₦airaland Forum

itsy:
It was clearly stated at the beginning that I needed only comments from matured minds. The matured minds have spoken, I have taken their words of wisdom and solved my issue. I cannot remember stating that it wasn't discussed during courtship. I was working till I gave birth to my baby so it had never been an issue. If you don't have anything sensible to say, please don't comment on my thread. Thank you

You seem very itchy in responding.

You would do well to know my comment wasn't directed at you but a response to the quote and the general public(male and female alike note the premier League statement)

As for maturity in posts....I would just smile. Those who hammer those words are the least as you have obviously espoused. No time. Best wishes in your marriage.

Dyt:
She's laughingly pissed
The pizza in and gossip got me laughing

Abi..what else to discuss?

bellong:
Apologies to everybody who have been for or against discussion on the musician's marriage.

I want to believe what is happening between them is not peculiar to them. Thousands of unions both home and abroad are experiencing it. Why then are we paying too much attention to them?

When intending couples do not understand the fundamentals of marriage, why God (doesn't matter you believe in Him or not) established it and unique roles of the individual to make things work as well as the principle of "Help Meet", such marriages are bound to fail as there will be schism, division, clash of interest and power play.

You are ready for marriage when you are ready to think less of yourself but more of the other person. You are ready for marriage when you understand your purpose and the purpose of marriage in itself. You are ready for marriage when you realize that nothing is in black and white, there's always a shade of grey, compromises to be made and at times depending on circumstances, dreams to sacrifice for your family. It is about the end and overall well-being of all.

The bolded. Simple. Ego, selfishness is the bane of most marriages now. What do I get is the recurring questions and not what do i bring to the table or sacrifice?

What do i know sef?

bellong:
I believe no one outside your home cancan tell you what to do.
I don't know what people discuss during courtship. It is not about snapping pre-wedding pictures or going to silverbird galleria. This is one of the issues to effectively iron out.


I pray you get a positive resolution to the benefits of your family.

They discuss celebrity marriages, the new pizza inn that just opened, gossip about friends, Premier leagus matches and whatnot. I don't understand how you would be planning a future with someone and not discuss the basics and preferences that might cause conflicts in that future. More like building a house with no plan. You might just find the toilet built in the middle of kitchen.

And more and more are committing the same mistakes over and over again. You hear things like "I didn't want to offend him prior to the marriage" ; " I thought she would change". Can two come together if they don't agree?

Davindal:
This female I used to know, gave me a call yesterday, begging me for any amount of money that I can offer her, so she could celebrate the Easter. She said she was very broke and sounded pitiable. I obliged and later transferred N10000 through my mobile app to her account - a casual female friend for that matter. Guys do you know what...? She, up till now, hasn't appreciated my kind gesture. Instead, she made some uncomplimentary remarks over the phone - indirectly suggesting that I was stingy and heartless.

Is N10000 sent to a casual friend, not good enough? Why are some Nigerian ladies like this..., always wanting to reap where they didn't not sow?

Guys! How much do you think will be appreciated when given to vast majority of Nigerian Ladies?

You actually need serious knocks. If someone can't afford to celebrate an occasion. Isn't there another time to do so when she is bouyant enough to carry out such? Why oblige her of such?

Why spend money you don't have on things that aren't necessities? As for your last line. You can as well empty your account for her so she can feel good about a 24 hour occasion that would fizzle out the next morning.


I hope you gave her extra money for make up or is it paj cake for her to look like Ojuju Calabar?

WiseBully:
One danger of total communication collapse is inevitable separation. However I would still advise you to resist the temptation of calling him when he is away because he appears to be taking advantage of an emotionally weak doting wife who can't stay a day without him. When you display this emotional resilience, he will feel threatened and that would make him fear that you are up to something. Note, you must keep reviewing the effectiveness of this phase one strategy so you don't weaken your relationship with him even further.

Now, go put it to test and come back with your testimony. All the best!

This truly baffles me.

Do we need all these stress, strategies and games just for an adult to adjust and do what's right? If this were to be a relationship i would have just said "meh, maybe they are forming hard to get or whatever" but in a marriage situation? I tire.

