₦airaland Forum

Have you paid him his complete agreement money? Go pay it!

Familyplug:
In athe "Old days". It never occurred to parents to get involved in their children's homework issues except on very rare occasions. They thought it was the child's work and responsibility. What Changed?

What has changed is that schools are pushing more responsibilities back home.

This is so because the schools have few manpower, hence the workload is much. The teachers therefore push most of the exercises back home with few or no class exercises but just copying of notes.

naice:
I find myself facing a difficult situation in my marriage and would greatly appreciate your insights and advice. The issue at hand revolves around my wife's unwillingness to listen to me. I'm at a loss as to why she behaves this way, and it's starting to take a toll on our relationship.

To provide some context, my wife has a strong-headed personality, which often leads to conflicts between us. No matter how gently I communicate my concerns or requests, she seems to disregard them and even does the opposite. This behavior frustrates me and leaves me questioning our compatibility.

One possible explanation I've considered is her background as an orphan. She lost her parents at a young age and had to take on the responsibility of caring for herself and her siblings. While I understand the challenges she faced, it seems like her self-reliance has translated into a resistance to accepting input or guidance from others, including me.

At this point, I have contemplated divorce, but there's a significant factor holding me back: our children. I love them deeply and cannot bear the thought of being separated from them. As much as her strong-headedness affects me, I firmly believe that domestic violence is never an option.

I'm reaching out to this community for reasonable opinions and advice on how to navigate this situation. Have any of you experienced a similar dynamic in your relationships? How did you cope with a spouse who doesn't listen? Are there effective strategies to foster better communication and understanding in such circumstances?

Thank you in advance for your support and guidance. Your insights will be invaluable in helping me make an informed decision about the future of my marriage."

If not that you have given an excuse on her behalf, I would have said she probably doesn't respect/regard you or probably regretting ending up with you!

avidkeke:
thank u and am a guy...i hate self pity but do I have a choice Dan to feel pitied

You have to overcome the habit of entertaining self-pity. It is a dangerous thing because it breeds procrastination and hence leads to failure.

Tell yourself that being an orphan is not an obstacle to being great but that from now on you will take it as a motivating factor.

Just know you will have to pay your dues by putting more efforts into things than an average person will do but you will surely achieve the same results as others and at times better results because the additional efforts are compensated for that way by nature.

And finally, you need to develop a positive mental attitude that is believing you have what it takes to achieve any objective you set your mind on.

Start living by purpose that is set goals and targets for yourself in every aspect of your life (career, financial, material needs, relationships etc). And then create actionable plans and take daily steps to achieve them.

If you are the type that read, send me a mail and I will share with you some good books by Napoleon Hill that will be of great help to you.

avidkeke:
I need a mentor dat I will follow to church because church is the worst place because everyone is minding there business..no one ask if therr is a orphan or someone dat needs help

Being an orphan might be distressing but manageable.

I don't know if you are a guy or girl but which ever one, I want you to believe more in yourself.

Stop entertaining self-pity. Just find a purpose or ideal to live for and pursue it with all diligence and success/happiness will surely locate you.

But then, I am open to chatting with you to share ideas with you on how you can handle life or work with life!

Weevel77:
you can imagine. This is so annoying seriously. Why are they deceiving us then? They should stop publicising their vacant position since they already have their candidates to occupy those vacant position

So God fatherism has been in existence before today?

It is pure wickedness. They make unsuspecting individuals to go through the recruiting processes (stages) expending their time and financial resources in the process.

They will then use the recruitment data so generated to recruit connected candidates or candidates who pay for job slots.

Swissli:
i've tried this app several times but never truly understand it, is this like the real name of the person currently using the sim or it's what he likes to be called? thanks btw

Most times it can be the real name. It depends on how the App first got the name. It is not necessarily through the one who bears the name but likely through a third party who suggested it or saved it that way in his or her phone.

Swissli:
Sincerely speaking, I never thought people could be this wicked, yesterday I was gifted airtime , won it actually by helping someone with something, I then tried to convert the airtime to cash, I am badly in need of money so I was looking for someone to buy the airtime 1k for 1k, my very good friend recommended someone, I don't usually trust easily but since he was recommended, I decided to make an exception, yesterday evening I chatted him up and he said I should send the airtime to this mtn number 0 81 3201 2639..before sending it I made sure to let him know that that was all that was with me that without it I won't eat anything for the day talk less of the next, I said so much to garner sympathy to at least remove any mind of dubiousness if it was there, he assured me and I sent the airtime, I messaged him from yesterday till this morning with no reply until he blocked me about 2 hours ago, I told my friend and she says he has never acted like this before that he was the one who helped her out on several occasions

With Truecaller, the identity of the person using that phone number is shown below.

Damilolly:
Many posters have given sensible replies of which this is one.

