₦airaland Forum

Congrats to him

jesusjnr:
IS IT A SIN FOR MARRIED COUPLES TO USE CONDOMS?

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This post is an offshoot of a recent thread titled, "Are we truly safe when we commit sin with condoms?"

https://www.nairaland.com/5582353/truly-safe-when-commit-sin

That thread was primarily intended to use the Truth of Jesus Words to disprove the idea being sold by the world in the name of "safe sex", that someone who commits a sexual sin, let's say, adultery, using a condom could yet be truly safe.

But then a someone with the moniker @Prettyjanet1 pops up with this interesting question:



So that's obviously where I got the thread title from, and this was my answer to the question:



So married couples using condoms was not considered a sin to me then, and that corroborated my position on the Op of that thread that I wasn't against the use of condoms because I didn't believe that it was a bad thing.

But then came someone else with the moniker @Godsonjolly with the following question:



This was my response:



Then he said:



But his comment seemed to make some sense to me, hence my response:

Therefore his comment agreed with my inclination on the use of condoms amongst married couples, because I believe that God should have the last say on the amount of kids a couple should have, even though at the time I didn't consider it to be a sin if they did so.

However the difference in this case was that I somehow just found it hard to include the part that "it was not a sin to me" in the final post of my conversation with him, as I did in my response to the first question, even though I had initially typed it. So I just had to chop that part off before posting, because at that point, it just felt quite uncomfortable to include it, as it just didn't seem right.

So it seemed my initial position about married couples using condoms during sex not being a sin had began to experience a bit of a wobble.

And to add to that uncertainty, there was a development I had noticed after making that thread, and it was the word "condom" suddenly beginning to feature in my tongues. But I felt very uncomfortable with that for obvious reasons, even though I had just done a thread that had something to do with that, as I had expected to move on from that since I had accomplished what I intended with that thread. So the last thing I was expecting was for it to start showing up in my tongues.

But it was later when I began to say "condom na sirin" repeatedly in tongues, that the picture began to become clearer of what the message appeared to be, as it sounded like "condom na sin" in pidgin English.

I began to have the feeling that perhaps the Holy Spirit wasn't pleased with the impression I had given about the use of condoms on the Op of that thread, where I said that I wasn't against the use of condoms and didn't believe that it was a bad thing, so that i would correct it.

But it was when I came back to the thread and saw where I had categorically responded to @Prettyjanet1's question, and said that use of condoms by married couples wasn't a sin, and had followed my responses up til the final response I gave on that same matter, where I was no longer comfortable to say it was a sin as i had done initially, that it became much clearer to me what actually happened then, and what that had to do with my spoken tongues about condoms.

So I believe the message of the Spirit of God is that it is a sin in God's sight for marriage couples to use condoms, just as that brother @Godsonjolly had insinuated, to correct my initial response that it wasn't a sin.

And though I don't think it's a sin that could lead married couples to hell, I believe that God is not happy when married couples use condoms during sex, as it usurps Him of His right as the One who determines giving kids or not in a marriage.

This may have been one of the things that displeased God concerning Onan that made Him slay him as was suggested by @Godsonjolly, for in the Bible days there were no condoms, so child bearing among married couples was solely God's prerogative, therefore Onan may have also dishonored God by what he did.

This is not intended to frighten or judge married couples, however I believe that especially for christians, it's best to follow the examples given in the Bible where childbearing in marriage was usually attributed to God, and the amount of children was determined by Him, so that condoms would not take God's place in determining how many kids they have.

That would obviously require married couples completely trusting God concerning childbearing, but i believe the marriages of those do so surely shall surely reap the rewards of them placing such extent of trust in God, because God alone best knows how many children a married couple should have.

God bless.

I just want to clarify this to you jesusjnr, God is not a stammerer, whatever he wants you to know, he will state it clearly for you, sometimes even twice or thrice.
As for what you were saying during your tongues, go and read through Kenneth E. Hagins' books on speaking in tongues.
When God wants to speak to you, He will do so through means like direct word, dreams visions, trances etc. Now when you speak words during tongues, it's mostly for other people.
May God send you more knowledge.