Op. Just ignore him. Can't wrap my head around this. Or maybe you call too much and bore him. Not one to support individualism in marriages but.....Just Send a message or something and have a life your own. Do things yourself. Your every minute shouldnt revolve around him. You seem to be far too vested in his business and don't have a life of yours that he really doesn't "value" those little acts of checking on him. Distance sometimes creates respect.

Progress2468:
Your narrow-mindedness won't make you understand that these are not subsidiaries but independent entities which are expected to act as such

Narrow mindedness?

You should look at a mirror before making such statements. The Senate should go to the Supreme court if they need the interpretation of such act. The act is fairly simple and easy to understand. If you don't get it. Then seek the Supreme 's Court interpretation.

I have given you what the NNPC act says. You should make counter claims with differing acts or facts not straw man's interpretation.

CFCman:
If Buhari goes ahead to unilaterally unbundle the NNPC, what stops concerned individuals from suing the FG? A Federal High Court would easily rule in favor of the plaintiff(s), holding that the president's actions were illegal, null and void.

The president is backed by laws. He hasn't contravend anything.

Read up on the NNPC act of 2004. Clearly states the Corporation or Presidency has the right to create new subsidiaries, merge or modify existing ones unilaterally .

Bunch of illiterates who just sit, idle away and pass stupid bills when they feel like. Maybe they need to read the NNPC act of 2004.


It is within the power of the presidency and NNPC as a corporation to create subsidiaries.


NNPC Act 2004 Pt 1. no. 6.

(1) The Corporation shall have powers to do anything which in its opinion is calculated to facilitate the carrying out of its duties under this Act including, without limiting the generality of the following, the power –
..........................................................................
(d) to establish and maintain subsidiaries for the discharge of such functions as the Corporation may determine.


So what contravene's the law ? The PIB that they need to face squarely. What have they done with it in 6 years?

PresVA:
I agree to no third parties too. . However, almost everyone here has also advised same; she goes to her parent's. .. considering her pregnancy is already complicated, I think it's best she goes there for now or asks them for help from her house. Staying and dying in silence is a no no. Nothing lasts forever, that she's asking for help today is no shame because I know she wouldn't ask tomorrow!

Seeking financial help to cushion the troublles she is going through and talking about his lack of drive is two different things.


You said she should talk to someone he respects so they can have a chat with him and make him work harder. That's what i have a snag with.

PresVa....

As much as i would like to agree to your posts. Calling in 3rd parties is the greatest disservice any marriage can do to itself.

Why would you do that when you have not exhausted all avenues of problem solving?


@op

Talk to him and make this a "we" thing instead of a single person issue. You are his wife and should be able to motivate him to go out there and work harder. I also believe you should lay it bare to him you have nothing on you and is not expecting any favours from whatsoever quaters and you guys as a team need to work more smarter to keep the home running and cater for your needs. Most men would respond to that rather than going gun blazing and tell him to sit up. He might take it wrongly.

As much as we need to work and try arrest the fall in the strength of the naira in the black market by prohibiting round tripping and corrupt practices people need to be aware of how markets work and stop making baseless accusations that the economy is falling. Yes the economy may be slow and uncertain but this is result of what's happening on the global scale. Even countries with better economies and far greater reserves have had their currency trading extremely lower against the US DOLLAR.

Just a little comparison and you would agree the Nigerian economy is not doing badly but just needs a swing from our over reliance on imported goods to relying on local creation of goods and services and not the useless noise some people are generating. A little bit of education isn't too bad. To buttress the point let's take a look at the currency of some oil producing countries, recent happenings due to fall oil prices and make a comparison. Just note that countries like Norway which is tagged the world's safest oil economy fund just 1/5 of their budgets on oil proceeds and has the world's largest reserves at $900 billion still have their currency falling almost 30% to the US dollar since the decline let alone Nigeria whose budget is based on over 80% reliance on oil revenues and most business development are tied to growth in that sector.

Norway
Norway’s already weakened currency, the krone has fallen to its lowest level against neighboring Sweden’s kronor in 20 years. The US dollar hasn’t been so strong against Norway’s krone since 2002 and the krone has lost 30% to the US Dollars.

Fact: Oil constitute 1/5th of the budgetary funds of the Norwegian economy. Norway has the largest cash reserves of over $900 billion. Norway is the worlds 6th largest exporter of oil and the 2 largest exporter of gas. It exports 90% of its oil production.

