ojdollars:


@SAFO ... I nor remember say I talk to you... Who sounds like a Broken Record? Just imagine the way you displaying your low self esteem in a public forum. Don't quote any of my post ever, I don't talk to people like you, I ain't in your league Sir..

I beg I'm not here to argue with you. Just telling you that your post is misguided.

KenGali: @ OP. Do not mind some of the posters here, cause due to economic situation in Nigeria, many of us only have an economic value for relationships.

I just want u to understand what has happened so you can decide the way forward.
The man you spoke of was not gold digging since he did not marry you to get immigration papers, so we are talking of someone who was geniunely interested in you.
If the marriage certificate you saw is from a church, and not a court, it is geniune, He is married to a Nigerian woman.
The birth certificate may not be geniune, Nigerians often lie about their age to get jobs and avoid retirement. Nigerian men will not lie about their age in a relationships cause its not a barrier. only Nigerian women often lie about their age when they are older than the man. So, I think the age he told you, is likely his true age. I so hate people lying about their age though.

You need, to look at your relationship with him before the seven years, Did you give him the impression you were not willing to marry him?
11 years is very long for dating. But the stuff is that the man has been likely under a lot of family pressure to get married as soon as he hits his 30s and can Feed himself. It's worse if his sister lives close to him, cause they monitor and chaperone him like a baby. Nigerian mothers, sisters and aunties seem to have this foreboding of their son marrying foreign or white women. The son gets constantly warned that they will be lonely when they age and go back to Nigeria, cause the wife and children will refuse to come with them. Also, the fact that you already have a child makes him marrying you a very difficult idea for his family, culturally we are very uptight about broken homes or children out of wedlock. An Igbo woman having a child out of wedlock, makes her chances of marriage one in a thousand.

So true, the man you love, for seven years was under pressure from family, considering the probability of going back to Nigeria without you and future children, and had difficulty to justify marrying a single mother to his family. That's why he succumbed to marry a woman from home, whom he hardly knows, but who will satisfy his family and be there when ever he decides go back home. Apart from that I see that he tried to brave it, by trying to get a baby with you, which would have made him a father out of wedlock, making it easier for him to marry you. What I doubt by the long years, and your willingness to remain aloof with each other ( you and him being limited in each others house) is that you ever showed that you wanted marriage, since you wanted no baby.

Now, he is still enjoying the relationship, hoping you never find out. As long as you do not leave, that new wife will never come to the US, that's why he has opted to travel to Nigeria annually, and try to get children with her there. So it's left for you to decide what you want, you can leave, but you can also have him for as long as you want without a marriage between you. Also note that Igbos are not very polygamous, so unlike some people suggest, nothing you do will make him put a ring around your finger if he already has a wife he does not wish to let go.

My advice to anybody who wants to genuinely marry an Igbo man is, get involved with his family first ( culturally marriage for us is between families and not just individuals, so do not presume you can control him more than his family, our mothers and sisters play a very important role in who and how we marry), Before this you must consider if you are willing to live in Nigeria with this man when ever he moves back or visits. An Igbo man will either move back home on retiring, or maintain a good contact by visiting often. Like the Jews we never forget homeland. Having a contact with his family will tell you the truth.

this is the truth, the truth and nothing but the truth, very articulately put

duni04: Its really amazing how rotten Nigerians have become. Can't believe pple are standing up in support of someone that has lied about his age, or forged a birth certificate, someone that went behind his gf's back and got married. God knows what else he's done behind her back. That kind of person is capable of great evil. What d OP should do is very obvious, she's just dulling herself by asking again. M very sure if she digs deeper she'll even find more dirt. To protect urself from all d oda mess ur yet to uncover, run while u can.

what do you mean great evil?he only married in nigeria and did not tell his girl friend,and the birth certificate thing is also evil in your own opinion? people kill their wives or girl friends, rob them or even rape them and what do you call this people and oh.. you have never told a lie in your whole entire life..eh?..you innocent saint

duni04: Its really amazing how rotten Nigerians have become. Can't believe pple are standing up in support of someone that has lied about his age, or forged a birth certificate, someone that went behind his gf's back and got married. God knows what else he's done behind her back. That kind of person is capable of great evil. What d OP should do is very obvious, she's just dulling herself by asking again. M very sure if she digs deeper she'll even find more dirt. To protect urself from all d oda mess ur yet to uncover, run while u can.

