₦airaland Forum

[quote author=Mrs.Chima link=topic=650686.msg8168181#msg8168181 date=1303265980]I don't.

Hello Shyone! [/quote]Hey silly - How are you girlfriend. How's your day today? The weather is cold here - I hate Indiana.

focus on something else - it isn't something to get mad about - overlook and move on!

sometimes something that seems innocent to you; others who see things differently respond negatively

soooo - focus on something else - we all are valuable to many, many people - not just a few on NL

they see things differently than you do - extend an apology and move on!

You are the star that shines brightly in YOUR WORLD - remember that - no one defines who you are - YOU DO.

so stop being mad - go and open some threads and make some comments - keep being you -- ok?  By the way - Welcome to NL

Learn from others to grow your opportunities and share with others BECAUSE we ALL need you here.

Why are you mad?

You should be ashamed of yourself using up that amount of space.

Happy Birthday to you Mama Gee

have a great and wonderful day!!!!

@ poster

For you to consider going back to him and for you to "ask him to stop" versus taking an open faced razor and splitting his azz wide for all to see--tells me that you have witnessed this in your family and/or see this as normal behavior from a man.  I always wonder about women who lay there and "Ask a Man to Stop Hitting Them" - or narrate the scenario by telling him "Not to Kill Them."  I just always wonder why would you hold a conversation with someone who is BEYOND WORDS.  He is beating, choking, kicking and you are talking.

smh

Look in the mirror - ask yourself "Would you advise your mom, sister, female friend or future daughter to go back for more"?

Because TRUST ME - where that azz whipping came from - he has more waiting on you when you return.

For you to ask NL if you should go back - tells me that you haven't had enough.

"Go on back and git ya some." Let's hope and pray you live through it.

redsun:
It is a clash of culture.[b]Some african women find some unimaginable freedom in the west which they cynically abuse [/b]while  on the other hand some african brothers fail to accept the fact that women can live in a world where they can change their mind,make their own decisions and live the way they want to live,even if at the end of the day,they may regret it,but it is their choice.

Any man that for the sake of a biitch destroys his own life is part of the weak species that falls on the way side,destined for extinction

Their response is similar to that of a teenager leaving home for the first time and is away at College - this is to be expected.  It is exciting, new, different, unimaginable.  It is a whole new and different world, lifestyle - immense possibilities.

MzDarkSkin:
[color=#0066ff]so why not make it easy on themselves and stick with their own women or learn to adjust? it's common sense.
So because I am not from his ethnicity and may be strong minded that should be enough for him to want to kill/beat me?
mschew.[/color]

I agree with you there - It is common sense - Crossing the Street is common sense but many times the chicken can't get to the other side.  Also all men don't respond that way but some do especially if they see violence and strong-arm behaviors as normal.

redsun:
Domestic violence is not just the exclusive trait of ''westernized'' africans,it is quite rampant among the so called westerners themselves.There are loads of pressure in the west that can easily drive a weak mind wacko.

http://hilath..com/2009/04/two-women-die-week-from-domestic.html

I agree with you completely.

I agree with you There.

I am good - been on NL for a few hours today. I'll catch you another time. Have a great evening Chima.

Hey - How Are You Feeling Nowadays?

I hope you are relaxing, taking it easy.

They are not only rooted in their culture

But they are stressed the hell out in a foreign land.

That is why I wrote what I wrote above.  Their response should be on a totally different level.  Chima - they are aware of their actions.

I believe that they have met as groups in the U.S. - discussing these reactions they have towards their spouse.  Africans many times organize themselves in groups more so than we AA.

We AA are much more disjointed and don't work together as much.  So they have talked and I would be shocked if they Weren't Already Trying to Troubleshoot this Issue as It Is Highly Reflective on The African Male.

@ Chima:

I edited my response so I will repaste the portion that you didn't see prior to replying.

Repaste:
[quote author=Shy-One link=topic=648740.msg8151723#msg8151723 date=1303094827]@ Chima:

One thing a new environment does - and IT DOES IT IMMEDIATELY UPON ENTERING THAT NEW ENVIRONMENT - it encourages you and yours to relax your "rigid walls, ideas, actions" - that is a side effect of all new environments.  New environments kill traditional ways learned from foreign environments.  It does that to Africans coming to America and to Americans going to Africa and any other areas as well.

