Kobojunkie:
The problem is there is no evidence to even show that spanking helps ensure society a better place really. It could be argued that well over 90% of kids in Nigeria were spanked at one time or another yet that places remains the jungle it is and all those kids grow up into the adults that inhabit that society today. So what does that tell you? That spanking is a solve all?

And you say, you were taught with "Biblical specific values"...what does the Book of Proverb say, about 'sparing the rod"?

Spanking is definitely not a "solve all" way of correcting a child, it is always good to use it as "last resort" to correction, if all others fail.

Kobojunkie:

um . . . .Yes . . .. ewwww . . . your body created it .. . . ewwww . . .. poo is the food that went into your mouth to begin with .. . ewwww . . .. yeah . .. eeeewww... . .

Go and sit down....it was food, but no longer food...and that is why it is called "s/hi/t, igbe, nshi, kashi...

Kobojunkie:

um . . . please stop!

If your powers in your eyes were that intense, wouldn't that then mean you wouldn't even need to spank at all?

Kobo..learn to be real and stop pretending....my son just turned 2 this past saturday...and boy!!!!! he knows when mama is not in the mood....all i have to do is ""give him that stare" without uttering anything and he stops. A parent has to device different means of correcting a child, not only by yelling, spanking or punnishment....even spanking a boy at that age, is just torture...because where will i hit and where will i leave? Sometimes i ask him, "if he wants to go upstairs?" and he shakes his head!!!!

Kobojunkie:

Sorry, but what you have above have NOTHING to do with common sense . . . You don't get to tack on the "common sense" badge on anything you come up with. There are tests it has to pass. So,sorry, what you have there does not work . . . again . .
It is so easy for you to make these claims here because you probably have never had to help someone else who was disabled and you needed to wipe them down and wash them and all. Common sense is that it does not matter what hand you use. What matters is that you wash that hand, left or right before you eat.

Going by your "common sense" logic up there, those who are born left handed are screwed, or don't you see that??

I don't understand how someone will use his/her right hand to wipe his/her azz.....it is disgusting to even imagine it. But the truth is people do it and the world has not come to an end because of that....how many people will follow you into the toilet when you do your business? Though it is just nasty....ewwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!! Nasty!!!!!!!!!!!****puking*****

Sagamite: This is the rubbish their schools have turned to:

"The deputy headmaster sat down with the boy on the floor of his office and repeatedly told him to calm down as he shouted and screamed in “an incandescent rage”."

Like if these teachers' time cannot be better utilised.

You gat to be kidding me!!!! one look from me, will stop him from screaming.....it is obvious the boys parents did not train him well, if a 7 year old boy can be misbehaving to this extent, i wonder what he will do when he turns 14? be beating and exchanging blows with his dad for sure!

Aww nice!!! going to take a shower after a nice dance workout.....

I am dancing to "kabakaba"...oya do kabakabakaba"...oya sare kabakabakaba (shaking everything)...from there i am going to dance to "chop my money"....nice makosa dancing....some people dey fume....who cares? and i will dance to "olu maintains..."nawty"....na mi biko..some people will sleep with headaches tonight.....

aribisala0:

You and who.

What is your business with my daughter or family

If that is how you talk to people on Nairaland don't bring it near me. Note my name very well

Your mother and father will cry and will not stop crying till they die.

BACK TO THE SENDER....I can see that you have been followed by your villagers....go and eat the amala and ewedu that has been prepared for you and stop crying over Ronkebp's post. Oni kan se!!!....go and make more money and stop exposing your hairless and abless chest. I said i will not indulge you and i mean it.

aribisala0:
Why bring my daughter into Do you know her.if you don't care what I think just ignore it
You should learn to be civil . Anyway I don't blame you I blame your church rat father and mother for producing an even hungrier rat.
Luis vuitton Ko Prada Ni
No amount of Vuitton or Versace will change a rat into a cat

If i say i should trade words with you, you will cry....i did not insult you, i only said save it for your daughter, abi if you are advising me a total starnger upon "nothing" what will you say to your daughter upon "something"? really? no need to cry over split milk. I will not indulge your rantings. Face your wife and your life...let us not derail this thread. Man!!!

aribisala0:
Look everyone does pretty much the same so that does not qualify you for a National Award.
My point is not every Nigerian is privileged to afford to GIVE GIFTS in fact MOST cannot and they are still happy.


For many such women a good husband provides food shelter healthcare and education for his family. That is the Koko.
You have made so much fuss about it that I really don't buy this contentment yarn coming from you.

