₦airaland Forum

Kobojunkie:
With 10s of millions of Nigerian women drugged up on religion with no end to their woes in sight, over a decade later, I would not recommend any of your churches or mosques to even my worst enemy. That would be utterly wicked of me to do.😒

Kobojunkie:
Really? Have your religious deities solved the marriages of the millions of women who fill your Nigerian churches/mosques both in Nigeria and abroad?😒

youdontknoe:
I get lost in thoughts. Why is this the way marriage is for me? Was this even worth it? I cannot talk to anyone. Not the pastors. Not my parents. Not my friends. I know having kids is not all that’s about marriage, but I also know that I want them. But we have bigger issues here and it’s beyond kids. I just don’t know if marriage has served me up to this point. In my very mid 30s so I also don’t know what the future holds. Sigh. I’m just tired.

Rapmoney:
First, coming from a humble background, life dey win you 1:0. Your parents' financial condition is not a curse. It is a sign that you should work hard on adding value to your life. If you cannot go to school, learn a good craft. Valuable men are always attracted to valuable women. If you have no education, skills, goals in pursuance, or trade expertise, you will become a prey to NFA (No Future Ambition) men. Getting pregnant for or even bonding with men who have no plans, blueprint, or resources to cater for family is a disaster and a direct multiplication of poverty in geometric progression.

The era of women sitting and waiting for already-made men to come and rescue them from lack is long gone, because if he is valuable and you are not, you will never have value in his eyes. He knows your worth.

Mothers should teach their female kids that the same burden that is placed on a man to strive and succeed is the same burden that is placed on a woman too.

Behind a successful man that wins the bread, stands a successful woman that wins the akara.

Kobojunkie:
So, you two were essentially cohabitating. Oh well, inform the woman of your intentions, and then go ahead and make an appointment with her parents. 😒

oarowosola:
Honestly, you guys are funny as hell. Some of the roasts had me laughing, some were annoying, but overall I enjoyed reading the comments.

But one thing I need people to understand is this, I didn’t come here because I was looking for relationship advice. At the point I made that first post, my mind was already made up. I was already mentally done with the relationship long before I even typed anything.

The reason I shared the story was mostly because I was exhausted mentally, and I also wanted people to see how extreme certain situations can get in relationships. Sometimes people think you’re exaggerating until you start explaining the details.

Truth be told, this breakup didn’t happen overnight.

I had already been thinking about ending things for a very long time. The only thing holding me back was the fact that she is actually an amazing person in some ways. She has a soft heart, and I knew breaking up with her was going to hurt her deeply, so I kept trying to find the best possible way to do it without completely destroying her emotionally.

But the events of that final weekend just pushed me over the edge.

The way she left my kitchen after staying over, combined with everything that happened the night before, was what finally made me snap internally. It wasn’t that I suddenly realized all the issues that day. No. Those things had been building up in my mind for months.

Before I eventually sent the breakup message, I had already started emotionally withdrawing from the relationship. I stopped calling as much, stopped texting often, and stopped engaging the way I used to. She noticed it too. She kept asking what was wrong, and I would just say I’m fine, even though she knew something was clearly off.

Eventually I realized I couldn’t keep dragging it out forever. I didn’t want to keep pretending while mentally checking out. So I finally sent her a message telling her I was no longer interested in continuing the relationship.

At first, she was shocked.

She kept asking how someone could end a relationship of over a year through text without explanation. She asked if there was another person involved. She begged me not to ignore her. She said she was trying to stay calm because she was outside in public.

Honestly, reading those messages affected me because despite everything, I’m still human. I’m not heartless.

So instead of completely shutting her out, I told her we could talk later because I was busy with work at that moment.

Later that night, I finally picked up her call.

And for the first time, I explained everything fully.

I explained how draining the relationship had become for me mentally. I explained how uncomfortable I constantly felt because of the difference in our lifestyles, hygiene, responsibilities, communication patterns, effort, and overall approach to life.

I explained the incidents that stayed in my head for months, the constant untidiness, the dirty environments, the financial imbalance, the times I felt taken for granted, the moments I cleaned her entire house just to prove that basic cleanliness was not impossible.

And no, cleaning her house was never a sign of weakness or simping to me.

I did it because I loved her.

I genuinely believed maybe if I showed her how simple it was to maintain a clean environment, things would improve. That was all. But instead, things kept repeating themselves over and over again.

I also explained how frustrating it felt to constantly give financially, emotionally, and physically while feeling like the same level of thoughtfulness wasn’t being returned consistently.

By the end of the call, she broke down crying and started apologizing repeatedly. She begged me to give her another chance. She promised she would change. She promised she would work on herself and become better.

And honestly… I softened.

Maybe because deep down, despite everything, I still cared about her.

So I gave her another chance, but I made myself very clear.

