₦airaland Forum

[color=#008855]Hehehe, good one!
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mida:
I think there is little we can do about the past but a lot lies ahead.
it's like the slogan in one of the shows i watched, though forgiveness
cannot change the past but it can sure change the future.This should be
the motivating factor to all the progressives in life.Topup i think while the two of us
cannot change the wrong turn of events in relationships that leads to heart break,i guess we
should be able to spark the light that will change the world of relationship, especially between
a guy and girl.You have the expressive nerves to pull it through topup.please do. i care.

[color=#008855]Hmmm, the past has passed and there is nothing you can do to change it, the situation that arises from it on the other hand, can be tackled I guess.

I am more than motivated, and excited for whatever is to come next.
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ryker:
I regret all the times i blanked out, all the times i refused to pick up calls. All the time i was nice so i could sleep with her.
I regret it, I can't turn back time. But i can at least stop it.
I respect women, even as i adore them.
Guess society sort of expects you to 'sow your wild oats'.
Closure is hard for guys because when you hurt her, you hurt too,we sometimes, are too cowardly to go through it.
ho hum,

[color=#008855]Awwwww, I really want to believe that closure is hard for both people, but I only think it hurts if you put your all into a relationship or you cared for the person in the relationship. All this talk of not wanting to hurt someone, it's a little too late, breaking up with someone hurts, and I seem to favour the side of the person who's been broken up with much more than the other (usually).

Anyways, I understand how it could hurt, especially with hindsight and time, reaslising the sheer gravity of your actions and behaviour (both people in relationship).

Well, as they say time heals, but to be honest, I think closure can be a great thing for someone who did the damage, a guilty conscience can be a nasty thing!
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[color=#008855]No one has mentioned or warned 'David Chen' about the risk of frauds on this website, so I will. I am not accusing anybody, just thought someone should point out that we should be alert.
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[color=#008855]Thanks for your response, I have learnt quite a bit from it, if you are Nigerian, I would just like to just give you a pat on the back for making progress

Architecture is constantly changing and evolving and we must keep pushing it, I myself really admire American design, but I just guess I have an urge to desire to see Nigerian architecture, that we can be proud of. That reflects the environment, the materials, climate etc. .

Now, this can be done through making alterations on existing successful houses or the hard way, through research and trial and error.

I guess I am craving for something that is truly original, not just original to the location, but original on a global scale.
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[color=#008855]I think the houses in the OP are really beautiful however, I just don't believe they are doing Nigeria justice. I understand that the goal is to give people what they want, and to fill the demand in the market, however, all it seems developers are doing is taking something that works somewhere else and placing it in Nigeria, Nigeria is not America, and though we admire America for certain things, its architecture being one of them, I just don't believe that we are doing justice to Nigeria. Looking at the pictures, they mean nothing to me, they do not provoke any emotional response, other than, "that looks nice" and I don't connect with the building as it does not connect with its surroundings. Materials which we could harvest and use which are home grown are thrown aside for bricks and mortar, which have never been native to our country.

I think it is very important for every country to have its unique and distinct character. Those buildings could be anywhere, they are not unique to Nigeria. Why try and replicate an American neighbourhood in Nigeria, surely if people wanted gated communities they would just visit the authetic place?

By focusing on bring out the best of Nigerian design, we can begin to define our own architecture, by researching into what people really want we can continue to develop from the traditional houses and rooms.

There's nothing saying we have to copy what others are doing, so why don't we be inventive for once?
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[color=#008855]Please please forgive me, I am more interested in the title than reading the whole OP, if I have missed any points, please feel free to correct me (I'm tired).

Anyways, CCTV would work in any country where there is a strict backbone of policing, and the law was reliable. Most people don't feel that they can rely on the law or the police in Nigeria, so to them CCTV isn't going to be much of a reassurance for them.

Even in the UK, CCTV has never really reassured me, when walking alone in the dark etc. .
I still highly doubt that CCTV will make any criminal think twice, after all they too don't believe that the police have much power or that the law will incriminate them.

These situational approaches are great in countries where the legal system is reliable and just, I think what Nigeria needs are dispositional approaches, yes more difficult, but we have such little faith in man, that maybe we just need to educate ourselves, create a togetherness that reduces the amount of anti-social behaviour etc
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[color=#008855]I am not surprised with the statistics. I am more shocked that Mexico tops the list. I would have thought with all the human trafficking in Russia and Thailand that they would have surfaced the list.

