₦airaland Forum

[color=#cc0066]There's no 'perfect' advice, sometimes it's good to go with your emotions, because of all the things I regretted, I regret the times I went with my emotions the least, because I can't help how I feel. I don't know, you could have ignored him, but then realised that maybe you two should have made it clear and cut off the friendship. With a goodbye email, it's almost 99.9% emotion filled, and so maybe you say things you don't completely mean or haven't thought through, thing is don't worry about it, a farewell email won't mean a thing in a year or so. You two may have even forgotten what really went on between you, which is the best. I doubt if he wanted to wish you Happy Birthday in a year's time that he would hold back because of the email, unless he was a very rational rational-type person.

Just go with your heart.

Going with your heart isn't the same as go with the emotion. Be true to yourself, but allow yourself to calm down and know whether it's a long on-going feeling or is it just a spur of the moment urge.[/color]

[color=#006666]Umm last time I checked you were in the blue corner and he was in the red [/color]

[color=#006666]Umm ummm, waits [/color]

[quote author=*Toyinrayo link=topic=216113.msg3316095#msg3316095 date=1231386853]Lol, are you avoiding my question?[/quote][color=#006666]Lol, I'm not, though I noticed you sweetened me, but because of it I will hint (since I hid my age for a reason), I'm in my twenties. That is about how old I am hehehe[/color]

[color=#006666]In the red corner is H2O2, in the bue corner is *toyinrayo **ding** **ding**[/color]

Princek12:
I agree with the author: virginity is lack of opportunity. Most virgins lust anyway, especially most guys that are virgins-- a lot of men would love to hit some good kitten at some point in their lives. For women, it is usually the "wowo" ones and the "edikaikon" ones that remain virgins. The fine ones are usually being engaged by men and are usually not virgins. If any virgin wants to disprove me, please post your pics.

[color=#006666]And so what if that is the case? Most humans lust lol! Most virgins are human beings (last time I checked).

The 'some point' of life, by choice for some men happens to be after marriage, or at a time of their choice?

Lol and the last point, are you sure you're not just trying to hook up with a hot virgin?[/color]

[color=#006666]Apparently until we are all married with 5 kids each do we know what love really is.

I don't think anyone knows what love is, and I think our problem is focusing SO much on finding what it is.

Just relax, lay back, and go with the flow *says the over-analytical tp*[/color]

[quote author=Busy_body link=topic=216113.msg3316040#msg3316040 date=1231385290]Okay, what about this new one i am rocking, https://emoticons4u.com/crazy/240.gif Apparently, its the new lace-wig in town, i'm told Ain't I smoking hot? [/quote][color=#006666]Lol, I read the last bit as 'ain't I smoking [b]p[/b]ot'. . well since I'm so frank and honest, I have to tell you, that lace front weave is. . GORGEOUS! ! *tries to avoid eye contact*[/color]

[quote author=*Toyinrayo link=topic=216113.msg3316011#msg3316011 date=1231384522]what did those 2 pretend to be? and what where they for real?[/quote][color=#006666]I always make it clear what I like and don't like from the beginning, so no one is misled, but the two guys tried to manipulate themselves using this info, one quit smoking (until about a week before we broke up lol) and everytime I visited his place, he'd make sure to bring out the photocopied daily bread and place his bible by his pillow (instead of reading his bible with me, he just pretended, if he only spent half that time actually doing the work lol), he also claimed to know a lot about girls, but he was very clueless,  lol.

The other probably couldn't keep up, I feel sorry for him, but he was really messed up and confused and he appeared so full of energy and happy, and I'm a naturally happy and bubbly person, but he's not and after a while he was avoiding me, because his problems were getting on top of him and he resented me because he had to put on a pretence which made him even more unhappier.[/color]

Treetop20:
we just bleeped
it is the work of the devil

[color=#006666] [/color]

[quote author=*Toyinrayo link=topic=216113.msg3316001#msg3316001 date=1231384281]How does one even pretend in a relationship? [/quote][color=#006666]It's easier than you think, out of 4 guys I've had relationships with, two of them pretended to be who they weren't. It wears a man down, and I think that is where you start seeing the change.[/color]

[quote author=Busy_body link=topic=216113.msg3315989#msg3315989 date=1231384029]DEEP, Sistawoman https://emoticons4u.com/happy/540.gif[/quote][color=#006666]Girl! You gotta get yourself a new weave! [/color]

Treetop20:
you only play games with the one you
do not see yourself with.
why would i take a girl i do not see myself with
to a posh restaurant and allow her order
appetizer,main course and dessert?
that is over a 100quid. i think not

[color=#006666]I agree with that, but to me £100 is a lot of money. I think that's a tricky way of judging true love/commitment.

