₦airaland Forum

Anifaza:
Please pardon me for using a new moniker as I am quite known here.

Friends and family, I really need your sincere and matured input on this matter.

  I have been married for over 10 years with 4 kids. My hubby is a great guy save for this area that we will never agree.
 
 
    I have sisters-in-law who have vowed never to give me peace despite all my efforts to give peace a chance.  Most of them are all older than him and sort of influences his decision that affects my marriage greatly.

    From the beginning, it has been if I am in their good books, my marriage will work and I will be happy, then if not, reverse will be the case.

  My husband has refused to see all their manipulations and always tell me that he grew up with them and so he is indebted to them. I have never tried to cause a separation between them but they usually see me as an intruder to their unity.

   For these 10 years plus, it has always been the issue,  I have begged, used gifts,  apologised ,sought for forgiveness from them  for sins I have not committed just for peace to reign yet, the next problem will be bigger than the previous.

    Some are married while some are not. The worst that affect me most is the married ones with children.

   Now, they all don't talk to me and this is affecting my marriage. Hubby gives me cold shoulders, no sex asking me to mend the relationship with his sisters  of which I am fed up with the whole thing and I don't want to beg again.
   My mind is made up that everyone should stay on their own. Hubby is the only male, seems to be the only one doing well  and parents are no more
  Please what do I do?

Mods front page please for more inputs.

Hello dear, you're still speaking vaguely. What exactly is the issue, the problems, in the marriage. Whats the cause and source of conflict?

shugaboy6102:
Really am not talking even based on the new lady I met, what am asking is are we legally married? and if so do we keep enduring each other and for how long. Should I stay with her out of convenience because of what people in my church will say, my neighbours, friends, colleagues etc. Do we keep tolerating when we both know it was out of passion and youthful exuberance that landed us both in this. Oh God help me because my life is in a mess I hope someone understands me

Please leave before it pushes you to suicide. You're not married yet. And never live your life based in other people's expectations or what they'll say or think.

dannyla:
I opened a new account to remain anonymous.
This story is a bit long but pls bear with me.

I met this man almost 2yrs ago at an event a friend invited me to. The next week, he collected my number from my friend and called me, we began talking from there and agreed to go on a date. He proposed marriage to me on the first date which I rejected. I told him that I can't marry outside my church and from the little I've heard from him, our life dreams differ. I decided to cut him off from that day and I stayed away for about 3months. Meanwhile he got my friend to introduce him to my sis, mum and another friend who happened to be from his place, I'll call her Grace.
He made them all aware of his intent towards me and my stand and asked for their help to change my mind. Grace became his biggest ally and convinced me to have another date. He asked that we date for a while and see if we can work out our differences. During the date I noticed he has a very hot and quick temper and he listens to gossip a lot so I do tell Gracethat I don't see a future with him but he was too persistent, Grace always had words of encouragement and considering the fact that for some strange reason, it was mainly married men always approach me for a relationship with stories of how they got married to a wrong woman and they are or are almost divorced, dating a single man with no kids was very tempting and I decided to give it a try.

He asked me to tell him everything about me so there are no secrets between us and I did. Starting from secondary school to that day, I told him everything, from my first kiss, the colleague who tried to rape me, my ex who lied about his marital status and disvirgined me etc. he did the same too and I felt a burden roll off my shoulder.

Few days later I began to notice changes in him especially towards my business. I thrive in a male dominated industry in a ratio of 9men to 1woman. He asked me to show him the pictures of my colleagues which I did, he also asked if they make passes at me which I said is almost inevitable but my boundaries are clear and rigid.

Fast forward to now. I noticed that whenever I drop my phone, he goes through it. Facebook, sms, WhatsApp etc. He even picks my call when I'm not close to the phone. He asked me about a certain colleague who cracks dirty jokes like how I rushed to get married (I told him I'm already married). I didn't think much about it.

He later began to complain about my partners and how I'm sleeping with them like the prostitute I am, called me an unrepentant liar, unsubmisive, manipulating etc. Said he regrets asking for my hand at all and he's just waiting forthe day he'll catch me redhanded so he can dump my sorry a*s.
I told him to end it now cus I'm fed up, family came in and I later found out that Grace has been telling a lot of lies against hoping to get him for herself as well as hate filled advises from some aggrieved friends who felt ladies from my tribe are no good and just there to "chop money". Apologies were said and received and we continued.

Another time I visited him and we had an argument, he gave me several heavy knocks on my head and I developed a headache and began to insult him which resultedin more heavy knocks. I broke up with him and left. Later my mum called him to ask why he laid his hands on me, he denied it swearing with his life. Said I insulted him and he lost his temper and insulted me back that he's sorry. He began to drop messages everywhere and I eventually gave in.

