₦airaland Forum

I am aware of that wonderful website

I am also aware that, boldly written behind the counter of every police station in Nigeria is this harmless phrase:

[size=18pt]BAIL IS FREE[/size]

Like my ancestors would say, never argue with a man with a gun. many have been christiened armed-robbers on the spot in the process, post-humously of course, with their blood to serve as the river jordan.


The fact remains that if you want to prove your right with a naija police along the highway, you could pend hours doing that, while he's doing his f*****g job and wasting your time simultaneously.

While I cannot corroborate whether Oprah actually made that statement, if she did, then she's actually generalising a lot of issues.

Let's not lose sight of the fact that it takes two to tango. It actually takes a criminal mind on the part of the con-man, and greed or sheer stupidity on the part of the duped for a 419-scam to be executed.

Why on earth is it that even though 419 is almost as old as HIV, more and more people are still falling victim to it. Irrespective of the mass publicity accorded this scourge, and the consequent bastardisation it has effected on Nigeria's image globally, people are still falling prey to these 419ers.

The answer is simple: GREED!!!!!! PURE UNADULTERATED GREED AND STUPIDITY!!!

While I wouldn't regard every Nigerian as corrupt, I also believe that 419 has been so dramatised that we seem to forget the very fundamental traits of honesty and sincerity that many Nigerians have thrown into the garbage. I find it extremely difficult to trust anybody I see on the streets these days.

While not every Nigerian is corrupt, the number of those yet to be tainted is fast been depleted.

The Yar Adua administration should be allowed to work.

The arrest of the ex-governors should serve as a warning to the recently-sworn in governors, many of whom have started looting their respective state treasuries (yes!!!)

This is no time to honour any gentleman's agreement. A gentleman does not loot public treasury in the name of governance.

The arraignment of OBJ is simply a matter of time (if there is any evidence to prove he is corrupt). If all evidence points at him, then it's just a matter of time before he falls out with Yar Adua and Ribadu. Remember that the travails of Chimaroke Nnamani has been further compounded by the countless mention of his name in the suit filed earlier by EFCC against his former aides. If a couple of the detained ex-governors can squeal and produce evidence linking their misdeeds to OBJ, then he definitely will be arraigned to answer for himself.

It takes only a crminally inclined mind to criticise the arraignment of governors that have been accused of corruption. If any of them is innocent, then he should plead his case in the court of law.

If Peter Obi had his day despite all said and done, the our judiciary must definitely be working; be it not too efficiently.

Without appearing pessimistic, I wonder what language your movies are written in.
English, pidgin, hybridized english or just 'inglish'.

Concentrate on directing and let someone else do the script writing.

The use of a common staple food like maize for ethanol production is something that has to be approached with caution in developing nations like Nigeria.

It reminds me of kerosene. The incessant scarcity of kerosene in our markets today can be traced back to the fact that it makes up for most of the fuel used in the aviation industry.

So much so that the NNPC boss went on air to say that kerosene is not meant for domestic use.

If you don't want childern, then that's your choice.

You also don't get the privilege of being a father or a mother.

You minimise the chance of bringing into the world people who wish to make the same weird choice as you may want to.

If you wake up and find as little as N1000 mistakenly credited to your account, it is in your interest to report it, or better still don't touch it, because you will surely vomit every kobo of it. The same mistake that credited it to your account will be made again and have it debited from your account.

Now when the amount in question is N300m, rest assured that not only will the bank reverse the anomaly, EFCC, ICPC and even the f***ing Nigerian Police will be hot on your heels for aiding and abetting fraud.

Ever heard of receipt of stolen property?   "I know sabi" no dey for this matter.

There's nothing like free lunch ooo!!!

I trhink it's time THISDAY started thinking of utilising this event for something more creative and purposeful.

Proceeds from tickets sales can be used to fund projects and initiatives that can benefit the masses no matter how small. And make Thisday and other sponsors a household name as well.

There are charity football matches abroad. Events like this should be organised with similar intentions in mind.

My 2 cents anyway.

watch cartoons:
[list]
[li]tom and jerry
top cat
looney tunes
count duckula[/li]
[li][/li]
[/list]

@Kinsh
True talk! Well done.

Most people remember God and church during the trying times of their lives.

Most men would sit down at home and watch CNN on a sunday morning.
Their wives do the church thing for them, with the children.

I heard someone ask if women are going thru trying times.

Well, if your husband doesn't go to church, I think that's trying enough.

I have a feeling this girl is talking about me

Seriously!

Here you have this guy bugging your life, and you don't fancy him.

Then there's this other one you'd go to Baghdad for, and he doesn't even give a hoot about you.

Life's like that shaa.

The A/C of my car does not bring about increase in fuel consumption.

Yes, the sound of the engine changes when you put on your AC. That does not affect at all the rpm of your engine (unless it is not factory-fitted).

The fuel consumption of your car is a function of how many rotation per minute (rpm) your engine crankshaft does. The rpm of my car remains the same (900) when the engine is idling whether the AC is on or off.