Godoverevery:
lol.....bro u have no idea where am coming from.
anyway maybe I didn't relate my message well I guess....cos av never in my life complained about anything I was given freely... nobody owe me anything dat my mind set and dat what av made me what I am today to the glory of God.
She knows my worth financially and she thinks I want to punish her for the sin of my ex which is totally wrong.

Well, you mentioned your ex in your post, so, the lady must have been hearing it often.
You need to sit her down and ask her to be patient with you while you both build the life you desire.
Her suggestion is okay but you might convert that 1k to a small gift so she won't feel like a secondary school girl when you are handing her money for visiting you, give her on arrival, not on departure.
Don't come and end a good relationship just because of 1k.

Bellotelli:
You were beginning to make sense until you mention Tacha. Why would you compare a human ND a swine.

Ashley86400:
Most people don't know the lady who passed on the crown to her is Priyanka Chopra, famous Indian actress and now wife of Nick Jonas.
Life sha. . .

Oh wow, small world.

Biglittlelois:
Lol already on a defense, your "peradventure" was for a girl who studied one of these courses, my question is why those courses? Are you saying there are no ladies in other science related courses who can "peradventure" throw their dreams away for a man?

Why don't you ask the poster?

MedicH:
Does it matter what "they" want?

To them, it does
To me, their noise about what they want is what matters

ocmarion:
Hi Guys ... needs a public opinion on this . My wife said she is no longer interested in the marriage that she want to exist , in as much as i love her and the kids i believe its best for us .... i love my wife very much but i just cant live with her .. but there are two kids involved trust me those kids are the reason i keep it all together till this moment . she told she would have moved out if she have other places to go because she wasn't working and she broke the news immediately she find a job . we have been married for 7 year and she never work i give her monthly allowance and everything . this is the problem she find a job she is no longer interested in the marriage and she wont move out ... i have to move to the living room while she use our room because we live in 2 bedroom apartment . she said she wont leave the house and want me to rather leave the house for her ... her new job is challenging and she hardly home .. i spend time with the kids more than she does sometimes she gets back at 8 sometimes 9 pm ... i would have done all the necessary thing in the house cook feed the kids and all that when she returns she will go straight to the kitchen eat then spend the rest of the day on the phone with family and friends .. sometimes she will abuse me to her friends and family ... i would have just move out but i fear for the welfare of my kids and its hard starting again getting a house and setting it up ... she is a good person though no one is perfect i just don't know what to do .. she has a brother that lives close to us her brother is one of the reason why we have many issues ... i told her to move in with her brother since she hardly home sometimes the kids are a slept when she return she said i should be the one leaving my house .. I'm not a weak man just don't want drama and i just want my kids to live in a peaceful environment ...

Do not be the one to initiate the divorce, in case she really wants to leave, get counsellors and make it known that you want her to stay.
If you want to keep taking care of your kids, she might end up having to leave the house and pay you child support, depending on the country you are residing in.
Get a good lawyer to represent your and your kids' best interests.

TonyeBarcanista:
This is irrelevant. He said she wants to go... He should let her go

I didn't ask him to tie her down, I just think it's unfair for him to have to move out of his own house just because his wife is no longer interested.

ocmarion:
i know for the fact that its his brother but i have always been tempted to do DNA at some points though my kids look like me and all that but you cant be too sure with all this .. she is not a cheat that i know for the fact ... Right now i'm on 2 week leave and i'm watching the kids while she is at work i even cook before she comes from work all she do when she return is to eat bath and sleep ... I'm giving her all the chance she needs for the changes ... she doesnt have to worry about cooking of doing anything .. so i dont think we are having problems here ..

