Sixteen-year-old me won’t even read this article. For all she knew, the whole world paid attention to the slight bend in her right knee when she walked, the skin tags on her face and the very tiny moles scattered around her cheeks. Sixteen-year-old me bothered my mom to no end about the gap between her teeth.

I mean, it’s not a bad thing to want braces to straighten out your teeth, it, in fact, helps with jaw alignment. But I was so obsessed with finding every flaw, it was all I could think about. I guess it’s common among teenagers. You’re still trying to fit into your new body and figure out if you like it.

But here’s why I stopped obsessing. https://theladysroom.ng/why-i-no-longer-care-about-my-physical-flaws/

I remember when I was in junior secondary school. Back then, I wistfully looked up to senior students and couldn’t wait to be ‘grown up’ like them. When I finally became a senior, I couldn’t wait to get to the University. Then I couldn’t wait to start working and earning some money. Someone should have warned the younger version of me. Lol.

As a woman in my thirties and right in the center of adulthood, I can now clearly say that there was really no hurry. Every season of life comes with necessary experience that shape us into the people we become.

I am grateful to be alive and getting ‘older.’ I am grateful for the lessons life has taught me along the way. In this article I share my top three nuggets for preparing for adult life. Click to read the full article. https://theladysroom.ng/dear-younger-women-plan-for-adulthood/

I know this is not a sentence you thought you would hear in all your years but, acids are good for you.

Give give me a minute to explain.

Remember when we bombarded our skin with physical exfoliators? Those scrubs with microbeads that we thought were doing great things for us? Well, we have found out that those scrubs are more harmful than helpful. That time, I would use everything that had “scrub” written on it. Thinking it was all fancy and it was doing something for my skincare routine. Haha. Just thinking about it makes me cringe so bad.

Lastly, WEAR sunscreen. All day everyday, whether you’re indoors or outdoors. If you don’t, you’re only taking one step forward and several steps back.
https://theladysroom.ng/skin-care-hack-for-jjcs-ditch-your-exfoliator-get-face-acids/

If you are one of the mob of Nigerians recently obsessed with watching the hit reality TV show, BBNaija, then consider this a safe space. Lol. As you may have heard or know, a new season just began a few weeks ago. Now, in true controversial style, almost everyday on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram, someone is analysing something that happened or did not happen. Of course it doesn’t help that most people are social distancing and have to channel their boredom somewhere.


I won’t lie, I’m on this table o. This year I joined the adoring fans of BB Naija. Maybe it’s the pandemic, but I find myself going from two hours to an entire evening glued to my screen. I really need to fix up. Lol. The worst part is how I have joined the band of people projecting my expectations on the housemates.

So, if you are like me and you are watching the show and getting aggravated, here are a few things to keep in mind.
https://theladysroom.ng/bb-naija-not-for-the-faint-of-heart/

That’s right: Breadcrumbing is when a person strings you along. They make no commitment to you but keep the lines of communication open enough to keep you interested or to feel that they are still a viable option. It’s kind of like an ego boost. Thinking back now, it should have been more obvious to me but a JJC will take a while before she learns the true price of crayfish. Okay, too much for an example but you get my point.

Dating as a thirty plus woman feels like Lagos traffic, so hectic. You know the destination you have in mind, but the road is so clogged, and your car is overheating. Lool. Still, give yourself a break. Shine your eye and refuse to tolerate men who do not step up their game.

Have you had any crazy dating experiences recently? Please share your teachable moments with us in the comment section.
https://theladysroom.ng/how-to-tell-when-a-guy-is-breadcrumbing-you/

If you have that habit of taking medication without knowing exactly what you’re treating, then you’re on this table. I was also with this pack at one point in my life. Many of the common illnesses in Nigeria are either tagged typhoid or malaria. As you can imagine, it’s not unusual to go in the pharmacy and take your pick of what was an unending supply of antimalarial drugs. Hospitals also charge exorbitant consultation fees, so it made financial sense to get the medication yourself.

Over the counter prescriptions might look like an easier way but it comes with a backlog of unhappiness. Get treated properly. Visit a doctor and find out what exactly is wrong with your health.

Here are a few concerns to keep in mind. https://theladysroom.ng/when-over-the-counter-medication-becomes-a-problem/

Many people have been working from home for a while. If you are one of us and at this time you haven’t felt the urge to push your laptop away and just be done with it, then you’re a superhero! I know I can’t be the only person struggling with this booby trap tagged working from home.

When my office assigned us projects to handle from home after the eased lockdown, I was equal parts excited and unsure because I was already missing social interactions. However, I was looking forward to my own space with hope that work output would be on the increase.

