₦airaland Forum

Girlee:
I'm just not in the mood so I won't be telling much stories...

Last year, depression almost killed me if not for the saving grace of God.
I wrote jamb, scored 225. Took delta state university's post utme form and scored 68. I wasn't admitted.
As I so much didn't want to stay at home for another year, I called my dad and asked him to send me money for a change of institute, he declined.
He was like "abeg! Wait for another year, I nor get shi shi". Yeah, I know he's not a literate but I expected that he knew the value of education but he doesn't.

I cried my eyes out for months and had to take up a job as a waitress so i could afford this year's jamb reg fee.
I took jamb again and scored 212. All glory to God because I never prepared. I worked from 8am till 10pm and sometimes till 11pm. My boss then even turned me to a dish washer.
Salary was 20k. 20k that my dad can pay me monthly but he was okay with that.

Okay...
I'm broke and jobless now because I want to prepare well for my upcoming Uniben's post utme.
I asked him for just 2,500 to buy past question but this was his reply:
"2,500 for wetin? I nor get oo. E be like you go relax and try again next year or just wait make you mature then you marry".

I shouted at him until I lost my voice, I cried and I'm like God why??

There is an aspect I want you to look into that might hold the answer to your quest!

How resourceful are you at home (to your dad)? By this I mean if he is the type that run his business, find a way to be of help to him in the day to day running of the business.

But if he is a salary earner, you need to find a way to be very resourceful in the home keeping aspects: younger kids academic coaching, school home work assistant to them, cooking, washing of his clothes etc.

This can motivate him to be of more help to you in your academic pursuit. I am saying this because of his assertion that shows he is in a hurry for you to get married which implied that he sees you as a burden!

Fanparker:
Hi house I created a thread about my distant brother that beat his girlfriend.. now there are separated.. I and other people advised the girl to flee her life cuz the beating is getting much and becoming a normal thing, truth be told I advise the girl because of her life and also her family won’t take it lightly if they find out plus my distant brother don’t see to put an end to the beating because he knows if he beat her, he’ll apologize and the girl will come back but now the case is different. The girl left finally.. my brother is not accepting reality. He cries everyday, threaten to kill himself if the girl doesn’t come back and the girl to me has moved on. He keeps on calling but the girl doesn’t pick nor return messages anymore.. My distant brother is depressed that people around are asking what’s wrong with him, he no longer associate, he cries, stay to himself and it’s getting worse. The recent event that happened is he tried to call the girl, then she picked and give her phone to a guy and some other girls to mock him that don’t he get tired of the constant begging and wailing, that the girl is not intrested and moved on.. he has since been crying and it’s becoming a worrisome issue to my mother because he stay with us . What do you think I can do as a brother to him and what can my mother do to help the situation?

If he really likes the girl why was he constantly beating her?

Help me ask him the above question!

Tell him to learn his lesson which is that he should learn to treat other people the way he will want to be treated by them.

Also tell him to move on already as the best is one is coming his way but he must learn to treat others right.

yungzed360:
This is my girl. Our problems are she most times receives calls and chats with lots of guys and she lies to me alot, I've told her severally to stop and always tell me as it is, although I get angry very easily bt it would be better to digest the truth than lies cus it's hurt me a lot. So I've broken up with her many times and she sometimes swear never to come back again. But after a few days or weeks. She will come begging, calling and texting again and then I keep forgiven her.

Below is a screenshots of our most recent quarrels when she came back begging and the reason for the quarrel was she was at my house when another guy called again, and she couldnt tell the guy she was at her boyfriend's house even though the guy kept asking where she went, she only said she went out.

What exactly could be the problem?
Is it me? Is it her? I'm I too over protective or feeling insecure? Please guys what should I do?

I can see you can't factor out what the problem is.

Guess what, I am the problem!

anidan:
Wike cannot even button his coat well. Agbaya

Very funny and indicative of.....

pachigo001:
I have been dating this girl for a year now and we planned getting married this year but my problem is her brother always tell her not to marry me because Im not from the same tribe with her.

