₦airaland Forum

GenBuhari:
I am telling you the truth. If you do not listen to anything else I have said you should heed this advice:

[size=18pt]Do Not Take any Ebola vaccine your life or fertility is at risk[/size]

Actually the above quoted writer is among the fortunate few that were chosen to battle extra-terrestrial green men who are hell-bent on taking over Africa for use as a breeding facility that will replicate mutants who will be gathered up into giant space-ships and sent to colonize Uranus.

Speaking of Uranus, can anyone tell us the similarity between the Star Ship Enterprise and toilet paper ?

Give up ? Well here is the answer. They both circle Uranus to wipe out the Klingons.

That palatial building looks like just the sort of place that armed robbers love to visit in the holiday season, when all thoughts turn to fund-raising by any means possible.

lillyjane:
I think you are ignorant of what you are saying, are you aware that with exercises, you will be able to get your body back after childbirth and so is breast lift.

If your claim were factual, then all those plastic surgeons in Beverly Hills would be without work. No ma'am, ONLY surgery, and specifically the installation of saline or silicone implants, will approximate, but NOT replicate, what the upper female anatomy looked like before the ravages of childbirth flattened the landscape there. Exercise will tone the thighs of women, and flatten their bellies, BUT, the ONLY means to get that youthful pert look up top is with the surgical installation of implants, and you can take that to the bank.

If you are interested enough to have a look at what happens when women with deflated bhreasts engage in EXTREME physical activity, look at those revolting pictures of female body builders, and note how all those chest exercises give them a scary masculine appearance whereby all the fatty tissue in their chest is replaced with a wall of muscle that is no different from that of a man. Such women can then wear bikini tops that are the size of a postage stamp, since they have burnt away all their natural bhreast fatty tissue with a fanatical weight lifting regime suited for men but NOT for women who wish to remain feminine in appearance.

If you are advertising your services as an exercise consultant for post-childbirth women, then by all means do so, but if you exaggerate the potential outcome of mere exercise for bhreast enhancement, you will be grossly misleading your clientele, which I suppose is perfectly acceptable to do in Nigeria, if that is where you happen to reside.

lillyjane:
Lol but trust me, with proper pecs exercises, you will achieve a firmer bosom.

False. Cosmetic surgery is the ONLY means to reverse the effects of child-birth and gravity on the female body.

Great stuff. Honey is one of the best antibiotic for use on the skin.

bright007:
what is obahiagbon? is it the name of a machine, aircraft engine or bicycle rim?

i dont know this because we dont have such weird names in France

Noted. We are all very impressed that you work behind the counter of a Macdonalds outlet in France, and are therefore inherently superior to all other humans on the planet.

cosmatika:
Muhammadu Buhari On BBC HardTalk With
Stephen Sackur
SS: Good day Mr. Buhari, welcome to BBC
HardTalk.
MB: Thanks Stephen **smiles**
SS: Now you have declared to contest again, can
we know your agenda Sir?
MB: To grab power from PDP
SS: I mean, your manifesto Sir?
MB: I said to grab power from PDP
SS: Ok, how can you improve the economy?
MB: I will fight corruption
SS: What are your plans for healthcare and
education?
MB: I will stop corruption
SS: What's your plan for housing and urban
development?
MB: I will kill corruption
SS: How can you fix insecurity, especially Boko
Haram?
MB: I will murder corruption
SS: How can you build roads and upgrade
infrastructure?
MB: I will finish corruption
SS: What are your plans for youths empowerment
and agriculture?
MB: I will destroy corruption
SS: Excuse me Sir, why is your agenda centred on
corruption alone?
MB: It’s because the corruption under Goodluck
Jonathan is unprecedented and I'm the only
person that can end it.
SS: Really and you didn't end it during Abacha's
regime when Nigeria was the most corrupt country
in the world in 1997, second most corrupt country
in 1996 and third in 1998 according Transparency
International Report? You quietly served under that
most corrupt government and nobody heard your
voice about corruption.
MB: **his face changes** I beg your pardon
Stephen. Did you bring me here to insult me? Was
this what we discussed when you invited me?
SS: Mr. Buhari, this is BBC HardTalk - a no-hold
barrel interview session. Pls, can you kindly answer
my question?
MB: I ain't gonna answer you (he tries to speak
like an American but with Fulani accent)
SS: Why Mr. Buhari?
MB: Because I wasn't the president then
SS: Ok, that reminds me. During your illegitimate
regime (1983-85), you jailed the following persons
between 70-100 years jail terms even when some
of them did nothing: Alex Ekweume, Sam Mbakwe,
Ambrose Ali, Emeka Ojukwu, Lateef Jakande, Jim
Nwobodo and Fela etc.
MB: They were corrupt. That was why I jailed
them.
SS: What about Ibrahim Awwal - your personal
friend and the then governor of Niger state?
MB: He was not corrupt
SS: Excuse me Sir. Ibrahim Awwal was arrested at
Heathrow airport right here in London with £14m.
You simply placed him under house arrest for few
weeks; the same way you placed Shehu Shagari
(the then president) under house arrest, but locked
up Alex Ekweme (the VP) in Kirikiri. Why?
MB: Ain't gonna stay here and listen to this
f**king bullshit (still speaking like an American)
SS: Mr. Buhari, it seems you're a tribal bigot
because it's on record that you never jailed corrupt
politicians from your region even when they were
the most corrupt.
----------------------------------
At this point Buhari couldn't bear it anymore. He
got up and grabbed Stephen Sackur on his shirt
collar. Met Police invaded the studio and got him
arrested.
The Police said, do you think here is Nigeria where
you threaten "dogs and baboon" or where you
lament that the "fight against Boko Haram is war
against the north"? This is the United
Kingdom...you'll be jailed for assault!
Buhari stops speaking like an American and
switches to Hausa language: Don Allah kada ku
kurkuku ni. Kamar mayar da ni zuwa Nijeriya. Wani
ya kamata don Allah sa ni El-Rufai wayar o.
(Please do not jail me. Just send me back to
Nigeria. Someone should please get me El-Rufai
phone o) LMAO!

