₦airaland Forum

cramjones:
If president Jonathan had acted within 48hours when Chibok was invaded, this girl would have been with her parents having a chance of an education. Unfortunately, due to his carelessness, incompetence, insensitivity, insincerity, ineptitude, weakness, wickedness and greed, he only accepted that girls were kidnapped 18 days after the incident. Now this girl has been brainwashed to detonate herself and kill others.

This is the 13 year old that tried to blow up Kano yet again! By the way, is the President and his Boko boys trying to instill fear in the largest voting population in the North, to prevent them from voting our general?

-CramJones

You sir, have evidently taken leave of your senses, as illustrated by your utterly ridiculous insinuation that Nigeria's duly ELECTED president could ever contemplate engaging in the promotion of terrorism, especially since Nigeria's perennial election LOSER, the Weeping General Buhari, is, and has been all along, the PRIMARY financier and organizer of the Boko Haram terror gang, which commenced its campaign of terrorist carnage shortly after the election that elevated Jonathan Goodluck to the position of Commander in Chief, while consigning Boko Geezer Buhari to history's septic tank of sore election losers who instigate random genocidal attacks against the electorate, in response to each humiliation at the polls.

In conclusion, may I respectfully suggest that you go ffuck yourself, and prepare your little mind for yet another in Buhari's uninterrupted CASCADE of electoral drubbings that have manifested over the past decade.

amunkita:
When I saw this thread d day u opened it I jst laughed cous I ve killed nofin less than 15 scorpions since I moved into my apartment.

When I noticed d scorpion fin immediately I packed in I was jst as scared as u were buh I blived dat bible portion that I will trample on them buh nofin will happen (as nwa Jesus wey I be)

Was compelled to write this cous I jst killed two last nite nd d 1 I killed on monday is still hanging on d wall as a reminder 2 b careful.

Jst ve faith nd d scorpions will all bcome ur fwend..

See how as dem dey waste correct house meat, and kill am throway like say dem no know say na betta chop dem dey waste so.

Looks to me like she is trying to fend off an attack by a rampaging weasel or some other dangerous animal.

Gideon360t:
Though i av a small penis, initially my penis does not penetrat inside the vigina with all the strugle for abt 10 to 20 times of trial.
But on one faithful day during her ovulating period, the thing enter and penetrate but blood did not come out. Since then it has been entring. But i don't think i have disvirgin her because the hymen is still there. We have been trying to get her disvirgin or remove the hymen after our wedding but yet the hymen is still there.
Please how best would i get her disvirgin or remove the hymen.
I need ur doctors and expert in the house. Tks in advance

Send your wife to the nearest miracle pastor, and I guarantee you that she will come back pregnant with SOMEBODY's child.

That bouncing baby might be yours, but could equally belong to Jeeeeesus, if you know what I mean.

headtoto:
Oba Sijuwade and his bosom friend, the Emir of Kano, Alhaji Ado Bayero, were suspended from office for six months for allegedly travelling to Israel (which had severed diplomatic relations with Nigeria at the time) by the Buhari/Idiagbon regime in 1984.

The two paramount rulers were also restricted to their respective domains for the same length of time by the then military administration.

This got the OOni furious and the Emir and vowed never to see Buhari become any President again. Please tell him o.

The Ooni of Ife engages ONLY Harvard-trained Babalawo Witch Doctors, when the mood takes him to place curses on deserving bad people.

The memory of injustices past is as long as life itself, so if terror gang leader Buhari thinks HIS past is forgotten, he will soon enough learn the truth.

Flets:
[size=18pt]Buhari should call his bokoharam boys to order now, he doesnt need to be in aso rock to call them to order[/size].

Ha ha ha ok let me be sure I understand the thrust of this argument. Are you saying that Boko Geezer Buhari should not feel COMPELLED to try and rig his way in as Feresident and Ruler of Nongeriya, since the best way to IMMEDIATELY stop his terror gang operating would be a simple phone call placed from his wooden throne in the Seriki's Palace of his remote village near the Chad/Nigeria border ?

If that is your point, I agree and rabidly support your one-step-at-a-time approach. Nigeria's insurgent leader and terror sponsor, Weeping General Buhari, should FIRST declare a cease-fire in his war of terror against Nigeria's population and government, so that he can then be turned over for trial at the International Criminal Court in the Hague, where he may qualify for a well-deserved life stay in jail, thereby saving Buhari all the fundamentalist-donated blood money that he would otherwise have squandered to finance yet more in his litany of still-born electoral bids, over the coming years.

