₦airaland Forum

spicymum:
@Miss Ife and everyone else:

"Best: don't involve any third party in your marriage and, especially, don't discuss your relationship's issues with friends (or anybody else actually), discuss them with your husband directly."

I agree. But what happens when your husband WOULD NEVER discuss anything with you, or LISTEN when you need to talk or even give you the opportunity to start any discussion I am talking long term, not just for a few nights or days.

use your best judgment and the know the kinds of third party you involve

OP

are you over 30/35? 'cause age does affect your fertility.

dont worry about it too much now. its too early. you start worrying more about fertility issues when you have continuous tried for 1year unprotected and still no luck not when its only 3 months. remember stress also decreases your chances of conceiving too 'cause it messes up your cycle.

you still have LOTS of chance. try new positions in the bed, eat healthy, monitor/time your ovulation cycle etc. however, if you're still over worried you  might try seeing your OBGYN especially if you are over 30/35 to make sure everything is in place.

Good Luck and dont worry too much. be optimistic, it will happen for you. your bundle of joy is on the way

[quote author=na2day? link=topic=412927.msg5716143#msg5716143 date=1268887275]it wasn't easy, i thank God for white women they have been very helpful, after i told them they r like angels compared to u [/quote]dey there na dey do 'white me,white women' i hear sef, their own method is more deadly and more painful than suicide

how can there ever be peace, real peace when/where is there injustice

iice:
[color=#9900ff]I can't sit for micro. I only do medium size to big braids. Too impatient to sit for hours.
[/color]

same here. the long hrs on the seat deters me from doing even individuals most of the time and when you have a head full of hair its a double whammy

iice:
[color=#9900ff]Mine doesn't smell with regards to washing it. One has to air it out properly.
As for messing up the braids, it does do that. However i think those who carry braids for only 2 weeks are not in danger of it messing up too quickly. Me, i dey carry my own reach 2 months and i like it better when it starts getting messier than when it's fresh.[/color]

that scares me. i use those braids spray instead

maybe the most favorite color for GIRLS not for ladies

doesn't continuous braiding of hair damage/weakens it?

madlady:
I am very sorry you have had such a bad time but, I really think it must be a coincidence.

rokiatu:
Was she the problem? I don't know, am not God I can not possibly answer this but i must say whatever happened, happened for the best.
Hopefully u have learned so much from this experience that u know now how to handle such problem and situation. As for the girl, you did the bestest
thing to drop her assszzz.

this is a joke.

OP, i too laughed when i first heard the joke

well i tried

FL Gators:
[size=18pt]SERIOUSLY?? ?? ?? [/size]

Cant imgagine Sissy being a good girl

[/quote][quote author=Judgegeorge007 link=topic=249630.msg5716102#msg5716102 date=1268885160]I think your doctor needs to get laid.i mean seriously.how in the wild world should you judge a 15 month old kid.if i were you i'll get another doctor to take care of the kid.what does she want him to be.a retard? Next time she says something as dumb as that.give her a kick where the sun don't shine.my regards to your lil' kid.

agree. because at this rate, she is most likely to confuse you even more

Best:

"While children are very, very important, I always say that the best thing couples can do for their children is to put their marriages first. If they don't, there won't be a marriage".

adetoru:
If divorce is as traumatic as they say why not work it out?Some people take years to get over a divorce,if you you loved the person that much Why not work it out?

some marriages are 'unworkable'. the more you try to repair it, it more it gets worst. so, in many cases the best and only option for all the parties involved is divorce.

and the reason why it takes many, years to recover from it is because of the trauma they have endured in the marriage. you can imagine a woman who was repeatedly abused both physically, mentally and emotionally and after going through the trauma of such 'marriage' you don't just expect her to recover quickly from those abuses especially the emotional ones. its is a gradual recovery process for many because their 'marriage' was a long journey.

and you cant tell her, since it will take you more to recover from the sadistic marriage, you might as well stay in it and 'work' it out, cause you know what that implies.

iice:
[color=#9900ff]Yes ooo. . .synthetic and all.  Sometimes carry my braid new braids to the beach [/color]

slimfine:
@SISSY: YES if I use human hair. if not, the synthetic hair tangles and I really cannot handle that.

doesnt it smell? and doesnt it mess up your braids?

what do you mean by

[quote author=gombo_s link=topic=414572.msg5709986#msg5709986 date=1268818183]hey i wanted to ask if one can believe in the theory of race and still be a good, if yes how and if no why? share your opinions thanx[/quote]

rokiatu:
If you are thinking of taking any of your relatives there, pls do not.

maybe he might need to when he's on a tight schedule, and dont have enough money to bring a home-health caretaker for him.

