₦airaland Forum

I think "Alali" is really pretty. It means festival.
There's Dabota or Data which means like "Father's wife" as in "daddy's girl."

Always and Forever by Luther Vandross is my absolute favourite. It's so pretty and it always makes me think of happy times.

Sample:

Always and Forever
Each morning with you
Is just like a dream to me
That somehow came true.

And I know tomorrow
Will still be the same
C o s we've got a life of love
That won't ever change

I also actually really like Shakira's Underneath Your Clothes. I think the 1st line of that song is my favourite line in any song ever: "You're a song written by the hands of God." I think that's so beautiful. Cheesy but beautiful!

Ebony-Silk:
Lol! cool Thanks B.T.W

Ok, I won't lie, I thought the ID was another "I am hot" shinanagan

No worries. A lot of people think that too. Which is so the opposite of anything I'd say or put in my ID. I don't trust all the "hot-this" and "sexy-that" IDs. They tend not to fit well with the reality. If you're really hot its not like you need to re-affirm it in your NL ID, you know what I mean?

ok first of all, i can kind of understand why she's denying u. In that kind of youth forum you're discussing, there's always a lot of talk (i.e. gossip) and I personally hate to be the subject of talk and idle tongues. However, she is wrong to deny you just because of that.

If i were you, I'd back off a little and just tell her what you want from her and ask her what she wants from you. If the 2 of you are not on the same page then it might be time to move on.

This is just by the way sha since you guys have already ended things.

KarmaMod:
Tatase, did you go to ISI?

No. I went to a really small school in Lagos.

It's kind of stupid. Everyone seems to think I mean it as a synonym for "hot" as in "I'm hot" and it's not the case at all. It's kind of a joke.

Ok so this is off topic and I'll try to end with something about emotional men to make it on-topic:

When I was like in early secondary school like JS1 or 2, my best friend at the time and I thought we were so cool and original and we would be like oh we're the nigerian spice girls: Atarodo & Tatase (and she was atarodo and i was tatase) and we would waste time making posters and designing costumes (for our "Top of the Pops appearances" and then my brother had a video camera and we would make him film our "music videos" (and yes we had songs and choreographed dances although i don't really remember any of them. ok i'm lying i do) and "interviews." Anyway we were just really jobless in that way that 10-11 year old girls can be. I've stolen/destroyed all the tapes to prevent blackmail from my brother. And now it's one of those "remember whens" like an inside joke thing as you can see although it's not really an inside joke now anymore.

Ok to make this on point:
It's not bad for a man to be emotional if he's with the right person. i.e. someone who isn't irritated or made uncomfortable by the emotions he's showing.

this IS in the wrong section.

But why wouldn't he fart? Does he not eat? Everyone poops and farts. And it stinks. Next time u're in awe of someone, just think they poop, probably on a black and white toilet like yours.

Ebony-Silk:
Lol, I knew that. Was being sarcastic

I see that now. Was a little slow on the uptake

Ebony-Silk:
no, she's atarodo

ata-rodo (my partner in crime- it's a childhood joke, think little girls feeling like naija spice girls: atarodo & tatase, long story+ it's really silly) actually exists on NL but under another identity.

busybein:
are u Top-up?

no i'm not. She's the one who writes in really light pink, no? I think I just talk a lot. I'm trying to cut back though.

This thread is too funny! I've been ROTFLMAO!!!

I hadn't really noticed that Naij men abroad go for BBW more than the slimmer girls. I think everyone has a right to their preference and one isn't necessarily better than the other. It's all about what one likes, no?

I do however think that Vanweed got some crack-laced weed because i think his diatribes have been a bit abnormal and I think he needs some Dr. Drew-style counseling. (@Vanweed, dude put down the baggie, it's not worth it).

chamotex:
Well I'm not, so whats the dealy?

are u sure? because i didn't at all mean you but that seems to be the one thing u noticed. You know it's ok if you're a big crier. I can recommend the Kleenex with aloe and lotion, really gentle on the eyes.

Lord_Reed:
Oh sure there's a difference but women's understanding of 'emotional' is different from men's. Don't expect us to become like yall just so we can show we gat soul ok?

I think that's fair.

