₦airaland Forum

I have realised from this thread that people carry a lot of bitterness in them.They walk searching for somebody to offload it to.
This is how it goes.Normal way.

Stranger; Excuse me Maam.
Me; Yes (At this time I have run a quick scan and determined if I need to stop to answer or keep walking as I talk.Its not safe to be so close.What if the man/woman sprays your face?)
Stranger; Would you happen to know the direction to this or that place?
Me; Yeah take this route and go that way or well am not too sure,perhaps you could ask the guy sitted over there,I am also new here.
Stranger; Thanks.
Me;Okay but keep asking people with biz around here cz they know the area better.
Stranger; Thank you.

That takes only 3 min and leaves you with a feeling of satisfaction.

luckgames: Obama background was not from his parents but grandparents
In America people do drug and grow up to lead Fortune 500 companies
Obama is not a good example

Its all mixed up.Richard Branson grew up in a fine home.He still failed but he managed to rise up!
That is what. Background doesn't determine destiny.!

I cant add more

[quote author=Killz.][color=#000010]Story story. Just 10, out of over 7 billion people in the world? Is it worth the risk? Park well madam. . . [/color][/quote]Yes.One person's success can help encourage a million others.That is what learning and life expe are all about.
The world dint require 7 billion Jesus' to die for their sins.One was enough
That is the power of positive influence and I choose to emulate successes not failures.

By the way its not an argument at all.Its a matter of what you believe in.That is your life.
If you allow your background to determine your destiny,that is your life.Stay in your misery and mourn,in the meantime others are changing lives,getting married and becoming rich.

choices.

bemtos: I don't believe dis. Do U think bad will produce good? Neva. A good gal can neva come out of bad home. And if it's possible, I can neva marry such.

no guy you dont have to really.Just find a good girl from a good home.

10.John D. Rockefeller> one of six children. His father was a traveling salesman and was a foe of conventional morality. Throughout much of his life, Rockefeller’s father tried to find tricks and schemes he could use in order to avoid hard work, or any work at all. John’s mom struggled a lot in order to keep stability in the home,

9.Liz Murray> From homeless to harvard.Murray’s life started off on a bad note. She was born to HIV-infected, drug-addicted, poor parents that were not able to provide for her. At nine years old, Murray found herself and her family living in an extremely dirty apartment. At the young age of 16, Murray was left alone once her mother died of AIDS. Her father also abandoned her, moving to a homeless shelter. She went to high school, but often found herself sleeping in subways, park benches, or at a friend’s home. Without a great education, Murray was able to graduate in only two years and was able to attend Harvard. Today, Liz is an inspirational speaker who speaks out about determination and how no matter how hard life is, you have to move on and continue to work your way through the battles

8.Richard Branson>was born to a decent family in Blackheath, London. He had two parents and a grandfather that was the Judge of the High Court of Justice. He received a good education, but he didn’t do well in school. Instead of focusing on school, Branson decided to put a lot of his time into growing Christmas trees and raising budgerigars. However, both of these projects failed.

7.Chris Gardner>Chris grew up without knowing his real father. His mother married a man who completely ruined his and his mother’s life. He was chased out of his home and had nowhere to go, so he enlisted in the Navy. He soon became a medical supplies salesman, got married, and had a child. However, the medical supplies industry was changing, and Chris needed to find a new source of income. He was able to find interest in stock broking, after seeing a stock broker with a Ferrari. At this time, Chris had no money and his wife was gone. His son proved to be his motivation, even though the two slept in subway station bathrooms. Chris was able to pass a licensing exam and received a job at Bear Sterns

6.H. Wayne Huizenga>In his early teens, Wayne and his family moved to Florida, but he soon realized that his father was not the male figure he should look up to. He abused his wife, but the move to Florida was made in hopes to keep the marriage from divorce. However, Wayne’s dad did not change, and he continuously abused his family. Wayne went to high school and afterward moved back to Chicago to go to college, but he soon dropped out. He then signed up to be part of the Army reserves and trained. After training he went back to Florida, bought a truck, and began taking garbage out of his county. Eventually, the one garbage truck he had purchased grew into a highly successful business.

5.Jim Carrey>His father worked as an accountant, but as Jim got older, his family’s situation deteriorated. His family had to move to Scarborough and they all worked at the Titan Wheels Factory. Jim had to work eight hours a day and attend school. Still, it was very hard to keep the family stable. After moving out of the factory to new jobs, the family found themselves living in a camper van. Eventually, Jim had the courage to stand up and decide to act on his dream of being a comedian.