No one can love you more than yourself and I see you need to do that more.
To me all those things you mention wedding anniversary,birthday,Valentine Gifts etc are just self indulgence and a means of dealing with self esteem issues.If you are truly rich why should you care if you don't receive gifts.It certainly is not evidence of a rich spirit.
You seem to sugget you can satisfy a person with "things" and you can go all out to satisfy your man. I have seen that kind of love many times when it does not get its way it turns really nasty. Quite scary!

I have told you, save your story for your daughter....i don't care what you think.

jay bee:
What if he doesn't, would he have failed his duties has Mr Ronkebp just because of his stance with regards to money?
Most people on this thread agree that it's necessary for us men to show love however way we can. We just frown when we are lead to believe how love can only be quantifiable by the amount of money we give to our better half

I know my hubby's pocket. so demanding for what he can"t afford will be crazy and unrealistic....infact the way he will look at me says volume. And to burst all yah bubbles...i have never asked for anything from my hubby...well maybe a Louis-vuitton when he asked me what i wanted for valentine.....he knows what to do....i don't even bother about my bills or other things...he takes care of them and shows me extra love....whatever he does, is first and foremost to make me happy...even though we have our own misunderstandings and disagreement....financially, emotionally, physically and everyother -allys' we click 100%.

aribisala0:
i don't need millions in the bank.
I am VERY happy with what I got .
You have a Parvenu mentality and so judge your value and others' by financial value



I recommend Tiger Woods to you because I can see you have EYE INSECT.

....na real "eye insect"...my dear i know what i want in my man, i am not a pretender....i can go all out to satisfy him and i expect him to do the same as long as it is within his powers and i am so contented with whatever he "gives" me.

aribisala0:
I know the only story you understand is money.
Tigerwoods has been working so hard making it
.
Oya go and take
Paris ko Honolulu ni

why can't you be making it like Tiger woods, does he have 10 heads, how will you burn those fats, if you don't exercise and turn it to millions in the bank? hmmmm?

sleekdot:

And what would you do for your husband in return?

Would you also take him to Paris, Buy him stuffs for birthday and valentine, Pay for him to go watch his favourite football team

Or Are you in the school of thought that all giving should be from the man?

if both sides are giving equally then no problems

Ask my husband if you see him....what i have given him in monetary terms, he can't add them up..the calculator will read "error"...

the giving should be "mutual".

Story!!!! you never can trust this so -called authorities when Nigerians are involved,....

aribisala0:

This is funny ,is it only wife you buy gifts for? what of friends brothers cousins neighbours etc. If you have the means you will buy gifts for all manner of people. What you seem to be saying is the man must have the means to do all these things. How many young people finishing NYSC are in such a position? But our women want a to marry IBB's son forgetting their own father rides Okada
The starting point is this NOT EVERYONE IS RICH so let us keep it real.

the problem is many women seem to want to marry a man who is already "MADE" without any suffering which is just greed.Certainly if you started out together from the beginning and built wealth together you will think and act as one

Marriage is a serious business and the main purpose of marriage is to raise a family which for most people is a struggle. All this Paris and Pampering busines is a reality for a tiny number of people and for most is fantasy,

Most people never fly to Paris for Romantic weekends etc but those who can do such things as a family if they have kids. Clearly you don't have a family mentality but are thinking me me me .
In a real family a man cannot do for himself without doing for family but where the relationship is open They both know how much they have and what they can afford for housing ,schooling,health and of course SAVING. In such a situation the question of Husband doing for wife does not arise. "They are One" and they either drink garri together or eat oysters together.


Gifts have nothing to do with marriage because you are now one with a commonwealth so buying gift for my wife is like buying gifts for myself.

Balderdash!!!!too much unwarranted story....

naijababe:

No it isn't, if i make millions and my husband makes thousands, there's nothing he can give me that I can't buy myself. Stressing to buy me things I probably do not need is needless. Personally I do not care for men whose only way of showing me they care is spending me.

There are a thousand and one things a man can do for a birthday, anniversary etc.

To each his/her own....i love my hubby enough to be able to accept anything that comes from his heart to give me, no matter how small or how i can afford it.

stillwater: ^^^Lol. But that is what caring is all about, it doesn't have to be monetarily based. Although it's just common courtesy to hold the door for someone coming behind. I'll take this over a razz nkwobi-loving man that feels doling out cash makes him all that.