Krak:
Mr Mamywater husband, this is not Thailand, this is Nigeria.

How many scorpions have you eaten?

Do I need to say that this is a serious situation for me and my safety and I need serious, helpful and practical contributions on my predicament.

Thanks for your cooperation.

I need a dozen fresh scorpions for scientific research as a matter of urgency, but they must be fresh in order for the supplier to be paid in time.

Krak:
I have killed several scorpions inside my room. Some were small and some were very big.

Scorpions are very prevalent in the area where I stay and my landlady also sells firewood which aids in the presence of these scorpions.

The compound where I stay is neat and my room is also very neat and clean, but the rate at which these things enter my room is very alarming.

Just yesterday night I killed a massive and fearsome looking scorpion on my carpet. Now I am very afraid of even staying in that room and I cant just leave because I still have 9 months on my house rent.

Please I need help about what I can use in my room that will either repel them from my room or kill them automatically whenever they enter my room.

This is a very serious appeal because I know there are many people out there with this same problem.

In some localities of Thailand, scorpions are cooked with spice and onions for serving as a delicacy to discerning diners. Rather than complain about the ready availability of scorpions in your house, you should snack on a few of those scaly beasties, and share your observations about taste and texture in the culture section of this forum.

Thank you for your cooperation.

rozayx5:
your smarter than Buhari himself
the old general disappointed most of his followers on channels TV when he said he will stabilize the oil market and control the economy with the Army SMH

Please calm down and don't be afraid. The worst part about being assaulted in the street by troops is wondering if you will be shot at the end of the exercise, BUT, Boko-Geezer Buhari has ASSURED the nation that killings will only be approved to subdue stubborn individuals, which I am sure you are not.

Terror gang supervisor Boko-Geezer Buhari merely wished to point out that armed troops will be on hand to flog the crap out of civilians for no reason at all other than to instill displeeeeeen, which is a quality in which you are clearly deficient, meaning that you might be a good candidate for a vigorous flagellation by drunk soldiers.


Just don't forget to politely and respectfully thank the army private that is assigned to train you with those regular beatings, to affirm your role as a disposable slave under the new Buhari-led Sharia government that Buhari and his cult followers hope will be rigged into existence in 2015.

Kelvin4224:
everyone knows it was killed by electricity.. the question is how it got there.

On your behalf, I contacted the local government chairman of the area where the above serpent was photographed, and he has given assurance that a Panel of Inquiry will be constituted for the purpose of deliberating over the ramifications of this mysterious incident, in order to generate and publish a White Paper, whose recommendations will be implemented in consonance with existing objectives and standards enshrined in the constitution guiding relevant local government directives, under the auspices of an Overseeing Committee, all of which will be funded generously from the budget of the current fiscal year.

Please do not hesitate to contact me if you have any further questions that require clarification.

Boko Geezer Buhari ought to blow himself up just like the terrorists he sponsors are trained to do in northern Nigeria. This is the ONLY way Buhari can "win" in any positive sense, and he must therefore hasten to accomplish this laudable objective for himself, and for everyone resident in the desert village where he will ultimately serve as Grand Seriki, after his most recent fifteen-minute span of fleeting fame has expired.


For a man of Weeping General Buhari's exalted status, the allocation of willing virgins, when he is "voted" into Paradise, would be at least several hundred, rather than just the usual paltry 72 virgins handed to lesser mortals who ordered far fewer killings than Buhari over his career of blood-lust and terror.

The emergence of serial election loser and terror gang financier Weeping General Buhari, as contender in yet another Nigerian presidential election, ENSURES that a landslide VICTORY and second term of office await incumbent President Jonathan Goodluck when the 2015 national polls are concluded.

Ever more desperate as his sponsored slave-raiding mercenaries ravage northern Nigeria to NO avail on the national chessboard, Weeping General Buhari has once again reprized his time-honored role as court jester, tasked with lightening the mood of the electorate by presenting himself- a geriatric former military tyrant and treasury looter whose ONLY declared intention is to "fight corruption", as a "ruler in waiting".

May I be among the first to congratulate President Jonathan Goodluck on the resounding electoral victory that will usher him once again into office for his second tour of duty as Nigeria's Top Dog, come 2015. In the same vein I must also preemptively thank assured election loser Weeping General Buhari for RESISTING the temptation to seek an overturn of the people's electoral mandate in the court of law, as he attempted to do in vain many times before, repeatedly proving such a pointless venture only ever amounts to yet another futile waste of effort.