Thank God for you man.
Just take things easy. But remember to update matured members of her family as well as yours about her behavior.
Keep caring for your kids.
Set boundaries too, have her respect her kids

zmpp:
i wonder who told you that it is only feminists who are successful. i am not a feminist and i am successful and submissive

Not all feminists are successful, not all non-feminists are unsuccessful.
Submission means different things to different people.
Life is not that simple.
I was playing along to the posters black and white philosophy. Whatever you do with your life and marriage is of little influence over my life, so I don't have a problem with you.

ocmarion:
kids and 5 and 7 .... been living together for 8 years and legally married for 5 years . she was still at school while we met and we dated for a while then i travel she join me few months later and we are living just fine . I'm 34 she is 32 ... the problem starts when her brother joined us here . he lived with us for 36 months . i accept him gave him all i could . but he wanted more like clubbing and all that i cant afford those life . the only reason he could afford those life was because I'm paying the rent and other utility bills ..

we have to travel to nigeria for a while so i have to tell him to get himself a place cos we will be gone for some months which he did but it seems difficult for him to cope with all the bills and his lifestyle . when we return from nigeria i got a place for us and let his brother be on his own this doesnt sit well with my wife and her brother ever since then i no longer enjoy my life everything i do becomes a taboo . just tired i just want a best way i can do away with all this without any drama . honestly I dont want the marriage no more . the only thing holding me down is the kids i dont know how to solve this puzzle

I have two angles to the issue, one is extreme, the other is mild, therefore two sets of suggestions.
This is the extreme angle: have you met with the brother before marriage to confirm if he is really the brother and not some boyfriend, when green card is involved, anything can happen.
Are you even sure the kids are yours? With the rise of reported cases of parternal fraud, its best for you not to live in denial. Suggestion: dig around the brother's story. Find out what your wife does with him behind your back, conduct DNA test. Your wife probably wants to frustrate you out of the house.

The mild angle:
Your wife is going through some personal changes. You need to allow her go through it, else, she will resent you. You need to ask her what she wants, tell her what you want, then you guys come to some agreement.
Whatever you do, involve a lawyer.

Biglittlelois:
What do you mean by @emboldened? These set of ladies aren't intelligent or throw their dreams away?

@eyefordetails see what I mean......

You didn't see "peradventure"
It's either you don't understand English or you were in too much of a hurry to quote that you didn't read through.

Jammyudom:
You are so wrong, I don't need a baby factory but a partner..I never used anyone , life is in stages. ....why all these attacks wh?

Don't you get it?
Marrying a woman for what she has or her career choice is a wrong reason for marriage
Its a recipe for disaster as the woman knows you wouldn't look her way if she were an accountant (accountants are great with numbers by the way).

ocmarion:
no one is perfect already and I'm not going to say I'm perfect all i know is i have done all i can , i make sure i gave her allowance for every month we never have problem until now that her brother move down here .. up till date i still pay for everything in the house she just want to be single and free yet still want all the benefit that comes with been married

I mean, how did you meet, what was she doing for a living before you met, and you too, how old were you guys, how was your relationship like before marriage, after marriage, what changed? How long has the marriage lasted, how long after marriage did you have kids, how many years are between your kids?
Answers to these questions will help us give you advice, this is a faceless forum, I doubt if anyone is interested in tracing you out.
And we all know that no one is perfect.

Jammyudom:
, witty in engineering and mathematics not just intelligent woman, again female Gene are dominant so your guess is as good as mine. I need a life partner not just a wife and it will be a turn off if she can't play with numbers, Am I asking for too much?

Mr Man, you spent nothing less than 5 years in a faculty of Engineering, yet you couldn't find a suitable lady, what of the ladies you have most probably used and dumped?
Engineering girls are goal getters, most of them won't drop their destiny just because you are dangling the carrot of marriage on their nose, can you handle that?
You better go for your Yoruba, Banking and Finance, Biz Admin, Economics girls, peradventure you might find a girl who will throw her dreams in the trash can because you are looking to make babies. (I am writing this based on the assumption that your purpose of seeking a mate is baby making)

Amanee:
Lol


Later you people will say you hate feminism

They don't want feminists who are getting jobs, pushing their careers, buying cars and building houses, they want submissive women who will start popping babies after school.
Whatever, Whatever.

Oga, what have you been doing to her when you were working and she wasn't. If a child trips he will look forward, whereas if a adult trips, he will look backwards.
Start your story from the beginning.

A happy woman is a beautiful woman. HBD

Most populous is different from biggest

Some have to pay for what some have naturally.
Inside life.