4.Andrew Carnegie>he was once a poor boy from Scotland. His father was a hand loom weaver, but once the industrialization of society reached Scotland, his father’s work was no longer needed. For years, his family had tough times to make ends meet, so they decided to start anew and move to America. At thirteen, Andrew and his family moved to America and he got a job at a cotton mill. He was working twelve hour days, six days a week. Eventually Andrew got a job as a telegraph messenger. Because of his great work ethic, someone from the Pennsylvania Railroad Company offered him a job, which allowed him to earn more money and make his way up the corporate ladder. He soon started investing in railroad companies, and then hit the jackpot by investing in the steel industry. His investments would allow him to have his own steel company, which was able to bring 120 billion to his wallet.

3.Oprah Winfrey>Oprah was born to unwed teenage patents in Mississippi. Once she was born, the two teenagers ended their relationship. Oprah was raised by her grandmother who was poor and wasn’t able to give her much, but she did teach Oprah how to read before age three. When Oprah turned six she relocated to the city of Milwaukee to live with her mother. During this time she still didn’t have much, but she was doing great academically. Oprah became rebellious and ran away from home, so her mother sent her to live with her father in Tennessee. She continued to be a great student and was able to impress many.

2.Obama>Of his early childhood, Obama writes: "That my father looked nothing like the people around me—that he was black as pitch, my mother white as milk—barely registered in my mind."[9] The book describes his struggles as a young adult to reconcile social perceptions of his multiracial heritage.[34] He wrote that he used alcohol, marijuana, and cocaine during his teenage years to "push questions of who I was out of my mind".[35] Obama has said that it was a seriously misguided mistake. At the Saddleback Civil Presidential Forum Barack Obama identified his high-school drug use as his greatest moral failure.[36] Obama has stated he has not used any illegal drugs since he was a teenager

This I have posted to encourage those from struggling or broken homes.Don't ever allow ANYBODY to make you feel inferior.
Your parents may be pathetic but are you pathetic?? they could be immoral but are you? has it rubbed on youFocus on that and rise above.Its your life you are building,that which people are focusing on is your parents life, so don't let it stop you from achieving your goal. When you succeed you will see the very people who despised your background come begging to be your lovers.
If anybody rejects you because of your background? please allow them to.Don't fight for acceptance.Never
I d rather marry a sober man from a poor struggling background than a silly man from a stable home

Johnsinia: its u dat hate truth,its like agreein 2 drink poison in d absence of liguid all bc u r tasty.
Family background is d foundatn of a hapi marriage [/b]n dat needs 2 b protectd[b].u r nt just marryn 4 marryn sake bt 2 continue d gud name ur mama n papa n ancesstors live behind,dats y r u called "d son of ur father".

You know what? I think you still got a few things to learn so I will let you stick to that.Its good and ok.We grow gradually and accept truth gradually.
I would like to throw back the question at you.
''Is family background the foundation of a happy marriage??'
''Do we marry so as to carry the good name of our forefathers?' What if my forefather was a thief? I shouldnt marry? or is my marriage be doomed?

Rem,there's a diff between 'what should be the case and what is the case. Hope and Reality.
Rem too that while in 'daddy's and mummy's house you are cushioned.But when you leave that cushion and enter adulthood all the family values instilled in you get shaken/tested to the core and only the strong willed and determined make it.That is why you hear people say stuff like marriage is work.
Now if your parents did the best to give you the best in life plus a good upbringing,and then you step out as an adult and start behaving like a lunatic because you met the wrong gang and want to 'belong' so as to be accepted,will you blame your background?
Suppose you proceed to marry while still a lunatic,will your marriage last? If it's not a happy mariage will you blame your background?

Point am trying to emphasise here is 'focus on the personality and individual not so much where they come from.People rise up above their backgrounds.

991: I have noticed this incorrect social behaviour of young women towards men. When you stop a girl to ask her maybe the name of a street or the house No. you are looking for, she would first look at you from head to toe then walk away snobbishly, and some of them wouldn’t even give you attention. Just yesterday I was lost in a strange location and I tried asking passers-by to give me direction to my destination, I got the worst snub of my life-time just for asking for help.
The first person I saw was a girl in her late 20s I said ‘hello excuse me’ she just glanced at me and walked away, so embarrassing and I wonder why they have this rude behaviour towards men?