To the Nigerian electorate who will shortly hand Weeping General Boko-Geezer Buhari a crushing and profoundly humiliating defeat at the 2015 polls, may I also express my heartfelt gratitude for your ability to distinguish between senile terrorist sponsors and proven leaders, as well as for your demonstrated ability to vote accordingly.

Jonathan Goodluck until 2109. Thank you for listening. Over and out.

100Cents:
Because i am with it here.

And I am an engineer..

If you are an ELECTRICITY Engineer like Musiwa, then you should know that the snake was killed by electricity.

qtx:
No sound brain will ever carry out a process decently without being able to offer explanation of the process, Nigerians are no fools. They say ideas rule the world, GMB is short of ideas and since he is not a deaf and dumb we expect explanations as someone who will be our numb one is this how he will go and rule us like a deaf and dumb? To me it is a no because i feel his responses to most questions portray him as being empty. We cannot move from fry pan to fire o. Bc its not just about grabbing power by force but the need for a credible alternative. So am forced to ask myself is this the credible alternative to GEJ?

Being unable to speak simple English that others can understand is NOT a requirement for anyone aspiring to become a local government sanitary inspector, so Buhari should consider running at that level of government, in his sandy desert village, where his speech impediment will be less likely to amuse observers.

Splashme:
[size=13pt]Does this Buhari smoke?
I watched the video - his dark lips, dark gum, teeth, dark inner mouth[/size]

That scarecrow-looking ex-tyrant most likely smokes weed, which really is not advisable for anyone already afflicted with compounding mental debilitation and delusions of grandeur like Buhari the terror gang sponsor who AGAIN hopes to FORCE himself on Nigeria as its born-to-rule Ffffresident, forgetting that his manifest destiny is carved in stone to be FAILURE on all fronts and in all aspirations.

The interviewer did a good job of trying to make the expired dictator and insurgent sponsor stray from his memorized script of canned responses, and those lapses into droning platitudes again showcased beautifully what a buffoon and hopeless dreamer Buhari has been all along, even as the toll of lives claimed by his slave-raiding hordes continues to rise.

9jii:
Defending failure can't stop Nigerians from seeing the truth.Stop wasting your time here.
CLUELESS ness is not for nigerians

Nigeria's president is doing just fine, and will win another term in office. Prepare for more bitterness in your immediate future.

blink182:
I am not darlington besides this number is on various FB posts.

Apologies for my not reading carefully.

Blink182 I feel your pain, but I question the wisdom of giving out your personal phone number in an open internet forum, though I do understand the desperation motivating this public appeal.

Just be on guard for callers who may try to pose as kidnappers, and who will seek to make you part with money. Report any such calls to the police.

BigB11:
6 years is more than enough of this mediocre group of people.

Buhari will be our next president Insha Allah....in Jesus name.

Nah Ffuck that. Buhari the terror gang leader is cursed to lose ALL endeavors to which he applies his stunted mind and stolen money.


Johathan will remain Nigeria's president until 2015, and anyone getting bent out of shape over that should seriously consider suicide as an option before that 17th electoral defeat of Buhari is recorded for posterity.

Goodnuel:
I no understand this one oooo.. Help me explain abeg

Thank you my brother. That proverb come from Izon people for Delta, and wettin dem mean be say if hunter mistake go try and follow buffalo when den don take gun wound am inside bush, the animal fiti hide hinself, and kill the hunter, SO, if hunter dem dey hear how as the buffalo still dey run go after gun don wound am, na him be say the buffalo no plan to hide and kill the hunter. That is why dem talk am say buffalo when no wait for fight, na to save himself, and to NO kill any hunter that day.

Looks like they are making a documentary about life in Lagos. Hope they have a good security detail for that adventure.

Dreambeat:
[size=18pt]Dem no dey tell blind man say war don start[/size]

Chai ! Yes ! Diariz God ha ha ha. Na Dreambeat bring this one o, and na this one make me laugh pass ALL others today, lie no good.

buskie13:
[size=14pt]

anywhere belle face na front...

.
yansh nor get teeth but e dey cut shitt
.
.

every mallam with em own kettle. Every mallam hin own RADIO.
.
.

old mama wey em bress don fall nor dey fear to expose am
.