What is traditional in America many times is un-traditional in Africa and vice versa.  African tradition can be viewed as odd here and vice versa.  You WILL CHANGE; whoever we are; anyone going into a foreign environment will adapt to that culture to a certain extent.  It is to be expected and response should accommodate that change.[/quote]The World is Experiencing a MAJOR RECESSION - THE ENTIRE WORLD is changing and be it African, American, Asian, Hispanic, Jamaican. All will get on board or be left behind.

Households need to eat, send their young for education, reach higher, progress. Trust Me.

Change is a coming by one shape or the other. Be it Force or Fashion. Change is Upon US ALL.

@ Chima:

These men need to EVOLVE.  If you are not getting your way.  Focus on ANOTHER WAY.  I used to get upset when things didn't seem to be going my way.  God pointed out to me - that I am either doing that act or expecting that response to occur at the wrong time or in the wrong way.

African men - if your African woman isn't responding as you want at that moment.  Focus your attention on ANOTHER WAY instead of exploding to violence.  Explode your azz on a walk outside, turn on the silent treatment, start writing a business plan for a new business, if she isn't cooking for you, cook for yourself and/or go out to eat. 

Change is the key word here.  Swallowing pride and reaching for a changed response - because her response towards you "Her watching you not explode" could actually be life altering for her and for you and you could definitely experience a closer bonding depending on how you handle your disappointment with her.

Many, many times an act of love is all she is looking to receive - Romance fuels motivation; motivation is the foundation to finance.  It is very difficult to move to a new environment and expect the same actions that existed in a different environment.  So many times Adults refuse to be the one to give.  If you are the one who gives in to the other - that one act could ignite a flame in the other person that opens a floodgate of tendencies in them to do exactly what you want them to do and they will even do it better than you had anticipated.

One thing a new environment does - and IT DOES IT IMMEDIATELY UPON ENTERING THAT NEW ENVIRONMENT - it encourages you and yours to relax your "rigid walls, ideas, actions" - that is a side effect of all new environments.  New environments kill traditional ways learned from foreign environments.  It does that to Africans coming to America and to Americans going to Africa and any other areas as well.

What is traditional in America many times is un-traditional in Africa and vice versa.  African tradition can be viewed as odd here and vice versa.  You WILL CHANGE; whoever we are; anyone going into a foreign environment will adapt to that culture to a certain extent.  It is to be expected and response should accommodate that change.

@ Chima:

I excuse nothing. There is no excuse for abuse. I just am seeing it and taking note. I do agree with you.

@ Poster

I don't think that is the case.

I think that We As A Human Race - Put more expectations on "Those We Know"
Most People - Treat those at Home worse than they treat strangers - Because they Expect More from those they know versus those they don't know

I think that African Men expect African Women "To Know Better"
African Men Realize that American Women Need to Be Graded on a Curve - Because Non-Africans Are Unaware of the Culture and Expectations that Go with the African Culture.  African Men realize that most American Women are ignorant to their expectations and if they marry an American Woman they would be dealing with someone who knows not what they expect.  Expectation is aligned with response and response is aligned with action/reaction.

For Instance - I am American and I will excuse my African Lover Much Faster than I would an American Lover.  Because I realize that my African Man knows not American Culture and for a certain length of time I will overlook behaviors he exhibits as he is unaware and vice versa (he will do the same with me for a while) and on some things I will say nothing and let him and his culture be the prevalent one in the household as that is what he is used to (he too will give me rein as well in areas where he is willing to release control - because we both have been in control of our separate domains in 2 different cultures)---this we will do to encourage a smooth transition while we learn one another---prior to our collectively deciding where we will merge cultures and in what areas which culture(s) will prevail over the other.

An American Man - I will let him get away with NOTHING - because he knows better - he has no excuse such as a Man from a different country.

