Erm erm. Testing the mic, testing 1,2 testing aha erm uhmm. Ladies and gentlemen you are highly welcome to this thread where we shall be auditioning for Roles in the Most Anticipated Series in Nairaland jokes section 'The Adventures of Akpors[TAA]' Season 2. I know many have waited for this day and here it is, but most importantly YOU stand a chance to feature in this series!!! The criterias we shall be considering are as follows:
*Ingenuity
*stupidity
*Idiosencracy
*ruthlesness
*forgetfulness
*funny-ness
*and most importantly the ability to fake all the afore- mentioned points.
Now we have some new characters together with some old ones but you can audition for anyone of them by displaying your qualities.
*first we have the lead role of 'Akpors' (a.k.a Micheal Scofield) which will be taken by your one and only.
* Akrika-must have long teeth and be stupid!
*Twale- cunny
*Police-driver
*judge
*drug addicts
*akpors' wife
* akpors' sön Ovrikpo
*soldiers
*B.H members
*other prisoners
*GARRI seller
and thats all for now. So hurry up and show up for the audition!! Auditioning starts by 3pm Saturday 29 sept-3pm sunday 30.sept. See garri sellers and newspapers for details.
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'THE ADVENTURES OF AKPORS[TAA] ' The prison Experience!! Coming Soon!!
Showing in cinemas nationwide at N3000
Pirated copies at N100.
Piraters dont bother we'll pirate it by ourselves. Thank you.

Its official, jokes have finished on earth. They are all on NL

Ayt Mike. Sid i c ya.

ebuka24: Vector is too gud...m.I is too gud..d tin is wen it cums to usin metaphors in rap m.I will murder vector.bt wen it cums to playin wit words vector pass dats jus it

are you possessed??!

Intro
wadup siddoggg
.
.
.
I know I know this is ma genesis/
be that as it may it will be your nemesis/
i'll bring you horror cuz am dark and fearless like the knight(night)/
so on the count of 1,2,3 get out of my site(sight)/
My lines resonating and flowing like a 'spring'/
you on the other hand are still tied to my apron string/
better watch your back cuz i am highly argus-eyed/
yeah your fears are coming just like your Pastor prophesied/
say the truth pure and simple no lies(lice)/
that i spit my bars directionaly as the crow flies/
i am not saying you are a razor but cut me some slack/
with these so-called bars you spitting they are purely wack/
i sure don't need the currency to make your heart 'pound'/
cuz we all know what goes around must come around/
if siddoggg thinks he can dethrone me from my empire/
he might might as well go searching for a vegetarian vampire/ . . peace.

Where ma dogg at?? Dropping soon.

booqee: *faints twice!*
huh?? Are you for real??

@op. I prefer to be a human being..d only animals with easy access to garri..thank you very much!

yap, my mind is made up!!

Illmind:



.
.
Dude u re a pathetic sore biter
Too many ish bitten..

D ahead øƒ ma tym line was bitten from Big L
Toothferry bankrupt line was from Possesed I tink or Big L stil
Programmed to kick hundred øƒ bars was from Canibus
Numerology/more digits dan 22 divided by 7 lines was from immortal technique

Infact everytin in ur bars were bitten. . Nd u kip talkin lyk u got game
SMH!!
U shld not only be banned, u shld be killed
Smh

if na your papa get nairaland, come ban me now, ah ah wetin enough is enough. All the points you brought have already been said so quit digressing and get a life.

bunmioguns: Happy birthday bro....may u grow up till all d teeth in ur mouth comot

**reads post and immediately stops eating the 1kilo of Pømó in his hands**

mikuz: Valiantvaliant its against the rules for you to lift rhymes. It was evident that you bit a couple lines from Big L.
That automatically gave the battle to sleakid.

i was expecting to be disqualified, anyway i learnt my lesson so. GAME ON

booqee: Awww..... i'm late...but never too late. Happy buffdei in arrears! LLNP. Hope u had fun?? :*

yeah, i sure did, how was your ban erm. . . sorry vacation.:-)

slimchi2k2: @Valiantvaliant
bro it late, never mind happy birthday, wish long life,wisdom and prosperity

Lagusta: Hey happy birthday boss, LLNP 2 u, wishin u all the best!!!!

thanks a laaaaaaaat guys!!!!

sleakid: hmmmmm. As im judge shuld skip d rules? Lol.. Anyways wid ya copied ish and all dat am still nat moved

i dont see where i said that sha. Where is the judge, can't wait to here my sentence.

sleakid: guy u just dr0pped BIG.L's lines in ya sec0nd dr0pp.... anyways let the judge d0 his findings...

two lines from bigL Bleep it so what? tell you something, judge omit those two lines and assume they are filled with ' blah blah blah' leaving me with 6 bars and i assure you my 6 bars will at least make sense.

