 13:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eThSNtJe7SY

Juz 14:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vvn2WCO_zPg

Juz 15:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3xOK85qRQ_o

Juz 16:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WAwI1MvBViE

Juz 17:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x9nMCACgvqk

Juz 18:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y5YpDilwN04

Juz 19:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_DMb8o32c8

Juz 20:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DzSDr5xiGIE

Juz 21:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0qAhT7MV0Fg

Juz 22:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bFUACCm25ok

Juz 23:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PKFc1o8Yvzk

Juz 24:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6XHHcbcitI

Juz 25:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iLvV_1JT2Ik

Juz 26:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v_zrDh9Ny8g

Juz 27:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kvUU1g4i2bk

Juz 28:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xJRf_4tojx4

Juz 29:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ugx4MZK3EGQ

Juz 30:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9JL09VjJQWE

PS: Please forward and help your fellow Muslims to Understand some portion of Quran this Ramadan, In Sha Allah

You can only do your bit by showing love to the next person near you and showing them through your values and actions what your religion typifies. A little act goes a long way.

The fact is you can't actually do much when it comes to influencing things that happen thousand of miles from you. A lot tribal, political and environmental happenings have mixed with religion and people employ the tools easiest to manipulate "plebs" towards their final goals.

We can only pray the victims of these murders are granted eternal rest and pray the authorities rise up to their constituted duties by doing what is right and punishing anyone involved with the appropriate sanctions and punishments. Also, if you have anyone near you that you seem to have seen their strongheadedness and are prolly going the way of extremism. You can always pull them back, admonish then and remind them that Allah and his Prophet does not condone transgessors..

We should also avoid discussing issues that aggravate whatever enmity between religions. You don't need to debate facts of why something is so and so if both parties are coming with a set rules of only listening to their own preconceived beliefs. These kind of actions only tend to increase hate for one another and not bring people together.


The Prophet (SAW)has succinctly completed it in Suratul Khafirun by saying "you have your own religion and I have mine". So why go all heated up arguing over things that change nothing?

Someone jilted you and instead of you to move on, learn from the lessons and thank your God that you dodged a bullet, you are here advocating cheating.

She wasn't meant for you simple. There are much more beautiful, intelligent religious ladies with good upbringing out there. Also you many need to ask yourself what you seek in women if the one you did an introduction with would behave so badly. Maybe na you leave good girls go dey chase bad girls.

We should ask if you are a prison inmate if all these happens to you. How would a lady deny you of all these?

Maybe you shift ground and find someone better. There are much more intresting and understanding ladies out there, who have their own lives and careers to keep up to and these leeches you follow around.

bellong:
Is your "sick she-dog" named bellong?

Lol...
Time for a name change.

daretodiffer:
You didn't answer my second question.

Me being suprised?

My assumption was that you weren't up to that period were you would be actively seeking.

daretodiffer:
I am not searching. I sent my number to be added to the general group.

Why would you be surprised sef?

Ok. i thought it was the singles group.

enjoy.

daretodiffer:
What?

No o. nothing.
Just suprised you were "searching"?

daretodiffer:
Can you please pm the whatsapp number? Thanks.

Hmm.

Okay o.

bobofellaini:
GOD, have mercy! ...and I have always trusted this PMT more than any other transport coy in Nigeria. RIPP.May God Almighty give the wife and the family fortitude to bear the irrepairable loss.

You would do well to avoid them. They are the worst, maybe tied with AKTC and Imo transport company. Very reckless drivers and general i don't care attitude to the safety of their passengers. Just observe if you are travelling long distance and caught up in traffic and notice the first set of transporters to abandon their lane and cross to one way. I can assure you 9 out of 10 times it would be Peace mass transit drivers.

If you are looking for the safest and most professional then look at ABC transport. Their fees maybe a bit on the high side but I have never heard or seen an accident involved in by their drivers or seen reckless driving amongst their drivers while traveling.

If there is no other available alternative means of transport would gladly take ABC on any road trip.

All these entrepreneurship talk that you guys keep banding around is nothing but buying and selling. Real entrepreneurs add value to a raw material and fills the gaps and needs and bring forth innovative products to the market.

It is not importing sub standard wrist watches and all matter of junk and adding extra money to it to sell to buyers, that's buying and selling. Even an ordinary gate man can do that as long as he has the finance to do so.


Question you should be asking yourselves is what value have you added to the production chain; What improvemement have you added to the process?
For 95% who go around carrying the entrepreneurs cry/tag on their head, they have done nothing but just buy the same products and pass it on. That's definitely not what entrepreneurship is about.

andromida:
Yes. I will tell her to focus on improving her skills rather than the annoying way the message was communicated. Its feedback annoying but there he has it. After the anger of being told the ex had better skills isn't it wise to learn the wonderful skills rather than focus on the poor delivery of the message. I guess being a man makes it hard to take with their ego and all that but it's still feedback.

