₦airaland Forum

All of you yarning rubbisH on this thread saying you can only kneel down to God and not human. So that means when you want to greet an elderly family member(not even an outsider o) which also includes your PARENTS you stand and shakes hands with them right Oh please a humble woman woman should have courtsey and respect. Men do bow thier heads and not prostrate in sign of respect for thier elders(not to thier wives)... I have wittnessed a very rich woman got down from her range rover sports to kneel down and greet a man(even if the man isnt her husband and the range isnt hers)but for the fact that she humbles herself comin down from her car to greet that man is nothing but a sign of respect. Some of you women/married/singles here tokin rubbishH will kneel down and beg for stupid favours either at work or anywere but wont do it for elders and husbands if the need arrises. You are nothing but cowards. Yes my hubby dosnt like it cos each time i do it he rushes to pull me up. I WILL NOT STOP DOING IT CAUSE I RESPECT MY HUSBAND!!! it dosnt make me any less human and i intend to raise my female children to do same as my mother and grandmother.

Johndoe100: Please don't be offended at what I am going to say. You appear to be very young and naive. Do you really think I am doing this for you? I have a house where your sister can stay, I have been thinking of who to put there that will be giving me good servicing. Whatever we do is just for your folks to look the other way. I will not be living in that house, I already have a home, I will drop by when necessary.

Oh and by the way, I am way older than you. Really.

LWKMD

As long as its my hubby,i do it so no big deal. Its a sign of my respect afterall he is my husband although he dosnt like it.

Johndoe100: Not all men are like that. I can't say what he will do but we have to give him the benefit of doubt. He obviously sacrificed for her without thinking " after I train her she will just follow another man" is it not?



If you can help him just give the info and stop the editorial.




Really bro , I don't know how much control you have over your wife. If you have not been the soft type of husband, you should be able to make her see reason. Most importantly, you would have make her see that this is for the future of your children, don't talk about you, talk about her and he kids. Sit her down and talk, like you did at the beginning.

can you actually to such a thing to your wife

GreyMoon: All of you are castigating me, without appreciating the severity of my situation. I did not come to this solution lightly or without thought.



You are wrong, I love my wife and I have loved her for almost 20 years or more and no I am not "out of my mind".



I have tried every way I know how. You seem to mature any thoughts on what to do about the wife?




This is serious, your attitude is not helpful.

i might be wrong in my judgements but i tell you this,you aint the first and will never be the last to face this kind of challenges in this life. There are thosands of people both men and women who has face worse more than you are facing now and they never resovled to this... Man up man and face this chalenges,its part of what makes LIFE. You dont have to start big to need such large amount of money that would warrant you askin your WIFE the MOTHER OF YOUR KIDS,your SOULMATE to sacrifise her dignity and pride. Do you think your wife spirit will ever forgive you if eventualy you pressurise her into doing it What kind of a father do you want your kids to think of you knowing what you did to their mother You will forever live to regret your actions if you do this. What if the business fails later on after your wife must have acted the prey . Why not be patient,run to God,pray and seek his face and guidiance,tell God to lead you thru and teach you the right part... Goodluck.

Johndoe100: I think all of you are being unfair to the man. He is really only thinking of the family. After all you women know that a sacrifice here or their doesn't matter. Yes, we all pray not to be in that position, but when you find yourself between a rock and a hard place what do you do?

@OP
I feel you cus I understand the pressures you must be under. However are you sure that you have explored ALL other ways to get that money? Considered a change of business line to one with a lower entry cost?

are you realy being serious Its this same man that will send her out when the money comes forgetting her sacrifise.

I realy wana believe you are joking sir...

Op if am getting you right,you want your wife to open her legs and be intimate with them You are most definately out of your mind,its the likes of you that do money rituals with their wives or kids. May God have mercy on you ooo. Its so obvious you dont love this woman you call your wife. Were some men will fight blood and sand just seeing another man HUG thier wives,you are willing to let another man have your wife just to loan you money. I hope you dont end up being a SLAVE to a man like you.......

for what now Why would my mum wash my hubby's cloths? She asnt even washed mine not to now talk of my hubby, even if i was on a sick bed,my siblings would rather do d laundry for me instead of my mum or better still get someone paid to do the washing if my siblings aint around.....


