₦airaland Forum

cazchi:
His guys,
This will be a bit long, but I ask for your honest, well meaning opinion.
Firstly, my approach to dating is to date to marry.
I'm 28 and she's 26. We are both professionals in our fields and we live outside Nigeria

We started dating a couple of months ago and she has expressed to me that she doesn't want to have sex or do anything sexual before marriage, which I thought of deeply and accepted.

She also has said things like she would like yo adopt a child one day, she would get a cook in the house and some strong religious beliefs as well, all of which I've been thinking about.

In recent times however, I haven't been able to stomach something and have spoken out. Please see below for some occasions:

1. Thursday 26/04/23:

She had suggested that we involve God in what we were doing about our relationship and that she needed to pray about it and get His direction before going forward with the relationship. I agreed and told her to take all the time she needed, that I’ll also do the same.

We didn’t talk for a few days and I had a truly intense session with God where I had driven my car out to a secluded area and prayed and called on him for my direction.
She later called me on Sunday, 3 days after we went mute, while I was at work (night shift) and said she had prayed about it and that she liked many things about me and that these are the things she would want in a husband, but that my faith is the one thing that isn't as strong and that it is something she wasn’t sure about. I listened and we discussed where I was with the Catholic Church and my transition and open mindedness in search for the truth and where to serve God. She then suggestef some books and also sent me a testimony from her mum. She then explained the other things she got from her break, but still sounded unsure whethet she wanted this relationship. Towards the end of our conversation, it dawned on me that we had spoken about her experience and her views on me as a partner, taken a break, but hadn’t even touched on mine or my experiences. I was disturbed by this and called her out on it. We argued and said our goodnight after.

2. Wednesday 03/05
We were talking about family, children and roles in the house. She started to ask me about my past relationships and how many women I’ve been with. I answered only the first question. She then said something about men being with women but then marrying a woman who is clean/hasn’t been with other men. I ignored that statement. She asked me if I’d marry a woman who has been with many men, I said no. She went on about that as well, arguing that it was hypocrisy. I haven't even been with many women, mostly those I've dated.

3. Friday 5/05/23
We were talking and I shared with her some issues I was dealing with I.e. my housemate deeply betraying my trust and hurting me and as such, I was going to end that relationship and keep my distance. She then revealed that she had matched and briefly conversed with my housemate on a dating app around the time we started talking, which I didn’t have an issue with, but she said she had recognised him when I introduced them. I felt as though she could’ve told me earlier. Moving on, after I’d shared my experience and decision with her, she made a blanket statement that it’d be unwise to cut my friend off and then went on a tangent about something she didn’t fully understand.
After listening to her, I asked her if she had even asked how I was coping with this, if I was ok or where I was with it first before straightaway undermining the decision that I had made based of my own experience. She went on trying to justify it and then made a flimsy apology at the end.
At the end, we had a truce and I remembered that we had been talking about the church before ( she’s Pentecostal, I’m Catholic, but leaning away from Catholicism for personal reasons) and I told her I would like to come to her church on the third Sunday of the month and that I would like her to come to my service the following week ( this service happens once a month because it is an Igbo service). She declined saying that she doesn’t believe In the Catholic Church. I asked her to perhaps comes for the cultural aspect and to also meet the people that are in my life. She refused, I kept quiet.

4. 07/05/23
We were discussing and the church came up again. She had a lot to say about the Catholic Church (mostly things I’d told her). She seemed to have developed such strong views against the Catholic Church. After we had discussed it, I asked her if she had ever been to the Catholic Church or if she understood the ways of the church? She said no. I asked her this “if your friend was getting married in the Catholic Church, would you go?” She said yes. I asked how that would be any different to her visiting my community to meet them and learn more about why I’m leaning away from that church. She couldn’t reply, but was trying to justify her stance. We argued and then ended the conversation.


I'm deeply worried about these because she always has a response to everything. She rarely wants to be corrected and has strong views of what she doesn’t understand. Are these fundamental issues that can be resolved? Am I being too compromising?

Thanks for your time!

She's not being a devoted Sister Mary bro, she's just an unrepentant, domineering and overbearing sis. Leave her now and run while you still can. This one will still grow wings later and tell you when to breathe and when not to!

Oh Lord father, the creator of heaven and Earth, thou art the giver of children and all; I pray against any problem, incidence or mishap that will make my children slave for another in any guise, I reject any circumstance that will make me give out my child to go into slavery and maltreatment. Let me stay alive and healthy to nurture them to maturity and soundness, Jesu! Awọn ọmọ mi o gbọdọ di ọmọ ọlọmọ o, Ma le mi kuro nidi erù mi.

Imagine a baby caring for another baby!
May God's divine help suffice for this little angel.