what do you mean great evil?he only married in nigeria and did not tell his girl friend,and the birth certificate thing is also evil in your own opinion? people kill their wives or girl friends, rob them or even rape them and what do you call this people and oh.. you have never told a lie in your whole entire life..eh?..you innocent saint,you do not have any idea what is like to live in foreign land

ojdollars: @Nigerians.... It's funny how some people can just comment on this post and start crucifying this Nigerian Easterner. I mean, not just a Nigerian... But A Nigerian Medical Doctor in the US... This story is far from Gold digging... This Black Americans in America seems to think that they are very smart, especially when they assume they are pretty. A Medical Doctor, giving you is all, that guy is over $100,000usd = #15 Million Naira richer annually. He could have just pay for sex from every and any corner in America, sex na like hand shake for this place. No cultural value, a nation where women with another man's pregnancy goes out there to lay with another man with it. If you ask me, the Gold digger here is this woman... For Christ sake, this guy already got his command, his swag before he met this Akata trouble trouble lady. He has been dating her years before that marriage certificate was issued. Why didn't she give a green light for Marriage if she is not among one of those ladies whose duty is to reap where they have not sown? An Igbo man showering you with gifts, taking care of you, paying bills for you. In fact he met you in the American system and took you out, made a positive impact in you and you dare have the guts to come to a Nigerian forum to castigate yet another one Nigerian again.

For all those who don't know what we are worth, I will tell you today. There are no men like Nigerian men anywhere in the world.... Especially in the States... If you don't live in America, you won't understand the attitude, the psychology of this women here. She only came to tell you this sweet talk everyone here to drew sympathy to herself. You know He is married now, leave him alone. Na our Son, we nor dey reject our children, come rain, come sun. Doctors are hot cake in America, you ungrateful lazy ass Akata. Mtscheewww.



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GBAM! nwanne biko, tell them

r231:

Bite me.

SAFO:

I beg I'm not here to argue with you. Just telling you that your post is misguided.

Sounds like he was rejected by a lazy akata.

[quote author=MainAttraction][/quote]


Heeeeeeeey girl! How r u?

Mrs.Chima:



Sounds like he was rejected by a lazy akata.

Yeah probably, but what really irks me though is this "greater than thou" mentality that we always see a lot of.

We all wipe our azz the same way. One bucket of water or tissue paper at a time (though I prefer tissue paper).

Okay, its boxing day and l have finished un-boxing all the Gifts, now l have time on my hand!

Let us summarize first:

1.) African American sister was 21yrs when she met our Bruvda, they were together for 11yrs, broke-up 7years ago and came back together.

a) Sister is now 38yrs old (27 + 11). Bruvda is 42yrs (31 + 11)
b) Sister was 31yrs when they broke off. Brother was 35yrs (real or cooked age).

2.) Brother is a Medical Doctor, he wanted her to have his baby when she was 31yrs, SHE REFUSED, according to her statement. She said Brother changed her life for Good and dotted over her. They lived apart over 11yrs.

a) Brother did not love her for "papers" but the love was genuine
b) It was HER CHOICE that they do not get any closer to marriage.
c) If she wanted, she would have married him when he was available, seven years ago!
d) At 35yrs of age, "Complete Man" like these brother (now he is 31 + 11 = 42years!) needs to settle down and have a family
e) Sister already have a child of her own, from another relationship thus, if the relationship was to continue as "it were", Brother will be the looser! Brother got to think fast and decide!

3.) He has a sister who lives 30Mins away from his house. You saw a marriage Cert on his Computer. You saw a Ring on his finger, Brother says it was a gift!

a) The lady that was seen with him could have been that sister of his.
b) His real or imagined age has nothing to do with your relationship anyway.
c) The Ring you saw on his finger could have been a wedding ring and the event could have happened when you broke up (most likely from what you posted). That he married when you broke up is perfectly legal and right.
d) That he did not tell you afterwards or lied about the Ring is "WRONG and absolutely unnecessary" though one could understand",...the kind of lies men and women say, to keep from loosing a loved one. But that still does not make it right. You both wanted each other, as much as the other.

4) Why does he not have his wife here and is he going to leave her for you NOW, if you get pregnant for him?
a) You have LOST the opportunity to be his wife.
You chose to REMAIN his Girl Friend b[/b]y:
*Living separate lives for 11yrs in terms of separate homes, no keys to each others flat, no pregnancy, no kids, no long-term commitment of any kind except sex!
b) He does not have his wife with him in USA, for reasons best known to him (it may include the fact that he is not settled emotionally, Visa issues for her and any children involved or he may even prefer they stay back in Nigeria where he can give them the kind of "cultural and moral implantation of his taste, as long as his wife agrees with him on that)
c) Dont waste your time in getting pregnant for him, if the only reason is that you want him to marry you and dump his Nigerian wife.
It wont work! The best you can get out of him now is [b]a COMPANION.
You cant eat your cake and have it at the same time.