The above close-to-home satire is a work of literary genius, in that the reader is laughing so hard at the beautifully rendered imagery, that the raw historical antecedents and consistently hypocritical character of former military tyrant Buhari are highlighted, conveyed and comprehended almost at a subconscious level.

The monkey is probably thinking to himself that he has successfully trained the humans to feed him lollipops on demand, and thus concluded that he is superior to them.

Brilliant Thomas. I eat pineapple all the time so I was pleasantly surprised to learn about all these very significant health benefits. Much thanks for this uplifting news.

You right about that. I do get lazy for moths on end sometimes.

An advantage to attending a formal gym is that the best looking women go there and dress skimpy, which is enough to motivate for sure.

desperatem:
Wow! How long have you been weightlifting? And do you have any supplements you can recommend for faster result

Ha ha I ain't no Arnold, if that is what you are wondering. I do stay lean and mean though, and keep my bench press going even when I go through those lazy times we all get as the years go by.

I have never taken any supplements other than vitamin E which gives you greater endurance. Avoid like the plague any steroids or human growth hormone, no matter how quick the results you see other people get from using them. Those chemicals do serious harm in the long run, and many of the really buffed professional wrestlers who used them to get big while in their 20's, ultimately died of various medical conditions by the time they hit their forties.

Just pump that iron, eat well, drink lots of water, and get enough sleep at night, for that is when you reap the weight gains from the day's workout.

This is my ultra-modern Aba-made iron works. Everything here is sourced from the junkyard at relatively low cost. The bench barbells are fashioned from car wheels filled with concrete, and this setup weighs about 200 pounds. The dumbells are made from cylindrical iron chunks, cut in two, drilled and connected with inch-diameter rods. The bigger pair weigh maybe 50 pounds each, and the smaller ones weigh about 30 pounds apiece. I use those for butterfly presses laying on the bench, which define the chest, to augment the bulking effect of the bench press.

The weight stand is made with steel-rod-reinforced concrete, but this same concept can be replicated with metal by a competent welder. Mine is rooted to the floor of the room. You can make lighter versions of these to start, and then upgrade as you gain strength. The light barbell on the floor is made with pairs of car engine flywheels, and I use this for upright rowing and bicep curls.

Having your own weight room is a good idea in the long run, since you can progress at your own pace without being intimidated by the incredible hulks at the gym, AND, more importantly, your home weight room costs nothing once constructed, and lasts for an entire lifetime.

MudRaker:
Tinubu is suffering from a serious hepatic disease related to alcohol and substance abuse.

[size=14pt]He keeps jetting out to get another Kidney [/size].

I remember the blatant lie that was released by his media aides on his first publicized medical journey where they hinged it on a knee surgery.