Next time ask a man. This world is full of all manner of people with different attitudes.Don't expect kind treatment all the time.
I have never snobbed anybody asking for direction,if anything I get tired of being stopped by people and I do it with so much zeal you would think am getting paid.The only thing I do is avoid shaking hands with strangers,taking a long time giving directions or allow them to come very close.
Depending on your general appearance, I will decide if I need to stop to address you or keep on walking and pretend to be in a hurry.If it's just you and I on a deserted place? I walk but I will sure give you the directions. And this is not limited to men alone.I do the same with strange women.
Its all safety measures.

My policy is I will help a stranger today cz tomorrow it could be me asking the same person for directions.

luckgames: Family background is a big factor
Family background = Family values

Ahaa.run a quick scan through some families you know. My question now.
Are you telling us that every young man/woman brought up in a great home ends up becoming a responsible adult??
My answer? Yes We expect that to be the case,BUT it doesn't always happen like that.So what does that tell you?
Never downplay the external influence/environment cz they may throw ur great girl/boy off balance and turn them into something shocking.

I have seen kids brought up in God knows what families rise up to become very responsible adults. I guess the rough environment makes them view life differently??
Now don't misunderstand me.I treasure family values, but when I see kids raised up in stable and good homes end up dead due to drugs and crime I know that at times it takes more than a background to keep one sober.

Please Background is not Behaviour.I repeat,it may build/break/shape us only.
Haven't you seen a home where one brother ends up being a black sheep yet they were raised under the same roof?

lagerwhenindoubt: @OP - never pay heed to men with infantile insecurities - have "Real" Men from Bad homes not risen above their circumstances to become respectable, responsible and successful spouses? It is all a matter of knowing who you want to marry, you cannot make judgement on the basis of her home. DOn't you read the dailies on how many silver-spoon Women from apparently Good homes ended-up with scandalous infidelity issues [color=#990000][/color]- Shine ya eye well well.

I love this.

Those who hate the truth are trapped in what we see in these silly latino movies.Family pride. good girl from good family must marry good boy from good family.
Is that what life is about? family pride?

A man or woman is not a background.Backgrounds shape our attitude towards life.It can build or break you. So ask yourself 'what kind of man or woman am I marrying from whichever background? The broken one or the strong one?
We marry people but manage their background and if you cant accept/deal with somebody's background then you are not ready to marry!

Ok lets see in summary. I loved Miami Fl,the best.
Weather (when there are no hurricanes,superb golf clubs,the AA arena where all these basketball greats gather,shopping and dancing salsa at the Bayfront,
Ocean drive esp on weekends and evening,the marina,the everglades,the warm latinos,(I found them warm and courteous),the beaches,the restuarants,food,malls everything is just sooo fine.
There's this location where celebs live! mehn! al I could see were yachts infront of private and exclusive residences not 'houses' lol.
The ocean is beautiful and if u want to have a memorable moment, have a picnic on a yacht as you go fishing.
If you want to catch a celeb wait at the backdoors of hotels gracing the ocean drive.Preferably from midnight.They are all over the place but only few manage to spot them cz they know their areas of hiding.
Lots of fond memeories I cant summarise but yep I am def going there soon.

Pagopago is first on my itinerary next.

neyostica: U wan add your own belle join

Very very funny post.

logica: OK, you are not an anal virgin eh? Anyway, sebi men will "pay for all they did" to you; why are you yearning for their touch again?

I now understand her pain.I only wish people could post the full story if they want answers.
Sexually abused,she kept off men now she's 28 all grown up and in need of one.
I see no probs with that.Shes normal.

correction.
For every single mother out there,there's a single/married father accountable.
They dont just get pregnant! and I doubt its fashionable if they are unable to raise up the poor kids.
That should tell you the kind of society you re living in then come up with measures to tackle it.
Educate the girls early before they mature

Op do not ignore the bolded or take them lightly.

gbenga007: She feels her type of woman, a single mother is not for the single, young unmarried guys but a divorcee perhaps.
She even told me to have a serious date and keep her as 'plan B'.
she's feeling inadequate now and ish.
We are both gainfully employed (6digits). What are the possible implications of my proposal to her? She had rushed to do the first wedding perhaps. Now she's more prepared and mature. She has learnt her lessons. Can you see it working?