I don't think anyone can be 100% sure of anything. (ok one can be 100% sure that God exists). Even if you're 100% sure today, people change and things happen, no one knows tomorrow. If you feel led by God and by your heart that it's the right thing to do then you go with it, and pray everyday and work at it everyday so that what you have at the beginning lasts.

@ topic

I agree with Moonstone and stillwater, internet/phone relationships are cheating once feelings become involved even if both parties never meet and nothing physical ever happens.

Moonstone:
I like emotional but strong men. Emotional in that he can tell me his feelings not emotional as in tears during Notebook o!

I agree.

As far as the crying:

I feel bad saying someone shouldn't be able to show their emotions (or cry) just because of their gender. I think there are times when it's ok to cry but the other day I saw some men crying on Moments with Mo because of their obviously unhealthy relationships had ended and I won't lie, it made me very uncomfortable (to me it was like take it home to your mom).

But at the same time, no one wants a man that is emotionally dead and cold. I think it's nice when a guy keeps the emotions between the two of you and when its not so all the time with the grand displays of emotion that it becomes Tatase and her crying boyf. Please o guys don't take this as excuses to be shites to girls. I think a guy can be sweet without being over-emotional.

between, I don't think its sissy-ish for men to cry, i just think maybe it's not really my taste. I know girls who like boys that are emotional in this way though, so if you're a big crier take heart, there are ladies out there for you.

@ Poster,

Ok so we suck and we have failed and can't seem to get it together. But why do you think colonization is the answer. Because it worked so well the 1st time and because it's not what got us here to begin with. When you for your own convenience pack different ethnic group with historic differences between them together and call it one country how do you ever think it will work?

Europe has its own autonomous countries where each one has a common culture and heritage and they can't even get along: the French hate the English, the Italians and Poles can't stand the Germans, why don't we mash them all together for convenience sake with their different languages and cultural heritages and call them one country. Then let's bring in say a Chinese man to rule them and select his favorites and divide and rule and pitt them even further against each other. Then when things get too expensive and "the natives" have gotten restless, let's leave them to sort it out. Oh and then we can lend them money what seems to be aid money at usurious rates and then tell them that they owe in interest more than the capital they borrowed, and then when they can't pay, we can tell them how to ruin their economies through devaluation of their commodities. Meanwhile, centuries of differences will be reconciled in only a few decades. Please don't be a simpleton.

I'm Nigerian and of course it's frustrating to me that we can't get it together, but if we want to make suggestions about what is needed and have sensible debates about it, let's be sensitive and try to have some wisdom in the things we say. I can't see what colonialism would bring back except maybe war. It's not a useful suggestion to Africa's problems because it's not plausible. No one thinks it was a good idea the first time round (well except u of course) and besides even if I didn't think what you were saying was completely reprehensible, I can't imagine any country in this current global climate looking for a colony to take on. The billions you're griping about is only a drop in the bucket of what is owed to Africa for the pillage of imperial Europe. It's of course sad that the grant money we get is wasted, but I think it might be better to think of how to change this and reconcile as opposed to how to move us backwards. I don't think people are willing to go back to being the underclass in their own home towns for white people. People are a bit more exposed and i don't see us being willing to go back to kow-tow-ing to white folks and living as 2nd class citizens while the colonizers live it up at our expense.

@ original article post:

While i think there's a lot of truth to what the NY Times guy wrote about Lagos, I'm tired of these foreigners coming and being surprised that people can have bentleys in nigeria, or that people can drink Henessey or go to nightclubs.

It's like when they think Africa they think people are so busy being poor and hungry that they don't do anything else but manage on their $2 a day or what? I'm not saying that there isn't a lot of poverty or anything because there is, but if for example you go to the village, lots of people are living on $2 a day but they also own their family house, and have a farm and some goats and chickens etc, so while they are not raking it in, they have capital and are not necessarily starving.

And by the way did Kelloggs tell him that they have a factory in Lagos? If he wants to eat (illegal) Kelloggs cornflakes as opposed to Tropical (naija made) brand cornflakes then he should be ready to pay the import costs. And if he wants to drink Henessey and drive Bentleys, why would he think those things would be cheaper in Nigeria, do they make it here? Is it not imported? Is it not already expensive in the country they're importing it from? Or is he saying that Nigeria is a poor country so how dare we have the kind of people that can afford such?

