₦airaland Forum

bashy_demy:
slap from who now?

bashy_demy:
hahaha Sledge thanks i'll seize her mirror tonight

lysaa:
Sledge is an Odi!

And you're confused because you're an odi! (This is you acting up and letting spit flow uncontrollably because you are!) 

A wise man once told me that if you want to be wise, you need to follow the ways of the wise. . .Truth is I still can't find the man!

Efemena_xy:
^^ Wicked soul

why you wan take our mirror??

So that e nor go break

bashy_demy:
hahaha Sledge thanks i'll seize her mirror tonight

Good for taking the advice but when you have a black eye or marks on your body from uncontrollable slaps, "I nor dey house"

To punish a man, don't take his money or riches just give him a bad wife and to finish a woman, take her mirror.

. . .And she said,

Chris brown hit her, Eminem lied 2 her, Drake forgot her name. . .2face will soon get her pregnant. Who is she?

Rihanna

An elderly lady decided to give herself a big treat for her significant birthday by staying overnight in one of London ’s most expensive hotels. When she checked out next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for £250.00.

She demanded to speak to the Manager.The Manager said "the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre which are available for use."

'But I didn't use them," she said.

''Well, they are here, and you could have," explained the Manager.

He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which the hotel is famous.

"But I didn't go to any of those shows," she said.

"Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replied.

No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, "But I didn't use it!"

The Manager was unmoved, so she decided to pay, wrote a cheque and gave it to the Manager.

The Manager was surprised when he looked at the cheque. "But madam, this cheque is only made out for £50.00." ''That's correct. I charged you £200.00 for sleeping with me," she replied.

"But I didn't!" exclaims the very surprised Manager.

"Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have.

Tanimz I bet your ransome was footed.

Thank goodness for all those fake bills used to decieve your nappers. Bear it in mind they'd be coming for you full throttle when they discover.

Welcome and goodbye

A guy stuck his head into a barber shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours." The guy left. A few days later the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut, The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About 3 hours." The guy left.

A week later the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looked around the shop and said, "About an hour only." The guy left.

The barber turned to a friend and said, "Hey, Khan, do me a favour. Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut but then he doesn't ever come back. "

A little while later, Khan returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.

The barber asked, "So where does that guy go when he leaves?"

Khan looked up, tears in his eyes and said,

"To your wife."

Junior and mum were having a bath then Junior pointed to his mum's pubic region.

Junior: Mum, what's this hairy thing?
Mum: It's a sponge.
Jumior: Okay! The baby sitter has one.
Mum: (surprised) Junior, how do u know this?
Junior: The other day, I saw her washing daddy's face with it.

Pastor: "You’re lucky this water tastes good, I was about to f[i]uc[/i]k you up with prayers."

@Ben. . .Where's your broom and dust pan? All the comments here should be wiped clean or isn't that the rule of the thread? (Be sure to wipe my own as well after reading this but leave the dry joke below).

Ben-10:
Hey Jokers, Welcome to Jokes Chronicle. Comments are not allowed here.

The following ensued during one of the class sessions between a teacher and her pupil.

Teacher: Ben, what would you do while on the high sea and there's a heavy thunderstorm and it appears your boat wants to capsize?
Ben: I'll struggle as hard as I can and let down the anchor.
Teacher: Just imagine there's no anchor and the thunderstorms are heavy?
Ben: I'll let down another anchor.
Teacher: Like I said earlier, imagine there's no anchor and the waves gets bigger?
Ben: I'll let down another anchor.

The teacher obviously frustrated at the same replies gotten after trying to convince Ben to think in her direction asked, "Where do you keep getting these anchors from?"
"The same place you've been getting your thunderstorms!" Ben answered.

A drunk was hauled into court. "Mister" the judge began, "you've been brought here for drinking."

"Great!" the drunk exclaimed. "When do we get started?"

Mrs Adamu to her housemaid: "Oh Lizzy, I suspect that my husband is having an affair with his secretary."
The housemaid replied: "I don't believe it ma, you're just saying that to make me jealous!"