I SINCERELY BELIEVE that is what is going on with the African Man in the U.S. in situations such as these.  It has nothing to do with African men wishing they had married an American woman.  They expect more from those that are from their same culture.  The same as anyone would expect more from a family member than they would from a stranger.

The problem is that African Men seem to get homesick for Africa and African Culture and African Behaviors - these men experience loneliness for what they are used to receiving, depression occurs when that desire isn't being met - because more times than not - African men don't take too well to this culture as it can most definitely undermine the position they are used to controlling/holding.  This can be a major stressor combined with being misunderstood and ridiculed by Americans and in the end - he/she react and become overly sensitive towards each other behind closed doors and it escalates to actions that go to far - those acts we read about via news because they went too far in their discipline, response, action, reaction.  The U.S. can be a shock to the system as the U.S. and Africa are quite dissimilar in soo many different ways.

Kelvin0:
kinda funny to c dis kinda topik in dis thread, i belive the Creator of Heaven and earth, d unmoved mover, unshaked shaker, d undesigned designer, unneccessitated neccessity d master architect Created man and woman for a purpose, he created eve to be an help meet to adam and not another Adam. I despise homosexuality, gaynism, lesbianism and bisexuality with great passion and if i kum in contact with any such person in that act i will descrimate because it's devilish act and a sign of the end time.

Remember a MAJOR SPIRITUAL LAW - everything you put out in the universe COMES RIGHT BACK AT YOU! So discriminate at your own risk.

God is the creator and judge - NOT YOU.

Brite02:
WTF is the damn cowmilk thing about?
**just curious**

A well known parable is "Why Buy the Cow When You Can Get the Milk For Free."

Translation:
Why get married to a woman "buy the cow."  When you can have a girlfriend who will do everything a wife will do and you don't have to tie yourself to her or commit to her - she's free.  Men say that in the U.S. - that is an "old school saying.

"

Crude Oil:
If a man stops getting the milk for free will he buy the cow? Or go two feet over to the next cow and get milk?

Now Crude Oil has put another slant to that saying to get NLers to think.  So I am assuming his question is, "When the GF stops giving it up "vajayjay, cooking, cleaning, etc," - "Is it time to now marry her so you can continue to get at a price what you were getting for free."  Or should the man move on to another gf to continue getting free handouts without commitment.

That's my understanding of this thread.

For Your Information (FYI)

Correct me if I'm wrong.

[quote author=Mrs.Chima link=topic=648727.msg8151172#msg8151172 date=1303085394]Goldieluks is not akata. Just thought you should know. I believe she is an African woman.[/quote]ahahahahahahahaha

Much love to you Mrs. C.

Also - find someone in the States to send you a car ro-ro with the money you can make scrapping that car out in pieces to either mechanics in the area or someone(s) who has a car same model and year in Nigeria.

Then pay the car loan off as much as possible so you aren't too deep in the red.  Have your girl help you financially - since she was behind the wheel when it happened.

Killing her won't get the help you need and you can replace a car.  If she is worth anything - loyal, helpful, hard working - she will be worth more to you in your lifetime than a piece of metal that you can buy times 10 and some.

@ CALID

This akata recommends that you sell the pieces of the car off for scrap and try to get back as much money as possible.

If you had car insurance you wouldn't have to kill your babe.  It was an accident and she was too afraid to tell you.  You are upset - but what you want is a solution.  So you sat at the mechanics for hours and hours and found out that the car is either totaled or costs too much to repair.

Again, I would sell the car for pieces if possible - the engine, tires, brakes, transmission, alternator, brake line, mirrors, doors, seats, fender, etc. (whatever hasn't been totaled) - you would be surprised how much you can retrieve - advertise the car for parts on NL and in the news papers where you live - there is bound to be someone in Africa that would give you money for the entire car and use whatever they can as replacements parts for their car - same model, same year.

Example:  I have a almost new manufacturing machine coming over to Africa and my guy and I are sending an identical one machine with that one - because we need spare parts for the good machine - so we are sending another machine that doesn't work in a few areas to be used for it's other hundreds of workable parts that would be spare parts for the working machine.

