₦airaland Forum

Your spouse??

Good morning all.

@ Hg, am happy for you, that is the change i am talking about.
@ Mightlove don't worry you will soon feel strong to start working out again, give your body enough rest oooo.

Log for yesterday, 30 minutes cardio kick boxing, lovely, felt so good after the work out. was not able to do the oblique twist, my son did not let me rest, he held on to my legs while i was kick boxing, was so particular about trying not to hit him mistakingly, Anyways, it went well, i love when i sweat during exercises, then i know i am burning some calories.

They will not come out, because only 1% of them are in abusive relationships.

@ Firearm, the posters wife, got what she deserved, ''embarassment'', because seriously, how can you confess all those things to a man and expect him to still be Sane?

jennykadry:
Lol, womennnn some things are better left unsaid. Which sane woman will give her husband a list of people she's slept with.

Ehn your mama say and pastor say, you still went ahead to marry her, she was good for fcukng but not good enough for marriage. Did you marry her at gun point?

Fight for your woman, divorce is not an option.

Jenny you can say that again, again and again!!!!! that woman na real ''basket mouth''.

^^^^^^^^ You have just made my day with your post GBIGBEGA, LET HIM BACK OUT NOW, after all, it is his life we are talking about here, if he does not have what it takes to hold his balls in his hands and take control of his relationship, too bad, he is running away from the contender, like i said earlier, you set the tone in your relationship, ''this is how i want it, and that is how it is going to be'', simple.

Now, if she refuses to comply, then it is a different story.

Abeg, make una see proper DEVIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wislet:
No wonder many marriages are seen as a joke. With many people having this type of mentality, no wonder men say some women are wicked.
Marriage has lost its respect and place.

Wislet, is it Nigerian men and their marraiges that you are defending like this It is the man, that i will personally blame, he was married and he knew it, but e no fit commot eyes from young girl, just because he wants a ''different flavour''. And he still does not want to leave her to live her life, all because they are into this business thing together, and maybe he knows how much she loves her job, what happened was in the past, i don't think she needs to be crucified, if she was not interested in this man, she would not have told him anything about her relationship, even if she don born for village, she will not tell him, if she does not want to.

She was not yet into him before she took him to meet the man now, am not sure she took him for approval, she just wanted to show the other man that she now has a boyfriend. Until the poster comes back and say, he spoke with her and she is not willing to make changes, then we can now sing a different song.

@ Moremi am soo with you on this one. YOu have said what was on my mind.

^^^^^^^ My dear, i know, it soo happened to me, when i first got to the States, come and see me doing good girl, that good girl stuff backfired, and it was as if, i should just go back to Naija, then i started defending myself with big time attitudes, till tomorrow all they think about is what i became, not what i was before everything started, the fault is never theirs' but always the fault of the '' foreigner'' (with African mentality).

@ Poster, Oh yes!!!!! you can be married and still live like strangers. Like Agiboma has rightly said, love is just an aspect of marriage, more or less like a foundation, imagine having a land, does that qualify as a house, if you do not physically build on that land Nope, so to me love in a marraige is that piece of land, that needs a solid foundation for a home to stand firm and strong, incase of fire, storm, hurricane, the house would remain.

kADARVA, don't be decieved, no need to be hostile to your MIL, after all that was her first time visiting, she needs to really get to know you and that will take sometime, especailly since you are from two different background, There is no need for the attitude, because if your hubby starts to notice that you are victimizing his mother, it will turn to a different story, Let your hubby do the defence, let him be in-charge, and just like Debrief asked, did you ask her to help you, i did not read your reply any where. You know, what most westerners do not understand is that most Africans, especially when leaving their native lands, would not come into a foreign land and be poking their noses into affairs that do not concern them, especially if they are getting different vibes from them. I was once a victim and i know what i am talking about. When she starts to take initiatives and do house chores and other things, that is when you will have something else to complain about, maybe she did not bathe the kids well or there is too much salt in the food, or she vacuums too much and the electricity bill is getting higher and so on and so forth.

Hello everyone,

Babs, hope you feel better soon, we miss your logs ooooo, lol pele.

@Mightlove, please don't be sick ooooo, and don't over stress yourself.
@HG thank you for that link, really helpful.

Log for yesterday,
32 minutes ''Strong'' with Kathy Smith (that lady is something else). Did 100 oblique twist, 50 from Right to left and then another 50 from left to right, 100 bicycle crunches. I won't lie, my waist is still recovering from the effects.

Hey guys, how was your weekend?