I know as Nigerians, we are not foolish, some really sensible approaches have already been outlined, however we find it hard to effect these approaches, I actually would like to avoid using the word corruption. There isn't a single country on this earth that doesn't have an element of corruption, democracy or not, it still lies that the world is corrupt.

Okay, instead of stating obvious ways of solving the problem. I believe that we should note that modern day Nigeria hasn't been a toursit destination, we do not maintain our history too well, and upon visiting the clay artwork in osogbo (not quite sure the name of the area). I could see that mould had grown over the artifacts, and we were still being charged to enter. The access roads were very narrow and dangerous, certainly not a place where tourists would want to visit. I am not a tourist and even I found it to be an ordeal. There are many other areas I could mention, to prove how our history is slowly being allowed to rot away, we are not protecting the past, and are much to eager to shift to empty land to build skyscrapers than to attack the areas that are slowly depreciating.

Kidnapping is a threat to Nigeria, as even locals feel threatened. This is where a fantastic police system would come handy, but. . as you've guessed we don't even have that. Paranoia is growing in the country and facts like this only seem to worsen the situation.

Instead of adopting situational approaches and concentrating all our efforts on trying to reduce the chances for kidnap. I think it is about time Nigeria developed some dispositional approaches, where they actually attack the cause of the crime and kidnap. That we try and cater for these people or if they are past 'saving' that we remove them from common society and protect the people.
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[color=#008855]Hi everyone

I am currently studying Architecture in a country that's not Nigeria , I haven't done too much research but I am really limited when finding books or even successful architects in Nigeria.

Now, there is an issue, I am not sure whether it is between the builders/bricklayers or the engineers or architects, but the architecture in Nigeria in some areas seems very lacking. I understand we have bigger problems than how straight or level our buildings are, but driving through lagos I see a low standard of buildings. I understand that in Abuja and the very well developed cities, the architecture matches that of some of the highest quality buildings all over the world and I am proud, but why is it that we have never really taken it upon ourselves to learn the skills in the non-african and possibly european architecture which we replicate. I have seen our traditional buildings and they are fantastic too, but we don't need symmetry, or too much accuracy. Is this an attitude of our people, is there really a low level of workmanship in the country (as in standards allow people to get away with floors that are not level, buildings with narrow windows (no consideration for daylight) etc. .

Also, it would be have been so helpful if there were books I could read, encouraging me, but I find it hard to find anything about modern Nigerian architecture and how it has developed.

Right now in PH and VI, we are currently immitating the gated communities which we see in the american neighbourhoods, and the houses don't express Nigeria's development, we are simply just copying and pasting what works for the Americans, however, what works for some does not work for others. Is this a reflection on the Nigerian attitude of laziness? Instead of doing the hard work, researching into our materials and deriving from them, distinct Nigerian styles, we prefer to just copy what we have seen before.

Any Architects or Civil engineers in the house?
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earTHMama:
will you support husbands that do the same to their wives especially on the area of weight loss after all they give their wives what they want which put them in a good position to demand what they want[b][I am quoting you][/b]?. The man can also claim he wants his wife to lose 50 pounds so she can live longer and see their kids graduate. Last time I checked, the men that behave that way were described as abusive and controlling by the women they married, abi?

[color=#008855]You are not quotting me, because I never mentioned anything about demanding or forcing anyone, I talked about tactics, tactics are more psychological, and you don't actually put more than emotional pressure. A husband has every right to wanting his wife to be slimmer, especially if it is putting her at risk, I very highly doubt anyone would argue with that, it's reassuring to know that he cares for her well-being to the point he actively tries to attack it.

Now, I am just saying that if he used tactic, it'd be easier for him to ask (not demand) what he wants, there is still free will involved. I have heard tales of husbands and wives, refusing to cook for their spouses because (they gained weight) and are 'not the man/woman I married'. Motives behind these cases sometimes is underlying shallowness, and maybe their reasons for marrying the individual were not obvious from the beginning. If it becomes forceful and the woman is not seriously overweight (because let's be honest a lot of people are overweight these days), if the woman has merely become un-attractive to him, he still has every right to ask her to lose weight, if it is bothering him that much, but a well-loved and appreciated husband would probably be able to achieve that goal easier with his wife, than one who has to push and tug and force.
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[quote author=Busy_body link=topic=216811.msg3331523#msg3331523 date=1231783080]I do believe this is not a made up story, but what pisses me off is that it is guys like you that would now decide you want to settle down a year or two later, despite the fact that you are saying now that you would not be ready in a million years time [/quote][color=#008855]Lol, the same guy who said 'sorry, I really care for you but I just don't think marriage is for me.' or 'I'm commitment phobic' HA!
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[color=#008855]Love is ok. I was going to write something very emotional, like love is beautiful, diverse and unique, but nah. . after reading this, yeah love is hard work. It's about compromise and so many other things. The love for another person can be easy if you don't expect anything from them, but when you expect to form a relationship with someone and decide to base it on love, that is what is known as the beautiful struggle.