OP, you didnt answer this

chaircover:
Where

how are you dear?

i wonder why you're still alive after our divorce

am not certain of homosexuality, cos i wouldnt even work towards reviving such marriage. its just a betrayal of everything which i cant think of mending.

for you to help someone with any addiction, there must be an admittance of a problem and need for recovery/help from the person before you can help them. you cant help someone who thinks he has no problem.

cant we incorporate both in homes?

the reason why the OP is finding it hard moving on is because of this 'high expectations' that we place on our 'pastors'. we hold in such high esteem that we forget that they are also human beings like us with temptations and people who must fight hard as us to avoid such temptations.

so until he dispels that myth, he will never forget the pass of this wife. your pastor is just like any other man your wife would have/have slept with. nothing difference, forget all those 'sunday sunday medicine'. if you still cant get over seeing your pastor as just any man who had a fling with your wife before marriage, you might trying changing a new church/religion. try to free your mind and see it as just one of those shortcomings of man. its not as if she is still doing it after marriage.

people seriously need to stop/quit having all this high expectations of their pastors for the sake for sanity.

[quote author=Busy_body link=topic=401266.msg5702185#msg5702185 date=1268732917]Someone likened catching a cheating spouse caught in the act to a leaking roof and asked "WOULD YOU LEAVE A LEAKING ROOF TO LEAK OR ATTEMPT TO MEND IT"

I no sabi whether this na good or bad advice, but i DEFINITELY know i no be roofer or carpenter or joiner or whacchumacallit. And what am i supposed to be mending or patching? The trespassing ho's leaking roof/kitten OR my errant man's nail that caused the roof/toto to be leaking? ! ! ![/quote]i like that analogy!. it would either be a good/bad advice depending on how the person answers the roof question.

rubi:
Don't compare your marriage with other peoples marriage b/c they will do or say things to tickle your ears

definitely agree with this. many couple tend to parade their marriage as this "happy, model" marriage that is sure to make you question your own abilities and your marriage, while in reality these so called 'happy, loving, model marriages" are rocky and neck tugging marriages.

makes sense that they would be more suicidal than women. apart from divorce men generally have a higher suicidal rate than women.

many people sink into deep clinical depression after/during divorce but i think the rate of suicidal is higher for men than women because women tend to have a large support group than men. they are more willing to join support group, seek therapy than men. few men tend to seek therapy during hard times like divorce, they prefer to deal with the problems/burdens themselves in part due to the societal expectation of 'masculinity' and when most cant deal with it, they turn to the easiest method they know. . . . suicide.

FL Gators:


Dont we all wish it wasthat easy with every child?

Lol. you dont wish it more than i do! it does get frustrating at times. i was a good child when i was her age oo , eat my veggies and fruits, drank ma milk so why cant she be like moi

Hello fellow nairalanders,  recently a doctor I met rather insulted me by saying that my 15 month old son was in disciplined and that he was going to turn into a nuisance when he grows up. Her reasons- he was gurgling and blabbering in her office ( which was a sign of 'hyperactivity', according to her) she also learnt that he naps during daytime, she thinks it is not appropriate to sleep before bedtime. Before you conclude, he is not a spoilt brat, he is a normal friendly kid and not too fussy or cranky, he also gets his share of "disciplinary lessons' appropriate for his age, but things like blabbering/gurgling in public and sleeping when you feel sleepy are normal for young kids of his age, don't you think? Do you feel I should start to discipline  my one and only child or should I wait for an year or two, when he is old enough to understand right from wrong?

what is a 15 months suppose to be doing, reading newspaper or watching BBC news on a couch with legs crossed and a cup of red wine in one hand?