You can either wallow in anger - or get up, get proactive and turn that nightmare into a smooth highway that will pave the way for your next vehicle.

Centino:
It is always a choice to be gay or whatever. Because we live more than once those who chose to be gay now wake up in another life realising they already have a sexual preference. Because they do not remember details of their former existence they conclude they are born that way.

After hearing your thought process - the way you explained it - then YES I DEFINITELY DO AGREE WITH YOU on the explanation of "choice."

It is FACT that "there is no death" - We as humans define "death" as leaving this level of existence -when the FACT IS - that all we are doing is moving on - God lives forever and MAN as God's reflection, reflects GOD - so WE LIVE FOREVER TOO.  We just leave this level of existence for the next level. 

So from that point of view.  I think THAT I WILL HAVE TO AGREE WITH YOU.

@ MzDksn

You pay allegiance to your dad - I understand totally and completely.  That is quite loyal and tender of you.  You have my sympathies.  You are very sweet.

Your Dad loves you and Your Dad is completely aware that you miss him and he loves you deeply.  He wants you to know that he knows that you miss him because he misses you too - he misses your awareness of his presence.  When they part from us - they still love us just as deeply and even more so when they depart from this level.  He sees you and he is very proud of you and your development.  Your Dad adores you where he is right now.  Just as he adored you when you were able to physically see him and speak with him.

Mz Dkskn - talk to him - he has only left this level of existence - he still lives and still thinks the same as he thought when he was here.  I encourage you to talk to him - he definitely listens even now.

I just wanted to let you know.

If married, my husband comes first (my dad taught me that) - my husband comes even before my dad.

If I am unmarried - my Dad comes first every single time.

ahahahahahaha

ooooooo

thank you for sharing

i too had a similar experience.  i had a very pretty and in shape black female walk up to me and grab my knee while I was sitting and spread my legs open - holding each knee in her hands and she started tsking sounds with her mouth, smiling and looking between my legs.

I snatched my legs away from her crazy azz.  I had on blue jeans - so I have no idea what she thought she was looking at.  She was drunk.  I have had the weirdest experiences at different times.  Just illogical mess.

Lord forgive them for they know not what they do.

@ Chima:

Yes - my initial reaction was of shock and horror. I laughed soo hard in disbelief. I just never saw anything like this before.

I respect him though - he is unique and a web sensation. Someone even reposted the video with the song "Ice Cream Paint Job" playing as well as reposted the video with foreign music playing that sound Spanish in nature and then you see Brother Franklin darting in from the left.

lolololololol

OK

I publically take back everything I just said that was negative about this guy.  I had to google him after  you opened this Thread Chima.

He is on another link stating that he is a former professional dancer hailing from Nairobi, Kenya - he isn't vain sounding at all, he is relaxed, humble, simple in his presentation in a live interview.

He is very loving and says that he now worships God by utilizing his skills.  I saw him in a different light and respect him.  We all have our own unique relationship with God.  He is owed that relationship and it should be free of criticism from others.

Go head Brother Franklin - you have my vote.

Chima:

Where did you find this dude?  I actually emailed my guy and sent him the link. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sPFe0hna_Sc&feature=related

my babe start jumping around like this - i'm sorry buy this is a deal breaker - look at his dress - he has elevated to street,hip hop wear.  his dancing skills are really good just not for the church

but i need to shut up - everyone serves God differently - i feel ashamed even thinking this way and being judgmental

but i cringe at the thought of my guy conducting himself in this manner.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8pUAnrVWUkk&feature=related

the dude is all over the floor - like roadkill in the church - you can't even get to the offering plate before he jumps down on the ground - rolling in front of you with his azz in the air.

@ Chima:

ahahahahah

metal cut is sooo right.

Basseti:
Well, if he actually did that then thats really mind boggling. If he contnues on that path, then he might end up with some sexual harrasment lawsuit sooner than later.

Are there no cute nurses in the facility?


How about fat black people?

i don't know who is in the facility - cute or ugly.  they don't give you a choice - whatever doctor is on duty comes in and gets started.

thank you for asking though.

white or black - i don't want their big fat hand, risk and forearm - digging around and poking around inside of me.  not pleasant at all.