I just want to reiterate to the OP that Pastor Jerry celebrates Hilda the cook for her fame, position and wealth; till today he's not had anything to say about her way of life. If your wife does similar, shakes her bum almost naked, wears just netting etc but hits the jackpot she'll be celebrated by people like him and testify of financial blessings. He was recently called out for giving a very rara actress a huge amount of money for her birthday. Men like him preach "prosperity" not the "gospel" that Jesus came to share. Yes, he might utter one or two sentences about holiness once in a blue moon but 99% of the program is about how much you can get if you fully submit to him/his ministry. So hopefully you'll also give him some money while doing all you can to get more via your professions even if it's dressing skimpy selling lust.

Perhaps it's time as the spiritual head of your home to decipher what it means to follow Jesus and then begin to institute it in your home. Read the Bible yourself in your home as a family daily so you see directly what God says, not outsourced to men who plucked verses out from all over the place to make a selfish point totally out of context and for their own benefit. Thankfully you already have a child who can align with you as you direct your family but hurry before she becomes a teenager.

Ps: please do not lie or do anything illegal, immoral or unethical.
If you succeed in deceiving your wife, falsely imprisoning her, destroying her passport etc how does that build your home and relationship with not only your wife but your creator and what does it teach your child? If your child intends to remain in the West you need to be intentional about the values you teach her. If the examples set are that it's ok to break the law to have one's way it will be hard for her to resist temptation when she is faced with it. She might be a doctor, lawyer, teacher, IT professional etc but she's tempted to take some meds, breach confidentiality, etc and that can ruin one's career in a land where the law is mainly followed to the letter.

You're the man of your home, lead in love as the head, serve them, help some more with the house work.
Your wife is earning more and doing most of the house work. I assure you she hasn't picked up UK attitudes. She won't be doing that if it was the case. I pray you do the right thing for your home.

Single point of correction. The man never said his wife is earning more money than him but that he is now earning less than he used to in Nigeria.

Check his statement I quoted below:

na then i come dey sense sey there could be more to it, ""is it because I earn lesser now that I was in nija"", is it because the system is changing her mentals

@twang414

Your wife is the one irritating and frustrating you. Depriving you the opportunity of focusing on your forward progress.

So, own up to your responsibility of the decision of relocating don't blame any system or government.

If it is possible to get elsewhere to stay and leave her to her faith, do it. So you can focus and build up yourself again for good without any form of distraction.

DyshApp:
Beyond the gift-giving, acts of service, physical touch, words of affirmation, or quality time and all that lovey-dovey whatever.

Very often, we hear about the five love languages that help us understand our partners better. Things that help us to love and care for our partners in ways they desire to be loved. However, these are only applicable when everything seems green and rosy. In those moments of raising voices, walking away, and exchanging words, how do we deal with our partners?

When conflict arises, we desire to be heard, and quite frankly, I don't think anyone wants to be spending time with or be touched by a partner who they have unresolved conflict with.

Realistically, every healthy relationship has conflicts, and when these issues arise, it is important to know your partner's fight languages or responses to amicably resolve conflicts. Just as we need to understand the love languages of our partners, we also need to understand their fight languages, as they are essential in understanding how to communicate with your partner.

Broadly speaking, we have people who are expressive in conflicts and prefer to address the issues immediately; on the other hand, some are suppressive and prefer not to address the issues head-on. Let's break these personality types into categories to fully understand the what and how of dealing with a partner's anger and our anger as well.

Check out some perfect responses to dealing with relationship fight language on Dyshus webpage(link in bio)

What do you think makes a relationship last long?

Application of the golden rule!

klimkid:
My girlfriend and I have been dating for 3 years now and it's about time we start planning on getting married. One thing I no for sure is that she loves me and I do love her too. Recently, she told me that her mom went to some churches and they told her it won't work, about 3 pastors. But my girlfriend told her friend to tell her pastor to pray about it. So he prayed about it and he gave us feedback after 3 days and he said the marriage will work, he said I will give my girlfriend peace, take care of her and make her happy. There's a woman that prays for me here in Lagos, she said there is nothing wrong with both of us. I also called my Rev. Father and he said that nobody has the right to say the person is for this person or the marriage won't work. He said marriage is a decision both of us will take and pray about it. He said hence we love ourselves so much, should leave it for God and continue with our relationship. Guys, have you experienced this before? What do you think? I am confused.

You don't need anybody to tell you if your marriage will work or not.

There are only two people that can make it work and that is you and her except there is something out of the ordinary!

This is Nigeria! If you continue like this, you will just harm yourself for nothing.

What makes you think going to service before 27 years of age is what will determine your chances of getting a job or being successful in life. See life in Nigeria is street and you have to be strong as a guy to overcome the various challenges you will surely encounter.

So, go out there and look for a job by yourself as that will help build your confidence and give you experience too.