Effects to their oil industry: Over[b] 30,000 have lost their jobs [/b]in the petroleum sector since the start of the fall of oil prices.

www.investopedia.com/articles/investing/081015/norway-safest-oil-economy.asp

Canada.
The Canadian dollar is on its longest losing streak since at least the 1970s as speculation mounts that the central bank will cut interest rates back to the record low only seen amid the 2009 financial crisis, with almost nothing left to drive the country’s economy. The streak surpassed a nine-day run in April 2005, and in February touched an almost 13-year low to the US Dollar

Effects to their oil industry: Over all, the western province i.e Alberta has lost more than 30,000 natural-resources jobs since 2014.

Fact: Canada established its Heritage Savings Fund in 1976, but it contains only $17 billion


Russia
The Russian ruble fell to its lowest level against the dollar and euro since December 2014 amid drop in oil prices and falling stocks, the Interfax news agency reported. Since the beginning of 2014, the Russian currency has lost half of its value against the U.S. dollar.

Facts:Oil and natural gas sales accounts for 68% of Russia's total budget. The Reserve Fund has around $137.09 billion and the National Welfare Fund has $87.97 billion. Russia loses about $2bn in revenues for every dollar fall in the oil price

www.themoscowtimes.com/mobile/business/article/ruble-hits-13-month-low-on-falling-oil-prices/555457.html

Venezuela
Venezuela has over 200% inflation rate and is the fastest growing inflation rate in the world. The bolivar has lost over 120% of its value in the black market since the beginning of fall in oil price. Venezuela also increased its petroleum price by over 6000% just yesterday.

President Nicolas Maduro of Venezuela finally announced the devaluation of the country’s currency, bolivar by 59 percent, raising petrol prices by[b] 6000 percent – meaning paying about 60 times more.[/b] Before the address, a litre of petrol in the oil rich country went for 1.5 US cents (N3), but would now go for 95 US cents (N190) per litre. This is the country’s first increase in fuel price in 20 years.

https://www.thecable.ng/oil-rich-venezuela-devalues-by-59-to-pay-60-times-more-for-petrol

Saudi Arabia
Saudi Arabia, the world's largest oil exporter and Opec's most influential member. Although Saudi Arabia needs oil prices to be around $85 in the longer term, it has deep pockets with a reserve fund of some $700bn - so can withstand lower prices for some time.


When you look at all these, you would agree if we had planned better and move away from our over reliance, we won't be in such position now. Instead of us to look inward most are just shouting especially Illiterate governors like Fayose about the economy when they should be hitting the ground running and investing in income generating ventures like massive, mechanized and irrigation based agriculture they are inaugurating and building 3billion naira worth of market complexes that don't add any value to the economy of the state.

bigneorapz:
itz Hp 250 sir, intel core, 15inches

Well done guys!

Depends. Some of those Hps have varying specs. Some moght not come with a Bluetooth. Save you self the hassles and get a small usb Bluetooth dongle. You should be fine with that.

BeeBeeOoh:
bro! The salary isn't poor, it's all about "PLANNING & everything will fall in place..


FOOD FOR THOUGHT:


If You Don't Manage Poverty, You Can't Manage Wealth

Misinterpretation of quotes is what brought most to their knees. What did you just write?

So managing poverty or lack is adding more unnecessary responsibility you know you can't comfortably cater for.?


@op This is why most Africans are poor and poverty would continue to be cyclic. We just keep pandering to what the society says even if it would put us in trouble. Putting yourself into debt or in tight situations just to please people.

@Kazna69

There's never a quick fix to a challenge let alone one built over the years. You need to work at it steadily till you get there.

4Play:
[url]
http://sunnewsonline.com/new/customs-generates-n977-09bn-revenue-in-2014/[/url]

977 billion Naira in 2014 and 903 billion Naira in 2015. Revenues have clearly dropped and this fits in with my long-running theme that there is little evidence that revenue collection is improving now we are suppossedly in or moving towards a zero-corruption era.

Olodos.

2015 was a very uncertain year. As early as January most companies had stopped investment projects and some delayed their expansion plans due to the uncertainty of the presidential elections.

