₦airaland Forum

My worse fear is that I will fall out of love

That is it

My feelings for him have to continue to make my toes curl, I don't ever want to look at him in disgust, Disillusion, or in disrespect - I want to always desire him sexually and I want to keep my feelings for him - tender, loving, exciting.

Once it's gone for me - IT IS GONE - there is no getting it back AND ONCE THAT IS GONE - I am gone.

So his treatment of me has to remain loving, tender, conscious of my feelings, supportive - if I am wrong he has to be quick to forgive as I am and will be of him.

A true deep bonding has to exist and be WELL maintained. I don't care what year it is or how many years go by.

ooopppssss

oooo noooo.

my prayers are with you girl

shy-one cringes

[quote author=Mrs.Chima link=topic=620294.msg7981820#msg7981820 date=1301033743]I am not saying you are not but in order for anyone to want quality friends they have to possess quality as well. 

You are what you attracts.  Sometimes we think it is other people when in actuality it is us.  I am talking about on a friendship level and not people you are just randomly talking to. 

Good friends are hard to come by these days and we have to treat them the same way we want to be treated.  Sadly some people take friendship for granted and miss out on a golden opportunity.[/quote]your response sounds like you misunderstood what i was saying - but that's ok

i wasn't looking for friends - quality or not quality

i realize quite clearly that friends generally have like traits and qualities - so i wasn't questioning quality

i just made a side comment that they were "quality" and I missed them - but I have quite a few friends - I don't lack friends on any level - as I am usually the one that doesn't attend much because of work.

For instance this Friday, Saturday and Sunday - I have 4 different events I have been invited to attend by different friends - but because of work - I might not attend any of them - I will try hard because 3 are networking opportunities that not many people are invited to because of the A-Type Guest list and those events don't come around much so I might have to put down the keyboard for those 3.

Any way thanks for your thoughts

@ Reality - no offense taken - it was long but I wanted to make a point - I felt it was important

@ JB

U are COMPLETELY CORRECT - I felt the same way - I hate tatoos - big ugly ones especially on women - I hate seeing white or black women with a tatoo visible on their bosom or back - it is sooo ugly.  The earrings in the nose - especially the metal bones the white guys wear here makes my skin crawl.  The white skin head guys - grosssssss beyond words because alot of them are lilly white and their arms in a short sleeved shirt are black, red and blue from the top to the bottom(wrist) covered in tatoos - grosss

I agree - that is why I stated at the bottom of the post - There are times when you just have to do as those in Rome - which is adapt to the environment until you leave the environment

Model the acceptable behavior especially if it is affecting your career or acceptance into a community or group you are yearning to be part of.

I don't hang out with anybody unless they are quality

Yes those were definitely some quality men

I do miss them - they were quite talented

Yeah - I was pained

I had a lot of guy friends and there are 2 in particular that I miss

Their women got sooo ignorant - I had to let them go - just ignorant, stooopid ignorant level - to the point that it was too stressful being around the man because the woman clowned too much for me.

When I am faced with a Clown and a Fool - I can go either way - Get Ignorant right with them, Ignore them or Fight them - so I had to end those 2 friendships - for my own peace of mind.

And I really miss them - funny, make you literally roll on the floor laughing, generous - one of them could cook his azz off

Just good friends - and men can give some of the BEST ADVICE to women ABOUT RELATIONSHIP ISSUES that women have with their men

sooo - yeah I was pained

On my profile is a picture of 4 guys

the 1st two have earrings - the second two don't

The 1st two on the left in the photo are:

Honor Roll Students
Work Jobs

The far left guy - also is Captain of the Basketball Team and Point Guard as well as Running Back for the Football team and the Number one 100 yard dash runner for the school's track team
He also has been enrolled in College since Middle School and he graduates from High School Next Year.
He wears an earring

The 2nd guy from the left
He attends a University in Washington DC
Only had 2 - C letter grades on his High School report Card - the other 82 grades A's and B's
He had academic honors in Biology, Chemistry, Physics, Algebra, Trigonometry, Statistics, English
He has been a Spanish Tutor for the past 4 years
Works at the local Financial Bank as a Teller since his High School Years
Volunteers at Homeless Shelter in his spare time
He wears an earring in his ear and in his tongue

The 2 on the right side
Under Achievers
Are Not Achieving to their Potential
Are floating and do just the bare minimum to get by academically