Many people have said that there are levels and it's true. I know people of all classes that enjoy weekend nightlife and it doesn't necessarily cost the amounts Mr. man is quoting. I've lived in Lagos all my life and I for a fact know that at least as at August o, you can go out to lunch for way way under $200. He goes around to exclusive places and wants them to be cheap. So so very cheeky. If I go to an exclusive restaurant in another country is it every likely to be cheap?

It's not that I don't think the contrasts he brought forward are true, its just that for some reason in the article he appeared to be shocked that in a poor country such as Nigeria, there are super wealthy people. Well me too very soon I'll write my own article. I go to uni in New Orleans and I'm surprised that in a rich country like the US, they have so many people sleeping under the bridge while there are rich people in the town driving around in limos and having tea at the Ritz before going to their multi-million dollar homes. As though poverty is a new thing.

If he wants to talk about traffic fine, even that Lagos is expensive, ok, if he wants to talk about corruption,whatever (although wiith US politics he has things to write about too) but I can do without the amazement that there are rich people in Lagos. There are rich people everywhere even in countries that are in war and whatnot, there are rich people.

I think you should just tell them straight up that they deserve someone better and that it's not fair to them to continue in the relationship and that you wish them every happiness. I think be self-depreciating when you do it, that way they don't feel to bad because they know it's a problem with you not with them. Don't lie, it's usually kind of obvious and then they start to think there's hope when there isn't.

@ fayahsoul
I just looked at all your past NL posts o. You are a very scary person. I'm quite scared of you militant types. Like so much anger and hate and condescension to people who are not like you and who don't think exactly you. At least that's how it comes across. It's not something I can identify with because in general I love people and try not to judge based on the outside. I see now that we probably won't ever agree on this issue or probably on any others having to do with African identity. Ok I get it now. <moment of clarity> Alright. I'll beg to differ on this subject and I'll wish you a pleasant week.

@ fayahsoul

Um excuse me, I don't know where you're getting your info but not all africans are Nubians. Nubians are the oldest recognized african civilization but we're not all Nubians. That's a specific ethnic group that actually still exists today. It's very African-American-ish to be saying something like that as though no real identity exists. I don't need to search for an identity, I know where I'm from and thank God I know where my ancestors are from. I don't know what your upbringing was or where it was to have resulted in such racial identity-consciousness. I grew up in Nigeria and none of the Nigerians I know feel the need to constantly reassure themselves about their race or to do things to make them black enough or whatever. I think more about my nationality and my ethnic groups than I do about my race because it's not really an issue for me.

You're entitled to your opinion about my subconscious but since it is MY subconscious, and since I know best about who I am and what I feel, I think I'll take your opinion with a pinch of salt. Maybe for you, permed hair or whatever affects your sense of self, but for me it doesn't. For me it's easy and my hair grows and is quite thick and healthy and so I'm happy.

I think your concern for your "sisters" is good and very honourable, however, I think you're a little too liberal in your generalizations. I could judge you for not using deodorant or for your other personal habits, but that's your choice, and it's not my place to make a generalized judgement call about you, I don't know you.

I think my definition of being African (a term I can agree with) is different from yours. I'm African because I am and because that's where my soul feels at home. I don't think being African is about having to look a certain way or be a certain way or do certain things or like certain foods or anything. It's not anyone's place to define for another something that is so personal. It's not at all like gay marriage like you said. Gay marriage is something you can see, what my sentiments and my ideas and my view myself are, these things are not something that it is your place to try to define because you don't know me and it's a personal thing.

You don't know enough about each individual person to just judge them by their hair. It's like judging someone by their skin or nationality. Are all black people the same? Are all Nigerians the same? Even if you get to my ethnic group, are we all the same? Do we all like the same things? Have the same thoughts and ideas? Are your feelings the exact same as that of even your siblings? There may be those who feel the things that you have described, but it's certainly not everyone. Next thing you'll say Africans should only wear African fabric, that Western clothes are a sign of oppression of our colonial masters or something, and that our traditional fabrics should only be sewn in traditional styles none of this new-fangled ankara outfits. I mean, y'know? It's a bit much.

tpia:
first of all, Nubians are native to Egypt and Sudan, not the whole of Africa. Get your geography straight, and don't feed me some fairytales about black women being from Nubia. This is the 21st century. Google Nubia.