On a second tought,life is unpredictable. Alot of circumstances can lead to such... When life trows challenges, alot are bound to happen. But in my right senses i would never allow such,its totally unacceptable....

So far,the only reason the man has given to his wifey for wantin to have only one child is to be able to raise the child properly and as i heard the couple has been on this issue of having another child sin their son was 2years and some months,so you all can imagine how much the wife as pleaded with her hubby and pressure on her before she now decides she will stop her pills so she can have anoda child. As for me i dont think she is asking for too much oo...

Ujujoan: STFU!

Who are you to talk about weakness in child-bearing

Men should really start having kids just so they know what it feels like!

THANK YOU

You all are very right with your point, the only reason the man dosnt want another child is having not to worry over many kids.... He says having only ONE child is enough inother to raise him in the best possible way. But the wife is despirate and wants another child and hubby as bluntly refused,she feels so sad and thinks her hubby is selfish....

jennykadrry: This reminds me of my numerous mistakes children (don't let the mugu hear, he thinks I kept having miscarriages. They were not his sha). We all make mistakes. I mean if the customer wants to do without rubber and offers plenty cash what can a slut do?

now you are killing me with laff jenny. This so funny......

I know of a couple who as only one child,a boy who is 5 years old. The husband as said no more kids,just one is ok. Wife wants more,at least 1 more kid,either a boy or girl considering the fact that there is so much pressure on the wife from both families to have more kids. Now she as decided to go ahead and stop her pills inother to have another baby WHITHOUT her hubby approval.

This couple are VERY okay medically and are VERY VERY confortable financially so mony to raise another kid isnt the issue...
Now my question is should the wife go ahead Between the husband and wife who determines whether to have another baby Bearing in mind that the woman can decide to stop her pills and get pregnant at her will (which wouldnt be fair on the husband)...

Ujujoan: Abiii

I thought I read wrong earlier!

no dearie you dint read wrong. Think the original version i read in 2005 or 2006 thereabout and i read it from sunday punch. Funny enough i even tore out the page and kept it in my achive but lost it to flood....

Acidosis: Yes training a male child is easier and better. I'm male and I didn't give my parents much headache. .
ma'am, an average girl/lady will always feel this silly emptiness, like I'm not complete without a boy/man in my life..no matter how much her father spend on her (pocket money, jewelry, clothings etc), it doesn't stop her from following a play boy who is only interested in something best known to him.
I know its uncivilised and rude for one to prefer a gender over another, but the truth is "even the females here know what I'm talking about, they want the male child."

Nevertheless, I'll like to have a female child, a princess in the making. . but trust me I wont hesitate to kill any emotional or physical molester

are you a parent already Why not wait untill you start having your own kids, you are so sure you dint give your parents headaches.....

free2ryhme: You are a fool for saying such.. is your mother not a female, the babes you chase on NL(Idowuogbo etc) are they not female, the worwor you hope to marry is she not female... Anuofia...

u don vex seriously oo..... Lol

Tenderly1: i am soo tired of this story.NEEXXT

yea you right, read the original version of this story years ago,and the woman never died in it,the couple actualy lived happily again. I dont know y Nigerians like to ad jara to stories,, na dem sabi anyway.

If your friend spends another night in that man house then she is a big fool. She has made a big mistake and the earlier she realises it,the better for her and her child.is it until that man kills her and flushes the baby down the toilet befor she leaves Change my foot, the only change she will get is yet another beating and abandon her for another wife just as she abandoned his previous wife for her. Ordained pastor my foot.......

Richvkunt: What rickety ride?
I have not said good bye yet.Learn to read and understand. When I am ready to leave,you and your fellow underlings will be informed in my last thread which is coming up soon.

mr richy,were are u going Are u leaving nl

bukatyne: @OP: if u understand the mystery of the married union as established by God, u'll know that there's nothing like inequality even in marriage

realy

ifyalways: When do you have time to hug, kiss and grab "your" husband when you are obviously in your friends house observing them style

Hope you won't go kiss, hug or grab your friends hubby as you "think" she aint doing it right ?

Could it be your "constant" presence that is stopping this couple from getting their groove on? Maybe you should just spend more time at your "own" home.