The 1st One with the black cap
Is into Gymnastics - and stands 6'4 - and is excellent
His Dad was a Power Tumbler and Represented the U.S. in the Olympics - Jr. Olympics
He is Excellent in anything Physical - Sports, Boxing, Gymnastics, Swimming, Horseback Riding (Works with and Trains Horses)
He doesn't wear an earring
He has very long hair

The Last One on the Right
Computer Nerd - HOURS AND DAYS ON END
Doesn't work hard in school
Very quiet
Stands 6'5
Is the twin to the 1st one on the very far left
He doesn't wear an earring

I said all of this because LOOKS CAN BE DECEIVING - Jewelry or lack thereof and length of hair doesn't determine success, desire to achieve, lazy or driven - it strictly resides within a person - because those 2 earring wearers - WORK THEIR AZZ OFF and whatever woman gets them will be one helluva lucky girl - because they ARE GOING PLACES.  The one on the far left said - "Before I leave this Earth - I won't rest until I Have Made My Mark in this World - I will be SUCCESSFUL."

I realize that cultures are different because even in the U.S. an earring in certain climates isn't going to fly
However - large cities in the U.S. - Chicago, NY, LA, etc. - certain industries such as marketing, graphic design, computers, those areas that hire individuals who have artistic flair - DEFINITELY hire earring wearing (eybrow, nose, tongue, ear, chin, cheek), dreadlock toting, tattoo splattered college, high school and older adults in their corporate environments

I worked Downtown Chicago at one time and saw soo many freakish looking, crazy looking individuals who didn't wear suits - walk out of the IT department at major companies with pink and blue hair - tattoos covering their arms like the skin of a snake - you couldn't see the natural color of the flesh on the arms, earrings, horns in their noses, spiked hair, tennis shoes - UNBELIEVEABLE at a corporate office - but those freakish looking employees worked there and everybody overlooked their appearance because it was told to all employees that those ARTISTIC TYPES were needed (they were the google and facebook creator types that companies were looking for and were relying on) and those companies wanted those types of individuals to feel comfortable and be happy working in that company. So companies went out of the way to provide an environment that was conducive to ALL - listed in the different company mission statements.  This is 2011 - it is definitely more accepted - but if you go into smaller towns, Highly Republican - strait laced areas - YOU WILL NOT SEE PEOPLE being accepted that fit that mold.

I realize Nigeria - overall doesn't accept men wearing earrings or long hair as an acceptable appearance and that appearance is aligned with being lazy, jobless, uneducated, etc. - as my guy shared with me - so you just have to do what they do in Rome and when you get back Home - be that You that you were created to be.

I struggled with this one because as far back as my mind can remember - even at the age of 8 - guys have always tried to either date me or beat me up.

I was a tom boy as a girl - gymnastics, ballet, track, wrestling, football, tree climbing, a life guard at the local community swimming pool. (I am a water freak - LOVE SWIMMING)

I also had brothers and male cousins (lots) that taught me how to fight - I didn't know how to wear high heel shoes until my teenage years and didn't learn to actually walk in them properly until my modeling years IN MY 20s.

So I have always felt more comfortable with men and have been a man-magnet with them and they with me especially when the dating years started.

I intimidate most women because I am photo-genically attractive and also I don't hesitate to speak my mind in a very factual way because I have lived (A LOT) AND have friends in 16 different States in the U.S. - my manner is very outspoken (because of the males I have hung around all my life) though I look very, very feminine - and that's just who I am.  I am well-versed in many areas - thanks to my parents.

The guys I dated and even when I married - ALL of them have had a really hard time accepting my male friends who have been in my life for a long time.  Their female spouses and girlfriends - some are cool with it once it has been proven that we are only friends - some aren't cool with it and despise me.

A long time ago - I stopped trying to please other people - especially women.  A woman will hate you out of ignorance, jealousy, her own insecurity, uncomfortable around you if she thinks you look better than she does and she could be a beautiful woman but not know it and therefore hate you and for many miscellaneous reasons.

To hold down confusion with my mate (if he has a problem with it) and/or my male friends mates - I try to include everyone and introduce people - I also try to befriend the females of my male friends - invite them to a book club with me or a day shopping or over to learn a recipe from her and at the same time share a recipe I have learned - while the men are in another room watching a game or playing chess or cards.

