₦airaland Forum

I have so many pet peeves:

1.) Blonde hair weave on dark dark girl (even white pple don't think that's your hair. It's awful and it looks stupid don't do it.)
2.) Light colored contacts on black people (NO! put them down. It looks like cataracts. Like something is wrong with your eyes. It's really disturbing and looks weird and witchy).
3.) Red eyebrow pencil (this color is only in existence for clowns. It's bad to shave off all your eyebrows. it's worse to pencil in with red brow pencil).
4.) Dark/Black lipliner (it just never ever looks nice. Lipliner if used shld match lipstick).
5.) When people think the fact that something is in their size, they should wear it (not everything is for everyone e.g. flat-chested pple exposing flat chests, chubby pple in hot pants/leggins/half-tops)
6.) Tapered trousers and high-waisted trousers (I think very few pple can pull either of these off and I think too many people try to and unless you're on the slim side, it's not ok, just where what looks good on you).
7.) When you have a hair weave or you're wearing a wig and the kokos (naps) underneath are showing
8.) Skinny guys in big baggy clothing <shakes head>
9.) White athletic socks with shoes other than athletic shoes.
10.) Sparkly/glittery clothing in the day time (it looks trashy like one long walk of shame from the night before)

@ mj, what's this sudden sexual tension ish? Are you writing/marketing a book? Everywhere sexual tension ah ah, man,

@poster.

You know, as far as I can see the girl is not really that into you and you're trying to force her to change her mind it seems. Look, my advice is to begin to distance yourself a little from her. Like be casual around her. Stop chasing her like this because it's like she's lost respect for you. I agree with Mr. Sexual Tension (i.e. mj), not about sexual tension though, but anyway about his 5 instructions, I think he's exactly right. Back off and move on, if she likes you, she'll contact you and ask what's up?

I think they're ok. They'll be nice with skirts,  I prefer them when your trouser is held up capri-style than when they are covered with the trouser leg (because they look a little strange that way in the photo).

Are they really really pricey? Because they're nice, but they're not "really really pricey"-nice, y'know what i mean? I have the same problem where I find it difficult to find cute shoes in the right size and so I tend to settle for "oh it's somewhat cute and it fits" but like check out zappos or piperlime i've gotten boots from both and their return policies are AMAZING and it's actually not that weird buying shoes online and they have more variety in more styles.

Anyway, if you're settling, I don't think you should risk the hubby's ire,  like to do that be madly in love with them as in dreaming of them at night. If you're getting them sha, get him a small something too, like a sweater or some perfume or something because that way it's like oh we're in love and i got us both something so it doesn't seem so selfish that way.

Stop the funds for a while as in hint that times are tough. And reduce your expenditure on the relationship. If your partner stands by you and supports you, you know there's something there. If they begin to get distant, then you know your relationship is based on money.

Ok for example, a friend of mine whose father is well-off was going out with this guy who was kind of obviously with her for the money although she couldn't see it like that. (E.g. he was always like "borrowing" large amounts of money to "fix his ride" or "buy credit" and "waiting" for his salary etc etc so he never paid her back). Anyway she's a really nice girl not a snob at all and she got serious about the guy and introduced him to her family in terms of possible marriage. Her father now started saying that he doesn't believe in sponsoring his children now that they are adults (she was like 25-26 @ the time) after all he spent all that money educating them abroad and that all of them now have jobs and are settling down so his focus is on the bigger family in the village etc etc. So the girl didn't really mind because both she and her boyf were working but when the guy saw how things were looking and saw that the money wasn't coming as easily anymore because my friend was no longer collecting from her dad, the guy started distancing himself as in calls reduced, he started giving her ela when she talks to him etc and basically he broke up with her.

I think the key is not to make the relationship about money. Like early on in the relationship, large amounts of money should not be exchanging hands, unless of course both partners don't mind the relationship being about money since everyone gets what they want (the girl: money, the guy: "segz"

Either person. Basically whoever is tired first. People just need to be nice about it sha. If you're doing the dumping, take the blame as in "it's not you, it's me etc etc and you deserve someone who can love you more," both of which are probably true, so you're not even lying.

I think the thing is nigerian girls in america tend to be looking for something better than the avg. african american guy as in someone in school/with a job/with prospects. The african-american guys who have their act together tend to be looking at white girls. So i don't think it's that common to see the two together. I've seen it once and it didn't work out because they basically wanted different things out of life and had different expectations.

