₦airaland Forum

Moana:
u already made it sound like a kiss is trivial but at the same time its big enough to make a man divorce a woman. you are the one who needs to be smarter than that

Sorry but you still not making sense to me! Are you actually justifying her action of kissing the ex? Or what exactly are you saying?

Moana:
last time i checked complaints can be communicated effectively. Nowhere did the OP said she acted like a mad man while doing it. You are the one who made up your own conclusion from something that was never said

Maybe you should read the OP's post a second time, you'll notice the man does not want to hear of it again, which can only mean that her complaint was more of a nag. Typical Nigerian women nags, it's nothing new. Unless the guy is a psycho, there's no way she can talk to him from the heart and not respond positively. I'm talking tears, down on bended knees and all. When women wants something really bad, they can go above and beyond......She can continue complaining or she can start persuading!

Moana:
its only a stupid man who will leave his wife over a kiss, since you are trying to make it seem like something very trivial

I know you seriously aren't comparing a husband refusing to kiss his wife to a wife committing stage one adultery? Come on now, you're smarter than that!

Moana:
last time i checked u use words to make a complaint so it is communicating

You are right it is communicating but the type of communication we are seeking here is called effective communication. Any mad person can make noise but it takes a reasonable minded person to deliver the message effectively to the intended audience! I'm an Aries if there's one thing I hate in a woman it is one without a sense of direction or time. If you want something from me better cool the hell down and discuss with me when I'm relaxed otherwise you'll just be speaking to thin air!

Moana:
you missed the part where its written that she has complained to him about it? She should continue speaking to deaf ears abi?

The keyword here is complain. Instead of complaining she should try communicating. It's not about the message but the way the message gets to the receiver!

Moana:
arent men with more than 3kids finding happiness elsewhere everyday? So why are u acting like its new?

Funny, people like you just don't get it. Women can get bleeped by any guy but to find one that will put you in his house and call you his wife is very scarce! Single ladies are still looking for husbands not to talk of after 3 and to make things worse when the kids ask why did you leave our father, her response would be "he refused to kiss me", nonsense!

Issues like these all boils down to communication. Are you trying to tell me that a 6 year old marriage is not mature enough to be able to tell each other anything? If the problem is with you, your husband should be able to share with you how to resolve it. Calm him down one day, fix his favorite meal, rub his back and then let him know what's bugging you. Unless the man is related to Abacha, he would definitely want to resolve the issue. On another point of view, are you sure he didn't accidently discover you kissing another man? Times without numbers I've seen guys deal with unfaithful partners by killing them slowly

Moana:
I have always seen guys on NL saying that a woman should be blamed if her husband falls into the arms of another woman because she is not focusing on him enough and i will use this opportunity to give the same advice, the husband should be blamed for letting his wife fall into the hands of another man. Since he doesnt want to be romantic with his wife, let her find happiness elsewhere.

Sorry to say but you have a lot of growing up to do! 6 year old marriage with 3 kids and the best advice you can give is to find happiness elsewhere? SMH!

My advice to you is to wait, your degree alone won't get you a great offer, it all boils down to experience and your network. If you can get a job in your field here in the U.S, the experience alone will make you very attractive to potential employers in Nigeria. Already you have the edge, your American degree is 10 times as valuable as the same degree from any Nigerian institution, this is the way most employers assess foreign degrees. If you are truly serious about relocating to Nigeria, the best route is to secure a job offer from a U.S based company with project work in Nigeria, this way you would be paid in hard currency and your position very secure. Overall, relocating to Nigeria without enough savings will not only cripple you physically but emotionally, do your research before embarking on this journey!

I wonder what Boko Haram stands to gain now, the people that are dying are now mostly Hausas/Muslims. If they are fighting for religion, this seems counterproductive doesn't it? If it's political power, a Northerner is now the president, so what gives? I think it's high time we all realize that this menace called Boko Haram is bigger than we could ever imagine and I suspect they have solid backings of heavyweights outside of Nigeria!

What a shame! Toba now turned himself into a terror. Small boy of yesterday grew up to be a murderer, what a shame! It's a jungle out there, From Lawani to Labinjo, thugz everywhere, all the heroes are gone all that remains are screwed up kids pretending to be gods!

