₦airaland Forum

addictiv: [size=14pt]even in the animal kingdom, the male has to show the chick that he can take care of her by bringing her food.....love - funds = frustration, n you don't want that trust me[/size]

Are you saying that a man and a woman can not live together in love without money?

Of coures even as an individual money is very important to take care of ones needs like food,rent, clothes, fuel and so....so it is naturally importany for a couple as man and wife.....

Just as I have earn a living so does the woman must suport to keep the union safe; the man must not necessarily be the sole provider of evrything......

I think we need to review on another thread what makes a man the man in the house because it is obviuos that we are no longer in the age of man hunts for meat for the wifey! In 2013 women have high paying jobs, buy premium cars, live in cool apartments, run succesful businesses....so there is sth more to a man than money don't you allude?

A non practical person has no business with love because he does not love himself firdt nor does he love his future

This is quite very dicey a topic: no wonder its as age long as man himself.

Well Adaeze003 raised some valid points about guys not wanting to get married becos they arent stable yet and when they become stable they become paranoid about every lady that smile at them.

The problem is from the guys in the sense that, a guys self image ultimately determines the way any lady will behave to him; and the question we should be asking is "what makes a mam, a man?" just as we can ask in the same breath "what makes a woman, a woman?"

The OP's position tends to say that f you havent made money then you are not qualified to talk about love or is to have sex because he went on to talk about HIV and children born out odf wedlock tuning out to be society's misfits? Now am wondering whether the financially stable young man is the who have earned the right to philander and mess around since his wealth can take care of the mess he leaves after him? Please can we not join issues!!!

There is time and place for everything: studies, work, love, romance and s.ex... young people should invest thier youth into self discovery and being productive and having a good judgements based on a sense of responsiblity; thus a young boy or girl who should be studying should just keep romance for later because romance naturally demands responsibilty in all areas. Romance remains only for adults(not just about age but mentality) and adulthood is just not about being financial stable, because that in itself is factored by a number of things beyond one's deirect control.
I always ask myself this question what would i have to offer as if Dangote's daughter fell madly in love with me?

What makes a man, a man is not the money that he has made but the content of his character!!!

No matter how fervent you maybe as a christian, moslem or atheist, if you cannot recognise that the person you meet on the busy street on your way to work is YOUR BROTHER AND SISTER, LOVED DEEPLY BY GOD AND MADE WITH THE SAME THIRST FOR HAPPINESS AND BEAUTY AND THEIR GRANDUER! If your faith or irreligion cannot make you recognise the basic fact that we are indeed members of the human family then you are still very far from the truth!!

Well some lady friend of mine on fb shared this and surprisingly i was struck by these "allegations" levelled against the menfolk. Looking back i have interacted with the "good" and the "bad" and came out unsatisfied with both! Naturally we conclude that the ideal partner is someone with a balance of the traits of the "Hottie" chick and the "wifey" woman but this personality only exist in our imaginations....

What do men want? this is the crucial question. Like our ladies, men too have this challenge. Men think that once a woman is "submissive" then everything is perfect, only for them to realise that they still crave for something more, being the nature of the human person(who is structurally an entity of boundless desires)...

For me the ideal spouse is one who does things "freely", who always tries to do things with the right motives, who understands that i am not capable in myself to satiate her desires, to make her happy, and who have figure out that through journey we can find happiness we both seek

Men!!!Men!!!Men !!! So complicated,
So confusing,
So hard to please.
If u try 2 pls dem, u re cheap. If u
make
love (sex) to them, u're a
LovePeddler. If u
don't, u re playing hard to get. If u
show dem u love dem, u're too
emotional.
If u don't show it, u don't love
dem.
If u give them attention, u're
bugging
them, if u
don't u're with other men. If u
demand for
attention u're a nagging
woman, if u don't u're not
understandable
If u dress sexy, u're attracting other
men
If u don't , u're awkward & local. If
u cook & wash their clothes u're
desperate
If u don't, u're not a wife material.
If u go to club/party, u're too
exposed
If u don't, u're naïve.
If u re beautiful, u can't stay wit 1
man If u're ugly, u're not up to
standard. If u're
independent, u're chasing men away
If u're dependent, u're a liability:
If u try 2 satisfy dem in bed, U're a
sex
addict
If u don't, u're making sex boring.
If u'r pregnant, u
want to trap them: If u're not
pregnant,
u're not a
woman or might hv damaged ur
womb
If u ask men for money
U're too demanding What do men
really want? Does that mean
they
don't even know what they want?
They
can be
so annoying!!! GOSH!! please, answer
dis
question: if u are a man pls be
sincere, WHAT DO MEN
REALLY WANT? But if u are a
woman, IS IT
TRUE?8-|

Honestly life is not about rules and formulas per se becos at the end of the day living by a number of sub-rules can make can lead to frustration as you see "another over-poweing power working in your members" and one tends to loose sight of the motive from which the rules sprung. Knowing who you are and what is at the heart of your desires makes it easy to know who and what corresponds most in every circumstance, marriage inclusive.