The thing is really affecting our relationship her brother is trying everything to manipulate her into hating me and the thing is affecting my mental health we love ourselves and she is the woman I need.

just need an advise from you guys if I should go ahead or end the relationship for good

Something is affecting your "mental health" and you still what force yourself into it? Na WA ooo!

See ehn..... What is yours feels Natural, Calm, Clear not Chaotic, Forced, Confused.

Bethuel2022:
Hello nairalanders, I need some advice.
My marriage is barely two years, and within these two years, my husband has been unfaithful, and has hit me sometimes. I always fight back though, so it doesn't get out of hand. I don't want to go into all the details of how I met him and ended up his wife. I sometimes regret that decision.
A while after being married, I got pregnant, but unfortunately my husband couldn't raise the money for the baby stuffs. I struggled so hard to do that myself, this was about the time I caught him cheating, I didn't waste any time to pack my things and go to my parents.
Now my problem is that he is not a provider. He stays months on end without sending anything and I am struggling so hard because I have a child to look after. He has been trying really hard to win me over after everything, and I mean it when I say he is trying hard. I married him because I thought he had purpose, but I don't know about that now because the money struggle is something else. Believe me when I say the struggle is too much for me because I don't work yet and nothing comes from his end, but he keeps apologising, saying things will get better. I want to believe him but is it not his reckless lifestyle that has kept him where he is. I need advice because I don't know if I should take him back and work with him for a better future. He has made all plans to relocate to where I am so we can start afresh, but my fear is, a man who could be cheating with the little resources we have when we had baby things to buy, can he be trusted again. I feel resentment and bitterness because I practically used all my savings for the birth and up until now, every little money I get goes towards my child's upkeep. Isn't he coming back now because he is flat broke. A man who can cheat when we could barely feed, can I really take his word for it? Do you think I should give him a chance. I am not a saint because I can be very stubborn when I know I am right, but I married him a virgin. Take into consideration that he blames me for some of his actions. Doesn't that show lack of accountability. I was very naive when I married him, otherwise I wouldn't have. There is no pleasure whatsoever in a marriage without money, moreso one with the accompanying issues mine has.

Tell him to first work on himself to become a better person.

Tell him you believe him that things will get better but you want to see evidence of that before you can reunite with him.

Tell him you are giving him from now till December of 2023 to show genuine significant improvement in his finances, character/moral Standard, ability to take full responsibility for the care of you and the child to consider his reunion request.

yolada:
Nairalanders please help advice me, this is a matter of life and death I don't want to waste this money
Let me just go straight to the point

So I have exactly 1 million naira in my bank account and I'll be 22 by 27th of this month (this is not a flex on anybody please)
I don't currently have a job, I live in Lagos and with my parents. But a lot of things happening here and I feel like if I don't leave soon, I might just die.

I plan to move to Akwa Ibom state to go and start a new life on my own even though I haven't been there before. I have never smoked a cigarette in my life, I don't smoke. I'm still a virgin, never had sex in my entire life,I don't womanise, I have Zero friends.

So my plan is to move to the state, secure a cheap accommodation like a single room self contain that should not cost anything more than 100-120k a year. After I secure accommodation, I plan on searching for a job that can at least pay the bills. And probably set up a POS business with some of the money that someone else can be running for me. I don't eat too much and I know how to cook.

Now my question is this. Will I be able to survive for some time in the state with that amount of money pending till I get a job?
And how much is the average rent for a single room self contain in akwa Ibom?

nlfpmod Myndd44 farano RoyalRoy
Disguy justwise lalasticlala - Please for the love of God

What your plans, if you apply self discipline and budget spending, it will surely work for you.

The same governor announced long time ago that he increased minimum wage to #40,000. It is not a new thing.

The only new thing is the three working days.

Always make sure your book Cover is genre specific and professional that is it should depict the characterization of its genre.

Also, your book content must be informative if it is a nonfiction book and addictive to read if fiction, properly edited and formatted.

