₦airaland Forum

A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday.

They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh, no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,"How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"

"She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"

Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.

The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real b[i]itc[/i]h tonight, Dave."

A Nigerian girl got married to a Chinese man & had a baby boy who eventually died. At the burial, her aunt came crying, saying "I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT! Curious relatives took the aunt to a corner and asked her what she knew. She said loudly, I KNEW IT, CHINA PRODUCTS, THEY DON'T LAST!

^^^
Na God go judge the person when dey do you this strong thing. Bring 2 fowl teeth, 1kg of pig hair, 5 lizard eggs, 27grains of salt or bring $1,798.00 USD and we'll have your voice restored.

See as dem dey press your neck badly. . .I dey see am inside calabash of red paint.

I just dey see your profile abi na location but yes na DUMB pesin I dey yab. Try make you dey smart.

@Efemena. . .I nor do anything o.

^^^
You never still get your voice? You be like fowl wen dem wan thief for night so dem con press the neck first make e for nor fit make shout!

@Lysaa
I bet you just might be having your birthday present earlier this year. The odi you've always wanted as a child and hubby is right above. Be thankful!

In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror. (Do they look different reversed?)

^
Have you tried getting another ID since the moderators haven't been able to fix you right?

Fulanee:
@ OP. 9ce one, keep it up, i luv crazy people and the crazy stuffs they do.

Lysaa, I see your kind has located you.
Crazy people, crazy stuffs!

Like Clemcy stated, you must be high on that dried pawpaw leaf again or did someone add igbo to it?

Another stylee!

@Owobokiri
No offence but I gotta let you slide cos reading the first few lines of your comeback was just a direct opposite to what you stated in the first place. Try to stick to your words with basic points unless you agree finally that you were wrong in the first place. Besides I couldn't read all the long gist as it aint the music section or it ain't about various artiste but a particular artiste who did something many have failed to.
Kudos bruv!

Donpuzo:
@190. It's not your character getting at guys.
Abi you don turn GAY ni?
Abeg free sledge. He never pay house rent and him GF don carry Belle
He dey vex badly!

Your ugly sister! (you're my inlaw)

nanaboi:
@ Sledge406
I've been having so much fun reading your lines, U r on point, without ovakilling it, Withh that sense of humor, u shud be gud to reason or work with any day. Checkd your profile for an add so I kud check u out on facebook, but didnt see any

@ 190
Hei, did u eva visit www.cnenigeria.com back in the days? If not, wat joke sites d'u visit? Asking cos u said some lines I recognize and I was a huge fan of that particular site's (cnenigeria) joke section:

Nanaboi, thanks mahn!

190:
[color=deeppink]He's not silly; he's possessed by a Ghost and needs an exorcist in his life
I believe 3rd main land bridge might not be that far from him, he really needs to take a dive
Neck first [/color]

Boy, you're too weak I swear. First you need your dogs to back you before you utter lines to me. But I'm done with you and not gonna make your already miserable life worse than it is. And yes, you're dumb! Very dumb! Who dives neck first? I'm sure it runs in your lineage, PIG!

gohome:
you are just a blind freak'n dbanj boot-licker.

Twart! You really needed to be noticed and yes, I have seen you cos you're the 190 pr[i]i.c[/i]k-sucker.
Point out in the first place where I have been vying or carrying a placard and ranting Dbanj?
You're as confused as your twisted and wrinkled brain.
Please, just die cos you'd be doing us all a favour. Capish!

And if you must know, I don't see white and call it red like you and your types have always done. I'm straight forward.

^
And you wanna play the hero, right?

190:
[color=deeppink]@sledge406
Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental! I really shouldnt waste my precious time on a cargo product like you, my real location is whats on there and yes i have always been in Nigeria, all what i previously said where comic relief and too bad you couldnt read between the lines cos of a dead battery brain of yours,

since that is too much for you to comprehend why dont you go SUN your dead brain batteries so next time you could take a prank call from a response,i remember your post from the abuja response where you wanted to know where the whores where in that town, Tsk tsk tsk too bad but you are just a living proof that man can live without a brain! I know you are nobody's fool but maybe someone will adopt you.If I ever need a brain transplant, I'd choose yours because I'd want a brain that had never been used[/color]