A man buys a lie detector robot which slaps people who lie. He decides to test it at dinner.
Dad: Son, where were you today during school hours?
Son: At School! (Robot slaps son) Ok, I lied, I went to the movies.
Dad: Which one did you see?
Son: Toy Story. (Robot slaps son again) Ok, it was 'A day with [i]por[/i]nstar.'
Dad: What?! When I was your age, I didn't even know what [i]por[/i]n was. (Robot slaps Dad)
Mom: Ha ha! After all he's your son. (Robot slaps mum)

coming from a girl: "#AroundOfApplause to all the lying ass born again christian chics wearing wonder bra. . . . . u know damn well that's a deceptive act, **smh**"

. . .And he says, "Naija chic sees my diamond studded condom. She exclaimed wt r u trying to do? Am Playing safe na. Babe: safe ko Safe ni, give me d condom n come in joo. See economic waste. My Phone rang #wasjstadream"

When lil Johnny got to his classroom he looks inside and sees a new teacher instead of his regular teacher. Johnny sits down and the teacher says, “Now students, my name is 'Ms. Prussy'. Not the other word, this word has an 'r' after the first letter.” Johnny laughed. An hour later he forgot her name and said, “Your name has an 'r' after the first letter -- is it Ms. Crunt?”

A trucker was driving his fully loaded rig to the top of a steep hill. Just as he was starting down the equally steep other side, he noticed a man and a woman lying in the center of the road, making wild and passionate love. In total disbelief, he blew his air horn several times as he was bearing down on them. He realized that they were not going to stop or get out of his way, so he slammed on his brakes and stopped.

He got out of the truck and walked to the front of the truck, looked down at the two, still on the road and yelled, "What the hell's the matter with you two? Didn't you hear me blowing the horn? You could have been killed!" Eventually, the man looked up at the truck driver, obviously satisfied and not too concerned and said, "Look, I was coming, she was coming, and you were coming. You were the only one with brakes."

Junior: "Mummy do you know that our house girl is an angel?"
Mum: "why did you say that junior?"
Junior: "Because I saw her naked with her hands on the wall shouting oh God! I'm coming I'm coming I'm coming. If not for daddy that was holding her tight from behind she would have risen up to heaven."

A man asks a trainer in the gym, "I want to impress that gorgeous girl, which machine can I use?" The trainer replied, "Use the ATM outside the gym." 

Finally messfart don get toilet - - -Rubbish

Then for those silent messfart, I bet the idiot Malawian officials have gotten a messfart detector and also a video that captures messfart when needed for prosecution in the court of mess fart law.

1. F***ing once a week is good for your health but its harmless if done every day.
2. F***ing gives proper relaxation for your mind & body.
3. F***ing refreshes you.
4. After F***ing, don't eat too much go for more liquids. *beer*
5. Try to f*** in bed cause it can save you valuable energy.
6. F***ing can even reduce your cholestrol level.

So, FASTING is good 4 your health! God bless una DirtyClean minds!

A female teacher who all the class addresses as madam was havin a problem with a boy in her class in 3rd grade. The boy said, "Madam, I should be in 4th grade, I'm smarter than my sister and she's in 4th grade". The Madam (teacher) had heard enough of the complain and took the boy to the principal's office. She explained everything to the principal who decided to test the boy with some questions that a 4th grade should know.

Principal: What is 3+3?
Boy: 6
Principal: 6+6?
Boy: 12

And so on, the principal asked the boy all questions which the boy got right. The principal then told the madam to send the boy to 4th grade. Madam decided to ask her questions and the principal agreed.

Madam: What does a cow have 4 of, that I have only 2?
Boy: Legs
Madam: What is in your pants that you have but I don't have?
Boy: Pockets
Madam: What starts with a C and ends with T, it's hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Boy: Coconut
Madam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?

The principal's eyes opened really wide but before he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge.

Boy: Bubble gum
Madam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up, I get wet before you do.
Boy: Tent

The principal was looking restless.

Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.
Boy: Wedding ring
Madam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Boy: Nose
Madam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates, I come with a quiver.
Boy: Arrow
Madam: What starts with 'F' and ends with a 'K' and if you don't get it, you'll have to use your hand?
Boy: Fork
Madam: What is it that all men have, it is longer in some men than others, the Pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after marriage?
Boy: Surname
Madam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles with a lot of veins like pumping and is responsible for making love?
Boy: Heart

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the madam "Send the boy to the university!"

. . .And she said, "Pls this is not funny don't laugh ooo. Very soon women will pay men to suck their b[i]rea[/i]sts?"



