₦airaland Forum

Sisi Jinx:
This was a very good topic well but seriously, how much can you say about closure when nobody but you can give it to yourself?

He broke up with you, you expect him to give you a detailed manifesto on the whys, hows, and whens and until he does, you don't want to move on.

Quite frankly, it seems it's not about him not giving you want you want anymore. . .  it is about you needing an excuse to dwell on what is done.  I'm sorry to say this but your innate need to be validated by this guy is why you aren't getting any closure.

Why not use his thoughtlessness for not giving you a "legitimate" reason for the break up as closure,  A sort of good riddance to bad rubbish thing?

I say wash your hands off the whole sordid affair, pat yourself on the back and I know you are better off!

[color=#cc0066]Because, everybody makes mistakes. On my way to closure, I was thinking about other guys, I was peeking on his facebook page less often, and feeling great, keeping myself busy and then WHAM! The dreaded text message that puts him at the top of my priority list, when he sends a message that shows he 'wants to talk'. Of course I ignored it, but I sincerely believed that there would be a phone call or another text, but nothing.

I am naturally analytical so I analyse everything, not just this relationship, you see, there's no drama in my life, as in things are moving so, and so unfortunately for me, this teeny issue has been bumped up to the top of my list again.

Can you get closure when the other person seems to want to talk to you. Yeah, I can do that whole ignoring him for the rest of my life thing BUT I actually desire to be friends with him. I don't believe I should have any exs I can't talk to, but people have free will and can be nightmares.
[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Yeah, because it's not that bad, and worst comes to worst, keep some mints near the bedside [/color]

netotse:
thot we were making progress yesterdaynow it seems we've derailed. . .

aren't we tired of doing boys vs gels?. . .i know i got tired of that long ago!

[color=#cc0066]I thought the same, I think the points slowly disintegrating. It's not about boys Vs girls, it's about going through a breakup and needing closure, or not needing it.

It's not about who's at fault, to be honest I don't care if I'm at fault even, as long as I know what's the deal. I don't like being left in the dark and some personal investigations (not stalking) could lead to giving him an impression that I'm obsessive or 'crazy'.

That was the initial point - and it applies to girls too![/color]

[color=#cc0066]Yup, it could happen to anyone, and we should just treat people the way we want to be cheated. Everyone has a guilty conscience (I hope) and if you don't get your just deserts, your conscience may haunt you forever!![/color]

[color=#cc0066]Who is guseman?[/color]

[color=#cc0066]I would also like to outline that yes, if we are talking about the longevity of a relationship, then yes, it can be seen as my fault why the relationship ended;
1) I broke it off.
2) I wanted to confront the problem & help out however I could rather than pretend everything was A ok.

If I had let things lie, we might still be together, but we'd;
a) Both be really unhappy and living a lie
b) I'd been even unhappier as I did not do myself justice and stand up for myself - as when someone does not share their feelings with you but claims to be emotionally involved with you, it's confusing, can be offensive and painful to just stand there and watch.

Yes in that case Olanajim I caused the demise of the relationship, however, if we had to look at who instigated the problem, it certainly wasn't me. Was it a crime to do myself justice, tell me. .[/color]

olanajim:
@Topup,
some guys, like yours sincerely like problems to solve itself. I must admit that is one area I am reputed for. Rather than waste my time brooding over a problem, I will ponder over the consequence of doing nothing and doing foolish thing. Whatever is more favourable is what I will choose. In most cases, I simply let the problem solve itself.

The guy obviously had an issue that is eating him. He wanted you but didn't want to offend you. It is possible he already know the consequence of telling you the whole truth. So his own choice was to withdraw. It may not be that he enjoy it. Somehow, you have got to know that like davidylan said such issue required communication.

[b]If I were to use my own intuition, I will say that you are part of the problem! [/b]I am sure this will jolt you and other ladies out there. But then, it is the truth.

YOU MUST HAVE INADVERTENTLY TALKED YOURSELF INTO MAKING HIM SECRETIVE! Think very deeply about that statement and you will find the wisdom behind it. It is contentious but it is true!

[color=#cc0066]I don't blame you if you choose never to side with a female in an argument lol!

In the above statement, you and I both agree that the guy was probably immature and had problem that he may have known the consequence of telling me about, and we agree that communication would have helped things greatly (which I sought, but did not receive).