Always make sure your book Cover is genre specific and professional that is it should depict the characterization of its genre.

Also, your book content must be informative if it is a nonfiction book and addictive to read if fiction, properly edited and formatted.

Baliqeez:
Mradjoy
Thank God she's back safely.
Please I would like to know the tracker or the organization.
Please, I also have a case of a missing brother going to 3 weeks now.

Quote him so that he can easily get your request.

News30:
https://dailypost.ng/2023/06/05/people-have-suffered-focus-on-pulling-them-from-poverty-obi-tells-otti/?amp=1

Just like you pulled Anambra people out of poverty!

Fineman2:
Hello, I am a 34year old lady who has been unlucky with love. I finally met the man of my dreams or so I thought last year and we have been talking marriage. So, we decided it was time to meet each other’s family. The day I was taken home by my fiancée to meet his parents, while my fiancée and his mum went upstairs to talk, his father made a pass at me. I waved it off. But I do not know how he got my number and he has since been pestering me for an affair.

Few days later, the mother called me and asked that I leave his son alone as she thinks I am too decent for him. She insists that he has no other plan than to waste my time as he has a wife and child already. I was speechless. Later that day, I confronted my boyfriend and after several threats, he confessed that he had a daughter awhile back but he has never been married and has no relation with the mother of his child other than co-parenting.

I love my man so much but how has he been able to keep this away from me? Why did he? What else could he possibly be keeping from me? Which version do I believe? The mother’s or his? Why would his father be asking me out?
What is the best way to handle this? I do not know what to do. Please advice me.

The father pesting you was a test involving the both parents to know the kind of person you are. That was how his mother got to know that you are too decent for the guy.

Congratulations

Escapist:
I don't agree with your first point. Anybody has the prospect to cheat with whoever.

The responsibility part is true but that still does not make her a red flag. I personally prefer when single parents marry each other as they will both understand how much of a sacrifice parenting is financially, mentally and otherwise. That way, no one will be frustrated when the full weight hits them.

In all, the important thing is to know who you are with and what they are capable of, instead of judging and distrusting them based on stereotypes around single parents.

I agree with the point in your second paragraph.

Successonpoint:
I hope my story will motivate someone to take charge of their life.
I lost my job last year July, and so a friend of mine introduce me to a poultry farm where I am earning 22k per month.

A man with wife and two kids o, my wife was not happy with the job even though she has been supportive in her own little way. And then, she suggested that I should learn handwork, and so I decided to learn welder.

On getting to the man, he told me I will spend 2 years o, I will pay 70k to learn from him. Me way I no get even 20k, I begged him to collect 50k and he agreed.

Then he asked me to make part payment of 30k. I went home and told my wife, and then she gave me 20k to give to the man. I gave the man 20k and he collected it, to my greatest surprise within 2 months I started doing the welding job perfectly.

On my own, I have paid up the remaining 30k with small small repairs job he allowed me to be doing for people. And by God's grace, I have started saving up for my tools.

I really thank my wife for the advice and the welder too. The man has been a tremendous blessing to me in many way. He even told me yesterday that with the look of things I may be free from him in 2 months time except I decided to still remain with him for a while.

Please take charge of your life and stop depending on people for survival.

Please don't be in a rush to be free from him. Stay for at least one year so that you will be well grounded in the skills itself and in the business side of it (Getting jobs from clients, contract negotiations, materials costs, contact of good materials suppliers from him) and being able to comfortably save up for buying your tools and first store rent payment.

Escapist:
The OP himself is the red flag. He has serious trust issues and the lady will be lucky for the relationship to end. Monitoring phone up and down and telling her not to be in touch with her daughter's father is off.

My response to you is on a personal note that is not in respect to this post.

See ehn, getting married to a woman or man who have a child(ren) from her/his previous relationship is a big red flag anytime, any day for the following reasons:

1. There is the prospect of that individual cheating on his or her present partner with the baby daddy or mama.

2. The new partner will have to bear a lot of responsibility of caring for a child(ren) that is not his or her own. And in most cases, the biological parent may still not be satisfied and may complain that his or her present partner is not doing enough for that child(ren).