You also need to know that year on year growth rate for the country dropped from around 6.5 to around 4.6 based on projections.

41 items were banned from accessing for ex for imports also.

Increased dollar to naira exchange rate deterred most importers from buying more.

Add all these to the drastic fall in oil prices and reduced spending and you would know this is a relatively good performance.

If you want to criticize. Do it with facts, not heresays.

cc: chudionu58

I personally import computer items and know for a fact. My imports dropped by at least 65% due to the increased dollar rate in 2015.

Mamaejime:
Ure a mean man. If u were a mother u wud know we all need to vent. My kids have started teething n fought through a lot from birth and I didn't commit suicide. I know ure a man, unmarried and have no knowledge whatsoever so bye. Go n find a wife n pls don't ever comment on any of my topics. Thanks

Yeah I am mean. If you can't take the hard truth then you would do well not to post online.

I guess I am the one who is mean to smack a 9 month old kid because it won't eat. I am mean to come online and talk trash about going mad because a toddler won't eat and call it venting.

You sound very frustrated and need to seriously calm down for the benefits of those kids. Take time off from whatever is adding extra stress, invite your MIL or find an helper. Mothers are known to spit out calm and soothing words not curse words and swearing.


I am male but I definitely know that force feeding kids is not the way to go when they are not eating. You either try alternative foods them may accept or get to an hospital to find the root cause of the sudden change.


@teeboo.

I don't need to respond to you.

Smacking a 9 month old kid? wtf! You sure you the mother of these kids.

Many are mad few are roaming indeed.

So just an issue like this and you are threatening us with you going mad with?

Maybe you enter the street and start dancing naked.

What would happen if they start having teething problems? Threaten to commit suicide?

tearoses:
The fact that they are in visible contact with each other makes this more dangerous and this may go either way if not managed properly.

Therefore you need to do something

Have a chat with your wife. Explain to her what might happen between her and the ex if emotions are not kept in check and if the opportunity arises for them to be together.
Also explain to her the consequences including signalling the end of the marriage if this happens.

Dont threaten her as threatening her wont work but be firm with her that some things are not acceptable. Let her know that you love her and give her an opportunity to let you know if there is anything wrong in your relationship with her.

Keep your eyes open too but not to the point where it becomes an obsession.

Trust me cc. She would spin it as him being jealous and insecure. Someone that would send such a message has already lost respect for the husband.

Until she does the unthinkable and loses her family before her eyes would be clear. She believes the grass is greener on the other side and lives in a state of idealism. Trying to set her right would only make her resent him.

She alone can nip this in the bud and the guy should start preparing his mind for the worst.

I guess I can place this here.

I have had this cut from an Editorial page of Punch Newspaper April, 2008 and it has constantly served as a reminder to the fact that you don't let people draw you back. Aspire for whatever height you want, if you didn't succeed at the first, second, third or unlimited tries, life continues as success aint about trying once. And if you succeed; then all well and good.

The caption is about people's insinuation about Obama while he was still vying for the Democratic Nomination. Just note the striking difference between the sentiments of people and the actual outcome.

Best wishes in 2016.

Curlieweed:
First, Gitmo isn't technically part of the US. That's the reason the detainees were kept there. It creates the required environment to keep them in legal limbo (or purgatory if you want).

Secondly, none of the Gitmo detainee is a US citizen.

In this case these people are Nigerians held on Nigerian soil but some criminals in power refuse to obey the simple principles of separation of powers and the rule of law. You can't enforce the law by breaking the law. That kind of arbitrary abuse of power is a pure recipe for anarchy .

I'm not in anyway surprised by all this. Anybody could have predicted that the Mumuharri , the Daura President is too daft to understand how an orderly modern society works.

Enjoy your change ! E no concern me.

Your type just go on the Internet and pass on misinformation. First, the Guatanamo Bay facility was opened by a presidential decree and it is part of the US technically. Also ensuing U.S. Supreme Court decisions since 2004 have determined otherwise(I.e it's under US jurisdiction) and that the courts have jurisdiction.For example it ruled in 2006, that detainees were entitled to the minimal protections listed under Common Article 3 of the Geneva Convention.

But please name one single detainee that has been prosecuted?

