₦airaland Forum

@ Tom28

I read only a few of your responses - you are very logical

Disengage yourself and move to greener pastures - Those that needed your message have definitely received it and have seen the truth in it.  Those that just want to argue will keep making paltry attempts to pull it apart at the edges. Leave them to waste their time. You have a bigger calling.

You have made your points - your points speak for themselves

I agree with the majority of your thought process

GenBuhari:
People stop engaging this troll.

All she has done throughout is say negative things about Nigerians and at the same time accusing Nigerian who retaliate of being racists.

She has refused to answer a simple yes or no question:

Does she think Germans are superior to Nigerians?
I had put this question to her twice before and she has ignored or side stepped the question.

Completely agree with this writer

GenBuhari:
@tom28,
Note that not all posters on this thread are Nigerians, many other nationalities are posting.
Do not sink to her level by being negatives about whites. You and I know that whites are no better and no worse than us  -we are all humans

Remember the saying: don't argue with fool - because it may be difficult for a stranger observing the argument to immediately distinguish who the fool really is.

Spot On!

eddy1977:
whats up with denver?

r u in denver ?

Noooo

I just know the Ft. Collins Colorado area VERY WELL

There is no place quite like Colorado - loved the locals in that area - very non-assuming, laid back, the living is easy. College Town - Colorado State University

Freezing though

the scenery is breathtaking

Have you every stayed in a cabin up in the mountains in Colorado? The architect of the homes - I can write a book about. Light a fire in the fireplace, feel and see the snow through a pane of glass. Listen to the wind tear through the mountains.

{shy-one tears up missing days gone by}

My dad died in Colorado - never a finer man to meet.

ahahahahahaha

he said he likes it in the morning

i am not really a morning girl

i am going to have to order this here equipment

@ OP

Thanks for the thought process

Also - you must not get out often

Many people cheat because they enjoy new and different and the stay-at-home loyal partner didn't do anything wrong.

Denver huh?

@ Eddy:

There is such thing as a mistake and a definite act.

He didn't slip and fall on new puzzy.  He invited another woman into his bed.  This isn't an accident to be forgiven.  It also isn't an act that should be condemned or judged by hanging the guy on a tree.

This is a discussion on a thread with a young woman getting ready to make a "LIFE ALTERING DECISION ABOUT HER NEXT 40-50 YEARS."

It is daft to equate going to her bf's house as stalking.  And ludicrous to tell the poster to apologize because her fiance who pledged himself to her DID intentionally misplace his peenis in a va-jay-jay that didn't belong to her.   So she should apologize for his intentional act of betrayal, apologize for her going to his/her fiancee's home and apologize for getting upset.

He has misled her to believe that he "loves her." His receipt of her level 3 tsunami should come with thanks that he didn't push her richter any higher.

"My woman is a free human being" - yeaaaahhh right!!! You know you don't even believe that one.  Let her cheat 1977 - let her cheat - your tenor will jump soprano octaves.

@ Eddy

Hollywood isn't a good example.  Few marriages last in Hollywood.

The real world is what you make it.  You are in charge of your video - she is still putting her life together and she can choose - a cheater he has proven himself to be.

@ OP

The Sins of the Father - Thank God You Found Out Before any Nuptials - This is Your Chance to Now Make An Informed Choice. You Make The Wrong Choice - "You Only Have Yourself To Blame."

you don't have to lie on me because I didn't agree with you

I am not cursing

Jesus turned over tables and got violent - many of you writers have WRONGLY aligned your thought with Christians being complacent and not "down to earth" people - TRY TO BE A LITTLE BIT AWARE OF the contents of the bible.

Every marriage doesn't consist of one spouse cheating while the other spouse forgives.

Your awareness of  what makes "a long marriage" doesn't make a "healthy and happy marriage full of few regrets."

There are men and women who don't cheat

Why would you encourage a woman to SETTLE?  She isn't married yet - she still has an ability to choose THE RIGHT MATE.

CAN YOUR WOMAN CHEAT ON YOU?

Come on down to earth and answer that question.

@ Poster

Do you believe in the bible?

