₦airaland Forum

Condolences bro.

The good Lord will grant you wisdom and unfailing grace that will guide you to great success in all your endeavors!

Klass99:
All of them are a problem not just the husband alone. What sort of father in-law behaves like this? That's a serious biitch move for a man and as for the elder sister.....I am speechless.

I gat you. But I zeroed in on the husband because he gave the leeway to those his relatives to do what they are doing.

He is the one who supposed make sure any assault to his wife is a redline.

Olamidegal:
I am one year and three month old in marriage , my husband elder sister has her shop in front of our house , somehow the land belongs to there late mother who gave it to them .
The problem is my sister inlaw is very intrusive, always trying to have a say in the marriage , one time I have resisted her interference, she reported me to their father who came to the house to warn me that the elder sister is there to be leading both me and my husband in the marriage as an experience woman who is ten years old in marriage , I find this annoying but I just had to keep quiet .her workers do come into my house to pick anything from my kitchen or the room and use it carelessly . One time I got back home and I saw one of the wrapper I use in backing my baby tied arround the waist of one of her workers and I wasn't so cool with it , I told her to wash it and return it for me that I do not joke with that wrapper , she refuses , the next day I saw the wrapper on the floor very dirty and I was very angry I told her to go wash it and return it , she told me she can't cos she's not the only one that uses it and that it's my sister in law that brought it out, I told the girl that she should never enter my house to pick anything again when my sister in law arrived she started blackmailing me with so u cannot leave ordinary wrapper , if you say she shouldn't enter the house that means u pursued me and all..I had to stand my ground it's not just about the wrapper anymore , it's the fact that the girl was rude to me I am 10 years older than this girl and that I insist that she shouldn't enter my house again, she said stuffs like i am rude to her as well so I shouldn't bother about the girl being rude and left . Now she started acting up , but I make sure I greet her everyday and move on , I no longer sit with her or discuss with her sometimes she doesn't answer and sometimes she answer somehow , this girl of hers never greeted me again after that day .
Now the challenge is she had gone to report me to the father as usual , the father calls my husband and I don't know what they discuss but he has stopped talking to me in the house , he's always supporting his family anyway and his father has stopped calling me as well all of the calls themselves from time to time discussing me most times my husband run outside to answer there calls ..was I wrong in my approach, what could I have done better it looks like I am living among people that hate me they all stay close

Your husband is the problem not those his relatives. He is the one who doesn't value you.

Except you begged him to marry you, otherwise he should value you and stop using you as a bargaining chip in dealing with his people.

To achieve this, ask him why he doesn't seems to value and regard you and does he still have interest in the marriage?

His response will determine your next line of action. But I guess you need a break (move to your own parents place for some months) and only go back to him when he realized his mistakes and is committed to change.

Naofumi:
Am 18 and will be 19 next tomorrow. But am not proud of myself.
I don't have any skill at all, no specialties and no motivation.
I've been filled with hatred that I want to kill each and every one that made me feel bad.
My mother and the rest of the family said alot of things to me for not being able to bring money like my elder brother. Am in HND 2 Currently, Computer engineering..... I have a Good GPA of 3.45 (nearly distinction).
But I still hate it, cause even if I got 4.0 no one is there to be proud of me.

Do other children feel the same? If yes then why can't I endure and be like them? I want to work long ago but I was stoped saying am to finish school first.
My father don't provide at all. And every morning the insults begins with me.
What should I do? I've thought of suicide countless times but I couldn't do it. I don't know why..... Maybe am born not to succeed in anything.

Don't harm yourself because of what people say to you or about you!

But you need to work on yourself because no matter how good your CGPA, it doesn't guarantee a great life after school.

Examine yourself to know the kinds of skills that interests you. Dedicate time to learn and master one of them and then strategy on how to monetize it (render service or create products for sale). Good luck!

oladahunsi:
How can I ask them if they would pay or not?

