₦airaland Forum

kearra:
OK this ones a brain tease , I was married in a foreign country to my now husband who promised a formal wedding when we returned home now the tricky part is my family don't know were married

so I want to marry here not right away once were settled of course
Ive reminded my now hubby of this but hes dissided that once is enough no i don't want to spend thousands i just want a wedding is that greedy of me??

I've also told him that if he doesn't want to remarry here that he should tell my family that we are already wed

What do you think ,

I have never had any inclination to ask anyone this question on this forum before, but what is your Hubby's immigration status in Malaysia and why did you have a shotgun wedding with him? The reason i am asking this is because, before you did the registry, he promised you that you would go home to Nigeria to do the formal wedding, but has now not only changed his mind, but is also calling you greedy and insensitive for wanting what you both initially agreed upon IT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE, SOMETHING IS NOT RIGHT

friendl:
oyenit

MR oceanic FRee ,
At least l have sold over 10 cars from NAIRALAND, dey there ,,

Dey do oceanic free

Like I said earlier, face your business, you have no need to the feed the trolls baying for your blood, you provided the VIN AND THAT IS ALL THAT MATTERS And like I reminded Carshopper and the others too earlier, let people take from this what they will; https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-246864.0.html#msg3652752

Carshopper:
hmmm, while i was away a lot of drama happened, hmmm

Zip it up You are an auto business man first YOU HAVE SAID ALL YOU NEEDED TO SAY HERE: https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-246864.0.html#msg3652752

Anu ofia you berra stand in line for that juicy kiss

friendl:
Vehicle: 2004 TOYOTA SEQUOIA LIMITED
VIN: 5TDBT48A94S225024

oyenit:
Vehicle Information:
2004 TOYOTA SEQUOIA LIMITED
5TDBT48A94S225024

A CARFAX Vehicle History Report is

CARFAX guarantees the information in this section

[size=14pt]Not Actual Mileage | Exceeds Mechanical Limits Guaranteed

Odometer Rollback Check
Inconsistent odometer reading indicated. Inconsistent Odometer Reading [/size]

12/28/2007 29,403 Ontario
Ministry of Transportation Odometer reading reported
INCONSISTENT ODOMETER READING
Odometer reported as 47,321 kilometers

It is hard to tell whether this reading indicates an odometer rollback or a clerical error. Confirm the mileage with the seller or a qualified mechanic.

Friendl/Carshopper, you provided the VIN number . . . they are trying to have us believe it is the exchange rate that is causing the drought in their business . . . Keep your chin up, God pass all of them

Akolawole:
Grammar poju.

What is the essence of this epistle.

A copy of the grounds of Appeal sent directly to UK will be sent back to Lagos post for them to review their original decision or get ready for appeal.

ECO and or ECM can [size=14pt]repent[/size] by issuing the visa or prepare a BUNDLE(which comprises of all copies of documents presented by the applicant including visa application form PLUS a comprehensive report why the matter was refused) for the Judge to act upon if its paper hearing OR for home office presenting officer to act on behalf of ECO in the hearing.

I haven't forgotten o, I will BRB to do justice to this

Repent ke You people are starting to scare me oh, is the rapture coming or something, TKB417 told me out of the blue to move closer to God, even Sistawoman is telling me to go to Church, and my husband was happy when I said I was going to Church cos I haven't gone in 5 years Something spooky is going on I am starting to get worried

I feel you Patricia, hence the reason I was trying to gently admonish Kayusa about his/her preconceived notion about the "cutural" differences he/she raised.

Personally I cannot date such men, I can compromise to a certain extent but because I can be a bit opinionated as well, it would never work. Kudos to you.

