₦airaland Forum

dukeprince50:
she's probably working in total and is a controller there, na the man salary I no wan believe

PotatoSalad:
Beer parlour argument

Jarus:
Lol


Trust me, N3.5m gross per month (comes to N2.8m after tax) is very common in the industry.

A first level manager earns that in many IOCs and top independents. First level manager o.

In some companies, even non-managers earn that.

You can become that within 8-10 years of working.

I can’t say much because people know me beyond Nairaland.

adontcare:
Such men only regrets in their grave. After everything, they must kill him

HappyPagan:
The Police is setup to investigate crime, not poverty. At least, na wetin we read for book.

bukatyne:
Nobody likes it.

Infact, most humans don't like to apologize for what they did talk more of something not done.

Let's look at the OP's situation:

1. She is married to a typical 'Nigerian' husband with ego, entitlement, think they deserve worship, unwilling to invest in the good of the marriage et AL.

2. This particular strain keeps malice whenever there is a misunderstanding (never mind who is wrong) till she apologizes

3. For some reasons, his malice gets to her.

4. She is NOT ready to leave the marriage as at today, nobody knows tomorrow.

5. From points 1 to 4 above, the onus is on her to try and create an atmosphere relatively peaceful because she cannot ignore him.

6. When I say apologize, it is not the heartfelt I realize I am wrong type. It is the sorry, let me rest type.

Just how we do 'Bros nor vex, where is the road to the abbattoir' or 'sorry, are you the last on the queue/ is there any one behind you?'

In the Scenario above, you are not sorry for anything, it is however an ice breaker.

So also her husband starts, it is 'daddy X, abeg no vex, I did not see it that way' or 'I am sorry you felt that way'.

You are not even apologizing for what you did however for the way other person feels.

We must learn to focus on what we can control and move on.

dominique:
Men nag more than women in marriage yet they keep saying it's women that nag. Me, I can't keep apologising for the wrong I did not do, if he wants to carry face, let him carry face. Good thing my ignore game is on point. If you refuse to eat, I stop cooking for you. I may not always talk back but I won't keep quiet all the time because I gats to be submissive.

@op
A lot of people treat you bad because you let them get away with it. You need to start standing up for yourself. Tell him disagreeing with him does not mean you're disrespecting him. Once a while, remind him of your contributions to the family. Tell him you're ready to live without him if that's what will give you peace of mind. If he's still acting up, park him to one side and face your kids. Start being selfish, put yourself first. let your happiness revolve around yourself and your kids. The moment men see how well you can and will live without them, they tend to sit up.

princessConfy:
seeing this post frightens me more. my relationship of 5 months is giving me headache. he said he can't give me money except I ask. I've tried to explain to him that I'm not good in asking and I don't ask because he said his ex gf used to be too demanding. now I don't know if I ask small he may think I'm pretending if I ask big he may think I'm too demanding. He will ask me to visit and when I want to leave he'll wait till we are almost at the junction before he will ask if I have T.p. anytime we have an argument he will threatened our relationship...
I don tire... cos I don't know if I should continue or quit.. relationship wahala

Ibkay32:
cal me please if you need my service

Amhappy:
Lol at ruining a marriage when you are already living with high BP. Fact check most Nigeria women are living with high BP because of their unhappy marriages. The marriage already ruin you,all you need is to survive and not die. I can relate with sacrificing, cutting your hair to avoid spending on hairdo,borrowing money from friends, siblings,pensioneer parents and even enemies just to survive. Mine is also about to ruin my business i wanted to open a thread on Nairaland about that but advise has been replace by insults here . A friend taught me not to carry husband matter for head and that what has been helping me. If you die you die for nothing. Its time to gather heart and live your fantasy in the movies. Mine is better that he shows appreciation sometimes and don't shout or quarrel talk-less of fight. He still hold on to God and his faith all the same. The frustration surface here and then. Poverty will frustrate your life. Can turn a sweet soul into a demon. Hope is not lost. All the best.

Uckroot:
The only thing people should learn from this thread is that IF YOU ARE STILL LACKING FINANCIALLY YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE CHILDREN.

Lack of family planning is even worse.

If your combined salary can’t keep a roof over your heads and feed you sufficiently while attending to dreams and aspirations just cancel all thoughts of children.

This is the 21st century. Anybody wey decide do like our parents because “they turned out fine” that person need flogging.

A word reach the wise to soak full bucket of garri.

Mizwisdom:
95% of Nigerian marriages are going through similar turmoil. Nigerian men are not raised to be good husbands, even you will still raise your son to punish his wife and cling to your Apron. That's what it is here so whatever you see in your marriage, take it like that

MizJaY:
Sorry for the long message but this lockdown period might favour reading long msgs.

I'm the quiet type so I have never opened mouth to insult my husband during any misunderstanding. Just arguments and my voice may go up a bit trying to explain or clear myself but he will start saying im raising my voice and talking back at him and start saying all sorts of things.

Honestly sometimes I wished I could unleash the anger deep down and screammm but I always have self control. If u sit with him, he will give u a million reasons why I'm not a good wife and if u don't know me well, u will fall for it because he tells it so well. I will not say everything he says is false, but 80% is. Only those that really know me, will know he is d one that has problem. He's too difficult at times.