Ask another staff member that been there before now

Mrlance15:
My mum is unemployed, thanks to my deadbeat dad, I'm a middle child in my family, the siblings before me aren't doing well, and the two after me are just secondary school kids, my dad never invested in us educationally and in other relevant areas he's obligated to perform, infact he bailed on us and start living on his own, he even stopped financing my education I had to drop out, so I'm a uni drop out rn, he believes taking care of your children is not his responsibility and he doesn't owe us anything, that after secondary school he has tried and doesn't owe you university or anything, he always tell us that helping us isn't his obligation that his little contribution which is primary school education is mercy enough, he made it clear we won't inherit anything from him that we should go and hustle on our own, he actually loved his first kids more, he gave them everything and neglected me and my siblings, he always lament on how he prefers his first wife to my mum and we're liabilities, this is because his first children are well to do and they send him money from time to time with a stern warning that he shouldn't feed us with the money they sent, and they told him that if he wants to keep recieving the money he should alienate himself from us (me and my siblings) so he did that, my dad is a terrible person, everything I have said is just the tip of an iceberg but I won't go into everything in detail.
My problem is everything fell on me due to my dad alienating us and my mum being unemployed, among my siblings I'm the only one doing well financially, it's not enough but I make average money from time to time with freelancing.
Feeding is on me, rent, hospital bills, my mum is indepted to many people and I work tirelessly to clear her dept gradually, this made me take loans and all, now I'm in my 20s and I haven't done anything with my life, I have no savings, no car, nothing, because everything I make goes into family upkeep, everything is on me, even my older brother rely on me for recharge card, that's how bad it is, so I'm the only one carrying everything, my problem now is since family issues won't let me invest in myself, will I be in this endless circle of redundancy and turn out to be a failure later in life? Because at my age I should have savings or move forward in life, I'm always broke because any money I get goes into family problem, I don't do anything for myself and I'm close to 30.

Good that you have realized it now. What you need to do is to use the next few months to hustle and start up something for your mum that you are sure she can make work. For the first three or so months of the business be involved as a supervisor, teach her what she needs to know about managing the business as well as financial management skills.

As soon as you are certain the business is stable and she can successfully keep managing it, go and rent far away from them. You can then recognize your life and start investing in yourself, saving and reinvesting some part of your funds.

You can still send an affordable monthly upkeep to your mum both for the family up and for her to reinvest the rest into the business.

Hello, I have $52 Paypal funds for sale. If you are interested contact me through my signature.

UYEMDO35:
Thanks for your advise, sir.
Actually I have been tolerating the attitude of my stepmom and if I continue staying here with dem... I might likely end up having misunderstanding with her and that's what I really don't want becuz she's an elderly woman. Sir, it's just too much for me... I really feel so lonely and depressed.
Getting a job in dis remote environment is not easy even there's no decent job that can suit my standard rather than helping someone to cultivate his or her farm....and that's what my family have subjected me into since I'm at home dey now go into farming and lve me to do all the work.....

How long do I need to wait for the result to be release..... I cannot continue leaving my life dis way. I wish I had money I would have started something lucrative with it but right now and fuckin stranded even I can't even afford 10naira for myself. How long do I continue to wait... The environment is very poor no place to secure a decent job.

Though! I have made up mind to join military despite that my Dad is against it but right now I had no choice and I want to totally free myself from dis bondage... Anytime the result is ready I would collect it and keep it somewhere...

So I intended having dis discussion with my Dad to see his reaction. So I don't know whether I should go on

You have to do whatever you think is best for you because you are the only one who can fight for yourself.

If taking the right decision right now will make you have differences with your dad, do it. Later when you are already standing on your feet, you can make it up to him. Cheers!

UYEMDO35:
Please bear grammatical errors
In a couple of months, I will be turning 27 and I feel am far behind my mate and I'm not successful with whatever I choose to do.... No achievement to boast of, I already feel like a failure, some times I goes into depression because of the huge responsibility ahead of me....
When I was 18yrs, I was so sure of what I was going to become but as time goes on everything started falling apart.


