@ OP. Do not mind some of the posters here, cause due to economic situation in Nigeria, many of us only have an economic value for relationships.

I just want u to understand what has happened so you can decide the way forward.
The man you spoke of was not gold digging since he did not marry you to get immigration papers, so we are talking of someone who was geniunely interested in you.
If the marriage certificate you saw is from a church, and not a court, it is geniune, He is married to a Nigerian woman.
The birth certificate may not be geniune, Nigerians often lie about their age to get jobs and avoid retirement. Nigerian men will not lie about their age in a relationships cause its not a barrier. only Nigerian women often lie about their age when they are older than the man. So, I think the age he told you, is likely his true age. I so hate people lying about their age though.

You need, to look at your relationship with him before the seven years, Did you give him the impression you were not willing to marry him?
11 years is very long for dating. But the stuff is that the man has been likely under a lot of family pressure to get married as soon as he hits his 30s and can Feed himself. It's worse if his sister lives close to him, cause they monitor and chaperone him like a baby. Nigerian mothers, sisters and aunties seem to have this foreboding of their son marrying foreign or white women. The son gets constantly warned that they will be lonely when they age and go back to Nigeria, cause the wife and children will refuse to come with them. Also, the fact that you already have a child makes him marrying you a very difficult idea for his family, culturally we are very uptight about broken homes or children out of wedlock. An Igbo woman having a child out of wedlock, makes her chances of marriage one in a thousand.

So true, the man you love, for seven years was under pressure from family, considering the probability of going back to Nigeria without you and future children, and had difficulty to justify marrying a single mother to his family. That's why he succumbed to marry a woman from home, whom he hardly knows, but who will satisfy his family and be there when ever he decides go back home. Apart from that I see that he tried to brave it, by trying to get a baby with you, which would have made him a father out of wedlock, making it easier for him to marry you. What I doubt by the long years, and your willingness to remain aloof with each other ( you and him being limited in each others house) is that you ever showed that you wanted marriage, since you wanted no baby.

Now, he is still enjoying the relationship, hoping you never find out. As long as you do not leave, that new wife will never come to the US, that's why he has opted to travel to Nigeria annually, and try to get children with her there. So it's left for you to decide what you want, you can leave, but you can also have him for as long as you want without a marriage between you. Also note that Igbos are not very polygamous, so unlike some people suggest, nothing you do will make him put a ring around your finger if he already has a wife he does not wish to let go.

My advice to anybody who wants to genuinely marry an Igbo man is, get involved with his family first ( culturally marriage for us is between families and not just individuals, so do not presume you can control him more than his family, our mothers and sisters play a very important role in who and how we marry), Before this you must consider if you are willing to live in Nigeria with this man when ever he moves back or visits. An Igbo man will either move back home on retiring, or maintain a good contact by visiting often. Like the Jews we never forget homeland. Having a contact with his family will tell you the truth.

ogugua88: Two words: dump him.

Does she sound like she's in a position to dump anybody??

gst101: this is nonsense

Yeah! Says the one who knows it all.

kwangi: Does she sound like she's in a position to dump anybody??

In which position does she need to be? Na corner kick she wan take?

mondi_cheeks: u can judge me if u want

why should I? I dnt judge book by its cover... If am to judge u now.. I would say u are emotionally disturbed becoz of the way u picked on my post.. Buh i wnt do dat coz i may be completely wrong...

ogugua88:

In which position does she need to be? Na corner kick she wan take?