Two words for you: Online classes! Register with a university here in the U.S, you stay in Nigeria, complete your classes online and you get your degree. You can work and still achieve your goals. It's a total of 14 classes for a typical master program and each class is about 250,000 Naira. It's a huge financial investment but the rewards far outweighs the cost. Forget about quitting your job and settling for a Nigerian master degree, most Nigerian companies don't value Nigerian masters unless the candidate also has professional certifications.

When answering questions like this, let's not think about the present alone but the future! Think about the health risk, the home environment, would children be safe being exposed to secondary smokes? A female smoker, happens to be pregnant, after delivery the baby will usually develop some kind of abnormality. I also saw a comment from a guy saying he would convince her to stop, go and ask chronic smokers how easy it is to stop!

phellycia2013:
Bt seriously what happens after nw then?? D man goes back 2 being d don, comes 2 c his baby @ his gf's place every month meanwhile she will av mr X around every once in a while and her precious son cannot even clearly differentiate btw daddy n mummy's bf??
Now am nt saying he must gt married or dt every1 shld gt married but please....... thr is always a reaction 2 every action we take in life, u cnt eat ur cake n still keep it
I jx hate dis baby mama trend, seriously its nt cool, @ all!! Really its nt!!

What's done is done, the key here is that the guy is making an effort to be part of the child's life. He does not have to marry the woman, in fact any girl that tries to hook a guy because of a pregnancy is a witch and should be dealt with accordingly! Some women are girlfriend material and not wife material, some guys are boyfriend material and not husband material so perhaps the level of their relationship wasn't strong enough for marriage. Any child will be glad to have a father that is living in another house but still does his fatherly duties than to have one that is living in the same house but very miserable. Since they can't go back in the past to fix their mistake the only thing they can do is to work together to ensure the child feels loved and there are ways to do this without getting married!

Speaking from experience, such forms of discipline will only turn the child into a rebel. I've been beaten with heavy marks on me when I was younger by not only my dad but grandparents and uncles too. When the mother keeps quiet, the child is left helpless and as years goes by the child develops genuine hatred for all those around. African parents need to learn the difference between discipline and abuse, poverty & ignorance are no excuse!

masquellett:
I don't know if this is the right room to post this, but am really disturbed.

I was watching "This morning" on TVC this morning when this little girl and her siblings walked in. She will be clocking 3 this year as I heard. They usually come around like that and most times I joke and play with them.
Today, when this little girl came in. She jumped on my legs, so I left her to sit on my laps while I watch my program.

Before I knew what was happening, I felt a touch on my joystick. At first, I was confused. I looked at her to know if she did it on purpose or not. I removed her hands to be sure, then I continued to watched my program. Then again. She started rubbing my joystick!

[/b]At that time. I knew something was wrong. I didn't know how to caution her, because I never believed a girl of 3 would know what a joystick is and not to talk of rubbing it with her hand.

Then, I dropped her on the floor and used a pillow to cover my laps and joystick. I was watching what her next step would be. To my greatest surprise, [b]this girl came again, removed the pillow, sat on my joystick and starting making some funny moves. I was dumbfounded! I had to spank her hard and I sent the whole kids outta my flat. It was embarrassing.

So right now. Am still confused, I think someone around the neighborhood is molesting this little girl, the mother is not around, only the dad. I intend reporting her to her mother when she comes back. What' do you think about this?

Look at the bold wordings, if you were to report this to the police here in the States, you would be arrested immediately! No 3 year old can do what you've just mentioned unless introduced to it by someone in your environment. The girl must be very comfortable with you and you must have left yourself unguarded many times. Do not take any offense to my words, it's just an observation based on your statement perhaps you might try rephrasing them next time. Furthermore, you need to take serious steps in ensuring the child no longer visits you as I can guarantee the parents would not find it funny with the level of details you are able to give about their child's inappropriate action, from their point of view you are the number 1 suspect!

bxcode:
I live in reality fantasyland, what's the primary purpose of marriage if not procreation? So because we have a lot of miserable marriages, we should now run away from marriage? If one didn't intend to get pregnant, then is it not common sense to stay away from acts that will lead to such? Oh no, I remember, condoms are available and when it fails it becomes a mistake. Nonsense!