£100 to another person could be pocket change.[/color]

[color=#006666]Before I can actually give my advice, I would like to know what you think is the worst your ex could do to you, your family or herself.

If you find out there is nothing she can do to break your world into pieces (you've told everybody about your current girlfriend and you love her), then you can rest assure that her threats are merely threats. I know you want a peaceful life, but the ex seems persistent, hopefuly she'll find another guy and move on, but I don't think any amount of reasoning will work, since she is even keen on 'sacrificing her body'.

How long as the ex been trying to get you back, a week, a month, a year? It all matters

All the best for the future between you and your current girlfriend.[/color]

[color=#006666]Nods head. That's what I've always thought, but then there's this whole idea of catering yourself for your partner. . assuming that you could like another human being so much you want to change for them.

I understand changing your bad habits, but then changing yourself. . hmm. . not sure about that one.[/color]

[color=#006666]What type of accident??

As in whoops? - we just made love type of thing. .

[/color]

[color=#006666]Beautiful response from Sisterwoman on pg1. Along with journalling, get a blog it will help women who are to go through the same thing.

I'm sorry about your pain, you don't deserve to go through something like that no one does, and Lord help that man, and his conscience. I mean I was frustrated about gaining closure over a 3/4 month relationship, I wonder how you must feel.

I won't lie I cannot compare my pain to yours or say I have been in a similar situations, my best friendships aren't even that long to date.

I am going to put you in my prayers tonight becaue I believe that you will have a testimony. A beautiful one, like sisterwoman's, how she moved on and the man is just a distant memory. I am currently shy of giving advice because this sounds like such a crucial case, so part of me wants to leave it to the professionals and people who have been there, I would not want to patronize you nor set you on a tangent with any mistakes I might make in my statements.

My heart was suddenly heavy when read what happened, and it was only backed up by the crying and lack of eating.

I am not even sure whether to tell you not to let this man make you starve yourself, as right now it probably doesn't feel like he's even in the picture, it is probably just the inevitable crushing of your soul and the world you built for the past half a decade or so.

I just know you'll come out better.

I don't know what makes a guy do such a thing, I am not mad at him because he broke up with you, I am mad that he did not tell you earlier, consider your feelings above his, there are decent men out there, he is just not one of them, and no excuses as he is already dating again.
Don't let actions cloud your judgement though, so what if he is dating, I have this little spiteful part of me that always seems to scream for justice, in the end you will find a real man, and you can thank God that this man revealed this now and not at the alter or after the wedding.

I am so sad right now as I don't think any human being should have to go through what you're going through, male or female.

Books can surely help, they allow you to form your own opinions, as a lot of people will be telling you a lot of different things (some will tell you to fight for him, other to seek revenge, others that wasn't there something you could have done to see it coming and others will tell you nothing and offer no comfort).
One of my friends who broke up with her boyfriend last year said it brought he closer to God, allowing her to reshuffle her priorities, she no longer thinks anybody can manipulate her life to evolve around them that if they were to leave or pass that she would fall into pieces again.
Another friend just found it to pretend everything was okay, and eventually she believed it (this wasn't too good though because in her own company, she cried and had thoughts of suicide).
Another friend chose to date a guy who had always made it clear to her whilst she was with her ex that he would be there for her no matter what, and though they had a rocky relationship, it ended and she got a different point of view of what men were like, so found it easier to accept that 'things happen sometimes that we can't explain'.

What I'm trying to say is there are a million and one ways to do this, you will find yours, it will come naturally to you, if you want to cry, cry, I love to cry, because despite how it is seen as a form of weakness, I would let it out and then wipe my eyes and the relief would be tremendous.

I believe God and time are the only healers, from reading some beautiful chapters in the Bible I slowly am re-shuffling my focus and it's helping me with relationships on a whole, my mother, father, siblings, with God, and my friends and relatives.