This man is only alive because he can afford to buy another kidney

Ha ha ha he keeps jetting out to get another kidney.

Well hey, if a serious drinker can afford to regularly replace or overhaul his kidneys and livers, there is no need to give up drinking and snorting cocaine.

egift:
Whereas we accommodate his optimal parsing of phonological coincidences, he should reprieve us the travail of having to crisscross the compendium before making nous of the contemplations he intend to share with us. What transpired yesterday was particularly horrendous and ought to be condemned in the sturdiest stretch possible. Nigeria will overcome its current challenges.

Thank you for this timely and astute observation, Oga Egift. Please find attached herewith my own urgent response to the points raised above.

In order to preserve a measure of unobtrusive mea-culpa before a readership populated by contemporaneous observers already perplexed, confounded, befuddled, bemused, disoriented, discombobulated and indeed exasperated by the gratuitous invocation of linguistic and tautological pyrotechnics in the learned opinions rendered by erudite contributors to this topic of elemental discourse, it is of paramount and indeed existential import, that the wanton reliance on such an obscure and elliptical approach to diction must be discountenanced, in the interest of grammatical simplicity. Nihil incarburendum illegitimi, and of course, caveat emptor.

It is with this fundamental premise of systematized logicality, simmering foremost amid the deepest intra-cranial recesses of our cognitive physiology, that we must studiously examine and dissect in a scholarly and dispassionate manner the overriding holistic premise underlying Hon Patrick Obahiagbon’s most recent submissions before the world press assemblage, both from the standpoint of symbolically over-riding geopolitical imperatives, as well as within the context of ingrained societal expectations reposed upon the Honorable Patrick Obahiagbon himself, setting aside, for the sake of sublime clarity and succinctness, the discountenanced murmurings and hallucinatory ramblings of those who would declare the righteous gentleman a person-non-grata simply by virtue of his substantive documented record replete with illustrative antecedents that have suffused with clockwork regularity the hallowed pages of this forum in particular, for the past decade or more, ad nauseum, ad infinitum.

I am simply flabber-whelmed and over-ghasted to hear these words from Oga Patrick about our head of state, given his exalted position as a man of timber and calipers, whose modus operandi openly defies willy-nilly, all tenets of the locus standii applicable to this dispensation.

Tribal3AST:
He looks like a mutant.

Better to be a mutant in a private jet than a gentleman in rags. Who says drug dealing and embezzlement don't pay ?

To spot the money man in the picture, look at where all the heads are turned to face, just like those "spot the football" competitions.

desperatem:
Thanks for your contributions peepz. At kelnad do you still gym? How long did it take you to archieve the body you desire? @papiwata are you a gym instructor? You are so good at the analysis. Yeah, my gym instructor always say "no pain, no gain" and it keeps us going

Hey Desperado I have never been an instructor in weight lifting, but I have relied on weight lifting to stay in shape for my entire life, and during that time I have had the opportunity to figure out what works for me, and for others who engage in this perfect form of exercise, which in my humble opinion, has no equal.

charix:
They can fart though; an even better option for expelling waste gases.

I must confess that I have never put my nose up to a rats asz to ascertain whether it breaks wind, but I still suggest that you try the above poison in order to become convinced that it is highly effective in killing rats, yet perfectly safe for pets and children to consume with no ill effects.

Dressing up in a monkey suit does not erase the criminal past of this terror gang leader, Weeping General Buhari. There is NO statute of limitations on murder, and this sorry individual is guilty of MASS murder, perpetrated by his illiterate followers in the wake of his every electoral defeat till date.

Weeping General Buhari can dress up as a reverend father, an astronaut, a scuba diver, Santa Klaus, the tooth fairy or a masquerader for all the good it will do him, and he will still lose all elections in which runs for office, after which he will again instigate more violence that will claim yet more innocent lives, before heading to court to rack up yet another in his unbroken series of defeats there as well.

So, in a nutshell, this fancy dress attempt will only deceive the gullible, who thankfully amount to an insignificant minority of the Nigerian electorate.

For a SAFE and CHEAP rat poison, make it yourself with bread ingredients as follows.

Mix EQUAL amounts of flour, sugar and baking soda, and place portions of this mixture out where rats can get it. When they eat it, they will become bloated due to the chemical reaction of the baking soda with their stomach acids.

The digestive system of rats is different from most other mammals in that rats CANNOT burp to expel intestinal gas. This means that they will DIE when they eat the above mixture, whereas a human being, or house pet who eats the same mixture will only need to burp to relieve the gas pressure in their stomach. Also if you keep cats and they happen to eat rats killed with this method, the cats will be totally unaffected, and will not suffer any ill effects at all.

