₦airaland Forum

mbahdi:
Is it rigth or wrong to send your elder brother on errand?
You have a brother that seniors you with 4years,am 27,he's a final year student,he's going to school is a collective effort from the family but the Lions share always come from you the junior one,as the only person who has a meaningful business doing.others contributes tokens with food.
So as soon to be graduate,your brother is planning to come stay with you for the main time so as to look for work or to check if your area will be good for him to put his nysc assignment.so the question now is who's going to be doing the cooking?like you took food items home after your busy schedule at the shop,but he was ahome all through the day,will you still come and do the cooking or indirectly tell him to cook it?wunt he misunderstand you?please I need answers.
I don't mean he should come washing your clothes.but like cooking keeping the house clean since you are the one providing the rents food and every other things.

Deliberately sending him on errands you can do by yourself isn't healthy.

However, he should be able to use his conscience to do some certain things without waiting to be told.

And when he fails to use his conscience, you can tell him to get some things done if you are not able to do them as a result of your busy schedule.

I traveled to the village with my elder brother last December. He's more than 10 years older than me. We needed to buy everything we would use to cook including pots, plates, spoons, knives, buckets, etc. I bought them all.

We went to the market and I bought everything that we cooked including food, meat and gas.

Don't you think it will be haram for him to sit down while I enter the kitchen to cook and let him eat? Of course, he used his conscience and did the cooking.

Since, he couldn't contribute anything financially, while will he relax and still let me do the cooking?

Being an elder one doesn't mean a superior one. Things should be done accordingly that each person must contribute to the successful running of the home either financially or physically.

He's your elder brother, not your boss.

Please, what is the optimum number of blocks per bag of Cement for a foundation.

Evacroft:
It is a thing of the mind ,and a bad one at that. Some pple put u on a payroll every month for their upkeep. Sometimes even asking you money for naming ceremony. I can't even call my parents or siblings for money, except it is almost live and death situation. We all know the country is hard on most pple nowadays.

Also he's been surviving before u came around. If u can afford it give him and tell him your mind so as to avoid next month payroll cos he's coming back.

You nailed it. The one that annoy me the most is asking for money for frivolities. Something I only spend money on occasionally, someone is borrowing to expend on it.

Definitely not my hard earned money!

Tony142:
They take those that give easily for granted, and respect those that hardly give


Even if u give him the 30k, trust me he will still come back to beg u more money with some stupid excuse and emotional stories



Moral lesson: be stingy

Bro, I don't give easily. I gave him that lump sum amount because they had a burial ceremony but he mistook my gesture so I need to make him understand that there's no free lunch anywhere, not even my siblings can give me nor request from me in such quick succession unless in crucial and critical cases.

ibechris:
My brother my case is similar to urs but not actually about burial.

Three months ago,i travelled to my village to roof my house without informing my cousins and extended families that I was coming except my mum's younger sister.

When I got home,i made sure I was done with what took me down there before I could even called my best friend to inform him that I was around when I was done seeing him and his family,I left to see my aunt.

When I got there,there was so much talk regarding her family generally,her children were not taking care of her and barrage of complaints which I felt were beyond my capacity to handle and coupled with the fact that I needed to meet up with travelling back to my base the following day. So,I asked what she wanted to do,she mentioned it and I gave her 100k to support her and that was on 5th,March 2021 while j came down thinking of how to complete my house,I got a call from her asking for another 50k to augment her business.

I maintained my calmn and turned the phone to the speaker and my wife heard everything she said and became angered just for that fact that i denied myself of things worth 100k yet she still came for more. Fact is ,this same woman has children of my age and the last born is about 28years of age.

My reply to her was that,I will call her the next day and I will never call her again,because so far I have given the sum of 100k 4years ago,50k 2years ago,and this year 100k all because she is my mums sister. Let her own children also give to my mum.

That is the problem most givers are facing in this country.

I have much more similar experience to share but for the hypocritical nature of people on here.

Uyi168:
.
You own issues dey your body..

I should mean you?

Richy4:
I wasn't talking done on you if that's how you feel..I was just saying what you could have told him so that he can stay on his lane...You were complaining bitterly and was asking how much you were earning for him to demand for money in a short period... Sorry if I mistakenly bruise your big ego oga.. that was not intentional .. I know u owe me no explanation... My apologies... cheers...

