₦airaland Forum

Kobojunkie: Actually, you cannot just make up your own facts and then tell us it applies to all. Either you can show what you are saying even exists beyond your mind, or you accept it is likely just a crock of bull. . . . To declare that there are Nigeria-specific "VALUES" out there(note: not training method) you will at leasat need to show that these values do exist.

you said you grew up in Niaja, what values did you learn or did not learn. no need getting sentimental, tell us your experiences and we will go from there.

Kobojunkie: If only that were true, then you would apply the same standards to how you train your boys. But unfortunately we all know that this specific training seems to apply only to your daughters, and it is applied in such a manner as to continue propagation of the mentality that woman NEED TO DO THINGS to hold on to their men.

what is wrong in training a child (a female daughter) how to keep her home and hold on to her husband? tell me what is wrong in that.

Kobojunkie: I did not tell you kids are animals. You are the one who complained that Western kids get a jolt when screamed at but Nigerian kids are generally so hardened that they screaming at them does not even register on their "I CARE" meter.
You would need to tell us what is abnormal in letting a child grow up with no fear. I had much the same freedom growing up in Nigeria and I grew up into a sensible adult.

so staying out till 11.00pm is 'growing up with no fear", so that was or is the reason behind letting teenage kids to stay out late at night? So your parents gave you so much freedom as a female child in your teenage years in Nigeria, to stay out till midnight? oh!! i see!!

queensmith: So what you are saying is we should take pedophiles into consideration when dressing our female children? . . . . . .. . . WOW!

How do you want to dress your female or children or how do you want them to dress?

coogar: ok..fair enough!
but is this really "control" when it's well documented that the naija young girls are more promiscuous than their counterparts in the usa/uk who had no restrictions to dress whichever way they want?

really? did not know that Naija teenager are more promiscuous, i do not know how they came about that figure or analysis?, when majority of the "black teenage girls" in america have kids, majority of them (both whites and blacks) are on birth control pills.

coogar: of course, they were taught but the strict discipline(naija values) is ineffective if they were taught and they refused to learn from what is being taught. how do we know a different approach wouldn't produce better results in shaping these kids? you then mention your little commuinity....you mean there are no robbers in your community? there are no girls who run after men for money in your community?

oh please forget about armed robbery and prostitutes, like i said, which coutry does not have them, America does,we have drug peddlers too here so what is your arguement. Every country has it's own problems. Does that mean that there are still no good ones that were trained in the same manner and still turn out well?

coogar: whether they were taught to live a decent life is not in question but rather how these lessons were taught......no one is saying kids shouldn't be taught how to be decent....the question is what methods are being used to train these kids? the military approach has not worked in nigeria, it might have worked for a few minority but the vast majority have not learnt anything from the strict discipline.

So what approach work? to throw caution to the air, so is democracy now working for the whole country?

Kobojunkie: I hate when people try to run under the "culture" flag on this one. Do you realize that the so-called culture had women dressing in skimpy skirts and essentially bra tops for generations? Or are you lost on that one? From the East, to the West, to the North, Most every culture had their woman in attires that bared their midriffs and skits that were short enough to expose half of their thigh area.

Please go rent a copy of "Things fall apart", an Ogunde movie or "Maga na Jarise" abi, how do they spell that one.

so you want to compare then to now? you want to compare how virginity was really worshipped and expected then to now?

Kobojunkie: I think you were high when you decided to type the above statement . . . cause NO ONE WHO IS NIGERIAN would attempt to declare that there exists a race out there that things less of sex than Nigerians do, NO ONE!

I borrowed the "ganger" from you, well i did not see or hear any report about Naija guys, was referring to the CNN news i heard/listened to sometime ago and it was about the average "american teenager".

Kobojunkie: Like someone already pointed out. @Deol posted NOTHING Nigeria specific. That post was filled with what could be considered values in so many parts of the world, including the west. So, please let's not now pretend we have cracked this "NIGERIAN VALUES" Mystery.

whether you believe what any body says or not, that will not change the fact that Nigeria has it's own values, do not know how you were raised, but i was raised the Nigerian way, and i did not turn out bad and none of my siblings are turning out bad.