*wipes sweat off forehead*
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[color=#008855]At this stage, you would hope that you know the girl really well, did you not ask her any questions when you dated? Anyways, if you want to know if she loves you, at this stage, it's going to be difficult, she could just be doing things out of habit, or because she is in some kind of cycle. If she loves you, you should be able to tell, through the little things she does for you, she should want to spend time with you, have your best interest, trust you, she should seem to embrace the idea of a future together, she should also be someone who you can put your trust into and maybe she knows a lot about you, your likes and dislikes. All the big and little things.

I'm not quite sure what the question is, you don't want to lose what? Is this some kind of game, do you simply want her to be 'yours' and noone elses' because breaking someone's virginity is no guarantee that that'll happen either.

More info needed.
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[color=#008855]Of she was right to break the relationship. What kind of world do we live in where we have multiple partners and it's not a big deal, as if we are back in time or lions or something. Hopping from bed to bed, house to house, what the heck.

I don't think anyone should tolerate a cheater, nobody think its in the long run, nobody ever relates their lives to that of the 'playboy bunnies' who are Heff's 3 girlfriends, and each one is desperately competing with the other, for his affections and one of the three girls is especially bent on marriage, it just doesn't work, nobody will commit if everything is offered to them beforehand. I'm not talking about sex, but if you want the guy to focus only on you, why enter into the relationship when he's got another girlfriend.

She did the right thing, and she shouldn't feel like she lost out, that's major undervaluing oneself, doesn't everyone deserve someone who loves them, and the words are actually true, how do you know he doesn't say the same to the other two girls? ?
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[color=#008855]Oh my oh my, I enjoyed reading all the replies on this topic.

Firstly, a breakup doesn't have to be mutual at all. Though you are dating someone, you aren't yet one entity, not until marriage I believe, right now you should still be trying to get the best for you.

I personally think the real issue behind this is that you don't think you are good enough for her, and I realised this before you mentioned it. However, you don't want to change yet, your desire to stay the same bad boy until at least 5 years more, overrides your desire to keep this wonderful woman.

I don't know if I am just being naive again, but I believe some parts of your story, as I believe it is possible to let someone go that you know is a great woman. However, I don't know if it shows that you never truly loved her at all. I say this because, people are selfish by nature and who made you a hero? Your ex wants to be with you, and you claim you love her, but are not good enough, well she thinks you are, but you break up because? ? You want to offer her as a sacrifice to the other 'better' brothers. That is where your story doesn't seem to make full sense, can you really live knowing and accepting that you are below her? That you should go and settle for a bad girl, who won't make you feel so bad for being with her? Who won't make you want to be a better man, who is a lot younger than you so that you can marry a young woman at the age of ~30 when you're ready?

Seems to me that you just love the idea of a young bride.

There are other things you are not telling us, I have been in your ex's position and heard the ex tell my friend how 'he's letting me go, so I don't get hurt, because he knew he was a compulsive cheater.' Looking back, the guy must have thought he was a hero, 'letting me go' like that, because he wasn't willing to work on his problem, nor was I a convincing reason enough to even attempt to.
It's a combination of so many things, please explain more reasons why you broke up with her, right now it's going to be hard for a lot of people to digest that you, a human being, have decided to take the supposedly selfless route and let your swan go and find her true mate.

Are you quite insecure deep down inside (sorry to ask), but you don't trust that you are good enough for her, and maybe you don't think you ever will be. Man, if I found and amazing guy, I would thank God that he thought I was just as amazing. Sometimes it can be overwhelming though, to be loved like that.

Last question; have you told her everything about your past/games/conquests/life? Seems like maybe she might not know you're a bad boy, and maybe you've disguised it well throughout the relationship and have gotten worn out pretending. .
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[color=#008855]Depends why you two broke up, how much you feel tied to him. To be honest, it doesn't seem like you like him too much, since you are here asking us, whether you should get back with him.