There is NO rat poison on earth that is as safe for domestic use as the above mixture. Try this idea and you will be amazed at the results. You will also have peace of mind knowing that no children or pets who accidentally consume your home made rat poison will be endangered in the slightest.

FFuck y'all. Marijuana is a multi-BILLION dollar industry in the United States and in Europe, specifically Holland, so who the ffuck are you to tell Bob Marley's family that you don't approve of them cashing in by lending the name of the reggae great to some brands of weed ?

Whether you prudes like it or not, Bob Marley's family are set to rake in SERIOUS multi million dollar cash profits from this wise and lucrative venture, and there isn't a damn thing you or any other finger-wagging poke-nosing fools can do to stop it.

The world has turned and left a whole bunch of ignoramuses behind to scratch their empty heads and wonder what the ffuck happened to the old, outdated ways now already consigned to the dustbin of history.

Finally, in case none of y'all do any reading outside of this forum, marijuana has been scientifically proven to have enormous medical benefits for ailments ranging from cancer, to appetite enhancement for chemo-therapy patients, glaucoma relief, pain relief and insomnia, to name but a few. It wouldn't be in the least bit surprising to find out that most of the folks screaming that weed is bad are themselves drunks and cigarette smokers, whose lives will be truncated by decades, on account of their addiction to those two nasty poisons that have ZERO medical benefit.

Again, in case you missed the first suggestion, may I just say one more time with due respect - FFuck y'all.

WarRLaY:
I also want to start this gym stuff, but m scare of having upper bigger body compare to my lower body.

A common mistake made by beginner body is that they neglect their legs and wind up with the upper body of a gorilla, carried about on the legs of a baby antelope, which is actually quite funny and ridiculous to look at.

To avoid that sort of disproportionate development, work your upper body with bench presses on Monday, Wednesday and Friday, and work your legs and back with SQUATS on Tuesday, and Thursday. This ensures that you do NOT work the same muscle group on two consecutive days, which is counter-productive and will slow down your weight gain. This regime will also ensure that your legs and back bulk up in proportion to your arms, shoulders and chest. Look up the correct form for squats on any body building website.

Many body builders shy away from squats because leg development can be slower than upper body gains, and because they are scared to injure their backs while doing squats. Keep your back as vertical as you can position it when doing squats, and the muscles needed to strengthen your spine will develop naturally and quickly, thus minimizing the chances of injury, and, as with ALL weight lifting, START LIGHT, with a weight that you can easily lift for 8 repetitions per each of 3 sets, with a VERY SHORT rest of 30 seconds or less in between each of the 3 sets.

A little known secret about squats is that they give you a full body pump, that actually bulks the entire body up over time. By far the most difficult muscle group to enlarge are your calf muscles, which are minimally increased even with squats. Black men tend to have smaller calf muscles than whites, and it requires ridiculous amounts of work to increase the size of your calves by even small amounts, with the result that most people simply give up and leave them as they are, since they don't look too bad if the thigh (quadrucep) muscles develop in reasonable proportion to the upper body.

desperatem:
Hello all gym enthusiasts and aspiring ones, let's share our first day experience at the gym, subsequent experience and work out hints and tips and also nutritional supplements for quick gym result because i know only work out can do it fast, supplementing it for quick result in body mass, strength and size is ideal.

Let me start with my experience, I am a newbie, I started gym last week Monday and I couldn't go to the gym for 3 days. I slept on my right arm after work out and when i woke in the evening (come see muscle ), my right arm was heavy and my muscle swollen up, if you saw me that day, you'd think I have been weightlifting for the past few years . I later called a friend around past 11 in the night to drive me to the hospital with my car when the pains was unbearable because i couldnt drive or walk properly. Thanks to the doctor who later gave me 2 injections and some drugs. I resumed the gym on friday and I have been going ever since. I am really enjoying the gym now. Share your experiences dear friends. lets keep the ball rolling

Sounds like you got a good pump, bro. Keep it up. "No pain No gain" is the weight lifters mantra.

The soreness you feel means tiny microscopic tears in your muscle will heal overnight to form BIGGER muscles. And so it goes, as you bulk up.

Concentrate on the bench press, and you will astound yourself with the strength and weight gains that you see in mere weeks.