Kobojunkie: Parents in the west too do about the same. In fact, they even go a step further and teach their kids BOTH MALE and FEMALE, how to cook.

And it is funny, you brought us back to this "TRAINING FOR MARRIAGE" mentality which we have already discussed at leangth.

training for marraige is an aspect of "training for life"....
there is no-way you can detach that, even you do not comeout to say "oh, i am training you on how to behave in your husband's house", it is usually implied,it is always there.
I don't know where a parent here teach their kids how to cook, when they themselves do not cook, maybe you are talking about our mothers' generation, right now they are burger king, macdonalds, wendy's candidates/ generation.

Kobojunkie: Respect for elders applys every where on this planet. Westerners also teach their kids these skills. However,that Nigerians take it too far cannot be denied. I mean you have parents who, even in the west go as far as to demand that they be seen still as 'gods' to their kids and that to me is disturbing but then, I am not sure if that can be considered a value of any kind given we have no way of directly measuring that now.

Now to your claim that many of the kids here develop psychological problems when yelled at, that is because many of them were not raised as animals , and so when you try to treat them like animals, you create a problem.

Even some animals are not raised in that manner. You try yelling at a cat and you find it will jump in fright and run. So, that kids in Nigeria have been treated in such a way that they no longer react but have been conditioned to believe that is what they deserve. You find the same behaviour here with kids who are raised in similar ways. Go to parts of West Virginia, Alabama, and Texas and see.

so you think Nigerian kids are animals because they are being yelled at (i laugh in french) toh!!! that is why they will keep having kids that are not psychologically balanced, who will take a gun to school to kill all other kids because they do not have the proper training and upbringing that a normal child should have. When i watch the media or movies here, i do not any respect there. No one can tell me anything about respect, maybe in their homes, the kids are really disciplined, and again, what i see, tells volume.

Kobojunkie: Sorry but there is no general rule on this anywhere. The major reason why many people in Nigeria go indoor early is because the place is less safe. In the 80's we used to sleep outside in the yard till past 12 am. Try that today and you are asking for, in fact, inviting trouble.

And you think it is normal to leave a child outside till 11pm, forget safety and security....what will a teenager be doing outside till 11.00pm?

queensmith: at a point, you really have to sit down and ask yourselves questions about any culture or religion. Its ridiculous to excuse anything by saying 'that is how it's done' and to negatively label what should be common sense as 'western' and use this as an excuse to remain primitive.

Why exactly are the girls told to cover up? what is the rationale behind it? Its nothing to do with decency, the women fear losing their husbands to young females and the men want to excuse not being able to control themselves.
Since the mentality is already being carried that women are weak we continue with this sort of thinking, you are supposed to stop and reason with yourself- if my daughter wants to wear a low cut top why should i stop her? If my daughter has beautiful legs and wants to show it who am I to say she can't? Why cant she show off her banging figure with tight dress she used her money to buy? Who dares to dictate to her what she should do with her own body? How exactly does her dressing harm anybody?

And also ask youself what is the rationale behind a girl of 13 saying she wants to wear "a low-cut top" or a "mini skirt". Why does she want to dress in such manner? when she can conveniently wear clothes that can cover her private-parts well.
when you start to have kids, your thoughts would be about "protecting" them and not exposing them to vultures and lions, who will profess unnecessary affection or love to them because of their looks and the fact that they want a piece of the pie.

coogar: so the leaders and politics are the reason university chics sleep with men old enough to be their grand-dads? the reason naija men delve into armed robbery?
come on - stop kidding me. you wouldn't convince a kid of 5 with that theory. the truth is the so-called naija values have been pretty ineffective! kids are just scared of their parents/guardians.
i read the comparisons you made in your previous comment about young girls dressing too trashy in america. believe you me, naija kids want to dress like that too and they would if also given the chance.