What I don't understand is the need for the last three sentences. Why must it have been my fault? If you convince me then fine, bu you can't just make statements without evidence, I am past that stage where I just do as I am told, I need to be convinced, you haven't convinced me throughout your argument, you just basically concluded that it was my fault. It's people like you that got you doubting myself in the first place and requesting opinions of others, especially when I know I did not bring on anything that happened to me, it happened basically because of our incompatiblity, I will accept that, but I will never accept that it was my fault - especially without no reasons to prove so.

P.s. is there need for intuition when the story was outlined for you before and all the facts are there for you to see.[/color]

onyinye2:
Well top up. . . . . . I was actually referring to David but hey it is all good.

Oka about the comment in your post about the tears. . . . . ummmmmm yeah I don't do well with tears. Anyways I do get what you are trying to say but personally I think a person can only take so much. Me if I know that I'm just holding someone back and I'm going through some internal things at the time, I might as well let them go and let them enjoy what life has to offer.

[color=#cc0066]And who knows if a lot of people didn't do just that, I'm sure if someone told you that they were breaking up with you because they felt that they were holding you back and they wanted you to enjoy what life had to offer, you wouldn't believe them, human beings are selfish, if we love someone we won't let them go, we'll work harder to keep them, work out our problems, but keep them with us throughout. Now, you let someone go when you don't love them, I think it's Hollywood that has made us believe that if you love someone SO much, you will let them go no matter how much it hurts, lot, I haven't seen a single case in which that is the case. Even wife beaters beg their wives to come back to them.

Nonetheless if you are able to let them go, that's good of you, but if I was a guy I wouldn't believe that excuse![/color]

[color=#cc0066]Wow, what a story Adam, that was one heck of crazy night, now she took revenge to the extreme, what did you do, what didn't you do??] Who knows but she obviously thought it was worth risking her life for, what some people will do to make a stupid point. I agree with H202 here, some simple communication would have solved everything, or might have at least prevented her venturing out to her doom, and if everything went well, often communication brings you closer.

Guys have you done anything crazy before? There's crazy as in - not really crazy but could seem stalkerish or possessive, and there's crazy as in - driving a car at 100mph towards an incoming vehicle because you just had an argument with your boyfriend (who's sat in the car with you).

I must say that the above examples have nothing to do with my original topic - which was just simply about appearing to be too clingy after breakups.[/color]

onyinye2:
Oka I'm sort of confused??

So oka when a guy is having one of his "moments" and just feels like being left alone, so then what those the women do? Just lounge around and hope he will come around and is released from his "moment"??

How long are these women suppose to wait??

[color=#cc0066]I hope you were referring to me in this reply and not previous posts by olanajim or netotse, because I admit I was a little confused about the points when I read them.

If you were replying to me then. .

Putting this as nice as possible, you're kind of turning it into a guys versus girls thing. I know my original topic title refers to guys, but that's because I am a girl, with the above example, girls do this too. Everyone does, in every type of relationship, let's say your best friend who's a guy had to go into hospital for some life-saving/dangerous/risky operation, and you felt you had no one to talk to. As it is a load on your mind, you carry it around and you may not be aware that you haven't repied your boyfriend's texts, but he is left wondering why she is 'ignoring' him.

I trust everyone in this forum has reasonable judgement and is not that slow that they can't understand when someone has put them on the bench, but sometimes it is worth at least attempting to disect and understand the situation before any rash decisions are made. What if the guy needs you. It could well be one of those scenarios when you ask someone 'Are you okay' and they say 'Yeah, I'm fine.', but if you ask again, they break into tears and let you hear everything and you get closer and help them through it.[/color]

netotse:
_{noting the exact sequence of the actions and jotting them down before turning of laptop and going to bed}

night y'all. . .(its more like moning tho)

[color=#cc0066]Don't be having sinful dreams now!![/color]

[color=#cc0066]Sisi jinx, let's say you're in the early phase of a relationship and you don't feel you can tell your boyfriend something that is so deep that is affecting you so much, or you are waiting for the right time to tell him. He takes this silence/stillness and awkardness as a sign that you no longer want to carry on with the relationship, and he just packs his bags and leaves. . [/color]

H2O2:
Please be sure to let the man you're in a relationship with know this.
The guy might still be very much interested in the relationship, even if your peripherals force you to think otherwise.
Communication is an oft-undervalued tool for success in relationships.

