₦airaland Forum

After one week of marriage, a couple based in Naija had the following conversation;

Wife: Honey, can I use our BB?
Husband: No problem, it's on the couch.

Few mins later. . .

Wife: Baby, can i use our jeep? I want to go and buy some tomatoes at oja oba.
Husband: But y, yo, you have your own car now, don't you?
Wife: No jor, I want to drive our jeep!
Husband: Did you say our jeep? Ok ok ok dats alright, here is the key.

As she was about to go out. . .

Wife: honey, em em. . .Can you em em. . .give me our ATM card? I want to cash our money.
Husband: If I give you our slap!!! You will not see clearly to drive our jeep. . .Nonsense!

Thanks mahn!

mithel:
nope,i avnt bin fooled today but i fooled a lot of ppl

i changed my birthdate on fb,n so many peeps fell for it

We're on same page then

Good thoughts!

Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands. When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset.

"You're running around with other women," she charged.
"You're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You're the only woman on earth."

The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve.

"What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded.

"Counting your ribs!" She replied.

Sahara Reporters:

Nude photos of General Buhari and Tonto Dike exposed

http://photos-a.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/200352_212151482129817_100000049011424_897795_1505817_n.jpg

mama-gee:
[color=deeppink]*Yawns*

Boringgggg, barking much. . , Do you need a bucket and a dose of Panadol?

A bucket to drop your flowing tears and a panadol to relief you of your headache over my opinion.

Btw, I intentionally put "flying" as a way of laying down mockery on the team that completely disgraced the country in the world cup. . .

Embarassment? Nah, save yourself some of that crap, I'm not the one barking like a mad dog and oozing out words like a knackered donkey.

Along with laying down daft and unnecessary corrections of something you know nothing about.

Alari. . .mo'she Oloburiku. [/color]

What's with all these crate of teeth you're flaunting? You're the one barking so quit now that you're behind.

mama-gee:
[color=deeppink]What do you expect from a young local footballer that played only for the Super flying Eagles in Nigeria

And then all of a sudden, he was picked up to play in the English Premier League in exchange for millions of pounds? [/color]

Have you not learnt to keep quiet in matters of this magnitude rather than make shout just to be heard and let people know how fo[i]ol[/i]ish you are? Just becos people are passing their emotions and insulting the lad doesn't mean you should make false comments about him. Google is your friend, do your research and save yourself further embarrassment.

BTW, it Super Eagles not Super Flying Eagles.

Aha!

Now we need the services of Dr. Gregory House (Identify the problem and profer a lasting solution)

This should answer it all ESPECIALLY for the FEmales;

Just think. . .In 50 years, Grandmas will have tattoos, and rap will be the golden oldies!!! Hahaha

I wish you well

All these internet warrriors sef.

No be say dem get mouth when e reach to yab. They run mouth like vandalised pipeline.

When the time reaches to vote, I'd be glad to read how many of you left your houses to go vote. Come here and spew trash.

^

And people are supposed to laff at that?

One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm. The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist
appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over.

A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

In Maryland, U.S. it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception. The rubber may be dispensed only "in places where alcohol beverages are sold or consumed on the premises". (I bet your guess is as good as mine, one thing leads to the other they say!)

Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine into your brain and that's where you get shitty ideas from.

Anytime I read through political threads that make the homepage, most of the responses are truly biased based on the where the support lies on NLers. Yes, PDP has been known largely to remain in power in most states by rigging and CPC (holding grounds for only the Presidency) maybe seeing that they do not stand a chance are using incriminating words to hook PDP by the neck - that it is only via rigging Jonathan can be on the seat.

Anyway, I'm just a reader who enjoys being on the fence while many of you sell your souls to lies and half-truths (if there's anything like half-truth). Why don't you call a spade a spade? If Jonathan does wrong, say so and if Buhari does wrong, say so as well rather than try to justify their comments. Well, a few days more and we'll see what would be after election results have been declared. I hope everyone of you in Nigeria has a plan B.

Meanwhile, many of you internet warriors keep chanting forth and back but I can swear on your right eye balls that when that day comes, you'd all be indoors hence not going out to vote (for those in Nigeria) and for all your in diaspora, stop making SHOUT! Bring your yanshes down here on or before April 1st (that is if you have a voter's card) and put your thumb where your mouth is.

Maybe PDP will rig (since it is their signature - crazy murrasuckers ), maybe CPC will rig (Presidency), maybe ANPP or even the ACN will rig too but then again, has any of you really done your homework to know if Buhari stands a chance to Jonathan (The 2 most discussed in this site). CPC as a party does NOT own a single ward how much more a state and yet Buhari wants to be made president? How is that possible? I've listened to people ON GROUND analyze the matter and it is clear cut that Buhari stands no chance and I mean, no chance - Ribadu will get there first before Buhari and that is what is called POLITRICKS. It is also annoying that Goodluck going by his present form (being controlled) is gonna retain that seat.