My dear...i get you, what is the use of a "chukwu "dat has money with no affection and a "dayo" that has affection and no money... in the long run they will end up the same way....it has to be balanced to "an extent".

chic2pimp:

1)Random Compliments,hugs and Kisses

2)Squeezing of Hnads, saying "I love you" and whispering sweet nothings into her ears

3) Preparing Dinner and also Breakfast in Bed for her

4) Words of Encouragement and Advice

5)Taking a keen Interest and asking how their day went

That's in addition to what Dayo wrote......I could go on and on

Nice list, i love the breakfast in bed .....but still you guys do not see anything wrong in not being able to spend freely on your wife it just beats me. Just so we are clear....i do not support young women living on the pockets of their lovers, it is really none of my business what they do with their lives, and the men dishing out money to them. But in a case where you have married, and let your wife be making millions more than what you as a man is earning...that man has to be able to spend on his wife, it is part of showing you care, showing you care for someone, can be emotional, spiritual, financial, physical (where the holding of hands, hugs and kisses falls under), social, psychological etc. If you are only good in the physical aspect of the relationship alone, what of other apsects?.

stillwater:

I think this is one of the rare times I would agree with you. And e dey pain me for body.

My dear don't be deceived all na for show!!!!

dayokanu: To show your wife you love her

1. Show her respect: Never talk down on her whether in public or private, open, and hold, doors for her, let her always enter before you, and standing up for her when someone insults her.

But to the naija women, You can insult all their lineage as long as you buy them Blackberry you are loving

2. Show her romance. touch her face, kiss her, hug her, and one that’s important but also usually one of the first things to be forgotten – soul gaze. A random text, a random phone call, you could leave her a small notes telling her how much difference she has made in your life.

But to the typical naija women they would say shey na romance I go chop.

3. Show respect to her Family; Hold her values high dont talk down her people or friends

But to the typical Naija woman as long as money no follow nothing for you

4. Never forget to tell your wife the specific difference she has made in your life and why you want to continue being with her. Compliment her for the things you see in her.


And a million other things

so in all this things you have written....your wife does not deserve gifts for her birthday, valentine or your wedding anniversary....if she asked, then she is a leech?....you cannot take her to the spa and pay for her to be pampered? you can not fly her to paris (city of love) just to tell her i love you. you have not mentioned anything monetary in all you have written, even if i get it that you "think" you have the rudiments of what it takes to get married...you still do not see anything wrong in not being able to spend on your wife without you seeing her as a leech you don't abi

Indeed!!! like you really do or will do all this things.....i laugh in swahili...you are a typical naija man....stop pretending...."open the door for her let her go in first.." like you actually do that.

aribisala0:

What an unfortunate mentality.
This remark is so embarassing I don't know where to start.
How do parents show their kids they care how do kids show their parents they care? how do friends show each other they care
How do neighbours show each other they care. I know who my real friends are and it has nothing to do with money.

When you need a kidney transplant and someone steps up and says you can have one of mine,that is caring to the highest. Real caring is NOTHING to do with silly baubles but is a spiritual quality which some people NEVER develop. The statement how do you show you care if not by buying me presents tells me ONE the speaker is young ,immature and very egocentric. More likely than NOT when I spend money on a woman for HAIRDO kind of things it is because I don't care about her but about 5ex.
Like I said earlier the adult Nigerian woman is fixed in her dependent thinking what is important is to empower our daughters.

No need for long turenchi.....answer the question without trying to psycho-analyze my post....how will you show your wife you care for her..Dayo has listed two for you...continue...abi that is all you "generation of literate Naija men" have to offer You have a woman (your wife) assume all things are equal, how will you care for her? abi is your wife part of the leeches Naija is beginning to breed? i hope not.

dayokanu: So the way to show your wife you care is by Spending money?

I guess MKO Abiola must be the most caring man in the history of Nigeria?

Na real wa. I now think the problem is really deeper than you think.

i would think some women would say they dont care about the money just spending time with them is cool, Doing things together shows care.

I know several women who would even take offence at you trying to buy them stuffs because they consider it offensive and you trying to monetize their affection

naija women, I hail ooo

NA you sabi....i asked that you list how you will show "your wife" that you care for her....ojebi, don't spend time with her, another man will be doing that on your behalf, without stress. So because someone gets offended because you buy them gifts "always" without showing them any "iorta of love", means they do not want gifts at all....rationale of a stingy man.
list what you will do for your wife, to show her that you care. simple as ABC!!!!!

chic2pimp:

Does caring about an individual mean you've got to spend money?
I don't get it, are they Inter related?

my question is very simple.....list it, whether it involves money or not.