Take care of yourself, please.
God Bless.[/color]

[color=#006666]Wow 84 replies since I opened the page.

Anyways, I think it could be a contributor to why people cheat, not the whole reason, since you might take them for granted but you must be okay with cheating to string along the existing girlfriend. Taking someone for granted makes you appreciate the qualities you see in the other woman more(which you think your girlfriend doesn't have - like excitment, spontaneity** etc).

It's hard to stay focused but I have seen many beautiful relationships** end because neither person wanted to work on the relationship, they thought a relationship was meant to flow and there would be no plateaus. .[/color]

springss:
@Topup, nice thread you have going on here. I wish to chip in my little contribution. Both men and women desire and deserve closure especially if they had poured their heart and soul into a relationship that eventually failed. So anyone may be termed 'crazy' if they pursue an uncooperative ex to understand what went wrong in a relationship that seemed to be 'nearly perfect' at some point. Appearing 'crazy' stems from how one goes about getting feedback and closure.

If you stalk the other party, or constantly call to get him/her to talk especially when he/she doesn't, you will definitely appear crazy. Being ignored especially by someone who was once the apple of your eyes can be tormenting no doubt. This is even worse for analytical people. These persons want to establish the root cause for the failure, learn from it and possible help them manage future relationships better. In an ideal world, we would all get genuine feedback as to why the cookie really crumbled.

In the real world however, some people would rather not talk about failed relationships; either to prevent an admission of a fact they would rather conceal, e.g. it was all a game ab initio or don't want to hurt the other person's feelings. There are just some things you wouldn’t want to admit to an ex. For instance, how do you tell someone that he/she lacks self-confidence and that's why you are quitting the relationship? Will this not ruin their self-esteem completely?

So what do you do, if you can’t get feedback? Relax! I always believe this: “What I don’t know today, I may know tomorrow. If I can’t find out tomorrow, I’ll know on judgment day; so why worry?”. Finally, even with feedback, some people just can’t put closure. They keep hoping they can revive things. This should be a topic for another thread…

[color=#006666]BRAVO. . your reply would have been such a beautiful ending to the topic, (but we have more replies below).

About the 'it was all a game ab initio' I guess if the person seeking closure knew that they probably wouldn't want to seek closure lol, I guess the hardest part of it all comes from accepting, it was all a lie, and that there is a HIGH possibilty that the person you got to know was a fake, so don't assume it's your loving boyfriend you're trying to call. [/color]

H2O2:
topup,

Hope I didn't confuse you with my "insight" .  What I meant was, it takes a great deal of mental maturity to get over an "ex", especially one that has caused you this much heartache.  You gave him the key to your heart, made yourself vulnerable to him and probably had your mind set on marriage.  You were open with him about your needs and desires and expected him to be different from those "other guys", but unfortunately your love was unrequited and his actions showed that he undervalued you and wasn't ready for what you had/have to offer him.  The grief and shock of that encounter is still with you and welcoming him back in such a short time might be unhealthy for you.

If you do decide to remain very good friends, keep in mind that you are his ex and there are some topics of discussion that must be swept under the rug; don't even bother discussing them with him.

Wish you luck!

[color=#006666]Ok, how do I delve into the fountain of knowledge that is H2O2 lol. You're right, I don't think I was that equipped for a breakup like that. I mean I have had boyfriends in the past, but they've always been very mature, I think I misjudged his age for his maturity. I don't hate him and I know there is much more in store for me, and I still love love love guys lol.

Anyways, which topics should I avoid discussing because I was almost going to start a mental list of final questions to ask/bring to the surface before I end/diffuse the contact slowly.

I actually don't know how I'm going to avoid disconnecting him rudely , but then you also gave me another insight in this quote, our levels of openess and maturity don't match. I'm expecting too much from university boys, there are some who are mentally mature to be honest and frank, but there are also some who aren't. I might have to stop being frank with him. I learnt that being too readable is also causing me some problems. The guy finally took me seriously when I didn't say a word and just plainly ignored him, forget the times we sat down and talked casually about what would happen.