Kgdavid:
at this point i really have got to ask wat exactly goes (legally)on in these pelvic exams?? sounds a bit, stickin a metal object in there doesnt it? how does that feel?

[url]http://compare.ebay.com/like/190404981380?var=lv&ltyp=AllFixedPriceItemTypes&var=sbar&rvr_id=225131036747&crlp=1_263602_309572&UA=WXF%3F&GUID=8b07f91412d0a02680f08fb0ff60a042&itemid=190404981380&ff4=263602_309572[/url]

This is the metal object that is used during vaginal exams in the U.S. - they insert it into the woman's area and there is a knob at the back that they turn and it opens up while inside so they can look inside and take a swab of the area during a female checkup.(Pap Smear)

Then they turn the knob to close the knob and pull the instrument out - they then do a pelvic exam by sticking their hand, wrist and part of the arm above the wrist inside of you and start pressing down on different areas inside while holding your abdomen on the outside - and you are being cupped by a male stranger who is constantly grabbing and holding to check the different organs inside. That part is called the pelvic exam. They examine the woman's pelvic from the inside. And it is horrible. Some are soo rough it hurts. All the while they are looking you in your eyes and in your face and trying to hold a conversation with you - as if you are sitting at a table sipping tea and talking. It is unbelievable.

Welcome to our world (from female to male)

I beg to differ

millions aren't flaming and you wouldn't even know they were gay.

i went to a gay club with my brother and i kid you not!!! white guys that look like and act like Brett Farve, as masculine looking and acting as Jonathan Goodluck, The Rock, big football player looking guys. 

No trace of gay in their features, mannerisms, dress, voice.  Very masculine.  ALL GAY.

And those gay guys look disdainfully at gays that are "flaming" in their appearance, action and deed.

And many times to gays - straight people are the perverted ones.

There are many women in the U.S. that love married men - and they don't want them leaving their wives.

They don't want them moving in with them, or falling in love with them.  They don't want nor do they desire a single man who is available.  To them dating a married man is a great alternative - they can have their cake and eat it too.

I know you guys realize that and if you don't there is a very large population of women who love - loving - other women's men.  They don't want the man to fall in love with them.  They don't want to cook, clean or care for that man or his kids.  They want his money and they don't want him sleeping over their home too long either.

They want the sex and money without the headache of any real relationship with him.  Many times the man falls in love with that type of woman and she will dump him and move on to another after he starts talking about leaving his wife.

ok - I saw the videos

i don't know what to say

i read the comments - posted under the videos - one writer said "it is better to be happy than miserable, etc.  Keep dancing and praising God - Brother."

this is a small man, jumping around in church - gyrating his pelvic bone

"Shy-One turns away from NL and turns to her guy - directly facing him - eye to eye - addressing him in consternation"

Baby, I realize that you might just be this man's size and build - but please, honey, even in your devoted, diligent, and loyal service to God - when music starts in the church - please abeg - don't do the splits, bust out in the robot, jump down into a forward or backward roll on the stage.  because i will beg God to open the floor and swallow me whole in front of your congregation.

I thought we in the States got "Giggy wit It" - this dancing brother just "shut my mouth - changed my whole opinion of the regal, elegant, noble African male."  I didn't know someone could move like this,   There are pieces of his body that are in dire need of their own social security number and have taken on a life independent of their attached members.  lolol0lo0lololol - oooooo

the brother on this video is staged, he is what we call "profiling" - he practices at home in the mirror, has onlookers that cheer him on and he goes into his staged theatrical production.

what happened to worshipping in your closet minus ticket sales?  how sincere and genuine is this display?  did Jesus do such?  Jesus walked on water - i don't recall Jesus busta rhyming it, breaking into the funky chicken, giving us the running man like a Court Jester to please the crowd.

but now i sound judgmental and that isn't good either.  Baby if you are reading this - please tell me now, before i enter the sanctuary with you.  don't pull a fast one when the music starts - i love conservative, respectful, sincere. worshippers that understand what it means to hear "be still and know that I am God"

smh