[color=#cc0066]Lol, I'm a geek, so I found that funny!

So we drift through our relationships how?:

Friend of So and So  :"So Mrs. So and So, when was the last time you and your husband spoke."
Mrs. So and So         : "Oh, when he asked me out on our first date."

*looks at new posts*

Ooooh, what did you do?[/color]

[color=#cc0066]@ onyinye2, good for you. That was a good insight!

Yes, I don't think I was quite whole at the time, I was about 80%, I don't believe in the half things, but I am so sorry guys, I might seem biased, but really I think the guy was like 40%, he always told me, that he knew the right girl would change him. So a) he wanted to change and b) he was depending on the girl to do the work. So when he realised that he had to do work himself/he wasn't changing like he wanted to change, he withdrew.

Does that sound like a plausable explanation?[/color]

Sisi Jinx:
Topup
Did you cheat on him?[color=#cc0066]No[/color]
Did you belittle him?[color=#cc0066]Maybe if you can somehow twist complimenting him regularly and calling him a stud (though he never thought he was) into belittling him, then yes, but that's pretty paranoid. He was my stud.[/color]
Were you always there when he needed you?[color=#cc0066]Yes, I often drove to his place in early hours in the morn to spend my free time with him.[/color]
Did you treat him right (don't count mini fights as part of not treating him right because every relationship has one)[color=#cc0066]I treated him better than right. I didn't wait for him to start treating me good before I started treating him good, I believed he would realise that I was a genuine girl and would lose his suspicions. I have to say he did ask a few random questions. If I complimented him, he'd sometimes look at me as if I am lying to him, if I told him that he made me happy, he'd be surprised, and when I told him I didn't dance with other guys he didn't seem to absolve the info.[/color]
In your heart of hearts, are you comfortable with yourself as a girlfriend?[color=#cc0066]Yes, but I never knew my heart had a heart. Cool! Lol, sorry stupid joke![/color]

In my opinion, these are the questions you ought to as yourself to get your closure. I'm sorry but it sound to me like you are waiting for a guy to validate your feelings, almost as if you are waiting for him to give you a stamp of approval that you did everything right [color=#cc0066]yes, you're right.[/color]and any Psychology 101 student will tell you women who constantly seek a guy's validation or validation from others for that matter, come off as being uncomfortable with themselves (this can also be a turn off for some people) [color=#cc0066]I completely agree with this, but the funny thing is every other validates me, and my guy friends get really angry when I even waste my breath on talking about him. I don't want to sound vain, but my guy friends make me fel great, they always give me attention and I feel like a gorgeous, loving, caring, desired girl, and then the problem comes when you feel you can have your pick, and the guy you do pick, from the get go everybody told you was below you, you didn't listen to them, and the relationship ends for some reason or the other, and you wonder why yet everyone else says you're amazing, you're this, you're that, that the ONLY guy who's opinion mattered (at the time) rejected you. That's the truth, I hate sounding vain, but that's the base of it.[/color]

You are an intelligent lady, trust your instinct which tells you that you were a good girlfriend and short of killing yourself for him, there was nothing more you could have done and MOVE ON!! [color=#cc0066]Thank you.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Whoops I think those questions were retorical. . [/color]

[color=#cc0066]Hmmm. . TopUp wonders how Pataki knew that she knew the meaning of 'verbiage', especially when the first time he 'said the word, she had to quickly go on freedictionary.com . . (though she initially thought it was a mix of the words 'verbal' and 'garbage').

Nonetheless, Peace

*I'll join Pataki's fan club *

P.s. I changed my wording from 'scared' to anxious. My vocabulary needs an upgrade.[/color]

davidylan:
topup, shldnt you be studying instead of worrying about boys?  

[color=#cc0066]It would be wise for you to cease stalking me this minute! Yes, I have a ton of work, but I am a keen prayer lol [/color]

Sisi Jinx:
One question I've been meaning to ask is this - Why do you assume the other person can give you closure? As a child,, my dad used tell me nobody can make you feel what you don't want to feel, you can't control what people do or say but you can control how you react to what they do or say (he told me this because I was a fighter child and I would come home and say lagbaja made me angry so I had stick a nail in his football ).