I'm over the break up, but it's like you had a best friend who not only forgot about you, but never apologised for revealing all your secrets, deserting you, who has come back just so you can cry on their shoulder and then they can do the same thing again. I would very much love to gain some more advice on dealing with his come back. But my sappy stories might be a sharp ringing noise in some peoples' ears.

Look away if you are fed up of hearing. . carry on reading if you have advice.

I refuse to contact him, even when he came back;
1- because he never apologised.
2- I remembered one thing he did to me, which after it happened I blocked out and it has just returned and now I can't move past that and be friends.

I won't call him, but I will be amicable to his attempts to call, aloof is the correct word.

Thanks again
Peace and God Bless.[/color]

netotse:
y'all aint much better either(if i recall correctly u guys hv even been referred to as vrazy somewhere on NL sef!  )

[color=#006666]Hmm, somewhere![/color]

[color=#006666]Hey everyone I read an interesting post by 'Vonny' and didn't want to derail the thread.[/color]

"The issue with most women is that they think that men think like them. This is clearly not the case, my solution to you is if your man is weary due to being smothered, cut back on the attention you give him just a little. He'll definitely take note of it and start to wonder why the sudden change and poof! goes the weariness he had in the beginning. Men hate to be responsible for their woman's happiness, and when you bombard him with too much attention, it makes him feel suffocated. The problem is women make their men their lives, and men make their women a part of their lives almost like an added bonus, and that is how men have an easier time moving on after a break up than a woman does. It is because they have only lost a part of their lives, in the contrary, a woman is left heartbroken because she's lost her life and airbag (her man). The best way to be successful in your relationship is to have a LIFE of your own, and I know as a woman you are an 'emotional being', but act like your man is an added bonus as well, you'll have him craving for your attention in no time. Good luck."
[color=#006666]
I think what was mentioned in the above quote was great insight.
But I was wondering, guys;
When am I able to stop the games, and let it show that I enjoy the company of the guy, and when do they get to the stage where they appreciate being a large part of your life, because as some guys would find it scary, others would be disappointed if after months of dating, they are still just an attachment on the surface of their girlfriend's life.
[/color]

[color=#006666]I am always confused about these type of breakups, forced ones, it seems to me that neither of you were hurt about the fact you were forced to split, or maybe you missed out that detail.

I think it's good that you're focusing on your life because even though I don't advocate encourage family breakups, was there any resistance to the father's decision and did your ex know about this before he chose to date you? Surely if he was that rational, he would have never picked to date you in the first place, since we can't start saying the guy follows his heart, because I assume that his heart should lie with you.

The breakup has made it easier for both of you to live separate lives, his abroad, with his masters and yours in Nigeria, moving along, and being a sensible woman (no rebounds or flings, I hope). .

Anyway, I can't judge whether he still loves you or not or ever did or will in future. . .
But from the sounds of it, it makes sense that he is still interested in your life, it's a fact most exs get jealous when they see the other has moved on, even when they had no feelings for the other, no one likes to be replaced.

I think it's good to listen to the advice and not the insults that bronx_dog and omega25red posted, because the underlying point is that they think that your ex is only keeping up to date with your life to keep you in check and to make sure you will always be open to his advances. I am glad that you're not making it obvious that you are awaiting his return or anything like that, because he would love that even more. I am not going to assume your ex is a player, but he doesn't need to be to play games.

Hopefully you guys are of the 0.01% of couples who can be friends straight after a breakup with no glitches or problems, hope you're both sincere to each other, if not, you've been made aware of what could happen.

Take care.
God Bless.[/color]

[color=#006666]You haven't been able to find a girl you can call your own because you invested most of your effort in seeking and trying to steal other women from their boyfriends.

If you are with a cheater, don't be surprised if they never decide to be exclusive with you. The way you met them greatly indicates what could possibly happen in the future of your relationship.

Also, you mentioned finding one girl, but you got sick of all the attention being on you.

Hmm, I am a little unsettled with your reason to settle down, though I do appreciate your honesty, if you don't do it in your own time, you may always get that feeling of 'why did I rush into this.' and marriage is nothing to be taken less than seriously.