Goodmorning ! Nigeria.

you brought the words out of my mouth.

@rokiatu,as far as i can tell,your marriage is still very young so why are you always in your friends house If i were to be your friend,i would have stoped you from coming over to my house abi both of you dont have things to do ni I wonder what you both gist/gossip about each time you meet
You going there all the time could be a reason why your hubby gets home before you.... I can begin to imagine how your hubby feels those times he get home before you and realises you actualy coming from your friends place and not from work. My dear,be wise and dont waith till your husband complains abt your frequent visit to your friends place so you dont come back here opening a thread that your hubby wants to separate you from your friend..... Goodluck

jennykadry: I bought a phone with my own hard earned money and one silly insecure nonentity called a husband decides to break it. His death will be as a result of that phone he broke after they have conducted autopsy on him

kai..... Jenny jenny, i hail thee o

I realy hope this thread makes front page cos am realy looking foward to learning from it....

maclatunji: I understand what you're saying perfectly but the husband also went wrong by smashing the phone. A wise man should know how to get his wife to do what he wants even when she's being irrational without violence. A little give and take and understanding is required. In such situations, he should treat her like his favourite daughter and she will come back apologising if she's sensible.

i can only imagine the anger that men felt when he noticed the chat was with her ex.... Am sure he wasnt also happy when the woman went ahead to buy the bb after tellin her not to,then later realises she is using the same bb to chat with her ex. He already said no disturbance, if the chat was with a friend would have been a diffrent case but with her ex....... Naaa thats way out of it..... Remember not all men will take such insult. For me i term that as *cheating* on her husband. Why did she marry the man if she knew she would still comunicate with her ex

authentic black: Married for some months now,wife said she wants a blackberry,Husband said you are connected at work why need one,he further said he don't want any disturbance at home after work.Wife went on getting a blackberry.Husband found out that his wife chats with her ex,and went mad and broke the phone.

please house has he done anything wrong?

as far as i am concerned,what the husband did wasnt wrong.. Good for the woman,next time she will obey her husband. Whats she trying to prove by buying the bb without her husband aproval That she has enuf money to buy wotever she wants even if her hubby isnt in support

Some women sef,jejely trouble sleep,she go wake am. She even had the guts to be chatting with her ex Thats crazy.....

[quote author=segun-2011]@ Inik read n comprehend before responding... i said i thought he'll change. Meanwhile i believe he'll change with my assistance. One of the assistance i thought i cud get comes frm dis forum. So if u av sometin tangible kindly say.... Thanks[/quote]y are u gettin urself so worked up,wen u prepare ur own bed shabily then u av got to lie on it.... U thought he was goin to change How old is he now dat u thought he would change Did he show any signs of remose or give u clues of changing his habbit If he dint give u any signs before marriage and u went ahead to tie the knots then lady you are in for wot you are getting cause it would be very very difficult,except he accept christ into his life,that is the only way out. GOD IS THE ONLY WAY!!!

che che: Let me put it clearer. i called him that i will like to see him for important issue and he said he is already on his way to my house. their house is just like 10 minutes drive from my place. so its not as if i asked him to come.

now i understand you clearer, hmmm,he was already on his way to your house Sound like you have already been reported to him by your wife and mil and was coming to tackle that..... Seem like things has turned sideways for a long while,maybe when you dint allow his son who is also wife brother to stay in your bq, how did you tell him then that you dint want him to stay (its a normal thing they feel bad about it,cause they will feel its your house and the bq is empty) and they calling you a culttist, now thats a big one there man. What have they seen in YOU that makes them think you a cultist or WHAT HAVE YOU DONE THATS OUT OF THIS WORLD that makes them think you a cultist and say you might wanna use your wife for sacrifice

@che che

Reading your post all over again,am like 'did you actualy send for your father inlaw'
cause you typed *''i sent for her husband this morning''*

if you actualy did that then thats just too rude and pure arrogance (sorry if its an insult but that what i feel).

che che: Dear NL, no be small thing o. i called my wife by 2 am to have a heart 2 heart talk with her. as we were talking her mother just came out from the room and ask her to come inside that she needs rest. so i sent for the husband this morning and told him that i want the wife to go back home that i want to put my house in order. that was after i thanked them for all their supports. the father told me that i insulted them for asking his wife to leave my house, the house he advised me to build.

woooow and your wife had the guts to leave u while the conversation was on to obey her mum
Well i think the way you called your father inlaw if it was on phone wasnt proper at all. You should have actualy gone to see him and discuss this issue with him one on one.

