₦airaland Forum

I don't think Nigerian women are anymore promiscuous that Nigerian men

Does the man believe that his father is also responsible? I am pretty sure that his wife is under a lot of stress so this has to be dealt with carefully because his parents will never forgive him if they find out that the wife delivered and they were not notified.

Aisha the world needs you. You are not going to commit suicide because you will overcome this. No matter how frustrating it gets just think like you are already in that better situation that you want to be in. You are a strong woman, you help people, you take people's problems like they are your own so what encouragement will you now give to others if you go and do something so foolish. Things will get better. They always do. You do not want to do this. It is not unusual even for people who do your kind of work to go through phases of depression. Just fight your way through it. I will be praying for you. It is well.

My younger sister would have had thirty four and the weirdest part is that the last two were growing side by side not behind the other. She had them pulled out. I have twenty eight because I had all four of my wisdom teeth removed

I don't think there is an answer for that. The truth is that as human beings(especially women) when we want something badly enough we will excuse away all the things that say DO NOT DO IT

She that has an ear, let her hear

OYINKANSOW:
She certainly deserves some compensation and I am not talking about child support  . It may not be anywhere near 1billion though. Lets look at this from the woman's perspective. Women give up sooooooo much to get married and stay married. I am sure the man married her because she was not not as rich as he was at the same time. Now she supported him, emotionally, physically, sexually (to release business tension), spiritually (fasted and prayed endlessly for him) and so on. She fed him well, encouraged him, stood in the gap for him atimes anytime he travelled, tended to his physical needs, took care of his in-laws, shared his fears and troubles, served as his back, dealt with miscellaneous in the house, managed housekeep money, made her lifestyle to fit his, stayed awake for him several times, etc.

Because of this he was able to build on what he had and make more. Men with good wives make it better than men without because a good wife will effectively take care of the home front and the children so that the man can concentrate on his business. She did all the babysitting (if he was abroad he may have done part of it) and all the housekeeping so he could wake up easily, eat good meals (that made him sharp), wear clean clothes,  go to work relaxed and come back to a cosy home. The woman kept the house cosy/cool for him.

Also marriage sort of limits women's destinies. They can't reach their full potential. They have to sacrifice part of it. MEN DON'T SACRIFICE ANYTHING. THEY HAVE IT ALL  . Childbearing and childraising reduces women's productivity/productive life.Tending to the husband's needs (soooo compulsory) also does the same. Most Nigerian women once married turn their back on any personal stuff and live solely for the husband, kids and in-laws. Very few women have managed to combine career and family successfully.

They have to be there at all times for the husband, kids and in-laws whether they like it or not and whether it is convenient or not. Women give more in marriage than men do and gain less. Men gain well-behaved, well-brought-up kids (thanks to the mother)  since in Africa men own the children. Men also gain a fully productive and fully supported life. They do not adapt to the wife, its the wife who adapts to the whole setup and sacrifices a lot.

Also, from the womb, women are made to prepare for marriage  . "you better learn how to cook", "You better respect your junior brother cos he is a man", "You better dress well so that men can call you" etc. They have to be perfect But men do not have any preparation. No pressure. Also women are told not to be too rich or too brilliant or too tall   so that men will not see them as uncontrollable. So women actually lower their productivity in order to get married.

Some people believe women should not use a car or live in their own houses before getting married. So the poor girl has to be trekking about so that men will "seeee" her. A lot of female doctors cannot even use their titles before marriage because it looks too big for them e.g. Dr Miss Yar' Adua looks somehow as men will be scared of her. And they do not get married easily because of their "too high intelligence" .Its not me ooo, I have heard several of my male colleagues say that.

Now tell me after all this, pls if you are a man put yourself in this woman's shoes for a second (pretend that you are a woman, don't worry it won't happen ) won't you do more? Then after suffering with her husband (even if she has her own wealth or potential e.g.CFA, PhD she has to bury it for the sake of her husband's ego) he dumps her for a common housemaid. Imagine the humiliation, side talks, insults this woman would have endured at the hands of this housemaid, her family and the public. The housemaid now shares her husband with her, matrimonial bed, etc. She now has to start her life again. Upon all he is denying her her child despite knowing that the child will do better with her.