This is confusing because usually, when you offload emotional baggage on someone you feel connected to them, did you not miss him when you broke up with him? Did you not wish to have him back, for at least a few months afterwards, do you feel like you can't replace him?

I believe the goal in life is to try and achieve the best, the best person for you. Seems like yours is just the case of him taking time to see:
- if he could do better than you,
- 'hang out' (put politely) with some other girl he thought was better than you,
- if he didn't need a girlfriend to tie him down.

But obviously he has missed you SO much and has now re-established contact because he wants you back in his life. If you feel like you need to ask him some questions, here's your chance because once the relationship starts you may not have time to bring it up and the cycle could repeat.

I still don't know why you two broke up. .

*claps for Monicaa, I love it when they beg!! Also nice profile pic *
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mida:
For a start, i think i like your gut.you have a realistic view of
what goes on within the mind of the ladies when guys break up with them.
What i guessed pushed your guy to quit was insensitivity on your path,rather
than letting the wind of your feelings affect the situation he was in at that moment, you are
applying pressure and may be too much pressure, just like any natural system they can explode when
too much of it is applied.And to comment on the fast part of your post, i guess it will be double damage
breaking up with a girl-which definitely hurts-and still state why or what she did wrong to have done that.
Or don't you think so,

[color=#008855]I believe it's all relative, though I am not quite sure which example you are referring to exactly, whether you are using my personal or the scenarios I used.
What I mean by relative is that, too much pressure could be calling to see if he's not killed himself lol, I didn't know he wanted to end things, and I know you guys on NL really want to believe that our relationship was fine, but I think he had planned all along to breakup when he was about to travel. I only saw this afterwards. The stories I was fed was that he was very confused about his course, his life, has a lot to think about, and upon visiting him, he was sat in the dark, acting all depressed. "Oh sweety, are you okay?" - and I've pushed it too far. . hmmm, it's all relative. I certainly hounded nobody with calls or texts, in fact we didn't speak for almost a week until he called back. It's good for a girl to know her worth and some people may say it's okay for a guy to treat his 'beloved' like this, because the girlfriend is going through a 'probation' period or he is just going through somethings, but I know what I would do, if I truly loved someone, I would reassure them that they are not the source for my problems, I may ask for some time out, but I will keep them aware that they are not to blame.

Breaking up AND telling the person what they did wrong would be worse you ask? Well, for me if the guy was a terrible boyfriend, I would be no more than eager to get all the crap I've put up with off my chest. If he sincerely didn't mean to be terrible, I would tell him only if he wanted to know. Most of us are adults here, and even women *surprise surprise* can handle the truth. It might hurt but the truth is the only thing that can bring revelations which can lead to change.
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[color=#008855]@ Topic, I don't agree with the whole idea of power in a relationship. I believe the power should be shared, at times the man will make the decision, at times the female depending on which issue it is.

If this is simply a discussion about women being fake to lure men, but really we are ruthless and vicious, then aren't those the 'qualities' I have heard over and over again as a requirement for leadership.

In a world where women cannot readily assume power over men, maybe what it takes is some tactic, after all, we can't just sit there and expect everyone to fall at our knees. Whether we are discussing the tactics some women use; showing cleavage, dating bosses, flirting and wearing provocative clothing could be a different issue, but we can't say women in the business realm have caused a lot of problems, because the men-powered business world in the past had its own sets of problems too.

In relationships, like I said before, it depends, sometimes a very determined and focused attitude (at all costs attitude) can be what saves a relationship. I watched a woman who sincerely loved her man, on tv not long ago, and she is sole force pushing him to give up smoking and binge drinking, because she wanted them to be able to achieve their dream of starting a family together and him living long enough to see his children marry etc. . on his own, the guy may have no real push, but she gives him what he wants, which automatically puts her in a good position to ask for what she wants. This is how ALL relationships are like, you give and take, you can't give all the time or take all the time.
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[color=#008855]Yes, I agree, you need to understand both sides, because the story seems weak.

He hasn't told you any lessons he learnt from the first marriage, nor has he really defined where he went wrong, and everybody goes wrong somewhere. Also, in Nigeria, even in this very day and age, it's not the 'in' thing to divorce and move on and it is a very big decision to divorce when you already have two children.

I believe you shouldn't string along your constant boyfriend, because if this relationship with the divorcee ends or you find a flaw, will that mean that you become re-attracted to your current 'boyfriend'?

If you decide to be truthful, you can find the answers you seek, but makesure that you are well informed, this should not be a story of 'once I married him, I found out the other side of the story'. Ask the woman he divorced, and unless she seems like a very irrational person, there will be some element of truth to the story.