You really are wack, crap and crack all rolled in one.
Hediot! You have finally resulted to calling your already detected lies comic relief. I laugh @ you in Tiv!
ol' boy, you get problem with English and I advise you to stick to pidgin make you nor dey cause problems for yourself. Must you advertise say you be confirmed M[i]UM[/i]U. Nothing concern me with where you dey or where you nor wan dey and stop to dey contradict yourself. Your real location is UK and you have always been in Nigeria. How does this explain itself? So you dey claim to be Omnipresent for England and Naija? I trip for your powers. since you can be in 2 places at the same time. . .Meanwhile I hope your excuse would be it was just a comic relief too.
BTW, your comebacks are too weak and cheap so I'll spare you and just use what you say to keep exposing you. Chimp-Monk is what you are. Yes, a fusion of a Chimpanzee and Monkey and you weren't no lab experiment (NOPE) but it did occur naturally and I hope you're able to comprehend that.
Galago!

Just because I mentioned your name and you're rubbing yourself all over me.

Gosh! I need some air!

Baro:
It's at Country home road, Off Sapele Road, Benin City.

Thank you

karenij:
@ sledge406 or whatever you call yourself, i can see how jobless you are. in any case , its not a fight so pipe down, drink a glass of water and never forget that its not personal.

Where did you see me call myself? Since you're not so jobless as well, you should not be seen commenting you know. Like I said earlier, HYPOCRITE!
Anyway, I'm sure you must have learned a thing or two from my earlier response. Bye!

snowdrops:
no big deal, even UBTH does the same; i stand corrected. health services are already oversubscribed. you dont expect government to pay for everything. their hospitals are way cheaper than what happens in the private sector.

even in a country like UK where you have free healthcare at the point of need, most people pay to park their cars, watch TV, etc.

BTW which is stella Obasanjo hospital? Is it the same as central hospital?

Stella Obasanjo hospital is DEFINITELY NOT Central hospital (Specialist as it is called).
Stella Obasanjo hospital is somewhere around "Country estate" (I sit to be corrected about the estate's name) down the Sapele road/Etete axis and I'm sure it caters mainly for WOMEN and CHILDREN!

@Owobokiri. . .You said as quoted below

My bruda, dont mind them. E be like say me and you dey the same boat. I never show face for naija for years now though I will be home next month. Anytime wey I hear my peepo shouting about  Dbanj, Timaya, Psquare and co , then watch them talk about how they "collaborate with" Kanye and Snoop and so will surely "get a grammy soon, I just dey wonder; Who are these rough looking people? Why the desperate/laughable attempt to beat the westerners in their own game? who doesnt know that music from Nigeria will make more waves internationaly if more emphasis are placed on developing sounds original to the country? I mean Fela I know,  Lagbaja I know, , who be Ruggedman kwa Abegii

You are more than enough example of the saying, bird of a feather, flock together. Worse still, I'm forced to reason you and 190 as acute siamese imbecil[/i]es who rant at every thing they read or say without first thinking the pros and cons of an issue. First of, it is a welcomed development to the Nigerian music scene and the ICT industry moreso the economy that a human like yourself has created a brand. That, whether you like it or not will add cheddah to his pocket. . .but e nor consign (concern) me
Secondly, like 190 who you show love and support for even whilst he's spewing trash after eating grass, you went further to list names of NOTABLE Nigerian artiste which has further opened your yansh that you're a strong supporter, follower and lover of what goes on in Naija and like someone mentioned earlier, your POOR A^ss has not seen the airports of this continent, well, for reasons so OBVIOUS!
Talking about beating Westerners or whoever to their game, this is another reason you will remain poor unless you change your reasoning and struggle in the right directions. Is Dangote a Westerner? How about Akande, Otedola, Adenuga and a whole lot of Africans who are known in their field?
Bro, you're dumb and st[i]ew[/i]pid!

190:
[color=deeppink] Sledge406 you are just a helpless f[i]o[/i]ol
what makes you think i didnt know where the bronx was before putting it up there and if i choose to say ive been away
for 1000 years thats my opinion and i dont give a bleep wat you think,you might as well consider kissing the blackest part of my backside for all i care
nitwit [/color]