1. You should know me by now that i do not "type" to convince anybody, i say my mind, if you like take it or leave it.
2. Naija young girls will definitely want to dress like that but the problem is "they are not allowed to" which is part of "control".
3. So because we have armed robbers here and there in nAIJA, it now means that they were never taught, anyways some parents are in the "know" that their kids are armed robbers oooo or cultist...and no one knows what is obtainable in other peoples' homes. I am talking for myself, my experiiences and what i have seen from other homes too, and even my little community.
4. When i made references to Naija politics and leadership, i was not saying solely that it was or is the reason behind misbehaviour among the youth. it is really palying a part in it. and what you personally become is in your hands, you were taught how to live a decent life, is not equal to you will learn or has learnt how to live a decent life.

coogar: but has this strict discipline worked in nigeria?
our country still ships the highest number of [color=#000000]p[/color]rostitutes to europe. the male youths are 419/yahoo-boys/armed robbers.
premarital sex is rife in the country - even worse than any of the developed countries you can mention.
so it begs the question - what is the essence of the naija value when it has not produced any positive impact amongst the youths?

Blame that on the leaders and politics, and just because we have a few bad eggs which will always be the case, does not mean that we still do not have our values. you should ask what the values were when young boys that have been taught in godly way, still join "cult" in the universities that will eventually take his life. Just because we have these ills in the Nation, does not mean that there are no good ones, infact a lot of good ones. which country does not ship out young girls for prostitution?. maybe (India).

for all those who have contributed to help this guy, God bless you abundantly....

Those still thinking about helping....please do, we need as many contributors as we can get.. remember God rewards a "cheerful giver"..God bless.

coogar: as for the other guys, it's the hypocrisy they cannot stand. they believe a materialistic babe should say she's materialistic and she's only in it for the cash/material gain.
naija babes are too pretentious. an aristo chic would look you in the eye and swore on her siblings she's a virgin. what the [color=#000000]f[/color]uck is that about?

Oh please, Coogar, spare me. they tell you what "you want to hear"....why would you see some of the girls and think they have "never had sex"....you should be expecting that from secondary school girls....

the same way some men like to lie to get the woman they want, is the same way the girls would lie to get the guys they want...so why crucify them? we have no decent men in Naija and you want to find decent girls i laugh in french.

Now lets talk about the dress-codes, hmmmmmmm!!!! in Naija, before you even step out of the house, you will here all these muslim fanatics (even those that are not fanatics) and some christians too, asking you if you have parents at home before you stepped out in that outfit? the little kids (especailly in the morth) will sing and clap their hands after that person. now you will call that "lack of civilisation", true, but we are not the westerners, we have our own culture and the ways we are expected to present ourselves in public. Here!!! OMG.....the kids cannot wait for "summer", you will see them wearing panties out all in the name of dressing warm. there was a time i was driving back from work and i just saw this two very young girls, say, 14 yrs of age, if you see what they wore all in the name of exercising, omo!!! that girl was lucky that she was not my daughter, just for the fact that she taught to dress that way; she will be recieving a nice dirty slap, without my spoken words, will know better than to step out in that manner, you will see them with their "cheeks" showing....hmmm!!!!! :

the average american teenager (boys) think about sex 24 hrs a day.....really?

Someone was asking what vaues Nigerians inculcate in their kids?

Not that i know many, but i will say the ones i know...Deols has said some. To start with the way westerners train or teach their kids is way-different from the nigerians....that one is for sure, even if the values are similar the methods used are different.

1. Majority of nigerian parents teach their female kids how to cook and be useful in the kitchen when they start living alone or for when they eventually get married, even if we have so many ladies that do not know how to cook now or do house chores, the reasons are not farfetched, did her parents train her well or was it the house girls that did everything?. majority of the weterners prefer to eat-out and maybe cook-up-easy-to-make sandwiches.

2. respect to elders, apart from being taught at home, not to talk back when they are being spoken to, the secondary schools do not play....my secondary school was a tough one, you dare not look at your seniors talk more of talking rudely to a teacher, teachers had the mantle of leadership, they could do and undo. Here, which teacher can really discipline a child as he/she should?. the parents will be bringing up hell if that happens. Imagine your parents talking to you and you stump your feet and leave before you are told to do so, infact that day you will ask who your real parents are?, and some people will call that abuse, that is why majority of the kids here have psychological problems, if they are yelled at once, they are dialling 911 agianst their parents.