Truly, this whole period has been ‘learn-as-you-go’ situation and these activities helped with that. Above all, it’s okay to put yourself first even when you have a huge workload to handle. Find out what works for you and whatever adjustment you need to make for your well being.

All the best! [url] https://theladysroom.ng/dealing-with-burnout-while-working-from-home/[/url]

This is a very heavy but important article for me to write. A really sweet lady I crossed paths with died at the hands of her fiance. Although we not particularly close, it made my heart so sad that she and so many others have gone down that road.

A lot of times, we hear stories of domestic or gender based violence that were fatal or almost fatal. And we think to ourselves. Why did she not leave? Why did they think they could remain in that relationship and not get hurt or worse, end up dead.

Finally, if you are in a toxic relationship or being abused, you have a way out. Don’t think you re stuck. There are support centers who will take up your case and help you find a footing. You deserve better. You deserve peace. [url] https://theladysroom.ng/five-signs-you-may-be-dating-a-sociopath/[/url]

How many times today have you said to yourself, “I’ll do this later.” Yes, consider this a sub. Today, I have decided we all need a little dragging. Thing is, we always put off both big and small things, hoping to do them later. Well, guess what? Often times later becomes never.

Most times, the tasks we put off till later never get done. And even when they get done, they are done in such a hurry that they produce subpar results.

Whoever said procrastination is the thief of time, actually deserves a cold beer with a plate of steaming ube and óka. Because time is our actual life currency and something we can’t ever get back. So if we still keep feeling inadequate, it will get you nowhere.

The best time for you to take on a project would be the first time you thought thoroughly about it. But hey! The next best time is now. Start something and go through with it. https://theladysroom.ng/dear-dreamer-the-next-best-time-is-now/

The internet has found a new buzz word: Entanglement. That’s right, if you’ve been a regular on these social media streets, then you have likely seen the Red Table talk interview/clip with Jada and Will Smith. In that session, the much-admired couple talked about Jada’s affair dubbed ‘entanglement.’ The relationship was with August Alsina, a rap artist who is twenty-one years younger than her.

Wait, in case you haven’t followed the news and are shocked by this ‘bombshell,’ let me first begin by saying the couple were allegedly separated at the time. For many who have followed the model twenty-five-year marriage between Will and Jada, the pain hits a different way. It’s like realising that your super mentor is not anywhere perfect. Then again, who is?[url] https://theladysroom.ng/from-entanglement-to-empathy-lessons-from-jada-and-will-smith/[/url]

It’s been several weeks since I started taking medication for my mental health and speaking to a therapist weekly. I write about it here. My official diagnosis was clinical depression and type 2 bipolar disorder. I promised I was going to share the experience with you so here goes.

The first thing I would like to say is that I wish I had done this sooner. The quality of my life has improved in a lot of ways. By asking questions, the therapist has been able to help me see patterns that were invisible to me in the past. She has helped me see why I suffer from anxiety and become prone to panic attacks and bouts of depression. So far, we are working on ways to modify my behaviour, so that I am better prepared to deal with anxiety, panic and depression.

As someone who just started on this mental health journey, I will encourage you to seek out therapy, and if they recommend medication alongside, don’t be afraid to try it. Ask questions, read about whatever they recommend through google and have faith in the healing process. You deserve healing, you deserve help to manage your mental health. Go for it. https://theladysroom.ng/my-experience-with-mental-health-medication/

Skincare has always been somewhat of an enigma to me. Thankfully, I did not have to explore it so early, so I did not do all the crazy things— like put pee on your face to reduce acne. Or use pure lemon directly on spots to fade them. Those are just extreme.

I did not need to do all that because I basically had fresh baby smooth skin up until a few years ago when I clocked 23. I was literally called babyface.

And then I started breaking out. I missed the adolescent acne train but it was like I was getting on board te adult acne one. So I turned to all the trends of that time that still continue till today. I had no filter. I tried whatever new method and DIY trick without knowing the most important information: like skin type, skin texture, hypoallergenic ingredients and even what my own body liked or needed. I’ve grown so much since then and so has my regimen. I now pay attention to what my skin is saying to me. And I pay attention to what I eat and do with my body. And how it all affects my skin. That’s a topic for another day.