IdiAmin1:
Eastcoast sucks. come down Westcoast and enjoy your stay bro.

I hear ya my brother. Visit the beach in Southern California ONE TIME, and you will wonder how you survived back east for so long.

With a tip of the hat to country singer Kenny Rogers, I'll steal a few of his poetic words from a song he wrote long ago :

Have you ever seen a sunset
When the sky's on fire ?

How'd you end another day, boy ?
You'll be searching too far

Like the desert I rode on
Any memory is lost in the restless wind

I just lie beneath the evening star

Have you aver held a woman
In the California moonlight ?

Bet your money on a good night
If you've never been there

Its a sight for sore eyes
If you wanna know the wonders of the age

Making love beneath the evening star.

That horrid man looks like an evil toad, and he should now be locked away until he dies a lonely death decades from now.

hopewell86:
Thank you so much for your beautiful write up, I challenge you to give me 20 reasons as a Western and a Christian why I should cast my vote for Ebele. This is nothing but a piece of sponsored article. What has GEJ done to Allyson Madueke for the missing $20b? Was Dimeji Bankole truly innocent of the #46b allegation? Who's trying Mrs Odua, former aviation minister? This is the most corrupt administration in the history of Nigeria and yet you are yearning for his reelection.

You are free to refrain from voting entirely, in Nigeria's upcoming presidential elections. That is your right as a die-hard supporter of a serial loser, and of course exercising that right to stay home on election day will have ZERO effect on the overall outcome of a massive landslide victory by incumbent President Jonathan Goodluck, in tandem with the customary humiliating defeat that terror gang leader and Weeping General Buhari will then seek to overturn in the court of law to NO avail, as always.

oluseyiforjesus:
GMB pls go back to Daura n rest,lets better pple rule ds country

The title of Seriki Dodon Dawa awaits the terror gang leader in his village, and FORTUNATELY for him, no election victory is required to qualify for that title.

berem:
yawns!
Jakumo,give me 20 reasons why I should vote for Jonathan and stop telling me about boredom and employment bullshit!

Psychologists opine that a yawn is a silent scream. I can feel your pain, and I do empathize.

berem:
Topics like these are already becoming boring and stale and a joke!
Instead of giving us 20 reasons not to vote for Buhari,give us 20 reasons why we should vote for Jonathan.

This topic is directed to enlightened people with an eye on history, who hold out hope for a BETTER tomorrow, which WILL be actualized in the upcoming presidential elections in Nigeria.


The target audience here is NOT cult followers like your good self, m'am. May I politely suggest that you seek employment of some sort, if boredom is your complaint presently.

tosyne2much:
This is tantamount to RUBBISH .. Heard it's still being conducted in some eastern part of the country


Lest I forget,


[size=15pt] PLS KINDLY VOTE 4 ME TODAY (TOSYNE2MUCH). GOD BLESS YOU AS YOU DO SO[/size]

You have my vote, and thus you have won this election by a majority of one person.

Accordingly, I hereby declare you the President of Your Living Room, and the custodian of all constitutional rights and privileges therein.

9jii:
Op, your lies will never stop nigerians from voting the right man GMB.
You work for the corrupt against the anti-corrupt.

You are very right, good sir. The terror gang leader called Buhari WILL be voted back to his village, as usual.

macdelene:
My dear she is not obese. Stop judging people by their pix especially the dead. If u are a good researcher u will get ans to ur qtns

I am not your "dear" m'am, by any stretch of the imagination, AND, my comment about obesity is NOT out of place regarding this news report.

Fat people often DO die in their sleep from respiratory obstruction, and this departed lady WAS fat, without a doubt. Please accept my sympathy if you happen to be built similarly, and if that is indeed the case, may I suggest that you enroll in a gym to remedy that dangerous medical condition as soon as is humanly possible.

Martins301:
Indonesia must stop subjecting female police recruits to a physical test to try and determine whether they are virgins, a leading human rights group said Tuesday, describing the practice as degrading and discriminatory.

In this day and age one would think
that virginity testing is a thing of the
past in this fast developing world. Some cultures are for it while others
are against it stating it violates human rights.

What do you think about virginity
testing?

http://talk.news24.com.ng/forums/topic/does-virginity-testing-violate-human-rights/

Only sick depraved perverts would advocate "virginity testing" under ANY pretext, so yes, such an invasion of privacy DOES constitute a criminal outrage, and a flagrant violation of constitutional rights in any nation that claims to be, or aspires to be, free and democratic.