Rip

yuzedo: All

IS

VANITY!

ALL IS VANITY WHEN NOT DONE FOR LOVE

Am 31 today as well, what a comic coincidence!!

Tiwa remains one of Nigeria's genuinely talented artists buh i cant fathom why she believes she must deploy the cheap show-biz trick of getting attention to further promote herself......though she says in an interview that her dress sense is a consequence of her growing-up background where this kind off dressing aint a biggie.

But she gat to spot the difference between nudity and porn............she should appreciate that she is a role model for tonnes of young girls out there and that if for nothing she should out of charity not confuse these lasses on the way to go.

Or perhaps i should speak to my dear sisters....don't believe or imitate the things you see in show-biz, cos these artists are cons and they actually have another life outside the projection-merchandise they peddle only out the craze for money at whatever costs and by whatever means

elliottibanga: Trying to use Logic and reason to validate religious assertions and dogma is the ultimate toil in futility. Agnostics and Atheist (Who are not perfect) make their opinions about the world based on verifiable evidence while Religious opinions on the world are made irrespective of (and mostly contradicting) verifiable evidence!

Why do you assume that creationism is the only way you could come to exist? What verifiable evidence (not faith based) for creationism is available?
….and as for how your heart beats, as magical as it may seem, some dedicated years in medical school will demystify the majority of the human body’s inner workings.

Put your efforts and IQ to other accademic endeavors.

Religion is simply the attempt that a human person makes to answer the question that she encounters as she lives, as she attains the age of reason, as she engages reality....so in this sense every human being who has ever wondered about the meaning of life and death, about the presence of joy and pain, about the possibility of Another, about whence she came to exist is religious, in spite of the conclusions she may end up with; In this sense, atheism is essentially religious.

I did not quote any verse from a bible or tried to defend any article of Faith so why are you stating that i am trying to employ reason and dogma to defend religious assertions? if you read again my post i have only resorted to the basic raw materials of reason and reality to state my submissions especially regarding the inadequacy of the Atheist's method of attaining religious certainty....

The Atheists on these thread have thus far failed to state the method they use in attaining their certainty about their conclusions...they are just picking holes to the claims of the non-atheists posters whom themselves are obviously not helping matters by trying to use "contentious" material like reference to scripture, which at this level dialogue can not be brought in to have a progressive engagement.



The commonplace error is the basic lack of recognition of various types of certainties that exist in our human reality and to compound it there is a misuse of one proven method of attaining a type of certainty to another.....that was why i cited the example of how it is unreasonable to want to apply mathematical methods to prove the certainty in human relationships, of say the love your mother has for you and vice versa.

You speak of verifiable evidence as the material to be used in forming opinion, i concur fully when i said we cant discard reason in other to affirm anything...be it scientific or religious! How were you able verify that for instance there does not exist A Supreme uncreated Being?

NB:AS TO HOW MY HEART BEATS JSS3 INTEGRATED SCIENCE INFORMS ME OF HOW THE HEART BEATS BY THE CONTRACTION AND RELAXATION OF THE CARDIAC MUSCLES WHICH IN THEMSELVES ARE AMONG OF THE INVOLUNTARY MUSCLES.....THE HINT OF THE QUESTION U MISSED WAS WHAT/WHO IS BEHIND THE CONTRACTION OF THE CARDIAC MUSCLES IN THE HEART OF SEVEN BILLIONS LIVING HUMANS NOT MENTIONING THOSE OF OTHER MAMMALS AND FOWLS? DURACELL RECHARGEABLE BATTERIES I THINK NOT!

NEWTON POSITS THAT A BODY PERPETUALLY WILL CONTINUE IN A STATE OF REST OR IF IN MOTION WILL MOVE AT CONSTANT ACCELERATION UNLESS ANOTHER FORCE IMPACTS IT......WHEN I FIRST CAME ACROSS THIS POSTULATE IN MY SSS1 PHYSICS I WAS LIKE IS THAT NOT OBVIOUS OGA ISSAC HABA! BUT THAT IS THE TRAGEDY OF WHAT CAN HAPPENS EVERYDAY, AMONGST RATIONAL BEINGS LIKE HUMANS, THEY OVERLOOK THE OBVIOUS BELIEVING THE ANSWER CANT BE THAT SIMPLE.....THEY RATHER WANT THE SOPHISTICATED, THE COMPLEX, WHATEVER THAT WILL MAKE THEM SEEM SMARTER, OR WHATEVER PROTECTS THEIR ORIGINAL PREJUDICED CONCLUSIONS, WHICH IS A PRESUMPTION THEY HAD AND SENTIMENTALLY SUSTAINED EVEN WHEN THE FACTS OF REALITY SAY OTHERWISE!

