₦airaland Forum

[color=#cc0066]Haha! [/color]

[color=#cc0066]Actually, it isn't always necessary to learn through experience, as experience can lead to many bad experiences , however, I correct my initial agreement, I believe experience is the best teacher, not the only and not always though. However, with certain things, you need not go through them to learn the lesson e.g. I don't need to be paralysed to know it is a life changing thing and something that is unpleasant to experience (putting it very lightly).[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Also HUGE POINT HERE!

Guys often distance themselves, as they get to the point they feel they wanna break off the relationship, this isn't easy to pick up on, it just involves them, doing well. . nothing!

So they are preparing themselves emotionally for the part where they say goodbye, to them it is the natural next step.
1. A lovey dovey, relationship is going great.
2. Distancing and withdrawing from you gently (like weaning a baby off milk)
3. Break up which flows quite naturally after the withdrawing.

The girlfriend on the other hand has NO clue what just went on.

1. A lovey dovey, relationship is going great.
2. He seems tired, ill, busy at work (all the excuses he gives you). You figure out you should just support him through this hard time.
3. BAM! He tells you it's over, and you're left paralysed![/color]

JJYOU:
2 of my favourite people @ work. why do i love you girls with minds like this? love they say is blind. you will get wiser as you see more years. experience is a very bad teacher

[color=#cc0066]Agreed![/color]

[color=#cc0066]Hehe @ Sisi Jinx.

Was just wondering why there are so many crazy women out there. I believe they refuse to accept responsibility. If I had an ex that kept begging to speak to him but instead of having that conversation and getting it over and done with, I ignored him instead, then of course I would expect him to be angry, confused, a little bit insecure at why I refuse to let him get some answers and such. I wouldn't go around telling everybody that I have some crazy stalker, who won't leave me alone, I'd know why he would'nt leave me alone! It'd be my fault!

Sorry about the long write up above, the words just flow, I try and make precise points, I think I just have too much to say!  [/color]

[color=#cc0066]Excellent joke![/color]

[color=#cc0066]Don't show her, as can be very upsetting. Just have a dignified heart to heart chat with her, instigate it too, don't do the whole sulking/silence/distance thing that guys do, to prompt her to confront you. You should step up and tell her the deal.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]I don't know why anyone would choose to break up with their girlfriend on Valentine's day, that's just cruel. I can't wait until Valentine's day this year, there is usually so much gossip and random acts of love and spontaneous things happening.

I will remember how last year I had a very keen admirer (now my ex) and now I have a weird silence between him and I. I will also have a great time with my girlfriends enjoying singledom (as much as you can without forcing the fun), whilst I know he too is single and probably missing me.

Anyways back to the OP, maybe Christmas might be a good chance to breakup since it's before all the crazy fun that happens around New Years, and some are fed up with their relationships but they've dragged it along for so long and now Christmas becomes an excuse to break up, especially if you don't want to be completely heartless and breakup with your girlfriend on Valentine's day, which is much worse!

I highly doubt you'd break up with a girlfriend you are madly in love with because of the financial pressures of Christmas lol. That's plain ol' crazy! If you don't love your girlfriend is a completely different matter, then the money would be a pain to lose.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Just like the title says.
I have noticed, when guys talk about some exs, they will kinda hint that the girls is an addict or crazy, but then after looking into it, I just realised that these guys can bring a lot of it on themselves, oh do they know how much torment not having closure brings on someone. Not knowing why your once beloved girlfriend or boyfriend refuses your calls, why they won't explain or even see you, why they just disappeared can leave you very confused.

The women aren't crazy because they call you all the time, they are probably really desperate to find out the truth, which guys often don't say (though I've noticed that Nigerian guys, tend to just let it out which can be good at times). This feeling is like being stood infront of a brick wall, the truth is on the other side and the ex is the wall who refuses to budge, to even hint what went wrong, so you're left guessing, you can't see the truth and the ex is barely interacting with you too.

