₦airaland Forum

[color=#cc0066]Don't carry on investing more of yourself than what is required to sustain a great friendship, yes call her check up on her etc. but it is not as if she's deaf, she has heard you proclaim your love for her many a time, and she still remains strong on the fact that you are mere friends.

Back off her and see what happens, if she ever liked you, she will be sure to make more effort, who knows she might start to put more effort into the relationship and then from there, who knows some more?

You can alternatively go the other route and try and woo her desperately, but I mean if after months of committmentm, money and emotion invested and then you see her with another guy, don't be surprised because she said right from the get go. 'We are just friends.'

About H202, I don't see how this girl is playing games, she told him the truth (or well, so far it seems that way), she told him her objectives from the start, giving him an option to back out, if he continues to cater to her and she takes advantage of him, who's fault is that?
[/color]

knowme:
Tope what do you mean i should make up my mind? the point is a woman cannot satisfy me alone so I will need something additional, More over my work takes me out alot, I do alot of travelling, so when am out there am Hot I just call on my shortie in that Geolocation and get some rounds before I go back to my woman , so you can't blame the Bruz would you? and you did not answer me question about what Beyonce is saying.

[color=#cc0066]It just seems to me that you find it very hard to be faithful, instead of working on the issue, you've found an excuse for it.

Well, right now, because you're young, you can get away with it, but imagine at the age of 50 still doing the same thing, never mind feeling worn out, you'd probably start yearning for the pleasures that you can only get in an exclusive relationship. Think. . why do people even entertain such relationships?

Anyway, about Beyonce's song, I believe that she's merely trying to make a point about how much guys are allowed to get away with in society, NOT that every guy cheats or not, she showed various scenarios that affect relationships.

- Hanging out with the buddies, instead of including your partner who is just sat at home waiting for you.
- Flirting with other people when it's such a disrespect to your partner
- Cheating & when people think it's ok

I mean I am not saying every guy cheats, but knowme in particular you make it very clear that you see nothing wrong with the idea. Imagine when the table turns and you love a girl so much to be committed to her, but she is using the excuse that you can't be around her 24/7 when she has urges to sleep with other men, now tell me you'd be okay with that excuse and I'll accept yours.[/color]

[color=#cc0066] , yeah a t-shirt cannot give consent I'm afraid, because if she took him to court, it'd be her with witnesses against him and the t-shirt. The t-shirt can't talk or explain itself.

What if the girl was being sarcastic, yes it is obvious to most of us that she intended to wear the t-shirt for attention, but who knows what is going on in someone's mind, what if she wore it and then as soon as she arrived at the party, she regretted it and had no other change of clothes?

Though she should have known better, so should have the guy.

The words 'hello touch it, it won't hurt' also could be interpreted by her to mean other things, like what is 'it'?

Anyways, the idea is to obtain consent, verbal consent is the best, not the looks she gives you, or whether she wrote you a riddle, because you want to be able to defend your decision.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Funnily enough, I used to be like that when I was younger, but now I don't hear wedding bells until he's made a significant impact on me. I think it simply depends on how much you like a guy.

I think when guys realise that most women see marriage as a positive thing, then they'd be a lot less scared. She's not trying to trap you, she is merely so infatuated and moved by you that she can't help but wonder what a future would be like with you. .  I think.

Unless she secretly wants to be a wedding planner.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Welcome! Participate, contribute, benefit [/color]

dean2725:
@topup

what smart was saying was that if, afterall you feel like taking a revenge. the revenge should be on the lady that dump you not the innocent ones

[color=#cc0066]Yeah, I got what he said, but I still don't agree.

Just leave the ex to her rubbish and start working on finding a loving relationship, after you've wasted a good few months messing around with the ex and playing games, then when you break it off, you now have to start working on finding the right one for you. Why not just get a head start instead of all these games? We are not kids, and though that would be very therapeutic, it's also two wrongs and you become just as bad as her in the end.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]I wonder if she has delivered the baby or is getting ready, probably due to the number of insults and laughter, the poster has fled, and we may never know. . *sigh*[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Sex? What if it's a relationship without sex, what keeps those going I wonder?