At first it didn't make sense to me, especially when someone went out of their way to make me mad but with time, I realize it is doable, YOU choose the way you will react, YOU HAVE THAT CONTROL and NO ONE CAN TAKE THAT AWAY FROM YOU. . . which is why I don't understand all this other party has to give me closure before I can get the closure I need talk.

If there is a need for closure. . . I closure it myself!! 

[color=#cc0066]Hehe, yeah I do that too!! I try it with my mum, I tell her, that she chooses whether to take my comments personally or not, that she is the one getting herself all worked up about nothing, but erm. . unfortunately it doesn't always work.
Someone tells me I'm fat. I don't have to get upset, but there is no way at turning that around, unless I change the meaning of fat to mean 'plump irresistable goddess.'

If I am even given something to work with, I'll work with it, right now I'm working with silence. The only thing is my ex told me that 'I don't think I can commit to you.' (his words), now I could change that to mean. . 'Damn, gurl, you're just too much woman for me to handle.' or 'I went soul searching and I realised that I am no match for you.' lol. But let's be realistic, it basically means that nothing in me, my persona or whatever has convinced him to want to stick with me, this doesn't necessarily mean that I'm a terrible girlfriend, it just means we're not suited, as I am no longer making an impact on him. There's really no other way to it unfortunately.

Hehe, it's funny to twist things![/color]

[color=#cc0066]The thing is I haven't gotten closure myself on my last two relationships, and the last one hit home the hardest because along with behaviour that would suggest that he wans't into me, was a cocktail of behaviour that suggested that I had seriously had an effect on this guy's life, so it was not black and white. I was left confused.

I think the reason why I myself place such an emphasis on closure is because without it, I end up behaving in a way I don't like, I don't like being all bitter about my ex, and I guess in my mind I don't think anything he tells me I did wrong will hurt that bad (but who knows, maybe I was a lying, fat, stealing, anoerexic LovePeddler!)

Anyways, without closure I am bitter, a little angry still and confused, and when people ask about the ex I am unable to say too many positive things, I don't like being a hater, and without closure I am left being just that. In my case that is anyways. I feel if we had a talk about what happened I can accept what happened, let my worries and frustrations out and I believe I will actually be okay with accepting that 'he wanted to chase his academic goals first' or ' didn't want to get tied down to one girl'. I am okay with the truth because I understand a guy's perspective, especially as I too am not all for the lovey dovey - until the end of time pretence non-married couples have. Relationships are hard and I understand that too. You see, if I haven't already proved this to you guys, I am a very reasonable person, and I think I deserved an explanation.

I don't want to keep telling people 'I don't know what happened.' or 'He just left me'. I sound bitter, and if I throw in a laugh I sound crazy (cookie) too. . *sighs*[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Thanks netotse. I think I'm learning SO SO much from this topic, and that always pleases me !

@ Pataki, I was so anxious whilst reading your reply, I believe you have managed to manipulate this thing so that for some reason, you leave me puzzled when I am about to reply. Don't ask why. Somewhat of a fatherly/teacher figure to me anyways. .

Good points made, and it seems every discussion in this forum basically agrees that 'Men and women, both ac strangely at times.' 'It is unfair to say men have a particular trait, or women have a particular trait.' 'We should all try to become better people'. 'Everyone is different'. I just thought I'd open up a can of worms (as always), because I'm tired of politician answers.

I wonder how many times you read through your replies, because I rarely can fault them, though at times I am able to sense a slight bit of tension behind the points you make, but it's all good.

OMGosh. . is TopUp rambling?

P.s. I know what Verbiage means, be careful with that one![/color]

davidylan:
Anytime i see pink i don't even bother to look at the ID anymore . . . it just has to be topup.
Your write-ups are quite cool though, for a young woman you certainly have had way more experience with romance than so many of us. How do you do it?  

[color=#cc0066]I am too over-analytical for my own good, that's how. I think you can learn a lot about romance and love and relationships, through our simple friendships and almost everything around us. After all, relationships are just interactions between two close people. I've had many more friends than boyfriends, and some I loved dearly and some I didn't. This realisation came to me once when a friend of mine just disappeared from my life, she got closer to another friend and moved on, I couldn't quite understand why I was so upset, why my heart almost bled for the loss, surely only heartbreak, guys and breakups make you feel this way. Well, it's not quite black and white. I loved her so dearly, she knew so much about me but she chose to move on and neglect our relationship.