lol

Namzgurl: Ok, I have been with my boyfriend for almost eleven years and I love him very much. I am African American and he is Nigerian (Igbo) he inspired me to go back to school when I first met him, now I am an RN. He happens to be a doctor here in US. We have gone on many trips but none to Nigeria. I have never met anyone from his family and he has a sister that lives about 30Min away from him whom he says he is not close with. I spend quite a bit of time at his home but he has never left me alone there nor do I have a key, but he doesn't have one to my place either. About 7 years ago he told me his sisters didn't approve of our relationship and we decided to end it we both hugged and cried. I was devastated, Three months went by and he called me telling me he loved me and missed me and didn't want to lose me. So, During this time a friend of mine told me she seen him and another women at the post office together. So about 2 weeks later he showed up at my door and we went to dinner to talk and ended up being intimate that night. That same night I noticed a ring on his finger and Said what did u go and get married and he said no it was a gift his sister bought him and since I have never seen it again. Since we got back together back in 2007 he has consistently tried to get me to gave a baby, but i refuse. My daughter has often said she thinks he is married and I feel it is true,he goes home once a year for 6 weeks. I have asked him and he denies it. So, recently I was on his computer at his home and it got a virus, I told him I would take it the following day to the computer store to get it removed. I know if you look for stuff u will find it. Well, I was on his computer and I opened up 2 files and one was a marriage certificate from the church in Nigeria (Enugu) and it was dated 2007 and the other was a passport showing his true age he is 10 years older than he told me he was which I'm ok with the age but why lie and married. I am torn and why doesn't his wife live here? I need advice, I so love this man and he babies me and is so affectionate. Who can live a double life and what if I would have had a baby, he is not going to leave his wife. Help!!! I was 27 when I met him and thought he was 31 years.

Smh..and I thought African Americans were smart

Namzgurl: Ok, I have been with my boyfriend for almost eleven years and I love him very much. I am African American and he is Nigerian (Igbo) he inspired me to go back to school when I first met him, now I am an RN. He happens to be a doctor here in US. We have gone on many trips but none to Nigeria. I have never met anyone from his family and he has a sister that lives about 30Min away from him whom he says he is not close with. I spend quite a bit of time at his home but he has never left me alone there nor do I have a key, but he doesn't have one to my place either. About 7 years ago he told me his sisters didn't approve of our relationship and we decided to end it we both hugged and cried. I was devastated, Three months went by and he called me telling me he loved me and missed me and didn't want to lose me. So, During this time a friend of mine told me she seen him and another women at the post office together. So about 2 weeks later he showed up at my door and we went to dinner to talk and ended up being intimate that night. That same night I noticed a ring on his finger and Said what did u go and get married and he said no it was a gift his sister bought him and since I have never seen it again. Since we got back together back in 2007 he has consistently tried to get me to gave a baby, but i refuse. My daughter has often said she thinks he is married and I feel it is true,he goes home once a year for 6 weeks. I have asked him and he denies it. So, recently I was on his computer at his home and it got a virus, I told him I would take it the following day to the computer store to get it removed. I know if you look for stuff u will find it. Well, I was on his computer and I opened up 2 files and one was a marriage certificate from the church in Nigeria (Enugu) and it was dated 2007 and the other was a passport showing his true age he is 10 years older than he told me he was which I'm ok with the age but why lie and married. I am torn and why doesn't his wife live here? I need advice, I so love this man and he babies me and is so affectionate. Who can live a double life and what if I would have had a baby, he is not going to leave his wife. Help!!! I was 27 when I met him and thought he was 31 years.

BOLLOCKS!

Aint we suppose to b unboxing gifts.? Happy Boxing Boy

Its really amazing how rotten Nigerians have become. Can't believe pple are standing up in support of someone that has lied about his age, or forged a birth certificate, someone that went behind his gf's back and got married. God knows what else he's done behind her back. That kind of person is capable of great evil. What d OP should do is very obvious, she's just dulling herself by asking again. M very sure if she digs deeper she'll even find more dirt. To protect urself from all d oda mess ur yet to uncover, run while u can.

seedord247:

Isia ki.... Dont have time for a jobless mofo like you

Hahaha... E pain u ni. Bros one love,Happy Xmas. But pls learn how to eat proper so that u can reason well. Too much oil is not good to ur brain!