But for simplicity sake, here are 5 things I no longer use on my skin. https://theladysroom.ng/my-skincare-journey-five-things-i-had-to-give-up/

Cancel culture is something of controversy on social media. There are people who say it is bad and others who firmly stand by the power behind cancelling people or organisations. For context, cancel culture simply means to not engage with a person/organisation because of their thoughts on certain topics or their actions. For example, after many watched the “surviving R.Kelly” documentary, the singer was cancelled. Personally, I blocked him on my Spotify. It can be a matter of personal ethics and not standing for anything that goes against what you believe in. Of course, there are people who just do it because everyone on Twitter is doing it. I’m not really speaking of this second set of people.
The experience also made me see how because it was a friend’s brother, we were quick to be more merciful about cancelling him, we wanted to talk and educate him. So, why don’t we do this for the strangers we cancel daily on social media? Why don’t we give people a chance to change? Should we also be merciful to the toxic people we encounter on social media? Give time for conversations/education before cancelling them? And how effective is cancel culture anyway?

Tell us what you think. [url] https://theladysroom.ng/can-you-cancel-your-family-members/[/url]

Just let it go. I have said this to myself many times I had issues with people that needed me to confront them. I hate confrontations, especially with my family and close friends. Basically, I am one of those people who would rather walk around the elephant in a room than confront it.

The truth is, avoiding confrontations builds resentment against people. Each time I choose to “ignore” what someone has done to me, that offence is stored somewhere in my mind. If the person does it again and again, one day I will cut them off or stop speaking to them and the person wouldn’t even know what they have done wrong.

I am still learning ways to confront people. How do you guys handle confrontations with your friends? https://theladysroom.ng/are-you-the-type-to-avoid-confrontations/

Sixteen-year-old me won’t even read this article. For all she knew, the whole world paid attention to the slight bend in her right knee when she walked, the skin tags on her face and the very tiny moles scattered around her cheeks. Sixteen-year-old me bothered my mom to no end about the gap between her teeth.

I mean, it’s not a bad thing to want braces to straighten out your teeth, it, in fact, helps with jaw alignment. But I was so obsessed with finding every flaw, it was all I could think about. I guess it’s common among teenagers. You’re still trying to fit into your new body and figure out if you like it.

But here’s why I stopped obsessing. https://theladysroom.ng/why-i-no-longer-care-about-my-physical-flaws/

The other day, I was talking to a childhood friend who just walked out of a four-year relationship. The man she left was her fiancee. Yes, they were planning a wedding. It was during the wedding plans that, according to her, she saw a side of him she couldn’t endure for the rest of her life. She said he was too controlling. He wanted to make all the major decisions about their wedding by himself, which was actually fine with her until he decided to pick her wedding gown too and she flipped.

Considering what she had been through, I found it odd that it took less than their usual misunderstandings for her to leave the relationship.
If you are stuck in a complicated situation, here are a few tips that it might be time to take a walk. https://theladysroom.ng/is-there-ever-a-right-time-to-leave-a-relationship/

So, it’s the season of love, and in that same spirit, I decided to write a quick but fun #throwback post. It happened in 2007. I had a ‘thing’ with this Nigerian music gospel artist. *coughs. I was young, naive and a little too trusting. I mean, I felt he was a real gospel artist; nothing could go wrong. He’d never lie. Plus, he’d be filled with the spirit and have all the beautiful things of life. All the glowing qualities kept playing in my head.

Another thing I learnt is that religion is not spirituality. “Ji ma sun.” Having gospel artists or even pastors as the yardstick for who you will date doesn’t guarantee that you will be treated right in the relationship. So, girl, expand your horizon!

Finally, Men are Scum lol! You thought I would leave that bit out, didn’t you?

Nope! https://theladysroom.ng/not-every-church-boy-is-heaven-sent/

A friend of mine came to me excitedly. Her Igbo father has finally accepted that her living on my own won’t lead to her being kidnapped. Or to men not wanting to marry her because she no longer lives with her parents. He has been properly schooled and the patriarchy that he was brought up with, slowly evaporating into thin air.

She’s so happy and can’t believe her luck. She told me she half expected him to scream in Igbo, “where do you think you are going to? Will you hop into the next Uber (pronounced “Uba”) and come home, osiso!

That’s Adulting for you, guys. Sorry, it isn’t as glamorous as you may think. It is still exciting to take the next step. You get your freedom and some time to discover yourself. So enjoy it and relish it while it lasts. ❤ [url] https://theladysroom.ng/growing-up-and-getting-your-first-real-apartment/[/url]

When I was about seven or eight years old, I had a cousin I considered rich simply because she always looked beautiful. She wore nice clothes, had her own car and from time to time, bought me little gifts while still living with her parents.
Studies have shown that women don’t like to discuss money and that we constantly undermine our talents and abilities. Ladies let’s put our best foot forward this year. Apply for that job, speak up and be firm during office meetings. Ask for that promotion, start that business, seek financial advice, and invest. 2020 is the year of grabbing the bag. Amen? https://theladysroom.ng/make-and-spend-money-with-pride/

There is a story my mum often tells. She says that when I was a baby, I was very fat. I had round chubby cheeks, with rolls on my neck, thighs, and hands. Our neighbours and my mum’s colleagues decided it was more than baby fat.