In an office, there's usually that one person that quarrels with everyone am I right? But I end up being d only person that dat person doesn't quarrel with cos I try as much as possible to avoid quarrels that's just d kind of person I am. Calm and quiet.

When I met my husband NYSC days, he was very close to God, organizing programs in church and handling them. That was the main reason I got close to him cos I wasnt so spiritual and needed someone to help me grow spiritually through life. He told me he was called to be a pastor and that excited me but I'm not seeing that now lol. He's spiritual life is almost zero. And back then, he had nothing, we would spend all my money even to reach his sick mother in the village I would buy all the foodstuff to send to her.

The way he talked he sounded promising that things will get better with him, but today, I still suffer, I have no savings, all my salary is on the house. He works too and earns but he's salary covers rent and the children's school fees finished. I do the rest but he doesn't appreciate the fact that I sacrifice everything I earn to feeding the house. We are family of 6. Everything provision, food, children school snack, fuel for car and gen, gas filing etc etc it's me. And that's how my whole salary will just go fiam.

if I ws getting a little appreciation I for no mind but rather I get insults o. It's my fault that
Money is finished, it's my fault that we have no savings, I don't know how to manage money, I'm hoarding my money etc etc those are d words that come out of his mouth o.

I used to be a beautiful woman but no more, I wear one shoe everyday to work, can't buy myself clothes shoes nothing I had to cut my hair to relieve myself from hair money lol. I'm stressed out thinking of where money will come for feeding when my salary gets finished before month end at times I have to beg my sister or my dad a pensioner or hussle one way or d other. I now developed high bp and today I'm living with hypertension taking drugs everyday. It was my parents that gave my husband d job he's doing today. He is not in talking terms with he's dad n siblings. Before he's mother died, things were not too good between them. My husband likes to always form man of d house and want me to apologise whenever there's a misunderstanding saying that I am d one wrong, I'm always wondering how am always the one wrong and he's not � every time.

Sometimes self I don't know what I did that mks him angry he will just start carrying face. Today makes it a week we are not talking cos he has been carrying face since 7days now, and went to post something on wassap yesterday that a woman that cannot apologise to her husband cannot stay in marriage.

My brothers and sisters if I know of anything I did that I have to apologise for yet I refused to apologise that is making him carry face, may God strike me. If u know I did anything wrong why not come to me and tell me u don't like what I did and tell me what i did rather than carry face up n down. He always does that. At times I do ask him and as usual am always d one at fault. Maybe it's cos I'm a quiet person he's taking me for mumu.

The national anthem now is that because he does not have money that's why I don't respect him the way I'm supposed to. I'm always careful with my word when gisting with him cos make I make mistake say Donald duke is d current governor of rivers state haaa problem don enter and it may spoil d sweet gisting we were having. He go almost insult me and become uninterested in gisting with me again cos i don talk mumu talk.

So how can I handle such man cos if no be say I be quiet person, I for don receive serious beating black and blue from this man cos he has done it earlier on in our marriage not serious beating sha but I had some bruises. If not that my parents are still alive and warned him. Tho he still attempts once in a blue moon I go jus arrange myself. But I'm kind of tired. I have no money cos trust me, if I had, Maybe i for don dey plan my move sef I no dey enjoy marriage life at all

Gregorian2020:
They value money more than each other. This are couple who came together as a result of sweet sex they had. They decided to get married so that they can continue the pleasure of sex unknowingly to them, marriage is different from sex. Money don come sweet sex turn sour

sassysure:
U were not wrong.
The poster put that headline to sensaionalise it.

That woman is in obvious pain and I wouldn't want to watch that video again.
U will get to agree that she is right about her claims towards the end of the video.

The man loves that boy more than her and her children. It's very obvious even if u don't understand what she is saying.

Hmm.

My heart breaks for the kids.

As for that mullato, one day, he will meet his doom.

Ishilove:
I am surprised that this kind of nepotism exists in the seminary and by extension the Catholic Church. I would have thought they will be happy to even have your applications. Later later when the one who failed starts misbehaving people will start casting aspersions on the church of God, not knowing the dubious way the person got admitted in the first place.

God is the judge of all. You can still serve God in other capacities so don't be discouraged.

lastchild:
American laws favors women than Nigerian law

kakaG:
A true definition of faithfulness in marriage is when a man has a robust bank account and is very influential + perfect at satisfying his woman. Other than these it's a tall order.

I am a married man who has never caught his wife cheating at all yet, I do not rule out totally the possibility.

Women like comfort and pleasures, give these to them....you king

creolehunt:
I just thought about the girls I've been with and noticed a certain trend. This isn't even about the girls themselves who are excellent human beings, but their families.

First girl I dated revealed to me that the dad died of suspected poisoning and her family were chased out of the family house. Her eldest brother is an area boy while it seems things aren't working out for her other siblings.

The next ones dad was late too, one of her sisters is separated from her husband while the first son of nearly 40 has nothing doing.

The other ones history is that her dad is late too. The eldest sister is cohabiting with a man. They have 2 kids already without being married. Her other sisters bride price was just paid after having 3 kids with a man.

For the other one, her dad is late too, died quite early. The eldest sister is in her 30s and unmarried. Her other sister has 3kids for a man who she isn't married to and now they are separated. Things aren't just working for her people.

The one I just met recently told me her parents are late. Lost both of them to suspected poisoning within the space of one year.

I keep wondering if this is some sort of coincidence.