WE NEED CLOSURE, EVERYBODY DOES > now that can drive a woman crazy. All the questions roaming through our heads, of 'why did he leave?', 'why didn't he even tell me what I did?', then you start thinking 'Am I that disgusting that he won't pick up my call?', 'was I that bad a girlfriend that he avoids me?' and worstly 'I don't want to seem psycho or like a stalker, I'm sure one simple phone call to him will sort everything out.', when these get unbearable, you try and call, and he doesn't pick up because little did you know he's so over you and he doesn't have the time, even just a little time to let you get over him.

MAYBE you guys actually don't want us to ger over you. Maybe that is why the mess made is left there. Surely if you want us to move on, you will meet up with us, tell us the deal and move on.

GUYS please understand the power of closure, and so what if you hurt our feelings, at least now we can move on and so can you, and you won't need to explain to your new girlfriend that your ex stalks you and such. Ok, ok, I think the stalking is a bit much, but it is just some women are so desperate to find the answers that they will go to some extents, think of it from your point of view.

Your girlfriend of 7 months, just tells you one day that it's all over. Ok, so in the past 2 months she's been slowly distancing herself from you, less phone calls, visits and barely any enthusiasm, so of course, she's prepared herself for the breakup, but you are completely unaware, you think everything is fabulous, you're even thinking about what to get her for her birthday. The birthday comes, and she's all fantastic, you think you two are a match made in heaven, then a week later, she breaks up with you, and of course you're stunned so you don't ask all the questions you want to ask and the questions just float around in your head, you sulk for ages and then after the intial stage of upset, you now want answers, but guess what, she's moved on, she's now got a new guy, your number's been deleted off her phone, and you're calling to ask her why she left you, because you deserve to know, and she just speaks to you like your wasting her time, she is uneasy to talk to you or acknowledge the good 5 months you spent as a close knit couple, and it hurts, in order to move on, you need to know where you went wrong, so it's not too personal, after all it could easily be her cheating ways or wandering eyes. Just knowing this would save so much soul-searching, further heartbreak and just confusion.

Now do you understand the power of closure?? If you don't I will gladly go on and on and on. .

This is just my plea, so you guys give us a break, stop dragging things along, we know you hate confrontation and hurting our feelings, but being left to our own thoughts could actually really affect us, and is far worse for our psyche than being told the truth.

CLOSURE is KEY!

Peace [/color]

[color=#cc0066]Come on people! Stories, stories, stories! I haven't done anything crazy yet, the craziests things are just my imaginations, of what I could do, guys are too quick to assume girls are crazy, especially when they obviously don't want you. I'm not crazy so I never act on these instincts.

If he doesn't want me, I'll get over it, I don't think I need to convince anybody to want me.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]There have been a lot of interesting replies especially from DUDUSPACE**, HOLLASLYD, BLUESPICE and OUTLAWS. Well, I agree with Hollaslyd's point about immaturity, and willingness. Yes, I agree with others that it is possible to decide to back out of love, however, there are several teenagers I know and speak with who are always talking about being madly in love with someone and that they are so involved that they are unable to make rational decision, so I believe though it is typical of youths to back out and love block, I actually believe it's more likely for older people, who have serious consequences to think of, work, life, family & other responsibilities. For example let's say the teenagers have just found out that their parents are going to prevent them from being together, or they found out that one has a disease that would affect their future together or one is to move away, I have heard a lot of teenagers attempt these hard relationships, but heard a lot less adults do the same thing. In the case of the teenagers finding it easier to back out, I would say the majority of cases would prove opposite. I think teenagers have a lesser ability to love block, after all they are still mostly naive about love, and it is through the experiences in life that we begin to become harder and more rational about everything.

I believe you can view when decisions have to be made as maturity, that a mature and rational person can easily withdraw from the sensations of love and make a rational and logical decisons, which benefit them, but jeopardises the relationship or the 'love' between the two people. But I also think you can view it as immaturity, in the sense that the person seems to be unable to attach to anyone significantly, (which contradicts the fact that we are able to make more rational decisions, the older we get), surely if you don't have enough feelings for someone enough to want to compromise any part of your life, you may not have been seriously involved, it seems like selfishness at times even, especially when a decision about where a relationship is going is based solely upon what's the easiest way for you and you only.