I think it is necessary to adopt a different way of thinking by force as you are 34 and you still are shy of the commitment between two people in an exclusive relationship. I know it seems as if I have contradicted myself by saying 1; do things in your own time, but then 2; I pointed out that you have to change your thinking by force because you are 34. I am not telling you to get married ASAP, nor to delay it, but after a good let's say. . 20 years of dating, you are struggling with issues most of us have battled time ago. I am not talking about the personal struggle to find a good girlfriend and potential wife, but instead the mentality which you have carried around throughout the majority of that time which was that you don't need a girl of your own.

My advice is that you should focus on the qualities that you see in women you already know or are friends of friends etc. that you think you would appreciate in a marriage forget the typical, good cook, good cleaner etc, who knows if the girl you attempted an exclusive relationship was all that anyway. . focus on things you find the most important, maybe someone who isn't too clingy, who gives you your space, independent woman, smart, etc. I am sure you know a single lady like that. Then try and get to know her.

If you end up asking her out, you have to realise that naturally you're not going to feel like this is the 'norm' you have a tendency to feel claustrophobic in an exclusive relationship but this time, try and hold on, only break up with her if you find a fault that you don't think you could overlook in marriage or something she refuses to change or compromise.

It's a bit silly breaking up with people because you 'feel like it'.

All the best in future.
God Bless.[/color]

[color=#006666]Oh yes I agree with netotse, btw, I forgot to answer the question in the OP, would I reply to a goodbye email?

My answer is yes if I wanted him back, but if I didn't want him back, I would want to reply but what would I actually say??
-Urm, yeh I'm cool with never speaking or seeing each other again.
[/color]

[color=#006666]Not all looks are welcome, especially when accompanied by the licking of the lips, when you're wearing your raincoat, no makeup and haven't got a piece of makeup on. But it is a compliment nonetheless.

If I saw a hot guy (I don't use cute), I would stare not straight at him, but I'd watch him, I don't go after guys, not because of agreeing with traditional reasons, but more to do with the fact that I've noticed, guys don't tend to hesitate (unless they really dislike you) before entering into a relationship or admiting the 'I like you too.' To avoid a lot of mishaps I wait to be asked by the ones who are interested because women find it hard enough finding a guy who's completely interested in all the guys that ask them, let alone if you had to include guys you walked up to and asked also.[/color]

Suga4ya:
Topup,

my friends keep telling me the same thing; thus, he'll eventually respond when he has cooled down, but I'm not waiting for the response anymore.

[color=#006666]Yes! A tip for moving on is to expect the worse, I know it sounds stupid but do it! Expect that he'll never call, or text or message again, and dash out that hope. I know it contradicts what I told you about him calming down, that much is true, but in order to move on, the ropes must be caught, because you gotta fly, and right now you're tied up. . (stinking metaphors )

Anyways, as before all the best!

Man, I think I might need some H2O2 counselling!![/color]

[quote author=Busy_body link=topic=211888.msg3308287#msg3308287 date=1231226709]You can do it too, once you set your mind to it, seven months is too long, you don't have to wallow in pity and allow yourself to succumb to Depression, because once you cross that line, thats it, it never fully goes away [color=#006666]Please can you explain giving an example at how I can get stuck in depression if I wallow. I'm intrigued.[/color]. Talking therapies help, so feel free to come remain on NL, this place is just like a family gathering, but you are not expected to get along with all members of your family, there are always some that irritate you, so all you have to do is grin and bear it. Thats life

[color=#006666]Lol, from this I can definitely sense that some parts seem to have gotten the wrong impression. There's no one on Nairaland that irritates me

Thanks anyways, I think I'm not over him completely, but I am to the point where I think I can move onto another guy ~ 80%, in fact there was one about 6 months ago, and I really started liking him, but it didn't work and we never went out, I never compared him to my ex, and at that time I had completely cut off every contact with the ex. I think yes 8 months I'm still talking about him because about a month ago he messaged me and we are talking, and all the old issues are coming back. I never announced this on NL because I was over him initially and handled it well.

Thank you so much because even though I am not as sappy as some cases can be when it comes to handling a breakup or recovery, I can always improve further and reach that 100%. I'm just wondering how to slowly disconnect the contact between us, so that in 3 months time I'm not back again, telling you guys what's up and then get responses along the line of 'why did you ignore him, he was just trying to be friends.' etc. .