My story goes dis way..... I believe I have been living my life for the sake of my Dad.... Who has always been in control of everything concerning me.... While growing up at the early stage of my life Dad and my late stepmom were very strict on us..( I and my brother), I have always live a life of fear... We were never permitted to have friends not even associating with my distance relatives Because dey see them as evil. I was never social and I live a boring life throughout even getting to dis present stage.
I have always been a loyal son to my Dad, always submissive and obedient to him.
Even the school I went to, it was my Dad's choice.on getting there i got to discover it was a part-time programme instead of Full-time, I informed Dad about it and he instructed me to continue with it.since am not the one paying for my school fees. I knew I was never going to do well because I was too young to put in for part-time program... I believe part-time is meant for the working class people..... Fast-forward I graduated and it's been a year that I've been waiting to obtain my statement of result. And according to a friend of mine, he told me it might take up to 3years before it will be ready and I think it's just too much. I'm begining to lose patience. As soon as i rounded up my studies, Dad ask me to come home... And now, here I'm with Dem.
Things has been very rough for me ever since I came back home, I'm Just stranded always indoor, no freedom to do whatever I want to do. Few days back i went to check what I can lay my hands to do just to get little cash, At least to maintain myself and take care of some of my essential needs but when I came back home, I was been caution to mind the way I go out otherwise it won't be funny. {Just imagine}
At dis stage when am supposed to be totally independent am still asking my Dad to give me money to have my haircut, to buy boxers ,foot wears and so on. Sometimes I get insulted before been given.
When I was in school Dad married without my consent on returning home..... My stepmom now looks down on me as a failure including my younger siblings..... I'm just tired of everything .... I have always try not to apply force so that I won't messed up everything for myself.i try not to do anything illegal in other to keep my good reputation but Right now, I want to stand out and become the best version of myself.... I don't mind going extra mice just to achieve my purpose.... If I don't make a choice now, I will be kicked out from the house anything soon....and I believe my step mom is working towards that becuz she sees me as an obstacles to d house.
My Dad is an influential person he has promised to secure a job for me by d time my result would be out and how long do I need to wait.... But I think that's just am empty promise becuz a time will come when he will force me to lve his house. And right now.
I'm tired of saying thank u ma thank you sir..... It's just too much me and I believe anytime soon dey might even as me to start watching plate......
I think I'm a loser already and Right now am considering leaving the house at least to start from some where.

There are two approaches I will advise you to apply:

One is to not pick up issues with your dad and continue to coexist with him at his house while you await the release of your result.

Secondly, while waiting, go out and get a job to do no matter how small the pay. It will give you both financial freedom and mental/psychological stability. Also ensure you start saving too no matter how small! This second action will give you the needed work experience while preparing you on how to live an independent life.

Once the result comes out and your dad delayed in fixing you up as promised, you will know he has no plans for you. At this point, use your savings to move out of his domain and forcus on building yourself to become the success you desire.

ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum. However, as she aged, her health waned. Se was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it. Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed. What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

Simply remind her that you accept and believe that 'marriage is between a man and his wife only! And don't allow it but support your in-laws family with financial and material aids for the upkeep of their mum.

This is very important so that she will learn her lesson otherwise she will think she is smart and can always have her way.

Lack of commitment (communication- a responder only and not an initiator, a receiver only and not a giver, manipulative, etc)

Disloyalty/Disrespect

Cheating

Dishonesty/Lies

Nagging

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Writing a series book published in both ebook and paperback editions remains one of the best marketing strategies ever devised in the book publishing industry!

Dynamicbliss:
This is the situation I found myself some days back, it wasn't strange though, but helping only those that are close to us and ignoring the other even when we know the other person who you don't know is asking for help isn't too good, we can't be living on man know man alone.

so I trekked to where I went today because I couldn't get cash, but there was some cash where I went to, after the activities of the day, I told the person in charge that I needed cash of which he agreed and told me to wait, after about an hour plus, he said the cash is finished, someone then ask if I told him before and he said yes but other people (first class citizens) just came and collected it, and he apologized, I just smiled and left.
Then there was this lady that I knew that has some cash in her hand, so I asked her if I could get some cash, even little so I could atleast get home after the stress, she was then asking another person that's her friend if he wanted cash (not like he asked o), the person said no, but she didn't even respond to me again. I jejely mind my business and was about leaving to start my trekking back home.
Then a young mother (God bless her) that was sitting by called me that she has a spare #500 with her, she gave me and I thanked her and also made transfer to her.
Though I know the situation of things are hard now, but we can try and made it better for ourselves and those around us.