Anyways, not to derail the thread, I think communication, trust and the two people have the same goals in life.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Seems like everyone's happy [/color]

[color=#cc0066]I really don't know any other way to put this but I feel as if we are not making progress. Sisi Jinx, I was a little confused by your response as it seems it takes nothing of the most recent posts into account, surprised especially as I thought you were following this topic through. Yes, maybe my final reply was comforting someone who posted on this topic about a heartbreak but that is not what the point is about.

Overall, whether anyone agrees or disagrees, I still believe it does a person a lot of good to know where they've gone wrong in life, this allows them to improve themselves, and it's a method of feedback as we are not all perfect.

No matter how hard we try to tell ourselves, that we were the best people we could have been etc. . that may not be the case, and it could be the case that assuming the fault is all to do with the other is what might frustrate your next relationship.

It takes guts to tell someone else 'You did nothing wrong, but what is wrong with that.'

I was little annoyed by some exaggeration made in replies by some, as obviously I am not talking about calling to the extreme, but I know some people who will refer to their exs as crazy because though they are over it, the ex isn't, and so the ex texts the person 'Happy Birthday' and yes the guy has been ignoring the ex for ages and has never replied or text her similar greetings, so he tells friends 'She just won't leave me alone', 'she's a stalker', I didn't intend to discuss closure when I started this topic, however it seems that was inevitable.

I merely just used obtaining a closure as one of the reasons why an ex might still be calling, and instead of seeing it from the point of view of the person who complains that their ex won't leave them alone, yet they won't just give them peace of mind.

I hope this reply has made things clearer.

Let's keep on chatting but really, let's be realistic, not everyone thinks the same, and some people are able to block things out easily, and don't tend to dwell on gaps in relationships, etc, whilst others it would bug them, and maybe they won't go to extremes, it'll just be on their minds or they'll wonder occasionally about what went on.

Whilst I can admit that I can completey understand that maybe it is possible not to desire to want to know what went wrong in a relationship, I believe that a lot of people benefit from it, not from the insults, but just from a low key, mutual chat, in which you too can voice your opinions, and if the two people aren't mature enough to hold a reasonable conversation, then maybe it's best avoided, who knows in time, if they wanna chat and get things out of the way, then why not.

Peace . .

Happy New Years Day![/color]

smarta:
@ poster

i feel pity for you after your story, i inevitably concluded that YOU R LOST. i guess it hasn't hit you yet, but when it does, i hope it won't be too late, because you'll find yourself in the middle of nowhere ALONE,

Having said that, my advice for you is that for any lost person, GO BACK TO WHERE YOU STARTED FROM

You don't understand??

Find the one that broke your heart, and BREAK HER HEART
Sounds funny but thats the only way you can find yourself, look at it like this she did not only break your heart but she destroyed a world which you had so perfectly built.

find this girl, seduce her back (they never forget their EX), make her fall madly in love with you ,  then destroy her world has she had destroyed yours (like in the restuarant). then and only then will you find your peace,

An eye for an eye,  and the world will be at peace

[color=#cc0066]I completely disagree with smarta, I find so much guilt-free peace from just being a better person than I was when I was with the person who broke my heart. I think the perfect revenge is to actually forget about them, they did what they did and part of the pay off for them was seeing you so broken, and they couldn't care less. To show them that you also couldn't care less about what's going on in their lives and that you are confident in yourself, that you're an amazing guy without her, and that you don't need her reassurance would hurt the ego of that girl a lot more.

That's what I think. [/color]

[color=#cc0066]Thank God we are back on track. The last two replies were interesting. Firstly, sorry about that foruma, I know how it feels, and it ain't pretty. Don't worry, YOU WILL get yourself back, unfortunately time is the best healer, not rebounds but time, as time allows you to wallow in the pain, and when that's done, you can cast the past behind and move on.