I have seen many couples break up because they were going to travel, and they didn't think long distance (LD) relationships work, so instead of trying, they broke it up, I have also seen other couples, who also had the opinion that they didn't work, but because of the love they had were unable to break off the relationship, and worked hard at it. The obvious difference between the two couples is their committment to one another, their ability to distance themselves from their emotions, or love block as I have called it.

I believe older couples have more to lose/risk so of course, they make more rational decisions, I believe older people (not saying they are old, but >20 years) have been conditioned from life's experiences to make rational decisions, to focus on themselves, they may have been taught these lessons the hard way, through heartbreak or failed relationships, but I think the older we get, the easier it is to love block, and then maybe when we reach the age of desperation (where most singles, just want somebody!) then our ability to love block greatly decreases again.

Opinions?[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Sweet! I wouldn't mind having you as an ex [/color]

[color=#cc0066]Sometimes it's better to walk away from a burning building than to try and play hero and step back into the flames.

You cheated on her, but you had the dignity to tell her, which I respect, and she probably does as well, however, whether she is able to overlook it is a different issue. It doesn't seem to me like you even see it as a big issue, otherwise you wouldn't be so surprised she walked out on you.

Cheating is a HUGE issue, whilst some people choose to look at it as a one-off incident, others can read deeply into it, allowing it to mean that you will be a cheater in future, and that you don't respect relationships.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Lol, yeah what iice said![/color]

[color=#cc0066]Merry Christmas to everybody, hope we all find peace and love.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]If you really are not dramatising, I think you need to tell someone also of the situation, this person will be accountable for you.

If he really could kill you then if I was you after begging the girlfriend (who doesn't seem to care to be honest), you should completely avoid the both of them, if that's at all practically possible.

Pray.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]I guess everyone's different, I would surely wish an ex happy birthday, it doesn't take a single thing from me, now following up on them and trying to catch up with them is a different question altogether. I would wish them a simple happy birthday, the way all of his other friends would, maybe by text (if he doesn't have facebook), or by facebook, or email or whatever.

If we are not talking, I still would, I am not someone who holds any grudge and I believe a Birthday is a way of celebrating that person being alive today and I don't wish anybody dead. I am happy they are alive, even the ones that hurt me, I am happier with them alive than dead (though they don't really contribute to my life eitherway). It just would be weird if they were dead.
[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Hmm. .

Maybe it'll teach people to actually get to know who their dealing with before having sex with them.
Maybe it'll teach them to stop treating sex as such a casual thing.
Maybe it'll teach them to use simple protection.

Hehehe, Sisi Jinx!

Anyways, isn't the rule; 'If you're not ready to be a father, don't have unrprotected sex.' Simple.[/color]

iice:
[color=#9900ff]No. Once the friendship is dead, it is over for me. The person is relegated to non-existent.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Even if it is almost written on the wall, that you were the one to neglect the friendship by ignoring her several attempts to contact you?

Interesting.

Even though, a month ago you tried to restablish contact because you missed her (and the technique you used was very cheeky - not addressing the issue at hand at all.)
[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Don't do a thing, justice is not your to take, if you deserve it, it'll probably come.

Just let her know where you stand and move on swiftly![/color]

[color=#cc0066]Tough one. .

I think you should just warn your friend about the tactic that some guys use to make their girlfriends relax, don't tell her names, but if she is on guard and doesn't want to have sex with him then she will be more alert to any pressure that comes after she takes him to her parents.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Hi AdamBrody,

Just wanted to say thanks for being honest, I appreciate it, just wanted to come down to earth to say that even though you might not agree with the tone or words used by people who have already replied to your topic, a lot of them are right.

The power of heartbreak can be uncomprehensible, that may be why even we are finding it hard to understand how heartbreak has changed you from a guy (who I would have called my ideal/perfect guy) into a reckless heartbreaking and selfish person.