So sorry for your experience.

Maybe you should try filling stations in your area you can get cash from them. This have worked for me before. Cheers

ChybuzzDD:
Many Nigerians are mean and terrible people, especially when 'some small powers enter their hands', and that's quite unfortunate

And yet majority blame others (most especially our leaders), as if they will do better when given the opportunity.

An average Nigerian is just something else. You only know who they truly are when you have a close dealings with them or when they are in position of power!

Dearlove2me:
The truth is right now, I feel like going somewhere for a while. I feel like I need rest. Somewhere I can forget about all my problems and breathe a fresh air.
My husband has not been honest with me since the beginning of this marriage and I doubt if this is an attitude of a man that loves

He has always been in debt even before I married him. and he wouldn't let me know what he do with the money he keeps borrowing from people. Even my friends I introduced to him, he is owning them and can't pay back.

The bad side is, he borrows and stop picking their calls not respond nicely to them.
He behalves badly to them.
I'm suspecting he's into some kind of addiction that demands money. Maybe gambling but he wouldn't tell me.
He's constantly on his phone.

He is owning loan app everywhere. To the extent that the app had to send hurrible messages to his contact's lists including his bosses, office colleagues and my relatives.
It's so embarrassing and tiring.
He has apologized several times that I should give him time to work on himself to stop an addiction, but he refused to explain what it is. Claiming that I might leave him if I know.
But he has not changed abit.
We are always hungry in this house. No baby food for my 6months old baby, no pampers and everything is total struggle. I quit my job last year but I'll soon start job search once my baby grow a little.
In this house, If I don't look for food, then, we starve, I don't look for means of getting pampers, food, wears,then my baby will suffer, because his daddy is not capable of providing anything for us. It's so annoying.

I have dreams before I married him, but right now, I feel lost. There's no romance, no love, no affection in this marriage anymore, as I wouldn't even let him touch me because of the stress, suffer he constantly brings on us.

Money I raised to start up a business, (340k) I ended up using it to pay for his debt last two months because the people were always coming to embarrass us in the house and neighbors were coming to pleade on our behalf. I had to clear up the loan, yet he couldn't explain what he did with the money.
With that start up capital, I would have been growing by now, but here I am. Still at the zero point.

I'm really tired
I'm so confused here.
What should I do?
What would you advise?

You need a breathing space, followed by a detailed and sincere explaination of what the addiction is and the steps he is going to take to conquer it.

Once he has sincerely open up to you, watch him from afar lfor ike two months. If there is positive changes, inform him you will only come back on one condition "Once he goes back to his addiction, you quit the marriage".

Vyvyanvyvy:
I have rejected the money because he called me greedy he said that I am only interested in his money but I don't want him to have access to his children.

Alright, I see

Vyvyanvyvy:
Hello guys sorry to bother you again, I have a question to ask you if you can help me with answers , my ex husband sent his brother to my shop to give me 30k for our 2 children upkeep the children he hasn't bothered to cater for 3 years since our separation. The brother has also asked me for my number because my ex has something important to tell me. I told him to call him with his phone so I can talk to him which he did and my ex asked to see the children that he will be sending his brother to pick them up every 2 weeks on satursay to spend time with him and he will be bringing them back in the evening he also added he will be giving me 30k every 2 weeks saturday. He remmaried he has a son. I told him that I don't trust him with the children because of what happened when we separated he seize our daughter and I had to report him to the human rights to get her back and I don't want to go through it again. He said we should put the past behind all he wants is to have a great relationship with his children , I told him I can't release the children to him he should go to human rights or court he cut the call and I gave back the 30k to his brother to give it back to him. He left he hasn't returned back and I want to know if I was wrong for asking him to go court or human rights for visitation because I am scared he will seize them again . please advise me

You did the right thing as per him having access to the children!

But for rejecting the money, you cheated yourself. You and your children have right to what ever resources he made available for them wether he has access to them right now or not.

Failure2019:
I just got fired from my job yesterday and I have no idea why, just out of the blue.