If you mismatch a powerful compressor probably from a 2.0l engine to a 1.8l engine, ofcourse it will draw the engine down and burn more fuel.

1. Compatibility: Both parties must be compatible. Very important.

2. Communication: There must be seamless and honest communication between both parties at all times, even after a fight (especially after a fight)

3. Sacrifice: Each party must be ready and willing to sacrifice at some point during the relationship.

Love will develop when these three aspects exist.

Jesus was quite clear on how to pray. However, our born-again christian brothers and sisters nowadays believe that channeling their prayers into 150dB loudspeakers facing my bedroom at 5am every morning, and snapping their fingers simultaneously like T-Pain would make the Lord Almighty hear their prayers.

Sometimes i wonder if God has a hearing problem.

I vividly remember that each time I need something done by someone, all i need do is approach him/her and ask him/her politely in a very low tone. he/she ususally assents to my request. I wonder why people resort to having a chat/sending a message to God (a spiritual being) by shouting and jumping up and down like Daddy Showkey as a sign of reverence/respect.

Jesus was also clear about loving our friends and enemies alike. When you bind and cast them into the sahara desert, it probably displays an unending love for both your enemies and the unfortunate inhabitants of the Sahara.

Even our forefathers knew better.

The value of a woman who cannot cook is the gross worth of her value in between the sheets.
I know marriages end in infidelity. Yet to hear of one that ended out of hunger except it led to death.

The way to a man's heart has been relocated from the stomach to the crotch.

Our Client, A Niger Delta Militant Group With Branches In Strategic
locations throughout all the six South-South states of Nigeria is
seeking 
to expand its operations to Abuja, the Federal Capital territory. This     
expansion has brought about vacancies for qualified and experienced
young 
officers. The positions are:                                               
                                                                           
Area Head, Kidnapping:                                                     
                                                                           
The successful applicant who will report to the Executive Council, and
the
Executive Director, Abuja, is expected to possess the following           
competencies:                                                             
                                                                           
1) Minimum of 10 years experience in militant agitation. (Membership
of   
Al-qaeda, Hamas or other similar organisation will be an added
advantage) 
                                                                           
2) Fluent knowledge of Hausa, Ijaw, English, Italian and German           
                                                                           
3) Expert ability to distinguish between Oyinbos and Albinos               
                                                                           
4) Ability to swim in deep waters                                         
                                                                           
5) Ability to recognise fake/marked naira notes by sight                   
                                                                           
6) Ability to easily recognise all Senators and Ministers of the
Federal   
Republic of Nigeria.                                                       
                                                                           
Evidence of previous successful kidnap of BIG MEN must be provided         
(pictures preferable)                                                     
                                                                           
                                                                           
Photographer:                                                             
                                                                           
1) Minimum of 5 years experience taking photos in war zones. (Domestic     
fights do not qualify as war zones for these purposes)                     
                                                                           
2) Proficiency in the use of explosives as camera lighting.               
                                                                           
3) Knowledge of the different skin tones of expatriates, as an aid to     
taking high-quality pictures, is a must.                                   
                                                                           
4) Proficiency in the use of Adobe Photoshop, and Internet photo
uploading
software is a must.                                                       
                                                                           
Please include a portfolio of previous photo-samples (must contain         
kidnapped persons OR be taken in war-zones OR be nightshots in
blackspots 
like Oshodi, 3rd Mainland bridge, Apongbon, etc)                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
Militant Trainee:                                                         
                                                                           
1) Candidates must be between the ages of 13 and 50, be at least 4m
tall, 
and may be male or female.                                                 
                                                                           
2) Minimum of Nursery School/Kindergarten certificate.                     
                                                                           
3) Jobless university graduates, and serving policemen will be given       
special consideration.                                                     
                                                                           
4) Possession of jungle boots and face mask is a must.                     
                                                                           
5) Preference will be given to persons with knowledge of foreign
European 
languages, and persons with the ability to swim.                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
Renumeration:                                                             
                                                                           
Very attractive, competitive, and comparable with industry standards       
(payments in foreign currencies).                                         
                                                                           
Official guns, boats and grenades will be provided.                       
                                                                           
Excellent training, involving offshore secondment (Iraq, Afghanistan
etc) 
from time to time                                                         
                                                                           
Regular appearance on CNN, Alaaroye, Time Magazine, The Economist and     
other International magazines.                                             
                                                                           
Excellent networking opportunities with Nigerian politicians, oil         
magnates, and foreign businessmen.                                         
                                                                           
                                                                           
Interested applicants should forward their applications and detailed       
curriculum militae within two weeks to:                                   
militant-recruitmen t@OsamaConsulting.com

moved to jokes section
sorry folks

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-58394.0.html

She comes each time I want her to.

Thrice last night,
twice the night before;
once over the phone while we talked dirty;

It all depends

This is a true story of a woman that once caught her husband on top of their 15-yr old housegirl.