As far as l am concerned, the only thing he did wrong was not coming out to tell you he is married/getting married to someone else (since you dont want long term commitments).
Even that is understandable.
You are not his wife, he did not promise you marriage and you are not expecting him to marry you (at least by your conduct and actions w.r.t pregnancy and living together).
So, he does not even owe you that explanation, morally and legally speaking.

Now, your CHOICE have been made a long time ago, by YOURSELF.
You decided he was not the man for you when you refused to have his child, after a long courtship (when you have your own child from another man!). You did not even make effort to meet his sister who lives 30mins away from his house!
Habba, which kain wife you for be sef?

I also know for a fact that when relationships go sour (as in this case), the party "reporting the matter" usually embellish it and soup-it-up in a way to make them appear like the victim.
I have seen and heard this over and over again and experience tells me you are doing the same.
Thats the reason some think your story does not add-up or that it is "made-up". Dont fool us please.

Finally, this matter is too clear-cut for you to be asking for "ADVICE"!

MOVE-ON if you dont like the situation ON GROUND or are not prepared to be "second wife" (even though you sef na second-hand woman and at 38yrs ), count yourself very lucky that you met a nice Igbo man who is caring enough as you described him.

On the other hand, if you think he gives you so much tender loving that can COMPENSATE for his being attached to another woman (his wife), then MAKE THE BEST OF YOUR TIME TOGETHER with a "clear-cut agreement" to move-on whenever it suits you. Its your move,now.

Dont ever come here whining and moaning about how wicked Nigerian men are.
What were you thinking you were like, when he asked you to be his wife and mother of his children, 7years ago and YOU REFUSED? .....An ANGEL, huh?

Nairaland is getting tired of all these 'cry-cry babies' walahi!

Its your decision to make. I wish you LUCK AND loads of Love, going forward.

Lastpage!

BTW: Dont mind all these useless "non-Nigerians women" who infiltrate this website to speak jargon about things they know nada about. They are living in denial and cant put their mouth where their money is.
They cant even stay in their own country's website cos they dont have "real men" there!

SAFO:

Yeah probably, but what really irks me though is this "greater than thou" mentality that we always see a lot of.

We all wipe our azz the same way. One bucket of water or tissue paper at a time (though I prefer tissue paper).

He spoke with such venom and ignorance...I felt sorry for him....kind of.
By the way....I shit standing up.

ojdollars: @Nigerians.... It's funny how some people can just comment on this post and start crucifying this Nigerian Easterner. I mean, not just a Nigerian... But A Nigerian Medical Doctor in the US... This story is far from Gold digging... This Black Americans in America seems to think that they are very smart, especially when they assume they are pretty. A Medical Doctor, giving you is all, that guy is over $100,000usd = #15 Million Naira richer annually. He could have just pay for sex from every and any corner in America, sex na like hand shake for this place. No cultural value, a nation where women with another man's pregnancy goes out there to lay with another man with it. If you ask me, the Gold digger here is this woman... For Christ sake, this guy already got his command, his swag before he met this Akata trouble trouble lady. He has been dating her years before that marriage certificate was issued. Why didn't she give a green light for Marriage if she is not among one of those ladies whose duty is to reap where they have not sown? An Igbo man showering you with gifts, taking care of you, paying bills for you. In fact he met you in the American system and took you out, made a positive impact in you and you dare have the guts to come to a Nigerian forum to castigate yet another one Nigerian again.

For all those who don't know what we are worth, I will tell you today. There are no men like Nigerian men anywhere in the world.... Especially in the States... If you don't live in America, you won't understand the attitude, the psychology of this women here. She only came to tell you this sweet talk everyone here to drew sympathy to herself. You know He is married now, leave him alone. Na our Son, we nor dey reject our children, come rain, come sun. Doctors are hot cake in America, you ungrateful lazy ass Akata. Mtscheewww.



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I live in America, I'm African American, and I'm a woman. Do tell me how all of us 'are'? I'm so tired of the bullshit and being categorised as if we are all autonomous. You don't know every African American woman in the U.S. just because you may have had bad experiences with some black women (or men) don't project that onto everyone.

You don't know this lady, so to assume that she is the gold digger simply because she is a black woman is crazy.

I come from a good family, I have my own money, I have my education. Lol and damn sure don't need to run to a Nigerian, or any man, for any type of money whatsoever lol. When I met my ex, he was working in retail and was just pursuing his LVN, I was in college working on a bachelors. He was broke as hell, but that didn't matter because I thought I was in 'love' with him.

My point is dont generalize what you think to be true on all of us. We might surprise you

Only Nigerian women can handle Nigerian men, every other country just enter one chance.