A lot of this is not caring what other people think, but being able to apply their advice if it suits, because I think if I cared what people thought I would be telling everybody that I am 100% over him and bragging and claiming things aren't true. Well, the mind is very powerful. . though.

In another thread H202 gave me some insight on why the ex has returned and I am now onto phase 2, removing him from the core of my life, and filing him under 'distant distant' friends. Lol, for God's sake, I don't even put this much effort into chatting with my long lost cousins *shakes head in disappointment*

Thanks for all the advice.

Peace.[/color][/quote]

free2ryme:
@arramyjay

Every girl says that, but in reality its never true, no matter what.

iice:
[color=#9900ff]Gentle guy yes, a doormat no. People equate one with the other which is not the case.[/color]

[color=#006666]Hmm, I agree, by gentle we don't mean you do everything we tell you to. To be gentle doesn't mean you lose rational and just do anything for the girl or are at her mercy. A man who's got backbone doesn't necessarily mean he's the opposite to gentle, so yes, I would like a gentle - man with backbone, as I don't want the opposite; being a crude and harsh man.[/color]

[quote author=Busy_body link=topic=211888.msg3308216#msg3308216 date=1231224491]Mentioned that I had a sensitive side too, but if need advise, I don't just select the ones that goes with what I want to hear.

^{Biting my tongue} I registered in Feb 2006, if you must know. [color=#006666]lol I was not trying to say you are new to the site, I am merely wondering if you did participate in my posts 8 months ago because if you didn't I don't really think you can comment on how people treated me as you wouldn't know.[/color]

Even if I wasn't here then, do previous posts disintegrate into thin air? [color=#006666]No, and that is why it is unfair to ignore them, focusing on only this thread, and claim that people are being too nice to me, and not telling me the truth. If we read back, I have agreed with a lot of things you guys said, it seems as if we are constantly putting what happened to me and the scenario I put in the first post of this thread in the same boat. I am not that girl in the topic. This crazy issue was actually brought up by a friend. I did not argue against what iice and you said and a lot of others, I was merely frustrated with the exaggerations, if we focus on the exaggerated versions, then I simply agree, a girl who dotes on the past, who refuses to move on, who pesters her ex, really should have moved on, but I was not refering to those extremes, I was merely refering to impressions, and it is possible to get the wrong impression of someone. I have thought people to be crazy and then I have found out what really happened and had extreme sympathy for the person, as their story has been manipulated slightly by the ex. Of course, I would also advice the girl to move on and to leave the guy alone because she cannot get closure from him, but you see it takes a while before you realise someone's ignoring you, you can't just message them ONCE and then make up all your conclusions from that, why blame someone who is unaware? We can grudge at someone who is in denail (the signs are obvious), we can equally grudge at someone who refuses to stop pestering the ex for some reason or the other, tell them to move on etc. . I guess I was trying to make a point in this topic, and before I make a point, I usually would have discussed it with many people and friends in real life before I bring it onto NL, my point was that our focus is taken from the hurt'er' to the hurt'ee' (rubbish lingo I know!) . . We focus on the girl as she is viewed as a sorry excuse, and fair enough, she should move on, but we rarely ever pinpoint the disappointing behaviour of the hurter.

Little did you know, I did the whole letting go forever thing, "I never wanna see him again. ." but it took me 3 messages to realise he was even ignoring me. I just find it annoying that judging by some opinions expressed in this post that I would be considered the crazy ex. Funnily enough, speaking to my ex, he didn't even think I cared and that is how things backfire on you. I don't think you can assume that because someone hasn't replied a text means that you need to cross them out of your life and move on. If you make a few attempts then you can rest assure that they are ignoring you, and other than an issue of pride you have lost nothing, no guilt, you can move on, and it's easier knowing you did all you could. I might have appeared crazy because I believed the last words he said to me 'Please, please, if we can, I want to be friends with you. . If we could be friends that would amazing please don't be mad at me." and when there was no reply, I would always give him the benefit of the doubt, I'm not slow, so after a while I realised my friendship wasn't wanted, and probably it was said so I wouldn't stay mad at him.[/color]