That is how I handle it.  If the female is extremely hostile - I turn into a bitc.h - I don't suffer bitc.hes

I see it this way - once I have gone out of my way to give her the opportunity to be my friend - if she consistently chooses the "enemy door," - I give her what she wants - since the male is my friend before I met her and once she is gone, he will still be my friend.  She can either get over it and get with the program or I can ignore her - stop inviting her to functions and just continue to invite him and basically block her from my video.  You can't force someone to like you - but also don't have to put up with their petty BS either.  They can sulk and play the little BS female games in a room alone.  If they are alone long enough - they'll get the picture.

livedit:
So you saying if a person is "out of shape" then they don't deserve love and happiness?  I'm not in "shape" <--(thin), and I'm in a more than satisfied and happy relationship.  I've never had any complaints about me lacking in *anything.*  You feel me?  I use to have that mentality too that I didn't deserve a real man and to be geninely happy because I was big.  My body size don't make me who I am as a human being and determine my worth.   However,  everyone IS entitled to be with whom they want to be with and has the freedom to choose to be with whom they want to be with.

I understand what you are saying.  Everyone DESERVES love and happiness that is why I ONLY SPEAK FOR MYSELF.

I sacrifice ALOT and GIVE MYSELF AWAY TO TOO MANY and I retain very little for myself and that has been ongoing for soo long.  That I think that if I FINALLY have a say so in something in my life - then I retain the right to say that "I want a Man who is IN SHAPE."

Sex is important to me - I don't have alot to look forward to because I give myself away to too many people.  But Sex has to be something that I look forward to and enjoy.  BIG BELLY is BIG TURN OFF to me - PERSONALLY.  I refuse to waste my time looking for his family jewel that will be my family jewel once we marry.  I want to see it standing proudly - I refuse to have to lift his belly out of the way to find it.  This ain't hide and go seek.  And if his belly is bigger than his azz - FORGET IT!!!

Sit ups, crunches, toning exercises DON'T COST A DIME - they are free - he better put in some sweat hours with himself before he puts any sweat hours in with me.  Because I REFUSE to fake an orgas-m.  I enjoy my orgas-m's too much to go on a pretend trip for any man.  The ones I give him will be real and I want mine real as well.

I don't ask for much but here are the CRITICAL AREAS that HAVE TO BE RIGHT: My relationship with God (I work on daily - because God is the reason for my success and happiness), My mate (SEX, Harmonious relationship - we have to be content with each other), Money - my money HAS TO BE RIGHT and my daily WORKOUT routine (Exercise) - to keep my stress level LOW.

Those areas - Those 4 - ARE NON-NEGOTIABLES  - everything else can be haywire and I can procrastinate on - BUT THOSE 4 HAVE TO BE SPOT ON!

for me anyway

you have a lovely photo on your profile - you should definitely feel good about yourself.

I second that emotion

Happy Birthday Ogugua

I love your posts

Have a great one!!!

[quote author=Sisi_Kill link=topic=626154.msg7973683#msg7973683 date=1300920865]Have you heard the old saying “You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar”? Well that’s the approach that’s being proposed here. Yeah the OP is hurting, his wife just left. . .he feels betrayed but for the sake of his son, he has to be RATIONAL about this and find a less combative way to handle things. Hiring a lawyer is like using a bazooka to hunt a grasshopper, when all that’s needed is some gentle coaxing and you’ll have it leaping into your hands.

Except the woman is just plain evil (seeking a divorce does not make one evil. . .let’s be clear on that) or the man has not be as good a husband as he’s presented himself,  I doubt she wants do deprive him of his son. I’ll even go as far as saying she probably feels bad for what she’s done/doing and will be willing to work something out.  This is why he needs to put aside the hurt from her leaving him and work on being in his son’s life. He shouldn’t do anything to put her on the defensive, SHE HOLDS ALL THE ACES right now because she has something he wants, she's also got the home court advantage.  . . is it fair on the OP? Of course not but that’s the way it is. So what the OP should focus on right now is look for ways to draw her out of her comfort zone and the only way he can do that is by not attacking i.e bringing cut throat lawyer into instead, he should their families. . .his and hers involved it and come up with an amicable less War of The Roses or Kramer vs Kramer way to handle this situation. 

By the way, everyone on this thread has brought emotions into it. . .

- Those screaming for the woman’s head on a silver platter and have deemed her unfit to raise her child do so not because they know her but because they have put their sons, brother’s  cousins and even themselves in OP’s shoes. 
- Those who believe the husband is not the saint he presents himself because no sane woman will just up and leave her husband without a serious underlining issue. . . have put themselves in the woman’s shoes.