I am not trying to be judgemental, in fact you pretty much laid everything out to us, you aren't proud of yourself and in your original post, you seemed like you wanted to change, it is possible to change, but first you have to accept what happened in the past, and what you have done to all those girls in the past.

Right now, you're just as bad as the girl who wrecked your life.

The worst thing is whilst you are re-living the breakup with every girl you dump, she (the ex) has moved on a long time ago, she may have even forgotten about you, yet she is still affecting your day to day life.

I am not saying that it is easy, you just need to put things in perspective, you cannot do this forever, even though you said you had no problem in doing so, well it's a shame if you expect yourself to have a really short life span because can you really imagine yourself at the age of 50 dating women and dumping them and you think another ~ 30 years of doing this won't get old, won't lose its thrill or rush?? Think again, please, for your sake.

I'm actually going to put you in my prayers tonight, whether you like it or not. I believe there is potential hidden inside you to be such a wonderful man, a man that a woman will thank God for bringing into her life.

Anyways, keep us posted.
Take care of yourself, all the best and God Bless.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Imagine: you're a guy who had a pretty cool relationship with your ex (who is a sweetheart), you enjoyed the relationship whilst it lasted, but for some reason you broke it off, and it ended badly, you both didn't speak for several weeks, you contacted her, but it was only several days afterwards did she reply, then you ignored her reply, but she tried contacting you afterwards, at least 3 more times and once to congratulate you on your new job, you replied but soon afterwards you started ignoring her again. So she stops messaging and you don't speak for 3 months, and recently you're missing her and you sent her a text message a month ago asking her what's up and hoping she was ok but she did not respond to it, and now in a few days it's going to be her birthday.

Would you wish her happy birthday or?

Give reasons [/color]

[color=#cc0066]I feel the christian girl's pain, she loved you very unconditionally, what a shame, she may have forgiven you but I very highly doubt that she will reaccept you, even after you have finally realised the extent of the damage you have done to her heart [/color]

[quote author=n-guage link=topic=210040.msg3254556#msg3254556 date=1229923016]Oya I'm done with this arguement, at least for today. It's three of you and just me, I'm already spelling words wrong.[/quote][color=#cc0066]Nah, don't let the number put you off, if you have a point, fight for it, well. . if you think it is worth fighting for. Don't let me put you off, afterall, it's only my opinion.

Ok, initially when my boyfriend told me about future, I was so happy, back then at the age of ~ 16, I thought all that mattered was love, so it was easy for me to get carried away and to dream, but then I didn't even have to tear his dreams apart, time revealed everything, we couldn't even afford to keep calling each other, and things like 'sorry, my mum's calling me', or 'she said I couldn't go' seemed to pop up, and clashed greatly with the huge responsiblity we had taken upon ourselves (to decide to be together forever), and we slowly were forced to realise that we were only children, and that if things were meant to be we can carry off from where we left in a few years.[/color]

bluespice:
he he he
i know u are not in any marriage now
but try to imagine when u were 16 and a guy talking marriage to u
n tell me what ur reaction would be

[color=#cc0066]I was very mature back then, so I knew not to take it too seriously, because I didn't plan on marrying until at least 9 years later![/color]

[quote author=n-guage link=topic=210040.msg3254448#msg3254448 date=1229914328]But seriously, I'm in the minority here because if I was 19 and my girl friend was 16, we'll probably have plans for the future together. Don't listen to this old people who are jealous of you.

Old people, let's face it, things are different nowadays and (surprise surprise) younger people have sex and make plans for the future. It's called love! If I'm with a girl that I really like who likes me too, we'll definitely plan for the future together. What's a relationship if those involved don't plan to make it last?

Yeah, they are both young and they have school work but I get better grades when I feel loved. If they are both able to optimize time, the relationship would not affect their studies the wrong way.[/quote][color=#cc0066]Hehe, you may think things have changed but they haven't, teenagers are still thinking they can make adult decisions with their teenage pressures. Try making plans for marriage and a future together, when you don't have income, when your family is in scatters, when your siblings have travelled to different locations in the world etc. .