.
na condition na e make crayfish bend
.
.[/size]

This few when I copy so don reach for me to carry put for head begin face home dey go. Philosopher full Nairaland, and nobody know before.

kokoA:
[size=14pt]
Na person wey don chop beleful dey ask for big meat[/size]

True talk o. This one dey serious.

Wow that is a nice little observation helicopter. I wonder if it will go on sale now that it is government property.

deasy:
VITAL IMPORTANCE & Carnal utility of women's accessories...so she uses this accessories to satisfy the way she feels. Huh?
She could get addicted to these accessories you suggest...will this not affect her lifestyle or sex life after?

There is no such thing as an "addiction", in reference to exploring carnal knowledge with the help of available safe technology. You can talk of addictions to drugs, gambling, drinking or talking chit on the internet, but certainly that term does NOT apply to the innocent pursuit of natural euphoria, which offers practitioners an array of medical and psychological benefits, with ZERO side-effects.

Nobody is peering through the keyhole into your room to critique your technique whenever you violently choke your frightened lizard into submission, so PLEASE reciprocate that same respect for the privacy of women who choose to satisfy errotic pleasure requirements whenever they get the urge, and without the need to engage the services of a man who may turn out to be possessive, unimaginative, lazy, boring or inconsiderate, to name but a few characteristics common to many hard-heads of the male gender who all too often imagine themselves as God's Gift to Women.

Alphaoscar:
If we pound yam inside Bill Gate's jet and cook delicious soup on top Bill Clinton's head, a clueless President will still remain clueless!!!
Mama piss say so.

Oga tender you resignation NOW.


Common Broken language, you no sabi.

After now, you go open mouth begin dey blow lie say you be Africa man, but as we see say you be fake, we don kukuma BAN you commot for this topic.

kokoA:
Na as goat take stand for market na ehm dem dey price am.

Chai. That one dey deep o. Mean say if the goat no sabi stand witi correct yanga, dem nogo price am well for market. Wonderment.

deasy:
This isn't a cure either...

Being of the MALE gender, BigEasy, you cannot be expected to understand the VITAL importance and carnal utility of WOMEN's accessories, unless you have earned a PHD in the subject like me.

Na only person when get patience well-well, go fiti cook stone sotay e go done reach to chop.

Where there is a will, you go meet relative plenty.

Out of all lizard when lie-down ontop roof for sun, na only the one when belle dey worry am, go fiti know hinself.

The run when buffalo run after wey hunter shoot am wound, na to save him own life TOGETHER with hunter life, make am dey run.

No how wey hungry fiti wire bush rat, wey he go forget himself put leg near the place when only one ripe banga dey for ground, because na trap be dat.

Na the ting when bush rat take eye see for night, come make am by-force dey wakka SOFTLY for afternoon.


Man pikin when take eye see die, begin dey run like antelope, nogo remember the leg when dey pain am before.


No how wey tortoise wakka go far, na for inside hin house he go sleep that night.


Monkey no fine, but him mama love am.


Over-sabi person when carry him dog go sell, come take the money buy baboon for market, go regret hinself and cry say "had I known", when time reach.

makeitsoon:
on behalf of the south africans that he killed

The rationale is probably that Pastor Jaguda assisted those cult followers along in their existential life's journey to "Be With Jesus", by housing them in a rickety 6-story slum building tottering precariously on a foundation meant for two floors, which then imploded under full occupancy, killing over 100 souls.

Thugs evidently hired by Pastor Jaguda, to guard the rubble on the day of his slum building's collapse, PREVENTED Lagos State emergency response vehicles and personnel from entering the premises where the wreckage was located, thus condemning to agonizing deaths unknown numbers of injured but trapped victims of Pastor Jaguda's greed - Greed that made it so easy for his cost-cutting contractors to ignore MANDATORY government-stipulated building safety codes, and in so doing, seal the fate of so many.

On an optimistic note it is encouraging to hear that the families of South African citizens, who were listed among the dead cult followers of Pastor Jaguda, are heading to court to launch a massive class-action lawsuit against Pastor Jaguda and his cult-worship "church", to penalize in $USD monetary terms his DIRECT responsibility for the AVOIDABLE deaths of their loved ones, caused by the Doom Prophet's reckless endangerment of occupants housed in an ILLEGALLY built structure erected with sub-standard methodology and materials.

Jesusloveyou:
u are of d devil,get behind me saTANiod.

I appreciate your having quoted my post to promote its being seen by a wider audience. Have yourself a peaceful Sunday and hey, Jesus loves you ha ha.