"The sins of the father pass to the son" --- Do you plan on having children by this man? Need I say more? Find out if your fiancee has a dad that cheats. Let's see if the bible speaks truth.

You are being shown what this man's weaknesses are, don't listen to us

Look at him, realize that there is a HUGE POSSIBILITY that this woman will be one of many to come - even after the marriage.

Your children will see this behavior as normal such as some of the male writers - telling you to go get your man {cheaters belong only to themselves, the gossipers and newspaper writers as those are the ones who will share his story, which will be your story if you marry him}.

You have also been advised to get in a phocking contest - maybe you can phock him into being your husband by allowing him to stretch your va-jay-jay walls to an unrecognizable proportion before he leaves you for another - leaving you as leftover scraps for a man who would love you enough to be faithful and wait on you as you wait on him.

You have been assumed to be a naughty woman and it is your fault that the "dangling stinking beast" between his legs can't maintain its integrity.

I'm sorry I will take a broke, busted and disgusted man over a wealthy cheater who is also a liar as they can never be trusted.  A loyal, honest broke man can change his lot in life and make money.  A cheater will keep you down, depressed, embarrassed, insecure and in constant doubt about your place in the home, his life and his heart.

You better have a very strong constitution, a heart of stone, a thick skin, ability to look the other way.  Cheaters are never satisfied; save every dime you can get your hands on - their is a strong likelihood that you will be replaced on many different levels.

Good luck if you marry him.

FACT:  A CHEATING MAN OR WOMAN ONLY BELONG TO THEMSELVES

they belong to NO ONE - their cheating ways ENSURES that THEY ARE THE ONLY HAPPY ONE IN THE RELATIONSHIP

Most cheaters are overly jealous
Overly suspicious of their mates

because they fear that their mate will do the same thing they are doing - which means they can't eat the same dish they serve to others.

Bill Clinton's lascivious azz turns my stomach - Good for Hilary - she has a job that keeps her away from home so she doesn't have to look at the louse on the regular - look at them now - they are never together and she looks older than her years.  She is in a LOVELESS MARRIAGE.

@ OP

If he is intelligent - how smart could he have been to have the woman in his home - knowing that you his fiancee might check on him? 

If he has money - did his cash stop your tears when you caught him?  Did his cash stop you from coming on NL to post?

So let's say he is salvageable - Ask him if you can have sex with someone and will he still marry you? 

How many times are you going to relive the scene you saw?  How many times?  Can you kiss him knowing that he had his mouth, hands and everything else on another woman - a woman that YOU SAW WITH YOUR OWN EYES?

How smart is that man?  His stupidity makes me know without a doubt that I wouldn't want him in charge of me, my finances or anything else. 

This is 2011 - you are not your parents.

Your fiancee sounds like he has a GREAT GRASP ON IMMEDIATE GRATIFICATION and SATISFYING HIS URGES WHETHER YOU ARE AROUND OR NOT. He proved that you mattered not in that equation. I wonder does he love you enough to allow you to do the same? What do you think?

Please save yourself and us the headache and trouble

run poster run

Unless you see yourself as one of those women who look the other way and abide being one of his many sex partners while everyone around you is talking about his escapades and his poor wife

If you have children by him - is it ok with you that there is a large possibility that your children will be humiliated and embarrassed by daddy's loose roving eye as well

run

run for yourself and your future generations

4 years you have been together and he had someone else in his house, in his bed

If 4 years didn't bond you together enough to prevent him from wandering - 20 years won't either - he will do the same thing - single or married.

You should walk away and never look back.

Do everything BUT ANSWER THE PHONE OR DOOR WHEN HE COMES CALLING - let him know how it feels to look for you at 5am

Focus on your life WITHOUT HIM IN IT.

You include him after this - you will be posting on:
[list]
[li]NL[/li]
[li]he-drove-me-crazy.com[/li]
[li]help-me-tame-his-loose-d?ck.net[/li]
[/list]

and bending our ear and our patience having to hear you cry/rap "I got the blues and I wanna kill this nigga" every few weeks

Older men ALL THE WAY!

Older men rock - totally, totally love their swagggger.

Sex is great, patient, understanding, money, many can cook and many times they afford more leniency to relaxing the rigid gender roles/duties, etc.