3. The child(ren) may not even regard or respect such an individual enough despite the sacrifice most especially if the biological (away parent) is in the picture.

In conclusion, it is never a Worthy venture and anyone who values his or her peace of mind should avoid such relationships.

olumided:
I met this woman around 2020 and was interested in her, she is a single mother (a girl around 5yrs old). I approached her and she agreed even her mum rejected the proposal but later they agreed. I went to their house to tell her parent my plan to marry their daughter.

Around, April 2021, she moved in with me and we are still living together with her baby girl. But in December 2021, we had misunderstanding, she is very quiet and calm, though I am older than her with 8yrs gap. She seems not to be taking to correction especially if she is angry and she is not easily provoked, there was a time, her ex called her, the father of that kid and I told her not to call him again and she should limit her conversation with him except if she is willing to go back to him.

Before we even started living together, she told me then that she want the type of husband that she can change her daughter name to his own but I said, it is not a big deal but I can't tolerate that because of the father surfaced later in future, he can sue me and also, she herself can also deny me later in future or even tell the kid that I am not her biological father. Though, she said the father doesn't even know the baby which is a complete lie.

So, December 2021, we had misunderstanding and I told her we can't continue in that journey again, though she apologized but within one week of that misunderstanding she had a thorough conversation with her ex, which I deduced from the talk that she was willing to go back to him because I recorded everything but she was not aware her phone was in recording mode. I told her, within weeks of misunderstanding, she still have the audacity to be negotiating with her ex and she said someone told her to be answering his call so that he can be sending his daughter school fee, I told her so since all this while, he has been the one footing the girl school fee and food right? She apologized later and we moved on. Last week, I told her to unlock her phone that I need to check something because she password her phone and WhatsApp and she refused, she said what is it that I want to check? I told if she fail to unlock that phone that it will be the end of our relationship and it means she end it herself and she is free to do anything she want and I won't send her away but I will move away from her. After some minutes, she now unlocked the phone which I believed she must have deleted some messages and she now said I should collect the phone but I dejected and told her that was gone, that I have made up my choice.

Ever since then, she didn't apologize and she said she will be fine. Though, I trust her that she is not promiscuous but she might want to try it and I only come home once in a while due to the distance of my job. Now, I have planned to send her money for food for next month and after this, I will stop giving her anything again. And nothing join us together yet because she is yet to conceived.

Save yourself from the trouble you are getting into. You have seen the red flags and even stated them in your post.

So, get out of it now!

Essenza01:
I actually got a quote.. the guy said 700k.. 2battries..said i would have to change batteries 1yr and 8mth or max 2years.... its almost same with the current fuel and i get to power my fridge, printers and other appliances .

Get a quote from another installer with focus on the battery issue. That is definitely not true. He would have used poor quality battery and turn you into a perpetual costumer for battery purchase/maintenance

Essenza01:
I really don't know anymore, i just did my budget for the month and i am scared, i have cut from everywhere possible and i fear for my self.. i dont have a GF, Wife, Children.. my salary is N400,000 and i have added side businesses and one or two's to even survive.. but with this fuel increase, what else is left... zero savings..

- Rent - N108,333/mth (1,300,000/12)
- Fuel for car - N180,000 (36k for 5-6days)
- Auto maintenance - N30,000/mth (service/repair)
- Fuel for generator - N50,000/mth (20ltr/wk)
- Feeding - N62,000 - (N2,000/day)
- Health miscellenous - N5,000/mth
- Dstv - N4,500/mth
- Data - N7,000/mth
- Recharge card - N3,000/mth
- Dry cleaner - N4,000/mth (Starch/iron)
- Hygiene maintenance - N10,000 (body spray/perfume, roll on, soap, cream) etc..
-  Gift to people - N10,000/mth
-  Family House contribution - N20,000/mth
- Eko electric - N10,000/mth
- repairs and maintenance - N12,000/mth
- Clothing, footwear etc - N10,000/mth
- Outings, restaurant, sit outs and provisions - N30,000/mth

Total = N556,500...