'Old' people . I'm not even in the age range of 'old' people, but I do know how to learn some things from them, after all they've been through it all.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]And I commend you.

I really do not want to advise anyone to break off their relationship, so what I will do is just to ask you to stay true to yourself. If you feel what you are doing is enough and that you love her, then that's all that matters, all the other ways you mentioned that you use to show her that you love her are sufficient I believe.

Nonetheless keep us tuned, I hope she understands that you do sincerely care, you're just not like the other hotheaded guys she may be used to.

P.s. sometimes it can be listening to other guys (not trying to make you paranoid), but I tend to make myself paranoid when I listen to people when they say things like 'Wow, you don't have a problem with me coming over?' 'I would never let my girlfriend be alone with another guy.' etc. . it can put ideas in her head and works little doubts in her mind.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]@ Mitchellin: It was fun to read, but I may have missed the point.

@ the OP:

- There is no formula to find true love, even if you are in the same caste, level, hierarchy, there is no formula. . I repeat. Example, Prince Charles and Diana, Charles was wealthier than Diana and of course the UK was led to believe that they were a match made in heaven, perfect for each other, but yet he did not love her, apparently, he never loved her, he simply married her out of duty. Yes, she was beautiful and a lot of people said she was too good for him, in that department, but yet he did not love her.

Now even though I don't know all the facts about that partficular example, I can tell you that it is just as hard for a poorer woman to find love as it is for a poor man, equally as it is for a rich woman or rich man to find love.

The type of love in question is just too darn hard to find, I think we should all quit whilst we're ahead and just stick to solitude. .

. . no one with me?

Ok, ok, let's endeavour into the world of love then. .

Love, doesn't just happen, the best of relationships are those that grew from a seed into a lovely tree , who is to say a relationship that begun with maybe not the best intentions might not last, of course it is always best to start with good intentions, but often being humans, we are lured by the money, fame and glamour.

I will not lie, I am weighing myself up accordingly, I hope to be self-dependent when I find my love, I don't want him to be some analytical man who believes that I am only with him because he is richer than me or better looking.
I know where I stand in the hierarchy of looks, money, figure, family but I refuse to let that confine me.

I believe it is more important to aim for the best you can, aim for someone who won't just give you the best things, but who will make you into the best person you can be. If only it was easy to do just this, it obviously isn't but I think if we realise that the quality of a spouse is not in their money but in their character, we probably will have a lot less problems.

People are shallow.

A rich man might think he has the right to any woman he chooses because he is in the mind frame that money can buy anything, and a lot of these women don't mind the idea of trading their 'love' for money, I believe a good woman will mind. That doesn't mean reject every man who earns more than you, it simply means it is important to state from the get go what you expect is not a recharge card or new outfits but instead qualities which are harder to come by and are often overlooked. A generous man, is generous with whatever he has little or plenty, a patient man is patient even when time is money, a gentle man is gentle even when he cannot afford to take things slow, a kind man is kind even when he is the one who needs kindness.

The best qualities come from those who you wouldn't expect of it, and no do not force a less well-off man to suffer just to prove that he has these qualities, it simply means don't be fooled by a man with money. All the good behaviour could easily vanish if the money ever ceases, but a man who has little or just enough, but is so dignified and pleasant will surely be a dignified and pleasant man in wealth.

I want to say more, but maybe some other time.[/color]

dollyn:
@poster.Did u mean.CAN SOMEONE TELL ME THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP.i was a little bit surprised when i saw"defferent".
wel don't think the girl wants u 4 a relationship maybe she just likes u on a friendship basis.u don't need to force yourself on her by trying 2 change ur attitude since she said she can't cope with it.though i think u should still try and change ur temperament 4 ur own good.so dear,i know u would find someone who will truly love u and not play games with u.best of luck.

[color=#cc0066]Yeah, what she said![/color]