ALL EMOTIONS and this is not necessarily a bad thing, after all we are talking about people here.[/quote]I love this

I have to hand it to you - that my dear was AN EXCELLENT RESPONSE.

Logical, ability to see ALL SIDES, truthful

Thank you for your response - VERY, VERY GOOD.

The wrong mate IS ALWAYS a woe

Man or woman

Watch who you accept into your world.

It doesn't take much with women

Pick any subject you will be fine - TRUST ME

AHAHAHAHAHAHA

@ ifyalways



I am well aware

Ujujoan:
Sheeesh woman!

[s]Everybody is telling you to quit and you are still claiming right!

Next thing now you go start to quote bible . . . Na wa oh! [/s]

Musketeer Number 4

And you are talking to me because of whom?

dayokanu:
See wetin scarcity of men don cause for this thread.

Ok I get its end of the month and its time for [size=28pt]P[/size]ublic [size=28pt]M[/size]aintenance [size=28pt]S[/size]chedule

OK Vent on me. And anyone that needs to get some can see me behind curtains I am offering myself for community service

ahahahahahahaha

chaircover:
I agree that shyone pulled the first punch which I am sure she is now probably thinking wasn't such a good idea, but two wrongs don't make a right.

Lets look at it this way, is it worth anyone committing sin and grieving Christ because of a complete stranger that we will never meet in real life? . . .  .  NO I didn't think so.

So Please please & please lets just let this go and lets all move on. Shame we are not all in the UK or I would have got us all together to enjoy a nice lazy day lounging in the garden & having a drink on this bright, nice, sunny spring day

I responded to a writer and I will CONTINUE to respond to writers. If my response was viewed as a "punch" - there will be alot of future incidents - because basically the small statement I made was extremely light weight. I think Shy-One and Company have a MUCH clearer picture of each other THIS BEAUTIFUL MORN.

Anywho - that nice lazy day lounging in the garden sounds like my cup of tea. lololololol - Off to the gym.

adconline:
Do you  believe that Denise Richards never fought for custody? Remember she has her own rap sheet including drug problems?

Noo

I don't think this is Denise - I think it is the 2nd wife - Denise is the 1st that Martin paid - she is QUALITY at least a higher level of quality than the 2nd wife who has substance abuse issues - I think she's the drunk.

She and Charlie physically fought like animals a whole lot.  Her mom is a socialite and has money - but I think that Martin Sheen a Hollywood Legend rolls a bit higher than Brooke's family.  He is a heavyweight that few will go against in Hollywood - He and Carroll O'Connor fell out because Carroll blamed Charlie Sheen a great deal for his son's death and Martin had to go up against Carroll O'Connor who is also a big Hollywood Icon more on a TV level than a Movie Level.

I'm pretty sure it is Brooke Mueller that has the twins that Charlie had custody.  He has more money, so does his dad and his substance abuse problems with the financial capital he has at his discretion can afford to pay nannies on a much higher scale than his 2nd wife.

A woman with a substance abuse problem is more readily willing to walk away from that type of responsibility.  Her sons would benefit much more with their dad than with her.  Martin Sheen as a grandfather is extremely conservative.  Brooke's Mom is a Florida Socialite and attends many social gatherings - Martin is more reclusive and would provide more support to Charlie and if Charlie overdoses or Brooke overdoses the responsible grandparent that would provide security would be Martin Sheen and he would do it more readily as he over obsesses about his family and his lineage.

So he would do the necessary to bring honor to his family name.

But that's just my speculation.  I have been following the Sheen Family for some years. They have been in and out of the news - talk shows, documentaries, interviews, etc.

Wowwww

good for him - he did have custody

Martin Sheen bought custody. I'm sure of that one. Denise - Charlie's first wife stated that she was offered money by the dad to NOT GO THROUGH WITH THE DIVORCE - she worked with Martin Sheen for many years but was forced finally into the divorce because of the substance abuse from Charlie.

He is quite a fire cracker.

Charlie didn't have custody - i believe he had visitation - Charlie has been struggling since Hugh's suicide drug induced death.

Martin Sheen is Charlie's Dad - Millionaire/Billionaire - Ex Actor - Pulls many strings in Hollywood - Charlie still has the drug problem from the death of a close friend, Hugh O'Connor, Caroll O'Connor's (Archie Bunker) son.