If I was her, I would leave him to God. If he escapes retribution on this earth, he will not escape afterwards. God is not partial.

Tell me why this is so hard for people to comprehend. My dear there is nothing you have said that somebody with common sense will not be able to gather. I work very hard myself. I have a lot going on that I know I will be fine on my own with ot without a husband. I wrote my goals a long time ago and I have achieved some and some I am still working on. I know though for a fact that if I had not gotten married and had children I would be further along on those goals. That is okay with me though because my children still are my biggest accomplishment. The whole point is that two people make a decision to create a life together and in many cases you will just give up somethings because you know that that is the only way that the marriage will work or there will be peace in the home.
Before I started working for myself I did not contribute anything to my 401K (not a dime) because it was not matched for the first year. My husband though contributed the max because it was being matched. These are the little sacrifices we make in marriage. If the marriage falls apart I know that the money in his retirement account will be split evenly because this system works. The extra money that would have gone into an unmatched retirement account was bring used somewhere int he home and I was glad to do it because I have no reason to worry that I would be left in the cold.
I am sure if this man was this succesful that he spent a lot of time away from home and his family had to pay the price. The wife obviously had to deal with his infidelity over and over again but she stayed because she wanted to save the marriage. The man on the other hand basically feels like he just has a baby machine in the house that he promised to love and protect forever and he can just walk out of the picture when he feels like because he has an itch he needs to scratch
When you break those vows you should be prepared to pay dearly for it. Since people do not even consider God in anything anymore the law needs to step in and teach them a lesson. She could have married someone else but you came in and made promises that you broke over and over again. It is beyond shameful that people will come in here and call her a gold digger.

Ignorance is bliss

LOL. It's 1:56am est. It's time for you to go tobed

Maybe it's to signify that she is packing out of her father's house LOL or making packing for the honeymoon

FL Gators:
lol. . . . the palm wine must represent sth?

I am telling you. No matter how they make that palmwine against the brown calabash that is what i think about.

[img]http://3.bp..com/_U-e4CH6tgN4/Sg3m9yrQg-I/AAAAAAAAEFE/4MAxVkBTT48/s320/n501314450_4246.jpg[/img]


This one is kind of nice

https://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/41337000/jpg/_41337364_cake.jpg

Here's one that is equally ugly

FL Gators:
Can someone post a full pix of the cake?
From what I'm seeing, its ugly. What does the kolanut represent?

Extremely ugly

It's part of the cake. I think the only thing there that is not cake is the kolanuts. The bowl the kolanut is sitting is also cake

floxyrangy:
Is it just me, but that cake reminds me of a withdrawal method gone wrong(sorry for the strong language),no other words to compare.

I was going to say the same thing. Hmm. I have seen that cake in a couple of Igbo traditional weddings and I always think that

bece:
Accept what? you dont sound like a real man sha.my own opinion

What the hell does that mean?


@ OP. Thank God she is gone. A woman like that can kill you. Just don't let the evil she did to you cause you to not love someone else fully. She will get her reward

Why are you wasting your life with him??

FL Gators:
Yea, it's against our religion.

But pre marital sex isn't

texazzpete:
This is a sterling example of why Nigeria is in such a mess today. Truth be told, the OP is little better than the thief himself. He has twice turned a blind eye to theft and yet you people are coddling him.

If he cannot report this matter to the relevant authorities, then let him stay where he is and stop whining about it on Nairaland. if the management catches the fellow now and he confesses that the OP knew about the crimes, guess who's also gonna get the sack?