Now listen,Love is a great feeling but it carries with it some heavy responsibilities.A divorced woman has been there, done that.Fine she may have learnt her lessons but do you realise that regardless of her age she's somewhat matured in some stuff? Kids esp tend to bring out a certain level of maturity because they test one's virtues and humble one a great deal.
Pay attention to what she said 'she may prefer a fellow divorcee who has her kind of exp because you don't fit into the bill.That is her reasoning.
Yes you are older but as far as she's concerned? you are inexperienced.Now before you take the big leap please make sure you have gained her full trust.
Why else is she asking you to take her as plan B? It's because she wants you to date other ladies and compare them to her.Thereafter you can make an informed decision.She doesn't want you to rush and marry her before she gives you the chance to explore other relationships first.

Shes feeling inadequate in what sense? Maybe the guy really messed her psychologically so what she needs is healing first not a man.
I can tell you this with confidence.If that lady has not healed from the scars of her previous marriage,this one will not last either. It takes time and she needs time to recover before entering into another.Allow that to happen.

Its good she has an income meaning she's not dependent on you.Her options are easy and I can tell she is not desperate.
Such women prefer treading carefully,they take time before they can fully trust another man.You therefore don't pressure them but move at their pace and see what happens.
Look here's no way you are going to hide her baby from your family! I don't consider it a wise move.Why would you? your conscience will always be troubled.
If you cant expose her and her baby to your family and relations then you are not ready to marry her.Where will you two be hiding?
Maturity means you embrace the other party with all they have just as they are.The kid is part and parcel of her and if your family doesn't approve don't use force.
Actions speak louder than words.There are ways to warm up parents hearts and keeping them in darkeness is escaping reality. Face them as a man and let them tell you off. At least you told them the truth.
Keep doing good to them and they will see you are truly determined.There is a time to surrender and parents are not made out of stone.

My final word? Be her best friend and do what she recommended.Take her as plan B.Explore others and compare.She has given you the go ahead and she wants to do the same exploration too.Take your time please cz you are both still young.
You may or may not end up with her.

lalaosky: nice post.though u r not 100% correct buh d maturity ur post oozed makes me hapi...kip it up.u neva disappoint with ur advice

Thank u.Am human,make mistakes so I am always open to correction and critism cz I know we all come from diverse backgrounds/environment and no one answer suits all.
I like saying,chew the meat and spit the bones and I know my posts at times have bones.It helps to point them out so I can learn too.

[quote author=Lagusta[b]]Let me be frank nd serious wit u; d only thing i respect about my wife is dat i married her a virgin. [/b].
PEACE!!![/quote] Ok.NOTED!

jmoore: Don't generalize when you call Men. I am a man and if I found out the night after our wedding that I am the only man that my wife had sex with, that cannot be forgotten.

Noted and nice.

Mekozoral: @ pendo : it's nt like i attach so much importance 2my being untouched as criteria 2 a happy married life but it's just dat while growin up i just personally developed a concept of stained bedsheet on weddin night dis was all b4 i cam in contact with jesus christ nd his father cos i wasn't raised in a religious home,but a personal decision. Thanks anyway.

You are such a nice person. Go ahead and give that gentleman a chance then.The time is ripe.Its great to have a man of morals by your side because he will not pressure you into doing stuff that may contradict your faith.

Will tell you one thing dear,even though people look down upon virginity,it saves one a lot of relationship heartaches.Its easy to handle many things but not a broken heart esp when one has given themselves to random guys.I have heard that,I have practised that and I say what I practice.Whether it works or not,that is not really my stress cz it has worked for me.The respect you have for your maker makes you respect and honour ur body.
You are 28.Many girls by 18 have slept with so many men they have lost count.Its fun they will say but it erodes some value (disputable)but I know it does.
It's not even about the husband you marry even though some men cherish it.Its more about you and your overall emotional,spiritual and psychological well being.

Go for it.Date and enjoy

Mekozoral: i'm tryin 2leave my life in line with God's standard 2make my creator happy, i only said i wana present it as gift 2my boo on my wedin night.