You already know what happened, [color=#006666] *puzzled look on face* I know? I don't think I know. Anyways, hopefully I'll still be on NL in a few years, I'll come back and tell y'all what happened lol.[/color]

you just wished things happened differently. It's normal to feel that way, but creepy once it starts to become an obsession. [color=#006666]Wow, I'm creepy. . not bad not bad - better than crazy I guess (and the funny thing is he's the one calling to ask questions about what happened).[/color]


Trust me, if i wanted to, i would not beat around the bush. [color=#006666]These 'move on' comments, seem to imply just that though. I'm not saying you're heartless, but to assume that the less I talk about the ex the more I've moved on is one of the easiest ways, but it's not always accurate. I'm talking about him now, because he has once again made a re-appearance in my life, I'm not back to square 1. If I talked about him less, you would assume all is fine in my life and that I am over him, but that could just be a person who holds things in.[/color]


Phew, I am glad I got another laugh out of you But seriously, thats what you are trying to do, trying to be a martyr and rouse girls to confront JERKS and challenge them to not just end a relationship without having the decency to explain why. [color=#006666]Hmmm, if you put it that way, then maybe I am, but I am aware that it is impossible to change people, but I am not relying on the outcome that they'll change I am just operating on the simple but naive idea of justice and not letting people get away with things so easily. If the guys do not change, it doesn't change the fact that I've said my bit, change is a bonus. And contrary to popular belief, you CAN change a person, you CAN not make them change, but if something in you affects them, they CAN decide to change. We are not completely powerless, we just can't control that power that's all.[/color]


Not saying you didn't, but go and read it again, they all told her to move on.
[color=#006666]And she will, but who's to judge if in a few months she's finding it difficult, are we just to say the same one liner 'move on'. I think it's really unfair to say that myself and Suga4ya are in the same boat. I was kinda in her position months ago, the relationship dynamics were different, but the ending was similar. Right now she needs to know moving on is key, because it is, and will continue to be, but it wouldn't kill anybody to sympathise with her, not to pity her, but apart from Nairaland, I had people I emailed who helped me move on not by just saying it, but by explaining it and such.[/color]


Me calling him all the derogatory names under the sun would not remove a hair from the guy's body, and neither is it going to unbreak girl X's heart, and does not change the fact that the girls allowed themselves to suffer fools for love. [color=#006666]Hmm, who knows, who can really know. We act as if guys are monsters, unmovable, stubborn to the core. Much like you are expecting me to be affected and inspired by the words strangers are telling me on this forum, do you not believe that a guy out their could exist who would be affected by someone actually confronting them? Is that not why they hate confrontation in the first place? Why assume all men are terrible and never 'scold' them or correct them, because of the simple fact that they are men? What harm would it do in trying and who knows, the fact that too many girls move on never allows the hurt and pain caused by the guy to penetrate into him, the only revenge is a sting in the ego because she has moved on - which I think is good revenge too.

I was speaking to a male friend about my breakup and he was a close friend to my ex, he told me that my ex had no idea how much he hurt me because I never made it clear. The guy had been hurt a lot in the past and so was past accepting the fact that women have feelings (past the pretence and tears they cry). So, it made me realise that the fact that after the breakup, and the long initial silence, I had re-iterated just that again. . that I didn't care and it didn't affect me.

I am past caring about how I appear to someone, and have found peace in knowing it's what you are on the inside that matters the most, that sounds like disney but let me put it bluntly. If I feel like I want to cry over a guy, I will cry, letting out frustration and emotion is such a relief despite what people say. In the long run I'll be better off, getting it all off my chest. I refuse to be made into a fool, but if being a fool is asking for peace, asking for mutual breakup and not some awkward silence then I guess I am a fool.


I agree 110% I should move on, but who is to say that I am still stuck on him, there's not much going on in my life right now  and he just happens to be a hot topic for me. I guess I'll try to stop talking about him.[/color][/quote][color=#006666]You have shared a lot of valuable information which I have genuinely taken in and I appreciate the time you spent doing so, maybe I haven't moved on, maybe I am still moping, maybe I should cut off all contact with him because he's not good for me lol maybe maybe maybe.[/color]

H2O2:
Bad idea.  He's keeping you around.   Will try to win you back when he's done having his share of fun with the hens.

[color=#006666]And there I was thinking that he was bored and we could just be friendly, you guys don't know how much your advice sways me. I was already thinking about cutting out the contact but now I'm seriously off![/color]