I told her this wasn’t about pretending for one week or acting differently temporarily because she got called out. I told her real change has to become natural. Cleanliness, responsibility, effort, and self awareness cannot be something you perform temporarily just to save a relationship.

I told her:

“Please change for yourself, for your future kids, and for me too. Don’t just act differently now and later return to old habits. Let it become part of you naturally.

As a lady, I honestly expected you to even be correcting me on certain things, not the other way around. I’m putting a lot on the line emotionally, and I don’t want to regret my decisions later in life.

I’m not saying this like I’m doing you a favor. There are billions of men better than me, just like there are women better than you. Nobody is irreplaceable. But while two people are trying to build something meaningful together, both people should be actively working on themselves.

You are free to call out my own flaws too because I’m not a perfect human being. Relationships are supposed to be about growth, accountability, and complementing each other. The moment two people stop growing and start merely tolerating bad patterns, the relationship slowly becomes exhausting instead of peaceful.”


So yeah… that’s the full update.

Some people roasted me in the first post. Some understood me immediately. Some thought I was overreacting. Some thought I was being too soft.

But at the end of the day, nobody truly understands how emotionally draining a relationship can become until they experience living inside that reality themselves.

Previous thread https://www.nairaland.com/8677133/cleaned-girlfriends-house-instantly-wanted

Marvieduke:
BUSINESSMAN LUCKY ADIMIKE STABBED TO DEATH BY HIS OWN SON

Businessman Chief Lucky Adimike, also referred to as Lucky Godwin Adimike, was allegedly stabbed to death by his 19-year-old son in Abuja. The incident is said to have happened after an argument at their home in Guzape.

A report says the son, who was reportedly keeping late nights and returning from a night club allegedly stabbed him multiple times and is currently in police custody while investigations continue.

The police reportedly confirmed that a homicide investigation is ongoing.
The incident allegedly happened at his residence in Guzape, Abuja.
He was described as a businessman and electrical dealer.

Sources claimed there was an argument between him and his son, reportedly a nightcrawler, in which his scolded him to be more serious with his studies and life instead of roaming aimlessly, spending lavishly and getting into substance abuse

The disagreement allegedly also involved money, lifestyle expectations, and accusations about business funds.

Police reportedly found him injured after a distress call and later confirmed him dead at the hospital.

The Nigeria Police Force reportedly said several people, including a relative, were taken into custody while investigations continue.



https://www.google.com/amp/s/thenationonlineng.net/why-youth-corps-member-stabbed-billionaire-father-dead-associate/amp/

oarowosola:
I love the fact that you guys are roasting me so of the comments are funny though. One guys said All this write up because of eve

Gagare1:
I hope it will be a short read.

So, there is this person I met during my undergrad years who was into youth ministry in the campus. He is a family man. I was introduced to him by a family that I consider my spiritual parents, and being the passionate type about the Christian faith, I trusted him and we started doing Bible study and other campus outreach programs. Our friendship grew well enough that sometimes I visit his house during the weekend (along with other youths he relates with) for Bible studies and what not. With time, I got to trust him enough to allow him into my personal space, which is not something I do easily because I am an introvert (until I trust you, then I sanguinize rapidly).

Fast forward to about two years later, I entered my first relationship with a lady and I hoped to marry her, so I introduced her to him. Gbam! Things started changing between us. Whenever she and I had issues (mainly bordering around her closeness with guys and her dislike of other ladies, even my own relatives) he seemed to take her side, always blaming me for being rigid. Now, he might be right that I am rigid, because we clearly disagreed on certain issues like him claiming to have more authority over me than my own parents because he is my spiritual leader, which I firmly disagreed. Or him saying a good man will forgive a cheating wife, for which I replied "she will go to her father's house and NOBODY can make me take her back". And many other instances.

Now, as time went by I got fed up with her flirting with random guys, and her lack of commitment to the relationship, treating me like an option. So when I graduated and left her on campus, I decided to gradually end the relationship by telling her to simply go ahead and commit to any guy she feels an attraction to, since I will no longer be around. Any reasonable person would have understood what it meant. As God will have it, about two months later, I met the lady that will later become my wife. But I didn't even try to woo her until after about six months when I was on NYSC camp. So everything was done via phone. First, I called my ex and officially ended the relationship, then call the new lady and professed my love.

Despite almost a full year of separation, all hell broke loosed after that call. My ex reported me to that mutual friend, who immediately went ballistic on me. He threatened to take unpleasant measures against me if I don't retract my words and come to the table. Table? To eat what? Tuwo ko Gurasa? I maintained my stance, telling him, "When I return from camp I will come to see you, but don't expect any change in my decision, I will only come to officially tell about it". And that was what I did. And for about two years, we were estranged.