I've seen dreadlocks on white males, and as far as I'm concerned, thats their hair and their life, not mine.  In other words, none of my business. I've also seen white males with "afro" hair, which happens to be their natural hair. I didnt bust a vein over it and in any case, when a white woman has similar hair, she'd normally fix the problem by getting a perm. Maybe you werent aware white women also perm _{and dye}   their hair.

As to Asians and whites laughing behind people's backs:  there's plenty for anyone to laugh at in any race if someone wants to go there. A person laughing at fake hair will also laugh at natural hair if they're so inclined. There's a reason why "nappy headed" was considered an insult when the old white guy said it on national tv.

As per your problem with interracial mixing- thats your headache, not mine. Not that I know what goes on in your bedroom. Or in your mind. Too much protesting is always very suspicious, especially in cases like this. Forbidden fruit tastes sweetest, not so?

_{and where's the pidgin coming from? You're a Nigerian and you're yarning all these tales from the Arabian Nights all over Nairaland?}

Abeg jare you get sense. I was about to come and tell Afrocentrico that most of us were naij and not nubian and so it didn't really apply.

@topic
I think there's nothing wrong with having natural hair. There are lots of people who know how to keep it and handle it and style it really nicely. My mom has had natural hair all her life and she keeps it short and it suits her. But what I hate is when people with natural hair make it their duty to be nazis to those who don't want natural hair. It's like people who go vegeterian and then start on people who eat meat. It's like make your decisions but don't assume you know the rest of us who don't make the same decision as you.

I relax my hair and get extensions sometimes because it's easier to handle for me. I don't have the talent with hair that some other people have and I think it's the best decision for me and its what I know i can cope with. It doesn't  have anything to do with wanting to be white or with race or self-hate. I don't resent my hair or my people. I certainly do not wake up everyday thinking about my race or thinking about other people's races. I don't think my weave makes me feel whiter, as long as it looks nice I'm happy. People are people. Black and white and whatever are not different species like you said to tpia. We're humans and we're made by God and we're all the same and go through life the same and die the same and love and hate the same. People are people.  

My hair is not my identity. it's just hair. You cut it and grows back or you grow it out till you get tired of it. Or you dye it different colors. People from every race do that. When white people get curly perms, are they trying to look black? And even if they were, what's anyone's business? People have been relaxing their hair from time for different reasons. Don't presume to know anyone's reasons for doing so or to judge them. Maybe for some people with unconfirmed identites, their hair has to do with wanting to be another race, but for most people, it just has to do with what makes them feel confident and what suits them and what looks nice, natural, synthetic, permed or otherwise.

I'm always scared of your kind of people whose main goal is to make other people feel insecure about their race like they're not black enough or whatever or that they hate themselves. I feel like there's always some projection of feelings going on when that is done. For some people, what's on the inside is more important and not everyone sees just black and white or even wants to see like that. I'm Nigerian and proud of it. I don't need kinky natural hair to prove anything to anyone.

Ok I'm not a guy but from my point of view, I would say:

Save yourself! Thank God your eyes are open! Leave while you can or else you'll eventually resent her and then you'll be on NL saying "girls are only after money." Just save yourself the heartache and disappointment. I don't really think it can last and I don't think it can end well either. But you know you need to make the best decision for yourself, only don't make it only based on your heart, be wise also.

<sigh> Anyway sha, back to the original topic:

My opinion is that women should be submissive to their husbands. But husband's should love and respect their wives. I have to say I agree with sistawoman and ilurveit. Submission is tempered by love and respect and vice-versa. Feminism has nothing to do with love, but respect has everything to do with it.

I also don't think women are single because of lack of submission. I think it's a priority shift because so many are focused on education and career that they don't realize till later that they've not put any effort into love. I'm an idealist sha and I think there's someone for everyone and that somehow, if one has faith they'll find their someone.