My ego is bigger than your brain I agree.

"I owe you no explanation" if you were not in a haste to quote, you would have known that I was referring to the guy that was asking me for money.

frozen70:
Don't blame them, it's the hardship that caused it

If you can freely give 20k to a cousin who is nit that too close to you this hard time, he will assume you have more to give

Situations like this, your family should have agreed to give them a certain amount collectively by sharing it among yourselves, by so doing there won't be another request

We're not that closely related that my family will sit down to deliberate on issues regarding them to the level of deciding how much to give them as a family.

I did what I did because I felt I could close eyes and do it. I didn't know it is opening myself to more begging

Richy4:
But I don't really like what u did. You should have told him what you were telling us instead of promising him...

The matter would have died down assuming you told him that look buddy.... I gave you so much... My inlaws, one of them passed and I gave so much... now, I can barely feed... FULLSTOP.

Now he might be hoping that next month you will be giving him what u promised... and if u don't, it will seem as if u have and u don't want to give...

You guys should try and be honest in your dealings. it doesn't take much...

Have you heard of "I don't owe you an explanation" before? Actually I don't owe him any explanation. He will use his head to advise himself by the time I gave him excuses two three times.

Besides, I didn't tell you that I can barely feed. I don't know what's wrong with people of nairaland that they feel talking down on others or making a jest of everything is the way to make you feel better about yourself?

30k is a money I can easily give out if the person deserves it but not to someone I recently gave money to.

Chris525:
First you gave out money you couldnt afford to give, now you have promised money you don't have and you’re talking about goats and shit

Dundee United

Tell him you don’t have the money & go about your underwhelming life that has you frustrated because you gave someone 20k & you’re about to lose your mind because same person asked you for 30k.

Have fun

zangodangolo:
You stay in a three bedroom flat and you allow your 36 year old close friend who had accommodation challenges to stay with you pending when he raise money and find an accommodation.
Now your company has transfered you to another city far distance state that will entail that your coming back to visit your family atleast for now may be once in a month or more probably on weekends or during holiday until you know how far the transfer will go as you can't relocate your family and your wife works in a company.You have three kids,not yet grown up

What will you do as you are about to leave for the new state regarding your family with your male friend. Is it advisable to leave him with your family or to tell him to pack and go. Can you be comfortable allowing him stay together with your wife in your absence?. It's not that you don't trust your wife but is it advisable to leave them stay together without you in the house. Please sincere advise is needed

Even your adult blood brother shouldn't be allowed in your home when you are around, how much more when you are not around.

Now, you are talking about a stranger friend. Do you even have a girl child? Why do people put themselves in a tempting position.

For your own good, the good of your wife and children, help him find accommodation elsewhere.

But, if you know you trust him and your wife so much, you can let him be, after all, people share apartment.

It would be better if there's another grown up person in that apartment apart from your wife and the man. This will help forestall the chances of anything going wrong.

Your friend may get the wrong signal when you ask him to leave, but you don't really have to consider emotions when taking precautions. It's better to be suspicious and be safe than to be trusting and be betrayed.

efixxxy:
Hello, I need help on how to cope with my friends, I earn more than anyone in the circle, but my issue is about how my friends take advantage of me.
They usually come to my place almost daily basis, to watch TV cook whatever they want and go, I can't manage food stuffs, I need to be restocking things 4 to 5 times every month because I have to feed 4 to 6 grown up, they've turned my place to free food restaurants and they will never buy anything in the house, I will buy water and food and it will just be finishing quick. And also even when we go out they always expect me to pay for the bills and they will order what I ordered even more. They always complain that no money. I need help on how to take this issue because I am so tired of it, I can't save anymore.

This your topic and mine are similar, just that I wasn't asking for how to remove parasites as I have A1 in doing that.

Those friends will desert you once you go broke, do not be deceived. You may think that you are being a nice guy but to them, you are just another mugu or you think it's only girls that are parasitic?

In this life, learn how to not give a flying fuck_ because it will help you go a long way in life. Tell them off with straight face and dawn their wrath because they will definitely get angry.