Thomthom:
House, please I need Serious mature advice. On the 7th of June I had a quarrel with wify the Quarel was so bad that it resulted into insult upon insult from both sides.. So I decided to leave the house to stay with my colleagues first. What is making me always surprised and sad is that when I got married in 2015, after marriage, Sapa wanted to kill us both. I am a civil servants I was not paid for about 8 month during the wedding but the savings I had, what what I used to package the marriage ceremony and I was down after the marriage.. I resulted to riding my bike at night to make some money for us to feed. Please note that NOBODY REMEMBER US O. After about 3 years of of moving from Civil servant to riding bike to feed wify, another govt came in and paid all the areas we were own.. I gave all the money up for wify to start Business.. To God be the glory BOOM wify hand was good in bussinness Naira started falling in. financial pressure on me dropped. I was know even having more money with me to drink beer after work. Now her family member now AUTOMATIC remembered that they have a daughter oo all of a sudden. Her father especially started pumping money into her bussinness and waiting for his profit.. at first I saw nothing wrong but latter I realised that 40 to 50% of gains Is moving to wify family. The remaining one she will use and buy clothes for herself and kids.. Although she do ask me at times what do we need at home like property she will buy.. Now back to the Quarel, we stayed apart since on the 7th of June 2023 but we later settled on Whatsapp and apologised to each other. But still wify and Her father are insisting that I should go to my village and call my uncles, while he call his brothers in form of meeting, in other to settle us. But I told my wife that the bussines of our family is for both of us why do we need other people to settle us. She said she told her father the insult that I insulted them bla bla bla.. But I have made up my mind am not calling any uncle on this matter, But I don't know if this decision is right or wrong. This is why I need advice pls.

How will you give up your money to wify to start a business she will solely manage and own. Hmmm.....

Well, on the present issue, i guess you take some time to analyze the whole matter, putting your interests into perspective!

Another reason could be that the woman is regretting marrying her husband because she now thinks she deserves better, like they mostly say.

zedegit:
Some people marry with the hopes their wives will satisfy their sexual requirements.

Many are disappointed with madam complaining of tiredness and some even drawing timetable for sex. Once or twice weekly.

Was Marriage able to fulfill your sexual needs?

I just want to point out that intimacy can't be the only reason one can get fulfilment in marriage!

Ok, back to the point of your op. It makes no sense having a strict time table for intimacy in marriage but it is also not productive when it is done every other day. So, it is enjoyable and help revitalize the bond between the couple if the need for it is some how allowed to flow nationally.

In so doing, it is the party that feels it first that calls for it and hence eliminating the situation whereby only one of the party always asking for it.

theophorus:
I think you should not give it to the Medic people.

My reasons include;
1. They will be dealing with Blood and all of that has it own smell.

2. They may change some designs to adapt the building for their purpose.

3. They are dealing Life and Spirits.

4. Are you sure they will be efficient in terms of disposal of medic waste etc...

In addition to these, those guys can use the property as a collateral to collect loan as though they own it.

thesicilian:
Is now they want to start asking questions. When Muammar Gaddaffi was taking active steps to correct this anomaly decades ago all African leaders watched in silence (and probably even aided ) as the US toppled and even went as far as assassinating him. It's now they are waking up one by one.

Great to see someone else who understands this fact!

African leaders at the time betrayed Africa, Gadafi and his family.

As for the Libyan traitors and some of the populace who took part in the carnage, they are all getting the dividend of their actions right now! Reason why Libya can't come out of the damage caused by that civil war and can't even be regarded as a country any more.

EcoBrick:
https://tribuneonlineng.com/i-spent-over-n80m-of-my-hard-earned-money-for-my-cookathon-hilda-baci-reveals/

Nigerians and lies Sha!

Sorry sorry ooooo

uzomakanaki:
Fellow nairalanders, please I need advice from matured minds in this group.

I'm in a two year relationship with my woman, we're both working. I'm 34 while she's 27. My montly salary and commision is over 200k with other side hustle i do that bring in funds for me, i also just got a car i want to register with bolt/uber to still bring in funds in my free time.

My fiancee on the other hand is earning 75k monthly. I take good care of her needs and makes sure she doesn't lack anything I can afford.

We both plan to settle down by December.

Sometimes last month she missed her period, after the test we discovered she's 5 weeks pregnant.

I'm against abortion because of the dangers involved in the aftermath, i suggested she keep the baby while I come and see her family and do some necessary things before the main wedding. But she insisted in aborting the baby, reason being that she can't be pregnant and be working. Unless I place her on a monthly salary.

She has aborted the baby and had complications because of the quack nurse that performed the abortion. I spent a lot to make her back on her feet

I'm gradually losing interest in the relationship cos that single act of her. I've kept this to myself.