“She is a girl,” they told my mum

“You better watch her weight now that she is still a baby”

They even advised my mum to reduce my food or give me only water to drink until I shed the fat. My mum was confused, she didn’t want me to grow in a society where people would treat me terribly for being fat and blame her for not “watching” my weight. She took me to a doctor who promptly dismissed those concerns and encouraged her to feed me properly because babies need good food to develop their brains and motor skills.

A few years later, I became very skinny, and it was those same neighbours and friends who started hounding my mum: “Are you feeding this child at all? Why is she so thin?”

The thing is, our culture of body shaming women dates back to pre-adolescence. And people who are guilty of body shaming are always quick to say, “It’s because I care about the person,” or “I was only pointing out the fact” etc. Evidence has shown that body-shaming deeply affects people, especially women and most of the victims end of taking their life. If you really care about people here are some ways to help without body shaming.
https://theladysroom.ng/why-have-we-refused-to-stop-body-shaming/

My childhood conditioned me to fear. My aunties, who raised me by proxy, were always quick to send me off to my room or to the kitchen, especially on nights when my uncles were around drinking beer with Eba and talking about politics. It was important to them that I did not grow up and ‘wa l’anya,’ which is a loose Igbo translation for ‘shine eye.’ It was also important to them that I did not end up like my father’s youngest sister whose voice sounded as thick and as sure as a man’s. On Sunday evenings, my father’s youngest sister would sit down holding her glass of beer and centre herself in the conversation, out laughing the potbellied men and often contradicting them—much to my father’s obvious irritation.

We must speak, even though speaking sometimes is a risk. Standing for what you want will mean that sometimes, people will reduce you to hormones and anger. “She is sensitive” they may say, but please, be sensitive and speak. Speak up. Speak loud. Speak truth to power. Speak against anything that interferes with your voice.
https://theladysroom.ng/why-should-a-womans-place-in-the-room-be-second/

When I was a kid, one of my aunts lived with us to help my mum with domestic chores. Unfortunately, this aunt bullied me constantly. I am sure she didn’t mean to bully me, but it happened in the smallest ways. If I did something wrong, no matter how big/little, she would beat me and take away my food as punishment. If something happened in the house, and I tried to explain my stance she would shut me up.

That shutting up also happened in school, my teachers wouldn’t let me talk or defend myself in certain situations. While I wasn’t physically harmed, the effect of this constant intimidation followed me into adulthood. I could never speak up for myself, and I became a people pleaser. What made me remember my childhood bullying is because a friend of mine is currently being bullied, and when she told me I was quick to say, “you are not helpless, you can stop this.”

There are so many women who are being bullied in personal and professional spaces. There are people (men and women) that once they smell a flicker of fear and intimidation in you, they wouldn’t stop until you crumble. So, how do you push back on bullies?[url] https://theladysroom.ng/time-to-push-back-against-bullying/[/url]

Work from home? A lot of us have been wanting to hear these words all our lives! LOL. Maybe not exactly in these circumstances that have the world looking like a scene from the movie “Contagion”, but we sure have anticipated this.

Now that a lot of the world is in isolation to flatten the curve of the pandemic, many people now have to work from home.

See, Becca? All those unnecessary meetings all those years could have been done via email. Haha

But even as we work from home, we still need to keep the ethics and keep our shops running smoothly. Those toilet papers and sanitizers won’t buy themselves.

So, what are the ways we can stay productive while working from home?
https://theladysroom.ng/how-to-get-your-a-game-when-working-from-home/

I know many of us are working from home or transitioning into a similar alternative given the ongoing pandemic, but let’s not forget that it’s still March; women’s month and world endometriosis month. I figured I might as well tell you about Bisi, a friend I met in University who always dreaded her period. A typical period week for her included Ibruprofen, buckets of tears, fainting and sleepless nights. Yes, you read well, actual fainting!!