Hey MzDark:

No - He wants to take me there - so we are going to go.

It looks good - so I will tell you my experience - we will go later this year.

I have been great - really, really great. Just buried in work and soo busy - only a few minutes here and a few minutes there to watch 30 min of TV or 20 min of Nairaland every few days or so.

How are you? Have you been to Africa?

Sun City South Africa

That is for us.

quote by Mrs. Chima

I do not "hate" but despise sensitive people who think that everything and everybody are against them. They can't accept the fact that some people could care less about them.

They will cry at the drop of the hat which annoys the hell out of me. Dumb sensitive people always trying to get into poo and then cry wolf when they are put in their places.

I despise finger pointers they are so quick to justify why they do the things or say the things they do and then want to get all biblical when they are brought down a notch or two.

Finger pointers are "wannabes" as well. For example, they will say they are religious and are devout believers moments later they are acting like Satan's spouse. Be who you are and stick with it.

I thank God for religion because it is there to help you improve yourself. Chima if you read your bible and are aware of its contents you will actually see that THE MAJORITY OF THE BIBLE talks about brimstone, fire, love, etc. All the prophets as well as God and Jesus got angry about injustice, got angry about ignorance they saw in people and not only spoke on it but got violent as well and quoted God in their anger. None of WHICH was Satanic. Jesus turned and kicked over tables, told people off, screamed and yelled, walked on water, talked to spirits, told off his parents, straightened out people in the Synagogue.

You sound like you have "inaccurately" aligned being a Christian with "meek/mild behavior that is to remain the same at all times." IT is good to know your history so you don't wrongly assume that those who believe in God are people who say nothing, are quiet, have their ankles crossed and sit with their hands in their lap and/or have the same behavior. If you know the bible even a little bit - you won't be annoyed or despise people who do turn to God for direction during a discussion - as God's advice trumps all else. And true worshippers know when to turn to God - whereas in your eyes you see it as "changing behavior" - in essence many times a change of direction is needed and has nothing to do with being brought up or down a notch, foot or mile.

Also be aware that though you might see or translate someone as being brought down - there could be 50 people [b]sitting behind you [/b]that saw that same discussion/scene as one in which that same person was lifted up. I know no one that acts the same. Referring others to God is the best reference that anyone can receive. It's better than Brittanica, the history channel, he say/she say, academic learning, etc.

Being referred to God should prompt gratitude, not censor or sarcasm - whether it is in a discussion or not. Many times I have had a discussion that turned heated and I was referred to God by the other individual - I didn't get angry. My mind goes like this: maybe I needed someone to make that referral and I should close my mouth to receive it - because God blesses those that shove the animosity, ego, satire, anger, despicable feelings behind them and heed the message.

It isn't about losers or winners - it is what did God put you here to learn. You didn't get here alone.

@ OP

The problem doesn't lie with them.  It lies with you both.  Neither of you are being honest with the other at the start of the relationship.  You yourself stated that "you tried all you could to be humble but you couldn't endure it for long - meaning you can't hold your own self back from speaking your mind and/or putting up with women who seemed mild/meek initially but turned into being more demanding and full of themselves later in the relationship."

I don't do the pretend, pretense and neither do I misrepresent who I am or what I want to my mate.  Because I know that you have to live with the image you create.

My guy has known from DAY ONE - that I have "many different facets" - blame it on the "White, Indian, African" bloodlines.  He is aware that there are times that I am fierce or quiet or shy or bold.  That is my storm that resides in me.  I TOLD HIM DAY ONE.  Depending on the action that approaches me - my reaction will be varied.  That is who I am - no pretense on any level - I have many colors.  As we get to know each other - we know the color for that day and carry forth from there.  He enjoys me because he loves variety.  His inner nature is one of creativity so my brand and his brand go very well together.

My advice to you is to LOVE YOURSELF FIRST and choose a mate that will compliment the you that you are.  Stop under-representing the REAL YOU AND YOUR DESIRES FROM THE START - If you like meek women stop being meek at the start of the relationship for fear of scaring off potentials (which is what it sounds like you are doing because up the road you are THEN TURNED OFF with what you receive).