The mistake you made was starting it in the first place. More like, you enabled them. I have a former coursemate that lives close to me with his parents. We didn't know that we live close to each other because I moved in here during my youth service while he was born and brought up here.

All of a sudden, the guy wants to turn my apartment to his own. Every night, he will call me that he's coming to sleep over. The way he'll even say it as though he was trying to keep me company. I had to use style to tell him off by not picking his calls whenever it's late in the evening and will call him back the following morning. He got the message and stayed off.

I cannot stress myself during the day only for me to come and squeeze myself on my bed instead of relaxing my body fully. One thing I don't understand is why people seek comfort that they cannot afford.

It will be hard to stop but you have to try, else you will use the money you will use to do something tangible to be feeding some leeches.

dboY1123:
I am 28 years old this month, and the last born of my family. Although I still stay with my aged parents probably because I am waiting for my school to mobilise us by july., And I have been under pressure from my sisters that I should move away from my parents so I can see life differently and start preparing for my own private life, they said not even bachelor's life but to prepare ahead of marriage.
Well, since the corona year(last year) one of my sisters advised me to go into a business and since then I never regretted taking such action, it has been doing well even when I least expected although not that big, but at least I see like 50k monthly if I decide to save bit by bit daily thanks to Piggyvest.
The first thing is that, she wants me to pack out of there before september (my problem is that I'm going for service and I don't know how that will turnout).
Secondly, if I'm even going to pack my things, which of the two should I rent(the topic).. Which one is advisable?

You schooled late sadly. Leaving your parents house shouldn't be done without adequate preparation bro.

You are yet to serve, earning just 50k per month and somebody is already preparing you for marriage? Hmmm...

I'll advise that you wait until you are posted for your youth service so you use that opportunity to leave your parents house.

Your question on whether a room self contained or a room and parlor depends on the location you are renting the apartment oo.

Where I stay, a room self-contained goes for 350k and a room and parlor goes for 500k upwards. With this, do you still need assistance on which to rent with a 50k monthly income?

Adesegzy91:
Pls advice this friend of mine,

He got married late last month and after marriage, he discovers that his wife can't see at night and also the wife has mental issues that happen once in a while, whenever the mental issue happens, the wife is not violent but she will just be looking like a slowpoke on one spot for over 3-4hours until she fall asleep and when she wakes up, she doesn't remember it happening...

During their courtship,My guy was kind of religious with no sex before marriage and no sleep overs, no late night crawling, major meeting spot are public places especially church,malls,eateries etc

Now he is thinking of quitting the marriage cos of what he just discovered,

He is scared to even share it with his family cos he don't know how they will react, I even just got to know because I am his closest childhood friend and we don't hide anything from each other,I was his bestman on his wedding day.

Pls he needs advice before he slumps into depression

@Mods pls push to FP for wider advice

You don't really have to put the "no sex before marriage thing". That's not the reason for his predicament.

Some ladies do sleepover in their fiancé's place without sex. Some do have sex without a sleepover.

So, his problem is just not being observant enough during their courtship period.

A lady with such a problem must have exhibited some characteristics of slowness when they were meeting.

proudlyteacher:
Seanwilliam abeg where can I sell dollars to Aboki in Ibadan, na only $50 sha. Payoneer dey rip me off with their #371 rate. E go make sense if Aboki can buy for #450 above.

Do you have make a payment (MAP) enabled on your payoneer account?

I sell my payoneer fund at 470/$ to an exchanger.

If you don't, just collect your 371/$ in peace because the amount of money is small. When trying to withdraw through Domiciliary account, you may lose some fund along the line that will make it not worth the stress.

Solosolojohquay:
Don't blame the cousin ,since you gave him 20k he thought 30k won't be your problem to solve his own problem you have to tell him your mind or he will see you as wicked I don't see what is wrong in you telling him your mind unless you can afford the money and didn't want to give him or you look like you can afford it

It's not about affording or not. It's about knowing when to ask.

This guy has been living his life. All of a sudden, because I sent him 20k, he now needs 30k. That's absurd.