3.Curfew: i really do not get the 11.00pm or 10.00pm curfews, they have here for their kids, their kids can be outside till 11.00pm, really? you gat to be kidding me, and you wonder why there are so many rape cases and teenage boys and girls are being murdered. what will a decent teenager be doing outside till 11.00pm....what type of friends are they keeping? anyways, in Nigeria i do not know any parent in their right senses that will allow their children to stay outside till 9.00 pm, infact in my house, if you are outside till 7.00pm, be ready to start answering questions on where you have been.

coogar: i like materialistic babes though. it makes it easier for some of us who are very busy with our jobs.
it's almost like hiring a hooker without a fixed price....no long stories, no hiccups.

it is best you taught the other guys that are complaining the advantages and disadvantages of using "materialistic babes". the benefits should be more. so that they will learn to grow-up and stop complaining.

coogar: their wives/spouses are complaining though....

Well good for them. that is what happens when you marry the men because of the money they have to "throw around" in the first place, they would always extend the charity work to others "in need".

hallus my favourite people!!!! how are we all doing..? Happy birthdat Mightlove, many more years in joy, abundance and good health...have fun ooo, do not count any calories today!!!


i have been doing great ooooo, i kinda increased my calories this week, been eating like crazy...cakes, rice, and cakes again, had a party for my son, so still eating the left over cakes, chicken (no get part two) in am not bothered though.

logs for saturday was 55 mins walk....(actually, walk-in-place) it was a dvd i bought).

sunday was yoga...loved it.
monday: 1hr of walking and jogging, took it out to the field this time around....i jogged for 2 minutes and walked for a minute, then i started with 30 seconds of jogging and 30 seconds of walking did that like 10 times. it was great loved it.
Tuesday: no exercise for me yesterday....my legs were still wobbling from the previous day's jogging.
so i am thinking of dancing some things out today...hopefully!!!

dayokanu: When a man dates an oil worker thinking she is financially responsible yet the leeching nature of Naija females come out again asking money for weaves and salon

A man who shared vows of for better for worse, yet the wife is asking if the husband deserve to eat.

FACT is majority of naija girls are leeches whose hopes of making it in life is attached to marrying a rich guy

Yes...Dayo, it will always be like that because "men" caused it. you will pay for the hair, buy her BB porsche, whether you like it or not. men started it, what are they complaining for? a guy on the 'ROMANCE SECTION" talked about how another guy who is just wooing his girlfriend bought her a car for her birthday. so what will you say to that?, do you know how some of these guys spoil their girlfriends?, who wouldn't want to be spoilt or pampered?. please stop complaining and just marry your akata or oyinbo jejely that will not be leeches... boys/men with the dough to throw around ain't complaining.

dayokanu: And its not the woman who despite working in a oil company decides the platonic friend should still pay for wash and set?

And its not a woman who told us that a husband who doesnt leave money for food regardless of the situation wont eat.

Since women have turned themselves into comodities that has a price tag why wont the men treat them as such? Leeches
As you call yourself would people address you

It will always be the men's cross when they leave responsible women to go with leeches, they will not have a choice but to pay for their hair, and other commodities with high price tags....do you have a choice than to deep your hands in your pockets and pay or get dumped by these leeches? so no need to complain, it is a world you have created, deal with it and stop whining.

dayokanu: Definitely everything must be from the men.

Women have no responsibilty. Ask why they cant get their lazy asss to work Its the men.

And it is not the men, that says ""oh, i don't want my wife to work, i can take care of all her needs" and when the needs become overwhelming, they start to cry.... just like the one that just found out his wife never went to the higher institution and still got married to her, because he has paid 800k for c-section, he is crying now.....abegiii, until when men learn how to control their "kongi and pockets" things will auger well.

LOL at thread..... @ poster, you never hala!!!!

Where else if not from the men? the men started this nonsense "paying and bribing their way up...and even down too'...so the women have seen easy ticket to everlasting feeding and showoff.

If the husband of the woman that posted her picture is not complaining....how is it affecting the viewer.. mind your business and lock your own wife in the closet, so because she is married her life is ultimately over

Sagamite: She, jennykadry, chaircover, Efe and ronkebp are all impatient sell-outs.

Because I do not want to marry now does not mean I might not choose to marry in future. They all went to get married.

At least stillwater and Ileke-Idi are still there sha. 15 more years and I might tie the knot with them.

Why wait when "the one" has found a "good thing"...which is me...

Thank you Tgirl....i really appreciate it.

