₦airaland Forum

buygala:
Word of advice from a Father to his son about marriage


Never beat your wife.... If you feel aggressive, go register at the nearest boxing institute
.... A man's muscle should be employed in providing for his family, not assaulting it

Draw a limit to in-law burdens..... Don't take on a burden that isn't originally yours... When your father-in-law has grown up sons, why should you be the one to shoulder his burial expenses?
.... Be a good in-law and help out where it is ABSOLUTELY CONVENIENT for you... You haven't committed a crime by marrying their daughter

Do a DNA on all the kids she bears for you even before you take the step of naming them..... She could have 'accidentally' gotten pregnant for someone else.....There isn't a life more wasted than one spent unknowingly raising someone else's kids.... and no, this doesn't mean you dont trust her.... it's just that you don't like paying in money into the wrong bank account

Help out in domestic chores.... She is your wife, not your maid or slave.... Your peniss won't become smaller if you do the dishes or prepare Junior for school...After all, the home and kids belong to both of you, not only her


NEVER operate a joint account or buy landed property jointly with your wife..... The shy, sweet harmless cutie you married may in future turn out to be a ruthless scheming gold-digger who may even take steps to bankrupt you or appropriate your property to herself. ... Fall in love all you want, but don't give her the rope with which she can hang you



Written by buygala

Loving the part of your post that encourages men to do chores too. Most Nigerian men will never assist with chores, even when they get hone earlier than their working wives; but have no issues demanding monetary contributions from their wives to run the home.

I'm not sure you are married, you won't be talking like this if you were...

omonnakoda:
That is Oyibo ideology.Marriage is for having children and raising them responsibly. He can always marry another wife there are plenty of women out there

omonnakoda:
Rubbish I repeat it does not matter whether she or any woman loves you take it from me one day one of you will outgrow the love especially you who appear to have a very carnal view of what love is about.
What matters is that you love yourself.Too many kids watching too much Telly here. Love yourself without stint and figure out what makes you happy. You are still young and now is the time to raise your game and boost your earnings. Deal with people as they are not as they should be you cannot change anyone and it is foolishness to try.
To put in in simple street psychology you are being pimped by someone who understands your inadequacies. The next thing that will start happening to you is sexual dysfunction. Do not be pimped brother. Find another woman on the side and enjoy your life of which you only have one
Does she act badly and when you raise it you are made to feel as if you are a drama king
Does she act badly and never apologize
Receive gifts and act unimpresed etc
Trust me you are being pimped
When you IGNORE people do no do it to prove anything do it because you mean it because you have woken up and started living your life for YOU

I don't like this your advice. So you are saying the OP should not work on his marriage but rather find satisfaction outside? If it were a woman who brought this to the table, will you be giving her the same advice?

The Man loves his wife and wants to work on his marriage which is why he came here to seek for help. Marriage is give and take and there is no rule that says it's only the woman that should strive to make it work. The OP should work on himself and his woman. It is only after everything fails to work that he may want to resort to this kind of advice you are giving him.

Dear Op, this may be some reasons why your wife acts cold towards you:
1. Like some peeps have said it may have to do with herupbringing. Where this is the case, you have to talk to her and make her open up herself more to you.
2. Your wife may not have a sex drive that matches yours. Also, some women love intimacy but really do not enjoy sex. They fear that whenever they try to initiate intimacy with their men it may end up in sex so they will rather stay away. You also have to know if she is this type of woman so you can ask her what she wants and when she wants in.
3. You mentioned that you have two kids. Although you said you do help out, which is very good, the help you give her may not be enough for her. Consider getting her a house help if you have none already. She may be cold towards you bcoz she feels tired after taking care of kids, house chores, kitchen etc esp if she works. Getting her help also gives her more time for you and a less stressed woman is a happy woman.
4. Do you bond with your kids or leave everything "children" to her? Do you spend more time with your friends or with her and ur family? Some women love it when their husband spends time with her and the family. She may be acting cold towards you bcoz she feels you put her in a condition where all she has to worry about is the family while you spend most of your spare time gallivanting outside. She may not know how to tell you this.
5. Do you respect her and provide for the family? Do you pick quarrels with her and use abusive words on her then when it's time for sex you come and start forming all-romantic? It is difficult for true love to breed in a family where there is always strife and enmity. Do you provide for your family? If you do, do you try to rub it in her face because you do. Are you always trying to compete with her?
6. Finally, check your personal hygiene. It's not all aboutgood looks and keeping trim. No woman Will be interested in a man who does not keep himself well, in fact she will loathe you. How many times do you take your bath, change your boxers? How neat are your underwears? Are you well shaven, do you use deodorants, etc.

May God help you as you try to find out the missing link.