I think you shouldn't be with either guy if I had to be honest, the first one probably had the wandering eyes syndrome and got distracted during the course of the long distance relationship and maybe just wanting to be with you now because the fun is over and 'it's time to get serious' and he has been able to make the rational decision which your heart is refusing to let you make.

2 things:
- find out if you truly love your current boyfriend and can find love again,
- find out the other side of the story AND his secrets.[/color]

[color=#008855]Aww, my heart aches for you. Honestly, though the power of parents can be strong if the girl absolutely loves her mother. Since you are currently in the US you can't do what I was going to advice you to do. (Visit her mother and father).

Instead, you are still going to have to realise that this situation requires a clever strategy, as it's not just as simple as 'we're in love', though you love someone, someone who has always been there for you i.e. mother, who you have seen go through hell can make a pretty convincing argument. I believe you should make a phone call to her mother, if you haven't already introduced yourself, do so now, politely and formally, you are interested in marrying her daughter, then you list all the reasons why, and the aim is not to convince her to let you be with her daughter, but the aim is to get her to like you, and sympathise with you, that it is not your fault that you are abroad. Try not to mention that you are aware about her maritial problems, before she states them to you, as that will surely make her feel like you've been doing some underground research.

Just call her and let her know you are willing to do** anything she says (within reason) to marry her daughter, if it means that you have to report to her also regularly, or whether you have to maintain a friendship with her mother. One thing though, is before you even attempt this call, you should have the future figured out. You're probably young and you might not be sure what the future will hold, but be** honest and outline your basic goals in life, because she will surely ask the 'what if' questions.

All the best, keep us posted.
God Bless
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[color=#008855]Ooooooooooooo I'm so sorry for you, your girlfriend has been taking advantage of you. I certainly think that you should dump her, because she doesn't understand the gravity of what she has done, you love her, and almost unconditionally to the point where you let her kiss random guys (a big no no). Your love was not reciprocated and she has been keeping you on the shelf whilst she's been having fun with other guys.

Who is to know what she's really been doing with those other guys;

- 1. Sperm can't survive outside of the human body, so even if he masturbated over her, unless if somehow the sperm was inserted into her vagina would she be able to get pregnant, and though I don't want to incriminate someone who could possibly be 'innocent'. I do strongly believe that she had intercourse with that guy, certainly unprotected.

Anyways, without losing sight of the original issue, she should have betrayed your trust by now right? I mean, though you really love her, can you trust her when she says she's in 'bed' or she's only kissed a guy? Can you stick with someone who is carrying someone elses' baby and might even be with you because the other guy rejected to take responsibility?

You deserve MUCH better, and there are women out there who won't even think of doing such things to their guys.

Don't sell yourself short, think about things in the long run, if you leave her, your heart will eventually be restored, but if you stay, you will be further investing your heart and efforts into a situation that won't benefit you, and might actually take away from your happiness.

All the best in your decision.
God Bless. 
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[color=#008855]Be faithful to her, if she's been there for you all these years, then that'll be such a wonderful gift.
You'll be a better judge at finding out what she likes, don't worry about the cost too much, she doesn't sound like a shallow person.

You can even make her something, or give her a day that everything is just the way she likes it.
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[color=#008855]Hehehe! But definitely lust, and falling out! *still in denial*
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[color=#008855]Yeah, they're human after all
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binkles:
Kewl, is there like some kind of cultural thing regarding this issue?

[color=#008855]Of course, since they're not of the same culture. But if she has lived in UK long enough to be a Brit and isn't too fussy about her culture, then there's an even greater chance of her dating another brit, whether white, asian . . .

If she was very traditional though, it's still possible, it's just complicated about what parts of your traditions to merge together and what to discard and what to keep separate
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[color=#008855]Thanks Exstar, I'm not a councellor or a love doc (though I wouldn't mind being one), but even if I was one, it doesn't change the fact I could be wrong at times.

Minimynimo, how did my response make you change your mind?? What would your initial response have been to this situation? . . . Just curious
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[color=#008855]
*Maybe it's wanting what you can't have, and enjoying the challenge.

*Maybe, their scared that you might be gone from them forever if they don't breakup your current relationship before wedding bells appear.

*What other people said, there's this certain confidence from a girl who is loved and in a secure relationship, especially if both the people in the relationship benefit from each other and feed each other. Being loved makes anyone feel special, and when meeting the other single ex, it makes you feel that much better lol.