My rent is average rent for where i stay, its a two bed flat, i use the other room for home office..

Feeding is N2,000/day.. its not anything out of the ordinary.. tried cooking and spent more with time wasting.

Fuel for car is at the new rate of N500/ltr, my car is a 70ltr car tank..

Auto maintenance is basic brake pads, shocks, service 2mths, tire guage, police pr, tire purchase if any, minor touch ups etc... nothing major.

Fuel for generator is 20ltr/day (2hrs or less daily)

I need help.... how are you people doing it, what am i doing wrong? The rat race is killing me..

There are areas you can adjust like Klass99 has pointed out.

But the area I will point out that will save you a lot in the long run is fuel for powering your generator.

50K per month is 600K per year. add 200-400K to that and get Solar installed for you that will power most or all your gadgets and that 50K monthly will be gone for good for some decades at least 15 years.

MetaBroadband:
Good morning mature men and women in the house. Please I need your help on this topic.

My Fiancee told me about how her biological dad abandoned her and her mum after getting her mum pregnant.

Her mum later married another man who adopted her as his child.

Now she's grown and I've proposed to her, I wanted to go for her official introduction and list collection.

Would it not be nice to hear the biological father's opinion? Should I just ignore the fact that the man is still alive and proceed with the marriage arrangement?

Although she said I should not bother about that, but this is Nigeria and as an Akwa Ibomite I don't think it's proper. Although she's against me trying to find out about the man's opinion. Should I care?

What can you say about this?

Note: she only told me that the man abandoned them, but what if it was her mum that actually took her away?

See don't get into what is not your business.

Although, if truly the mum current husband is the one who took care of her and raised her up till this point, then he is the one who you should relate to because of the responsibilities he has undertaking on her.

But again, on the other hand, you need to also find out the real truth just to know it not because you want to accord her biological father the fatherly role but to make sure her mum was not the problem vis-a-viz taking the child from her biological father illegally to another man so that you will not be at the risk of getting married to someone who can do such wicked acts to you too.

Roomateneeded:
I just went through ur trends... Sorry no hard feelings but you will increase my stress level.

A friend has suggested getting his gf's sister to move in with me nd help in the house chores, so I will go with that one.

Is she coming to rent or coming to co- habit? Hmmmm, wonders sha never ends!

quadraheem:
Was Obj or other presidents that left given a similar homely welcome like this?
Just asking

No!

At least not President Jonathan or President OBJ.

YoungLionken:
Just yesterday, an ex of three years ago suddenly came out of the blue and we began chatting. Long story short, she said she's getting married next month. She's even young. I asked her "why do you want to get married now?", till now she has been unable to give a constructive answer to that...

She doesn't owe you the explanation. That she didn't tell you doesn't mean she don't have a reason!

As a Nigerian writer/author who wants to publish books through Amazon Kindle Direct Publishing, you must write books that appeals to global audience and not local or Nigerian audience! This is because the target markets out there on Amazon are predominantly the Americans, Europeans and Asians.

As a Nigerian writer/author who wants to publish books through Amazon Kindle Direct Publishing, you must write books that appeals to global audience and not local or Nigerian audience! This is because the target markets out there on Amazon are predominantly the Americans, Europeans and Asians.

AlKhawarism:
I'm a young man in my mid twenties. I used to be very quiet and spend most of my time alone while growing up because I don't have friends. I was always the one looking for friends and the one always seeking to be accepted but in the end, i get none. People who we left primary school together for the same secondary school would come together to form joint ventures, go out, buy clothes together and all during our last day in secondary school but I was sidelined and never knew about it till the day. I was dying of loneliness everyday but I kept everything to myself.