Now the problem arises if you end up thinking, 'Ya know what, I never knew why she left me.' What would you do then?

At Ladoy, you're completely right, it's almost a lose lose situation, you try and up your caring skills, and you cater even harder to him to help him through this hard time, but instead he neglects it, and that awful feeling begins to build up in your tummy, and the worst thing that the relationship is still ongoing. When this happened to me, the feeling of anxiety that overcame me was just too great, I was feeling more pain than love in being in the relationship, my mind just switched to movie mode, it was like I was no longer there, and I broke it off. I was relieved in a way but deeply sad that it was like cutting the umbillical cord of a 3 month old baby and killing it before it grows into a cancer carrying time bomb *insensitive choice of words perhaps*.


For anyone who is in this position, you don't want to feel rejected, especially when you make it a goal to be all you can be for that other person in the relationship.

It has come to me that I am noticing a link, a lot of people tell me about breakups and they usually say 'I gave everything I could, I did everything I could.' Maybe that isn't the point of a relationship, maybe it is simply being yourself, if you are yourself, then would you feel like you lost anything if the relationship ends, okay, I guess there will still be pain and tears, but will they be due to that feeling of losing something or instead, won't they be more focused around the fact that your hopes are crushed and your doubts were realised?

Who knows. .[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Lol, you've tried churches AND clubs. . do you even have a criteria?

Anyways, if I was a girl I would avoid a guy like you, you made a decision to enter a relationship, you can easily decide to leave one. Yeah, I could be wrong but I think it should just come naturally, when you're ready you're ready. You sound like you like to plan things, which can be smart but what if the reasons why you decided to enter a relationship change, what happens then?

Looking for a good girl? Be a great guy, make lots of friends, just do lots of things that take you travelling and by making lots of friends you're making friends with the friends of the friends, increasing the circle of women

Goodluck and be smart about your decisions but also let them flow.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]I'm weird, I don't mind crying, it's a form of relief. Preventing unecessary grieving. . what is unecessary grieving, it's all relative? Am I the onl one who finds trying to put up a defense and protecting myself from all the what ifs in the world, quite a lot of work, and would rather invest in learning how give my all and accept whatever comes afterwards. Not trying to predict a thing but to enter into everything with hope and with a little naivety.[/color]

[color=#cc0066][/color]

[color=#cc0066]Yes, I can't rely that I'll be happier after getting closure, or even if it will give me closure, you have a point there, but I am just trying to understand why wanting it is such a lowly thing?

To be honest, despite this conversation, I am very sure in myself, I think maybe I have confused this topic by using personal examples.

If possible can we go back to the original topic of talking about being too quick to assume that we girls are crazy, I was merely trying to explain that some girls can really be insecure that they need to know the reasons why.

In my own case, I was way too aware of how I appeared and that prevented me from asking him for reasons, and that is why you guys on Nairaland are hearing from me. I was too proud to ask, and I didn't want to seem like the psycho ex even though it bugged me, I think maybe I was too vain thinking 'Why the hell would someone dump me' lol that is the truth everybody!

I mean I understand that closure is relative depending on what you expect to hear, what you want to hear and what you actually hear.


I guess I can see why seeking closure can be a bad idea.[/color]

iice:
[color=#9900ff]I don't think you cry at night Topup.  I know you have gotten over the immediate pain of the break up.  The effect of the break up in the long term i don't know.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]If only I knew what the effect of the breakup was.

I think what's not allowing me to get closure for myself might even be this forum, lol, this is where I ramble about my silliest, deepest and craziest ideas and thoughts, outside this forum he is the last thing on my mind. I came online immediately after the breakup and a lot of people pointed the fingers at me 'you must have done something', then during my holidays I realised that it was not my fault, but then I got into the stage of wanting him to be sorry and apologetic to me, and he was the complete opposite, even taking it to the extreme of 'ignoring emails I wrote that made it clear that I wasn't angry at him and was past it', now I think that ignorance was what tipped things over the edge and made me angry again.