Be the bold persona that you wear FROM DAY ONE and those that are attracted to that person will appear - from the crowd that gathers around you, I'm pretty sure that you will find some to your liking.  

Also starting with God First should even any odds you might have in your selection.

LOVE IS THE MOST TOLERANT in the relationship.

It is fact that whoever loves the other partner more - will be the most tolerant - I mean true love not ignorance calling itself love to their particular level of understanding.

Patience is key to tolerance - Men who are really in love will be more patient and tolerant with a woman who married for money or married just to say they are now married. I have seen men get walked over by women that didn't love them and I have seen vice versa. Women who loved the man more than the man loved the woman.

I say Love is the Most Tolerant and whoever Love Resides within the more will be the more tolerant partner in that relationship.

esteduca:
Lolz. We both realised this some time after.

@ OP

Listen to this one.  It is spot on!

SexyDuby:
d guy's obviously seeing different babes & will make a decision among all of u. My dear, u better knw wat ure doin esp. if ure btw  25-30.

@op

You should be aware that her Actions ARE AND HAVE SPOKEN for her - HER WORDS ARE NOT so stop listening to her.

Her Mouth: - words are easy and cheap
She confessed
She told me
She said this
She promised that
(yada yada yada yada - blah, blah, blah, blah)

Her Actions: - proves loyalty and/or also unveils crooks and liars
[list]
[li]She spread her legs for another,
She sends her lover YOUR text message you sent to her professing your love and adulation FOR HER - SHE SENT IT TO HIM AS THOUGH SHER WROTE IT TO HIM - which really mocks both you and him - [Shy one gives a very sick and shocking LOLOLOLOLOL] [/li]
[/list]

You are on NL - speaking out loud what you should do.   IF you felt you should stay with her - you wouldn't be on NL asking for advice from strangers.  You know her better than we do.  You know that you should move on.  But you don't want to, because a) you are holding on to a love that is OVER  and b) you don't want to disappoint family and c) you spent money on her so you see the investment loss.

Let me ask you this: 

1) When she is pregnant will it be yours without a doubt?
2)  You and I both know that she wouldn't have shared any of this if you hadn't discovered the text message - she lacks honesty and forthrightness - she is lying to you because she was caught - she will sleep with him again if given the chance and I can bet she has slept with him so many times that she has lost count but it is safer to tell you ONE TIME than to spell out the many different times for fear of crushing you further and/or condemning herself to BIG OLE' LovePeddler in your eyes - she will sleep with another, not just him - even once married to you because I deeply believe that what a person does when single will be similar to what they do once married (her consciousness is her consciousness however developed or undeveloped she has carved it) - her loyalty wasn't to you even after the money, the engagement, your discovery of her deceit. 

She is running scared of you, her parents, your parents, people that know the 2 of you are involved with each other and she is spoon shovel feeding you answers that she is piecing together out of desperation/fear and a part of her is actually relieved that you are now aware of the other guy so DON'T BELIEVE the "he doesn't want to marry her and that evil is the reason she spread those thighs," - he very well might want to marry her but you are still in the picture and the elders anticipation of a wedding is there as well so she hasn't seriously entertained the idea yet.  You never know. Now that she knows that you know - her next steps could be to release you from the relationship.

My advice:

Move on - God will hold, caress and care for you emotionally, spiritually and physically while you recover from this Mishlebach and will introduce you to your "mate" who will honor you by keeping her legs crossed in the presence of other men, among other things.

@ OP

My mate better only cry in front of me when a family, friend, coworker passes from this level of existence or he is in some type of pain that he hasn't been able to overcome.  Any other reason - we will need to renegotiate the relationship to review its validity.  That is how serious I am about him NOT CRYING IN FRONT OF ME.


@ Esteduca:

Divorce?  Crying?  Please that should have been a time of celebration: She should have broke out in dance and song because now She can take time to inner evolve to recreate herself because life is full of discovery and investigation and that is sooo much FUN!!!!

Her Song: "Shackles Off My Feet - I Can Dance"

@ OP

You know what to do

So do it.

Call him - you know it is the right thing to do.

A very dear and close friend of mine died last week. He Always said to me: "YOU CAN NEVER DO WRONG DOING RIGHT."