3rd incident happened on our way back from an event. He saw a message from a colleague he told me to stop doing business with cus he feels the man has his eyes on me which is totally not true. He flared up, stopped the car and was even threatening to beat me up. I came down from his car and stood by the roadside. He came down too and gave me the insult of my life in full public view and glare and told me to enter the car which I refused. I had no money on me and had to beg a stranger for money. By that time he was coming back, he quickly took a picture of both of us and sent it to everybody of how he caught me in the act with my lover on the road. He called me and said that if he must marry me, I must break my business sim card and look for a wife friendly occupation or sit at home.

He later apologised over it. Meanwhile he and my sis don't flow as before as he once called her a prostitute.

I want to call it quits but everyone around me feels it's a mistake and he is saying everything out of anger and if I'm patient enough, he will change completely.

I must admit that he has changed alot since we met but the progress compared to the timeframe and the heat I face everyday is nothing to write home about.

He loves me to a fault and I don't know if I can find someone who loves me like him but his other attitude is sniffing life out of me. Do I stay or quit?
Thanks for reading and pardon any typos

Babe, Quit.
You don't need all this drama, trust me. He has no self control.
A lot of guys out there are far better.

Kindheartedd:
I don't even know this post was taken to fp.

I will pursue this legally. Starting from tomorrow, no going back on this.

He begged me this morning, and this night he said the worst.

I did not enter into a contract marriage with him in any way, but he keeps saying we are in a contracted marriage.

We did just court and traditional marriage. No church, no church because I attend a different church from the the one my parent attend. Being the first to get married in my family, the rules they set played hard on me unlike now that my siblings do their wedding in the church they attend. So his belief of court wedding is contract marriage.

Court wedding is a form of wedding as church wedding. Why is he having a misconception of what a court wedding is. This is a social studies class, every one did this in school.

He grow up in the street and he's very disrespectful and stubborn. He doesn't regard anyone. I don't know why, I've allowed this for too long some one he reported me to blamed me for allowing him take advantage of me for too long when I opened up to him. I don't even say much I just related the recent issue and that he's always doing it and the man blamed me. The man begged me not to leave but that fell on a deaf ear.

I have video proof of some of his abuses, so I can testify anywhere that I had to run to save myself from his abuses and then continue working on divorcing him. He is not courteous at alllllll, he said we should live like couples in the advance world, each one pays his/her bills. Kids schools fees 50/50. I've got no issue with that cost I've always being paying part of the fees and do so many things at home plus I've being so foolish in so many areas I can't mention here cos everyone will blame me do much.

He is playing the 'Omo eko' attitude on me.

Am certain it will be all well with me, I don't need to stay with him.

I'm just wondering, how did you end up with him? Marrying him. It appears he's just one street, local, unpolished, bush, unenligtened, not self respecting, classless dude. In fact i lack the right suiting adjective. If he's reading all your nairaland posts and not objecting then you must be right. So how did you, a well educated, enlighten, reasonable, cool headed girl find and fall and end up with him? I'm not just saying this as a diss but you could actually be helping outage even save some innocent girls out there. They could learn from your story or mistakes or tips.please if its not going to be too intrusive I'll love if you could share your story.

Kindheartedd:
I opened a thread sometime ago about my husband's attitude.

I won't just go into details but all I need now is leave, leave him for good.

My plan is to totally leave the state we live now to a different state to start life all over with my kids. I work, I will make sure they have the best. I won't let my family know my whereabouts. Change my phone number and live a new life.

I do not want any one to link me up with him again. I hate him now. I have heard enough, enough of abuse. He's done more damage to me than good. His is proud and ungrateful.

He is owing me a lot of money but I can let go.

I want to teach him a hard lesson by leaving with my kids before he return from work on Monday.

My advice to young ones especially God fearing ones, don't marry a man who is just a casual Christian, who answers on paper 'Christianity' when asked which religion.

He never believed I can move forward, I struggled to raise my status by hard work n prayer, I went to a private uni, he even insulted my dad to my face that he waisted money on my for sending me to private uni, Haa, my ears twingled when he said it all because I was earning about 100k, he was earning way more than me and he'd never give me peace because he earns more. Named me all sorts of names. I saved little n resigned since there was no hope of earning more money where I worked.

When I asked to open a joint account his response was my income was meant for eating not saving. And ridiculously told me to hide my face for trying to measure him to my standard. That we don't earn the same amount and we can't jointly run an account. For days, he shamed me with that.

