₦airaland Forum

princesa: Nice Tim...its seems to be about war of the Lords/armageddon or something like that...good!


but...


you ain't rhyming bloody enough yet for me, you're yet to toll the line of the blood initiate.

I ain't feeling the raw passion and hunger for blood in the lines, badmusace has brought in the game, let me see you try some...


blood blood and more blood

princesa: offcourse i will!
such poor and defenseless thing now turned a saloon waste

ayd91: . Your diction is fine, you only need to adapt to flow with your targeted audience (heavy diction for the literary minded and perhaps light diction for the average readers).
And what's that about the Teddy Bear and wool? Crime against teddy?

princesa: seeing things? next thing you're gonna be saying is 'I see dead people'

well, indeed sir, i dnt do darkside anymore

and please easy on the poor teddy.

ayd91: Timpaker's The Seductress Is Hapless.
Hmmm, your diction is heavy (its cool that you can string these words together and still make sense with them but it also constitutes a problem to the average reader). That's what I wish to point out first. Next, I really enjoyed the story behind the poem (that's priceless and movie worthy).
You poem features a barrage of poetic devices deployed with a touch of demiurge .
What is also admirable is the way you seemed to shower Madina with admonition preparing her for her fall (that's brutal, I loved it). The employment of metaphor and simile helps the readers see her through your mind (sharing similar mental picture).
'All snubbed the lass'....so sad. "he that stands should take heed, lest he falls"(1 Corinthians 10:12).
What I didn't Like.
No flaws to point out . I'll keep checking nonetheless .

princesa: you're scared over those amateur pseudo scary scribblings?

anyway that was years ago and i don't do darkside anymore, saw ur own bloody piece, thanks for dropping by

princesa: But... If you're still strung on blood, here's the link to the bloody side of me


www.nairaland.com/146433/lets-get-bloody-rhymed-poems

Marian17: I didn't memorize the poem o. I just remembered that I've read something like that before, so I googled the title and the rest is history.

You know, I could have ignored if it were one of those newbies around here but for one of the celebrated & respected members of this section, whose voice is one of the loudest when it comes to shouting against Plagiarism, it is just too bad to ignore.

Marian17: Mtcheeew, PM ko, AM ni. Leave me jor

princesa: okay

*wipes face and blows nose*

see, i didn't sneeze in it afterall

princesa: Oh death!
Now you're gonna make me cry