A̶̲̥̅♏ an IGBO from Enugu state Nigeria, Please call me with this number and I will tell you what to do.07057363628, is obviouse that †ђξ man in question love you.Is not ur fault

Namzgurl: Ok, I have been with my boyfriend for almost eleven years and I love him very much. I am African American and he is Nigerian (Igbo) he inspired me to go back to school when I first met him, now I am an RN. He happens to be a doctor here in US. We have gone on many trips but none to Nigeria. I have never met anyone from his family and he has a sister that lives about 30Min away from him whom he says he is not close with. I spend quite a bit of time at his home but he has never left me alone there nor do I have a key, but he doesn't have one to my place either. About 7 years ago he told me his sisters didn't approve of our relationship and we decided to end it we both hugged and cried. I was devastated, Three months went by and he called me telling me he loved me and missed me and didn't want to lose me. So, During this time a friend of mine told me she seen him and another women at the post office together. So about 2 weeks later he showed up at my door and we went to dinner to talk and ended up being intimate that night. That same night I noticed a ring on his finger and Said what did u go and get married and he said no it was a gift his sister bought him and since I have never seen it again. Since we got back together back in 2007 he has consistently tried to get me to gave a baby, but i refuse. My daughter has often said she thinks he is married and I feel it is true,he goes home once a year for 6 weeks. I have asked him and he denies it. So, recently I was on his computer at his home and it got a virus, I told him I would take it the following day to the computer store to get it removed. I know if you look for stuff u will find it. Well, I was on his computer and I opened up 2 files and one was a marriage certificate from the church in Nigeria (Enugu) and it was dated 2007 and the other was a passport showing his true age he is 10 years older than he told me he was which I'm ok with the age but why lie and married. I am torn and why doesn't his wife live here? I need advice, I so love this man and he babies me and is so affectionate. Who can live a double life and what if I would have had a baby, he is not going to leave his wife. Help!!! I was 27 when I met him and thought he was 31 years.

all these stuffs u wrote here ar wash, no atom of truth at all

Movingcoil: all these stuffs u wrote here ar wash, no atom of truth at all

u ar an african american and not even a word dat u wrote got influenced wid ur accent instead ur grammatical error seems like dat of a togolese

.

huni_naija:

Which kind yeye love? Keep deceiving yourself with love.. I pray love will not be your downfall!

is dat y ur name is huni naija, always horney and ur ujiri is always scratching u dat u need toothpick 2 scrape it ie y u don't care about love instead u subscribed to pay as u go

huni_naija:

Hehehe.. I'd rather be a pagan than a mumu deceived by love..

nne u ar just a fustrated loafer swimming in confusion

ogugua88: Two words: dump him.

So who go lose?

duni04: Its really amazing how rotten Nigerians have become. Can't believe pple are standing up in support of someone that has lied about his age, or forged a birth certificate, someone that went behind his gf's back and got married. God knows what else he's done behind her back. That kind of person is capable of great evil. What d OP should do is very obvious, she's just dulling herself by asking again. M very sure if she digs deeper she'll even find more dirt. To protect urself from all d oda mess ur yet to uncover, run while u can.

This is evil. 11 years and no one is blaming the man of any wrong.
Even though @poster was naïve because of "love" that doesn't mean what the guy did was right.
Sometimes I think ladies set themselves up for disappointment.

11 years is a massive time investment in a relationship without more concrete evidence of commitment(e.g meeting family, marriage, living together, having children etc). The pointers were all there, OP. Ask him what to tell you the truth, and then you decide whether you are able to continue the relationship with the truth you know.

Namzgurl: passport showing his true age he is 10 years older than he told me he was

football age @ work here, that is normal, there was prolly no electricity available in Lagos @ the time he was filling his passport forms thus, he mistakenly put in 31yrs instead of 37yrs due to Nepa wahala


Seriously tho......comments on here bn harsher than parazone on a red shirt

Omo naija.....

Red-Light:
why should I? I dnt judge book by its cover... If am to judge u now.. I would say u are emotionally disturbed becoz of the way u picked on my post.. Buh i wnt do dat coz i may be completely wrong...

I picked on it cos I felt it like. there is a reason why we can quote other posts

After 7years no ring or even talking about makibg thing permanent and you stayed with him??crazy...you need to tell him about your findibgs and kick his azz to the corb...Some nigerian men are very very corny...

duni04:
Smh..and I thought African Americans were smart

So one is dumb all is dumb

Hmmm....I think you are both trapped. His wife should have already been with him. I can understand you not being aware that he is married but now that you know......to continue would be to continue in adultery

Mrs.Chima:

So one is dumb all is dumb

[quote author=Mrs.Chima]
So one is dumb all is dumb

I think I knew you from my old account. Remember a 'gangsta boo' lol. Or maybe I'm wrong, it's been a long time !