I boldly took a decision to resign and I almost end it all but I was putting things in place to get the best in life no matter what. Alas, God helped me and now, I'm doing well and my monthly income is daily getting more than his. I painfully went for a training and have decided to get an office and employ more hands because I can no longer handle tasks alone due to work load and he is killing the dream.

I know him, he wants to frustrate me, he knows the sky is not my limit again even, but I want to teach him a lesson that in his next life he will never talk any human being down.

He is getting worst daily by being abusive, I won't know peace if so stay with him. Now he wants to do what I do, so jealous and unsecured.

I live in a recluse due to my work and I have an abusive man, if not for my belief on God maybe I would have taken my life since.

I was abused as a child, I think the best for me now is live alone. Human beings are not worth it, I hate relationships and marriage now, like it's all a scam. I just want to be alone with my innocent kids.

Am just weak, it's going to be a shame, my friendd n family won't like my decision but I want to send a message to this man. He must learn to respect me, called my brain fish brain,? My own father waisted money on me? I will surely break grounds to send him a message.

Am just in pain, am soo so so sad. Once I leave him I will be a celibate for life. I will never allow any man to make me experience abuse again. Never!!!

Don't make it about him. like, saying teaching him a lesson or sending him a message or all that etc. Don't make it about him. Make it about you, your happiness, your well being and your kids. Don't let him be your motivation and drive, for doing what you want to do. You are striving for a better life for yourself and your kids. And your better mental health. He's not deserving of your thoughts and attention and time anymore. Don't waste any ayyenriiand emotions on him or thinking of him anymore. Delete him and give yourself time to heal. Learn all the lessons you need to learn, which i believe you've done, then move on.

Good info. Interesting, Educative. People should try to get more politically enlightended. And with stuffs like this, or ideologies, and holding leaders accountable based on their policies, manifesto and constituted responsibilities, not only always talk and arguments about who looted more, who fought and liked and is more dangerous, or insults and eye service, or tribalistic prejudices,..

Air Peace image had been dented. Now everybody links them up with any bad or fraud stories. Sad. Their PR needs to work double hard now. Suffice to say the CEO hasn't been found guilty yet, but some damage have def been done.

By the way, who really owns the aircraft that was seized?
Some top people be forming motivational speakes and role models and business mentors meanwhile people just don't know the real deal of what they're into. These days the more you see the less you understand. Lol

I don't support bleaching or those kind of stuff. Exfoliation is safe i presume.
What I want to know is have they broken any law yet? What of product losses if they've been found not to violate and law or revolution?

Davido just insulted them and their intelligence. Disrespect, with no regards. Too bad. And to think he has lots of fans there.
He could get sued for this. It's also fraud.
He also wants to begin to damage his reputation if he's not careful. How he manages and handles this blunder will tell a lot for his future career.

TheGiftedOne:
Vibration of the walls by the force generated when the door hits the frame. It could safely be called resonance.

Vibration of the wall or vibration of the air in the room?

arinpe16:
I'm not fighting God. I'm not used to praying 5 times daily before we met and he knows. I think he's only using it as an excuse. Is it enough reason to.want.a.divorce?

as an excuse for what. what do you think are his real or hidden motives, or reasons for wanting to get rid of you if that is one of his motives

And it is them, they the presidency and civil servants and government staff that own those houses and whatever other items they claim they're paying rent on. So the rent money still ends up in their pockets. They're paying themselves.
Naija. Systematic corruption. Masters, Phd in that area. We sabi dem, no be us dem dey deceive.

ManirBK:
I don't want to start laughing out the little food in my stomach, haba! How can a man be drowned for 30yrs, and come back alive? He must have passed through the Atlantic oceans to pacific ocean down to the Mediterranean sea making friends with sharks and whales before finally swim down to Bauchi river head bridge where His family found him. Lol

Obviously you didn't read the story.

L

Hahaha...these girls have humor sha.

But any girl who seriously does this lifestyle should pls get a life.

I just want to know, is the airport govt operated or consessioned?