I need the money more than him even if I have it

DaddyRochie1642:
Oga let the man rant in peace joor

Don't mind the hoodlum

Chris525:
Should have told him your mind instead of coming here to rant. I don’t really understand why you have brought this here.

If I don't rant, how will a goat like you see space to type shiiiit?

So, I created a topic the last time about my grand aunt's wife that died.

Her burial took place on 13th April, 2021. On 10th April, I sent 20k to the eldest grand son to support the burial.

I was surprised when he called me yesterday that he wants to start a new business, that I should send him 30k.

Like seriously, someone who isn't that closely related to you gave you 20k, and you're calling the person to request for 30k in such a short time frame?

I was angry yesterday that I don't know whether to shout at him and end the call but I kept my cool and told him next month. Definitely the "next month" will never end since he feels I now owe him because I gave him 20k.

My elder sister whose husband is even richer gave him 5k and I'm sure my other siblings didn't give him/them any money. Because I benevolently gave him big money, he now thinks I place too much value on him or something.

How much do I earn in a month that this guy expects 50k in such a short interval. My elder sister lost her father-in-law and the burial held on 9th May, I also gave her 20k, meaning I gave this guy the same amount that I gave my own blood sister and I know the last thing my sister will do now is to call me to request for money, how much more a 30k.

I wonder why people abuse kind gestures and privileges. What's your experience dealing with this type of entitled people without conscience?

Babysho:
This your Economics is debatable o.

The rich people give birth to fewer kids because they're educated not because they're rich. If you see a poor man with one or two kids, it's most likely because he's educated(just like the o.p has zero kids. You can tell he's educated from his write up). If you see poor man with many kids, he's 100% uneducated.

You never see Alhaji for better mansion with 4 cars in his garage and over 16 kids? And all the males don even become rogues. And his house his big and all but you'll hear one of his kid was caught stealing.

Your little arithmetic up there too doesn't add up. It doesn't cost anybody less/more to raise children. The ratio of earning to childcare/fees is the same of poor man and rich man as long as they cut their coats according to their size which they will.

Man wey born many pikin has simply decided that's what he wants to do. Especially uneducated and negligent man, he doesn't give a damn about the school they attend or food his kids eat.

I know poor men that have just one or two kids and send those kids to really good schools and on the other hand, the rich Alhaji will send just 10 kids of 16 to school and na public schools.

It's not a thing of class, it's down to education my brother.

Your Alhaji analysis is based on religious factor. I replied someone on this thread regarding that.

I don't really know what to say regarding your other points as they are out of my debating purview.

More like, you have given a lay man analysis. Giving a real life examples. Even at that, I know a lot of educated people with many children.

What I wrote there is Economics model. In real life, there are exceptions.

Married2Crypto:
buy feg at hotbit exchange

Please, what does this error message mean on Hotbit

Chidi odinakalu is from Imo state not Abia anyway

Remilekun187:
Is it wise to buy it now? And where can it be bought

Can't find feg anywhere on all the exchanges that I have but only found pig in Mxc pro and it's on 40+% so may not be the right time to buy

Foodqueen:
Some first sons are sooo irresponsible that all they are after is property.

May my son not be like that. Amen

To make your prayer work, you have to give your first son the best he can get.

This issue of first son and last born is more pronounced in larger family size.

A man with just three children will have all of them go to school almost at the same time that they all hustle and stand on their own without much gap.

But when you have 6 children, one child is in SS2 and the other is in primary 2, that's when this siblings responsibilities arise.

Otherwise, it's the responsibility of the parents to train their children and not one's siblings.

ComrdDRS1:
Some of this last born, middle born and whatever they are do not know that the first born is like a shield to them.
Whatever generational wahala do most atimes attacks the first born leaving their siblings free and when they makes it in live they felt it's their doing. despite that they can't stomach what the poor and lazy first born as they do call them is passing through.

This excuse is lame sincerely. This is what most people whose father is the first son always give as an excuse why their father is poor because their grandparents used the family money to train the younger ones in school who later abandoned their father and his children.

Even schooling up to masters level did not make me any richer than our second son who never finished SS3.

First sons are mostly irresponsible, QED. It's only when sharing the father's properties that they know that they are first sons.