However, when it was time for me to marry, I thought it will be good for me to honour him for the five years we spent together as friends on campus, at least he was kind of a guardian in a way. So I personally travelled interstate to meet him and address any grievance, even offering him the honor of being the guest preacher on my wedding. Now, I had to bypass a host of ordained ministers who were colleagues of my Dad, to choose him. In fact, some of them even told my Dad that they hoped he would have chosen them to minister at his youngest son's wedding, but I made my choice, and my Dad respected it. Of course, he chose his own friend to do solemnization.
Everything went smoothly.

About two years later, my wife and I decided to visit his family for Easter, we went with our daughter who was barely a year old. We spent two days. After about a year we visited again, but this time we returned with a clear decision to end any close relationship with him, choosing to simply treat him as an acquaintance and no longer a family friend. But why the drastic measure?

Here it is:
During the second visit, in the course of our discussion, only the two of us, he admitted jokingly that on their way back from our wedding, where he preached, they were discussing about how I chose not to marry a lady that matches my educational level and age, but instead went to marry a small girl with lesser education because I want to control her. But I will be shocked with what I will get, because that small girl will surprise me (i.e. deal with me).
Literally laying a curse on the very wedding he preached on. That was it!

Ever since we returned, for more than three years now, I give him cold feet. He has tried many times to get us to visit but I always find a way to avoid it. I simply don't feel my family is safe around them. The trust is no longer there.

On more than two occasions, he called my wife telling her to ask me what his offense was, that I am ignoring him. For me, it is a matter of family security.

By the way, the age gap between my wife and I is 5 years only. But she has a small body, so people think she is a small girl. I love that woman too much to risk loosing my guard, not for anyone, much less someone who cursed us while we smiled at each other.

I am open to mature advise.

Did I really go too far by redefining our relationship with him?

alanto:
Both she and the bandit that shot her are really st.upid wasting themselves away over dead foreigners who's offsprings don't rate them. She's very silly for gambling her life like that. For what? Will she die if she worship her own ancestors?

I don't understand how you educated Africans are not educating the illiterates about this foreign religions.

12345baba:
He said the pastor said they the spirit is coming, holy spirit wey full everywhere na him my guy say e dey come. This ur story eh.
Anyway Catholic for life

Keme4Real:
Wow. Wish I could experience the Baptism of the Holy Spirit.

alobright17:
Mugu , so that Satan is alive today and tormenting you is also because your mumu god gave him life to continue making you suffer.

Your god is also merciful to Satan and waiting for him to repent that’s why he gave him life hahhahahhahahhaha

alobright17:
Funny thing is una god has everything but always want you people to suffer before giving it ?

He doesn’t protect or provide .

He makes you people to pay tithe , offering, sow seed , fast and pray , midnight prayer , night Virgil . Early morning prayers, all sorts of camps , crusade .monday to Sunday weekly services.

And all he does is sit up there writing names of sinners?

He watch children being unalived everywhere he couldn’t stop it all in the name of giving the perpetrator a will .

This is a joke of a god .

Namaster:
Extremely ENLIGHTENED submission!

To add, money was created as a form of BARRIER.
A reason to DENY.

The REALITY of life and the ECONOMICS that explain it do NOT correlate.

The RESOURCES on earth is SUFFICIENT to take care of EVERYBODY.
Scarcity is a MYTH.

Yet BILLIONS of people have to be DENIED access because they do NOT have money.

For instance, there is HUNGER everywhere.
Even in the US where they have food banks.

YET food waste in the US alone is between $161 to 473 BILLION per annum. Or about 30 to 40% of Food Supply.

It gets worse when you realise that FIAT currency is WORTHLESS.
The ONLY legitimacy it has stems from MUTUAL DELUSION.

In fact, we waste REAL and USEFUL resources to produce the NONSENSE.



The world is a JOKE.
And it's NOT even funny.

Communism would have HANDLED a lot of the nonsense we see today but it has been DEMONISED by the West.

bewisemasses:
Only Jesus can successfully exorcise a demon from a person with d precision of a surgeon and still leave d person in one piece.
Infact B4 Jesus came, d Jews will kill d person so that d demon will be out stranded looking for another body

Kobojunkie:
if you were to find yourself with a woman who left you lonely like OP is now...say 5 years from now you find that you, like OP have been pouring water into an empty basket.. would you also buy into this Jesus and the power of his name will make it all magically ok somehow suggestion you may have the Op? 🥱🥱🥱

Sexyrosey:
I really appreciate this post, my husband is not abusive towards me, he provides and to a large extent I can say he is a good person and a good father, but a terrible husband( emotionally unavailable and a “traditional man” ) who believes that the only thing is owes his wife is food and shelter.

My marriage is 8 years, and I must say, and my children are still small so I'm stuck with them most of my free time. And to make the whole matter worse we relocated to a new state, away from all my friends and family.

I just needed to vent, in hope that I will feel better afterwards

Islie:
https://www.vanguardngr.com/2026/01/tax-education-series-credit-alerts-income-and-your-taxes/