They say blacks dont blush, then my mirror must be broken cause after seeing these comments i blushed at each one. Thank You all soooooooooo much. May God see us all through this life. Eseeeee

If you goonheads had been following, you would notice i used that 'BUSTED' one for fun and not for the competition (and i clearly indicated that) therefore my integrity is preserved because the öne i indicated to be for the battle was CREATED BY ME (browse that anywhere) and let me be banned eternally from nairaland if at all i didnt create that myself.
Modified: except the two lines from Big L

Gbagaun

sleakid: valiant haw many times u droppin? Anyways am still waitin for verdicting

Yhap we waiting. Just 4 the record Mikuz, use the one i dropped last. Pardon me please, i thought the time belt starts from 12PM not knowing it was 12am. Biko, ejo, don Allah.

As promised
Q: What do you give 900-pound
gorilla for his birthday?
A: I don't know, but you'd
better hope he likes it!
.
When I was a child my family
was so poor that the only thing
I got on my birthday was a year
older.

*
It's my wife's birthday
tomorrow. Last week I asked
her what she wanted as a
present. "Oh, I don't know", she
said. "Just give me something
with diamonds". That's why I'm
giving her a pack of playing
cards.
If there are 23 people in a
room, there's a 50% chance
that two of them will share a
birthday (it's been proven
mathematically).
What did George Washington,
Abraham Lincoln, and
Christopher Columbus all have in
common? They were all born on
holidays.
*
A man asked his wife, "What
would you most like for your
birthday?" She said, "I'd love to
be ten again." On the morning
of her birthday, he got her up
bright and early and they went
to a theme park. He put her on
every ride in the park - the
Death Slide, The Screaming
Loop, the Wall of Fear. She had a
go on every ride there was. She
staggered out of the theme
park five hours later, her head
reeling and her stomach
turning. Then the were off to a
movie theater where they ate
popcorn and sweets and drank
Cola. At last she staggered home
with her husband and collapsed
into bed.
Her husband leaned over and
asked, "Well, dear, what was it
like being ten again?" One eye
opened and she groaned,
"Actually, honey, I meant dress
size!"
*
Q. What was the average age of
a cave man?
A. Stone Age!
Q. What goes up and never
comes down?
A. Your age!
Q. What party game do rabbits
like to play?
A. Musical Hares!
Q. What did the bald man say
when he got a comb for his
birthday?
A. Thanks. I'll never part with it!
Growing old is inevitable.
Growing up is optional.
It's not about age, it's about
attitude.
*
The most effective way to
remember your wife's birthday
is to forget it once.
A well adjusted woman is one
who not only knows what she
wants for her birthday, but even
knows what she's going to
exchange it for.
The secret of staying young is
to live honestly, eat slowly, and
lie about your age. - Lucille Ball
Inside every older person is a
younger person wondering
what happened. - Jennifer Yane
A diplomat is a man who always
remembers a woman's birthday
but never remembers her age. -
Robert Frost
Birthdays are good for you.
Statistics show that the people
who have the most live the
longest.
A birthday is just the first day of
another 365-day journey
around the sun. Enjoy the trip!
You were born an original.
Don't die a copy. - John Mason
Fred: I was going to buy you a
handkerchief for your birthday.
Harry: That was a kind thought.
But why didn't you?
Fred: I couldn't find one big
enough for your nose.
When is your birthday?
17th January.
What year?
Every year!
Here are some more great
birthday jokes:
Grandma, is it exciting being
99?
It certainly is! If I wasn't 99 I'd
be dead.
Why couldn't prehistoric man
send birthday cards?
The stamps kept falling off the
rocks!
Where do you find a birthday
present for a cat?
In a cat-alogue!
Why did the boy put candles on
the toilet?
He wanted to have a birthday
potty!
Why did the boy feel warm on
his birthday?
Because people kept toasting
him!
"Doctor, I get heartburn every
time I eat birthday cake."
Next time, take off the candles."
*
Where would you learn to make
ice cream?
At sundae school.
You know you are getting old
when the candles cost more
than the cake. - Bob Hope
What is the left side of a
birthday cake?
The side that's not eaten.
Q. Does a pink candle burn
longer than a blue one?
A. No, they both burn shorter!
Q. What do they serve at
birthday parties in heaven?
A. Angel food cake!
What did one candle say to the
other?
"Don't birthdays burn you up?"*
Did you hear about the time
akpors' sister tried to make a
birthday cake? The candles
melted in the oven.