I just need advice on how to handle this. Cos I'm already fed up with her with her recent disrespect and the way she talks to me anyhow even in public.

You were most likely not responsible reason why she insisted on aborting it.

Also, her plan two of stopping work so that you will place on monthly salary which failed is also part of the reason she is acting up.

The above second point shows that she plans to be a house life when married. So, if you go ahead with the marriage, just know she will most likely stop working to stay at home.

DeeTee2023:
Good day

I’m really bothered about the kind of relationship issues I’m facing. After my first relationship that lasted for 9 years.. every other relationship I enter doesn’t last three months. it’s really painful when I found someone better then later she quit without any reason or complain of something that doesn’t really matters and move on. I’m in my late 20s and have my business. I’m financially ok and take care of them is not the issue. I’m good looking, tall , dark and shine. But dont know why I’m keeping loosing them after putting much effort on it.

Put those efforts on yourself to make you a better person, work on your self esteem, be clear about what you want in a relationship and when you see the ones that fits into your goal, they will also naturally gravitate towards you for good.

And don't be in a hurry to get into a relationship because if you rush in, you or her will also rush out later.

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Have you wondered what actually goes into publishing an audiobook? Go behind the scenes with Audiobook Creation Exchange: ACX.com and Kym Grosso Author as she discusses everything from casting to promoting your audiobook with respect to Amazon.

http://amazonauthorinsights.com/post/170863788047/the-life-of-an-audiobook-publisher-by-acx?ref=aai_tp_publish

brain54:
Lol…

Op try learn a skill, work on your self esteem issues. How can someone be kicking and spitting on you In the name of job? You tolerated your ex boss too long.

But it’s a good thing you moved on!

Imagine!

For a job he will not even be paid his complete salary at the end of the month.

Purpose!


To further expand it, your "Definite Cheif Aim".

To live a fulfilled life, you must discover and write down your Definite Cheif Aim in life (Purpose). Once you do, everything you do daily will always be in line to achieving that aim. This always keep you motivated, innovative and alive. This is the main reason why one of the presidential candidates in the last presidential election was unstoppable despite almost all odds were against him.

EriMma1:
This their case and most of the ones I've seen is not money. The men have clearly lost interest.
You'll see them sitting with other people outside gisting and laughing while their wives will be alone sitting all by herself. So sad.

You don't know their story or history. So, don't judge them by the little observation you have made.

Girlee:
He's a salary earner (a mobile police officer), he doesn't live with us and comes only to visit. Usually,when he comes, he brings already washed clothes he'd wear for the 3-4 days he will be staying.
I've taught in schools, worked as a home lesson teacher, and worked as a waitress just so I can support him. I've been doing these things since I was 16. He never appreciates. Most of these jobs I had to quit because he felt I was earning millions and stop taking responsibility in the house. It got to the point where my mum would ask for feeding money and he'd tell her to ask me for my salary. Salary of how much?
My first teaching salary was 10k, the second, I taught 4 subjects and was paid 12k, as an home lesson teacher, I taught 4 students in my house and was getting 1k every two weeks from each of them. My mum stopped me from being their teacher. She said the children made too much noise and crowded the house; and lastly, when i worked as a waitress, I was paid 20k.
I worked just so I could buy myself sanitries, pay church levy, recharge my phone and buy new clothes.
No one does these things for me.
I got the beating of my life last year. What was my crime? I asked daddy to give my five hundred naira for sanitary pad and what I got was "abeg! I nor get! Ask your mama". I got angry because I was on my period and secondly because he was spending so much money in fencing the house and I only asked for five hundred naira. My mum would give if she has and I know that. She spoils us even if it's just 2k she has. I wish God had blessed her Instead.

He's hard to please.
One day, my mum served him food with one piece of meat, he called it "prisoners food". The next day, she served him with two and his remark was: "Na so una dey waste food for the house". My mum attempted to remove one since he complained but he didn't allow her.

I can see.

The issue here is not you. I want to believe all you have said.

Your dad is not willing to be responsible. You have to accept the realities and stand for yourself.

Guess what! Hardwork doesn't kills it makes you a determined, focused and in the long run a successful person.

Don't get me wrong. You deserve care from him as your dad but now that he is not ready to do it, just assume he doesn't exist and work it out for yourself. In all you do, cooperate with your mum.

Lastly, this might be a difficult one but I believe it is what you need to do. Don't leave the house to go and stay with any man with the fishy promise of caring for you. Rather, forget about school admission for now, get a job to start doing immediately.

Save between now and the next jamb by then you should have saved enough to be able to buy jamb form, write it/PUME. Once admitted, start your 100L.

Also, if possible, in between start learning a good skill that you like (Fashion design, Hair dressing, Makeup) so that while in school you can offer the services to your mates and get paid as a means of income generation while studying.

Cheers!