~Sauron~:
Drop it and start flirting?? Hehehehehehe
This is hilarious.
Tatase means pepper, right??

I think I've been respectful this whole time. You have made insulting stereotypic generalizations about me and I don't think you'd say I've been rude back or taken it down to the level you've chosen to take it to. Like WTF! I'm sure I'm misunderstanding. I'm sure you're not under the misapprehension that I have the vaguest interest in flirting with you. I wouldn't say I was a feminist but I'm a human being and I respect myself and I expect a certain amount of respect back from the people I would choose to engage with in a social way. So no, I don't want to flirt with you. I think you've insulted me enough for one night. I think it's enough, eh?

~Sauron~:
I don't like that kind of pepper. . . . .abeg.

Tatase started the flirting. She said we should "drop it"
I don't make the rules, i abide by em.

You want to take it to that level. I'll take it to that level with you. You appear to be delusional. I quoted the post I was referring to. And I was flirting? I promise you if I was flirting it would be obvious. Primary school was a while ago. I don't need to engage in juvenile tactics to get a boy's attention. I commented on something I thought was unfair. I don't know what kinds of girls you're flirting with, and I'm not really interested in knowing, but I assure you, I wasn't flirting. In the English language, drop it, means we stop talking about it and stop referring to it, ok? I'm absolutely done. I'll admit I'm pissed. I'm insulted and pissed. Like AS IF!!!! There comes a point in life where you have to realize that not everyone likes you like that. I realize you've flirted till you've become "common" on NL but I haven't and I don't want to, thank you. Like I hope you're joking and I'm blowing it out of proportion because I'd rather that I look like an idiot than believe that you actually think I want to flirt w/you or that flirting with you has been remotely linked to any intention I've ever conceived of. I always like to believe that when pple on NL are being shites, that that's not how they really are in life, and I hope that's true for you. I really do. I'm so done talking to you and talking about this. I'm over it!

~Sauron~:
@ Tatase,

It's just funny how some people choose to take Tylenol for other people's menstrual pains.
I am so exhausted to type so i would just   to disappoint pop corn fans.

You know what, you're right! Let's just do the mature thing and drop it. It was never that serious, it's just NL.

~Sauron~:
U are not in any position to call me out. . . . .Do i know you??
The statement i made was a general statement. . . .I did not mention names but your owl-eyes went scanning and pulled out ma post.
What business of yours is it if i flirt?? Did i flirt with ur sibling? Cousin? Friend or Foe??
U need to get an ice-pack and lie down. . . .It must be your time of the month.

I don't care what u do on romance section. . . . .
Like i have said, i made a general statement. . . . .If it hurts u, call your doctor.

Look I said what I said and it's done. Do you know what hurt is? You just throw these words around: "hurt," "bitterness." All I said was that you do the same thing you accused other girls of doing. I don't know you. I have no reason to attack you. It wasn't an insult. I just said that what you said was hypocritical based on the frequency of your own (inescapable) flirtations on NL. Which if you are honest with yourself and ask anyone, they're everywhere. It's not my business if anyone want's to flirt on NL, it's fine. But you were really condescending in the way you were like "girls come here to find boys," and I'm a girl and I don't come here to find boys, and so it became my business. If you're going to call people out, call yourself out for the same thing. I would.

I expect better from Nigeria's younger male generation than when a female confronts you with something, it's bitterness or that time of the month. In 2008, for goodness' sake. I mean like what a pity y'know. I wouldn't linked that something was off with your statement about girls on the Romance section if like 2 posts later you hadn't started flirting.

I didn't mean anything as an insult. It's not a personal attack. I don't know you. Tell the truth and shame the devil, what have I said that is untrue. This isn't about you flirting on NL, it's about how derogatory you were about others doing so. Like what you said didn't line up with what you do.

~Sauron~:
I just hope u and her don't burn in eternal fire.

One more heap of twaddle from her and she would be sorry.

I'm not the one malaprop-ing words up and down (bitterness and hurt didn't really fit in), I don't know what I've said that appears to be twaddle. I would be sorry. Why would I be sorry? Is it a threat? Like wtf?!? What I said was true and yes it's embarrassing to be called out. Sometimes you just have to laugh at yourself and move on, y'know?