Secondly, the US still has controversial laws that gives the right to its security agencies to use drones to strike accused terrorists even if they are US citizens without a trial. In 2013 , the US Justice Department confirmed that four US citizens , including cleric Anwar al - Awlaki , had been killed by CIA drone strikes since 2002.

Coming to Nigeria, this does not mean their continued incaceration is good against the litany of judgments but you would do well not to mention anything as regards Human rights and the US in the same sentence as they are the least country one would cite as a shinning light as regards Human rights. You and them would do well to shove your criticism up your a.s.s.

jairusben:
as in ehn,,,i still remembered in my 200l dr batty was shouting it clear you must always protect the dignity of ur patient,,,and she was never his patient.dis guy deserve punishment

Nah...He was busy snoring in class when that was taught.

joywendy:
Awwww.....Really? Wow! Thanks for the compliment, I appreciate a lot.
Happy new year in Advance

So you drop your track and I didn't hear of it ?
Where is the download link?

daretodiffer:
You attacked the issue with a us vs the mentality. Look at Onegig post for example, she took pains to break it down but you just can't be bothered to reason with her.



Answer the question?

Wait o. Onegig is male o..

The M in front of my Id hasn't disappeared I believe.


Aside that... Just learn to ignore some people. Accept ting that they got it wrong is not something they grew up learning.

Going through this thread just showed the kind of deep shit this country is. If this is the kind of youths we breed who are without any moral or ethical convictions then we are doomed.

Imagine 95% of the responses are in support of such vile and crazy act committed by someone who is supposed to know more. I am tempted to assume most here are teenagers who don't know what rights and responsibilities are.

Did she put a gun to his head? Was he forced? Did she rape him? Was he dragged from his house to her place and forced to have anything with her?

His health and well being is his personal responsibility. What stopped him from breaking loose and staying away from her if he believes she's up to something and wouldn't support an HIV test?


You have no right whatsoever to drug someone let alone going on to take blood samples without her consent. It's a criminal offense and there is no justification whatsoever that can upturn that . You are a criminal and nothing in the world can change that.

He had a choice. Walk away and call it a day but no o.. Your foolishness would not let you. Where do such people crawl out from sef? And you call yourself a doctor?

@op. I wish law enforcement people on here would track you and make an example out of you. Next time you would think with your senses before you do anything.

How are we sure you haven't even exposed her to more infections? Someone with your thinking would definitely not be able to carry out a safe test without the risks of contamination.

Nothing wrong in your approach setting a deadline is what I just believe is wrong and would only lead to unnecessary pressures on the kids.

They have their lives to live and the formative years should be very relaxed and any extra curricula activities engaged in should just be for the fun of it and not about setting milestones.

So there is a weed called "Osogbo weed". Where do they make it and what flavor is it?

@shocked.

First things first. No third parties please for now.

You need to both try and solve this as partners, that's if you want to still stay behind in this and he is truly remorseful about things.Escalating it to third parties would only worsen issues especially as most would be bias and only take sides and would be on a fault finding mission on why you didnt wear that "red pant" and such absurdities.

It's a big breach of trust, I understand. I appreciate how you feel with such.

Avoid the comments of those shouting themselves hoarse that you go on and divorce. You have invested lots into this. Time, energy, money, your body and soul and it's not an easy thing to pull the plug just like that.

You aren't to blame for what happened. You aren't guilty of any crime here. First remove that from your mind. He did whatever he did not because you aren't beautiful enough, dutiful enough or homely enough. He did it because he is the one feeling inadequate and what he did was what he wanted. Someone who would cheat would cheat no matter what you do. You have no control over the actions of a grown man.

First cause of action would be to distance yourself from the situation. He needs to go clear up his act. He needs to speak about things without you prodding him to do so and above all he needs to show clearly that he is willing to change and ready to take the steps towards such. I am Deeply sorry about what has happened but trust me there;s no quick fix to this. It would take years for you to even start trusting him. That's if you stay and he truly works on things. Although I doubt there are Nigerian men who have the sincerity to do that.

He made need therapy sef, It's a psychological thing for most. From the look of things, he is full of deceit and this is deep seated. Pastor in the afternoon and wolf in the room corner at night to the point he was doing it behind your back even after marriage. He must have been conditioning his mind for a long time about such double dealings and i doubt such mindset can be wiped clean in a short period.