Treetop20:
interesting

What part is, lol


TO NO ONE IN PARTICULAR - Dang someone's left the cage open again, have to go ring Tpia and Felifeli to remind them to bring the mouthguard and the tranquiliser on their way down

kayusa:
American women will not stop to suprise me.
I am happy for you all for finding someone you love and who love you inturn but I just want to drop a piece of advise here although you don't have to take it to heart it's just a piece of advise.
It is such a shame when this foreign women go to online dating site or just met someone on a trip for the first time knowing that they are both of different race,nationality,background and financial.Men I do hope so many of you don't regret you actions later on.Because we've seen this allot on this site when this woman will come asking for advise on how to bring their man here and 6 months to 1year later the are divorced or the experience is different.
The bottom line is why will you want to marry someone who you know little about his culture,tradition and customs because when this people come here they know nothing about cross cultural and inter racial marriages they find it difficult to make it work.Don't get me wrong I am not saying everyone is bad but you know your hubby better than anyone else just make sure you count the cost and be prepared just in-case things go the other way round.
Wishing you the best.

I kinda sense what you are saying but It is not just AA women who have cultural issues with Naija men who are just fresh off the boat. Ladies raised abroad too face the same problem, hence the reason these men label the female in the UK as "omo London" or the ones in the US as "pretending to be akata"

They expect you to treat them the way their mothers treated their fathers despite the fact that we are in a different era. You both go out to work the same hours, yet they expect to come back and meet food on the table, they expect so much respect from you and want to lord it over you, yet don't want to accord you the same respect . . .

Tgirl4real:
Can you speak in English plz

Alakoba oshi If I name names now and they start flaming me, would you defend me

MrCrackles:
And why are you quoting me?

Were you smoking crack when you posted your message?!

[s]And why are you misquoting me?

Were you having a thick moment when you read my comment [/s]

I was only responding to your query thicko but was just trying to be an eloquently classy gbeborun, thats all I have to win that "Classiest NL" award you see

debosky:
@ big b

While that might be a 'matter of the heart', this is about the romance section and feedback on issues/problems with the section or the moderation thereof.

You say tomaato, I say tomayto, you are the subject of this thread, I am only concerned about your heart which is mine and mine alone, and since all is still under romance, I is not derailing no threads yet And all I see is that trifling  Spikedcylinder trying to usurp me from my rightful place, which is forbidden territory to all female of the species except moi Hence I was just warning her not to trespass, thats all

As a matter of fact, she was derailing a thread with that comment about "related meaning under Microsoft Word" as well as Karmamod and DaPhoenix that was egging her on, so what I was really trying to do was secretly warn her to stay on track

debosky:
Just being pedantic for a moment, but isn't inquiring about the identity of big b going off topic
The post is still up there and I don't hear any clamour to get it deleted.

No I did not dredge up OMO IBO's irrelevant off-topic post 12 hours, 39 mins, 6 secs after he posted it to alert your attention to it, far from it Me spiteful, nooooooo berra we stick to you being pedantic



[quote author=Ebony-Silk link=topic=245749.msg3615287#msg3615287 date=1237418111]Iyalode, don't even try it. . . . .You might not know o, Mukina and iice may accidentally receive your love PM

That's why I asked [/quote]Who is laughing with you Why did you call my boo the Deboskinator "babe", before I open my eyes go and modify it, otherwise I will report you for an outright otherwise ban

debosky:
Scores to settle? No trigger squeezing allowed. Fights are not allowed in Romance. . .

Can I make a polite request for you to stop deleting posts on this thread, we have so much to learn from it I tell ya, No one can claim to have a monopoly on learning so lets leave this thread as it is, and we might be able to fashion a learning curve graph outta it sef, you never know

For example I have just learnt that fights are not allowed in this section and I have also learnt some vital information below, ^{courtesy of Ebony-silk} that everytime i click on the report to Moderator button, it gives me a direct access to PM you, so you see I don't have to go to the recycle bin whenever I want to talk to you as was previously suggested by you

debosky: If it is romance (main board not sexuality or dating & meet up) related it comes straight to me. Other section reports go to other mods.

Ebonysilk: Anywaz, thanks,babe. Since you guaranteed that my report will be read by you and you ONLY, I'd start reporting na

Akolawole:
Whether the appeal was lodge in Naija or sent to Uk, the ECM and probably ECO would still look at it before proceeding with the appeal.