^



Thanks!

Just came across this from the live update of those who took the exam on Saturday and this might interest you readers.

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-632014.0.html#msg7990872

@Rumuokoro, PH centre.
Still not started. Finally managed to find the right class in some bushy primary school behind the main venue. Seated now, waitin for the idiots to begin.

Had a little comic relief a while ago. A bride showed up here in her weddin gown - straight from her weddin reception! Come see laughter! Lol, Ppl snappin pics n all. I'm usin a mobile browser; no ''upload picture'' button. Lemme see if i get up some other way,

What more can I say?

I await a constructive destruction or excuse to this.

First, the OP should be blamed for such a topic but then again, a HEADLINE sells

Second, most of the people crying SCAM or FOUL PLAY are no where near the shores of Naija or have been in Naija too long to see how things are run or what people going for Aptitude test look like (who gives a hoot what you wear or how you look for a test to be written?). If these so called IT-IS-A-SCAM-CRYING-FOLKS are faced with a scam, they would be the ones advocating its authencity hence cajoling you to invest for better yields.

Check this out

mama-gee:
[color=deeppink]Let's just say it's a random lady wearing a wedding gown. . .

It can't be real. . .nobody abandons their wedding day for a daft test. . .[/color]

Ask this poster who knows so much about competition in a well respected institution/organisation (not like she has ever been in a competition of such magnitude yet alone work in a respected organisation i.e if she even works) what make a test daft when it is sourced to PHILLIPS CONSULTING for the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation. (NNPC) {For all ye ignoramus who are yet to understand the meaning of NNPC}

And having read O[b]t[/b]a[b]pia[/b]ia, I must say those of you trying hard to educate her are wasting time. Someone who finds it hard comprehending simple aptitude test from an interview unless she considered aptitude test for attitude test.
Imagine her castigating someone who wants a better life and goes for an ALL expense paid trip abroad for an interview as giving Naija a bad name. May all the opportunities in life pass you by for being a hypocritical good citizen and being comfortable in your zone. And even if you work in an organisation, may your employers turn down your truthful request to go write a test/take an interview in another company in your quest for better life and still deny you of a raise in pay. Amen!

Like it or not, she did what she did and even if she missed her wedding (obviously not), she still showed up and I for one would say I hope she passes and even if she doesn't, let empathy take place (the reason the cry babies have been wailing SCAM) but as they say, life is all about survival abi nor be so. Just wondering if she did it at any of your expense.

PS: For the monkey who started the talk about not seeing a ring, tell me how he expects to see a ring from the pictures that do NOT clearly depict the finger on which a ring is worn. People would say any rubbish to discredit without coming out with sound points. They are indeed the white-man's A^ss lickers.

Q. Why do women have br[i]ea[/i]sts?

A. So men will talk to them.

Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore! A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot dead by the woman's husband!

A: Can I borrow that book of yours "How To Become A Millionaire"?
B: Sure. Here you are.
A: Thanks - but half the pages are missing.
B: What's the matter? Isn't half a million enough for you?

Kissing's a pleasure

F[i]uc[/i]king's a game

Guys get all the pleasure

Girls get all the pain

He says he loves you, and you believe it's true

Until your belly starts to swell and he says to hell with you

10 minutes of pleasure, 9 months and pain

3 days in hospital, a child without a name

The baby's a ba[i]sta[/i]rd

The mother's a LovePeddler

This never would have happened if the rubber hadn't tore

(1) FINE - This is the word women use to end an argument when they know they are RIGHT and YOU need to SHUT UP.

(2) NOTHING - Means SOMETHING and you need to be WARY.

(3) GO AHEAD - This is a dare not permission DO NOT DO IT.

(4) WHATEVER - Is a woman's way of saying F[i]UC[/i]K YOU.

(5) THAT'S OK - She is thinking long and hard on HOW and WHEN you will pay for your mistake.



NB: Thank me later guys

A not necessarily well-prepared student sat in his life science classroom, staring at a question on the final exam paper. The question directed: "Give four advantages of br[i]ea[/i]st milk."

What to write? He sighed and began to scribble whatever came into his head, hoping for the best:

1. No need to boil.
2. Never goes sour.
3. Available whenever necessary.

So far so good - maybe. But the exam demanded a fourth answer. Again, what to write? Once more, he sighed. He frowned. He scowled, then sighed again. Suddenly, he brightened. He grabbed his pen, and triumphantly, he scribbled his definitive answer:

4. Available in attractive containers of varying sizes.

He received an A!

One night, an 87-year-old woman came home to find her 92-year-old hubby in bed with a young lady. She became violent & pushed him off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment, killing him instantly.

Brought before court on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in her own defence. "Your Honour," she began coolly, "I figured that at 92, if he could screw, he could fly."

A junior officer dialed his boss' number with the office phone mistakenly;

Junior officer: Hey you! Send a cup of coffee to my cabin in two minutes!