I was always so worried about her, trying my best to imagine how bad her cramps could get. Some of her other friends had said she was acting the pain in order to gain attention. They argued that we all got cramps, “why isn’t anyone else fainting from it?” Imagine? God save us from stressful friends o.
https://theladysroom.ng/can-we-stop-dismissing-womens-pain/

I have a weird quirk. For some reason, I am always pulled in by news of freak accidents. The stories horrify me yet I find myself obsessing about how it happened, why it happened and what could have been done to prevent it. This is why, whenever I get the newspaper, I flip to the odd section about bizarre things happening to people. Maybe a part of me does it because I am quietly afraid it could happen to someone I know.

The goal is to become a much healthier you who is aware of what might affect you and how to prevent it from happening, not by saying allergies are not a Nigerian disease as if that would prevent it from happening. https://theladysroom.ng/are-you-aware-of-your-allergies/

Some people are born with a cookbook in one hand and a spatula in another. Unfortunately, I am not some people, but I absolutely love food – every spicy morsel of a home-cooked meal felt like a slice of heaven when I was growing up. My mom wasn’t having it though. Like many African mothers, she was of the opinion that cooking was the girl’s duty and set about making me a first-class chef. After a few lessons, her expectation was considerably lowered from making a chef out of me to getting me to at least cook what could be considered edible.

To be honest, the stereotype about women belonging in the kitchen is old and tired. I just wish more women are given the freedom to decide what they enjoy and what other chores interest them. No doubt, cooking is great, especially if you like food and you don’t want to be broke. But my sis. if you don’t like the feel of the kitchen, find what works for you and don’t allow people to stress you out. https://theladysroom.ng/whats-your-horror-cooking-story/

I have always struggled with listening to the radio and finding a station with the kind of content I enjoy. The hassle of flipping from station to station especially while driving left me so frustrated that I would end up just listening to music on my phone. So discovering podcasts felt like stumbling into a gem. I could find podcasts specific to my needs, subscribe and voila! Content just the way I like it.

If you’re self-isolating or even if you have no choice but to go out, I would encourage you to find a podcast with positive and empowering vibes.
https://theladysroom.ng/social-distancing-podcasts-to-the-rescue/

Dating apps have been around for a while, but people (read women) are still squeamish about using them. Some say it makes them looks desperate, or like my friend said: “I don’t want to be too out there.” But you want to find a partner, right?

Personally, I think dating apps are amazing. They give you a wide range of people to choose from. Even the option of just being friends. I know so many married couples who met on dating apps. The story isn’t always rosy but remembers that this is 2020, the year to shoot your shots for anything you want, and that includes finding a partner. https://theladysroom.ng/finding-love-in-the-world-of-dating-apps/

I saw a caption on Instagram from one of my favorite performance poets: Jackie Hill Perry. She said “As an introvert, I may get energy in silence while the extrovert gets it through conversation but the truth is, we all get some kind of energy and life from the community. Before we are a personality type, we’re human beings and it has never been good for any of us to be alone.”
https://theladysroom.ng/when-the-solitude-begins-to-bite/

The love language I give is not necessarily what I receive. So that dating phase is when to shine your eye for this, so find out what your partner’s love language is. When in doubt, always, always ask. After all, relationships are as much about giving as they are giving. Your relationship will have more meaning when both you and your partner are feeding each other in the ways you both appreciate.

Of course, this is in addition to making sure he doesn’t have a wife, girlfriend, or someone who thinks they are dating in his life.

Have you discovered your own love language? Share them below. https://theladysroom.ng/do-you-know-your-partners-love-language/

I know we’ve been on this dating matter for a bit, but sis, it is important. 2020 is our year, international virus or not! So, you’ve decided to use dating apps? Great! Question is, what comes next? There are unwritten rules and regulations that guide online dating. It is more than just swiping right on cute pictures and hooking up.

Personally, I don’t have a lot of experience with using online dating apps, but I asked a couple of my friends who have used dating apps for a while, including those who met their partners, husbands/wives through dating apps.

Here are some of the common things they told me.
https://theladysroom.ng/more-about-dating/

Since the lockdown, everyone has taken on one challenge or the other on social media. Everyone is hosting a live event. Everyone is creating content. We have all suddenly become influencers o. Lol. You know na, from the Tik Tok to Triller videos. The people who have not caught the social media buzz are probably monks.

So while all these are happening, it also helps to think about money. You are not here to spend all that data for nothing. Personally, I have also been trying out ways to supplement my income because this is the best time to work from home and what better way to do that, than on social media. I basically spend all my time there anyway. *don’t judge me*

Anyway, if you have recently caught the social media content creating buzz, and like me, you are looking for a way to monetize, here are a few options I am exploring. https://theladysroom.ng/you-might-be-the-next-big-media-influencer/