Whatever!!!!! yawns!!!!!!how do you show your wife that you care about her? forget girlfriends for a second now, tell me how a married man will show his wife he cares about her.

coogar:
you're missing one fundamental point. it's legal in america, it's illegal in nigeria.
how can nigeria have more people doing abortion illegally than america where the process is legal? in a nutshell, if abortion was legal in nigeria, it would be 800 per 1000 women per year.

whether it is legal or not, abortion is still abortion. let me in to the number of young girls in secondary schools and high schools that are no longer virgins or are baby-mamas, that is what i asked.

coogar:
no need for the ad hominem sniping......concentrate on the issue, leave personal attacks out of it...
you're not blind - you have seen various news here on nairaland of fathers molesting their daughters, etc.

i am talking from my own personal view and experiences, you are evading the question, did you do it or not? it is a simple yes or no question.

coogar:
and britney spears is a virgin.....

you can believe whatever, it will not change the price of palmoil in the market....

coogar:
keep your eyes on the matter, leave personal issues out of it.
i can understand this is your way of evading the questions posed to you....you claim not to have seen any parent beating his child before
in nigeria. even my rooster is laughing at this claim.

why not answer the question, you are the one running away from it. answer the question.

coogar:
roflmao!
admitting the discipline system is wrong is the first step to recovery! you can deny these things till cows come home but i won't tow that line.

what discipline is wrong? and how many parents treat their kids like this supposed "animals"....like i said before, i don't know what happens in other people's home, but in my house ooooo, we children are loved, respected and disciplined when necessary....and that has not made us to get a room in "ward 7".

dayokanu:

If you read her post it was that its a requirement for her bf to pay for her hairdo and her other expenses.

I can give my gf anything she wants on my own volition not as a demand or she takes it to be her right. the moment you start demanding handouts as a pre-requisite for love or relationship then that fellow is no better than a PAY AS YOU GO hooker, only that the hooker is more honest with her intention and not masking it under the veil or relationship, marriage, dating ot whatever romantic nomenclature

story!!!! i do not blame her, i can't stand a guy that does not have initiatives, please buy me gifts and spoil me if you have the wherewithals, if you don't, buy me puff-puff, i will eat it with love and make sure you add pure water ontop...would not want to choke on the puff-puff....you have no initiatives is equal to a stingy man in my dictionary....if i complain as my boyfriend about my needs, it is because i have someone to talk to, if i cannot talk to my boyfriend or fiance about my needs, then that is no relationship....do i want you to foot my bills when i talk to you about them, no!!! but you as a man will have to listen and ask me how i want to go about meeting them. It just goes along way to show that you care.

coogar:
as at 1997, 610,000 abortions take place in nigeria every year between the age of 15-44. only 40% are carried out by qualified physicians.
abortion is prohibited in nigeria yet 25 women per 1000 go through the process every year. in america where abortion is not illegal, 23 per
1000 women under go abortion each year. have i answered your question?

Good figures, 25 to 23, now how many teenagers are parents, give me that ratio, american to nigerian teenagers, thank God it is 25 per 1000 women, the figure is not so bad, at first i thought it would be 750 per 1000 women. mind you, you said 15-44, i was talking about 13-19 years of age.

coogar:
i think you are buying into the hypocrisy in nigeria and you mistake it for decency.
if i sample 100 female students in ss2. at least 90 of them must have had sex through their uncles, cousins, neighbours, etc. did you not see the 13 yr old girl humping a 6 yr old boy some months back in a wretched bathroom? i bet their parents would also swear at okija shrine that
the kids are virgins.

How many of your cousins have you slept with, (i direct the questions back at you because i want to start from you as an individual) and how you have also contributed to the hypocrisy, how many of your nieces have you disvirgined? and how many of your neighbours daughters have you slept with? Personally i have not had those experiences.

coogar:
is that where it ends? you didn't see teachers beating up kids in school like domestic animals?

My school was "girls" only...so did not see where anyone was beaten like an animal

coogar:
so using koboko to beat up children is not physical abuse?
keep lying to yourself.....

so your parents used koboko on you? hmmm!!! i know where the beaf is from and why you think training kids the Nigeria-way is wrong.

coogar:
i rest my case!

what case? what is the validity of that aritcle, for all i care it might have been copied from other sources that have been outdated...that means nothing.

Kobojunkie:
I can tell you one thing, I did not learn any of your Nigeria-specific values. I was raised on values that you find in such places as the Bible, and turns out most every country in the world knows of many of them.

And what are these bible specific values, that before the Bible came to Africa, Nigerian parents were not teaching their kids?