I agree,  Do the test,  I always think it's shady when like immediately guys start throwing money at me as if I'm for sale. Like a meal ok, or the cinema ok,  but like when it's here's some money for credit, or take money, I feel so uncomfortable like I'm expected to repay "in kind" or something like i'm a LovePeddler or something, and it makes me feel cheap.

And also I find when guys give you money or something, they feel like they own you or something, and they have these expectations! So I think guys should stop whining about money and girls because they start it. Not in a bad way, but guys know they throw money around to attract a certain kind of girl who obviously wouldn't look at them if they didn't have money and they know this from the beginning because they've made it about money. When you're basically paying someone to be with you and you have no more money, of course they'll go.

I don't see anything wrong with it. And I don't think virgin means "knows nothing about sex" or "bad at sex." I think any partners (virgin or not) before they get married need to be on the same page sha as to what they expect sexually from each other and have like an open sexual dialog. I don't think just because you're not a virgin you're automatically good at sex,  As long as you have like a good dialog open about sex then you should be fine,  In undergrad I used to work at CHOICES (campus sexual health and sex counseling resource) and like in 4 yrs one thing i learned is that hardly anything is unfixable if there's good sexual dialog.

nalijah07:
@Tatase - I am exactly the same way!!

I am fascinated that someone else has to sleep with the covers on and all doors closed. I really thought something was wrong with me. I guess I am normal after all (still I wonder what this is about).

I also have to have the lights out. The darker, the better.

This is a great post.

Ayyy kindred spirits!!!! I also sleep better when I have the lights out although I can manage with lights on but off is def. better.

I don't like when people generalize like that. It's not all girls. I've never asked for/taken money/credit/transport etc from a guy I was going out with and I'm a girl. And most of my friends would say the same thing cos of self-respect. Especially when the relationship is new,

To me sha she has told you that she's not really iinterested anymore (when she gave you ela and said MOVE ON) and you should probably just listen to her because these things are not by force. If you think the sudden coldness/ela is resulting from the 10mill, then you should be rejoicing because u're well rid because it means that money is more important to her than you are, which is y'know a problem. I don't know why you want to beg her again or are still so interested in her when she has told you she doesn't want again. Find someone else who wants and can give something to the relationship.

HR.hotness:
Girl, u need to think less and live more. . .

u should try sleeping in d nude, its the sexiest thing ever

This is probably true about the thinking, but I've kinda lived a lot

HR.hotness:
Girl. . . paranoia doesnt even begin to describe what ur issue is

i don't plan on getting robbed or having my house burn down while i sleep . . . .
but in d event that there is a fire while i am asleep (in the nude), i do always keep a night shirt nearby incase i hav to get dressed in a hurry
and a naked robbery would be a welcome change don't u think. . . . spice up d jobs of the robbers. . . lol

Hey!! I don't think I have issues with paranoia LOL no i just think these things through cos they're kind of within the realm of possibility, as for the rest LOL, LMAO yeah it'd make their day, they might just leave your stuff for you,

@HR.Hotness

Sleeping in the nude?!?! No be me!!! Ok maybe I'm paranoid, but what if there's a fire and you have to get out quick quick, or what if armed robbers come and you're the naked person being robbed, imagine! Ok it's bad enough that you're being robbed but being robbed while naked? Ok, no!!!!

whitelexi:
Its a man's world
We gets what we want, when we want it, how we want it. . . Guys who don't do so are women in disguise

You've really shown your intelligence with this statement. In fact, you're a real catch!!!!

of course is that a question? Like unless the woman is a homemaker, then maybe ok but even then he should at least pick up after himself. But if she has to go to work, come back, cook, look after the house etc etc, that is just ridiculous, the man better be involved in chores!

I'd believe it. I don't think its something to be ashamed of. Not everyone wants to spread it around (I hope). Like I don't really want to be with a guy that EVERYONE "knows."

richo:
u think u be english master? u are wrong you cannot use most with a superlative most strongest strongest

LOL!!! The grammar is quite erm something. Real ESL-ness

muhsin:
The experience of the term “love” has long been known as an ineffable and absolutely elated one, which whoever you are most of the times, you can neither tell its purpose nor it’s beginning.

It severely and truly happened. To start loving someone is based on no any concrete reason, wish, or desire, but it ineluctably occur. It’s a conspicuous and inevitable ostentatious game we used to find ourselves playing that is described by scholars like William Shakespeare as: the most lovable game, which playing never run smooth.

Love is the most strongest and powerful affectionate feeling one would have, ever had, or ever will have toward somebody, something or an activity, be it adorned or not. But, dishearten enough such idolatry use to be taken in a total disdain as a result of “stand-offish” and “arrogant” attitude-unnatural one of some heads among us. What a demoralizing?