Will talk to you as a fellow christian.You wanna know what pleases God? Its called Faith not Virginity. Bible says for without faith its impossible to please God.
Now that faith is not limited to virgins/non. If you are faithless virgin you cannot please God no matter what you do.Pleasing God is a lifestyle that must be manifested through our work,relationships,talk and daily living not only abstaining.
When you abstain from fornication you are not doing God a favour but yourself.The body is the temple and any sin against it becomes a stumbling block.Makes it really hard to commune with God.That's the purpose.
Now get things into perspective. 'Presenting yourself as a gift to your hubby' is no guarantee that marriage will work.I hope hes also gonna present himself as a gift.Are we gifts or partners? cz my bible says that we should present ourselves as living sacrifices to God (not man) holy and acceptable which is our reasonable sacrifice.Nway.You got to bring something extra cz virginity goes in less than a min.Marriage is to last forever.Can you pay more attention on what will keep it going after the hymen is gone?
Men tend to forget easy.Other important things in marriage make them forget the whole you were a virgin thing.Its hardwork now.
I wish you could set your priorities right.
That said,its great you have not defiled yourself.Just don't use it as a weapon to put yourself in bondage now or in future.
Appreciate the feelings cz they are normal.Shows you are a woman and ready for sex.

What is the diff btwn a nice 9 yr old girl and a 29 yr old careless woman? Are they both girls?
If the 25 year old misbehaves she's labeled a girl? So are all young girls careless?? knowing very well that one is not in a relationship?

A girl is simply a female child!
A woman is an adult female.

If a woman(adult female in relationship) is careless she is simply a careless woman and not a careless girl.
Every adult female on this forum is a woman.

Right question is,

ARE YOU A LADY?? A well-mannered and considerate woman with high standards of proper behavior,and virtuous??

Not every woman is a lady but every lady is a woman.

LOL
Was Jamb that hard? it seems to have messed up these kids heads.

You need time to clear your head and think soberly.
There's no way your heart can be with one guy and your conscience with another.
You are just stressing your soul,the center of emotions.

Look at the way you describe these fellows.
First one cheated on you after you slept with him.The only reason you feel attached to him is cz he was ur first bf.
All girls have a first bf.whether they stay or not.its therefore not unique and not good enough reason to hold on to a bad reltnshp.
You describe the 2nd as a business man,not a graduate,spender that wants to marry you. The fact that you posted he's no graduate means its an issue.
Suppose you meet a 3rd guy,a graduate,spender,wants to marry you?

Find out what you want then go for it. Don't get swayed and confused by what is on offer.If it doesn't meet your normal standards drop it.
And from your post it seems as if neither of these two make you smile.Take a short break get busy then see what happens.

I guess its time to officially welcome the JAMBITES into romance.
Be kind to them people.

He named his new wife as the Vice President and was grooming his brother to take over the presidency.

The brother is the current foreign minister.

Expecting a purge very soon now that Joyce Banda has taken over.

smh

noisy tribalistic thread.

@poster.yes you can just spread your wings.

But at 28 my honest advice seeing that you intend to marry,is try to get involved in a relationship.
Reason being it takes time to work one before you decide.
Be spiritually natural bcz if you fail to appreciate your natural side,you are gonna end up old,desperate and take anything in trouser that comes along.
And all this being to devoted in God talk doesn't really matter.No it doesn't and it doesn't please God either if you fail to do the right thing at the right time.
The hot feeling is normal and hormonal so accept it,love it but don't act on it yet.Control it be keeping busy cz it will pass after a day or two.

wait a sec,Do you consider yourself a virgin gift to ur future husband or as a partner?
Gifts are unwrapped and used.At times we forget about them till we see them again ie if they are durable.
But a partner is part and parcel of our lives.They are involved in everything we do and we value their input.
My lil advice is don't hold yourself too long because you are a 'gift'. you are almost 30 rem and still fighting nature.

REALITY101: Maybe i need to edit the post. On break without sex? Pheww only if im caged.

while i understand the reason why one party may need a break,its important to be careful if you truly love your partner because anytime there's a vaccum,the pressures sorrounding us force us to fill it. Never leave a vaccum in a relationship.
men have 'caves' they love retreating into esp when a relationship looses its lustre and becomes routine.
If you decide to retreat and explore another relationship,let the partner know or else it will be classified as cheating.
most men who retreat do so cz they are bored with their current relationship so they never go back to it.

REALITY101: Both parties enjoy some time apart to[b] soul search and to find themselves without the burden of a relationship. [/b][color=#990000][/color]It's all about distance = perspective.

Now my question is, how the heck is smushing some other chicks during this period classified as cheating?

you have well explained the reason for a break.soul search without no burden.
How again do you hook up when you are on a break? will you ever find yourself?