Nbote:
So becos U are the lastborn in your family and look after your siblings including the Eldest every first born is poor and irresponsible?? That comment reeks of crass ignorance and arrogance. The saying in Igboland U quoted isn't complete. The complete saying says "Whichever son is able should bury his father. The first son didn't kill him". That saying further highlights the pressure and expectations on firstborn sons. In Ngwa land, there is a saying that not until the death of an imbecilic first son, the wisest second son can't head the family. So I don't know how much U think U have done for them to make U make a generalization that sounds and reeks of arrogance.

Sorry Mr. First Son.

I said most first sons not all and if you look around you, you will agree with me.

It's not about what I have done for my siblings. Our second son is the richest in the family so I'm not the richest among my siblings but then the first son is #docile with his responsibilities.

This first son thing is a hoarse.

There's a saying in Igbo that he who has the money should bury the father because it wasn't the first son that killed the father.

Most first sons are either poor or irresponsible. The birthright they sold in the Bible is still affecting them today.

In the family, it's the person with the money that shoulders the responsibilities and not any first born.

I am the last born of my family but I look after some of my siblings starting from the eldest one.

If you are the driver that took my sister and her kids to the hospital, her daughter said I should tell you she enjoyed the trip.

Thanks for putting the pillow at the back seat of your car. She held onto the pillow all through the trip, that my sister was afraid she may find it difficult to let go when the trip ends

More innovation to you drivers

mrwonlasewonie:
you no add the cultural factors.you go see Okada man, gateman or vulcaniser wey no see Food chop go dey get mind to marry 2,3 wives,carry all of them pack for inside 1 room with over 12 children

Na those poor people wey dey fertile pass and their konji Na non stop

Actually, what I stated is the model that affect fertility in Nigeria.

If I should include other factors like culture, religion, social security, health system, insurance, family planning, education of the girl child, early marriage, mass media, etc.

Those are the normal factors but I only stated the model child bearing is a function of the four factors where two of the factors are positively related to child bearing while the other two are negatively related to it.

xandy84:
I disagree with you about the reason poor people has more kids. Sociologist believed that poor people have more kids cos they have fewer means of entertainment when compare to rich people and will result to more sexual intercourse, hence more kids.. Ask yourself, when was the last time a neighborhood plumber, carpenter goes to the movie with his wife? Maybe never but will have sex with his wife often.

You said Sociologist but I stated in my submission, Economists. Geographers will have a different view, so will other disciplines

In Economics, low income families give birth to many children because to them, children are investment goods while high income families give birth to fewer children because to them, children are consumption goods.

To a rich man, children are substitute goods, to a poor man, children are complementary goods.

Factors that affect the fertility rate in Nigeria are

1. Price (cost) of raising children
2. Income of the household
3. Taste and preference
4. Cost of other goods.


Now, looking at the cost of raising children, a man that lives at Lekki will definitely want to have fewer children because the cost of raising one child is high considering the environmental factors like school fees, rent, etc. Unlike a man living at Ijegun that will only need to drop 500 naira at home for the lunch of 5 children. Now, you know why someone living in the low-brow area of the city will most likely give birth to more children? Because it costs him less to raise them. They can go to government school for all that he cares!

Income of the household. Lower income should have mean fewer number of children but the reverse is the case in this country due to lack of education and exposure.

Taste and preference. People with high taste will want to have fewer number of children so to maintain a minimum living standard.

Cost of other goods. The higher the cost of other goods, the fewer the number of children should be.

Nigeria has factors 2 and 4 to help us reduce the population boom but high level of ignorance rather made it to work against us.

If you took your time to read this, please save the society by giving birth to no more than 3 children irrespective of the genders. Whatever 6 children will do for you, 3 children when properly trained can do it.

richie10k:
Some buyers will contact u but when u reply,Dem go just blank u completely.
Anyway just successfully withdrew my 1st income earned on Fiverr within 2 weeks ($90)
Baba God "nara ekele" Now d journey has begun.
May d orders keep coming

Lol

It's normal. Some can chat with you for 2 years without placing order oo.

I have had clients chat and go incommunicado only to resurface and chat again after many months or even years and still disappear.

You cannot say you will not reply else your response rate will suffer.