i think your doctor is the one who is hyper and definitely needs discipline because she is already a nuisance with these statements of her. whats next? tell you that you son possibly have ADHD at the tend age of 1?

seems to me that she has forgotten that most toddlers are very active.  thats why they are toddlers.they are hardly quite. they are usually every hyperactive during this stage of developments. its time of increase in curiosity, exploration, blabbering and even more blabbering for them. its normal. the only time you have to do is to make sure you keep an eye on him (which am sure you already do) to avoid endangering himself with his new found curious specs because they can definitely be all over the place and even sometimes be hard for you to keep up with their "go go" energy. you can also try to engage him funny activities/interactive games/dancing so that he can channel his energy into those things. etc and explore his world with him.

what if he abandons her after passing/  getting his stay like some people have mentioned?

thats my main fear 'cause usually this set of folks are very super unappreciative when they finally gets what they want. after getting his license he might then realized she isnt good enough for her blah blah . . and finds fault with whatever she does, haven witnessed so many instances of this, its almost  too scary not to have ill feelings in this case. however, like you all have pointed already, hes probably dealing with the frustration of not being the man of the house and his egos and probably the stress from his new country not being what he expected. there is still that hope that he might change hence the importance of having patience.

i thought this was an Interesting response from Agatha in the Dear Agatha segment in IN and coincidentally it corresponds to the purpose of this thread


QUESTION: "Dear Agatha as a young man aspiring to marry, I want to know the most important thing in marriage"


Agatha's ANSWER:

[b]get prepared for any eventuality you may find yourself in when you get married, because marriage has a way of turning out to be very different from what we thought it to be. Unlike the distant image of perfection we have of marriage, it is often windy, steeply, turbulent, traumatic, disappointing and above all plenty of sacrifices as well as adjustments to ensure its survival.

Unlike the bread and butter image we have of it, marriage is more like a bitter-leaf experience. It takes plenty of tolerance, dedication and hard work to get to its sweet end.


That you love a person doesn’t mean that person is incapable of hurting or causing you pains. This is one thing you must always have at the back of your mind. The one who today appears to be perfect for you could after marriage turn out to be a monster, just as you are capable of changing from all the good things to bad things. These changes are often not planned for. There are a lot of stresses in marriage capable of causing these dramatic changes in one’s thinking and attitudes.

The thing is when these things come, they should be treated as subjects, not as major problems. Usually the solution to every challenge in life is the perception we have of it. The label we give it often than not influences the results we get. If given a label of impossibility, it ends up remaining irresolvable, no matter what others around say or do to help the situation.

Therefore, for you to have a happy marriage, have a broad mind, one, which will enable you give every problem its proper categorization with a view of sorting it out amicably. Failure to compartmentalize a problem, deal and trash it before it gets infested with viruses will only at the end of the day slow down whatever efforts you and your partner are making in other areas to grow and stabilize the union. This is where the Bible’s principle comes in to never allow any issue goes beyond the dusk of that day. Having agreed to spend the rest of your lives together, you both must have the necessary commitment and boldness to confront any issue head-on.


Another thing that must be appreciated for a marriage to work well is the differences in our persons. Before being part of a couple, you are first a human being, one whose ways of life is set along certain lines as a result of the cultural, social, moral and religious values of the family one emerges from. Knowing that these differences have to be accommodated at every point in time is one of the keys to the success of marriage. These differences are meant to give a relationship or marriage its unique character, hence wise couple have learnt to weave them together to their advantage.

Also, you must learn the act of being faithful now. It is imperative to the success of a couple’s stay together. There is no way your wife would respect and trust you if you are constantly caught with other women or known to be a liar. Over time, you risk losing your leadership role as the head of the house due to persistent acrimony between you and your wife over unfulfilled promises resulting from infidelity.

You must at all time see your mate as your best friend, one who has your best interest at heart hence must know everything, including money matters. For this reason, when looking for a life partner, care should be taken to look beyond the physical beauty of that person to what the person has within. The inside qualities are the things that give a person the strength of character to make positive changes in his or her environment. This is what envelops the commitment aspect of any one.