I beg to differ, this is a direct relation of what is known as pre-action protocol and yes it is not compulsory, but who is going to lose out, who is the person wearing the shoe which is pinching him/her

If you send your appeal via Lagos, the ECM would look at the ECO's decision and see if he can overturn his subordinate's decision in light of new information provided. If the decision is favourable to the Appellant, the High Commission would contact him/her to come and pick up his visa, if the decision remains the same i.e. unfavourable to the Appellant, the case gets forwarded onto the Appeal Tribunal in UK. Only appeals received via Lagos goes through this process.

On the other hand, appeals sent directly to UK gets logged into the system, then it is after this that the ECO (the Respondent) and the Appellant is notified to prepare their own submission for their defence and to send in further documents which they feel are relevant to the case. The next stage after this is the hearing date for each party to come and represent themselves before the Judge.

For appeals received directly via UK, the Respondent is given some days I think around 56 days, to respond, and it is not unusual for them to take the piss and reply 4 months later, so why would you now want to chance it and wait for the UK Tribunal to initially give the Respondent 56 days to look at the case again, then another 56 days to prepare their defence The case only goes to the Judge once, unless it was adjourned by the Judge himself, so which other member of staff of the Tribunal is going to look at the case and send it to the ECO in Lagos to reconsider the adverse decision    

And lastly, I will always advise anyone to kill two birds with one stone i.e. re-apply and appeal, it only costs around £65 to apply and I am sure it does not cost an arm and a leg to appeal either.

mrcharlott:
I have serious problem about my education, I only have my O'level as of now but if i have opportuinty of traveling first then i'll later pursue my education career, So i want to know if the Visa will be issued with my level of education? pls tell me what to do at this junction, cos i don't want to lose my money. Thanks to Nairalander.

Educated people are not getting a look in at the moment due to the global credit crisis, the people they need for now are those in the trade such as Carpenters, Plumbers, Bricklayers, etc, so you might be in luck. Check out the website someone posted and do the legwork yourself.

MrCrackles:
The nominations have dried down, what is going on?!

Some peeps ^{who should cover their face in shame because of the tripe they come out with in the guise of creating threads} thought the Moderator only stickied this thread because the OP was one of his "gangs" and felt their own cringeworthyly dire threads should get a look in too A classic case of delusions of grandeur if you ask me

Ben20001:
and I still think the age doesn't really matter

spikedcylinder:
A lot of people seem to be putting emphasis on her age. . . .

She is at that age people are perceived to have been left out on the shelf.

Kx:
. . . Without sounding too judgemental,confused31 admits that he feels his 36yr old woman deserves
a better husband,but in this case,if u ask me,d woman deserves whatever treatment dats gona
be meted out on her.We cant fast forward the clock of marriage with pregnancy.
Ur man does not act with precaution is no excuse for u to do same.

I would love to subscribe to this level of reasoning too, but it really depends on what lies ^{if any} the OP has been feeding the lady regarding their future together.

C2H5OH:
Let that boy mature and find a more stable lifestyle. For now, that's the most important help you can render him. He is going through a phase that has absolutely nothing to do with you, so don't blame yourself for his behavior towards you. It just so happens as fate would have it that you are the one getting hurt deeply in this mayhem. Advice you to move on with your beautiful life. There is more on his plate right now than trying to work out your broken relationship.

Remember that infamous quote: If you love something set it free, if it comes back to you it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was yours to begin with.