Also, my parents argue A LOT! And unlike the conventional way to do things, where you don't involve the kids, my parents have always made us choose sides, right from the age of ~ 7 and I regularly give advice to my mum .

Yes, you learn from mistakes, they don't have to be your own though [/color]

davidylan:
Mrs Pink!

[color=#cc0066]I am eating humble pie as I say this; "I may have over done it with the essays "[/color]

KarmaMod:
TopUp

sarcasm my dear child

[color=#cc0066]I must admit that I was a little confused as I know you are extremely up to date, but I thought I shouldn't judge or assume [/color]

Pataki:
You started your write-up so well. Quite interesting to read. However, you have a biased conclusion. I expected that after stating your observation regarding women who are so obsessed with CLOSURE, your conclusion will be directed to respective parties (male and female).

That said, you are right in your own view and I reason with you. But in my own opinion, it is best at times, to let issues die away with time. The lady may not reason along that line, but over time she would see that closure to the matter was the best solution to setting one another free from the emotional hurt.

[color=#cc0066]Lol, you didn't agree with one line, so my whole write-up ended so badly? Anyways, yes, I will admit to bias, though I make personal efforts not to be, or more correctly, not to appear so.

With the part in bold, devastating issues don't die with time, we are able to put them aside and get on with our lives, but I can say almost everyone remembers that guy or girl who screwed them over, some people when they talk about the first heartbreak they had, get a sharp pain in their 'heart' - basically, they remember vividly their ordeal. I still believe that maybe if you have both tried to reason with each other and are too stubborn to come to any conclusions that yes, maybe accept it and let it lie. But I am specifically considering the disappearing act. To free yourself from a relationship, knowing that the other person still wants to know the answers. If he/she begs for the truth, let them have it. Sometimes maybe there are no excuses, maybe my ex didn't want me to know that he never did quit smoking, never could, and continually flirted with other girls leading to him being in lots of compromising situations. The only person I think who if that was kept secret would benefit is him. Maybe, some guys don't give you closure because it means they would have to admit their fault, that they were a terrible boyfriend, maybe they would have to admit that they could have done better, that they are a liar, cheat, undeserving. You would lose all respect for them, all pity, and may never want to speak to them again. We say that these people just want to move on and be left alone, but if that is the case, then why is it that when I finally moved on and didn't contact for 5 months, that he is sending me messages to say hello?? If anyone is running away from the problem is it him not me.

Please guys don't take THIS too personally, I'm female and I am writing from my perspective, swap the guys for girls if you wish for it to apply to you, it still works!
[/color]

KarmaMod:
what the hell is a "gels"

[color=#cc0066]Girls, but used in the way you use, chick, babe.[/color]

netotse:
u gels don't kno 'woman business is serious business', wots wrong if a brother has a probation period?,

as for keeping malice u gels win d nobel prize o, exmaple

boy: wots d matter, u seem distracted
gel: nothing

later in the night if u are wise enough to realise she was lying,
she nows tells u bout somefink u did 5days ago that she doesnt like(come 1st y wont we be putting gels on probation when they pull stunts like this)

[color=#cc0066]Keeping malice and this 'probation period' aren't the same so you can't really compare. A woman keeps malice because you have hurt her feelings and she wants to make a point, rather than sit down and pretend  everything's okay.

As described by yourself above, a guy goes into probation because. .
I actually didn't quite get it, there really wasn't any concrete reasons which you gave as to why a guy just SHUTS OFF ON HIS 'BELOVED' GIRLFRIEND. Apart from the fact that compared to a malice, she has done nothing wrong, and it is a personal issue which he himself needs time and space to sort out.

I think a guy's probation is taking out his own issues on the girl, surely if you care for her, you will just explain what has been bugging you, even if it means telling her that you are a paranoid, nymphomaniac, paedophile, murderer, goat molester or whatever.