Call him.

@ OP

Honestly, how can you know the difference?

It's easy if you "KNOW THE PERSON PERSONALLY AND YOU HAVE HISTORY WITH THAT INDIVIDUAL" - THEN yes I agree.  You can label a pretender as a pretender.

In that case - I would say a cheater/liar is who I hate the most. 

The rest are insignificant because:

Haters [/b]are everywhere so all you can do with that type of person is PITY THEM as they waste too much time on BS when they should be focusing on improving their own lot in life; [b]Pretenders are in existence for our entertainment and humor - they are clowns in black face and mime - and disappear as a puff of smoke when called to task on anything real - brought to the light at their own expense and downfall; Back biters implode, self destruct as everyone knows that venom spreads - backbiters are gossipers who expose themselves to everyone as common sense dictates that if they talk to you about others - they talk about you to others as well- their lifespan of friendship and social rise is short lived.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

However, if you don't know a person such as very few of us on NL really know the other to know what they are or aren't.  I find it[b] truly ignorant [/b]of any one of us to "label" the other unless you really know that individual.

Example:   Some NL writers are quick to label anyone that doesn't agree with their thought process as being a "pretender, hypocrite or liar."  Their truth MUST BE EVERYONE ELSE'S TRUTH.

And that just isn't how it works on ANY LEVEL.

rokiatu:
Start by learning to stop being a whiny girl who compares herself to her friends.

One thing I hate is comparing myself to other people. Why compare when we are all different and unique?

For Christ sake, your self worth shouldn't be in the hands of people.

Just because guys pay more attention to your friends, you automatically assumed they are all prettier than you?
Somebody shot me please! It really does seem ridiculous to take an opinion as the expression of a truth about you.
I don't understand why the words and actions of guys suddenly have the authority to define who you are    
Women (and indeed people) come in all shapes and sizes and attraction remains relative and subjective.
Some men like big backside, some don't. Not every men like big bosoms either.


Here's the thing, you will always be you, doesn't matter whether a zillion guys compliments or criticize you. Nothing will add or subtract from your look.
You get to decide your self image. Not other people. The clue is in the word "SELF image". It belongs to you.

Roki:

Excellent advice.

I agree.

@ Chima and Crude:

I seriously doubt that her issues are deep issues.  She sounds very young - most young women even those coined beautiful are insecure.  She just sounds a little insecure.  Let's not rack up a therapy bill just yet. lolololo

A large majority of women when they look back in their life - they usually say "I wish I knew then what I know now" and "I hated my younger years - I was soo insecure and unsure."

To me - she sounds a little insecure - she doesn't sound on any level like she has deep rooted issues that require professional help.  I think assuming that she needs quakery versus logical thinking (not a pep talk) will do wonders for her - if she applies herself to her own video in a different manner.

@ OP

You'll be just fine - focus on YOU.

My advice to you is to be very much aware that "you are beautiful and desirable."

Here is a FACT:  BEAUTY IS AN ATTITUDE.

Lift your head, throw your shoulders back and carry yourself as the goddess you are - dress as well as you have knowledge to dress. 

Beauty is more of an aura, an attitude, an essence that everyone can carry and can be.  Beauty is gentleness, love, understanding, kindness, adventure, joy, meekness, strength and courage when needed.  That is beauty and when you possess those inner qualities they shine too bright for the world not to see.  They pour from your lips, eyes, mouth, your every action and reaction.  And they are beautiful things to see when you look in the mirror and when others look at you.

People will comment on your hair, skin, eyes, persona - because most people aren't aware that the beauty they are noting is actually that which is from within.  I have seen a plain girl who is fantastic in the manner that she carries herself and receives much more attention because of her swag.  "Though we couldn't put our finger on any one particular quality that she possessed - we did see right away - There was just so many different things about her that commanded admiration, attention and respect from onlookers and she wasn't necessarily a movie star in her appearance but men and women noticed her up close and from afar as being uniquely special." And they used the word "beautiful" when they described her to others. But by society standards (those vary) she was considered plain. But few noticed her plainness because she was so creative and quality in her dress, her walk, her talk and enunciation was flawless, intelligent and attractive to all that heard her voice. Her hair was well cared for, her skin as well - clear and supple. Be the very best that you can be and maintain it.