It's like when someone rejects the first apology, though it 'cost' you a lot to apologise, you have to forsake your own hurt feelings to do it.

Imagine if I slapped you, and we barely spoke afterwards despite being so close before, then you forgave me, but I couldn't care less, because simply, I didn't care about the fact that slapping hurt you. I'm sure you'd be a little angry about that.

Life is not fair, I know that.

Peace.[/color]

Sisi Jinx:
Exactly!!

My thing why does closure have to be sitting down together and talking about the reasons for the breakup? I just don't get this. . . maybe like Acid said, we are not using the word closure in the right sense of the word.

It's awkward enough seeing someone you've broken up with, let alone having them sit down and tell you why they broke up with you. There is even a masochistic undertone to is all. I mean seriously, how is this supposed to play out?

You meet a a coffee shop and in the middle of ordering scones and tea, you get to hear how awful your cooking was?

The waiter comes with you tea but no sugar so you tell him you need sugar just as the ex tells you how your neediness drove him nuts.

You order another cup of tea and Ex boyfriend tells you he felt that he could never satisfy your wants.

. . . . is this closure?! Is it? Is it?

Isn't the actual BREAKUP CLOSURE IN ITSELF??!!!!   

Being hurt after a breakup is perfectly human. . . . but let's do away with the illusion that finding out what lead to the breakup will reduce the pain.

[color=#cc0066]Maybe we're talking about different types of relationships, because I can tell you 100% that the least of the issues in my past relationships is whether 'she or he could cook' or not. It's deeper things, things like maybe he has always had problems trusting people, or the fact that I never complain and therefore am being dishonest, those are just a few examples, but some things are deeper than that, and it's all about constructive criticism, nobody's perfect, and I really don't believe I will take it personally if he gives me what I've been wanting, I mean it'll be my fault if I hear what I don't like. Also, if we're going to start talking about awkwardness then I really doubt the person was too immature to be in a relationship in the first place. There are some nasty things that have to be done, what's this rubbish about never speaking to an ex EVER again, are we not adults? Someone passed through your life and because of awkwardness you avoid them and speaking to them.

We might just have to settle that everyone's different.

I would hate to have an ex who didn't understand the importance of closure to me.

P.s. about the neediness - I would actually appreciate to hear that I have a habit of being very needy. Ok, maybe the next guy might not be bothered about that, but I'll get a chance to reassess myself.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]But if you two work this through maybe you can be even stronger than you were in let's say your first year.

I think it's just an issue of communication, it's not as if both of you don't love each other, by the way what type of things upset her that she cries to her friends about, and have you really been lending your ear to her.

I have a friend who creates the false illusion that she is a reasonable person but everytime I try and tell her what offends me, she easily gets extremely offended and takes it to the next level and takes it so personal.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Communication, it pretty much covers everything. Communication allows you to communicate to your girlfriend that you wish you had more money (instead of complaining that you can't afford her demands), that you have doubts about the future (instead of distancing yourself from her), that you think her ideas about no sex before marriage is ludacrous (instead of trying to 'trick' her into doing so anyways). .

But maybe this communication thing only works in conjunction with honesty. . ?[/color]

iice:
[color=#9900ff]Sure i will do want to know who killed her.  I will do my best to find out who killed her and have the person punished.  But doing my best and wanting does not always give me what i want - i know that.  I will be prepared if my best does not get me what i want/need and that in no account lessen the pain or anger i would feel but it will be something i will work out within myself.  I will have to come to terms with it or whither away.  A choice i must make (it would be easier to rely on someone to make that choice). [/color]

[color=#cc0066]I am sorry to put a sharp halt to things, but this sounds really really unrealistic. So what you are telling us, is that instead of desperately searching for your baby forever, you would eventually come to accept that searching your best (within your justified time frame) might not bring your baby back and so your next step would be to stop and to start working on coming to terms with it.