If you truly care for your girlfriend you will let her know what's up, so she's not left to her own thoughts, because as you guys can testify (when using  malice for example), that can be torture![/color]

[color=#cc0066]Wow I am shocked by the responses, and I will disect them as follows lol (I'm ready for ya!!!)[/color]

netotse:
yes, u freaked the poor(?) dude out, can't say i fully understand d dynamics but the way its supposed to work is that knowing that the pretty, smart sexy lady (in some cases, not all)that u fell in love(?) with is outside your cave waiting for u will ensure u don't stay in der unnecessarily, but if she bugs u, u automatically withdraw, and that could mess things up, and as u shld well kno(u seem like the smart type) once u freak someone out more than once it usually distorts the rhythm so the person might jst always carry vestiges of the spooked someting even when the person has cooled off, and when u now withdraw wot runs through a guys mind is 'ok this gel is not alrite first she was bugging me now she has gone cold turkey she should make up her mind' and d next thing is 'y are gels so unstable' den wot do we have, -yes u're right a crazy unstable gel

[color=#cc0066]I might quite enjoy reading the book btw. But first; I am trying my hardest not to be biased BUT I agree I spooked the guy out, but I don't think he deserves all the credit you're giving him. As if all his moves were justified and sensible. None of them were!! First of all, no matter how many times I am told how guys tend to withdraw, I still think it is lame (I'm getting quite into this debate now). It is lame, I feel sorry for them and I have so many guy friends, one who even advice that I call the at-the-time boyfriend and let him know I've been feeling unwanted and such. That is failure on his part, I should not have to seek for reassurance that I am a good girlfriend. I apologise though because you did mention that you did not know the dynamics of the relationship. Well, more info? > > 1 single month into the relationship, the guy calls, crying on the phone, 'We need to talk' Of course I am freaked out but I am a rational human being who knows that sometimes people can be overwhelmed by emotions and don't rush to judge him. I am sleeping by the way and he calls and suddenly starts proposing plans for the future, for us, how he has never felt this way before. Then about a month later he is barely calling. I have seen it before, withdrawal, I knew something was bugging him, so I initially started sending texts, I prayed for him, I carried out all the visits to his place, and because his withdrawal coincided with his exams I gave him some space, he'd text once every 3 or so days, with a distant, 'Hope your ok xx' and I'd respond immediately reassuring him 'Yeah, just keep working hard, don't worry about me.' A male friend even told me that I needed to shout at him, but I protected this guy, because I gave him the benefit of doubt that he was going through some major things.

After the exams, he promised to be the boyfriend he was before, and said he'd take me out, he never did, and I never complained (I sold myself so short during this relationship, you would not believe people!!) Eventually after another 2 weeks of what I could barely call a relationship, he called and I finally plucked up the courage to ask why he was so 'busy', even his friends were asking me where he was and asking me to pass on messages, but he became defensive.

A month later, he was almost back to himself and he told me he loved me.
A week after that he was barely talking to me again (now tell me I'm the one who's freaking him out). Then I initiated a talk, because I could take it no longer, and he told me, we were drifting apart, and I knew it was over then, so I broke it off.

Now, I'm sure you can't blame me if I say that the blame was in his direction, inability to communicate whatever he was going through, and inability to deal with the situation himself. What a man!  [/color]

netotse:
@topup, nice font colour!
a guy withdrawing doesnt mean he's going to break up soon,
with guys there's always a withdrawal that follows a period of closeness(or lovey-dovey)the guy that wrote men are from mars women are from venus wrote about it, he called it going into the cave(abi retreating) wot cld because the break up is if the gel now starts bugging him(because she's wondering y d sudden withdrawal), its due to the fact that we're different, it even happens between guys sometimes u start to feel somehow about a person then u withdraw for a bit and then after things get back to normal, u get?


_{noticed there aren;t so many boys here and besides one of my friends checked my profile and remarked that i spend all my time in d romance section so am trying to spread out, so i'm on the low,}

[color=#cc0066]Lol, at the part in bold.

Yeah, you're right, I understand that people withdraw all the time, for different reasons, like I know my ex withdrew because he was uncertain about some things, I guess I bugged him, but that is because I really wanted to let him know that I am concerned about him, if your beloved doesn't call you once in a week, when usually he calls you everyday, and you do not even point it out or make a fuss, doesn' that seem strange, I didn't want to be walked all over, and I desperately wanted him to let me share his burden. I made that clear, initially I was trying to cheer him up with jokes, texts, messages, I even insisted we go to a quite romantic place to clear his head, I took a step back and stopped bugging him, but then he withdrew even further, and didn't call at all. After asking him what was up and I admit I tried guessing things, which could have made it worse, asking, 'Is it because you're moving away' blah blah blah, he finally got to the end of his tether and broke things off. Now can you blame me? All I wanted to do was to support him, I wasn't nagging him to call, I was merely stating the fact that I was aware something was up with him. Anyways, netotse, would you say I was being crazy, any tips from a male perspective, because I think you have something there, a good point.