~Sauron~:
Are you jealous?? U sound so bitter.

I know you are just saying but i have other major interests other than romance.
Stop triple-beaming me, y'heard??

NL guys have changed the meaning of the word bitterness. If a girl calls you out on BS, she's bitter. There are bitter people on NL (guys/girls) who must bash everyone and everything and can never see anyone else's pov, but what is bitter in what I said. Don't be insulting just because I called you out on hypocrisy. I don't know you, I was just making an objective observation. I'm not the one who called out people who were flirting on NL and then like a couple of posts later was flirting away. If you want to flirt on NL, flirt away but don't be condescending towards girls who do the same thing. It's a double standard.

between, this blindly pro-girls, pro-guys thing that goes on NL is stupid and immature. I'm pro-people. Sometimes girls do stupid thing sometimes guys do stupid things. It has nothing to do with gender. I was just calling you out on one of your stupid things is all. No bitterness. Just truth and keeping it real.

Personally, I don't come to the Romance section to flirt. I find relationships fascinating and I find other people's drama interesting. Don't bash people for what you do yourself.

~Sauron~:
There has to be a direct relationship between posting ONLY on "romance section" and "looking for love".
I know some of the peops here visit other sections and exercise their brains but some are here permanently to nick men.
U can bite me. . . . . .How Tatase knows i always flirt is a testament to her frequent visits to this section.
I have never seen her post elsewhere which goes to show she's here for a reason.

Oh you're not here that often? You must spend positively all your time on NL then. Because you manage to do a fair bit of flirting on many Romance threads. It's pretty much inescapable. Especially later in the evening. Hmmm. It's rampant. Not that it's important y'know? If you want to flirt on NL, you should but watch what you say about other people. I was just making an observation about what was said earlier. I don't believe in getting into it with people on a forum, it's not that serious.

190:
men, investigate her and u wont be suprised shes cheatin, people who tend not 2 trust their patners are actually scared of loosin them because thats their game, when i was cheatin on my girl i used 2 shout and watch her every move bt I'm changed now, i can trust her, she says u cheat because that is what she does, Gawd i hate ur girlfriend

I agree with this.

However, quick question, do you have a history of cheating? Or being a player as in in the past? Because that may be why she has problems trusting you. It could be that she hasn't really forgotten about your past. if you're actually not cheating and SHE's not cheating either and you've told her that you're faithful to her, and the two of you are so miserable about the lack of trust, then you should take a break from the relationship where she can have the space or time to deal with whatever personal/psychological issues she has and decide whether she wants to risk trusting you and putting her faith in you. Like I think she needs time to decide whether she can learn to trust you or whether it's better for both your peace of mind and sanity to just call it quits. I think that's the best thing for the both of you.

Random Observation:

On page 12 (if you're really interested at the top post # 352) someone said all the girls are plenty in the romance section relative to other sections because they're here to find men. I couldn't help but notice that the person who proposed that idea (he knows himself) LIVES for flirting on the romance section. Like always, any convo he's involved in on a topic always turns into some uncomfortable flirtation especially at night. And then it takes a brave soul to interrupt and get us back on point. It's so funny. It's like check yourself. Why are you here doing exactly what you condescendingly accuse other people of doing? Like take it to YIM already!!!

I think people should just keep it real and examine themselves before they criticize other people, I'm just saying.

Why do guys always say speak your mind?!?! After they'll come to NL and be saying girls are mean and that we feel too much and reject them. Don't speak your mind. At least not just like that. You've had all this time to tell her. It's not fair. It seems like you may be unconsciously jealous of someone moving in on your friend. Like I would say play your cards close to your chest and wait and see if it's real. Maybe like randomly ask her one day (in a friend-friend way) how come she's such a cool chick but you guys never got together, make it like you're joking. At least that way you may be able to see how she feels before ruining your friendship.

j-girl:
I'm scared of being attacked by insane
I'm scared of marrying the wrong guy

Me too!!!

I'm scared of losing the people I love.
I'm scared of failure.
I'm scared of looking like a fool/being misunderstood.
I'm scared of being too scared to live life.