@Nigerians.... It's funny how some people can just comment on this post and start crucifying this Nigerian Easterner. I mean, not just a Nigerian... But A Nigerian Medical Doctor in the US... This story is far from Gold digging... This Black Americans in America seems to think that they are very smart, especially when they assume they are pretty. A Medical Doctor, giving you is all, that guy is over $100,000usd = #15 Million Naira richer annually. He could have just pay for sex from every and any corner in America, sex na like hand shake for this place. No cultural value, a nation where women with another man's pregnancy goes out there to lay with another man with it. If you ask me, the Gold digger here is this woman... For Christ sake, this guy already got his command, his swag before he met this Akata trouble trouble lady. He has been dating her years before that marriage certificate was issued. Why didn't she give a green light for Marriage if she is not among one of those ladies whose duty is to reap where they have not sown? An Igbo man showering you with gifts, taking care of you, paying bills for you. In fact he met you in the American system and took you out, made a positive impact in you and you dare have the guts to come to a Nigerian forum to castigate yet another one Nigerian again.

For all those who don't know what we are worth, I will tell you today. There are no men like Nigerian men anywhere in the world.... Especially in the States... If you don't live in America, you won't understand the attitude, the psychology of this women here. She only came to tell you this sweet talk everyone here to drew sympathy to herself. You know He is married now, leave him alone. Na our Son, we nor dey reject our children, come rain, come sun. Doctors are hot cake in America, you ungrateful lazy ass Akata. Mtscheewww.



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11 years... Jeez. That's all I saw 11 11 11

val_dee: Listen Sis,

We value children more than anything.

The man wanted to get you pregnant and you refused.

Believe me if you had gotten pregnant for him, he would have married you.

That singular act of refusal pushed him away from you.

Methinks I know this doctor in question.

Either that or he would have carried the children go back home with or without the wife.

But as to the OP's dilemma, I think we should not be so fast to judge her. Remember her culture is not our culture. An 11yr relationship with no knowledge of the other partner's family is not uncommon in the US. Instead of attacking her, we should be trying to enlighten her, so she will know what she's up against.

ojdollars: @Nigerians.... It's funny how some people can just comment on this post and start crucifying this Nigerian Easterner. I mean, not just a Nigerian... But A Nigerian Medical Doctor in the US... This story is far from Gold digging... This Black Americans in America seems to think that they are very smart, especially when they assume they are pretty. A Medical Doctor, giving you is all, that guy is over $100,000usd = #15 Million Naira richer annually. He could have just pay for sex from every and any corner in America, sex na like hand shake for this place. No cultural value, a nation where women with another man's pregnancy goes out there to lay with another man with it. If you ask me, the Gold digger here is this woman... For Christ sake, this guy already got his command, his swag before he met this Akata trouble trouble lady. He has been dating her years before that marriage certificate was issued. Why didn't she give a green light for Marriage if she is not among one of those ladies whose duty is to reap where they have not sown? An Igbo man showering you with gifts, taking care of you, paying bills for you. In fact he met you in the American system and took you out, made a positive impact in you and you dare have the guts to come to a Nigerian forum to castigate yet another one Nigerian again.

For all those who don't know what we are worth, I will tell you today. There are no men like Nigerian men anywhere in the world.... Especially in the States... If you don't live in America, you won't understand the attitude, the psychology of this women here. She only came to tell you this sweet talk everyone here to drew sympathy to herself. You know He is married now, leave him alone. Na our Son, we nor dey reject our children, come rain, come sun. Doctors are hot cake in America, you ungrateful lazy ass Akata. Mtscheewww.



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You sound like a broken record already. The lady is just here to get some sort of understanding. I don't believe she has even said one cross word about ol boy.

Whenever you're ready feel free to come down from your high horse.

SAFO:


You sound like a broken record already. The lady is just here to get some sort of understanding. I don't believe she has even said one cross word about ol boy.

Whenever you're ready feel free to come down from your high horse.

@SAFO ... I nor remember say I talk to you... Who sounds like a Broken Record? Just imagine the way you displaying your low self esteem in a public forum. Don't quote any of my post ever, I don't talk to people like you, I ain't in your league Sir..