A TRUER SEEKER MUST BE HUMBLE BEFORE REALITY AND READY TO DROP WHATEVER CONCLUSIONS IN THE FACE OF PLAINER EVIDENCE....THIS IS WHERE IT ALL LIES.....HUMAN FREEDOM.....WE CAN CHOOSE, WE CAN DECIDE WHAT TO THINK....BUT WE CANT DECIDE WHAT IS TRUTH....ONLY THE FOOL THINKS SHE CAN

I honestly get the drift of the self=professed atheist/agnostics on this thread......and i see their challenge to the OP as and Christians in general to verify their faith, to verify the content of their Christian experience, because nothing is as tragic as a Faith that throws reason to the Winds.

The problem i have with atheism is the method it uses in approaching reality! Atheism starts with a negative hypothesis, which is very, very inconsistent with scientific research, where the researcher starts always with the positive hypothesis of that "something could be present" and sets out to seek with an open reason, free of presumption and prejudice.

The person who will find Truth is one who is detached from her thinking, her conclusion before the "fact of reality"; she will find Truth who uses reasons according to the Object in question. You can not use mathematical formulae to discover if your Girlfriend or mother truly loves you: you will resolve an algebraic equation with the almighty formula but can know who loves you by another method and come to a right conclusion using the one and the same reason, because reason is very dynamic, every object dictates the method of arriving to certainty about it. Religion, the possibilty of a Supreme Being, life and its ultimate meaning are not excluded.

It is certain to me, by simple observation that I did not create myself, neither did my parents, it is apparent that i dont know how my heart beats every second......it is so simple to see if we look at ourselves with the open eyes with which even children look at reality.....they call black black and white white but a warped adult will say em, it depends, but, i cant say....lets start to "look" at reality and see what it is saying and not "think" about what is so obvious

When an artist like Goldie passes on...the expressed/unexpressed mixed feelings is understandable owing mainly to her style and musical content, which is basically "bold and audacious". Yet Goldie remains first of all a human being like everyone of us, with the same challenges,questions,desires to self-actualization and realization, to finding ultimate happiness and satisfaction.

It is needless and pointless to begin to berate her person for she lived her her life the way she understood just as we are living ours now the way we think best, only God knows who is true and who is not!

Death remains a part of our human reality and the event of Goldie's death is yet another of the numerous, concrete facts that we are called to live out lives with an after-life vividly not only in mind but in our flesh, in our daily lives.

Goldie during her life heard the news about other people's death and was shocked by it....i recall her moving comment on Whitney's death! One day too the news of our passage from this world will shock at least our family and friends....but we will make it easy for those we left behind by how we lived.

What worries me is not that i will leave this life someday but how am living my life today, this moment....when we live, not exist, when we live meaningfully, life becomes gain and death looses its primordial sting.

May the Soul of Susan Harvey and the soul of all the faithful departed rest in perfect peace!

I believe this is quite an interesting topic that i always knew it will come up someday because of the comments i have been noticing on Nairaland on the matter. The answer to the question is traditionally so obvious but it is like it is not satisfactory ant more...hence the OP asks about WHY COULD HAVING SEXUA.L RELATIONS WITH SOMEONE YOU LOVE OR DESIRE WRONG?

The truth is that we dont "need" the scriptures to know is right or wrong...for the scriptures says the law is written in our hearts...those where actually the words of Christ.

True religiosity is not built on ethical consistency, thus starting from morals can take you off the point and tragically too, which is the experience of freedom being the consequence encountering the Truth about yourself and about the meaning of life and living.

If you have not begun the existential enquiry about yourself, about the deepest desires and needs of your heart, about the meaning of your restlessness, about why nothing cant satisfy you.....ethics and "morality" won't help as such.

If you start you will begin to see what everything is and means clearly! You will know how to use it (se.x inclusive) for your own benefit and you will be very happy and thankful for everything!