Martin is the reason Charlie had the kids in the first place.  His dad keeps paying off the women for the past 20+ years to keep quiet about the drug and alcohol abuse - it is a slur on the family name.  The women have discussed it.  From his first wife to his second wife to the hooker in the hotel. (recently)

quote by Busy_Body

Don't go preaching to me how justice is served cos you don't know nowt about me and i ain't mixing up nothing Undecided i ain't like the crass and classless shy-one blowing her trumpet all over how she is this and that, sad pathetic soul that she is

EPITOME of a crass and class-less person is one who talks as you just did.  A person of Class would have stayed to the points such as adconline.  That is a person of class - while the confusion is floating around him - he is continuing to discuss the topic.

Get a clue - people with class don't call other people class-less.  You don't even know that simple truth.  So any points you make on Legal Matters to the Poster -  I can be assured that the majority of those points are full of holes.

You identified adconline as one who is long winded - throwing a slur his way.  And you call me Class-less.  No training.  None.  Etiquette NOWHERE IN SIGHT.

[quote author=Busy_body link=topic=626154.msg7966260#msg7966260 date=1300836110]See the height of your joblessness, SMH This was addressed to Nike, and until she comes out to say how she feels this has threatened her, keep your piehole shut and mind ya, and stop trying to kiss her a.r.s.e, so obvious  [/quote]What I won't do is back down from you. My mouth shuts - when you stop addressing me - you and 2 Pac Kadry don't scare me, control me, dictate my intent, words, or meanings.

The one who is stuck to my legs is YOU. Notice that you can't stay away from me. I type to one person - here you come like a viral infection.

emmatok:
My Uncle had a similar issue with his Ex. He went to the US, got the custody of his kid and brought them back to Nigeria.

One thing we must realize is that both parties(Husband and Wife) are not Americans and if they are not separated that child will be brought back to Nigeria citizenship or not.

And the court do not award  child custody based on gender, but on responsibility.

Both parties are their to prove who is more responsible.

And if the child get to certain age, he can decide who he wants to live with.

A PREVIOUS WORK acquaintance - got a divorce - her husband got full custody of all 3 kids - the wife was had just graduated from college as a paralegal and she worked - the husband collectively with his family together proved they could care for those children better than the wife.  The judge (white male) agreed - he said it would allow the wife time to get a good job and focus on her career and the judge noted that the wife was solo and would be a single mom.  The judge noted that the husband his mom and his dad were in a better position to care for the child financially, physically and emotionally than the mom.

Her coworkers had to listen to her rantings about the entire sordid matter.

THAT HAPPENED right here in America.

Gender means nothing - it is who can prove their worth in the life of the child and that is real in a COURT OF LAW.

a married man?

she's not going to see that $$$ again - it's gone

bhusayor:
SMH

You ve got an unidentified problem!

I m not having any one on one with you cos i dont have the strength ok?

Call me whateva you want to call me, just have it at the back of your mind that it doesnt change a thing about me!

*sits back to enjoy the thread*

@ Bhusayor

I wouldn't dare change who you are - you just keep on being YOU

I wasn't the one spewing hate AT YOU

The Unidentified Problem is with you.

No you won't have a One-on-One with me

Three-On-One is more up your alley

Bravery at its finest.  You should be quite proud of yourself.

quote by obowunmi

Well I live there but school else where. U nko ? Are you single ?

Yes I am single but am unavailable

Where do you school?

obowunmi:
Shy-One, didn't I speak with you ?   Kai, this is only an online forum, don't give yourself blood pressure.

In Which I Do Adore.

The Anger Passed about 2 Hours Ago As You Will See in My Posts - Devoid of Emotion. Once It dawned on me that the witches will cackle because that is just who they are. I Have low blood pressure actually.

I am actually typing in other threads. And preparing for an 8am apptmt I have tomorrow.

I love Men they are so calm - you guys can read these threads and not respond and just overlook the stupidity of it all. I really love seeing that - women are sooo over the top we could really learn from you men.

Ooops there I go again - watch the hens REALLY TEAR INTO ME NOW!!! LOLOLOLOLOLOL

Don't compliment the men because then you are the main meal, ahahahahahahahahaha

OK Obowunmi

R u really in Lekki?

@ Poster

Keep the focus on the marriage you have with your wife.

Research Your Rights prior to making any decisions.  There are several writers that are Spot On and Quite Helpful.