As in my little perspective. If my door is knocked in such situation, I definitely will open and let it ajar, not completely open to get enough chance of discovering it’s head and tail. But, this is just my view on this very matter, which won’t likely be akin to yours, but how do you think or look at it? Is it from right or left angle?

Though still, it’s totally inane to turn down someone’s offer of love my dear good people. Do think, a reflective one, it can lead to the destruction of his/her ego. Think of how forlorn, helpless and hopeless you are going to left him/her. Can’t you be a little bit friendly if not too open to him/her. Pack aside your being dated, courted or even betrothed to someone else. Remember if you were him/her.

Aside from the fact that a lot of what you wrote was difficult to understand, there are some basic flaws in your love argument 2 of which I identified in bold:
1.) Unless you're talking about, parental love, love without reason and from nowhere is infatuation, not love. You can't love someone if you don't know them. You can be infatuated by their physical appearance maybe,  but love,  lets not exaggerate. Also, Love is not a game. Romance is. Seduction is. But Love? No. Love is serious business. To be with someone when times are hard and you look at them and you don't like them much, that's not a game, that's love.

2.) So you're saying you must agree just because someone says they're in love with you. That's not possible. That's absolutely ridiculous. You can't be in love with someone just because they're in love with you, it's not by force, it doesn't work like that. How many people will you say yes to? Whether you're a guy or a girl. Come on.

Whatevs anyway, just 2 examples of flaws in your love statement.

@richo

I feel you, it's definitely a little strange, the random I'm looking for a long-term relationship IMs,

BUT:

i feel so bad for them because they're obviously shy, or socially awkward or something, and it's so sad, anyone who wants to find love online, more power to them. If there's something 22yrs on earth has taught me, it's that there's someone out there for everyone.

I feel really bad for you that your married life is starting with lies because it's going to come out one day, nothing stays hidden forever and it will still cause trouble then, maybe even worse. When I get married, I want to be able to tell my partner everything/anything and be honest because we're two halves of one whole y'kno and if I can't then I don't really want to marry someone just for the sake of marriage because it's not really by force. And maybe it's just me, and maybe I'm being idealistic, but to me sha marriage already has enough problems and complications without adding pre-marriage drama, at the beginning you should be able to start with a clean slate at least.

I'm not going to advice you to tell your guy because I think even before u posted u had already decided not to tell him. You know what you did and you're the one who has to live with it. So, its not really anyone's place to convince you. I just will warn you to be very very careful because these things have a way of coming out and things tend to be blown up more after marriage if your partner feels deceived. I've seen many examples of this in life. So girl, be careful!

I read the post, It's true. But then it's true about desperate anyone not just desperate women. Desperation is creepy. The clinging. Calling all the time. Being super needy. Trying to meet the partners parents (by force). Throwing about the L-word after like 1 week. It's not right. For women AND men.

Ruby_Pearl:
paranoid much?

I know right? But it's just the idea that someone could be watching you sleep through the open door y'kno and there's nothing creepier than someone watching you sleep. <shudder>

OMG am I the only unashamed watcher of chick flicks? I don't like movies that don't have happy endings and I love love stories but only those with happy endings i.e. chick flicks (no Nicholas Sparks ish though that man is wicked absolutely horrible with his depressing stories e.g. The Notebook (ugh) or A Walk to Remember both of which some pple call chick flicks but really, )

Ok so PRETTY WOMAN has already been given as an example. What about MADE OF HONOR? Did anyone see that this summer? Absolutely bogus!!! Yes ruin my wedding to an absolutely wonderful, gorgeous guy who happens to be rich etc just because you suddenly discover that "we're in love" and you must tell me like right before the wedding. It's like guys who think they should tell you when they like you, do guys think girls [/i]enjoy[i] deliviering set-downs, I hate it, I hate to say no but i don't have to like you just because you like me so don't make it weird (excuse me- mini-rant). LOVE ACTUALLY also had the same tell the girl themes (e.g. with Chiwetel's best friends feelings for Kiera Knightley the wife and with the little boy).

Another example, movies where there's deception like the guy went out with the girl as a bet e.g. SHE'S ALL THAT, the girl deceives the guy through 90% of the movie e.g. NEVER BEEN KISSED, SHE'S THE MAN etc, we all know that if these situations were in real life the deceiver will be told to carry their belongings and go because they're untrustworthy all their sappy crying apologies would not change things, imagine a guy goes out with you as a bet, hmmm it can't happen that we end up together sorry.