Many men would expect the woman would hug the boy, throw a welcome party and voila! The prodigal son is back! But really who does that? That's the height of disrespect if you ask me, like so? What can she do? I will do a thousand and one things if any man tries that rubbish with me.

The boy is innocent and deserves a home. His father needs to be in his life, fine! It's a simple thing. Mistakes happen. He shoulda just respect me enough to have informed me before bringing a total stranger to my house. What if the boy is already corrupted? What about my own kids too and their safety? Abeg Abeg! If he told me earlier, I can let him bring the boy, probably on weekends alone. I will use use the time to study him, his values etc. Afterwards, if the boy is good, I welcome him permanently with open arms if not, he's a gonner!

Gokoyer0:
I just want you to know that there are some people that will never listen until that age is no more thier friends.

Hmmmn! Really it's sad. I understand OP's pain and concern. Nobody wants his relative to be unfortunate in life.

GodWrites:
Your parents are to be blamed.

They couldn't even take care of themselves, yet they went ahead to breed kids they can't take care of.

If your elder brother has been given the opportunities, such as basic education, he wouldn't find himself in this condition.

Hawking is nothing but child abuse.

I think a robot typed this; definitely not human!

DownTime44:
Hi guys


Please i put up this post basically because of my elder brother. I sincerely want to know if i was wrong talking to him, or I could have just let him be. I wasn't myself ever since i talked to him, and i was somewhat having guilty conscience since then.


I have an elder brother, he's 38 years old and also the first son. I am the fourth child in the family of five. The second child is a female and she's married. We lost our third child, that's my immediate elder brother some years back, while i have a younger brother. I came from a humble background. Lost my dad while i was in JS 3, even before his death we had been hustling on a daily basis for survival, and we live happily as one big family. My mother, siblings and i do hawk daily before we could eat. All thanks to public school in Lagos, my family wouldn't have had the opportunity to basic education. We hawk daily after school, weekdays and weekend. My family was bred and brought up in Ajegunle.


Few years after the demise of my father, we struggled to pay house rent. We had to leave Ajegunle to a local and developing area. I didn't allow my family conditions deter or weigh me down. Never! I believe I'd make it in life legitimately without venturing into crime, fraud, theft etc. After my secondary school, i was into all sorts of labour work. I worked in factory, building site, cleared bushes, laundry man , just to save up and further my education. I worked for 6 years after my secondary school, bought a bike from the little savings i had and proceed to school through jamb. I gave the bike to someone who often deliver #6,000 weekly for the upkeep of my family. I was in year 2 when i let go of the bike, it was on a higher purchase and the agreement we have had elapsed. I hustled my way through school and graduated. I'm done with service last year but couldn't land a job, probably due to my age. I'd be 29 this year and most graduate trainee often request for age below 28. Although, i had a 2.1. I'm only managing in a pure water factory to make ends meet, keep soul and body together and support my family


I sat my elder brother down and talked to him. He has been hustling like every other person in the family but i don't understand what's happening. He didn't futher his education nor learn a handwork. He's 38 but still live under his parents roof. He has been doing conductor work for many years. The family had talked to him several times to look for something else. It's fine you are hustling as a man for survival but doing conductor for many years without thinking of what else to do is wrong. A family friend of ours who later got to know what he does for a living had advice him also.


The bus he was following, the driver had misunderstanding with the owner and he collected his bus back. My elder brother had been idle for months, doing nothing. He claimed he has gone virtually everywhere in search of bus he could be working with but couldn't get any. This is a family that we all had to bring something no matter how little to survive. I was talking to him as a younger brother. I asked him why didn't he heed to people's advice when they were advising him then to stop the conductor work and look for something to learn, if perhaps he doesn't want to further his education? He doesn't believe in Nigeria education, because he could count graduates without job or those with petty job. My elder brother wear almost rag as clothes. I had to give him some of my little wears I'm managing. He has just one slippers. We don't wear same size of shoe or sandals, we could have been sharing that also. He sold his phone to feed sometime ago and had been without phone. I was initially saving to get my mum a small phone but i had to give him the phone instead.


He was crying when i was talking to him. I understand the situation of things in the country, which i myself is going through. I was just trying to know what other things he could come up with. I am not happy seeing him sitting idle doing nothing. The fact that he's the first son and found himself in this condition at that age breaks my heart daily. My mum had been so worried about his condition. I had to convince her that things will be better. I don't want her to develop high Blood Pressure that could lead to her untimely death.


Please guys was i wrong talking to my elder brother?

I'm weeping profusely as I read your story. I have a couple of people around me too who are like your brother. The thing is when we fold our arms and think there is time, you sneeze or blink and you find out that time has siiiiince left you behind. You did no wrong by calling him. If you don't talk to him, who will? You should have had this conversation with him years back. Now age is not his friend, what work or craft will he learn now? If there's capital he can go into business. Something that he has passion for. Passion pushes one at times to do the extra ordinary. May God come through for you. Ways will open for you and you will excel by His grace.