Save your moral preaching for the fishes! Who told you the primary purpose of marriage is procreation? People marry for love, every other thing comes after. We have married couples who've chosen not to bring children into this world, we have married couples that have lost their children and are still together despite the tragedy, so spare me the crap! Marriage is a good thing when done for the right purpose, the day we start marrying for the sole purpose of procreation is the day marriage seizes to be divine but rather a mere transaction!

bxcode:
Lame excuse, that's an excuse that selfish and irresponsible people give, that baby that is being brought into the world just like that and outta wedlock, what will be his faith when the parents go their separate ways after the fun of being single and enjoying the fruits of marriage Don't you know that because they don't have any commitment between them, they can call it quits without looking back. Did your parents give birth to you outta wedlock, if no then don't bring someone into this world like that period!

And getting married because of a child is the best solution? What type of fantasyland do you live in! We already have enough people miserable in a complicated marriage, we don't need to add more! Mistakes happen, people get pregnant without intending to but to use that to hook a guy is just plain silly!

Maximus85:
Dead society. Baby out of wedlock and here people are praising him. What are we leaving behind for the next generation? I'm a Pastor will be there to name the child born out of wedlock. Baby boy with girlfriend? My parents go disown me instantly. I will be disfellowshiped in my church.

So you would have preferred the girl abort the pregnancy or what? At least he's there, a lot of baby daddies either run away or deny responsibility!

Aitee1:
And the babymama trend continues...btw you only become a man when you're pronounced man and wife legally not when you're a babapapa

My friend keep quiet! Not everyone is meant for marriage!

The problem with young entrepreneurs such as yourself is that you think only of the task and not the whole system. I also build websites but there are forms which must be signed by the client, a simple three page document exonerating you from any legal action due to the nature of the project, an indemnity clause and so on. It's easy to get such documents, just go to web builder sites using Google and read their terms and conditions, you'll see a blueprint for what you need. Final advice, if you are in 9ja, just relax we all know as e dey go but if you are abroad get moving immediately, time is of the essence!

EmekaBlue:
na abok i s go dey rule everywhere now..NA REAL WAA O.........Naija which way with all these DUMBOS

Aboki no be person? Many of the so called Abokis are more educated than you!

What the heck is a nagging wife? Nagging is the hallmark of women but most women can only try that nonsense with a soft, easy going guy. If the guy is disciplined and doesn't tolerate nonsense, a nagging wife will either pack out or learn to control her nagging. A cheating wife on the other hand is not only deadly physically but the emotional trauma is just too much!

Never do anything you are not comfortable with. No man in his right sense will force his woman to give a BJ, rather men should create an atmosphere which makes the woman wants to explore, the same goes for women who wants their men to go down south! Personally I'm not into the oral stuff, cos most girls nowadays are just too nasty; from poor hygiene to infections, the risks far outweighs the pleasure but that doesn't mean I wouldn't be willing to explore with the right kind of woman. It's all about give and take, 10 years of marriage and yet they can't resolve their own issues without involving friends.....SHAME!

I sincerely doubt that this came from the prof. and if it did then he's just as ignorant as the rest of you mofos!

irahub:
I'm not here to argue who is naive or not. I've never believed in that unattainable promise (neither have I believed in others made by Buhari) because I know he cannot achieve it. But for such a promise (an other specious ones) to have come from a 72 year old former leader who want to lead the most populous nation in Africa speaks volume about his comprehension of economics, policy making, governance and development. It somewhat buttresses the line of argument PDP has wanted to underscore that Buhari is an illiterate. You can only expect a market woman to be shouting "Buhari make 1$ equal to 1 naira" in this era of globalization as a political and economic achievement. But coming from someone being an ex leader, it speaks volumes of his smartness and sagacity.

You seem to not understand how politics works! In campaign mode, the aspirants must tell the electorate what they want to hear, it was done during the recent U.K elections, it was also done during Obama's reelection campaign. I'm sorry you have no faith in Buhari but to count him out so early is not only pessimistic but closed minded. Like it or not he's the president for the next 4 years, we should all be rooting for his success regardless of our beliefs.

irahub:
!