The man usually sneaks out at night (assumedly to the bathroom) for approximately 20 minutes or thereabout. Their bedroom is not en-suite. The wife noticed this, thought the man probably was having some sleepless nights, and needed some quiet time to himself, all with the excuse of going to the bathroom. She had also noticed that the housegirl seems to tremble whenever she serves them meals. It seemed like something was frigthening the girl.

She stalked the man one faithful night and caught him on top of the girl behind the settee in the sitting room.

Any other woman would have raised thunder and lightening. This woman instead calmly called the girl, who at that time had started crying and was shaking like a leaf. She told her to take her bath, and then invited her to sleep on the man's side of the bed till the next morning. She found out that her husband had threatened to deal with the girl should she reveal what was going on.

In the morning, she took the girl shopping to buy some clothes and a travelling bag, and thereafter sent her back to the village, apologising on behalf of the husband for what had happened.

Within two months, this man lost his pot belly (guilty conscience), couldn't look her wife in the eyes, lost all sense of dignity and respect. The wife never discussed the issue with the man and still cooks for him. This couple still leave together as of today. You only need to be told this story to realise why a once agile, aggressive, domineering, chauvinistic man all of a sudden turned into a docile, calm and quiet husband that he has become today.

That's the strenght of a real woman in action. But it's not easy.

If you still love your husband, try to forgive him. But do that only once. Check if he's got HIV too.

Another Nigerian making waves and setting a new Indian record.

Should I be addressed as a terrorist, I could:

1. Call the person a terrorist too.
2. Issue a fatwah on his/her head (be it an e-fatwah).
3. Ignore the person.

No. 3 works pretty well in cyberspace. The basic pleasure in calling someone names lies in knowing that the person feels so bad about it, and is raging as well as a result.

The worst aspect is that the person completely ignores you so much so that you feel like you're just wasting your time calling names.

First of all, I think the caption of this thread is quite eronneous and ironic. It actually states that 99% of Nigerians are corrupt and dubious.

That goes to say that in a family of 5 (parents and 3 kids), the parents and 2 kids are corrupt and dubious, while the last kid is almost entirely corrupt (save for perhaps one of his eyeballs, or his tooth) .

No doubt, this country has her own fair share of corrupt and dubious characters that span across age, social and political status, and profession. That does not make 99% any close to the actual figure.

Corruption is a vice we all have to fight individually and collectively, by first saying no to it and abstaining completely from it.

I wonder how many of us know that the present US Attorney General (Gonzales) nearly succeeded in coercing a signature from his predecessor John Ashcroft (drugged and hospitalised  on his hospital bedside). That signature would have authenticated the controversial NSA phone tapping programme. The same man was later endorsed by Bush as Ashcroft's successor. No one seems to focus on these issues because America is inhabited by angels and saints.

vasectomy,

that may happen if her husband catches you near her.

move on. there are many fishes in the lagoon.

I have a feeling this guy has broad shoulders, is 6'2" tall, and looks like Morris Chestnut.

One man's meat,

I wish my fiancee (whenever I find her) would be as rich as Dangote.

In as much as it's never good to pay evil with evil, I think you should try and flirt sometime soon. Cheat on your boyfriend for a change. You'll feel better thereafter.

Tell each girl that you've got two other girls at your neck. Then sit back and observe their individual reactions. The one that stays back (if any) irrespective of what you just told her, should be strong enough to stand by you and defend her own.

my ability to think, reason and take action.

if i lose that, i may as well put on the wooden overcoat

@Annabel; is that ur pix u've got in ur profile?
[size=5pt]sorry guys, I'm digressing a wee bit, but I'm on a hot leash[/size]

damnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!

when did u leave manchester?

cherish:
Can enybody explain this to me " my girlfrind told me last 2weeks that
her relationship with me, we soon over, very soon". i though it was
joke untill i called her today, it seem she really mean it. please help me
because i still love her, we 've being in this relationship for the past 3 years
and we truely love each other even her family. am confused i don't
know what to do

Ain't you lucky!?

At least she hinted you. The element of shock and suprise has been removed. Saves you a lot of wahala and confusion.

She's already got an alternative. The warning basically imples she has nothing in particular against you, she just wants out. Most guys get that information via text message or a call from the other guy's phone.

Time to move on, roughen up and learn your lessons.

Pearlyseed,

I think you have to be patient. Not every relationship ends in marriage (I already assume that's your goal in all this). However, when that becomes the case, both parties usually get the hang of it at some point. You will both feel the chemistry and that spark at the right time. However, it's left for you to decide how long you're willing to wait for it. It is not unknown for couples to be friends for a long time, then date for 1-3yrs before getting married.

You may feel it's time to take the relationship to another level. He may not. So I suggest you maintain status quo and watch things carefully without putting undue pressure on him. I have no doubt that there are other 'friends' in his life. This is reality show here.

Also, remember that friends mustn't date, and are not barred from dating other people. So, if I were you, I would also make other 'friends'. If his doesn't work out like you expect, you can move on.

Life is too short. Make the best of it. But know what you want. Sorry to say, but some people don't.

Goodluck!