Log for yesterday; 35 minutes cardio kickboxing, and 15 minutes crunches all types, Agaba's oblique twist ( did 50 of that)   , bicyle crunches, another 70, wish i could do more, omo, i see wehn!!!!!!!

^^^^ why is she proving not to be a wife material?? because of her past?? The truth is that both of them have acted like babies, the girl carry boyfriend go show ''baba-isale'', the dude gan sef follow babe go see ''uncle'' for approval and other mistakes followed. This is not the time for the poster to just run away from the relationship without ironing the issues out with her, Now, if he does and she is not willing to break the ties with her ''so-called partner'', then he can MOVE-ON.

tlops:
I dont know why people think he has a responsibility towards the mother, he should give to them if he has but not compromise the joy in his family. They live in UK and the wife is not Nigerian so all those dependent mentality doesn't exist there. Often couples put their household incomes together and allocate them to what their needs are. Marriage to a non-Nigerian is usually like partnership, where you cannot just give money to a cause that will not benefit you nuclear family.


It wont happen again if na me be the OP, she will not set foot in that house again. "Our culture" that is "so good" is what keep millions of Nigerian away from Nigeria.

That is Nigerian mentality and it has been working for Nigerians from ''Adam'', if he has the money to assist his people, then big deal!!! if he doesn't is a different story, helping his family should not be an issue, especially when it is not at the detriment to the needs of the family.

bunmioguns:
What if it were to be d woman dt called her husband, as in told her husband dt u wanted to force her

Who is forcing the other? the man has his clothes on, the woman is Unclad, na who agro catch pass??

Just say your last prayers, because i can see that the cutlass is very sharp.

^^^^^ And down the road, after marrying ''the sweet untouched girl'' and that one has given him 3 kids, that is when he will realise that he never loved the girl he married. This matter is simple.

It is either he calls it quit with the lady OR he goes ahead with the relationship and let the past be (with serious communication from both parties though).

My own take on the matter is that both of them were giving each other attitudes.

@ Poster from my own observation, 80% of men get hurt because of the latter reasons, only 20% get hurt because they are really inlove with their wives.

maclatunji:
^I didn't forget it- I just expect that people show decorum and basic good manners. Even if it is HER SON'S MONEY, what about the effort and time the lady has to devote to her to make her comfortable? In situations like this, I demand the proper thing be done.

Don't make excuses for her- she behaved like a grouch if OP's story is true.

Not making excuses for her at all, was just saying'' that might be what the woman was thinking about'', hence her taking and collecting everything the wife was buying her.

maclatunji:
I understand the point that the MIL may not like or know how to relate with the poster, but if that did not inhibit her from taking gifts from the poster, she needs to show some level of decorum and appreciation to the lady. I don't know why so many women decide to maltreat their kind. She would have known that poster was making an effort to impress and please her- the least she could have done is show understanding of that.

Husband has to mend this affair, otherwise it could snowball into something bigger.

OP, it is a challenge but with patience you should overcome it. Don't let it bother you too much just talk to your husband about it lovingly.

You have forgotten she might be thinking she is spending her son's money.

That is soooo Funny too bad for her.

cottonx:
So one thing is clear. It will be damn selfish of me to ask her to leave the business for me sake, right?
It is either I call the relationship off?
or I just trust her and get on with it like nothing happened? These are your summission. I am afraid the last one will destroyed me. The first one is no go area. So am left with ur second option. Could there be a better option that will lead to the remaining ever happy end?

No lady has been able to tell me exactly what they would do in this situation assuming you truely do not feel anything for your biz partner anymore and loved ur fiance so dearly

Poster, you gat to do what you gat to do. The truth is how sane will you be after your wedding and you still see your' wife' with her so-called business partner??, would it sound selfish when you tell her about her leaving her job?, of course it would, but will it help your relationship?, i think so. She might take it hard, but that is the sanest thing to do, if it were me, it is not debateable, i draw out ,my priorities and just count my losses, big deal, if what she does is very marketable and if it will be easy for her to get another job, then why not?

But it is always good to be realistic, put yourself in her shoes, with all her acheivements, if it were you, will you leave your job for the sake of your fiancee just to satisfy her curiosity??

Araboy:
@ swit up

oui je parle francais comment vas tu ?

@ ronkebp

I bet you have also a nice bumper with the way you walk

You can say that again, again, again and again!!!

@ Poster, it is so possible, i feel you!!!

Araboy:
come on ronkbp you are not all that

I know, lol

The way i walk, my smiles and eyes