"At least I'm not lonely like you!"
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springss:
@Topup, there’s really no ‘silver bullet’ for an ex. It all depends on a lot of complex factors. How one feels about the ex – still attracted to him/her or not?  Level of loneliness –  is there a new person on the scene or just wallowing in a depressed state? Anger – is there still anger or has it cooled off? Memories – are there thousands of pleasant memories that just can’t get out of one’s mind or thousand of horror memories that continue to haunt? Strength – how strongly can you resist the sound of the other person’s voice, or their presence? Intimacy – was the relationship very intimate or not. Sex – were you up on cloud nine or down in the dumps? Others; money, spirituality, compassion, etc

People try so many tactics: rudeness, avoidance, denial, aggression, jumping ship to spite the other person, pretence, etc. In the end it all depends on the individuals concerned and their level of tolerance and/or self-control.

For me avoidance is the most effective, but extremely difficult if the feelings are still strong. Over time though, with avoidance one can begin to gain better self-control. Avoidance works only if there are other things to occupy one’s mind, otherwise one will get caught up in a vicious cycle. Some people I know try to evoke a feeling of hate. However, hate is not the opposite of love. See, people still stand a good chance of reconciliation with anyone that hates them. There’s a thin line between love and hate, they say. So it’s easy to cross over. Indifference is really the opposite of love. We stand little to no chance with people who feel indifferent towards us. When one gets to feel indifferent towards an ex, it’s truly over…

[color=#008855]This is SO good it sounds like an extract out of a book. Yeah, there are no 'perfect' answers or 'sure techniques'. Yup, right now I have NOTHING to do, though I have a lot of work, I have no lectures to attend, no friends to meet up, all that will change next week and I'll be back to my usual - not having time to even discuss or mention his name.

Nonetheless, I think he too does the same thing . When he's bored (i.e. holidays) he'll call, otherwise it's 'party with the boys'. I kinda feel for that side of him that's vulnerable (being lonely and calling me ).

Anyways, good advice. Looking forward to more and more wisdom (and no I'm not writing a book).

I wonder how one separates a genuine missing of the ex from lonliness, will I feel the same when in a relationship with STUD A?? I guess only time, trial and error works. Maybe one day we'll stop playing games, funny thing is I don't hate him but I'm not indifferent to him either, so what am I?

I love-d him, but the feelings were based on the person I got to know, (which might have been a side of him) but I was completely different to the guy I met after the breakup and during the demise of the relationship.
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[color=#008855]Wow, you didn't speak for 9 months?!?!

I was going to say that it depended on how you two ended, but NO!

You've mentioned that you refuse to leave your current boyfriend, well no need to test your word by putting yourself in such situations. Ask him what he wants to chat about, and if it's just to apologise (depending how you two broke up) I think he could do it over the phone. Ask why he has to make the visit to you, because you never know what 'traps' or 'tricks' he might have in stall to remind you of what you two had and make you possibly crave it, even if you don't want to return to him, you'll be wasting your time thinking about how to deal with your ex instead of focusing on being with your current.

I'm hoping for all the best.

Who cares what his intentions are, they are very unlikely to be completely innocent, and can't he chat with you over the phone?

If you do meet him, make some excuse to say that your current boyfriend and you have an appointment so you can leave before anybody gets carried away.

******

This has reminded me of a topic I started about obtaining closure . I don't know why I assume the girl was the one most hurt by the breakup? - Maybe it's because this guy is the one to initiate the 'get together', and the fact she's moved on and maybe his 'candy' left him or didn't work out.

Anyways, if he wants to apologise, it would be cool if you could find it in yourself to let him have a settled conscience, if he wants to get you back, you can always laugh in his face which is sweet, but you have to be really strong and sure in your new guy to be completely unaffected by the get together, you don't have to want him back, for the memories to flood back etc. .

All the best

Keep us informed.
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[color=#cc0066]It's between weighing up this 'love' you have for each other against losing your family.

I hope this isn't a case of Romeo and Juliet, where you think your love is something 'never experienced before' because, unless you believe your love will withstand ANYTHING I think you should seriously re-consider going further.

I know you'll be upset, and you probably won't see the light at the end of the tunnel, but really how much are you willing to sacrifice for each other, she too might lose her family, and then it is you and her, starting your family, alone. Who knows you're lives might even be threatened. At the same time, if you two love each so much are your families willing to do this 'under the low'/secretly?[/color]