I've worked in my uncle's hospital, he has many other doctors in his employ and I can tell you for a fact that doctors are not very disciplined people as far as the female anatomy is concerned. I don't understand them; they've seen so many such that it ought not to move them anymore but na lie! Even outside here, I've had a couple of encounters with doctors wanting to take advantage. Good that this one is caught. It's a breach of trust if you ask me.

taylor89:
Gistlover was right after all

Gistlover said Tinubu met Emoney at Apapa as a nobody and recruited them into drug pushing

They were 8 boys pushing drugs for Tinubu but na only two survive


Tinubu don damage many lives

No wonder Emoney and him bro KCee no make any political post during 2023 election


Tinubu is a drug sniffing Bastard

I don't have any problem with your rant up there, everybody to his belief. What I do oppose is this, why must everybody comment because an election is going on? Don't sound entitled. In what book of law is it written that everybody or every celeb must comment? Oga Ade, who commissioned you as Voltron? Anybody who decides to keep mute now automatically becomes the enemy. Be careful fa! You should understand that we have different characteristic traits, you have to respect that!

Mostly twice. I'm not a breakfast person. People around me have complained severally that I shouldn't skip breakfast if anything cause it's the most important meal of the day, but I can't seem to adjust. At times, I take lunch and just do something very light in the evening because of overweight.

The problem is I don't eat. My meal is typically the size of what a seven-year old will eat but I keep blowing up everyday. O ga o! Some people are lucky!

frank33:
Hi guys. I really need some advice on this please.

We are a family of 6 and I want to relocate my family from Onitsha to Abuja in order to hopefully have a better life and expose to kids to more.

But I am bothered by the uncertainty of this move.

Is this this good idea?

If you live or have lived in Abuja can you please advice me on where we can live and afford an average life in Abuja in terms of accommodation, feeding and transport.

Also what kind of business can one start up in Abuja as a newcomer with about 10m to survive.

Maitama is the only neighbourhood I've lived in Abuja and it's a nice place. Serene, cosy and peaceful.

Simongm:
Okay, who is your credible candidate that have the structures and campaign strategies that can trickle down to convincing voters from Central and Eastern Senatorial districts?

Dunno much about Kogi politics, I never lived there. I just know that the antecedents of Dino are not impressive.

[quote author=beekind post=122895286]Standing my ground will mean my dad, mom and other members of my own family will not attend the wedding cos my dad said he will not attend the wedding if she does not do a fertility test.
No I haven't met her physically yet, we have only been dating online for 10 months now and haven't had a chance to visit Naija but I am visiting naija and will spend 4 months in naija when I visit later this month.[/quote

Really it's no big deal if you or your dad need her to run fertility tests. I'm sure she wants what you want too. The way you tell her matters. Show her you have done yours and YOU (not your Dad) want her to run the tests too and that whatever outcome has little or no bearing on the marriage plans. It will only help you both to position and treat whatever defects she might have timely. She will want kids too so no big deal about the test

Perhaps Datti and his followership need to be schooled by the CJN what the constitution says about the requirements and whether the president-elect met them or not. May 29 is creeping fast on us so they should do more daring things to stop Tinubu. Could be his voice is not loud enough. Arise TV has a louder microphone and Obi's apologist, Rufai is there to ensure that the amplifiers don't down tool.

Radarada!

Simongm:
Yes, I am from Ayetoro-Gbede.

That means you are Dino's kinsman. I wish you the best of luck but Dino is not a credible person.
I'm from Egbe, the Jerusalem of Nigeria.

Dailyhappenings:
For the past six days, I dont have light in Lagos here. Is there anyone else experiencing it?

Well different strokes for different strokes. Today is the 6th day we've had uninterrupted power supply.

Lagos, Nigeria

Whenever you put on your gen, put off all your gadgets, even the bulb. Bridge the live wire, whenever he connects to it, all his appliances will blow on his face. Good riddance to bad rubbish!

Alao046:
The kind beating wey all these ones go collect from APC hand ehh, i just dey laugh in advance.
And na Tinubu go be president when them go do the election. Una see say Dino don stop to dey abuse Asiwaju since he became the candidate of pdp, but Asiwaju go still use pepper hot him yansh for this election.
PDP fit no get reach 30% of total vote cast

I was wondering how Dino go take look Tinubu in the face after all the abuse. He even fell on the floor, rolling trying to mimic Tinubu. Let him come and be governor and let me see.

Simongm:
That is good to know. Okun people should forgive Dino and support him, because he is our best bet to Lugard house and not Elder Leke for obvious reasons.

Are you an Okun person? Which of the Okun towns if Yes?