Sorry but I just don't believe that, ok, maybe I can be convinced to believe that that is what you, iice, would do, but the average person I believe does not think like that.

Why are the parents of Madeleine still searching for her, if they know that it does not change the pain.

I actually believe that in the scenario that H202 gave, that it is even more difficult to come to terms with what has happened, as compared to the love stories and relationships we have discussed previously. I am not saying you're a bad person, but it sounds awfully selfish to direct the situation from your lost baby to instead yourself, and your coping with the pain.

Yes, we have to be selfish in life, but for a little child, who else will put that baby first.

I think the analogy has got me worked up, and it probably wasn't a fair one to explain closure.

For me, I know if someone stole my baby, nothing will make me stop looking for her, nothing, I believe at worst it would become a routine thing. Psychiatrists would probably try and advice you to cope with the pain of losing the baby, but I am sure that if I was to be the one to start voicing this out, I would become a very synical and pesimistic person. Imagine if the McCanns (Madeline's parents) broadcasted that after a year they were going to stop searching for her, because they wanted to make time to get over her loss, people would be stunned.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Now, we're back on track, iice and H202 have raised some wonderful points, but of course I am with H202 on this one, I think too too often, I am given advice, the 'perfect' advice, and I am left feeling 'Oh, yes that is obvious!' 'I don't need anybody to make me feel good, I don't need closure. I'll just move on with my life.' I believe it is unfair to say that my life is on pause just because I am concerned about my closure.

My life certainly is not on pause, but there are moments when I remember that missing link, yes to some it may not matter if their loved one left them, but to me it does.

When I get this 'perfect advice' I am left feeling empowered! I feel like I can do anything, but then shortly afterwards I realise that it isn't that simple. Yes, like I mentioned before, it is possible to patch your life together after being left in the dark, because yes, there will always be some very rational person who will tell you that 'You life is in your hands.' 'That no one can phase you if you don't let them.'

The ol' "Bricks and Stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me." - you try that and get back to me on how that works out for ya!

Let me give you an example; "A boy who's mother abandoned him, and on his 18th birthday his foster parents tracked her down for him.' Upon knocking on her door to greet her, not to try and force his way back into her life, but to forgive her, to patch things up, to understand what happened, to gain closure, she opened the door and after he explained thoroughly, she explains how she is aware that he wanted to see her, but then tells him that she wants nothing to do with him, she has a new life now, and she closes the door on him."

Of course, we are much more sympathetic towards someone in such a situation, we support the boy and frown on the mother as she refused to do something selfless that would have brought much peace to the boy's life. She refused to explain, chat, and basically rejected him. . again. Now tell me that you expect that boy to 'grab' closure for himself, that no one can make him upset. I don't believe you'll be able to convince me, and even if the boy does regain himself, and carries on with his life, he will forever wonder about the whys. I mean, he can function, get married, have kids and live happily ever after, but he will have a part of him that wishes to be settled.

That is the essence of the topic.

Yes, we can view it from the mother's point of view, yes she may be trying to protect him from the truth, but somehow she is also passively protecting herself. Now, I know a lot of people here are not analytical to this depth, but really try and see this with me. What if refusal to give someone a decent explanation/chat/peace/closure reflects back on the person's inability to confront their decisions in life.

Basically, if you are going to break up with me, don't think you can just get away with shattering my heart, the least you can do is to explain why. And as someone has mentioned above, though I agree I cannot take something that someone doesn't want to give, but we always forget to apply this to forcing your spouse to tell you the truth about his sexual past, or forcing your spouse to confront you about their cheating ways. I have noticed that we tend to twist things a lot, yes some people are against my opinion of requiring closure, and maybe I would be better off if I felt that I didn't need it too.