You this fowl! What makes you think I give a hoot about how long or how far and wide you have visited other regions of the world? I only asked a question about Ibiza a/some year(s) ago and I know Ibiza might be in Portugal or Spain but your crazy lieing A^ss (mind you, we are all liars o so nor see me as saint ) chose not to explain that.
Mind you, I might be a helpless f[i]o[/i]ol as you outlined but I am sure people have a bright idea of who the fool is and would never be considered for help even wen dem don confirm your ins[i]ani[/i]ty.
You knew where Bronx was and said "here" but your location says Brimz, UK and many of use wen dey watch [i]oyinbo film know where Bronx dey.
190 bro, you're not constructive and you really are a dimwit and it would help you not to try coming back at me cos you'll give me more reasons (of which I'm still taking it lightly with you) to make you look st[i]up[/i]id (you are st[i]up[/i]id sha ) and I know you're everywhere on NL but hey, you wouldn't want people taking your every comments to be crap, would you?
Drink responsibleBe reasonable!

karenij:
wow people, this is hilarious. how come we bother so much about how they say what they say than what they really say? we all didn't go to school and cannot know how to speak English Language. its not our fathers language. how is that an issue? if the wife of the president of another country makes a mistake on a national television, we hardly notice it but wait until the wife of our dear president make the same mistake and Nigeria will stand still for weeks. comeoff it guys, how is that so so important? so we all know that she has a thick accent, big deal and we also know that Buhari's wife has thicker accent, bigger deal. check out the wives of the presidents of oither countries or even presidents of some countries, they don't speak English at all so you guys get a grip on your selves. don't you know that if you don't know how to speak English by the time you finish secondary school, you will never be able to speak good English in your life?

Why prove how much of a dunce you really are? It is best you just read what people have typed and have a laugh than add your fu[i]ck[/i]ing 2 kobo which has always been worthless. Keep talking about what is and what is not your father's language. If you have over 10 tribes in Nigeria, would you take either Hausa, Yoruba, Igbo, Efik or whatever the lots and make it the official language?
Google about Nigeria or read about Nigeria from Wikipedia and find out what the official language is and if you cannot represent yourself in that language, stick to the next best thing which is pidgin "after all that one still make small sense and plenty people dey understand am wen dem hear am". If that is still much of an issue and you want to be heard, then get a translator and have them do the job easier from you whilst you're saved from all the embarrassment. Reading that bolded shows you really are crappy like the few who claim to be saints. Hypocrite!

BTW. . .How many times have you sat or stood at your neighbour's window to watch his TV and listen to the wives of other presidents speak? Also, if and when they make blunders consistently, how many times have you gone to a forum to see what the responses of the country citizen's are?

Think before you type or better still, you'd make more sense when you don't type.

^^^

You rock!!!

A young girl after her honeymoon came fully exhausted and tired. When her friends asked her what happened?
She replied: When this 70 year old ba[i]sta[/i]rd told me he has saved a lot from last 50 years, I thought it was money.

"My mom won't tell me a thing about herself'', a little girl complains to her friend.
''Well,” says the friend. ''All you need to do is look at her driver's license, it's like a report card, it has everything on it."
The little girl checks out her mother's license and later that night says to her mother ''I know you are 32 and weigh 130 pounds''
Mother. . .''How did you find out?'' surprised and shocked.
Little girl triumphantly says ''I know why you and Daddy got a divorce''
Mother. . .''oh really? Why?''
She answered, "Because you got an F in sex!"

190:
[color=deeppink]who is DBANJ and what is KOKO phone
I havent been in nigeria for the past 12yrs someone please explain who this dude is
is he the president of Nigeria [/color]

Make God punish you for that lie and question wen you dey ask.
Seriously there are times I read your useless post and I notice how much of a junk your kind is. Who you dey try impress for here?
Which day you enter Brimz (that na if you dey Brimz) wen you wan dey embarass your useless self? Afterall nobody ask you how long you don comot for Naija. Imp!
I remember reading you a while back when you claimed to have met few peeps @ Ibiza in Abuja and I am sure that must have been 13 years ago, right? Hediot!
BTW, you've got no style of yours but always been a copycat. Act natural and you'd be taken for who you are.

190:
[color=deeppink]really
is snoop dogg's nephew nigerian
thats great,
ive seen snoop just once when he came for a show [size=16pt]here[/size] at the bronx new york[/color]

Sorry but where on the map can I see Bronx, NY in England?
Seriously, learn to post less and quit being a nuisance to your self.

A mother worries that her teenage daughter is having sex and might get pregnant, so she consults several parenting websites for advice.

Later that evening, as her daughter prepares for a date, the mother sits down to talk with her. "I know you are adult enough to make the right decision about your body. But I want you to please try to abstain from sex until you're married. If you must have sex, then please use protection."