H202, why didn't you proffer this absolute gemmiferous gem of wisdom to Top-up last year because I know it's not just a flash in the pan moment Oni skaun skaun oshi

How's your sexy chicken feet holding up by the way

Tegese:
yes, i know one lawyer in sri lanka, and also, some people who works in a court in Colombo, sri lanka. i hope this helps. cheers

Ika oshi

salsera:
Hey
my people

Got a refusal issue ( not me , my sister) she applied for FAMILY VISITOR 6 months

here are the details

,
You have applied for entry clearane to the UK as family visitor. you hace declared on your application form taht te information you hav given is complete and true to the best of your knowledge. it has not been necessary to interview you in order to reach a decision. in consdiering your application overall, i am not satisfied on the balance of probabilities that you meet the requirements of para 41 of the immigration rules HC395

you wish to visit your aunt(mother's sister) in the UK. you ahve however failed to subbmit satisfactorily eveidence of sponsorship in the form of bank statements , payslips. adequate accomodation and /or other documentary evidence from your sponsor in the UK. you state that your sponsor will be responsible for your feeding and accomodation , however, you have failed to provide eveidence of this . therefore on the balance of probabilities , i am not satisfied that you will be mantained and accomodated in the UK without working or having recourse to public funds or able to meet the cost of return or an onward journey as required by para 41 (vi) and (vii) of HC395

Further to the abov , nor can i be satisfied on the balance of probabilities that you are related as claimed to the sponsor because you have produced n or insufficient evidence to substantiate your relationship to the sponsor. this raise doubts as to your true intentions and as suh I am not satisfied that you have shown you meet the requirements of of para 41(i) and (ii) of HC 395


She submitted the following

I) bank statements and payslips (she had just under 1M, salary is 3.3M)
II) invitation letter from my aunt as well as copy of her biodata page
iii) employment letter and introduction letter from work
iv) she indicated on her form that she was sponsoring herself


i dont understand what they meant by proving she's related to my aunt
she stated the relationship as mother's sister and my aunt identified her as her niece. they did not call my aunt by the way.

I want her to send a mail to them so to reconsider rather than appeal cos the reasons given are pretty feeble

Your ideas and thoughts would be appreciated as always

You have been refused on two grounds.

~ Relationship to Aunty not adequately proven.
~ Sponsor's details was gotten wrong due to error on your part.


For the first ground, you are a niece so the link is not strong and you might not have a lot of paperwork to produce to support the relationship, but you have to provide as much information as possible of your Mum's relationship to her Sister (your Aunty?) as well as proof of same maiden name if possible. They have never/will never complain about being swamped with too much paperwork.

On the second ground, the ECO got confused because on one hand you said that you were sponsoring yourself, and then later on went on to say on the form that your Aunty would be responsible for feeding you, which is two different things entirely. And I am sure you know that with oyinbo people, when you go out to eat with them, they don't pay for you, you are on your own, so . . .

And you mentioned on the form that you were sponsoring yourself, but your Aunty is a co-sponsor too because she is responsible for providing accommodation for you, so you should have included her name on the form too as a co-sponsor.

If you don't address this two issues, the chances of turning you down when you re-apply is high and all they would tell you is that your past immigration record was taken into account even though blah blah blah.

Your best bet is to appeal and apply for another family visit visa at the same time to kill two birds with one stone. Either of the decision would supersede each other. Send your appeal via Lagos so that an ECM would get a chance to review the decision positively ^{fingers crossed} once he is satisfied you have adequately addressed both issues and provided further proofs that the ECO said was not present. Good luck.

[quote author=Ebony-Silk link=topic=245749.msg3609416#msg3609416 date=1237322889]I wonder why my posts are being deleted [/quote]Na OMO IBO you have to blame for that he wants only just his posts to be on this thread    

OMO IBO:
Debosky, I'd like to believe you havent seen big bumpers comments about me.

i'll bet you, if i made that same statement or something similar you'd have deleted it long before now. but guess what, its been at least 5 hours since she made that comment and it is still there despite the fact that i brought it to your attention.

you have also responded to Ibime's comments so you cant tell me you havent seen my post or Big bumpers'.

When i talk about 'principle' this is what im referring to. looks like your moderatorial discretion only works in one direction. . . . . . . . . .and its definitely working against me.