I don't know her name but I hear she is a senior officer and has received an award for her skillfulness before. I always admire her too; the energy with which she does her job, and she always controls traffic in a hilarious but skillful manner.

Dear Poster, I won't advise you go into such marriage oh. I've lost at least three people I know to this SS thing. However with recent medical science you can select the genotype of your child even before conception through IVF and PHGD but these methods cost a lot and not 100percent success is asssured. So if your partner or both of you are financially buoyant enough to consider spending over 3million naira on trying to have each child, then you can get married.

Growing up, my parents used to insist we dish their food together in one flask so they ate breakfast and dinner together. I guess that was because of the nature of their jobs, Dad was self-employed and Mum did not always have to leave very early for work. Also, she returned home before 7pm most days so they could eat dinner together. Besides we lived in the South-East where one did not have to contend with traffic and a busy schedule. I lost my Dad last year and up til now, Mum has problems eating alone.

Fast-forward to my marriage. Hubby and I used to eat together when we just got married, pro'lly because he came home early enough. Now he has a more demanding job and can come late as late as 9pm plus we live in Lagos. I get home on or before 6pm and I eat within an hour of getting home because there are too many disadvantages of eating late. Even those days when he does happen to get home before 7pm, I may be busy attending to our child or doing chores, and may not have eaten. So I just serve him his dinner and eat mine whenever I'm ready.

However, we try to eat together whenever we can, like weekends or when we both happen to be hungry at the same time. Abeg nothing is cast in stone johr, whatever works for you is fine. Maybe when our kids grow older, we will be able to eat together all the time, once more.

myklangelo:
Women de try ooo....
Is pregnancy heavy or does it balance naturally on the woman physique without any significance except potrusion?
Yes Igbo language azonyela okpa na tuwita(tweeter)follow me @OdeniigboBlog for news in Igbo
The 1st Igbo language blog is out, it is fun and insightful. Visit, comment, share and criticize.www.odeniigbo..com

myklangelo:
Women de try ooo....
Is pregnancy heavy or does it balance naturally on the woman physique without any significance except potrusion?
Yes Igbo language azonyela okpa na tuwita(tweeter)follow me @OdeniigboBlog for news in Igbo
The 1st Igbo language blog is out, it is fun and insightful. Visit, comment, share and criticize.www.odeniigbo..com

Lol. Pregnancy is definitely heavy, mine seems to be pushing me around these days...

ronald4lif:
Not true. Men who are breadwinners do this all the time. Is the child not his?. It's his responsibility (same as the wife) to look after his child regardless if he's cooking or not.

The day more men begin to think like you, maybe we'll have happier marriages in Nigeria. It is not usually easy with mother's who have to work too.

Built2last:
The incissant attacks and bomb blasts is becoming worrisome.... may we not relax and allow these bokoboys regroup again to a full blown army....When i look at what is happening at syria and Iraq and Afghanistan with all their suffistications and western back up...i conclude that terror is here to stay...we can only manage it.

My dear, i'm beginning to think same way. The Bible already told us that all these are signs of the end time, so I fear that things may only get worse. May God save us in Jesus name, Amen.

When a man is happy at home it reflects everywhere, even in his place of work; so little wonder the man won the re-election. A man who is not happy will never come and be kissing his wife all the time in public, it shows that he really loves her so i'm happy for them.

I support removal of fuel subsidy. However, before this can be done the incoming Goverment must stabilize power supply. HOw do they expect us to cope without light and still pay hundreds for a litre of fuel when we are not even sure where the money will be going to. At least if light is stable, the impact of subsidy removal will not be felt so much; we won't need fuel to power our generators since there will be no need for generating sets, fuel will be maybe just to transport our selves around.

If it were to be just fuel that was the issue, maybe one would have had hope. We drove the little fuel in our car today all the way to Oshodi looking for cooking gas to buy, all to no avail. Price of kerosene has gone up as well too. I dunno where this country is headed to but we can only continue to pray...

Info reaching me about thirty minutes ago has it that two fuel tankers just fell at Army Junction, the entrance into the People's Paradise. This has caused a raging fire and made the road impassable for motorists who now have to use alternative routes.

My sister who stays around there had to run away with her children for safety. I pray that the fire has not entered hers and other buildings as it took the fire service a while to get to the location, but they are there now.

God help us, Amen!

Pasca07: jeeeez are u for real?they should extend to nine months? That mean you want them to resume by next year may or june?chai nairaland don suffer oooooo

Yes they should extend for nine months, or for however long it will take to find a cure to ebola. Did u watch network news yesterday, have you heard what ebola is doing to Liberians?

Honestly, I think schools should be left closed till January next year. Ebola is not a joke and if everything has to be tailored around ebola, I don't think we will have much to loose. Schools can be made to run four, instead of three sessions next year. It has happened in Nigeria before, when the Government was to change the school system to the present "6334" system, so why can't same be done now for an issue as serious as ebola? Elections can be tailored to run during the 2-3weeks termly breaks.