S.ex is basically a unifying act by which one person gives himself/herself whole and entire to the other unconditionally and totally; it is like a repetition of the "I do" they said on their wedding. Pre-marital sex.ual is a repetition of nothing.....it is conditional self-giving which goes against the demand of human sex.ual motives...to be cont... batt is runing low

whichever way you want to look at it Pornography materials remains an aberration that always lead to the abuse of the facility and gift of human sexuali.ty.....Pornography is like eating good food from a potty full of f aeces...u will always end up with a stomach upset. Thumbs for Fashola!

laff wan tear my belle

NigeriaKitchen: I think why so many girls are single in Nigeria today is this:

1. Majority of the marriageable and date-able guys are not financially buoyant to support a full relationship or marriage, and this is as a result of high rate of unemployment and bad economy situation in Nigeria, and as hard as it may be for u to believe, the employment scale in Nigeria is tilting towards the ladies' favour- the ladies now get jobs easily and more than the guys, and more ladies are succeeding financially in Nigeria than the guys, which now scares the guys away cos they aren't financially capable enough to face the ladies who are now more financially and career empowered.

2. The few financially buoyant guys are in high demand and being competed for by the exceeding number of single ladies who are so desperate to have a ready-made guy, hence, making the few buoyant guys feel confused as to which lady to settle down with in either relationship or marriage, and some get to conclude that all girls are bad due to the fact that so many ladies are after them directly and indirectly using all manner of tactics.

If some well earning and celebrity guys tell u how difficult it is for them to make a choice of a girl to date or to propose to for marriage, u will understand that there is fire on the mountain. They have so many options of ladies to choose from, making them confused.

The solution shud come from the government first; they shud do something to boost employment and entrepreneurship opportunities for the Nigerian guys so that they can become financially fit enough to startup a healthy, stable relation that would lead to marriage and take the single ladies off the spinster market.

Lastly the single ladies on their own part, should try and be more realistic with the present situation and start accepting guys based on their dreams n not their financial worth and help in building them, n stop being deceived by some ladies who cook up bad stories and give bad testimonies that after suffering with a guy, when he succeeds, he will boot the girl and go for another new girl, which its not always the case and even if it exist, its rare, if the lady is good.

So carmelion, its not becos most guys are in jail or prison, that's not the true reason

I concur with the first 2 points you made. Very analyitical

Yes there is massive unemployment in Nigeria but unemployment and a lack of finance s not the problem not allowing people Date nor marry....you mentioned it in both of your points by implication. The guys, you said, who have money are confused on who to marry cos they cant verify if the ladies are in love with their money and not them.....meaning having money for a guy may not make marriage happen (it only makes the wedding happen spot the diff) and when one gets married cos primarily because the money is there, it does not guarantee the longevity and happiness in the marriage.....all of us have many stories of crashed society unions.

Unpopular as it may sound the problem is actually CHARACTER. How many young persons of marriageable age date or marry because of the perceived character of the other. Physique, Money, Job Prestige, Possessions, se.x, Passiob(while being important honestly) are always getting ahead of character. The thing is we find it difficult to let the first things to be first and remain first.

The Truth is that when we let character count as number one everything else will come in its own time...
Physique issues will be sorted out because you would have come to love the person "just the way they are" the way you love your mother, sibling or child.... and these are loves that last even beyond a life time! The fact that he/she is what corresponds to your heart and your open reason makes accepting and cherishing your mate physically, possible and people will wonder what was it you see in her or him. Even the Se.x will be not just good but excellent and helpful for bonding because there is a more than a non-material connection, which is not given in the commonplace raw, instinctive se.x people tag sadly as great

Ladies if you meet a guy who is diligent, has a basic sense of where he is going to; is not intimidated by your perhaps higher level of achievement to the extent that he encourages you to be all he can be (this is present in guys who are confident in their own self to think and to do) and has a habit of continual self-improvement know that in a little while the money will come.....take the plunge if he asks you to marry him cos a great futune of peace and prosperity awaits the both of you.

A safe approach is always to start on a note of friendship, even when there is that initial spark (or conflagration) of attraction, apply reason to sacrifice the immediate reaction so that you can allow for a proper development of a clearer perception and judgement of the person which is achievable slowly over time and interaction......this is why premarital se.xual relations becomes an unreasonable position because it clouds your judgement of your mate, not mentioning the other negative emotions that it comes with because was never rooted in what the couples already have. Its unreasonable to trust someone you barely know.

dahonestboss: this no sex before marriage thing is a thing most men cant withstand in women.

Having a sexual relationship does not mean men will dump you

and not giving sex before marriage does not mean they will still marry them

couples need to be sure about their sexual compatibility, so as not to regret after marriage[b][/b]

and this is the only one thing or one of the thing I like most about relationship in the western world

If you guys broke up after getting intimate, the woman should not go crying as if she was dump after sleeping with him. simple!