But I will tell you, a lot of people will benefit from knowing what happened. The day I sit down and talk to my ex, and I am not shouting at him and he is not pleeing with me, but instead we are having a matured conversation about where we went wrong in the relationship, what we learnt/should have learnt from it and such, that day will bring a sense of relief that no other self-empowering thing can do. Call me insecure or whatever, but I am just being honest and frank.

I am sure that we employ all these confidence regaining, self-image rectifying tactics to try and undo the damage done by the other people in the first place. It is like using 'low-calorie sugar' in our tea, it's a substitute but they both >kind of< do the same thing, except I believe that the initial ordinary table sugar, should be the key, the natural way, it tastes better anyways (similarly to my belief that if your ex tells you the deal, the peace of mind from it is not the same peace of mind as from the whole 'new hobby', 'new replacement boyfriend', or 'girl power attitude' that is used to gain closure and move on from a breakup, as we are merely masking that gap that still needs filling up). We are only using the 'low-calorie sugar' because we know and admit that our tea needs sugar but we know we can't have the ordinary sugar. The substitute doesn't quite taste the same but it gives a similar effect.

I am not sure if I'm making my point clear. My life is not and will not be on hold, and it hasn't be for the last half a year, all that I can really admit to is maybe some stored anger towards him, and that is what I need closure from. Of course I know that Sisi Jinx and iice probably believe that I cry about my ex every night or that if I could I would be calling my ex everyday, but I honestly am not, even if I was that insecure, the guys I know who have seen my breakup as a chance to step up their game would re-boost my self-esteem. All I dislike is my position. I hate that because he never spoke to me to really tell me what happened, that whenever someone asks me about my ex I sound bitter, cold and distant. I would much rather say 'he's okay' - but the guy blocked me out of his life, so I can't even just make such a neutral statement. The same tension behind the mention of his name is fizzling out, but I don't believe it has because of me regaining closure for myself but instead simply because I am forgetting about him.

Thanks to everyone who made points, I look forward to reading replies [/color]

[color=#cc0066]Ok, the title of the post was intentional, to get people's attention. I think before you can fully know what I am talking about you have to read at least the first page of the topic.

Anyways, yes I believe both men and women do this, now that we have got that out of the way, what are your opinions on the subject? How about we look at it from the other person's perspective.

Why would you leave someone hanging like that? If someone wants to talk to you about the breakup, why would you leave them hanging? There's time ot get over the breakup and then there're months and months of silence, allowing recovery time, what stops you from approaching 'that talk' that the other person so desperately wants, even if just for their sake, after all you claimed to love this person dearly once.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]@ suprted; I would like to agree with you, but you have made SO many generalisations. I certainly do not sulk, and I certainly do not go for bd guys. Bad guys come in sheep's clothing maybe, but they present themselves as good guys with an edge, which is attractive.

Also, though I may not be able to say that guys do all the things you mentioned above that make girls crazy, if I was to use the word 'crazy' in the same way as you, and was to also generalise, then I could say that guys too are crazy because:

- They have a problem with a girlfriend but never say it, but instead back out of the relationship slowly. They avoid confrontation at all costs, to the extreme, so they don't tell you the problem, they do the whole distance thing, and stop showing love.

- They seem to be unable to communicate.

- They cherish their egos above all, and make a lot of decisions based on it. They will dump you because they think they can do better, but when you call, they put up the front like they've never been happier.

- They think telling you what you want to hear is acceptable.

Obviously, these are all generalisations, is there any need to even start this male vs female battle again.

The topic was not trying to push the 'crazy' blame on guys, it is merely saying that women are normal, of course we act irrational at times but so do guys, we can say women are emotional, but I have known guys to be also.

I think maybe life's just not exciting if we accept that everyone's different and that there are no strict ways a man and woman should or shouldn't act.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]It depends on your priorities, eternal maritial happiness or trophy wife/hell raiser.

Joking.

Well, yeah it sounds shallow, but we all have these thoughts, if you love her, then you probably don't care too much about her looks (though you have made a whole topic about them). If you do decide to go for her then you should never let her feel beneath you.