We were told that treatment for ebola will be found within 6-9months so why can't we wait? The long-term benefits will be more than the short-term ones, even for Teachers. I also thought Teachers are paid according to an annual pay on their appointment letters, and not according to whether schools are in session or not. So a teacher that is to receive pay twelve times a year will be paid accordingly whether or not schools are in session. Schools are supposed to have an emergency fund they can run to in times like this. Besides if they run four terms next year, they still get their full four-term school fees, so what is the loss there?

If this ebola gets into schools eh, the results are better imagined! We are lucky it started in big cities like Lagos, Enugu and PH. Now, imagine that ebola gets into some local school in the north? Nigerians please let us think safety first oh. No need to put the health sector under further strain when certain things could have been avoided. Doctors have advised that schools be shut down till December or January and I think they know what they are saying...

2face is undoubtedly one of Nigeria and Africa's biggest artistes.

Over the years, he has released many songs with lots of them becoming mega hits and I am a big fan of his.

Amongst his many songs, which is your favourite? Even for me, this is a very difficult question to answer but I love his latest collaboration with Sir Victor Olaiya titled "Baby Mi Da/Baby Jowo" so much.

It's a perfect blend of old and the new school, and a smooth blend of high life, jazz, funk, reggae & afro-hiphop. This song has cross over appeal and I think it's his best so far. . . .

Which is yours? Is it African Queen, nfana ibaga, rainbow, implication, e be like say etc. Just drop yours, let's appreciate one of our own

Bring it on. . . .

Welcome move by the FGN. For those arguing that this move is not necessary, they probably should have a re-think. A two year old will not know how and when to wash his hands, use hand sanitizers, avoid body contacts with his playmates; they will pick and eat things from any surface, etc. How many of them can the Teacher properly attend to? As for church gatherings, the choice is yours as Govt may not be expected to dabble into religious matters. My church has stopped shaking of hands and I have since stopped letting my toddler attend Sunday school class; she sits right with me until service is over and I won't let any one help me carry her. With this ebola thing, one can never be too careful. May God save us from it and soon enough, Amen.

Adesuwa, you are not serious oh. I already bought salt worth N170 this morning, with plans to buy more by Monday. Well, thanks for telling us, atleast my family doesn't have to destroy their skin with salt. Come carry your salt for my bag oh...

This Chidinma and Grace Amah, who small pass sef?

Tolexander: talking about the scripture, the mental illness isn't as defined as it is today. The bible talked about many illness and demon possessed beings, but i've never seen in the bible where mental illness is as 'medically' defined.
A related but not similar case is when Cain was made a wanderer after killing his brother, Abel in Genesis 4 vs 11-12. And also King Nebuchadnezzar in Daniel 4.

Pls house, talking about Tolexander's post above I have an important question that needs answers. While not trying to be deviant, I was asked this question but could not answer it. Who created Cain's wife? We are told in Genesis 4 that Adam and Eve met and birthed Cain and Abel. Cain killed Abel and wandered off to another land were he married and bore children. Who did he marry since the first creation was Adam and Eve who then birthed Cain and Abel?

sandijey: This atheist make me laugh a lot. How can u honestly think that after death is nothing......Hmmmmmn have you ever asked yourselves what if?? all I know is in death "everything becomes clearer".
To the op, people don't just go mad. To the best of my knowledge I believe emotional instability and drug abuse are major reasons for people to go mad. Then off course the spiritual aspect of it which I won't talk about. Then we also have imbeciles which brings back my strong believe of incarnation. I believe God is just and not bias. There is also a reason for every and anything that happens. Bad things just don't happen to good people. Good things just don't happen to bad people. Everybody must get their reward. I believe mad people go to heaven because their madness on earth is an atonement for their sins. I also believe imbeciles etc go to heaven.
Thats just my believe.........

Sandijey, are u for real? So madness is atonement for sin and no more need for hell fire? I pray then that I become mad before I die so I'll have atoned for my sins and will go straight to Heaven. So madness is some kind of Purgatory now?

@ Poster, the logical thing to think is that a mad person's relationship with God before he went mental will determine where he will go at death; and for infants that were born with mental issues, they will make Heaven since they never sinned any way. Just my opinion sha, God's ways are not our ways...

So when mad people do make Heaven, will they still be mad or will they be sane in Heaven?

Siena: Without bothering to read the entire, unparagraphed epistle, I would agree with your friends.