Books and internet.

merit1988:
I got married as a young virgin...probably didnt understand what love was all about then....I've never really felt love or being loved in my marriage..coupled with some other marriage issues..I wear the shoes and I know where it hurts...all I need is advices on how to build my love life and not yabs pls...it's very hurtful

Read books about love. And websites. Start doing deliberate romantic things to your husband, and be patient. He'll gradually begin to reciprocate. Make your presence bring happiness to him. Romantic acts will gradually nurture your love. You're already married to each other so you guys just have to try to make it work. I hope he's also an understanding man and doesn't give you problems. Try to find common grounds and interests where you both gist and laugh. Buy some board games and play. And have sex more. Do these things gradually, don't force them on him. Share his interests too. Remember he may just be comfortable with the way things are now but it's you who's feeling the pain, so don't force and spoil things. Learn to seduce him. And if he's the type that is open to direct talk, without feeling offended, then talk directly about your feelings to him.
And I hope you're not a drama queen, if so just change, it's a total turn off. Also kindly Tell him anything you feel he needs to change about himself. Have your solid reasons ready.

Dsourcee:
MINIMIN WAGE:

GL7:23.2%; 30,000× 23.2÷100=N6,900

GL8:20%; 30,000× 20%÷100=N6,000

GL9:19%; 30,000× 19%÷100=N5,700

GL10-14:26%; 30,000× 16%÷100=N4,800

GL 15-17:14%; .30,000× 14%÷100=N4,200

Add it to what ever you earn, that's your new Salary.
#MinimumWage
#Labour

Is everybody's increase a percentage of N30,000 regardless of what Grade Level the worker is?

Hmmm. Interesting. Good development. Time to cut down on unnecessary wasteful practices.
I hear some government agencies travel abroad regularly even more than the Presidency. Some petroleum agencies and some departments in the civil aviation authority of Nigeria, and nimasa. Amd these travels are abused terribly, done calculatedly by very few favoured caucus members to enrich themselves with estacodes while the rest staff watch helplessly. I hope these government policies can checkmate or balance these practices, not just Paper talk as usual. Naija shall be great again.

Kingjoe7:
This kind of funny
Another wife at age 75

Maybe they just want a new, more compliant and obedient first lady.

See as the hummer scatter. All these cars these days are just plastic.

Most times with bank fraud there usually will be an insider.

Sad development.
False reputation at work.
False reputation at church.
False reputation at home.
Now he can feel the consequences of his terrible actions. It's dawning on him.
Girls have suffered and beared enough. They have no idea what these girls pass through, what they put them through. If a girl wants to have sex with you consensually, an adult girl, that's different and okay. But don't intimidate, harass, blackmail, force, coerce, victimize them into it. How can one even enjoy sex that is forced? Only sick people do.
I believe he'll have a sober reflection after this suicide attempt. He should be counseled but still made to face the law.

Let's hear the one for Nigeria na. The reasons why it was removed, their wrongs, so let's not fall victim when we see such again, and any fake news from such.

Mention some of the apps let's know. All this talk.

It's a fake disqualification.

Go to a police station and report that you don't feel safe. Tell the police that nothing serious has happened yet but you will please like them to send an officer to escort you home just to warn the colleagues and housemates that if there ever is a report of harrasment about them they will face the music. Also make sure you install recorders on your phone to secretly record evidence in case of anything.

Who else at first rushed to check wondering if it was the politician/senator.
I for say na the trending news for this week be dat.

pocohantas:
Biko, pussy is strong- german engineering. E no easy to withstand vigorous knacking, yet bottom plate never fall. OP na prick, can't make up his mind to be soft or hard

Nice one���

Sometimes its better for friends not to stay under one roof.

These carts and cart pushers also help transport peoples goods to their homes in inaccessible areas, areas where vehicles and motorcycles can't enter. This action is only solving one problem while creating five more. There are smarter ways to solve the problem while maintaining jobs and customer convinience. And arrest any culprit both the trash owner contracting them and the pushers. They use these carts mainly for sale of water and transport of goods. All which are part of government responsibility to provide solutions to these problems for the paying public. Except I suspect the government has another motive in mind for this seizing actions. Discouraging and crippling the business of a targeted set of people who come majorly from a particular region. This isn't fair or proper. They are providing a legitimate service used by lot's of lagosians. Making life easier for everyone. Except the government is ready to provide the solutions to these problems, they should leave those guys alone. And this isn't the first time Lagos State Government is targeting businesses predominantly owned by people of other regions, ibos have felt and know this sort of attack by government better too. It is their business areas and locations that are always targeted first for "reconstruction" by government. And thereby displacing them, and introducing new scheme to take away the ownership from them. E.g some locations in oshodi, computer village in ikeja, car parts market of ladipo,.... some attempted moves by government didn't succeed. Southwest lagosians should get industrious too if they want to succeed. Lagos, as a former capital of Nigeria, is already a cosmopolitan city and economic hub, you can't change that, you can't stop other people from coming and thriving. New York won't be what it is today without people and work and businesses from all over the world.