My dad has never, not once, beaten me. He even complains when he feels my mum's punishment or beating isn't justified. I was Daddy's girl, still am. He can do anything for me. After graduation, a long, gold chain was waiting for me; something he didn't do for my big sis. He made sure I had a fantastic traditional wedding, most expenses on him. Till tomorrow, he's the first to always wish me happy birthday year in, year out. He'd call every morning to pray for me. He can call for Africa! Beat me ke? Lailai!

My mum, Hmmmn! Disciplinarian Aye! She will beat silliness out of you. There's nothing she doesn't beat for -- if you walk and you drag your feet, if you eat and your mouth is making noise, if a visitor comes and you didn't disappear, if you're sent on an errand and you dare to walk casually on the road, if you are returning from school and you play on the road or gist with your friends, if she arranged your hair or dress and you returned with your hair doing hallelujah .... You will hear it! She uses ifoti, igbaju, igbarun, abara... anything that will come handy. I am happy now though that she did all that. Two soft parents will not suffice.

JobNeededUrgent:
any vacancy pls?
I'm a graduate teacher registered with TRCN and currently earning 15k as a class teacher in a nursery school.

help a brother please

Oops! None for now except you are a Music (Muson Centre Trained) or French or Library Science person.

Love800:
That means u are a teacher na. Is it a private or govt sch.

Pls am wondering. How do people apply for a govt sch. Like wat are the process

A private school, somewhere on the island

Love800:
Thank you. But i was talking abt the job itself.

How do you go abt it, cos i like to teach english too

No special way. I just applied in a school. After some interviews and tests. Voila!

Rubyjade:
Where you based?

Lagos.

Why?

Wagwanbrethren:
Why's there so mass shooting all over the world lately?
The other day it was US, now is Pakistan!

Yesterday, it was a 13 year old Serbian boy in Belgrade. What is happening?

Love800:
Goodevening.

Dis english instructor, how do you do it? I love anything concerning english

So many things for you to learn obviously.

Try to write correctly at all times. There's nothing like 'dis' in English. Then, anytime you write the word 'English' it must be written with a capital letter 'E' regardless of its position in the sentence because it's a proper noun.

Natbrowny:
True. Parents nowadays expect u to teach their kids to eat, pray, show respect, how to use spoon esp d nursery teachers. And just like u said. Parents expect u to be a superman and expect kids to be Einstein with them participating ZERO TO TEN PERCENT

One came to fight me last week. I gave the class a less than one page note on the first week of resumption. I told them I'll use it as test. I kept reminding them every week I am in class and by the eleventh week, I asked for the note to be recorded as one of my tests for the term. The boy hasn't written his, then I recorded zero for him. His mum came fighting that the boy is a slow writer. Damn! For 11 weeks? Slow writer? I gave it to her real good and thank God I had my boss's support. What kind of slow writing is that?

Thug turned lecturer.

Good riddance to bad rubbish!

I'm an English Instructor. My work is interesting as you learn everyday on the job to keep abreast of emerging technologies and maintain industry standard. I'm never one to keep down on one thing though so I do buying and selling of clothes and jewelry on the side.

My constraints is with parents who expect you to be a magician with their kids, without playing their part as parents. I hate filling all the records too. I just want to teach and go away

I quickly jumped on this thread cause I remember my wicked seniors from way back.

JSS One
Our uniform was sleeveless and 'V' necked. I don't know how whacked my fashion sense was then, but the underwear that I got was round necked and it keeps showing around the neck area. I was in a dilemma because if I pulled it down so it wouldn't show around the neck, it will start showing under my dress. Oops! Poor me! At times, I'll use my belt to keep it in the middle to prevent it from showing either up or down. God! I must have looked really funny. One particular senior took it upon herself to always harass me daily because of this. Anytime I sight her from afar, I always run. The way she carried herself, you'd think she was the Queen mother.

Still in JSS one, some of the big girls in SS 2 or 3 will come and ransack our class, our notebooks especially, looking for someone with great handwriting they can molest. I never escape this. That was how one lazy senior turned me to her 'copywriter' till she left school. Very lazy arrogant girl!

Because of these bad experiences, I made a resolve that I'd never trouble, harass or mistreat any junior till I leave school and it was exactly like that. I didn't send anyone on any errand, I didn't bash or harrass anyone.

MightyHand:
Hardly will you find my photos online, talk less of my Spouse / Family...
I normally dislike people that displays all their winnings on SM

It's too childish. Infact I dislike people who do that. Even if you don't post anything, some stubborn ones will still wish you happy birthday on fb, me I no dey respond, I leave you to chat with my wall.

NobleSeed:
predicament select 😂 😂

There's no crime in having a syringe and needle underneath. It's a show of strength and resilience. It's better than having igbadi, onde and akaraba (charms and amulets) underneath.

Go and sit down jooor!

TheBillyonaire:
Personal goals for food on the table, money in the storage and employment.

You'd do more if it were you.