Boss: (Shouting) Do you know who you are talking to?

Junior officer: No!

Boss: This is Chief Superintendent Ashanti!

Now the junior officer knew he's in hot waters but spoke confidently;

Junior officer: And you! Do you also know whom you're talking to?

Boss: No!

Junior officer: Whew! THANK GOD!

. . .and he quickly hang up the phone.

Kimani (Kim) is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price 'now that they are many in town'. The motorcycle is missing a seal, though, so whenever it rains Troy has to smear Vaseline over the spot where the seal should be.

Kim’s girlfriend (Shiro) is having him over for dinner to meet her parents one evening. He drives his new motorcycle to his girlfriend’s house.

She is waiting outside for him when he arrives. They exchange light Kisses and head straight at the door, but Shiro grabs him and says, "No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don't say a word. Our family had a fight a while ago about doing the dinner dishes. We haven't done any since and the first person to speak at dinner has to do them."

Kim sits down for dinner and soon notices that his girlfriend wasn’t exaggerating. It is just how she described it. Dishes are piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen and nobody is saying a word. Kimani decides to have a little fun. He grabs his girlfriend, throws her onto the table and has sex with her in front of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her father is obviously livid, and her mother is horrified. Yet, when Kim and his girlfriend resume their places at the dinner table, nobody says a word.

A few minutes later, he grabs Shiro’s mom, throws her onto the table and does a repeat performance. Now his girlfriend is furious, her father is boiling, and her mother is a little more pleased. But still, there is complete silence at the table.

Suddenly, there is a loud clap of thunder and it starts to rain. Kimani remembers his motorcycle outside and so he jumps up and grabs his jar of Vaseline.

With a look of terror in his eyes, the girlfriend’s father backs away from the table and exclaims, "Okay, enough already, I'll do the damn dishes!"

It is Christmas eve and 3 men are waiting for a bus. Two of them are arguing profusely about the existence of a God. One is a Muslim the other a Christian, the last man is an atheist and is listening to them with rapt attention.

The Muslim says Jesus was not the son of God, there is only one God and Mohammed is his son. Jesus he keeps saying was just the son of a carpenter. The Christian quietly trys to explain about Adam and eve and the birth of Jesus. He keeps on harping about the existence of the trinity and the divine birth. They go on and on and finally ask the the third guy if he thinks God is a Muslim or a Christian. The third guy looks up at both of them and adjusts his shopping bag with a Christmas tree poking out and was just about to get into the fray when a bus with a sign saying "there is probably no God" pulls up. He gathers his shopping and looks at both men who decline to enter the bus because of the sign, shakes his head and mutters to both of them, "I just cant understand you guys. It is Christmas a time of goodwill to all men and all you do is argue? Jesus Christ!" he exclaims. "Thank God I am an atheist!"

babasoty:
yes she jumped over it,

that should tell you something about life---- no one is perfect, not me, not you and definitely---- not the dame----

There is something called minimal damage as well and everyone has a tolerance level.

Pharoh:
^^

The question i asked was not for you and you really did not answer my question in the context which i intend to present it.

You can ask me for more clarification before you get overworked because the question was for naijangel7.

Thanks though for answering the question.

My bad, I answered the question but not to worry, she'll give you the answer that you anticipate when she sees your question.
Going by the bolded, why ask questions if you already know the answers? Unless you intend to ridicule whoever is being questioned.
Please edit your post in which you asked the question so that she can ANSWER in the guidelines you'd provide so you're left contented.

Anyway, you're welcome.

babasoty:
Dude---- If I was your teacher i'd  ---- you got more blunders than the dame, easy bro,

You constructed just one line statement and talked crap too quick? I wonder what should be said of you if you waswere to write like I did.

sholasys:
You can not force any presidential candidate to attend this debate, there is a recognized platform for that with a precedence. All those aspirants promised to attend because they have the time and have no political responsibility to shoulder and defend for now. GEJ stands to be attack with so many questions, rude question might come in, they might also try to malign him also.

Sorry to ask, Is this (debate) what we need ? does this translate to a good leader ? Are we not aware of their various programs ? Does the best performance in the debate auto mean the best president ? Why are we so hype about this debate thing ?

Am not GEJ supporter but politically, if it were any of those aspirant reigning, they wont attend also.

This is another mobo jumbo and "na we do this " pride thing.

The moment you as an individual decide to appear before an unadultered debate and you have questions thrown at you and your responses and gestures are captured by an audience on a platform (this being on a TV and other media outlet), when you eventually assume that position and you act contrary to what you must have said before takign the seat, people can always shove it in your face as a PROOF and also it can be used to as well demand your removal (if it is possible in Naija sha) when people are no longer interested in your handlings.

So, a debate is a good move and I think it would do best if all the aspirants make time to be there and don't forget that this debate unlike the rest ISN'T totally biased and by that, I mean you have 16 aspirant for the Presidential post showing up.

It is a good move and I'll make it a date