And what happened to effective communication skills? This is not even communication, it is out of tangent to what communication is because I see no reason where the talk of the ex applies.

Feedback that is worded poorly would never be acted on positively and this is not even feedback like you want us to believe this is more like an aggression cloaked with underhand insult. No one with an iota of self esteem whether male or female would accept this.

She would do well to go meet the ex. If he was so good and all nice, she won't be with him currently.

Mindfulness:
Very well said.

Abi....

There's nothing much more frustrating in a relationship after infidelity and lack of loyalty than being with someone who believes they are always right, makes no mistakes and never takes responsibility for wrong doing.

Fact is no one is perfect and you make mistakes, take wrong turns, say inappropriate things but the ability to agree you erred, apologise and make necessary corrections is what fosters a good relationship. You wouldn't want to be with someone with the opposite of such. Life would be harrowing.

Lol... You seem young and someone he can bobo.

The first red flag is not admitting to wrong doing in any of his previous relationships. It takes two to tango and if he would claim saint during the previous ones and no't take responsibility for his current situation; you are better off without this fellow.

He still has a lot to learn.

asha80:
2.5bn pet km is ok by u?

Olodo. You seem to forget that the Apapa Oshodi road is an 8lane road.

4 Trunk A lanes.

and 4 service lanes with double culverts in between on both sides and in some metres extensive shoulder works needed. Maybe you create your own construction company and give us a lower bid. The government would gladly take it.


And mind you Cele to oshodi is not 2.5 km.

slimfit1:
What did Jonathan do for 8 years ?

Help me ask those nincompoops.

With record high oil sales he wasn't even able to complete Apapa -Oshodi road which is less than 25km. Just did mile 2 to Cele for almost 7 years. Still can remember going to that area as early as 2009 and then JB was just starting work.

Can you imagine 7 years after and it is still uncompleted. Someone dem suppose stone. Mstheew....

Shores of turkey indeed..
To continue to spread hate and poverty abi?

Maybe they should start by spreading whatever good news they have to their congregations in Nigeria and Africa and start ameliorating the suffering of the poor.

We have gigantic problems of corruption, greed and killings going on due to religion and instead of the religious bodies to look inwards and start raising pious followers they are just interested in spreading their brand without any substance. Charity begins at home. Success is not about the number of branches you have but about the number of good deeds and pious followers your congregations have.

Toks2008:
.

Firstly im 41 no 40 and secondly you can send your CV o me and i will give you a job...you are indeed outrightly shallow minded and mentally docile to juxstapose a passion with joblessness.

.

Which email should I send my CV to?

Hope the job comes with an official car and accommodation. I no mind o.

Mtshewww...

Continue to advocate for violence and justify it till you end up one day with a lifeless body on your hands.

I don't need to do a back and forth with you. Wish you luck in your sojourn.

Anyone taking this 40 year old guy with no job serious, needs all the help they can get. He is so twisted, I pity the lady that ends up with him.

As much as verbal abuse is a very bad thing and should be condemned and not be indulged in by any party. Stating that a guy should retaliate while being abused by a lady in like or unlike manner is not only silly but a shitty behaviour. Both physical and verbal abuses are bad and extreme behaviours and should be outrightly condemned by all. Verbal abuse consequences may not be apparent in that instant it was thrown like physical abuse but they leave a damaging long lasting effect on the victim.

Bottom line from experience for any guy is this;

If someone brings out the worst in you...please gently walk away. If she has a razor sharp mouth. Leave such toxic lady alone. Might be hard and you must have invested a lot into the relationship but the relative peace you would feel is more than whatever you can gain from staying behind.

mykl01:
[s][/s]

Nigerians are suspicious that you all want to turn them to turban wearing jan-jaweed/ talibans, hence their rejection of Grazing bill and you will not blame them. The utterances, actions and inaction of those in power has left a lot to be desired, thereby deepening the suspicion.
Next step in the line of action (when hunger opens their guts) is a massive retaliatory attack on the cow herders, the meat and the illicit funds from kidnapping and road block should be an incentive.
Desertification my nyash! Irrigation is practiced all over the core North, why can't they build ranches for these fools, irrigate the ranches and plant the imported Brazilian grasses? Something smells fishy Oga, there is obviously an agenda afoot.

I would be done over if i did expect better from Nairaland. More like finding common sense amongst agberos in Oshodi.

Since your nose is very strong and can smell anything. Care to tell us the agenda please?

scampy:
You are welcome sir. BTW, there is a town in Abeokuta bearing Camp as a name not NYSC OT camp.

Ahh..toor.
.Sorry o. I thought it was NYSC camp. Ok Enjoy.

We are so naive in this country that we cannot look ourselves in the eyes and tell truth and facts. More reasons we can never progress.

There is a simple solution to all these issues, the Grazing Reserve Bill but some people in some quaters in their haste to show their long held hatred are shouting themselves hoarse over such a simple solution and mounting silly obstructions to such noble idea. Ask them for the alternative solution to this and they do not have a single one.