This is Nigeria. Who is relevant authority? Puhlese. In the US I would tell him to run and report it to the authorities. Who is the authority here? If he reports it he might get in trouble himself. If it was rape or murder no one will say not to report it but in this case it might not be worth it. My cousin who has businesses in Nigeria told me that she is more than aware that her employees steal from her but she is okay with it as long as they "leave something for her". LOL. This is the reality of Nigeria. If the owner of the business is on top of things he should be able to figure it out himself but most business people do not take time to this. What kind of investigation are they going to do to catch this man in the act because he is not going to come out and say I did it. He is a criminal and has family to feed on top of it. He will flat out deny it. If this guy walks up to the boss and says I caught this man trying to steal I can bet that it will not go as smoothly as you are imagining it will. I would even suggest that he should try finding another job but again this is NIgeria. How much do you want to bet that this guy is not the only one stealing there.

Be careful. If he is as twisted as I think his mind is he might decide to frame you since he thinks it is between you and him. Maybe you can call another trusted colleague and two of you should confront him together. You all have to be careful because all of you might go down for this one day since you have no idea how long he has been doing this.

[quote author=Aloy+Emeka link=topic=457484.msg6155576#msg6155576 date=1275713871]Why judge her instead of her he goat husband who married their house maid.[/quote]What do you expect from the typical Nigerian man. I just chose to ignore his comment because of how ridiculous that statement was. She should get as much from that man as far as I am concerned. The child should be able to grow up the way he would have had both parents stayed together. The woman should also get enough to keep up the lifestyle she built with the fool. That is the only thing that makes sense. This is why women need to be more involved in everything that happens in their marriages. How can your husband who has a tendency to sleep around have properties and you do not know where all the documents are. She should have known that he was going to either add wives one day or simply divorce her.

Fhemmmy:
Lol . . . . I think it is the culture and we all seems to have embraced it, even when we cant afford it

I know people who married with the little they had and then years later they had a more lavish ceremony. You are the one marrying your woman. If you treat her well she will be agreeable. The most important thing is getting the parents on their side. A friends parents came to the US to do a big church wedding after over 25 years of marriage. She and all her siblings are here in the US so they planned the wedding and her parents came here and renewed their vows. It was beautiful. Your life will be much better and more fufilling when you stop thinking about how people will perceive you or what tradition says

Okay I really believe that a class needs to be taught at high school level called budgeting 101. It should be a compulsory class that you must pass or not get into the university. It should then be followed up in the university with some leadership classes. I wonder what these people teach their kids about how you spend money. It seems like they are so clueless as to what money is or what the value is. I am just so dumbfounded.

No amount is too small to marry with. It is all up to you

Obviously he poured some sort of acid on her. Is there not a way to stop the reaction or it just has to burn itself out? I hope she comes out of this okay.

Omo Alata:
Good role model

For who? He is looking for another wife and was eying someone I know. I quickly ran out of the conversation because I no fit wish that one on anybody

faithin9ja:
you think a piece of land signify's achievement? it's good to save, but life can throw up all sorts of permutations and but as long as you have your health, your wits and your faith, then you can always bounce back.

Whilst thousands in the America were thrown on the scrap heap because of the Credit Crunch, some of us had the advantage, yes advantage to have another country to go and using our wits, faith and experience we are able to start again in Nigeria and by God's Grace grow fast, if growing means acquiring more money, then I have grown really fast.

So my girl, poster, no fear Nigeria, instead embrace her,

Where did I say it was. Credit crunch, credit crunch. I know a lot of people that the credit crunch did not affect their lifestyles significantly here in the US and I know people in Nigeria that it totally affected them. Opportunities abound everywhere. You just have to know how to go about it. I know an american md here who has been married three times, pays child support to two wives and alimony to at least one. he is no where near broke. If you do not plan you will run into trouble anywhere in the world. It is that simple. It is not how much money you bring in but how you take care of it.

These animals born with penis (sorry I cannot call them men because I would be insulting my father) are just trash. Gutter water trash. It is so shameful that someone can do something like this. Honestly he should just hide his head in shame. He is a complete and proper disgrace to the human race.

Queeneve please abeg. The man was obviously going to beat the crap out of her at the very least. She might be able to argue self defense

I don't understand Nigerian women that still insist that the man carry everything. Are the children not equally hers. Is the marriage not equally hers. Anyway I know the men contribute to the behavior so I will not even blame her