O KARE OOO

O ga fun e o OMO NNa, I thought it was Michelin you had a beef with, did Debosky collect ya wife Are you now going to start dictating what post the Moderator should remove to him again Why can't I comment about you, you carry fire for head If that is the case, me and you will enter same trouser today because virtually all your posts should not be on this thread because they are just you whingeing and having a tantrum and are not feedbacks to him, neither are they relevant to this thread or any thread on NL for that matter What happened to your sense of humour

Bruv lighten up and give Debosky room to breath man.

Very good responses, NL'ers never fails to deliver

I see Treetop holding it down as usual and Ebonysilk too close to my heartthrob H202 for my liking

Treetop20:
sometimes that is not always true
i know someone who is suffering from family issues now
simply because she(benin) married a yoruba man
even with a kid in tow her family still is not willing to forgive and accept her husband.


Post
the amount of women saying yes to the men is very slim

Lol, when I said everybody wins, what I meant was that " I get to keep the money I stole and the man I love whilst my parents would be happy to have their prodigal daughter back, at least that is better than losing me forever

But the story you illustrated is a bit sad though, she already has a child with the man, would they rather she be a divorcee and an after-1 because they don't like her choice?

hotstuff06:
@BIG BUMPER, no end in sight oh. I really can't even tell. I don't care anymore though. I go out with my hubby anytime I please. I used to be depressed about it but not anymore. God gave me the strength to overcome the drepression and now I live my life like there is no tomorrow. She knows now I dont care for her or her wahala so she is the one hurting now

What a relief to hear that you have managed to put her in her place, some of them can be soooo

I remember my parternal grandma always trying it on with my mum, when I grew up, I showed her ehn, I did not even send her that she was my grandmother

Diva1:
I believe God is the basis of a true relationship. When you say I can fix the situation. How can I? where do I begin from, from here?

I say this a lot, when a man has a one-night stand, and he promises convincingly not to do it again, he can be forgiven, but if he had an affair, hmmn, that was a cold and calculated decision, take whatever they tell you with a pinch of salt because it can happen again. Your ex-boyfriend made a conscious decision to do it over and over and over again. He did this without a care for your feeling, he deceived you, betrayed you, humiliated you, was disloyal to you, put you through distress, hurt, pain, etc

He would have had the chance to step back from temptations but he ignored this and instead was selfish, egostitical, and flattered by the other girl's response to his advance and would have repayed this back by falling for her, feeling an overwhelming sense of attraction to her at that time, constantly thinking about her, and what he wants to do to her sexually, feel protective and even be jealous if she was seeing someone else, he would have lied to you at home to get more time to spend with her, he would start being irritated by you, and would have looked for / and created opportunities to be able to spend quality time with the girl, and start meeting her more frequently thereby denying you at home a chance to spend time with him (HENCE THE REASON HE DISAPPEARED FOR THREE MONTHS)

He was careless and callous and supressed his guilt, and tried not to think about the consequences of his action on you. There is also that possibility that he would have contemplated on moving in with the girl he was cheating on you with and contemplated on leaving you in the lurch, he would have started trying to justify that you are to blame for his straying, but then would panic about losing you and think about what people would think, and then decide to come back to you to give it another go or because like someone said, maybe you had something she did not have.

And in all fairness, they might not be better than you in bed, and it might never have occured to him to compare you physically to the ither girl, but how would you deal with the atmosphere at home, the constant argument and lashing out, the coldness, the emotional distance, the icy silence, your hatred of him because of his act . . .


And the sad thing is that because our brain are wired differently, men would never understand why we want to know "if she was more attractive than us", "if she was better in bed than us", "if she was a better cook than us", "what attracted him to her", "her dress size", "how tall she was", "how pretty she was", "her likes and dislikes" and HE WILL NEVER ANSWER, IN ORDER NOT TO HURT YOU, SO WHY WOULD ANYONE WANT TO REMAIN IN SUCH RELATIONSHIP  

IS IT WORTH A SECOND CHANCE, IN MY OWN OPINION I WOULD SAY NO, who knows whether the reason he came back was because the other girl rejected his advance to take it to the next level Why would you want to be a second fiddle to any one


You ALREADY know what happened (your ex demeaned you and humiliated you, you know why it happened (You should have talked more), take your cue from that, learn from it and move on.