I really do not know why my id was either blocked or banned on saturday....am sorry oooo, i kinda need an explanation for that, i want to know why it was banned and who banned me....thank you to whoever, who has taken it upon himself or herself to get back to me...since the owner of the website can do nothing about it.

lol at thread.....So this thread was dedicated to Sagachu-chu!!!(Tgirl is roving someone already let ur hubby catch you )......he must be doing something right!!!!the men are hating!!! He has officially become a terrorist on Nairaland.

To each h/heris own, i have been here a long time to know that i will not bring up my children the way they do here.

[quote author=Efemena_xy]Are you both supporting this woman because the unfortunate guy na Oyibo?? [/quote]Sagamite has answered you. ;0 ....i am not supporting her but she has carried out her job effectively....maybe i should hire/ employ her for my upcoming agency...which will be to; "milk" foolish rich men.

Can you imagine!!!! the guys parents should go into that ward with nice kpankere and flog that madness from him.

agiboma: At the end of the day their is nothing wrong with empowering young girls for success but we have to be careful of their living enviornment before we prepare them for failure and troublesome relationships with men. If i have a daughter and raise her in Nigeria i will definetly teach her self value and worth, I will let her see with her eyes the cultral and gender inequities that exist in Nigeria.

Sagamite, i just brought that up, this can be dissected into different thought process. her next sentence actually said she will want her daughter to be succeessful 'where ever" she may find herself. (nice)

An enevironment is very important in a child's upbringing, no doubt, but removing every other environment because she lives or resides there, is a no-no for me, a woman should be taught the right things. If the westerners have taught their kids well, there will not be a high-rate of divorce and the canker-worm eating their marraiges will no be there. A daughter should know her left from right irrespective of where she lives. I grew up in Niaja that does not mean i was taught to take the 'rubbish'( cheating, molestation, physical and verbal abuse) a man has to offer because he is sole provider or has 'decorated balls" between his legs. I won't take it in any land i find myself....no matter what the "norm" is in that land.

[quote author=Efemena_xy]Must be the handwork of a Nigerian woman, no other. Who else would take such undivided, devoted love as foolishness, to be trampled upon so??

Stories like this make our male chauvinists (ahem)... [size=1pt]Sagamite 'n Dayo[/size]... (ahem) bash the hell out of our fellow black women for being self-centred materialistic demons. And in this instance, I agree with them whole heartedly...

Treat them mean to keep them keen kind of philosophy here [/quote]The girl is doing her job...it is the man that was drooling over "bakassi" and now that same bakassi has turned him to a mad-man.

Sagamite: I don't see what is wrong with what aigboma said.

Is the doctrine and paradigm suggested by Kobo what Western woman practice? How many of them are successful and happy in life?

Relationships with men is really core to most women's existence whether they like it or not.

What is needed is jumping to the other side to educate the men in Africa on how to respect woman and treat them well. Absolutely nothing wrong with aigboma's philosophy.

All these woman are equal to men will always end in failure, am sorry to say.

God, through his representative, Baba Nature, is not and has never been politically correct.

I never said what she said was wrong, i don't just don't know how the traning of a Nigerian daughter should be different from that of the western countries. Irrespective of where you live, train your daughter well...so that where ever she finds herself, she will excel irrespective of the type of life that is being lived there. And i think that was what Kobojunkie meant.

Kobojunkie: You don't raise your children to fit the environment. If you are doing that, you are making sure to kill any dream for better life they may have. What you do is raise them to CHANGE THE STATUS QUO . . . CHANGE those norms that have helped make Women second-class citizens in that country. If not, all you are doing is breeding airsuckers . . .that will contribute more harm than good in the end to this planet.

Teaching a daughter good values should be considered essential no matter where you live but deciding to teach her to cook BECAUSE she is a girl, and because you EXPECT her to be able to cook for a man in the future, is you preparing her to be used by a man.

They say "train up your child the way you want, and when they are old they will not depart". You cannot plant cassava and expect to harvest cocoayam. If you sow seeds of inferiority into your daughter, essentially teaching her that she has to learn this and that for a man, then the rest of her life she will live thinking she has to do this and that in other for a man to love her.

You know, i thought of telling her this, but i just could not even bring myself to type a word.