When I tell people that there is a limit to what you use social media for and we need to be specific and open especially when in relationships. Most say one is being insecure. It takes just a little slip of words, a simple compliment between you and some opposite sex and you are paddling down the path of cheating. I guess 21st century couples have not come to terms with what such means.

Millerz:
bla bla bla bla bla bla bla...... your problem is that you failed to heed to a simple advice. Your muslim scholars preach hatred against Christians in your mosques, even say prayers against chriatians, you teach your children that we are the worst of mankind yet you find flimsy excuses for all that?

how many times have you been woken up from your sleep at 12midnight or at 2 or 3am by church speakers blasting?? but that's what your mosques do everyday. you'd be sleeping and hearing "Allah Akbar" in your dreams.

In case you didn't know Muslims also threatens Christians with hell fire, and last I knew that wasn't an insult.

Don't be hypocritical, accept your wrongs. Muslims always always curse out on Christians in their mosques where's we don't even remember you lots in our churches

Madamu....

Haha .softly dey exaggerate. which mosque calls one to prayer at 12 midnight or 2 or even 3am?

The earliest time any mosque can call one to prayer is maybe 5:20am.

As for cursing, any one that points a finger to his fellow man is actually directing the four others to himself. Although i doubt any imam would make cursing people his agenda.

luxanne:
Lool.

Which one have you posted? atleast, I have posted mine.

You would have to land a man on mars before you get me to upload a pic om here

Just kidding. But wait, I didn't see that pic of you. When was that?

andromida:
Heyyyyyyy

Sup..Ho you dey?

luxanne:
Designs are all beautiful MoNickk.
Guess what? I've told myself that 2016 is my year of gele, am beginning to fall inlove with those, Lool

You know the drill. Pics or ......

Nairaland gangs of intolerant religious folks at it again.

Why can't you guys just for once respect people's personal spaces as long as it doesn't pose a danger to you or your family?

How different are you in ideology from Boko haram or Daesh who's only mentality is " I am the only right one, my version of religion is the only correct one; agree with me or you perish" ?
He came here seeking architectural designs for a polygamy home.He doesn't need your opinion about the pros and cons of polygamy.

He didn't mention a particular religion in his opening post and to the best of my knowledge polygamy is still very much recognized by the constitution of Nigeria and is practiced in all regions.

If you feel you need to air your views about such. You would do well to open a new thread about that.

@mostyg

You would do well to ignore responding the posts that are off topic. You don't need to educate and you owe no one any justification for whatsoever you do. You opened a thread seeking ideas about architecture and if anyone doesn't find it interesting, they can always close the tab and move on.

I may or may not agree with your points of view or your actions but as for this I believe the best bet would be a winged styled apartments. With two wings and a central living room connected.

Also, the winged flats should have all that's needed for each to exist without a need to go to the other end to "borrow" or make use of things.

Wish you the best, just remember the word "just" in your dealings. May He make it easy for you.

All these aged ladies we have here and their usual belief system that everyone's life must be tailored to their own ways and paths.

What's bad in a 21 year old getting married if she has MOST of her priorities right?

How old were your parents when they got married? What did your father own when he got married to your mum?

Grade II teacher's cert, 6 shirts, 2 trousers, a pair of shoe and an umbrella and what else? prospect of a better life together? Isn't it?

So what's the fuse about him not having every every? Aren't all your parents better off now? Did they build that house, buy that car have everything they have now before getting married? Is marriage about how much the guy pulls?

No wonder we have thousands of single ladies loitering the streets unmarried. Start small, grow bigger.


Marriage is about growing old and living life together. Does he have the prospects? Does he have at least something to sustain you both? Are you planning to cut your coat according to your size? Are you going to take precautions and hold off on giving birth until when you can be able to raise them and give them a befitting home?

@op. Most have said what you need to hear.
Get married if you want to. no rushing it. Don't do it because of pressure to have your own house and so on. Do it because that is what you want and that's what is right for you now. Give yourself ample time to get to know your spouse more. Don't give birth immediately. Kids have a way putting extra pressure that's not needed for now. Good luck