First, the Desert is encroaching from the north at a fast rate than we can imagine and thus pushing most cattle herders further down south in search of pasture to feed their cows. In the process, they graze on people's farm and we are all witness to the dangerous dimension this has taken. We have to understand that most if not 99.9% of these cattle herders are stark illiterates and still live in the 17th century. They resort to violence once they are retributed for their wanton destruction of people's farmlands.
The issue of Cattle herders destroying farmlands is a long known issue for anyone that has stayed in the North prior to this moment and i guess it is just gaining prominence down south because of the mass movement being experienced.

We are in Catch 22 situation. In a single day, at least 1000 or more cows is slaugthered in Lagos alone and all these come from the work of these Cattle herders. They are an important part of the food chain and we all agree we need beef and also need these cattle herders who are in their thousands gainfully employed. Also we need to protect farms from the destructive fangs of these cattle herders. So how do you solve this?

Simple we have a very long belt of Rivers that runs from west to east. Create grazing reserves along that belt and cultivate irrigated round the year pasture and mini ranches like we have in 1st world countries.

First you have created a place where these herders can congregate and secondly you can track them and provide education for their kids all season long instead of the Normadic and haphazard kind of way we did it in the past which is not sustainable and ineffective. With these we can educate them for the future and further desensitize them from their violent ways.

Secondly you can enhance cattle breeding from there by using various scientist who can cross breed and get better clones of cows and produce and may even start exporting diary products and beef by using secondary businesses located along those belts thus creating more jobs and earning foreign exchange for the country.

Third, you can now save the farmers and farmlands by enforcing strict rules of no foraging and movement of cattle down south or anywhere by Cattle herders at least they have no excuse of no pasture again. With these we would be saving lives that are lost due to conflicts between cattle herders and farming communities and also accidents caused on our major highways by cows running through the roads unexpectedly.

But people who are naive and tribalistic won't allow common sense reign but would prefer the status quo. Fact is, except something drastic and holistic is done, more conflicts would arise as the movement down south is caused by nature as seen by acute shortage of rainfall, inadequate pasture and dessertification.

Prolly the only solution these shortsighted people want is a situation where we employ police officers to follow cattle herders around and monitor them as they move from town to town, preventing clashes or them stepping into people's farmlands which as we all know is not only stupid but unattainable. Or is it the resuscitation of local militia groups who are also illiterates that would only escalate the problems we want to resort to?

If anything, i am terribly disappointed that the Minister of Agric is not saying a word and someone who should be the champion of such important cause and enlightening against the bias carried by most people is amply silent and lost for words. There would always be opposition to new ideas and change but the duty of Government is to learn to allay the fears of the populace and use superior facts to counter the baseless assumptions held by some sections of the populace.

Eze2000:
I second that. Onegig is super but d guy no dey get time these days. The thing cos wahala BTW me n him recently. He now works for a company in Victoria Islamd and doesn't show in computer village again.

However OP do not take your laptop to just anyone in d village except u want it spoilt for good, stolen or u get defrauded. There is a nairalander here I can recommend who works as part of an engineering team in computer village.
Whatever problem u got they fix it within hours even if d parts is scarce but needs replacement they'll have it. no go come tomorrow as usually is the case.
They got warranty too

Oga no be my fault jare. My former role gives the flexibility to do side runs but now he get as he be...I no fit come die. Lol. When you run 5am to 9pm weekdays because of Lagos traffic and then run to Ikeja again on the weekends...that's not sustainable so i just had to mellow down a bit. How are you by the way?

@op. Just follow Eze's advice. I would have given you someone's number but he won't take systems with such fault because in the end you might have to change the board if the damage is too extensive and most won't want to pay such high price on a used system.


@scampy.

Thanks for the heads up and mentions. Truly appreciate it, however apologies that i won't be able to take this now. I got my plate full with lots for now. Should be a bit free in June. Enjoy camp and those boring 6 hours lecture.

Dyt:
Onegig

I no sabi for her o. So one can not make a comment again?

Harping on maturity like she can take it to Gtb and cash it even after clarifying that i was generally speaking; she won't relent. How is the little bro doing jare?

itsy:
I would repeat this. Please and please, if you don't have any meaningful contribution to this thread, don't comment. You can open your thread and give all the advice you want to give to people in courtship.

Let me humour you a bit . You seem to need a crash course about how things go online.

If you want to have that fantasy of yours, you would take money from your purse, go pay for hosting and register a domain and create your own personal forum, moderated by you then you can be in business.

Maybe you need to let this ring in your head. This is a PUBLIC forum and you have no whatsoever say in who posts what, when, or wherever. If you don't want comments as regards your personal matters, you would do well to STFU and keep whatever issues you have in the four walls of your bedroom. You would do well not to quote me again. Thank you.