Deep down, the thing that makes us not want to move on is fear - fear of the unknown. But you have to accept it, don't defer it, don't stew in it, don't feed it, don't put your life on hold, don't lose your sense of purpose and identity and start thinking/contemplating ending it all, your life is not defined by who you are with, but who you are.

You were with this guy for three years and what you had with him was life-defining and he led you to believe you were the one, so I know you must be deeply scarred and would still be hurting by his betrayal, it is okay to cry, but don't dwell in it and let it feed into anxiety, sleeplessness, irritability, sadness, etc Count your loss and move on.



_{SIDENOTE TO TOP-UP from Busy-body ~ When I was referring to you being careful so as not to revert to depression (a state of poor mental health) in your thread, what I was trying to say was that some people, when heartbroken, eat less and lose weight rapidly or seek comfort at the bottom of an ice-cream tub and gain weight rapidly, this is manifested as poor physical health, due to the rapid weight gain/loss, so imagine the effect of this on one's emotional health Hope you grasp what I am trying to intone.}

Diva1:
I know i should move on, but still, I can't seem to understand. That's what i told him, that is it facebook that would make him tell me ''it's over" and if he was keeping her, why he should come back to me, take me for engagement ring and plead love to me, call me every second, seeing almost everyday.

He no longer loves you and is no longer in love with you. IF HE LOVED YOU, he’d be begging you, not telling you it is over, not yelling at you to take down the picture. . . He already left you, but came back because it did not work out with her. The "facebook episode" is not the cause of your break up, the alarm bells have been ringing for a while, but you chose to ignore it to your own peril.

The time you should have insisted on talking to your ex-boyfriend was when you were still dating;

- when he cheated on you and you forgave him
- when he mysteriously disappeared for 3 months
- when you realised that you had to seek permission before you could visit him

And I am sure there are a lot more times you should have asked many other questions you are now regretting you didn't ask. He chose not to answer you and you grudgingly accepted this and probably consoled yourself with 1001 reasons why he acted the way he did.

Yes he has humiliated you and demeaned you, but if someone decides to break up with you, they don't want you anymore, SIMPLE. Salvage the little dignity you have left and don't hang around or pester them to meet up with you afterwards to find out what you did wrong. How do you know he doesn't have you on speakerphone or showing his friends your desperate pleading texts or showing them how you are making a fool of yourself

Move on, you know in your heart that you were not to blame, you were not the loser nor the jerk, who sabotaged the relationship, you were just unlucky in your choice of men. Next time be more cynical and ask questions. If you have to tiptoe around someone you are dating, then perhaps the person is not right for you. For a relationship to survive and last, communication is crucial. You have to be able to talk through any fear, frustration or disappointment as they occur. It is the sharing of feelings such as this that makes couples get closer and let you realise that your relationship is a real rock which you can rely on/ hide/ seek solace from/ run to, etc

Next time you start dating again, and have logical questions which the dude/dudette is side-stepping and refusing to answer, don't get comfortable, start re-evaluating yourself and our position in that relationship, there is no point in stewing in unhapiness because someone simply refuses to give you straightforward answers to simple questions. Jump ship if you have to, if he cares about you and the relationship was meant to be, he will seek you out and would have no choice than to explain the reason for his silence which led to you walking out.

Sorry for the 1001 questions, when he cheated initially, was it a one night stand or what? Was it you that caught him in the act or did he confess out of the blue? The answer don't really matter anyway, i am just trying to work a few things round in my head.

olanajim:
Is the money you are talking about, your own or his own?

She lent him some money when he was broke.

Before I say anything, after the facebook episode where he lashed out at you and told you it was over, has he been in touch civilly since then?

hotstuff06

Four years And the FIL is there too Is there an end in sight? I cannot even pretend I know what you are going through, but I know God is your strength