BBC Homepage Top News Story

Doctors recommend that women reduce the risk of getting [i]brea[/i]st cancer by having their bosom sucked. It is said that regular sucking of the [i]bre[/i]ast lowers the risk level that tends to build up b[i]rea[/i]st cancer. The b[i]rea[/i]st must be sucked as often as possible, help women fight b[i]rea[/i]st cancer today.

Men please do your part, and suck a b[i]rea[/i]st now and woman please let your body free!

This message is from the ministry of Health IN THE FIGHT AGAINST B[i]REA[/i]ST CANCER



. . .And she said, "Please I honestly think we should comply. My humble submission. Help save a life today, please, suck a b[i]rea[/i]st today!!!"




My question: Won't MEN be sucking the virus causing the cancer from a b[i]rea[/i]st prone to or with cancer? What then happens to the sucker (MAN) when this happens? I am sure it would be cancer of the tongue/throat.
Anyway, men, save a life today by sucking a b[i]rea[/i]st and sacrificing your own life.

A young gal is giving directions to her new boyfriend to get to her apartment.

She says: ''You come to the front door of the apartment complex where I live & look for apartment 14A & with your elbow push the door. Come inside & you will find the elevator on the right. With your elbow hit 14. When you get out of the elevator you'll find my apartment on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell & I'll open the door for you''

The boyfriend says: ''Dear, that sounds very easy to find but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?''

She responds: "Oh my God!! You are not coming empty-handed, are you?!!!"

Sales Girl: Sir, No smoking in the shop.
Customer: But I purchased these cigarettes from here.
Sales Girl: We also sell condoms here and it doesnt mean u can start f[i]uc[/i]king us here too.

A boy who had intentions of being a doctor got his WAEC result with 2 credits in Igbo Language and Agricultural Science. Luckily for him he had an Uncle who worked in the medical college. So he now embarked on a journey to secure an admission in medicine. The following discussion went on between the boy and his Uncle.
Uncle: Junior, long time. How are you doing?
Boy: I'm okay. I came looking for admission in your faculty.
Uncle: So how were your O'levels?
Boy: Fine oh. I really want to be the first doctor from our village and with your help I can secure an admission.
Uncle: What was your result?
Boy: 2 credits in Igbo Language and Agricultural Science.
Uncle: (Laughing) You can still be a doctor but a native one. You will use your credit in Agric to look for herbs and the one in Igbo to chant incantations.

. . .The Dibia has arrived!

A man seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman on a plane noticed she was reading a intimate statistics book. He asked about it & she said; "It is said that in Nigeria, Hausas have the longest manhood, Calabar men have the biggest diameter. By the way, my name is JANE, what's yours?"
He coolly replied, "Salisu Ekong"!!

A guy with a 25-inch di.ck went to a doctor and said, 'I can't live with this anymore! It's too long.' The doctor replied, 'I can't do anything for you, but if you see the doctor in the bayou, she can help you.'
So, he went to the bayou and saw the doctor. The doctor said, 'Go into the swamp and you will find a female frog there. Ask her to marry you,  She'll say 'No',  and you'll lose 5 inches off your di.ck.'
So, he went to the swamp, found the frog and asked her, 'Will you marry me?' "No!', she said. He lost 5 inches off his member! The guy liked the results and thought, 20 inches is just too much. So he asked the frog again, 'Will you marry me? 'The frog said, 'No! 'And the guy lost another 5 inches.
He thought, God, 15 inches is great! But 10 inches would just be perfect. So he asked again, 'Will you marry me? 'And the frog said, 'How many times do I have to tell you,  NO! NO! NO!

A little boy Khan kills a butterfly and his dad says, no butter for 4 weeks. His sister kills a honeybee and the dad says no honey for 4 weeks. His mum kills a cockroach and the boy turns to his dad and says, "So, are you going to tell her or should I tell her?"

On a ship, an American, a Briton and a Nigerian were sailing. Devil appeared and said "drop something in the sea, if I find it I'll eat you but if I cant, then I'll be your slave. The American dropped a diamond, the devil found it and ate him. The Briton dropped a small platinum piece, devil found it and ate him too. The Nigerian opened a bottle of water, emptied it in the sea and said "today na today make u find am na, I dey wait".