YOU SHOULD BE THAT PERSON - focus on you - highlight your features - stop comparing yourself to others - you are wasting time doing that - focus on your features - there are many many men that love women of your complexion, shape, height - YOU STAND OUT in your current crowd.

Your focus should be on changing how YOU VIEW YOUR CROWD AND YOUR POSITION IN THAT CROWD and not focusing on HOW YOU COMPARE TO WHO STANDS NEXT TO YOU.  Don't change your crowd - change your view of YOURSELF.  Focus on shining and standing out IN ANY CROWD.  That is my focus - I encourage you to make it YOUR FOCUS AS WELL.

Don't forget that "I told you so."

I look forward to your coming back to this thread sharing experiences testifying to that very real fact.

@ OP

Let me tell you how this works.  I am one of those so-called beautiful looking chicks you mentioned.  I have several female friends that hang out with me and each of us are beauties in our own right.

You also are a beauty.  I have a few friends who are similar to you in looks and this is what they said to me.  They get more men hanging with me as we get more noticed.  My other female friends, those who are beautiful and have attitudes - run the guys off and those guys run to the other women in our circle(s).  A few of those women are now married to some really, really handsome, hardworking, good guys because they hung out with us.  SO it is a plus from what my friends have told me - hanging with me/us.

Life is exciting - why not enjoy the attention?  Why not enjoy learning from other women and having a comraderie with other women beautiful, plain, not so plain, etc.

Also - beauty is in the eye of the beholder - you would actually be surprised at the number of men that don't like flashy, very noticeable women or who think that you are absolutely beautiful.  Many times you would stand out in a crowd of such women - have you even thought of it in that manner?

Being noticed does give you more options in mates.  I say - keep hanging with your friends.  You are definitely being noticed.  Also WE ARE ALWAYS OUR WORST CRITIC.  So stop being hard on yourself.  Enjoy yourself right now with your friends.  Be appreciative of who you are, what you are and the friends that you have.

@ OP

Record him - call him up - revisit the conversation you had initially with him regarding her.   He sounds enough like an attention getter to repeat what he said to you earlier on the phone and just because you called him back - I'm sure he will add additional ignorant words to describe her in his battery against her "his cowardly/paltry attempts to run people off."  Let him talk - put your cell phone on speaker mode and tape the conversation.

Then go to her - and follow the writer ice's advice - before you do anything - lead her out verbally to find out how she sees him. When she is finished lifting him up with praises (as many women are blind to azzholes).

Only after she describes him to you - then tell her you want her to listen to something and play the tape for her to hear him in all of his "glory."

Therefore, you aren't bad talking him - just let her hear it for herself.

I PROMISE YOU - IT WORKS LIKE A CHARM EACH AND EVERY SINGLE TIME.

I did that and the results were absolutely mahhhhvelous.  You don't have to say a word.  Let him do all the talking and allow her to hear it in his own voice, his own words.  Tell her that you thought it was important enough for her to hear it for herself prior to accepting any marriage offers from his direction.

Don't worry about what other people say - record him.  It was the best small investment I ever made.  I have tape recording equipment big and small.  I recommend it highly.

I'm sorry but when I read this - I HURT INSIDE

Let me tell you why

Many people aren't forthright - they are so "politically correct" and so "etiquette proper" - that they will mask their feelings on REALLY IMPORTANT issues - which hurts because I DETEST IT sooo.

This scenario - a man misled by a "few marks" but goes ahead and has sex, spends the night(s) - and on and on til the break of more than one dawn.  She might have thought she "found the one."  To discover upon the end of a great weekend that she has been considered "a liar."

Come Monday - from a safe distance - the bomb is dropped by her Mr. Wonderful.  As a woman I would be enraged.  However, she sold herself cheap - she let a random stranger into her life too quickly w/no investigation/research.

Women:  I urge you to value yourself, who and what you are.  Don't sell yourself cheap.  If he waited for the 20 years before he even knew your name - he can wait some months so you can get to know each other - before you spread your beautiful legs.

Beware of Vermin