Any advice to help with this. I cried on my drive home because I really enjoyed working there and the pay was good. I guess that's what I get for trying to ever make something of myself.

I try to make an honest living as a young man trying to enter the workforce and this is what happens.
Is it time to become an unemployed once again?

I feel bleeped. Life is bleeped. I just wanted a nice house, a wife and a little savings I'm the bank. Guess that's not happening

Maybe you need to change your username!

Laudable

Happy Anniversary Nairaland and kudos to Seun.

Ijelenwanyioma:
I am gradually falling into depression and I am 5months pregnant.

I have a brother I love so much. We are just 2 and I am older than him. Honestly this boy has taken advantage of being the only son to be extremely misbehaving. With the little money I am making from my business, I have tried several times to set up a business for this boy. My daddy has sold all his land just to see this boy grow but he always end up squandering everything on drug. He has been to psychiatric hospital on 2 different occasions and I was the one that paid for every dime spent there. He has a girlfriend that is just like him, very rude, mannerless and nasty. She has unapologetically insulted everyone including my parents. My brother is 32years and has lived with me several times before getting an apartment.

So recently a prophet told my dad to get him a wife and he will never misbehave again and can also start giving birth. My brother insisted on marrying his girlfriend which everyone was against but my dad just have to do it. My poor dad spent his hard earned money on the marriage rite and paying for their apartment, the girl got pregnant. I promised to buy all the baby things they will be needing. For the past 6 months, my 75yrs old father has not been working and feeling well. I have been the one taking care of all his responsibilities both feeding and medicals. My dad will always call to report my brother wife to me that the girl is always asking him money in very rude manner. At a time, I told my dad to stop picking her calls. Last year Nov, my brother asked me for 200k which I told him I don't have because the 1m I gave him before was wasted.

So I invited my dad to lagos so I can take him to a good hospital and my brother and his wife came to visit him. After much talk, I told her to never call my dad and ask him money again because the man is no longer working and sick. She said she has not been asking my daddy money.
I asked her if she's calling my daddy a liar and she said yes my daddy is a bloody liar and I am so stupid to believe what my daddy told me. I told her to leave my house and she started screaming and abusing me. My brother stood there and also joined her abusing me telling me that if I can't accept his wife then I should forget about him. The wife refuse to go, she told me to do my worst. Thank God for neighbours that intervene before she left.

It's been 3 months I ended every relationship between me and my brother. Now my parents is calling me that I should make peace with my brother. My mother has been supporting my brother and show it clear to me that he's more important than me despite everything I am doing for her. She has been the one pushing my dad to tell me to call my brother and make peace with him. I told my father I can never do it and both me and my kids will never have anything to do with his son and his family again. I love my father so much and I have noticed he don't pick my calls again like before. Honestly I wish I have the mind to block all of them and just concentrate on my life and kids. But I can't just forget my father like that and I can never beg my junior brother too. I don't just know what to do

They are telling me he's a man and I shouldn't expect him to beg rather I should be the one to beg him

Although your dad made the mistake of selling off his landed properties for the sake of a carefree child, don't end relationship with your parents but totally cut off your brother and his wife.

It is by so doing that they will see the need to be serious with their lives instead of waiting for handouts.

[quote author=Whiteangel1234 post=121443599]Nigerians protest massively today for Peter Obi to be declared winner . Accused INEC and Tinubu of Rigging

Link

"Give us Obi, give Obi" - Nigerians in diaspora protest in front of Nigeria Embassy in U.K.

𝗦𝗼 𝗟𝗣 David Hundeyin Old Naira Seyi Tinubu Tiwa Desmond Elliot Agaygay CBN Act Toke Makinwa Top to Bottom 1999 Constitution APGA Ruth Uloma Obanikoro Adesua Soludo Mason Greenwood pic.twitter.com/O683tl1Onu

— Bini Woman (@EniyeAmeze) March 3, 2023

like Rishi Sunak was declared winner as prime minister of UK in Nigeria?

Jking20:
Wonders shall never ceases to amaze me, so both 2nd and 3rd place are claiming to be the true winners who should we believe now?

None