Dan2000:
Seriously I never forced her and I won't, even if we are living together, I will never force her.
I do pay for the hair, but imagine paying for hairstyle that You don't admire, though it always look beautiful on her, but I prefer her natural beauty more, that's just one thing I observed about myself. I do admire her more whenever she loose her hair than using wig or any other hairstyle.

Mr Man, while you were courting the woman, you should have thrashed out matters like this.
To me, it seems you feel entitled to to your wife based on the sacrifices you have made for her.
Don't do more for people than you can overlook.
BTW, whatever you do for your wife, you have done for yourself and your children.

Emotionss:
[color=#006600][/color]

Don't worry he is around the corner.
You never can tell I might even be the one because you kinda impress me with your comments.

I'm not in a hurry

Emotionss:
[color=#006600][/color]

You are a Blessing to whoever is lucky enough to marry you. Wow

I believe I am.
That's why I'm being careful
I don't want to end up in the arms of the wrong person.
So, while I'm waiting, searching, praying etc, I'm making my other dreams come true.

maak400:
It’s a fake story, check her profile, she has opened 387 fake topics just for cheap attention.

I see

I guess this story is fake, else why would a married woman send her pictures to an admirer
The woman is in this story is narcissistic, shallow, immature and possibly promiscuous.
To the woman in this story: marriage is serious business, grow up.

Anifaza:
Thanks for your input. I truly appreciate. It all started in my ist year of marriage when I had my baby and still in school. My mum came to look after baby and few months later, I took in again of which I left baby with mum while I continued schooling.
They accused my hubby of allowing my mother to be the only one taking care of baby and not them. That in their tradition, mothers of wife have no say and influence in family affairs. This was a major issue and still is. While in my culture, nothing of such as we see nothing wrong here. They disrespect my mother till date because of this. I have caught one twice giving my mother bad eye.
2ndly, a distant relative came with high risk pregnancy with fibroid and I asked she comes to seek medical help and go back, when she came, it was war in my house that it is forbidden in their culture for a pregnant woman to come to another man's house which she's not pregnant for. She later left but loads of issues after this.
My in-laws come anytime even with their children .Every other week and weekend is in my house.
My husband will not take us out unless they are around.
Hubby's lil sis but older than me lived with me for 5 years and that's where the whole wahala persisted with her giving information. I began to see their collaboration through her and frustrated me to the very letter.
We had a fight and hubby asked her to leave. They all ganged up not to talk to me or hubby again which hubby is feeling alienated.
Hubby said his position is threatened in his family and I am the cause. I took care of his older sister who had complication in her surgery for 6 months in my house, non of them came to visit her in my house nor call me. Rather , She got well and told others that I didn't give her food that was why when one called her and she said she was in a restaurant to eat. Hubby and I had issue on this.
I am so fed up . I work and I contribute significantly in the family.
They see me as the one who eats their brother's money alone.
Hubby takes great financial care of them. I am just tired.

Point one, your beliefs and that of your in laws are different
Two, your in laws have been in control of your husband for decades, and as his wife, they expect you to fall in line.
Three, your husband looks up to his sisters, they are his small mummies, he craves their approval.
With the loss of their parents, your husband and his siblings are trying to deepen their closeness, you are seen as the outsider.

My suggestions :
You need a big dose of patience. You are your husband's wife, stop seeing your in laws as your competition, your husband has enough love for all his loved ones.
Allow your in laws in your home if that's what your husband wants.
Keep to yourself as much as you can, as long as they are not asking you to be their maid. Whatever your husband wants to give his family, don't say anything against it, just agree with him.
In this case, you will be worried about your children's well being, if you feel like going out, tell hubby you wish to go out with kids, use your own money, take your hubby out sometimes too, tell him it's because you appreciate..... mention one big favor he has done for you.
Lastly, these women are older than you, respect them, apologize to the one you have issues with, apologize to your husband, don't cause trouble where there is little, your husband is not beating you, do you know how lucky you are?
Cheating is not the issue here, only nasty in laws, focus on improving your own lot in life, career or business. Look at your husband through the lens of how good he has been to you, then you will be able to make peace.

freecocoahubby:
This one too has put mouth

Frustrated femcel! Una no dey rest?