And then not to be a snob (and then watch me be the biggest snob of life), but all those movies with unlikely pairings where the super rich/well-adjusted guy eschews his family's/friend's expectations and ends up marrying/getting together with the "unsuitable" girl from the wrong side of the tracks, like how many times does this happen in real life, honestly honetly hardly ever!!! But in movies it's rampant e.g. PRETTY WOMAN, BRIDGET JONES (1 & 2), THE PRINCE AND ME, ALONG CAME POLLY, EVER AFTER, DIRTY DANCING, DIRTY DANCING HAVANA NIGHTS (ok in both DDs its the vice-vera), MAID IN MANHATTAN, NOTTING HILL (aren't we all waiting for our A-list hollywood spouses). Like I'm not saying it never happens because of course it does, I'm just saying it's not like in the movies,

And these are just a few examples, like there are hundreds!!! It's like when guys toast girls using like Westlife lyrical theory. It's over. Don't do that. I feel bad for guys sha. It's tough. Because it''s like don't be yourself, but then also don't be too like the guys we gell for in cheesy movies or in cheesy lyrics,

I hate body contact when sleeping like respect my space, The main thing I need to sleep is covers. No matter how hot it is, or whether there is NEPA or not, I can't sleep without blankets covering from neck to feet, I don't know why but its not possible. And also all wardrobes and doors have to be closed if not I feel like I'm being watched, it's weird I know.

LOL ROTFL! i take that to mean i need powder.

na2day?:
a guy actually called You?

that's funny, but it's mean,

as for midnight calls: i don't mind midnight calls, i mean as long as they're not too long like because 1.) it shows the man is frugal (let's not call it cheap) and can manage his finances 2.) Midnight calls you're tired, and it''s night so u're a little more yourself and open because ur inhibitions are lower, i dunno

Tranngirls:
myboo it is simple, the statement 'i have a boyfriend ' means
try harder stupid have you not watch HITCH by Will Smith go
watch it and read my next post

I don't think it's necessarily that. I've said "I have a boyfriend" before because the guy caught me unawares because we were just friends and I didn't really want to be more but at the same time I didn't want to hurt his feelings.

It seems sha that this girl might now be feeling you. But I think now its your time to play hard-to-get but not too much sha if you're still interested in her,

First I don't think you really have anything to salvage in your relationship because obviously your man has lost all respect for you and so you need to let that go and move on.

Secondly, don't get into another relationship until you sort yourself out attitude-wise. I agree with you in that i don't really think it's appropriate for a guy in a relationship to be chatting with other girls that you don't know in front of you or behind your back. You should at least know the person.

But at the same time, you can't carry on the way you are with the creepy and obsessive stalker-ish over-jealous behaviour. Control yourself, girl. I don't agree with pple who are saying you're immature. I don't think that's it. I think it's that you're insecure and you have low self-esteem and that's why you feel so aggressively jealous in your relationships and want to hold on to someone who doesn't respect you. You have to learn to love and respect yourself and be confident in yourself as an individual first before getting into another relationship because if not, this is how it will be for you in your relationships.

Ah, i don't think that kind of relationship is for everyone. Even the way you're saying SHE wants YOU in marriage. It's as if she's the boss, I mean maybe you're ok with it now but like in 10 years that might cause problems.

Think hard o, stop saying what she wants, think of what you want and of the future!

I don't trust anyone o. Even your closest relative can one day betray you/expose you even if unintentionally. Please o i don't tell anyone anything that i don't mind everyone knowing. That's always been my policy and no one has ever had the chance to embarrass me too much.

what does this even mean?

I think if you're not getting along with someone (all the time), you can't really be in love with them.

Reason: Not getting along means that each of you think your opinion is the right one and you're not willing to back down because of pride or whatever and when you really love someone then it doesn't really matter who's wrong or right, you're willing to back down from arguments sometimes even when you're right. It usually means your personalities are so similar that they clash.

Bottom Line: So it may be that you admire the person, like them, respect them even but if you guys can't EVER agree and you NEVER get along then you don't really LOVE "love" them, because love is humble (at least sometimes) and doesn't need to always be right.

How to get over it: I mean it depends. Some people thrive on drama so they cling to relationships that aren't really peaceful or healthy. I mean if you never get along one day it's going to escalate to like a big break up fight where you'll both lose whatever respect or liking for each other you might have. I think you both should just agree that you like each other, but aren't good for each other. No one is at fault, its one of those things that just didn't work out. So I think you guys should just have a good chat about it and just break up.