Above all, marriage is tolerance, sacrifices, endurance, patience, understanding, faith, loyalty, mutual respect and responsibility. A marriage laced with suspicions lacks the right foundation to stand the test of time. [/b]

Favor4all:
@Poster.
I really feel for you and I know how difficult this must be for you. Y[b]ou have so far done great by your understanding, patience, commitment to your family but I will plead with you not to give up now.
Your husband is going through a phase in his life that he didn't envisage would be like this. It is in every man to be the man, to be able to provide for your family and do all the stuffs a responsible man will do. And when a man can do this stuffs, then his ego is already affected. Remember, you said he was quite successful while in Nigeria and to be a medical doctor anywhere means alot of studying. He did that and became a doctor b4 he got married to u. So he's trying to give his all to make sure he succeeds in US as a medical doctor. Please be by his side this trying period. He definitely will be upset and the slightest provocation because not everyman can deal with the fact that they used to have and now they are the dependant (it kills a man inside).[/b]

2) Expect him to take all is frustration on the person closest to him (and that is u his wife) and that doesn't mean he doesn't love u anymore.Remember its just a phase.

6) Divorce should not be an option, remember this is just a phase.

[quote author=Busy_body link=topic=413367.msg5700631#msg5700631 date=1268698374]There is nothing wrong with a man who should be the head of the family succumbing to insecurity and feelings of inadequacy, you shouldn't allow yourself to rest on your laurels because of the immature and childish and selfish stance he has adopted.[/quote]

Outstrip:
Honestly I think things will get much better for you guys. I think one thing people fail to keep in mind is that when times are hard is when you need to strive to be closer. Your husband does not see this. He does not realize that he is defining the success of his life by the success of a career. What if he never passes the board (God forbid) will he then say that he will be misreable forever? Or maybe he passes the exam then he has to start fixing the things that he did wrong that has probably gotten his marriage to a point where his wife sees a different person.

I will just be honest and say that I can understand his frustrations but what you should not accept is him making you feel like you are not a good wife. don't ever accept that and you have to let him understand that. The other thing I always hate to hear in marriages is saying you are sorry even when you know you are not the one at fault. Sometimes that works when it is not a big issue but when it is issues that are eating you up but you just say it for the other person to be happy then that is not healthy.

Bottom line do not give up on this marriage. It is just too soon. I think you can still make him see reason. Ask him what will happen after he passes his exams and start working. Would he not want a wife that is sweet and loving rather than a bitter resentful one? Tell him that you guys can have the best of both worlds by building on the one you have now regardless of the situation. The foundation is what matters. Above all be patient with this man. I think you have been doing a wonderful job. Keep it up and I believe you will be happy for it

makes sense. definitely agree. patience is the keyword here . have patience hes still in the transition phase. its not always a smooth and easy transition for many. although it still doesnt excuse his nonchalant behavior but have patience

dominique:
says the person who open a thread titled orange vs banana

wondering why she called it "daft thread"and still purposely replied it twice. shouldnt "smart" people know when/how not to reply to"daft" threads

mama-gee u r confusing me oo

madlady

how did it workout? did you go ahead with it?

Chiori:
they should marry reverend sisters so they can become reverend mothers, then we would become reverend children. That is my joking reply that is serious.

chaii ROTFLMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! u no well at alll

ukotmi:
. I was born and raised a catholic. My dad was the parish chairman for over a decade. Before then, he was a well known choir master.
So I knew catholic priests at very close range. They should be allowed to marry. Some of them keep multiple girl friends. If I am challenged, I will mention priests from the missionary society of st Paul(MSP) and their babes. One of them got married recently and joined Anglican Church as a priest.

i like both. no preference

[quote author=mama-gee link=topic=11643.msg5688266#msg5688266 date=1268523525]I use a purewater bag, Daft thread![/quote][quote author=mama-gee link=topic=11643.msg5504966#msg5504966 date=1266016445]I use Pad although some women/girls use pieces of wrapper,
I know that's disgusting but when you travel in a poor City/Country
you see it happen. . .[/quote]

yes, you have met all those financial requirements but are you psychologically/mentally ready for marriage? if you think you are, then your age isnt really a "rush" IMHO.