Always quick to comment on another woman's man because you have none of your own

Men are not meant to be owned, no one is meant to be owned.

After using Jesus for money, they now want to use Davido

MightySirKay:
Nah God go punish this brainless man. After 20k don exchange hand. If truly no body was exhumed in the church, why stop people from videoing the alledged altar? Why did the trigger-happy policemen killed 2 okada riders and injured 3 others? What were they trying to protect? Why beat up the press that were there this morning to cover the news?
It was the action of the police that led to the burning down of the church, death of 2 sars members (retaliation for the life they took) and burning of vehicles.
Make una sleep for the crime scene oo coz until that whole building turn to ashes, youths no go rest.
That prophet should tell us what what happened to his personal assistant's 1 year old baby 2 years ago. No be this same police covered him when a fresh human head was found in his vehicle. Why did the Deji of Akure locked his palace when youths went there?

JESUS!!!!!

Damilolacoker:
Hello everyone I'm 24 years old and I have been married for three years. last year we had our first baby . Prior to our wedding, I and my husband decided I'll be allowed to work once our baby is old enough to attend day Care. Now our daughter is almost 2 years and he has refused to let me work. We've had countless arguments about this and it always ends with him saying women who work are not always submissive. I cannot be a full house wife , I am educated and cannot sit at home all say.

He recently told my parents I was being rude to him and they're all saying I should do whatever my husband wants. I love him but on this issue, I refuse to agree with him.

The other part here is he doesn't like me correcting our daughter. She's almost 2 and it irritates him whenever I try to potty train her or scold her. He insists I go to check up on Her at school during break hours. I understand that she's quite young but as her mother, I want the best for her.

Now he's changed towards me, he doesn't care or pamper me like he used to , sometimes he refuses to eat at home and when I try to speak with him, he's always very cold. Please help me, I don't know what to do anymore.

You do not need permission to find yourself a job.
From what you posted, it looks like you have been brainwashed by mainstream religious and cultural sentiments of servitude in marriage for women
So, you will be asking for money for sanitary pad for you, and pampers for your baby. An educated woman!!!!
This is what you need to do, start looking around for a job once you drop your baby at the creche, don't say anything about it at home.
Reconnect with your mother, you have not been close to her.
Take the small money you have with you and start a retail business for now.
I will stop here because it is pretty difficult to advise someone I know little about.

Liftme:
Dear damilolacoker, I wish I can share my experience which is quite similar to yours... Some people commented that you married early, I married in my late 20s, started my career immediately after NYSC early 20s, and I was doing relatively okay... I dropped my job in the name of marriage( ex hubby insisted, said I will get another job after our 1st child is like 2 years) He lied, when it was time for me to start job hunting,he came with the ' women working usually aren't submissive' just like your hubby said.

Then I discussed business with him, said maybe in 10-15 years , I became the maid gradually( he brought in 6 family members of his one at a time). All I do is cook for them, do dishes, and other house chores). I exhausted my savings, and had to start begging him to give money for ordinary sanitary pads( he'd tell me to go use clothe instead ) ,and when I politely ask for money to buy diaper for our baby, I get insults like ' lazy woman, you don't even know how to make money. ' Do you think it's easy to make this money' . Hmmm, the list is endless.

The only difference is my parents never supported the sit at home wife, my dad especially, he insisted I get a job/ hubby funds a personal business for me ( he told hubby he didn't waste his money in sending me to school to be a full housewife.

Yes ,he is my ex now, I am single mum, working now and catering well for I and my daughter. This isn't feminism like nairalanders do say, and I am not advising you to quit your marriage ( I had other issues with my ex ,not just the job/ working ). Read comments from healthserve and SBL28. A good husband should be willing to build an empire with you, share your dreams and aspirations. If you're submissive, and not rude to him, then he is wrong to assume you'd not be submissive when you start working.

Oro pupo ko le kun agbon/plenty word can't full a basket (A word is enough for the wise)

more oil to your engine ma'am