Fat forward to university days, i vowed to be the best and It was not long before I was among the few first class student in my department and though few people come to me to talk, it never passes the level of academics and once they're able to solve the difficult questions they're dealing with, then it's over until there's another assignment or test or exam question again.

Sometime during my school, i would be angry and really pissed of when I realize the reason someone was talking to me was so i could help them with their academics and immediately that is solved, it's all gone. No sustained relationship, no nothing. But I slowly had to let it go because I was already getting used to being a loner.

I will joke sometime, i will play, and most time, i will be alone and this has followed me out of the university and into my work place.

I decided to not be the loner i used to be by being open, meet people, talk to people outside of my department and all and the results are the same.

Another thing I observed is that people don't take my advice or inputs seriously. They will never do anything if they heard i was the one who suggested it. If i say something, it's always met with either reluctance or nobody accepting it but once someone else says it, then it's the Gold. I once proposed a solution to our supervisor during a meeting and what i was getting were reasons why it won't work and even when I tried explaining why i think it will work, i was getting shut down. And a colleague later said the same thing and the supervisor replied "Fantastic!"


I felt really bad and I don't know what to do. If there's something I'm doing wrong, I'll love to know or if there's an area of improvement, please kindly suggest.

I'm afraid I may not go that far if people do not listen to me and hear me out. Recently, there were case study issues we were resolving in a team and all my suggestions were the same thing I got as answers when I tried using ChatGPT to solve the same case study and still, nobody took my submissions seriously.


What is wrong with me? Where am I getting it wrong?

From my perspective, three things might be involved:

1. They may not be taking you seriously because of the poor presentation of your points. If this is the case, then you need to be more concise and brief (straight to the point) when making your points.

2. They may not be taking you seriously because they know you to be someone who talks too much and without a second thought on issues. If this is the case, you need to discipline yourself to be more mature, thoughtful and wise in your idea presentation.

3. It is possible you are always in a hurry to make your points. So, always listen to other people and even get a cue from them before making any point.

If possible, wait until they ask for your opinion in most cases and they will surely appreciate it if it is apt and on-point.

Jogunomi1:
I met this woman through one of my male friends because she was referred to me for advice on her relationship matters.

Her longtime lover and her parted ways. But she lost a lot to that relationship in term of resources and dedication. What's killing her is that the guy got another woman but won't stop telling others that he left her because she's a bad person. But if you examine the life of this woman, she had never loved another man in her entire life apart from that guy. The guy also sends message to her once in a while to taunt her... messages like "have you been able to get another man? I doubt you can"; "I'm now with my heartthrob, I just tried calling you to see you have moved on but you didn't answer the call suggesting the wickedness in you never dies"... She showed me a lot of these messages while still crying. I have done all I can to help her.

You may think starting a new relationship will help her, but she vows not to get married. Anytime I'm not with her physically, she talks about suicide so much.

Another factor driving her crazy

She works in a company owned by husband and wife. She worked directly under the husband, but the wife is not comfortable because this woman is very beautiful and in her late twenties. The wife looked for excuses to sack her but the husband refused. She was then sent to another department. But the husband got fed up with the new person they sent to work with the husband and requested that this girl be sent back to work under him. This girl is educated beyond first degree. I don't want to mention her profession because someone from her company may be reading this. While she was working with the husband, the wife showed her hell that she was at the verge of committing suicide. Her saving grace was the fact that they sent her to a new unit where she won't be working with the husband directly.

Now she told me she will rather die than go back to work under the husband. I told her to resign. But she said resignation will make the suicide she's thinking of quicker because she's the one taking care of her parents. The company is close to their house in Lagos; should she start looking for another job now and even if she gets another not close to her house, it's another disaster because of a reason I won't like to disclose here.

This girl is Igbo and I'm of a different tribe. I need advice about how to help her because her parents know nothing about all these. Time is running out.

Mynd44, RoyalRoy, please help me push to front-page.

She should save up between now and November. Change environment (work, local government or even state) and her leads: phone number, social media, email etc and start all over again.