P.s. I like my font colour too [/color]

Funjay:
This is tough my dear. Guys, especially the players believe in persistence. Guys always claim that wit persistence, any lady wil bulge. The believe is that a lady has a fish brain and wit constant presence, care, gifts, attentions etc a lady wil shift her ground. Moreso, if her boyfrnd is not doing enof of all that.
My advice for you is to use the ignoring tactics. Treat him as if he doesnt exist. He went this far because u'v given him enof attention. Never pick his calls again, if he hides his name, hang up when u hear his voice, don't reply his txt mssgs, don't do more dan grit him and never say more dan hi when u see him.
He'll feel insuted and leave u in a matter of weeks. Please stick to ur boyfriend, else u mite live to regret givin him a chance and leavin ur b/f.
My babe is also goin tru this because we r far apart but we tokd seiously and i believe she i on top of things now, i trust her.
Ladies tend to be fragile and without d guidance of a man or someone mor matured, they cud make wrong decisions easily.
wish u the very best.

[color=#cc0066]I think not having a book of games players play is not a sign of weakness or fragility, I think guys unlike ladies like to act and pretend to be exactly what the lady needs at that time and if someone appears to be everything you need right then, you are very unlikely to see a game. How do I know a kind and generous guy is a player, if I am not to assume every kind and generous guy is a player (which would lead to guys saying: 'she's very stingy', 'she's cold'.)[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Well, well, well, yes there are some women who genuinely are psycho, and they are obvious. I think in the case of 8inch+, it is clear that the ex took advantage of you. I don't think she was psycho, she was dishonest, possibly desperate for money. I don't agree or congratulate her actions at all and I am sorry that you lost the money. I think it's as simple as a mistake made on your part, trusting someone who no longer has any vested interest to be loyal or truthful to you (especially if you broke up with her). (I would never let an ex of mine plan my wedding LOL - though some people do this!) She might agree that you two can be friends but that means nothing, her actions should speak louder, and they do!

As for the people complaining about the length of the write up, I actually am tired of apologising, this is how I am, some people like short and simple topics, in which the next few replies involve; 'Please explain fully what you mean.' , 'Can you give examples' and 'I don't get it' and I'll spend the next 5 posts explaining what I really meant. If you only wish to read one paragraph read one, if the topic does not interest you afterwards, then you can easily move along, if it does, I don't think it'll be such a pain to read the rest. It literally is 1 minute of your time.

Anyways, I don't believe that closure isn't the way forward, as I have stated, I believe everyone should know what's up, whether it is a shortened version, a detailed analysis, or just a heads up. A disappearing act is NOT acceptable. I am tired of people being too shy of confrontation to say the truth. It shows that the person doing the break up is a little immature, break ups will never be pleasant enough for you to want to do them, you just have to, and you should think your freedom is worth it, or else why break up with the person (if it hurts you to do so).

I would say that if anyone wants to break up with me, they can do whatever they like, as long as they tell me that they are:
- Breaking up with me (surprisingly, a lot of people just up and leave or distance themselves),
- Tell me a general overview of why (as if I'm supposed to just accept that they no longer feel the same way, and move on, it's not that easy!!)

This way I won't be wondering: a) if they truly have broken up with me (then wanting to call to make sure, or asking his friends or family (classic stalker signs - they say!) AND b) if there is/was anything I could have done to save the relationship (since I didn't want or expect it to end at that moment in time).[/color]

JJYOU:
mama arugbo as they say. most guys do the distance thing because of the fight and the agro that goes with it. one of the scariest things anyone can face. thank God i have done that and past that. it is notthe end of the world though

[color=#cc0066]It is the most mature way I think, adjust your breakup strategy to the girl, if she seems a little unstable don't tell her she has a problem. But the liesssssssss, oh the liess! I'm sick of the excuses. They're funny though. I guess I know that I would really appreciate the truth and honesty and a low-key chat, compared to some crazy public display.[/color]