[quote author=dahonestboss]Not every relatinship is meant to lead to marriage.....relationships are supposed to be an aid aid to learn, to train yourself, to mature; celibate relationships remain the best cos it helps you make better judgments about the total personality of your mate.....sex promises this but makes everything thing a mess.

You dont have to have sex with your mate to know whom you are compatible with sexually......what makes for great sex is a great understanding of what sex is meant to be

[quote author=Adeniyi A.]uh,fresh relp wt dea usual euphoria.
well,my lit advc
develop your mind against seX before marriage,cos u neva can tell no matter how much you think he's the right guy for you,if he gets the juice free he might decide not to buy the fruits,hope you know?
do not learn the hard way[/quote]Oga abeg are u implying that men will get married because of their girlfriend denied them sex....is like they are getting married for the sex, not the person. Now i am not a believer in pre-marital sex but u dont make it come across that sex is the primary reason of marraige

Boss13: Guys this so disrespectful. Have you all noticed that the ladies do not post anymore. This is their thread.

It is like nairaland is full of underage boys who are so eager to be on a thread with mature and serious personalities that they forget to think before they post thrash......always arguing for the sake of arguing

wow...i am speechless i don't even know where to start.....

This generation has a sex culture that it is totally inhuman.

Sex today is far removed from affection the way faith is far removed from our daily lives. If you truly love someone the issues of sexual compatibility would be resolved, mind you sexual incompatibility is a problem that originated from pre-marital sexual indulgence which results in individuals acquiring all sorts of sexual characteristics most times unwholesome.

We have complicated our existence by not obeying our hearts, thus the instincts govern and that now is what we live by: satisfaction of the instincts like some beast. Sex is suppossed to be "unitive", forming chords between two persons who have decided to be companions for life's journey.

As regards the physics, chemistry and biology of sex you and your spouse have a life-time to perfect this awesome act...what is key is an openess in communication and proper perception of sex.

I know couples who have had great sex premaritally and thought that was strong enough to get married and today that are so divorced......like lil wayne we need to learn to love

I like to speak to God in the tender words ABBA FATHER, the tenderness with Christ speaks to His Father....its so awesome to lnow you have a source that is making you now

nairaland has turned peoe into irrational critics...who just talk, talk and talk thinking all the time to themselves how intelligent they are. Nigeria will never be better if we enter into the new year ranting at the people in helm of affairs

Critizing makes you feel you would be better but wait until see government office hehehe

I still maintain it the change that will happen in out hearts is what will change our environmrnt then our country

Mos

its sad and tragic that "love" is about money.....but the thing is a mature man will not use money to win a lady over...a man must be able to fend for himself and family but that alone is not all that makes a man a man.

its not reasonable to expect to man to chase after a lady for as long as two years......sincerity is key.

Of course i don't expect a girl to give in at the first attempt...we love the mild drama of the chase but when it gets prolonged in the name of a chase i suspect fowl play.....she maybe using him as a back up plan which is callous.

If after some time you think he isn't the one don't give him false hope

From the pots so far tuface is bigger....dbanj sels sex tuface seLls love yet even those who think dbanj would go prefer to hang out with tuface than with the self-acclaimed eja nla...enpty vessels make the largest noise....can't remember any tuface song he was praising gimself as nost nigerian musicians do....even the nickmane was coined by fans not the maestro himself c'mob!

Nigeria is ours for the changing...all these hissing and cursing of those in government who are actually are a reflection of the society they sprung from.....STOP ALL THESE WHINING,ROLL UP OUR SLEEVES AND LETS BUILD THE NIGERIA OF OUR DREAMS

@op engage yourself in finding joy again with the woman you took the altar..... don't insist that you still love wifey even with the dreams of wanting to "join yourself with women who are not yourself with your spouse"

Well these are the repercussions of being sexually active premarital-ly, marriage in itself does not cure it, but then even if that were not your case circumstances like this will always come up and are beautiful opportunities on your path to maturity; you have to ask yourself what you will gain with these women whom you have become obsessed with sleeping with....happiness is your foremost heart desire, does it lie with extra-marital affairs?

Stay true to what your heart tells you if you find your powerless in the face of these provocations, then do what children do when in need or danger: cry to the One who is giving you life now.....trust me you will regret it if you go with these other women

now am not a fan of players or playing the bad boy role...it is a thing for "little individuals" who can not deal with being hurt and humiliated by "runs" girls or who seek to feel more powerful by betraying the trust some girl put in his words .....its really a small goal to spend time and energy to get into the thighs of a girl.

Well having said that does not discredit the fact that in an actual budding relationship some "games" are necessary to play but the goal is simply to verify the intention of the other and to kindle whatever is already burning