Buharia actually said that. He did! We should stop denying the fact because such a promise sounds very silly. He said it in Owerri during one of his campaign visits. He promised to make 1$ equal to 1N if elected as president. He made that promise at the Dan Anyiam stadium in Owerri, Imo State. Let us stop denying these promises.

And aren't you naive for believing such a fallacy? I'm assuming you are educated, if this is true how can you honestly expect N1 to equal $1, I could care less if dollar to Naira remains high and the president achieves some of his other agendas. Boko Haram, electricity and unemployment are much more important than trying to make the Naira a super currency!

Why are people acting so surprised? Growing up I've been disciplined in similar fashion, most of the people I know received severe beatings as a child so it's nothing new, it's all part of the African discipline, for a 4 year old child the father definitely went overboard dishing out his discipline. The main issue here is the abandonment of the child, the neglect! A father can discipline his child, some even tend to go overboard sometimes but when you deprive your child of food, cleanliness and so on then you seize to be a father but a monster! African parents seriously need to learn the difference between discipline and abuse, it's a thin line very very easy to cross!

Another fake story! The article said the guy drugged the girl then took the drug himself, when did the Nigerian police turn psychic? Since both bodies were decomposing how did they know exactly what happened? Sex enhancing drugs are meant for males not females, furthermore I've never seen a sex enhancing drug that will kill both the host and the receiver, even if man consume 10 pills of Viagra at a time, na only the man go die, the female go dey kampe, I smell lies!

2. i love him but now i have offers from different guys and i know the offers won't last forever[b](i have turn down 2 already). [/b]should i stay and pray he comes to his senses or leave him?

I've read your story and think the problem lies with you and not he guy. Guys are not dumb, if there's something about you that's given him cause for doubt, then believe me he'll never discuss marriage until he's absolutely sure about you. You mention he wants to have millions in his account before marriage, maybe the impression you gave him is that you want to live an expensive lifestyle! Finally look at the bold part of your statement above, if your guy was to read this, it will only show him that you have no faith in the relationship. For you to have offers from different guys for marriage means you've left room for toasters, probably you've been on a few dates with them(Signs of confusion). I suggest you get your act together, talk to your guy and let him know where you stand, during the discussion be prepared for the bitter truth and hopefully you both can work out your issues and if not then at least you know where you stand instead of asking silly questions on Nairaland!

I'm still amazed at how everybody is forming their own theory and yet most people on this site have low political knowledge. Everybody is shouting Tinubu this, Tinubu that! Since when did Nigeria's future revolve around one man? Until we hear from the man himself, I would advice all to keep their speculations to themselves! People think Tinubu, Saraki or Atiku are masterminds but the true Mastermind is Buhari, you people won't get it until everything falls into place, those who called him dullard will come back and sing his praise soon. Let's just keep watching and enjoying the drama!

kinggenesis:
At 9am this morning I heard an unusual cry and screaming from a compound next to mine. I moved closer and after a close observation I discovered a guy was trying to rape a girl. I quickly called on my cousin and I swiftly climbed over the fence and shouted at whoever it was to come out, immediately a young girl ran out crying with blood in her mouth and bruises on her body and young boy came out sweating and started explaining without any question from me that he was only playing with her.

I asked the girl, and she said the boy was trying to rape her. The guy was a gateman while the girl was a maid in that house so I quickly asked for their boss's number and put a call throughtto him and luckily their boss was still within the Estate and before 10mins time he showed up and we took the guy to the police station! he started crying and begging that is the devil's handwork And that was when he mentioned that he is 25yrs old and the gal is just 17yrs old, what a pity!

As I post this now the boy is already in the police station crying and wishing he could turn back the hands of time but it is too late cause I am ready to follow this issue up and make sure he is prosecuted. We must fight rape, abuse and violence against women! every rapist must face the law. Thanks for your time for reading this. And please let's put hands together to stop this violence called Rape.

Somehow I don't believe this and even if it's the truth, you must be very careful. If you try such stunts in areas like Mushin, automatic bottle for your head! But seriously the guy should have been shot instead of taken to the police station, I don't trust those 20 naira mofos!