OP, you have two possible options:
1. Move on with your life and leave the man alone.
2. Get used to the fact that he's married and continue your relationship with him. On the plus side, you get to spend over 10mths with him, while his wife gets 6weeks.

uj_sizzle: Only Nigerian women can handle Nigerian men, every other country just enter one chance.


OP, you have two possible options:
1. Move on with your life and leave the man alone.
2. Get used to the fact that he's married and continue your relationship with him. On the plus side, you get to spend over 10mths with him, while his wife gets 6weeks.

It's narrow minded thinking like this that continues to perpetuate those negative stereotypes and r3tard growth as a community.

Instead of trying to pigeonhole "the Nigerian man", why not choose to enlighten?

Mrs.Chima:



Heeeeeeeey girl! How r u?

I'm good girl, and you!??

SAFO:

It's narrow minded thinking like this that continues to perpetuate those negative stereotypes and r3tard growth as a community.

Instead of trying to pigeonhole "the Nigerian man", why not choose to enlighten?

lmao when u're done spewing ur guts, move on.

MainAttraction:

I'm good girl, and you!??

Good as a fried chicken on a Sunday!!

Mrs.Chima:


Good as a fried chicken on a Sunday!!

I've missed you Mrs. Chima

Lmao at only Naija women can handle the men.


Unlike dumb aZz women around the world...Naija men are no different than other niggas.

Mrs.Chima:


Good as a fried chicken on a Sunday!!

Lmao my mom made some fried chicken yesterday for Christmas. Mmmm we tore it up. She's been on this health kick for the past few months so no fried foods smh lol

acidosis™:


I've missed you Mrs. Chima

Awwss. Me miss you sugar!

uj_sizzle:
lmao when u're done spewing ur guts, move on.

..... But am i lying?

Or do you really believe what u said?

SAFO:

..... But am i lying?

Or do you really believe what u said?

it's your opinion, who's to say if u're lying? Drop it, i really don't have the time to go back n forth explaining myself.

MainAttraction:

Lmao my mom made some fried chicken yesterday for Christmas. Mmmm we tore it up. She's been on this health kick for the past few months so no fried foods smh lol

New year thingie?

Okay o I digress.

MainAttraction:

I live in America, I'm African American, and I'm a woman. Do tell me how all of us 'are'? I'm so tired of the bullshit and being categorised as if we are all autonomous. You don't know every African American woman in the U.S. just because you may have had bad experiences with some black women (or men) don't project that onto everyone.

You don't know this lady, so to assume that she is the gold digger simply because she is a black woman is crazy.

I come from a good family, I have my own money, I have my education. Lol and damn sure don't need to run to a Nigerian, or any man, for any type of money whatsoever lol. When I met my ex, he was working in retail and was just pursuing his LVN, I was in college working on a bachelors. He was broke as hell, but that didn't matter because I thought I was in 'love' with him.

My point is dont generalize what you think to be true on all of
us. We might surprise you

Dear, do not stress about SOME Nigerians, they scream murder when people treat them differently, they shout we do not have life when we try to get to know and mingle with
them. Its misery that couses this. There is onle 0000, 01 % percent.of non Nigerians with non nigerian affiliation on this forum but they always use it as a desperation act. I gave up long time ago. I.D.C now about what they say or think.

uj_sizzle: Only Nigerian women can handle Nigerian men, every other country just enter one chance.


OP, you have two possible options:
1. Move on with your life and leave the man alone.
2. Get used to the fact that he's married and continue your relationship with him. On the plus side, you get to spend over 10mths with him, while his wife gets 6weeks.

I agree with your advice to the Op but, all women can handle any man in the world if they use their skills and advantages of being a woman.

sweetcheecks:
Dear, do not stress about SOME Nigerians, they scream murder when people treat them differently, they shout we do not have life when we try to get to know and mingle with
them. Its misery that couses this. There is onle 0000, 01 % percent.of non Nigerians with non nigerian affiliation on this forum but they always use it as a desperation act. I gave up long time ago. I.D.C now about what they say or think.

Why do you hate Nigerians??

shymexx:

Why do you hate Nigerians??

No Symexx, I do not hate nigerians just do not like their coping skills. I rather feel sorry for them. My naija man is soo localised he sees himself as local rather than a foreigner.

Mrs.Chima:


Awwss. Me miss you sugar!

*smiles*

sweetcheecks:

No Symexx, I do not hate nigerians just do not like their coping skills. I rather feel sorry for them. My naija man is soo localised he sees himself as local rather than a foreigner.

So, you don't like my coping skills as well, huh??

shymexx:

So, you don't like my coping skills as well, huh??

I think you not helping. But coping very well