Kobojunkie:
There is something terribly wrong in doing something, over and over, without stopping to check if it is really getting you the results you think it should. In the last 50 years, divorce rate, even among those in the village has steadily risen, even with all the "Training for marriage" Nigerian parents(our parents and their grandparents) have done. In that time we have also come to realize that what the system we have had has done was create in our women, a sense that they are second class citizens defined in many ways by their marriages and nothing much else.

it depends on how you see the training or teachings, for example, my mum taught me how to cook well because the food is the way to a man's heart", she taught me how to clean the home, because cleanliness is next to godliness, (she did not teach me how to have s/e/x though) but made mention countless times on how to satisfy my husband sexually,she taught me how to behave in certain situations, i am a woman and my mum should be able to teach me things i should know when i eventually get married. I have a brother whom is also being taught how to be a responsible man and how to help out with some of the chores at home....so all the lessons i have learnt so far has made me a second class citizen? Do you think we do not have our responsibilities as a woman/mother in the home? since you were taught Bible-specific values you should know what the Bible (Proverb) says about what qualities a "virtuous woman" should possess.

Kobojunkie:
You tell me cause you are the one who claims for security and safety, you would rather they not stay out late, and I only used my person as example. I had no fear of the night, which was just like the day back then really.

Aarrggh!! I see, so this is born out of fear that you cannot trust your female children to be just as responsible as your male children, am I right?

Even if we have policemen leaving in every corner and the safety is such that, you can actually sleep in the house in Nigeria or anywhere for that matter with your doors open and no one will disturb....there is nothing my kids will belooking for as long as they still live under my roof, outside, anything passed 7.00pm...that is just the way i feel about it... if staying outside till late will avert fear in them, they should better remain afraid or fearful.

Trust female children? my dear it is not all about female children, so boys cannot keep bad companies and start to smoke marijuana at a tender age? it has nothing to do with being male or female....but come to think of it, who is more vulnerable, the male or females?

coogar:

that's the crux of the matter....the dishonesty!
at least in the west, the hookers tell you what they do and they don't hide their vices...in nigeria, you won't get the truth from them.
there are decent men in naija....plenty of them. you mean to tell me those girls dunno those 50 year-old aristocrats don't have their own wives and children somewhere uptown? why do they still sleep with them?

That is the world we live in now, deal with it. we have dishonest men and women everywhere, if you happen to fall prey to one, good luck then.

dayokanu: ^^ Ronke,

There has been prostitution from the days of Adam. And people then knew when you need express service you go to red light districts

The complaint is about men who want good girls but get pseudo redlight girls.

If I go to Allen or Akin Adesola at 10pm to pick up girls, I know what I am getting but when I go to Church, weddings and normal places I dont expect to pick up prostitutes who want money for their services.

How would a guy who met an Oil company worker know he is dealing with a PAY AS YOU GO?

I did not comment on that thread, because i would have been fighting too many people, so you think "a man " who has a girlfriend, cannot pay for her hair....now means she is a pay-as-you-go kind of a chic? what is the big deal, to take my boyfriend to the barbers and pay for his hair-cut even if i know that he has the money? would heaven have fallen if i did that, what is wrong in giving each other gifts every now and then? A man that cannot take care of his girlfriend and sees her as pay-as-you-go, will eventually see his wife as pay-as-you go.

coogar:
whilst their naija counterparts are laughing their way into abortion clinics, taking paraga and other dirty substances to flush out their fetus....
abegggi, be realistic.

i can see you are part of the men that have impregnated them and led them to abortion clinics , go to a secondary school, sample 100 female students in lets say ss2. and also sample 100 female students in America( for example) in 11th grade, and tell me the number of virgins in each school, when you have successfully done that, then tell me what the results are, if not you have not said anything.

coogar:
that's the point....if america have the same vices as nigeria, why then do nigerian parents apply strict discipline to restrict their kids?
what's the essence if there's no marked difference?

what is the essence of what? of training your kids? what is wrong in using strict discipline to an extent on a child? oh so because you were asked to kneel down and hands-up and pick-pins as a measure of discipline is now termed "abuse"?

coogar: stop abusing the children! that's the approach.
there's no point wasting muscles on these kids when we all know they are still going to behave like the kids of developed countries who don't get caned or punished severely...

and who is abusing their children? were you abused as a young boy?.....my parents never abused their kids in any way and i really have not come in contact with any parent in Nigeria that physically abused their children, only if i watch them on tv or like the lady that her pictures were displayed on NL sometime ago that beat her son to the point of "no recognition"...Any Nigerain trained adult here on NL that has been really abused by his or her parents should come out and say so.