This one sef don pass me small,i know know wetin to talk.... Brb.

TV01: Evening all,

@OP before I say anything, may I please ask a few questions?

1. This is your third child - congratulations by the way - so presumably your MIL has been to stay before?
2. And you still haven't outright dealt with her or devised a strategy with your wife to manage her behaviour?
3. Or are you saying she has suddenly turned ogre and was all sweetness and light prior to this?
4. Plus, she seems to have manouvered your wife into throwing in her lot with her against you?

Altogether sounds one kind sha? Any way sir, apologies upfront, I will be cruel to be kind . You need flogging! Truth be told, sounds like you are taking a bit of a beating already .

Listen carefully - Be a man! (said on my best faux chinese market stall owner voice!)

You command your household sir; and that includes wives, children, in-laws, out-laws, friends, whatever. Particularly so in the Naija context as some of them are just mickey takers

First, don't listen to any of the "womanly" advice on this thread. If they have their way, they'll have you baking "I Love MIL cupcakes". If I could swear eh!

For me opportunity came to spell it out before we were actually married. Omo, I grabbed it with both hands. We went for a "gathering" of my WTB' family. I'd already said "no wedding talk" as this was regards something and someone else. As it happened - and it was always going to with a dozen or so females in attendance - the girls stated discussing the wedding. At one point one of my wife's sisters - the dominant one - questioned my family input.

Ah!!!! With all my WTB' siblings, their spouses/partners and my future MIL present, I turned on her like a harbour shark. When I finished there was stunned silence. Meanwhie, I was preparing for strike 2. Needless to say, it was not necessary. From that time on all her family approach me with caution. We've are all lovey dovey now - and I'm great pals with my SIL - but I've still got my finger on the trigger.

We left shortly after. When we got back to mine, I strictly warned my WTB, that if she ever sides with anyone against me - even if I'm wrong - there would be trouble. In fact, If she didn't go to war on my behalf if anyone spoke ill of me or even doubted me...'nuff said.

Men, be men! Better to let your in-laws fear you 100% than disrespect/despise you 1%. Set your stall out on this point as early as possible and don't give an inch. Many will test you to see how much they can get away with. I'm not saying be confrontational or aggressive. Just firm and assertive. Abeg, don't scare your sweetheart away 0!

When we had our first born, both mothers turned up. I said "one can stay at a time". They said how do we arrange it?. I said what's my own?? just make sure that my wife is supported and my son well cared for. I'm off to the gym . There has been no problem whatsoever, or if there has been, they are sure to ensure it does not come to my notice. Yes 0! I deal with my own mother too if required.

Any problems and they would have both been out. And I would have personally given them their marching orders. Forget all this go and call "senior aunty or send for big mummy" wussy/girly-man counsel. It's your home. Command it. And be seen to command it. Skirt is slapping you and you want to call blouse to save you? Nansense.

OP' own is far gone, but I'll say this;

1. Your wife is off-message. Start your remedial action here. Remind her of what you are both committed to, your achievements thus far, your future plans and your joint priorities. That should be the prosperity of your union without fear or favour. Remind her of the effort and sacrifice you've both made and the danger of letting your MIL' behaviour going unchecked. Agree a plan with her (communication with your wife has been impaired, restore that. And note it may not be a conversations job. It may take time. Be patient).

2. The plan is for MIL' departure - preferably on the next coach outta town. You should be the one to tell her. Best with your wife present, but mute or possibly chipping in to support you 100%. Choose your words wisely, "you appreciate the time she spent and the support she's given....yada, yada...but you'd like some time alone as a family...don't explain 0! Command dammit!

3. If you can't successfully accomplish 1. above you have a bigger problem than you think.

4. Presumably you are not beholden to MIL or any IL in any way?

5. All the best. Please update us.

Regards
T - commanding like a Field Marshal - V

you have said it all......