Also, who is to say that you are good enough for her? If her personality is amazing, what's to say she can't win over any guy, it isn't that easy to find such lovely natured women so when you do, will you risk losing her because of her looks, mind you, looking 'urgly' is different to not being attracted to someone.

If it is by her nature that you become attracted to her, then I'd say go for it, but if you really don't find he attractive then I will warn you to really try not to mess with her feelings. No one should be made to feel beneath someone because of their genetics.[/color]

H2O2:
Hi Lice,
While I partially agree with you that closure is more likely to come from within, why does it tire you?
Keep in mind that this is not just any person. The word closure is being inappropriately tossed around.
Needing an explanation makes very good sense to me in many scenarios.
It is not a crime to seek to figure out why a man you spent 10 years of your life worshipping has decided to walk away unannounced on one lonely rainy night.

[color=#cc0066]Thanks for making a good point. . now let's toss it to the 'audience'.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Erm, kudos to Sisi Jinx for trying to sort me out, I valued all the info, and Olanajim said some cool things too.

Firstly, I just want to say that yes, you don't always need closure to move on, but I think it takes longer to move on when you feel 'Am I that bad that my ex won't speak to me' and we need to stop talking about guys vs girls, it is as simple as feeling dejected.

I wouldn't be hurt if I didn't put my all into the relationship have genuine feelings about him. The funny thing is that recently (as in very recently) I contacted him to wish him seasons greetings and afterwards the anticipated call came, in which I was surprised to be met by a guy who was very tense and wanted answers for himself. Through my example, you can see that things are not black and white.

I am cautious though as I believe he is playing games, any guy can appreciate the fact that leaving someone in the dark be it a girlfriend, ex or a friend, is not a nice thing to do and can leave the person wondering 'What have I done that is SO bad.'

Anyways, Sisi Jinx, I laughed because you hit it right on the head of the nail, but I never denied that. You can either see it as I was trying to get back at him or you can think of it as me trying to protect myself. I think it was a combination of both, of course I wanted him to text again, this would have reassured me ever so slightly that he was serious, as it takes some serious swallowing of pride to do that. It also would have made me feel in charge, I would have of course put on my best getup and met up with him.

Despite what everyone believes I would not have been distant in the conversation and this was proven by the conversation we had last, in which I asked a few questions and in the end we were laughing again.

I must say that I don't want him to fall in love with me again, I mean it is flattering but that will not change anything, I know right now he's not right for me, the conversation has eased the tension in the atmosphere but there is still tension. I believe he is playing games as there was so much dishonesty in his answers (how would I know? easy, things that were so obvious were denied, he didn't call to get things straight, he called to patch up his ego, because I had ignored him and it finally hit home).

Anyways, I want to stop focusing so much on my relationship.

Apart from Adam Brody, are there any other examples of women acting crazy?

I still think it's too common for a guy to tell me, 'yeah I had that one ex, who won't stop calling me', but I have now learnt that it shows a sign of immaturity of the two people, unless he appears to be a very caring and thoughtful guy, I would assume him to have 50% part in the situation.

Does the girl need closure, or is she just trying to speak to him one last time.
Does she need closure, or is she just trying to hear the truth.

Do we need to hear the truth to move on, or are the others in this forum correct, you can 'grab' closure for yourself, be left confused about a broken relationship, and you can just move on without a second thought to what happened? Are we sure these people are not the same people who will leave at any sign of trouble? Am I sure these people are not the over-rational types?

Lastly, do we all sincerely believe that it is okay to leave someone in the dark about a relationship problem? Is communication sometimes not the key?[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Nah I didn't ask about marriage or stuff I know you guys don't like talking about until you are 100% sure you're with the right lady. Instead he withdrew, then I asked if he was upset about the fact that he would be travelling. He just ignored me, so I figured that was what. I next tried to tell him that what will be will be, and that we should just take everyday as it comes.

Call that pressure or what! Lol[/color]