Why can't you do your house chores yourself? You say you're not lazy, but your comments suggest otherwise. Newly married, no children to get under your feet, you're not pregnant, yet you find house chores "stressful"? If you think you're under stress now, wait till the kids come along, when you have an active toddler, and you're 32 weeks pregnant. I wonder what your "stress" will manifest into then? When you'll have loads more clothes to wash, diapers to change, nursing an infant, sleepless nights etc.

My wife looks after both our children without ANY help. An active two-year-old and a two-and-half-week-old baby. Yes, she copes fine, I do as much as I can to help when I get home from work. But we've never even considered getting in outside help - we both have relatives we could invite to help out, but why should we?

If you're truly adamant about placing your household responsibilities on the shoulders of others, because you can't (won't?) cope, then there's no right or wrong time to call in reinforcements. Just remember, most households are generally happier if things are dealt with in-house.

Good luck.

Dear Siena,

from your post it seems to me like your wife does not work,because if she does she'll most likely need some help with two kids. The poster says she works and that is why she thinks she may need some help when she gets married. You also say you assist your wife as much as you can, please what exactly do u assist her with; do you change diapers, bathe the kids or wash their feeding bottles or clothes, or you see those as a woman's job?

Well, at poster my advice to you is this: you may not need a househelp immediately after marriage but once you start having kids and sense that you need some help, pls run and get a househelp so you can live long! The househelp must not be live-in, she may be the type that comes and goes when you return from work, whatever works for you and your husband. Except ofcourse you have a husband who does not mind doing house chores (very few men do not mind, anyway).

Picture this scenario in the life of a working mum; she returns from work by 7pm and with her suit goes into the kitchen to fix dinner (her husband may have come home earlier than her but the lazy ass cannot even warm food for himself because it's not a man's job to do that). She bathes the children, does the dishes, washes feeding bottles (if she's nursing an infant), does a little of the children's laundry and any other chore that needs to be done. Before she bathes herself and goes to bed, it's already 12midnight(her weekends are not any different as they are loaded with activities like shopping, cleaning, mopping, cooking and refrigerating, church activities, washing, ironing and not a single minute to rest). Meanwhile her husband had dozed off for the night right after dinner by 8pm or 9pm in the name of tiredness from work(meanwhile Dear Wife also got back from work - she pro'lly passed through the market too). As she lies down to catch some 4-5hours of sleep (meanwhile a working brain requires eight hours of a good night's sleep),Oga suddenly turns in his sleep requesting that they make love. How unselfish! How do you even expect this kind of tired woman to be able to satisfy her husband in bed, because even in her sleep, she's dreaming of the chores she has to do the following day? At the end of the day both husband and wife are frustrated and thesame thing they are trying to avoid by refusing to get a househelp is what happens - the man goes outside to seek sexual fulfillment.

African men need to understand that a wife is a wife and not a slave! A well-rested woman is a happier woman and will have more time to even take care of herself and look attractive to her husband. So if you really love your wife, you wont mind helping her out with some chores (especially when she contributes financially to the upkeep of the family too), or atleast finding her someone to assist. Check out the dictionary and Bible meanings of a wife. She's not your cook, drycleaner or house-cleaner; you should hire these if you need them. And if she is okay doing them, you should not make her life revolve around chores.

Mbechun007 is my nominee for her highly educative posts on the job section.

Bassey Ikpi, the Nigerian born US based poet was diagnosed of Bipolar 11 disorder and has been on treatment since then. She currently creates awareness about this disorder
through her Advocacy group. Bassey is presently in Nigeria and can be reached @basseyworldlive on twitter. She would tell you all you need to know from a patient's perspective.

Bassey Ikpi, the Nigerian born US based poet was diagnosed of Bipolar 11 disorder and has been on treatment since then. She currently creates awareness about the disease through her Advocacy group. Bassey is presently in Nigeria and can be reached @basseyworldlive in twitter. She would tell you all you need to know from a patient's perspective.

I drive a 2003 Mitsubuishi Montero Sport and I have this 'SRS' light alway showing on my dashboard. Secondly, My 'Service Engine Soon' light shows when about to start the car but doesn't show when the ignition is on. Kindly assist.

Sauron V Dr. Kitaun 2007
Fynewaka V Jackal 2006/2007
Loyika V Sauron. 2007
IslanderVwhitelexi/Chifoh/fynewaka 2007
Pataki v Islander
Fynewaka V Razorr

Sports section used to be the best back in the years.

Come to think of it, isn't it this same station that organized a Kangaroo presidential debate that GEJ refused to honour? The Federal might has finally grounded it.

A Tokunbo 2003 Montero Sports would cost you about 1.1m. Just up your budget a bit.

Hei how did we forget this? When the heroine's father is always very wealthy, most likely to be Olu Jacobs and they live in a mansion with lot of maids, yet they never show Olu Jacob at work and we do not know how he makes those millions coz he's always at home monitoring whom his daughter is dating!