CLIQBOY: Hbd dude

mormoni: Vicky nd booqee don suffer

Anyways HBD mahn

thank you very much guys. *calls bartender* 2 Martinis and 3 Moets each for these gentlemen*

Here i am sleakid!
.
.
.
I am so ahead of my time my parents haven't met yet//
i am higher and sure am flyer than a jet//
i knocked so many tooth out i made the tooth fairy bankrupt//
excellence is my presence never tense nor corrupt//
i am programmed to take over this myriad land(nairaland)//
programmed to kick hundred of bars off hand//
just wondering how you made it thus far must be sheer luck(sherlock)//
cuz my bars lock yours down capsluck//
I know you aim to please while i succeed//here is an advice aim, too,please and then suck seed//
and make sure you finish this please//
No disappearing, 2pac diss//
that aside, using numerology to count the number of rappers whose career i level// produces more digits than 22 divided by seven//
i intend to build a legacy that is worth eyeing(I in)// i also intend to live forever or die trying// blah.
.
.
.
.
Exclude this Mike.
I am goin to stand outside waiting for the verdict so if anyone asks, i am out_standing. /peace/

sleakid: valiant nix drop.. Lets wait 4 verdict..
One

k but that was not for the competition sha. I'll be dropping that in a jiffy. . . .

Same course, different uni. Its stressful in every university. But the aftermath is off the hook!

Pig.
.
.
.
Reason. . . .
.
.
.
Heavenly feelings last 40 minutes or so!!

I never expected any of my topics to make frontpage but one got there quite unexpectedly. Just keep launching reasonable threads.

My birthday is today too. Thank yoú very much. HBD To my birthday mates

'I must crow, i must speak, i must flow, am not a chicken, am a rooster, am not afraid to speak so i let it out when am supposed to' excerpts from Mi's 'talk about it'. All i can say is, dude is really living up to his words.

A little something for sleakid b4 the main battle
.
.
.

.
Enter my world of doom,
consume fear and feel the
panic//
I ram a lightning bolt between
the earth and the moon and
curl the planets//
I'm bell Atlantic with lyrics
expanding for galaxies.
Battle me mathematically, I'm
giving your wisdom a cavity//
Rapidly flowing, controlling the
time, jump over the line.
I'm blowing your mind, with
just a flow of the rhyme//.
I'm Hogan in his prime, too
strong and fast, ******' could
bomb and blast.
C'mon, you still beyond your
wrath.//
I'm satisfaction guaranteed,
you fiction like Quentin
Tarantine//,
Kick you in your baddest
dream, **** you haven't seen.
I have to be perfectly honest,
We should have an anniversary
to acknowledge, the way I
work the Ebonics.
I verbally vomit on novice
******' that try to sly kid(sleakid) us with
garbage lyrics.
My style delivers, outside the
outer limits//.
I'm like the pyramids cuz every
point is precise, now you
know me for life.
3 pound Cuban studded with
ice..//

Birthdays:
Oro baba(32), udoGod(26),
bug24, preshilala(29), AKAH(33),
topefisayo(28), toxng(25),
Olaolufred(35), Opeyinka,
kross101(25), akin_nas(25),
Spida, brohke(26), gbengalite(24)
, hayoakins(25), Don Diara, neyo_
2k7(24), Marc-us(23), Ehimax(24)
, depastor(28), rexg4life(23),
steve_101, Kenide(24), RAJI ABEY,
ogrin, Bai22(29), saintmajid(29),
futuspec(36), sBACH(21),
flakkybee(90), Valiantvaliant(120),
bajoba, Maxibeats(31), HEART
IKECHUKWU(39), Zedo, nkluvbaby
(26), pheronluiz(26), ellyrichy(19),
noah24(28), Aircornel1(25),
.
.
.
.
Since today is my birthday i've decided to celebrate with some nice peeps that i've come to know in Nairaland and especially the Joke section. So folks, put aside the sarcastic comments for today and wish your boy well!!
Meanwhile, i'll post u guys some jokes later in the day to enjoy since you cannot attend the party in Choc boiz Villa as i chill along with my guys and ladies, am talking of the Choc boiz Mi, J-jag, Ice, Brymo, accompanied with my EME pallies Banky, Wiz and skales and also I cant 4get my guys p-square, waje, chidimma, franklin and a host of others. Davido is NOT invited i repeat mey David no show face for my birthday ooo eh. Meanwhile leeeeets get this party started oya.**leaves thread with Vicky and Booqee hand in hand**singing Ekuro**winks*

dejustice: Check my post, I already got copyright permission from you.

Sure, you can get some here too.

Just compiling all Akpos story.
If you have more, please share with us, let's keep the fun alive!

hey, you are lucky today is my birthday so i'll just let it go.

mormoni: incase ur brain is not functioning, know dat dis is d jokes section...

Meaning dis section is meant for jokes only...

SECONDED. IT SAYS JOKES ''ETC''

She knows what i mean when i say 'take care of yourself' . I dont share!!

Mynd_44:
i am using Opera mini 7 and it is still working fine as regards picture download. Check your settings

problem solved. Thanks man