Feeling proud of herself for being so pro-active, the mother hands her daughter a box of condoms.

The daughter laughs and hugs her mother. "Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating a girl!"

Husband and Wife arrive together in heaven.
Wife: Here we are, together again.
Husband: Abeg, abeg! It was till death do us apart. I'm single now!

P[i]en[/i]is & Balls arguing.
Balls: Hey, you are very unfair! Everytime you go in, you never take us along, only you enjoy!
P[i]en[/i]is: Eh, you think it's fun? I always keep vomiting!

bashy_demy:
OMG i miss this thread Sledge and yinka make una take am easy oo

Sledge you better stop loking at Tanimz yansh remember she is my small sister wife ooooo

Fear not, I don put everything under control.
As for Tanimz yansh wen be like 10 naira bread wen you chook inside water (thinking say na tea), nor let am bother you. Na only look I look besides e nor fit pass like that sef. Aha! I just notice say her breast small sef like agbalumo

Goodnight dear!
I nor go look woman yansh but your own yansh

Lysaa asked Sledge to describe her. He said, 'You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K.'
She said, 'What does that mean?'
He said, 'Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot'.
She said, 'Oh! that's so lovely. What about I, J, K?'
He said 'I'm Just Kidding.'

tanimz:
You shattap!
Spoilt pikin, na so dem teach you to dey speak to adults?
Why you dey compare my yansh with Lysaa own? You wan peme be that. Spoilt thing.

I go soon put you on top my lap flog you when dey claim adult.
Tell me about Lysaa's yansh since you tend to know about it? You wen nor spoil at all.

Home: A place where you can scratch where it itches.

Doctor: A person who cures the ills by pills, and kills by his bills.

Love: Loss Of Valuable Energy

Wife: Worries Invited For Ever

tanimz:
Walahi, Sledge yi ti baje o ti jera gan sef.
Me? Shout? Let's agree that I missed you.
Which yansh you see me dey shake? Ashewo oshi, he don compare my yansh to Lysaa's.

Na you spoil me na. Like say you nor like as I spoil
Shut up jor. Becos your yansh big pass Lysaa own nor mean say e too big. Na just small level you yansh get for the yansh market. Anyway, see as you dey smile with your big front teeth becos I say you get yansh. Nor call me ashewo again o.

yinkalink:
U c dere are idiots n dere r IDIOTS. I am goin to assume u dont have a mother 4 u to b speakin lyk dis. I dnt blame u,i only pity u cos if u had bin brut up by 1,u wld kn u ought to respect one. U can say wateva u want next,i wont reply. Guess u'r more dan i can chew afta all,not becos u're big but becos u're bitter.

First, you're a bloody twart. Secondly, another bloody twart and finally, a bloody twart to infinity.
Hypocrite! Bloody f[i]uc[/i]king signature of yours that is actually aimed at you. Shediot that you are! So, if I don't have a mother? You had, you have and what good have you gained? Instead of fairy tales. . .my dimwitted mother said that. . .
Well, someone warned you earlier to back off, right? Guess I don show you as e dey be. Oponu! You dey find sweet na im u nor go buy GOGO or M&M abi na Buttermint. Oloshi!

PS: If you reply again to this issue, not only are you a confirmed half dimwit but may your signature haunt you for the rest of your life.
And I thought you had a SENSE OF HUMOUR.

Efemena_xy:
why can't some peeps stop derailing??

why not enjoy the jokes and coment on the jokes only??

why take things to such personal levels??

why not see a good thread and accept it for what it is??

WHY DO SOME PEEPS WANT TO BE NOTICED AT ALL COSTS??!!

Awesome!

Loving your jokes Sledge - keep 'em rolling pls. . .

Thank you plenty plenty again ojare.
If only they paid attention to your earlier warnings.

lysaa:
pon pon pon. shift to one side make i pass.

Ray Charles Robinson, I see you! Do you see me?

Yo Tanimz, missed me? And why the shout na.

You ought to have run to me with open arms instead of shaking your yansh to one corner so that I get the message that you're styling.

Anyway, your yansh big pass Lysaa own.

7 months twin babies in the womb saw a p[i]en[/i]is coming in towards them. The 1st one said, "see, daddy is coming inside to say hello." The 2nd one replied, "f[i]oo[/i]l, it's uncle! Daddy never comes in with raincoat."